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"A dog will teach you unconditional love. If you can have that in your life, things won't be too bad." – Robert Wagner
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The Good Dog
Chapter #30
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Kagome never used to believe that the universe was cruel.
It would have been easy to kick and scream, maybe shake her fist a little, at Fate after all it's put her through, but Kagome just wasn't that kind of girl. Even after all the death and destruction she had seen in the fuedel era, all the misery, she still chose to focus on the brighter things in her life. How many people got to see two different eras that we're five hundred years apart? Two. Just two people in the entire world. Her and, well, Inuyasha. How cool was that? And, sure, it came with a butt load of responsibility... and danger... and pain...
But still – cool.
Plus she got to meet her friends, and learn that her era's history books pretty much sucked and demons were, in fact, real. Not to mention that she had miko powers.
But this? With Yusuke? This was just down right cruel.
Cruel to him; cruel to her.
Yusuke loved her. He hadn't said it in words, but he hadn't really needed to spell it out for her to know. He chose her. Her. Kagome. The girl that had spent the last three years trying to tear herself free from Kikyo's memory. The girl that was always second in line, second place, second pick.
Second best.
It wasn't fair. How could Yusuke love her, knowing that she loved Inuyasha? How could he be so forgiving and so, so undemanding and patient and selfless and –
Her.
How could he love her enough to suffer, the same way she had suffered for Inuyasha?
He could have forgotten her – left the moment he changed back so he wouldn't have to watch her love someone else. He could have hated her for not choosing him back when he had sacrificed so, so much. But he didn't. Yusuke stayed. He stayed and gave her that it's-ok smile even though she knew it was anything but. Kagome knew better than anyone what it felt like – loving someone who didn't love you enough to choose you first. And that's why it was all so stupidly cruel, because she knew what that smile cost him, knew how much it hurt.
Loving Yusuke would be easy.
She was already less than half a step there already. For the past six months, he had been by her side, comforted her when she felt like her world was falling apart. Yusuke had supported her – believed in her – even when no one else would. His eyes were warm, and his mouth was worse than a sailor's, but when he smiled – truly smiled – she felt happy.
'But what about Inuyasha?' a small, nagging part of her whispered. Kagome was ashamed to realize it sounded more like her head than her heart. When had that changed? When did her relationship with the inu hanyou feel more like a math problem and less like instinct? She loved him, she did. So why did the thought of choosing him suddenly make her palms sweat and her heart stutter painfully? Why did it suddenly feel wrong?
Kagome groaned, pulling her covers over her head and curling into a ball on her futon. Her alarm wasn't due to go off for another hour, but she wasn't sure she'd ever even fallen asleep. There was too much running through her mind. No matter how much she tossed and turned she couldn't seem to shake the barbed thoughts of what if.
What if. What if. What if.
Because she didn't have enough of those haunting her already? It wasn't like the fate of world was resting, at least partially, on her shoulders or anything. She rolled over, arms splayed on either side of her pillow and eyes staring at the wooden ceiling without really seeing it.
Stupid. She was being so stupid. Inuyasha and Yusuke were the least of her problems. She still needed to get stronger and finish her training – she still had to figure out how to convince Inuyasha to let her fight. She didn't have time to detangle the mess that was her love life. Not while Naraku remained a threat to the future.
So why couldn't she stop thinking about the soft curve of Yusuke's mouth, or the gentle understanding that darkened his eyes, when he finished the sentence she couldn't?
"Love Inuyasha. Yeah, I know."
Only, those weren't the words that had trembled, unspoken, on her tongue. Inuyasha hadn't even been a thought – not until his name left Yusuke's lips. He should have been, though. Kagome had loved him so much, for so long; the inu hanyou should have been the first thing on her mind... but he wasn't. Yusuke was the one to remember him. Yusuke was the one to remind her where her heart was supposed to be. It was the swift, sharp stab of guilt that had more apologies tumbling from her lips.
Sorry for forgetting the love she held for the boy five hundred years in the past. Sorry for the gold engagement ring burning in Yusuke's palm. Sorry she was too much of a coward, and instead of correcting him she had hid behind the excuse he offered. Because it was easier – safer – than addressing the fact that, for a moment, she had been tempted to choose him too.
Yusuke didn't want to hear apologies though – he never did – so she bit her tongue.
Over the next few days, he didn't bring it up again and she didn't either. There was an unspoken agreement between them – an understanding. Now wasn't the time. Kagome couldn't afford to get distracted from her training, and Yusuke was hell bent on making sure he prepared her.
Still, buried deep beneath Yusuke's sarcasm and smart ass comments, Kagome could feel the pinprick of underlying tension between them. He hid it well, but she could see it hovering in the space between his shoulders – could hear it in the short silences that he seemed a little too eager to fill – but he was trying.
For her. He was trying for her. To help soothe her guilt and distract her from the heartache she knew he must be feeling. For the most part, he did. But when she was in the privacy of her room she would find herself curled up and cursing the universe and whispering the apologies Yusuke would never accept into her pillow.
She tried to find comfort by telling herself that things happen for a reason, things will get easier, and everything will turn out alright. Kagome had always been an optimist at heart, and by the end of the week she had thoroughly convinced herself that things would, indeed, work out.
So when she heard the house phone ring for the first time, Kagome wasn't expecting it to be for her. When she heard her mother's voice on the other line, she didn't worry. Not at first. Not until she heard Inuyasha's grumbling in the background.
Her stomach dropped and her heart stuttered painfully in her chest. "Mama?"
There was a pause, and then Mrs. Higurashi confirmed what her daughter already knew. "Honey, it's time to come home."
They stood at the bottom of the shrine steps, their bus slowly pulling away from the curb at their backs. Kagome's hand fiddled anxiously with the vial of shards at her throat, hesitating. Beside her, Yusuke swung his duffel bag over one shoulder before wordlessly picking up her suitcase. "Well, let's get the shit show over with," he grumbled, starting up the steps.
Kagome swallowed, her mouth dry and her throat tight. She stared beyond the last step and felt her stomach churn uncomfortably. Would Inuyasha be waiting for her at the top? Did she even want him to be? The last time she saw his face he had left her, crying and alone, with only a boy-turned-dog for comfort. That pain was still there, curling in the empty space his absence had left. She wasn't entirely sure she was ready to face him – and she definitely wasn't ready to forgive him – but it didn't matter. She had a duty to restore the jewel; she couldn't let her feelings of betrayal get in the way of saving the world.
She forced her feet to move, one heavy foot after another. Yusuke waited for her, only a handful of steps ahead, and didn't continue until she had reached his side.
Looking for anything to distract her from what (who) might be waiting for them at the top, Kagome gestured to the suitcase in his hand. "I can carry it."
Yusuke shrugged. "I know," he said, but didn't offer it to her. Before Kagome could insist, he continued. "So, you want to start placing bets?"
She frowned. "Bets?" What on earth was he talking about?
"Yeah, on whether Mrs. H is gonna kill me or not."
It took her way longer than it should have to realize he was referring to her mother. He said it almost like a nickname, and Kagome wondered how long he had thought of her as 'Mrs. H' instead of just 'your mother'. The familiarity it implied was almost cute. "I think Inuyasha is probably the one you should be worrying about." Her tone was teasing, but the words were honest. Inuyasha was going to have a fit once he found out the dog that mauled his arm was the man climbing the stairs beside her.
Yusuke scoffed. "Yeah, right. I could take that asshole on in my sleep."
Kagome shook her head, but didn't argue. She'd never seen Yusuke in action, but the sheer amount of power that came off of him… yeah, she didn't worry too much about his safety. "But you're scared of my mother?"
"I was sleeping in your room for almost six months, so fuck yes I'm scared of her," he said dryly. He glanced at her. If it weren't for the dimple teasing the corner of his mouth Kagome would almost believe him. "What do think? Should I be watching out for poison or something more obvious?"
Kagome froze, honing in on the implication and remembering the accusations she'd pinned him with once his humanity was revealed. Mama was not going to be happy and – Kagome paled, feeling nauseous. Oh God, Inuyasha was going to be furious.
Yusuke paused, noticing her falling behind. "That bad, huh?"
"The universe hates me," she muttered weakly. "It actually hates me."
He breathed a laugh. "Yeah, well, you and me both. Least you didn't go sprouting fur." After a second of consideration he adds, "Actually, screw that Fate bitch, too."
Numbly, she nodded in agreement; for once approving of his choice of language.
When she didn't move, he sighed. "Come on, let's just get this over with, yeah?"
She whimpered, dread seeping into her bones, but she forced herself to keep climbing. After a minute of silence, Kagome mumbled, "Neither." Yusuke shot her a questioning glance, and she fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "To answer your question, about what you should be watching out for."
"Really?" He shook his head, smiling as he joked, "I'd have put my money on poison."
Only… Kagome sensed an honesty behind it. She could see a tension in his shoulders that was from more than just carrying the luggage. She wasn't the only one worried about how all this would go. "You saved my life," she reminded him, voice soft. "I think the worst you're going to get is a hug and an invite to dinner."
His gaze slid over to her, hesitantly hopeful. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
He ducked his head, hiding a grin. "Well that's a relief. Between you and me, I really wasn't looking forward to getting on your mom's bad side. Last time she didn't like me I was stuck living off of Souta's table scraps."
Kagome choked on a laugh. "Well, at least you're out of the dog house. I'm still screwed, but I'm happy for you. Really."
Yusuke's nose crinkled, casting her a dirty look. "Ok. First of all, dog jokes? No."
"Still too soon?"
"It'll never not be too soon," he grumbled. "And you're gonna be fine. If dog shit gives you problems just slap him with a newspaper."
"I thought it was too soon for dog jokes?"
"Yeah, well, if anyone deserves a free pass it's me. Also, he deserves it."
She rolled her eyes, ready to chastise him, but the sight of her mother starting down the last few dozen steps effectively silenced her. Beside her she could feel Yusuke stiffen, but her own heart was racing too fast to offer him any more assurances. "Mama, what are you –"
Mrs. Higurashi smiled softly. "I came to help with your luggage," she offered, her eyes flicking to Yusuke curiously, but not without warmth. "But it looks like you already found some help!" she exclaimed, but her expression darkened when she realized who was missing. "Where's Yusuke?"
Kagome fumbled. "Um, well, you see –"
Yusuke, as always, came to her rescue. He raised a hand in a shy, awkward wave, thumb still looped through his duffle bag handles. "Hey, Mrs. H."
Her mother blinked, looking between them in utter confusion. "What –"
"Um, Mama? This is Yusuke..." When her mother's brow remained furrowed, Kagome laughed nervously. Only she would ever be put in a situation where she had to explain something like this. "Also known as Dog?"
One second, then two, and her mother recoiled – wide eyes pinned on Yusuke's sheepish face. "Yusuke?"
He shrugged awkwardly, and Kagome saw the hand holding her luggage tighten. If it weren't already occupied, she suspected that hand would be rubbing at the back of his neck. "Uh, yeah. Had a bit of growth spurt," he tried to joke, but there was a nervous edge to his voice that made it fall flat.
Silently, Mrs. Highrashi stepped towards him – hands raising until her fingertips brushed his cheeks. Her eyes searched, thin mouth parted with a confused sense of awe. Kagome could tell the exact moment her mother saw it – the familiarity of his gaze, the truth hiding at the corners of his timid smile. Mrs. Higurashi's expression warmed, eyes softening and hands falling away. "Welcome back."
Yusuke's lips curled into a familiar grin, the tension rolling off his shoulders. "Glad to be back."
Mrs. Higurashi glanced between them, curiosity sharpening her gaze. "Why don't you both explain everything over lunch?"
Kagome hesitated. "Um, is Inuyasha...?"
She shook her head. "He said he would be back later tonight." Her lips quirked. "I suspect probably around dinner time."
Inuyasha had always seemed to have a penchant for showing up close to meal times. Kagome wasn't quite sure whether the inu hanyou's current absence was a relief or if it made her anxiety worse. She wanted to get this over with as much as she wanted to put it off forever. She could feel Yusuke's eyes on her, quietly weighing her reaction, and she forced herself to smile. "It will be good to see him again," she told her mother. She hoped it wouldn't turn out to be a lie.
Mama saw through her though – she always did. With the calm, knowing grace Kagome had always admired, Mrs. Higurashi laid a comforting hand on her daughter's shoulder. "I'm sure it will be."
Beside her, Yusuke audibly scoffed and Mrs. Higurashi glanced at him curiously. She must have recalled the last time Inuyasha and Yusuke were in the same room together, because understanding lit her eyes only a second later. The corners of her mouth curved into a knowing smile. "Let's try to keep the blood out of my carpet this time around, yes?"
Yusuke had the decency to avert his eyes despite his grumbled acceptance. "Sure thing, Mrs. H."
Kagome's mother nodded approvingly, starting back up the steps. Kagome and Yusuke followed dutifully, but when they neared the top Mrs. Higurashi's voice, far too amused, broke through the silence that had settled between them. "So, which of you wants to explain to Souta that his dog turned into a teenager?"
Yusuke stilled, groaning under his breath. "Ah, shit."
AN: Uhg. Not my best work, but I'm as tired of looking at it as you guys are of waiting for it. I hope this chapter finds you well and helped give you an escape at least for a short time. Stay healthy my friends! And as always, thank you for your support!
