During the next half a moon, Fireheart was in and out of the medicine den nearly every day. When she wasn't watching her kits or sharing a meal with Tigerclaw or her friends, she was being looked over by Featherwhisker and Spottedleaf. It reached the point where the flame-colored warrior started joking that she might as well move into the medicine den for good. Yet for all the time she spent there, nobody could figure out what was wrong with her. They had tried nearly every herb imaginable, from giving her poppy seeds to help her sleep better to the usual seasonal cold remedy. At one point, Spottedleaf even gave Fireheart yarrow, thinking that perhaps she had ingested a poison somehow. Nothing worked, and as her condition steadily grew worse, they were beginning to lose hope.
She had lost weight even though she was still eating a normal amount of fresh-kill. Tigerclaw even brought her a few extra pieces on occasion, and it still didn't make a difference. No matter how much sleep she got, she always felt weak and exhausted. On top of it all, Fireheart had passed out on several more occasions, once frightening Petalpaw when she fainted in the middle of a conversation with her.
A few evenings before Petalpaw and Beepaw were set to receive their warrior names, Fireheart was heading back to the nursery after another checkup with Featherwhisker and Spottedleaf. As she passed by the warriors' den, she heard voices coming from inside. This was a fairly typical occurrence, so she almost ignored them and walked past until she heard her name being spoken.
"Does Featherwhisker know what's wrong with Fireheart yet?" Stormflare asked. Her voice was quiet, and Fireheart guessed that she was trying to avoid waking up the other warriors.
"No." It was Tigerclaw who answered, his voice soft with sorrow. "No, he doesn't."
"Why not?" her daughter asked angrily. "It's been almost two moons and he still can't figure it out! Surely he must have some idea; he's supposed to be our medicine cat!"
"Sometimes it can be harder to diagnose an illness," Tigerclaw meowed gently. "Featherwhisker is doing his best. I'm as worried about Fireheart as you are, but we can't take it out on him."
"Well, that's not exactly comforting when Fireheart seems to be getting worse and worse every day!" Stormflare snarled. "How hard could it possibly be? She's in his den almost all the time! I–I–"
Fireheart's chest tightened painfully when she heard her daughter's voice break. There were a few moments of silence, and she could imagine Tigerclaw gently pressing his muzzle against the tortoiseshell molly's head to try to comfort her. When Stormflare finally spoke up again, she no longer sounded angry or frustrated, just tired and sad.
"I don't want to lose her," she whispered.
"I know," Tigerclaw murmured. "I don't want to lose your mother either. But it's not up to us to decide that. If StarClan has decided that it's time for her to join them, then all we can do is make sure her journey there is as comfortable as possible."
Fireheart stared at the entrance to the warriors' den, stunned. Was what she heard true? Did her family really believe that she was going to die? She knew something was dreadfully wrong with her, but she had never really considered the possibility that whatever it was might be incurable or fatal.
Shaking her head in denial, she took a few paces back from the warriors' den. She couldn't allow herself to start getting paranoid now. There had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why she was still sick–and why her illness seemed to defy all attempts to cure it. Maybe Featherwhisker just hadn't discovered the right combination of herbs yet, or maybe her illness worked in such a way that the medicine simply took longer to take effect. Whatever the reason, there was no reason to worry about her potential death.
Except that Stormflare was right.
Regardless of why it was taking so long for her to recover from her illness, the fact remained that her health had only grown worse as time progressed, a trend that showed no indication of changing. Fireheart trusted Featherwhisker and she knew that he would stop at nothing to determine a way to help her. Even if it meant he didn't get to sleep for an entire moon, even if it meant waiting an entire lifetime, he would find a cure. That was how dedicated he was to his job. Yet hearing Stormflare and Tigerclaw's conversation, Fireheart was finally forced to admit the gravity of the situation. The longer Featherwhisker took to find a suitable mix of herbs, the more time her health would have to continue to deteriorate.
I'm running out of time.
The realization hit her like the Great Sycamore toppling over, crushing her underneath its weight. Fireheart stumbled backward, her breath catching in her chest, then turned and fled out of the camp. She was certain that someone had heard her, but she didn't bother to see if she was being followed. At this point, that was the least of her worries. Finally, when she couldn't run any further, she let herself drop to the ground, her chest heaving as she fought to catch her breath.
"I'm going to die," Fireheart whispered, staring down at the ground but not quite seeing it. "I'm going to die."
Even to her own ears, it sounded foolish. Of course, she was going to die–everyone did at some point. She had known all along that nobody was immortal, and she had seen enough of her Clanmates pass on to confirm this. Somehow, though, knowing she was going to die eventually and knowing that the day was nearly upon her were two different things entirely.
In a way, Fireheart supposed she couldn't really complain. After all, she had already gotten everything that any cat could ever want out of life. She had a wonderful family and she had gotten to serve her Clan as a proud warrior. Her oldest daughter had even received her warrior name and found a mate of her own. There were plenty of cats who would never get to experience any of that. At the same time though, she couldn't help feeling as though she were being robbed.
She was still a relatively young cat–she qualified as a senior warrior now, but she was nowhere close to being old enough to join the elders' den. Before her mysterious sickness, she had been as fit and ready to fight for her Clan as ever. If all had gone well, Fireheart was certain that she could have continued to serve ThunderClan for many more seasons before finally retiring to a life of peace. That was the future she had been envisioning for herself.
But now it looked as if she would never get the chance. Even worse, Fireheart wasn't sure if she would live long enough to see Briarkit and Scorchkit become apprentices, let alone earn their warrior names. With the way things were going, there was a good chance she would be dead within the next moon or two. It was a morbid thought, but Fireheart couldn't summon the energy to be shocked that it had crossed her mind.
"Why?" she whispered, although she didn't know who she was talking to. "Why now? Couldn't it have waited just a few more seasons? At least then I would get to see all of my kits grow up."
Bluefur had told her once that she was a fighter after she kicked Tigerclaw–Tigerpaw then–in the ribs when he annoyed her during a training session. It was a label that Fireheart had always worn with pride; after all, fighting was an integral part of Clan life and it proved that she belonged with the wild cats even though she had been born a kittypet.
Right now, however, she didn't feel like much of a fighter at all. She didn't know how to fight her ailment–she could try, of course, but it wouldn't change the fact that only the right medicine would be able to cure her completely, and it didn't look as though anyone had any idea what it might be. No matter what she did, the outcome would be the same either way.
How can I fight in a battle with a predetermined winner?
So yeah...for those of you who wanted to know if Fireheart's illness was serious...I guess this chapter should answer that. I think I enjoy making characters suffer a little too much.
Responses to a few reviews:
Peaklog3727: Those are awesome names! The only one I don't think will work is Briarlight since that's the name of a pretty well-known canon character and I don't want to confuse anyone too much. Thanks for the suggestions, though :).
KrazyKube: Actually, when I first started planning this arc, my first idea was that Thistleclaw was somehow tormenting Fireheart from beyond the grave and making her ill, but I scrapped that idea when I realized I had no idea how to execute it.
scarlett quagmire: Well...you got your wish.
Kitty-Guardian Hootryd: Yeah... :(
Thanks for reading!
-TheShadowedWarrior
