Hello there!

Sorry it's been such a long time since I've uploaded anything on this story. This one chapter took me two months to type up, and even then, I was only halfway through.

If you've read this story and there are some things that I've missed, I apologize in advance. And I'm also sorry for the sloppy ending. But I've spent the last three hours typing the rest of the chapter, and my wrists hurt. And if it means anything, there's 21, 585 (or maybe just 4,316, idk. The site is being weird) words just in this one chapter.

Dick: um, Sweet. I don't think anyone would have a right to get mad at you for missing something.

Jason: yeah, and if they do, we'll just toss them in a volcano.

Tim: my only question is why you tried to finish it in one night?

So I could finally get it done and out of the way.

Tim: oh... that makes sense.

Hope you enjoy, and again, I apologize for such a sloppy ending.

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Dick studied his siblings with a frown. Nothing was coming to mind. He could try not changing the characters… nah, they had already had too much of that.

He studied Damian and Steph. Nah, Damian was already a bear. How about Jason? No, then he would have to bring in Kara, and he did that already.

He hadn't thrown Artemis in a story yet. And it's been a while since Wally was spotlighted, too. Hey, that could work. Dick resisted the urge to laugh evilly. Wally and Artemis weren't here, so he couldn't torture them directly.

But he could still have fun.

"Alrighty, then. You guys ready?"

Once upon a time, there lived a family. They had seven sons and six daughters. None of them were important enough to have names except for the youngest daughter, whose name was Artemis.

Tim sniggered. He had never heard this story before, but if Artemis was involved, then more likely than not Wally was gonna play a key role, too.

Dick smiled fondly at him for a second.

"Guys, I think I should warn you about something," he said.

"What? This story is going to involve impaling someone?" Jason asked sarcastically.

"No, that comes later," Dick said. The boys' laughing attitude disappeared.

"What. The. Heck," was all Tim could think to say. Dick chuckled softly.

"Just letting you know that we've had too many happy stories lately. It's time to go back to more depressing ones. Or, well, messed up ones."

Anyway, one day, Artemis was chilling at home with her humongous family when there was a knock at the door. Her unimportant father opened it. There was a bear.

"I swear, if you start speaking German again…" Jason growled. Dick snickered.

"Hey, wassup?" Said the bear. "Listen, bro, you'll be rich beyond belief if you let me take your youngest daughter home with me."

"Why the heck would I do that?" the dad asked.

"Because money."

Artemis's dad was tempted, but he decided to be a good parent and asked his daughter if she wanted to go with him. Shocking, I know. Regardless of his rare good parenting skills, she said no.

"But sweetie," said her mom. "MONEY."

Artemis sighed. There was no arguing with that.

"Wait, wait… her parents willingly gave her away? Because MONEY?" Tim asked.

"Yep," Dick said.

"That's your concern?" Damian asked.

"Well, what's yours?" Barbara asked him. Damian shrugged.

"The fact that she had a good dad."

Everyone laughed at this. Dick decided to continue.

So, Artemis went with the bear. He brought her to this totally out-of-the-way palace thing. The two walked up the steps in silence. When he finally brought her to the top, she was a bit shocked that he led her to a very nice bedroom instead of a prison or something.

"Simba, everything the light touches is yours-"

Barbara threw a pillow at him. He dodged it.

"Artemis, you can go anywhere in the castle. You can have anything and everything you want! But, know this-you CANNOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, watch me while I sleep."

"Why?" Artemis asked.

"One: it's creepy," said the bear.

Everyone nodded agreement at this. Seriously, who wants to wake up and find some random girl that you just somewhat kind of kidnapped staring at you while you were sleeping? Hello! Stalker alert!

"Two: because I said so."

"But-"

The bear shoved 50 bucks into her arms. Artemis pocketed the money.

"I promise," she said. The bear nodded.

Tim face-palmed.

"How come everyone is sold so easily?"

"Because money," Jason said. Tim glared at him.

"Jason, I will-"

Jason gave Tim five dollars. Tim grumbled, but he put the money in his pocket.

"See?"

"Just shut up," Tim murmured. Dick took pity on him and continued.

Artemis stayed there with the bear for quite a while before feeling homesick. One day, she spoke to the bear about this.

"Ok, but… who's the bear? Can we pick?!" Jason asked.

"No."

"Come on!" Tim pleaded. "We won't make it you… promise!"

"I get the feeling that we all know who the bear is," Dick told him. Tim sighed.

"True…"

"Wait, I don't," Jason said. Damian, Cass, and Steph agreed with him. This made Tim snicker.

"You'll find out."

"Yo, Mister Bear, I kind of miss my family. Could I visit them real quick?" Artemis asked the bear one lovely day. The bear thought about it for a moment.

"Sure… but something has been throwing me off about your mom, so be careful, ok?"

"Oh, really? There's something strange about the mom who literally gave her away for money without asking her consent, especially after she said she would not go? I NeveR WouLd Have GuESsed!" said Jason, full of sarcasm. Everyone laughed before Dick continued.

So Psyche-I mean, Artemis, was given a magic mirror, which was her ride home. Belle-I mean, Artemis, was thrilled to see her massive family, and completely forgot about the friendly bear's warning about her weirdo mom.

Everyone laughed at Dick's screw-ups. Said storyteller was blushing hard.

"I didn't think that would happen anytime soon… all honesty, I was waiting for it to happen with Talia," he said. Damian halted in his laughter.

"What about my mother?"

"Remember how a couple of days ago when we started this, I told you that your mom would be in these stories, too?" Dick asked. Damian nodded nervously. "Well, her story is coming up."

"Wait, so, you had all of these completely planned out ahead of time?" Tim asked. Barbara's face paled.

"Some of them. Not all," Dick said. His family stopped laughing for fear of what Dick had planned up his sleeve.

Artemis's mom managed to get her alone. The two were washing the dishes after a good meal, because, you know, with all the money that the bear gave them for their youngest child, they managed to get RICH.

"So… how is life with the bear?" Her mom asked. Artemis shrugged.

"It's good, I guess… it kind of gets lonely."

"How so?"

"Well, I don't usually spend much time with the bear. Just at night," Artemis told her. The bear's warning was coming to mind, so Artemis settled with telling half-truths.

"What does he do?"

"I'm not sure… I'm usually asleep by the time he comes around."

Tim's face paled slightly. He desperately hoped Dick would keep this story kid friendly.

His mind flashed back to Asshole the Goat.

Ok, maybe these stories weren't so Pg13…

Her mom gasped.

"Arty! You need to look at him while he's in there! Who knows what he's doing?!"

While Artemis could understand her mother's concern, she was also a bit angry. Wasn't this woman the same person who sold her to this bear in the first place? She hadn't seemed very concerned about her v- I mean, her safety then.

Now Barbara paled.

"Dick Grayson, don't you DARE go there. I didn't skip Health class every Tuesday just to hear this," she said, face red. Dick snickered softly, then promised her that it wasn't going there. Steph was an innocent bean, after all.

But Artemis took a deep breath and nodded.

"Ok… I'll take a quick sneaky peek," she said.

"I don't think I've ever heard anyone say 'sneaky peek' before," Tim said. Dick winked at him.

"Well, now you have."

That night, Artemis went back to the bear's castle. She pretended to sleep while the bear climbed on the foot of the bed. Very carefully, Artemis lit a candle and held it over the bear so she could see him.

Artemis gasped and accidentally dropped some candle wax on the bear, waking him up. Artemis just stared at him.

He wasn't the most regal, most handsome person she'd ever seen, but there he was. The bear was actually a human with red hair and green eyes.

"Wally?" Jason asked. He vaguely remembered watching Wally and Artemis making out from his time as Robin. He cherished those memories… mostly because it also meant he had blackmail against the speedster. He wouldn't DARE use that knowledge against Artemis… she could be about as nasty as an angry Tim, which is not something you want after you.

Dick smiled at Jason's guess.

"Ring-a ding ding, we have a winner!" Dick shouted. This made everyone laugh again.

"Dang it, now I have to live with an evil witch person!" Wally exclaimed. Artemis just kept staring at him.

"Y-you're a HUMAN?!" she stuttered. Wally rolled his eyes.

"What gave it away?" He asked drily.

"Don't answer that! It's on the tip of my tongue!" Jason interrupted. This made Dick and Cass snicker.

"Wait… did you say you have to live with a witch?" Artemis asked, forgetting about her shock for a moment.

"Yep. Thanks a lot."

"Sorry… hey, is there any way I could come with you?"

Some weird purple smoke started swirling around him, followed by an evil laugh.

"No, but you can come find me! I'm going to the castle East of the Sun, and West of the moon."

"Roll credits," Jason said.

"What the hell does that mean?!" Artemis asked. Wally opened his mouth to explain, but he couldn't even see her anymore through the purple smoke.

"Son of a-"

And he was gone.

"Aww," Jason sympathized. "He never got to finish his sentence."

"But we all know what he was going to say," Damian said. Dick shook his head.

"Nope. I taught Wally 10 different things to finish that sentence with."

"Really?" Damian asked. "Can we hear them?"

Barbara groaned and put her head in her hands.

"Thirteen years old, in college, a superhero, and he had nothing to do that was better than writing in the Dicktionary," she complained. Steph raised an eyebrow.

"He wrote in the dictionary?"

"No, the Dicktionary," Dick said. "Spelled with my name instead of D-I-C. Page 53, section 2: Ten Alternate Endings for 'Son of a'."

"Well, tell us!" Damian insisted. Even Jason was intrigued. Dick smiled.

"Son of a Batman, woodland elf, cheese grater, death sentence, sundae, movie, tater tot, desk chair, piece of paper, and peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

The bats were speechless, except for Barbara, who was groaning to herself in annoyance.

"That… was the BEST THING… I have ever heard," Jason said in awe. Dick smirked at them and decided to get the story back on track.

Artemis was promptly returned to her old house in the blink of an eye. Her parents were quick to notice her.

"Oh my goodness! WhAt haPpenEd?!" Her mom asked.

Dick put on a drunken falsetto voice for story Artemis's mom, which made everyone laugh.

"Because of you, my boyfriend is living with a freaking witch in some castle with nonsense directions!" Artemis yelled at her mom. "Like, WHO DOES THAT?!"

"Whoops," said her mom, not sounding sorry. Artemis rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. I'm gonna follow his very 'specific' directions," Artemis told her. "And I'm going alone. I don't trust you people after everything you've done to me."

"Just be safe, ok? Don't talk to weirdo old ladies on the side of the road," said her dad. Artemis gave him a hug.

"I'll be fine, dad. I promise."

"Awwwwwwwwwwww," the batboys cooed annoyingly.

"Wait… don't any of us get a hug?" Her mom asked.

"No, you guys can die in a hole. Besides, you aren't important enough to the story for a name."

Everyone laughed at story Artemis's self-awareness.

And so, Artemis set out with nothing but the clothes on her back. Along the way, she saw a weirdo old lady on the side of the road, tossing and catching a golden apple.

"Let me guess…" Tim said, rolling his eyes. Dick chuckled slightly.

Of course, Artemis stopped and spoke to her.

"Hey there, man," said the old lady. Artemis blinked once.

"But… I'm a female," she said. The old lady put her hands up.

"Hey, no hate here, bro," she said. "What can I do for you, my man?"

"Is she stoned?" Barbara asked. Dick shrugged his shoulders and nodded.

"Sure. Let's go with that."

"Um, I was wondering if you knew the castle East of the Sun and West of the Moon?" Artemis asked her. The old lady sat there for a moment, thinking.

"That's a pretty long walk… and I don't know all the directions, man," she said. Artemis sighed. Now she was never gonna find him. "But, you can borrow my horse and visit my sister. Just twist his left ear a couple inches to the left and he'll know to come home. Also, take this golden apple. It's like, totally trustworthy and stuff."

Artemis took the apple and the horse and rode off down the road. It wasn't long before she ran into another old lady brushing her hair with a golden comb.

"Wait… how did she know where to go?" Steph asked. Jason put a hand on her shoulder.

"That would be the power of the almighty Farmer Bruce," he said. Dick facepalmed and Barbara groaned, also getting tired of the joke.

"Yo, wassup?!" Called the old lady. Artemis remembered to twitch the horse's ear and it set off for home. Artemis smiled at this strange lady.

"Uh, hello. I've heard that-"

"Oh, baby, be careful whatchu hear," interrupted the old lady. "You never know what's made up, what's not. Like, I didn't steal that windmill. How is a tiny old lady like myself sposed to pick up a large freaking windmill?! Huh?! ANSWER ME, LADY."

"Um…"

"Exactly," said the old lady. "That was just a nasty rumor spread by my sister. Not the one who's stoned, but the one who lives down the road. Boy, does she have the mouth of a sailor. I remember one time-"

"Do you know the way to the castle East of the Sun and West of the Moon?" Artemis interrupted her. She got the feeling that this old lady would talk till the world ended… and even then, she probably wouldn't stop talking.

"She's my favorite," Jason said.

"Kill me now," Cass said. She knew Dick could get talkative. If he let this character run around, who's to say they wouldn't be there all night, listening to him ramble as the old lady in this story?

"Yeah, I do," said the old lady.

"Could you tell me where it is?" Artemis asked. She was glad to be getting somewhere with this lady now.

But, of course, I spoke too soon.

"Story of my life," said Tim. The bats all agreed with him.

"No."

"What?! Why not?!" Artemis exclaimed. The old lady tsked at her.

"Stupid kid, don't you know by now that that is not how these kinds of stories work?" asked the old lady. "Walk two miles down the road and take my golden comb. Talk to my sister."

"Thanks, but why do I need your comb?" Artemis asked.

"How the HAIL am I sposed to know? I'm just a freaky old lady that you stopped to talk to, you little heathen. I should write you up for assault. That reminds me-"

Artemis put the comb in her pocket and walked down the road to the third sister's house.

"Did she just walk away?" Barbara asked. "That's a bit rude."

"If you were on a time-sensitive mission, would you stop and listen to an old lady ramble on about a bunch of nonsense?" Dick asked.

Barbara turned red and looked away.

"Why are you-oh. Now I remember," Dick said with an evil smile. "Operation Gold Rush."

"What?" Jason asked. Dick started shaking in the pathetic attempt to hold in his laughter.

"Just keep telling the story," Barbara said.

"Ok. It was another day in Gotham-"

Barbara threw a pillow at him.

"NOT THAT STORY, DICK!"

Jason leaned in close to Tim.

"Why do I get the feeling she wasn't saying his name?"

Tim nodded his head in agreement.

Artemis reached the third house. Instead of an old lady, there was a piece of paper underneath a golden spinning wheel.

"King Jason wanted you to have this," said the note. "It might help you in the future. Here is a map."

Artemis took the spinning wheel and followed the map all the way to... Ollie the East Wind.

There was a snort at this. It had come from Barbara.

"Are all four corners of the wind going to be Leaguers?" she asked. Dick shrugged.

"Well, why not?"

"Did the piece of paper actually talk?" Damian asked. Dick chuckled at the question for a moment.

"Why do you ask?"

"Cause it wouldn't surprise me anymore if the piece of paper actually spoke," Damian said. "Now, answer the question."

"No. It was written down," Dick said. Damian nodded, satisfied.

Artemis asked Ollie if he knew how to read a map, because she must have read it incorrectly, but he told her that she followed it perfectly.

"Well, crap," she said. "All three of them lied to me!"

"Who are you-? Oh, you're talking about the three old ladies, aren't you?" Ollie asked her. She nodded.

"Nah, those three are just a trio of crackers. I never understood a word of what they said," Ollie said with a shiver.

"Can wind shiver?" Cass asked.

"Let's not think about that," Tim said. "I want to retain as much sanity as I can after this."

Artemis smirked. "I don't suppose you know where the Castle East of the Sun and West of the Moon is, do you?" she asked.

"Nope, sorry," Ollie said. "But you could try asking one of my brothers. They go everywhere."

"More walking," Artemis groaned, but Ollie chuckled.

"Never fear, convenience is here!" he said. He blew her across the face of the Earth to his brother Barry, the West Wind.

She asked Barry if he knew where the castle was. Well, when she finished vomiting, anyway. But he said he didn't know, either. He offered to blow her across the world to the South Wind, but she begged him not to. So, he just carried her there. When they arrived, the South Wind, Hal, was fast asleep.

"Wait, I thought you were the South Wind?" Steph asked.

"Would you seriously expect me to fall asleep on the job?" Dick asked.

"Yes," said all of his siblings in unison.

"Ouch," Dick said.

Artemis and Barry just stood there, staring at Hal. Finally, she sighed.

"I can't believe it. He's asleep," she said.

"I never would have guessed," Barry said sarcastically.

"Do you have another brother?" Artemis asked. She was starting to get desperate.

"Actually, yes," Barry said. "Bruce."

"The North Wind Returns," Jason said dramatically. This made everyone laugh.

"That would make a pretty interesting movie, wouldn't it?" Dick asked. Damian snorted.

"Oh, yes. Where Batman runs around with a little boy and a stick, beating people up."

Everyone laughed harder at this. When they finally calmed down, Dick continued.

Barry apologized for what he was about to do and blew her to the very tippy top of a mountain, where she proceeded to throw up again.

"Jeez, what is it with kids and needing stuff?" Bruce asked himself. He asked Artemis if she was alright, to which she said she was fine. She didn't waste any time in asking him where she needed to go. He said that he knew exactly where the castle was and blew her along. When she landed, she was standing in a deserted location.

"The only wind that's helpful is the North Wind," Artemis told herself. "Gotta remember to keep that in mind."

The bats laughed. In their minds, this was also true for real life. There was no Leaguer more helpful (or eager to adopt a random kid off the streets) than Bruce Wayne/Batman.

Artemis sat outside, waiting to see the witch. Out of boredom, she started tossing the golden apple. A hand snatched it out of the air before Artemis could catch it.

"Who are you?" asked the girl. For the sake of simplicity, let's call her Kitten.

Everyone in the room was confused at Dick's choice of name, but really, Dick was happy about this. He remembered back when the Titans were still a fairly new team and he was asked to Prom by none other than Kitten. The experience was made a million times better when he got to dance with Starfire... but the point was, he didn't enjoy Prom. Especially when Kitten's eight-legged boyfriend showed up.

This was revenge on Kitten for that traumatizing 20 minutes of his life. Her dress wasn't even all that good.

Starfire looked great, though... her dress really made her stand out, and she smelled like strawberries, and-

Dick shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about how great his wife had looked in a prom dress while battling a freaky cat lady, though she was hot...

"Dick, are you alright?" Barbara asked.

"Yeah, why?" Dick asked, immediately snapping back to the present.

"Because you've been silent for five minutes," Damian said.

"PSSHHHFFFT! Yeah right," Dick said, though he suspected he had been. Thinking about Kory tended to do that to him.

Artemis stared at the girl. She was wearing a light pink Prom dress that didn't suit her at all. Maybe if the dress was darker, as well as the girl's skin. And maybe if her hair was pink, and she had green eyes...

Dick started trailing off, thinking about Kory again. Barbara face-palmed and Jason cleared his throat, uncomfortable. Damian sighed. Was he seriously the only who was capable of dealing with this?

"OFFICER GRAYSON, THERE'S A CODE THREE IN THE AREA!" Damian shouted, and Dick snapped upright in his chair, immediately brought to attention.

"There's a giant hot dog walking around with a police baton?" Dick asked. Damian shook his head.

"No, but there is a hot dog in the room that's about to be slapped if it can't stop thinking about its wife," Damian said. Dick turned red, embarrassed.

"Um... sorry..."

Artemis introduced herself, as did Kitten.

"What do you want for the golden apple?" Kitten asked.

"To spend an evening with the bear."

Kitten let her upstairs, but Wally was fast asleep.

Artemis tried again the next day, bribing her with the golden comb. She was allowed to see him once again, but he was still asleep.

When she headed downstairs to her spot, she passed a page. A page is a little boy-servant. For the sake of simplicity once again, let's just call this dude Roy.

Barbara snorted. She was sure that real-life Roy would be thrilled to hear this.

He passed her on his way up and asked Artemis why she was so upset. When she told him, he said that he would let the bear prince know that Artemis was there for him.

The next day, Artemis blah blah blah with the spinning wheel. She got upstairs, Wally was awake, the two kissed, yaddah yaddah. The witch lady was dissolved with some iconic line from some iconic movie, Wally and Artemis made out, Roy took a bunch of pictures and posted them all over town, and the two got married the next day, because that's how fairy tales work.

"The End."

"You got rather lazy with that ending, didn't you?" Damian asked. Dick shrugged his shoulders.

"I've been telling that one story for the past two hours," Dick said. "Which means it's time to eat. After lunch, we'll pick up with The Sorcerer's Apprentice."

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In the event that you haven't noticed, I am pulling scenarios from the shows Teen Titans and Young Justice. I have combined them into one, along with what little knowledge I have of the comics, and a couple of the live-action movies here and there. I may end up mentioning Bat Shark-repellant in the future, so be on the lookout for that. Ok, I'm finally gonna have some respect for my poor wrists. Until next time!