Lordy I feel like I"m always apologizing for the time between chapters. I need to stop doing that. I promise to finish this story but right now I can't make any other promises.

My time has been sucked up with work again. Between January and June is my 'tax season ``. I make costumes. Competition dance and skate costumes, costumes for a children's theater in town, costumes for an ice cream shoppe that also performs a musical review while you eat. And I make and alter prom and semi-formal dresses. So my time is literally spent in my office nearly 16 hours a day during this time of year.

But you don't want to hear all of this. You just want to know that I finally have a new chapter and I'm posting it! Yay!

:Chapter Thirty-Two:

She thought he was going to argue. She had been ready for him to fight her. She was used to him being unreasonable. It was his nature. But his silent nod had her on unstable footing.

"Go," he had said. And then turned headed toward the door to lead him from the room.

After a moment of complete shock, Rey jumped from the bed. The Force crackled like electricity surrounding her. She was angry and her only thought was that he should not walk away from her. . Lifting her arm, extending her hand, she flared her fingers and using the Force, the door slammed in front of him.

"Do not walk away from me," her voice rose.

He paused mid step and then suddenly he lifted his hand and the door was blown from its frame as he continued without a backward glance. He made it to the outer room before she caught up with him.

"Do not ignore me," her voice grew louder, more shrill.

Ben barely had time to duck, as a chair came flying at his head. Spinning, he caught the second projectile, a stone monolith with Sith runes carved into it, with the Force. They stood facing each other, Rey pushing as Ben held her off. He could see the anger in her eyes. The frustration written on her face.

He could feel it growing within the Force. Could feel her drawing in more energy to over power him. But he refused to meet her anger with his. He didn't want to do this now. Not after she just split his soul in two with her announcement that she was leaving him. It was gnawing at him from the inside out, but he refused to attack her.

"We can stand here all day, going back and forth. But I do not have time for this."

At his words, he dropped his arm and leaned backwards allowing the stone to fly across the room and smash into the wall. Straightening up, he turned and moved again toward the lift in the other room. And then suddenly he felt as if he were in a void, he could not feel her or her power, nor could he feel the Force around him.

"Come. Back!" she screamed, sending a blast of Force out from her that threw him and everything not held down, against the wall.

Ben rose as the lift door opened and the Knights of Ren spilled out into the room. The six of them looked from their master trying to rise from the floor to the scavenger standing in the middle of the room, her appearance unscathed.

"Master," Thane moved to help Ben to his feet.

"Do not touch him." The order echoed through the room.

Although he glanced at her, Thane ignored her and reached down to steady Ben as he rose.

"I said… Do. Not. Touch. Him!" This time her voice was a low growl. Thane was thrown back with the Force, but this time it was more controlled, stopping just before he slammed into the wall.

"Rey," Altair, spoke softly.

"No." Her hand came up and Altair was suddenly silent, his hands reached for his throat.

"Get the scavenger," Varon called to his brothers, his face contorting in anger.

The four men approached, but Varon was closest. Rey closed her eyes, and suddenly their progression toward her was stopped dead. She held them with the Force, her body shaking with the effort it took. He needed to end this quickly. Pressing his lips together, he schooled his face to again wear his Kylo Ren mask.

Kylo Ren watched as his knights struggled. His eye twitched due to the control he needed to exert on himself not to react to this new development. He knew this wasn't going to end well. He had a very bad feeling about this. They had all underestimated her and someone was going to pay for it. Rationally he knew it would be him.

He watched, holding on to the mask of Kylo Ren. His heart pounded. He had no idea. She had said something had awakened within her when she allowed the dark in, but he had no idea this was the result. He had believed she had caught Thane off guard in the catacombs and that was how she managed to throw him so hard. He had never imagined this amount of power was contained within her.

He could see her struggling to hold his men, while keeping her eyes on him. This was not an easy thing to do. He wasn't sure he had the concentration or stamina to hold all of his knights at once. But this was also not a Jedi ability. At least not one that the council had ever deam safe enough to teach. This had been among the list of forbidden Force techniques, he had found in the back of his Jedi training manual.

He spoke finally, knowing this needed to end. "Enough. You have my attention. Put them down."

They stared at each other, studying the other. Looking for the trust that they both knew was buried somewhere deep down. Finally, Rey, trembling with fatigue, released the knights. They looked up at Kylo Ren for instructions and waited. His eyes never left her face.

"Leave us," he ordered.

"No. I will not leave you alone with the scavenger," Varon was the first to speak.

Ben wanted to laugh at him. But perhaps he was wise to fear for his life. He hadn't seen Rey this angry in a long time.

"She has a name. And you will do as I say."

Varon, stared at him, his jaw set in defiance.

"Do not defy me, Varon."

Slowly, all six of the knights backed from the room. Varon was the last to leave, his steely gaze on Rey until the lift doors closed on him. They were alone, and the silence was deafening. Neither spoke while they continued to stare at each other. Ben finally broke the silence.

"Do not stand there like the injured party. Do not look at me with hurt in your eyes. It was you who made this decision. You who decided for both of us! What did you expect me to do, Rey? Fall to my knees and plead with you to stay? I've done that once before. You refused me even then. In my worst hour, you betrayed me and left. What would make me believe it would work this time?"

He let all of the hurt finally pour into his words. He let all of the years of feeling betrayed by his parents, by his uncle, by his mentor and master, echo in his voice. He was not going to crawl to her again. He had done so once and if she felt the need to go then that was her choice, and this time he would not lay himself bare to stop her.

Rey looked as if she'd been slapped. Her lips parted and color drained from her face. She moved to speak but he cut her off.

"I do not want your excuses," he growled softly, his face still wearing the mask of Kylo Ren.

"I have no excuse to offer you. But you deserved to know why."

His shoulders slumped slightly. Did he want to know why? Could he handle the truth of her departure? Reasons ran through his head. Reasons he had told himself a million times over as to why they always left. His parents. His Uncle. Her. And they were all his fault. All because he was too much. Too much to handle. Too much to train. Too much like his father. It all came down to the same thing. He was too much to love.

"I don't…" he started.

"If I stay you will die."

She blurted the words out into the emptiness of the room. They echoed off of the durasteel walls, bouncing back and silencing both of them.

He swallowed hard before he spoke. "You had a premonition after the catacombs."

It was not a question.

Her eyes told him everything she did not say.

"Tell me what you saw," he asked demanded.

Rey stared at him for a moment. Trying to make sense of her dream. Her nightmare. She tried to form words to describe the blurry images she had seen. The intense fear that had gripped her whole being. Ben saw her struggle. Watched as her shoulders stiffened. The tendons in her neck stood out. The muscles in her jaw clench. Whatever she had seen had terrified her.

"Show me?"

The words came softly. He held his hand out to her, slowly moving down the stairs of the throne. As if he were coaxing a wild animal to his side.

With a soft hiccup, she began to walk towards him. Her feet dragged, as if she was being led to her execution. Or perhaps to his. Standing before each other, nearly touching, Rey watched as he pulled his black leather glove from his large hand. Memories of those hands spanning her body, caused heat to rise in her. The feather light touches, that kissed across her skin, while his mouth had claimed hers. They way they gripped her hips as he met her in the passionate dance they had learned together. Closing her eyes, she placed her palm atop his. She could hear his intake of breath as she cried out softly.

They were pulled into her premonition, reliving the fear and horror at watching one of his own knights run him through with a blade. He didn't have to see the face. Didn't have to wonder which of his knights was going to murder him. The blade told him all. Only one of his knights wielded a blade such as that.

When they broke apart, it was all he could do to stay on his feet, while he struggled to keep her from collapsing to the floor. With her weight in his arms, he sank to the floor, pulling her closer. As he held her against him, his face buried in her hair, he rocked them both. He could feel her weak fingers curling into his robes and cowl, seeking something to cling to.

"This is not the first time I've seen this. I've had this dream before. On Takodana, on Ahch To, and now. But I believe, if I go, the premonition will not come to pass. It is only because of me that they would even dream of doing something like that. I will not stay and lose you forever," she whispered shakily.

"But if you go…" he could not finish the thought yet.

"You will still be alive. I could live on Moraband and would be content, as long as I knew you were alive. I cannot live in a galaxy where you do not exist."

The tears streamed down her cheeks as she buried her face into his shoulder. It took everything in him to remain stoic. His dream from Ahch To slinking its way through his head. Reminding him of her betrayal with one of his knights. Slowly, so as not to create a disturbance in the Force around them, he pulled the Force to him, cloaking them from prying eyes. He wrapped them in the Force making them completely hidden from his men and any other force user that might have been near. When he was sure that they would not be seen, he lifted her in his arms and strode back into the room. When he reached it, he sat her on the edge of the bed and knelt before her.

Slowly, he began to remove her shoes, and then her arm bands. He tugged on her pants until they slid down over her hips and let them drop soundlessly to the floor. He moved his hands beneath her tunic and slid them up her hips to the skin of her waist. He heard her sigh as his warm hands met her flesh. His fingers clenched slightly, his desire to possess her overpowering. But he released them slowly and moved them further up her torso, dragging her top up with his hands.

He watched as her fingers fisted in the sheets of the bed, gripping them as she melted beneath his hands. Her head fell back, and a soft sigh escaped her parted lips. His breath came out in harsh gasps as he brought his mouth to the exposed skin of her torso.

"Ben." His name was expelled on a breath.

"Tell me what you want, darling," he spoke against her skin, his heated breath spreading along her abdomen.

"You. All of you." Her voice was breathy, but her words were strong and sure. "I've only ever wanted you," she whispered, picking up her head and looking down at him.

At her words, he felt something within him break. Shatter completely, and spin out into the ether. He slumped, his head falling into her lap, his hands sliding back to her hips. He felt her hands slid into his hair, and gently massage the back of his head.

"Ben?" she asked softly, her voice concerned.

He knew she wanted him to look up at her. To tell her that everything was fine. To assure her that he was able to go on. But he couldn't. He had never felt this broken before. Not when his parents sent him away. Not when Luke had tried to kill him at the Jedi Temple. Not when Snoke had betrayed him. Not when she had refused his hand in the throne room.

He had never felt this whole before. Not when he found her in the forest of Takodana. Not when he had touched her mind on StarKiller Base. Not when they had connected over the infinite space of the galaxy. Not when he had finally come to her on Ahch-To.

"Ben?" Panic now replaced the concern.

He knew he had to look at her. He had to reveal to her what he had been hiding from even himself all this time. The broken child behind the mask of Kylo Ren. Slowly he lifted his face to hers. Dragging his gaze from her lap to her face. And finally his dark eyes met her golden flecked ones. And he let her see, for the first time, the broken man beneath the hardened exterior of Kylo Ren. The child who had been abandoned because of his power. The boy who had been threatened because of his confusion. The man who had been used because of his anger.

"Ben," she sighed, sliding her hands from his hair to his face.

Sliding to her knees before him, she placed her lips over his. Tears slipped from her closed eyes, as she slid her hands down his chest and around his massive torso. She held him tightly as she broke the kiss and laid her head against the hollow of his shoulder.

He held her close, trying to find the strength to continue on this new path he had chosen. On this path that he had found because of her.

"I can't. I can't let you go. But I can't keep you. I'm being torn apart. I've finally found you. I've finally allowed myself to believe I could deserve something more than anger and hatred. And it's slipping through my fingers. I see it disappearing like smoke. And it hurts. It hurts so much more than anything I've been through before."

Rey pulled away, cupping his face in her small hands. "This is not good-bye. This is not forever. You will come find me. You and I will end the First Order together. We will survive this. And we will be together. I promise you that."

"You promise?" He sounded doubtful and betrayed.

She nodded, her brows pulling down. Hadn't anyone ever promised him before? Or had all of the promises made to him been broken by those he trusted most?

"You have never lied to me, Ben. And I have never lied to you. I'm making you a promise and I intend to keep it. Nothing can break this bond we have. We are two halves of one whole. We are opposite sides of a coin. There can not be one of us without the other. Nothing will keep us apart. The Force has brought us together. It has joined us.

"For my whole life I thought I was alone, only to discover that was because part of me was missing. You are the other half of my heart, my soul. I cannot exist without you. I…"

She paused, realizing just what she was going to say.

He waited, hoping beyond reason she would finish. But when she remained silent, he pulled away from her even more and slid his hands to her shoulders.

"If I must let you go then I am sending some of my Knights with you. I want you to be protected. We have too many enemies to not be wary."

Rey stiffened. "I do not need protection. Especially not from them. I'll send Chewie a message and meet up with him."

"Then let's say it's for my peace of mind. And Chewie is a wanted Resistance criminal. You can be assured that Hux has his spys looking for him. It's not safe for you to be with him right now."

Knowing he was right, she couldn't argue. "Who will you send with me?"

Ben thought for a long moment. "Altair Rhys, Thane Vos, and Daos Shen. They seem too…"

"Tolerate me?" Rey scoffed.

"Be more willing to accept your place in my life. I trust them to protect you."

"I still don't think-"

"I only want you safe."

She paused for a moment, taking a long look at him. Letting her hand drop into his, she squeezed slightly. "I trust you."

His hand reflexively squeezed hers back. "Rest. I need to go speak to them. I'll return."

Pulling her legs up onto the bed. she nodded, holding onto his hand for another heartbeat before releasing it.

"I'll be here."