Thank you so much to Bamberlee for editing!
Thank you so much to everyone for all the sweet words and for taking time to review! đź’š
Just a quick note: to avoid confusion in this chapter, certain characters are referred to by their first names. This isn't because Eva would call them that, it's so it's clear while reading. I just wanted to clarify this before anyone is like, why is Eva calling X this name?
Have a Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
The bruise is dark.
In the warm lighting of the guest room, the mark by his eye seems to glow. It appears harsher and blacker than it had outside, and he blinks his eyes shut as though he can make it vanish with such a simple act.
He sways on his feet for a moment, the white shirt stark against his skin and his body primed toward me. His face holds almost too much color now; red on his cheeks, leftover from both the cold and the burning heat my grandma refused to turn off, black, surrounding his eye like the perfect imprint of a lunatic's fist, and tan, left over from the days of being outside and enjoying a less cold sun.
He was still Adam to me. Still completely perfect and the only person who'd ever understand what we'd been through.
"Adam? Are you okay?"
I ask because he still hasn't moved. He's standing a few feet away from the bed, looking at me.
His gaze isn't at all invasive, nor is it anything like when he looked at me back in Amity. I wish it was the same warm and happy stare he'd had before we climbed into bed, but this one is nothing but total and complete defeat.
"Do you think they called yet?"
He takes a slow step toward the bed, larger and more elegant than anything we had back in Dauntless and certainly not put together by this grandpa, and his eyes move from the intricate bedframe back to me. They stay there for a beat, examining the wood intently until the design grows boring.
"Eva?"
"I'm sure my grandpa called," I answer carefully, watching his face tighten as he looks at mine. I'm guessing it's the matching bruise on my face. It's not as dark as his, but it's there, blossoming from the very spot Marcus had hit me. "I'm guessing it went fine. They haven't shown up yet and if things were bad, you know they would have."
Adam's posture changes, and I pretend it's because this day is finally catching up to him and not because of our parents coming to find us.
Because the day had certainly caught up to me.
After we'd finished our dinner with my grandparents, we hung out with them for just a little while longer. They both were unwilling to let us out of their sight. Daniel seemed to hold a fleeting irritation than we'd been in Amity, more jealous that we'd been there not here, but also a greater concern that we'd been left alone. He did confess that Harrison had done a great job keeping us safe, but I couldn't tell if he was being subtly snarky with that comment, or if he was wondering what he would have done if someone had shown up here to try and kill us. He looked resigned to admitting such a thing, then smiled, scooted closer to hug me again, and promised me we could stay here as long as we wanted.
I had to look down so he wouldn't see that I was close to shutting my eyes and not opening them. I had been fine while we were eating, but once my grandma tried to convince us to have dessert, it hit me –a wave of exhaustion crashing over me as the adrenaline finally wore off. My body betrayed my wanting to stay with my grandparents and catch up by reminding me that I was pretty worn out. It took all my effort to stay seated upright and even more of an effort to keep talking, begging off dessert and promising them we were fine.
Or as fine as we could be.
I kept looking over at Adam, hoping he was handling this as okay as he could, and he was. Sort of. His shoulders were still high up, his brow was furrowed together, and this time, he frowned when my grandma whispered something to him. As much as I hated to admit it, the triumphant feeling of survival wasn't enough to outweigh how we'd gotten here or why we were here.
I politely declined dessert when everything began to hurt, and it wasn't much longer before my grandpa noticed.
Rather than cookies or brownies, he gave Adam and I heavy doses of something and instructed us to go to bed and leave him to deal with my father.
I was uneasy at the thought of him calling, if only because my grandpa didn't know everything that had happened. The basics of it were horrifying enough, but I had left out the part where Marcus went after Adam with a vengeance, then threatened his life if I tried to stop him. Daniel had only the most minor of details and telling him more felt impossible, like if he knew everything, he might not call anyone.
I tried to chalk it up to being tired. I knew this would take a few days to get over, but I hated the anxiety it was causing. I sat there at a formal dining table too large for just two people, stuck with the wretched feeling of doubt. It quickly morphed into feeling pretty insecure about my standing as a member of the Dauntless faction, considering how things had gone down.
All I could think was what would anyone else have done? Would my friends have been able to do better? Figured out what was going on faster? Would Zander have taken the risk of just going right after Marcus, or would he have tried to figure out how to play Marcus' game? Would Gunner or Aja have refused to back down, ignoring the sickening feeling of fear even if it meant dying?
Then there was my father.
When he learned what happened, it was unlikely he'd be impressed or thrilled to learn that Marcus was still out there. He wouldn't have left him without making sure he was dead, and he certainly wouldn't have run. He would think I didn't do enough. I might have saved Adam and myself from dying in the snow, but I hadn't done anything to protect anyone else. I had left Marcus free to find someone else and take his rage out on them.
I also wondered if Adam would have something to say about that. I wondered if he felt I hadn't done enough. He'd gone after Jeremy for me, and while I had pushed Marcus away and split his head open, I hadn't been able to stop him completely. I didn't know what Marcus had planned, but I wasn't willing to risk him really hurting Adam by trying anything.
I had a feeling that damage had already been done.
The bruises and marks would fade. The crack in his lip would heal and so would the memory of his grandfather coming after him. But Adam had always been mistrusting, and this certainly wouldn't help.
"Are you mad at me?"
I stare at him as he climbs into bed. The bruise on his face is both darker and lighter, messily sprawling from his eye down to the top of his cheek. There are others; red marks that are more telling than his eyes, and a few scratches I'd missed. Nothing is bleeding anymore, but the way he's staring makes me wonder if Marcus had hit something I couldn't see.
"Adam?"
"Why would I be mad at you?" Adam shakes his head, and he pushes the covers back to climb into bed. His shirt is so white it's blinding, and he swallows when I reach for him. "You saved my life Eva. I would have died out there if it wasn't for you. I should have fought him off. I already know I'm going to hear about it from my dad."
The change in his demeanor becomes clear with the anguish in his words; failing to kill Marcus would be a mistake on his part, one that would be unforgivable by his father.
Except Four would have no idea what had happened. How desperate it felt to know that Marcus could have killed us, was oh so close to accomplishing such a vile act and how we had no way out. He wouldn't know that our options had been limited to almost nothing, and the fight or flight reflex had crossed its wires. I had wanted to both fight and flee, but it was an impossible choice. Marcus hunting us down was the perfect disaster scenario created by him: an empty, snowy wonderland, a creepy forest, an almost frozen river, and a madman with a gun.
All that was missing was a candlestick and my grandpa reminding us no one got murdered in the kitchen.
"He would have killed you," I needlessly remind Adam, and my fingers touch the borrowed shirt. I move them to the bottom, and I pull it up before he can say anything. There's a slight flinch in his posture, but when I freeze, he finishes the act for me. The shirt lands somewhere on the large bed with the softest sound, and Adam's smile is slight.
"It's oddly cold in here."
I agree. Even with the heat on, it still felt chilly. I move closer so I can wrap my arms around him, and he mirrors my collapse against him. We fall into overstuffed pillows and stiff sheets, and he manages to grasp the comforter up with one hand and pull it over us.
"This is…interesting here."
Adam voice is drowned out by the beating of his heart, and he shifts to glance around the room again.
"It's very…. formal."
He's not wrong. This guest room is far unlike the bedroom in Amity. The bed is new, the sheets are sharp and cold, and the windows are covered with heavy blue drapes.
I like it in an entirely different way.
It feels safer here. We're up on the second floor, and the heavy doors that lead to this bedroom are set back so it would be hard to see them if you didn't know where to look. The room was heated by electric heat, humming along into the night without our help.
The differences might have been striking, but Adam holds onto me just as tightly as he did back in Amity. My head is against his chest, resting there while he gets comfortable, and he fidgets until he can slide his fingers under my shirt. His breathing is slow and even, but not as easy as it should be.
It might be the marks across his chest. I immediately dislike this new bruising. I hadn't seen it earlier, but now that his shirt is off, I can. There are dark marks across his ribs, slicing into tender skin leaving an ugly bruise. I could almost feel the burn of each one, and just how painful the blows would have been.
My fingers skim close to the edge of one, not wanting to cause any more hurt, but wishing there was something I could do to get rid of them. If I had more energy I'd go find Daniel, because he had to have something to put on them.
"He's going to tell me I should have done more. Or that he wouldn't have been afraid…" Adam trails off and his confession hangs there between us. I knew he had been afraid, because I had, too, but I felt like it was pretty excusable.
He doesn't seem to think so.
He rests his hands on my back, curling in as he tries to move me closer.
I can't get any closer.
I'm completely against him, my legs slid through his and my arms around him. I can feel every beat of his heart, every deep inhale, and every long exhale, and the unfair worry that's beginning.
"None of this is your fault," I promise, and I have a feeling he's going to believe it is until proven otherwise. "Adam, I swear Marcus would have found you one way or another. He would have waited until he found you alone. Maybe on some patrol. Maybe outside of Dauntless. It doesn't even matter where. He would have done the same thing to make you think he needed help, and then, who knows? Maybe I wouldn't have been there, or maybe he would have killed you. And then…"
I stop talking, because the rest of my sentence makes my stomach turn over.
"I shouldn't have believed him." Adam tightens his grip on me, grasping on so tightly it nearly hurts, but I don't mind. I had been terrified while we were out there, and the feeling of his hands on my skin reassures me I'm alive. "He's still out there you know."
"It's okay. You didn't have any reason not to believe him," I lift my head up to look at him, hoping he'll believe me. The angle is awkward, but I'm rewarded with him glancing down at me, and he looks less upset than before. "After we have the official medical clearance, we'll go home and things will go back to normal. Whatever that normal is. Someone will find Marcus and we won't have to worry about him."
There's cowardice in that statement, but also a sense of realization that this was bigger than me. I couldn't take Marcus down on my own, not even with Adam's help. This would take someone who knew him, or knew how to get to him first.
"I wonder if our class is done," Adam yawns, and I'm relieved when he shifts his focus to initiation and less on his father. I feel his fingers slide up my back, the touch softening slightly, and I know he won't stay awake much longer. "Or what they're doing. I bet everyone already moved on to where they're going to live."
"Oh, probably."
I hadn't given that much thought. Back in Amity, my father announced the initiation was almost over. I didn't know what we'd missed, but I knew the rankings would be posted, there would be a celebration, and we'd get to choose apartments. I'd told my mother I was going to live alone, but Marcus trying to kill me would change everything. My father would immediately declare living by myself to be unsafe, especially now.
He couldn't force me to stay living with him, but I'd have to work fast considering I didn't know anything about finding an apartment.
"Eva…"
Adam says my name so quietly I almost can't hear him, but he doesn't finish what he's saying. He falls asleep a second later, his fingers lessening their grip just enough that I know he's no longer awake, and his whole body relaxes.
Mine does, too.
I fall asleep right along with him, finally warm, and finally less afraid than I was before.
The yelling starts sometime in the morning.
I open my eyes to a still dark room, the heat working to keep it warm, and Adam half on top of me. I close my eyes in hopes that I'm dreaming, but I'm not.
The yelling continues; it's muffled and incomprehensible, but loud enough that I know someone has shown up, and they aren't very happy.
"Your dad or mine?" Adam mumbles into my hair, and he doesn't make any move to get up. He pushes himself closer, his body heavy and hot and his limbs pinning me in place, and I have no chance of figuring out who's downstairs.
"I think it's mine," I answer lowly, completely unprepared to face him. The yelling didn't sound good, in fact, it sounded pretty ragey. It echoed up the stairs, all the way to the door of the bedroom. It wasn't getting any fainter, either. In fact, it grew louder as whoever it was became more and more worked up.
"He sounds really happy," I sigh, and I'm not sure how I'll find the energy to even go down there and see what's going on. "What time is it?"
"I don't know," Adam answers, and he shares my lack of desire to go downstairs. He moves himself off me, but then immediately pulls me back against his chest. "We could always pretend we aren't here."
I let out a huff of laughter, because while appealing, the idea won't fly.
The yelling grows louder, so loud that there's a shuffle, another shriek, and a large crash that forces me up and out of bed.
"THEY COULD HAVE DIED!"
The yelling belongs to pretty much everyone I know, but one person in particular.
My father.
By the time I make it to the stairs, my grandparents' entryway is crowded with angry guests. My dad is the first one I see, dressed and stalking around like he's looking for someone to murder. I watch him yell at Ally for coming too close to him, and he tells her if she doesn't bring me to him, he'll accept her head as a substitute.
Ally is rightfully terrified. She's saved by my mother pulling my father away and hissing for him to stop threatening people. My mom somehow forcibly drags him over to stand by Tris, a funny sight considering he's twice their size and still snarling for someone to find me. He only quiets down when Tris asks where Adam is, fully expecting my father to have an answer by now. She's off to the side, glancing around miserably and trying to stay out of the way, and her expression grows even more stressed when my dad snaps at her that if he knew, he wouldn't be waiting here now would he?!
Behind them are more people.
Jason, trying to help Karl fix a large painting that had either fallen or been ripped down off the wall. They take a step back to admire their work, but the painting tilts, then falls back to the ground to recreate the same crash as before.
"Well, shit." Jason swears, and he looks at Karl. "Do you know how to fix it?"
"I uh..." Karl looks at him in surprise, and he shakes his head furiously. "Actually, you know what? I have no clue. The pictures I have at home aren't life sized or this heavy. I have no idea how this was held in place."
My grandfather looks around the entry of his house and his eyes are wide. He takes in everyone, specifically Karl and Jason, and sighs heavily. He then promises them it's fine, that the portrait of his parents can no doubt be fixed, and he offers to make everyone some coffee.
My other grandfather is here, too. He's dressed all in black and looking unquestionably bored as he examines the wallpaper. Behind him, my grandmother is talking with Camille while Forrest also examines the wallpaper, his eyes narrowing critically as though he were an expert on home décor.
He and my grandfather both make a face at each other, but they immediately agree to Daniel's offer of coffee.
The others mill around unsure what to do. A few are soldiers from Dauntless and a few are men and women from Amity. Ally stays by the side, begging Jason to just leave the picture alone, but he ignores her. They try once more, and everyone watches Karl and Jason drop the picture for a third time and then jump away when the glass cracks.
The last person to wander in is the security guard from last night.
He spies us right as my grandfather announces the coffee will be out shortly, and his gaze flashes with recognition. He's knocked out of the way by Forrest asking how the security gates work, then Harrison asking what the fail rate on them is.
There's another round of arguing when Jason announces the gates wouldn't withstand much of an attack, and I take a step back up the stairs, unprepared to go down and face our families.
I had imagined our return to Dauntless would be chaotic, and it was.
I just hadn't imagined it happening in Erudite.
"Uh, should we go down there? Or should we just…let them come find us…" Adam half whispers, and I know he shares my urge to retreat back to the guest room.
"I think we have to see them," I answer him reluctantly, and my fingers cling to the bannister. "Or they'll come up here."
"You're looking for them, right? They showed up last night, looking like hell. Those two up there."
The security guard grows tired of everyone around him and he points to us. He speaks so loudly it echoes in the grand foyer, and everyone's head turns in our direction. They all stop what they're doing the minute they realize Adam and I are standing there, frozen halfway down the stairs staring back at them.
"Eva?"
"Adam?"
A half second later, we are mobbed by everyone, and the picture crashes to the floor once more, completely shattering.
"Are you okay? Like, really okay? Because if you aren't, I can sneak us out of here. I know there's a backdoor somewhere." My mother whispers while she hugs me, clutching my hair and preventing my father from hauling us away. Every so often, her fingers graze over my cheek, not quite daring to touch where I'd been hit. "I can try and drive us back."
"I'm okay, I swear," I answer, squished between her and her mother. They are both looking at me carefully, and my grandmother is staring at the stitches and sighing more than I'd like. "Do you even know how to drive?"
"No," my mother shrugs, and her grip on me tightens. "But it looks easy enough. I bet I could figure it out."
"Everly, you can't drive her home. I don't need you both dying this morning. I've been through enough as it is."
My father's commentary is dark, heavy with sarcasm and irritation. He's been relegated to sitting; his own father forced him not to stomp around and destroy anything, and firmly made him choose a seat at the dining table and stay there. Now he sits across from me, reclined back in his seat in a way that announces he's not going to hurt anyone, but he could if he wanted to. Or if his father was gone long enough.
"Eric, no one is dying," My mother gently reminds him, but she sounds like she's trying to convince herself of this. "They got away. That's all that matters."
"Sure," my father shrugs, accepting this as if my mother had told him it was sunny outside. "I suppose that's one way to look at it."
"Eric!" My mother hisses his name, and both of my grandmothers frown at him.
So far, this reunion was not going great.
My mother and father had reached me at the same exact same time. There was a momentary struggle over who got to make sure I was alive first, and my mother won out. There was a burst of horror when she saw what Marcus had done, and though she had me in her arms, she reeled back to examine my head. Her lips parted in disbelief, and I knew what she was looking at it. The bruise on my face looked worse than it did last night but Daniel promised me it would fade quick.
Just as I predicted, my father was losing his mind with every passing second. From beside her, he swore frequently, furious that I'd been hurt, furious that Adam had been hurt, then pointing out that no one knew if Marcus was alive or not. He announced the same for Peter, crossing his arms over his chest and retreating down the steps. He paused to look at Adam, his grey eyes flashing so darkly I thought he might actually pass out from his rage, then he stalked away without even trying to hug me.
For a heart shattering minute, I thought he really and truly was mad at me.
Once we looked eyes, I knew it was the exact opposite.
He was afraid.
Very afraid.
And he didn't know how to handle it.
"Where's Four?" I ask my mother quietly, and her eyes flick over to Tris.
The absence of Adam's father spoke volumes, though it was probably for the best right now. Adam was sitting safely between my grandfathers, carefully sharing every detail they might find helpful, and his mother sat a seat away. She had managed to hug him, but it was quick and not the reunion she was hoping for. She, too, had an expression of panic at seeing her only son bruised at the hands of his grandfather. She reached for him, her fingers missing his arm by millimeters, and Adam was pulled away by Forrest.
He was nearly knocked over when Forrest tackled him in an attempt to see if he was okay, and that was it. My grandfathers stepped in –Harrison wanting to know every single second of what had happened, and Daniel listening with a horrified look on his face as the real story was revealed, and Tris was relegated to the side.
Every so often one of my grandfathers would interject something. Harrison's commentary was a little more violent, while Daniel made a checklist of all the new things he might need to treat.
Jason and Karl sat on either side of them, patiently giving Adam the support, he needed to explain why he'd gone with Marcus. My father sat in the middle listening to both sides and ignoring Tris.
"Eric…" my mother says his name, hoping he'll look over at us, but he doesn't. He takes a minute to examine the table, then glances up boredly, as though Adam wasn't currently explaining that Marcus had waved a gun at us.
"Dad are you okay?"
I look directly at my father, watching him sink down so low in his chair that he looks comical, and he shakes his head.
"No, Eva, I am not okay."
He then sits back up, the chair creaking with the force of him moving, and I half expect him to leap across the table and knock my mother away from me. She must be thinking the same thing. She holds onto me tighter, and my grandmother scoots closer, her posture defensive.
"Yesterday, I got a call from Four yelling that he'd gotten a call from you. Something about going somewhere and he wasn't sure where anyone was. Then he swore you said the word Marcus, and perhaps I should check on that." My father announces this loudly, pausing when everyone turns to look at him. "So I did. Jason and I went to look at the cameras and once we backtracked, we discovered all sort of things happening. Eva, walking by herself to the dome, in the snow. Harrison, trapping what appeared to be a turkey at the opposite end of Amity."
"A wild turkey. He was picking on the chickens," my grandpa offers, shrugging like my father should have known this. "You're more than welcome to come over for dinner, by the way. I was thinking we'd have him tonight."
My grandmother picks that moment to return with tea for her and my grandma, and she looks horrified by what she's walked into.
"Um, Eden here. I brought you some honey, too."
"Is it organic?" Forrest leans closer to my grandma, inspecting the tea tray like it was a wild animal. "Or did you make it in your lab?"
"Well, uh…Forrest…" my grandmother smiles, but her head tilts and her eyes narrow. "I don't have a lab nor do the Erudite labs spend their days making honey. I bought it at the store, and I'm assuming it came from your own faction."
"Alright, just curious. Could be mind control honey."
"Mind control honey?" I stare at Forrest like he's insane, and he makes a face at me.
"It could happen. Dad told me about the serums they once made. All kinds of weird stuff. At any rate, I'm glad you're alive, Eva. Adam, you too. We were all worried. Almost all of Amity went to look for you."
"Which leads me to my next point," my father interrupts and his expression is dark and not just because Forrest stopped to ask about the honey. "By the time we realized we were watching Eva and Adam walk off with someone who we could only assume to be Marcus, it was too late. I called Harrison we both tried to tell Four where to go. He was on his way to Amity with a few men, but everyone from Amity had trampled through the fields looking for Eva and Adam. They effectively ruined any trace they might have left."
"We were in the woods forever," I shake my head, wondering how on Earth they missed us. "Wouldn't they have seen us or heard us?"
"They got close to where we think you were. The men from Amity found the boxes you both were carrying but the tracks go in every direction. They followed one set as far into the woods as they could go, but the stopped at the river. They figured you were both dead. By that point, it was too dark to see anything. They relayed everything to us as soon as they were certain you were missing. The call came back that there was no sight of you. Not by anyone from Amity and not by anyone from Dauntless."
"Oh no," I blurt out, and across the table, Tris stares at the wood. I notice she hasn't said a single word since everyone started talking, and she seems to shrink the longer she sits there. "But…Four and the men from Dauntless?"
"All have been reported missing since yesterday," my father responds evenly, and he leans back in his seat to look at my mother. They seem to having some silent, telepathic conversation, but it ends quickly. "We sent a squad out this morning. We've been in contact with every faction. As of now, there's no sign of Four or his team."
"He's missing?" Adam leans away from my grandfather to look at him, and for a few seconds, they stare at each other. "Harrison?"
"Were this any other time, I'd make a joke about Four losing to the turkey," my grandfather flashes a quick wink at me, then he sighs. "But unfortunately, Eric is right. We accompanied the Dauntless patrols today, and there was no sign of him or Marcus. The assumption is one of them killed the other, or they wound up in the river. We're hoping Four had the upper hand, but don't have anything to prove that. We've still got men and women searching, but so far, we've come up empty handed except for some very minor evidence."
"None of you are worried about this?" I ask, and my mother pulls me back against her. She smells like home, like pretty flowers and our apartment and the very feeling of living in Dauntless, and her head touches mine. "How are you all here? Why is no one out there looking for Four? Tris are you…"
I can't bring myself to say anything, because I had been wrong.
I thought it was bad enough that Marcus had nearly killed Adam and me, but our escape from him would be worthless if he'd killed Adam's father.
Tris finally looks at me, her eyes dark and wet, and I know it's not good.
"I'm…I'm not alright, but Four knows what he's doing. If anything, I expect he'll return to Dauntless soon and tell us Marcus is dead. I can't imagine the other outcome. I can't…" Tris stops. She bows her head down, and my father looks down at her with mild concern.
"He'll be fine. If he can survive working with Rylan, he can survive being lost in Amity for a few hours," my father offers, shrugging with as much sympathy as he can muster. Across the table, my mother must be glaring at him because he glares back at her. "What? I'm being supportive. You said be supportive. Four isn't a total moron. He can hang out in a tree until I can find him."
"Eric," my mother hisses, and normally, someone would be laughing. "This isn't the time for your witty remarks. Four is missing and you know damn well Marcus would kill him if he got the chance. Eva, we're all here because Daniel called last night and told us you were alive. No one wanted to stay behind because we'd spent a few hours thinking you were dead. We left Zander in charge, so hopefully the faction is still standing when we return."
"Oh," I deflate, and I wonder where on Earth Four and the missing men were. "You really think Four is okay?"
"I'm sure he's fine," my mother answers, and she pulls me back closer. "Eric, you also think he's…alive, right?"
To his credit, my father nods his head and keeps his mouth shut.
Something else nags at me, and I look over at Jason and Karl.
"Hey, where is Rylan?" I ask, untangling myself from my mother and reaching for the coffee someone had brought me. His presence was noticeably absent, especially now that it was quiet. I half expected him to pop out of nowhere, with a smart aleck comment about Four or Amity or Marcus, but I'm met with silence. Everyone looks at each other rather than me, until my dad clears his throat.
"He uh, he went along with Four. They're both missing." My father's answer makes my stomach sink. He looks miserable, and when his grey eyes find mine, they are heavy with unease. "You and Adam are coming back to Dauntless tonight. No more of this."
His words are final. The practically slam down onto the table along with his fist, and this time, no one dares argues with him.
Not even Daniel.
The goodbyes take forever.
Daniel and Camille are reasonably upset, but they handle it gracefully. They both offer their help in finding Four and Rylan, and my grandpa looks especially upset over Rylan being missing. Harrison and Eden mirror their exact sentiments, though they try once more to get Adam and I back in Amity, even at the risk of pissing off my father.
It's a very dark no from him, and this time, my mother agrees.
"They should come home. I know you all took great care of them, but…it's too nerve wracking to have them not in the faction with us."
My mother tries to explain this gently, careful not to upset them and doing her best to make sure they understand it's not them, but the fact that things were too up in the air. She goes on to say if Marcus is still alive, he could easily show back up.
My grandmother looked at me then, her eyes widening slightly, and I knew she hadn't told anyone that not only had Marcus been in Amity, but he'd been in their kitchen.
She and my grandpa finally agreed we should go home, and my mother hugged each of them for a long time. They are pacified by her words, but Forrest is visibly upset when Adam says goodbye, and the men from Amity look defeated as well.
"Promise me you'll come back soon. Or if Eric won't let you leave, we'll come to you." Forrest shakes his hand, then forgoes the formal exchange by wrapping his arms around Adam so he can't move and whispering in his ear.
Adam laughs, his face brightening at whatever Forrest is saying, and they part ways as though they'd been friends forever.
I'm brought back to Earth when Daniel hugs me so tightly it hurts. His shirt is freshly pressed and stiff against my cheek, and he holds onto me until I agree. We both know that it'll be a while before Adam and I can go anywhere, but I wouldn't come back to Erudite to stay with him for a few days. "Eva, please keep me updated on how you two are feeling. If your dad won't let you stay here, I can come to Dauntless. Anything you need, just promise me you'll call."
"I promise."
"Did he propose yet?" My grandpa says this low enough so only I can hear, and I would bet he's looking back at Adam. "He was absolutely distraught that you'd think this whole thing was his fault. He said if anything, Marcus should have taken him and not you. I figured he'd at least bring it up when you went to bed."
"You guys talked?" I pick my head up off Daniel's chest, and he smiles down at me. I've always liked how organized he is. In a lot of ways, he reminded me of my father. Even in this hectic morning, his appearance was neat and well put together. His hair was perfectly parted and held in place, his glasses were spotless and heavy, and even his posture was perfect. "When you went to see how he was?"
"Yes. I have the sneaking suspicion he has some internal bruising, but he claimed he was fine and just wanted to go lie down. He's very attached to you. His whole concern was that you'd never speak to him again."
I stare at my grandpa and in the background, Adam is a blur. I can make out that he's now standing and talking with my father and Jason. His posture is way more casual than it has been; his hands are in his pockets, he shrugs a few times, and once, when my father says something I can't hear, Adam smiles. It's not entirely a happy grin, but the sight is reassuring.
"I'm not mad at him. I thought for sure we'd both wind up dead." I try to listen to what my father is saying, but all I hear is the word administration, and I realize it's probably him explaining that he's contacted someone to deactivate my life until Marcus has been found. "He didn't say anything to me about… proposing…."
I trail off, not sure what I even would have done if he had brought it up. I hadn't been so sure I wanted Adam to ever propose. The thought of marrying him felt like something that would be mocked forever, even if I did love him. We'd never live down the stigma of who our parents are or the names they'd given us. We'd never escape hearing the story of how we'd grown up together or taken naps together or how Adam had been my first and best friend in the whole world and how it wasn't truly our feelings, but some dumb joke from our parents.
But the thought of being apart from him, if one day he did decide he wanted to be married and I turned him down, was enough to make me reconsider.
Even at eighteen.
I close my eyes for a second, thinking I must be delirious.
"I promise if he does propose, I'll tell you first. I haven't forgotten." I hug my grandfather again, so tightly that my ribs hurt, and I stay there like I need to memorize this moment.
I don't.
There will be plenty more with him, but right now, I am eternally grateful that he looked out for Adam without question.
"I love you, Eva. Call me when you get to Dauntless so I know your father hasn't hidden you somewhere ridiculous." Daniel finally lets go of me, and his smile is sad. "I hope he lets you two come back here. We really enjoyed having you stay with us." He glances over at Harrison, sizing him up even though there is absolutely no way to compare them, and he sighs. "Next time, we want a week."
"You'll have to get it approved through my dad," I laugh, feeling marginally better than I had a few minutes ago. "I'll miss you. Maybe you can convince him we need a break this spring."
"I'm on it."
And that's it.
The goodbyes end with Daniel stepping aside so my grandma can hug me goodbye while Camille hugs Adam goodbye. I'm swallowed by dark fabric and a purple scarf, and my grandmother asks me to call her when I get home. She and Harrison are quick and reasonably bummed out that we'll be going to Dauntless, but there's no way they can convince my parents otherwise. They say their goodbyes to my father's parents as we walk out, thanking them for the tea and coffee, and telling them their house is lovely.
"Mostly lovely. The wallpaper is a bit much. Gave me vertigo looking at it," Harrison mumbles, and next to him, Forrest agrees.
"Yeah, I almost barfed. Thanks Mr. and Mrs. Coulter! It was a pleasure. And thanks for the book, too! I heard this was a good one!" Forrest waves enthusiastically, holding a large thick book in his hand, and I wonder if he's suddenly taken an interest in brain surgery.
That might prove not great for the Amity faction.
"Let me know what you think of it. Come by next time you're close by!" My grandpa calls back, and Harrison rolls his eyes as helps my grandmother climb into the truck.
"Oh yeah, like Forrest just wanders into Erudite for espresso in his free time." He closes the truck door, then salutes Daniel. "Till next time, Daniel."
"Goodbye, Harrison."
They have a strange, silent stand off as they both look at each other. I watch them as my father practically picks me up and puts me in the truck, finally satisfied that I'm going home. I half expect my mother to climb in beside me, but she doesn't. She stands outside talking to Tris, and Adam slides into the seat before anyone can say anything.
"Can you believe that, less than twenty-four hours ago, we were swimming in an icy river, trying not to get shot?"
Adam scoots close to me, so close that his thigh touches mine, and his knees are way higher. He grins down at me, taking my hands into his, and just like that, it's only him and me in the truck.
The thought of his father being missing is momentarily forgotten as outside, someone yells something about a wild boar.
"No. I had somehow forgotten about nearly dying of hypothermia and getting hit in the head by a dead tree." I smile up at him, and he lets out a snicker of laughter. "Are you ready to go home?"
"You know, as much as I enjoyed our time away, I think I am."
The door to the truck slams shut with a bang, like someone is afraid we'll get out and decide to leave, and there's muffled conversation that we can't hear. A second later my mother appears in the front, and she scoots close to my father. The act seems romantic and sweet, but she's only doing it so he'll turn the heat on.
He very unwillingly does.
The ride back to Dauntless is quiet, but warm, and no one says anything until we arrive at the large gates guarding the faction.
Our return is hardly triumphant.
We are greeted by what looks like half the control room. Kacie stands there with a row of soldiers behind her, and she welcomes us back with a tight smile.
We walk in behind my parents, Tris, Jason, Karl, and the men who had accompanied them to Erudite. My father leads the way, breezing through the security clearance without stopping and gesturing for all of us to follow him.
I hang back when I hear one of the women saying there's been no contact with Four. She's trying to speak softly, but her words echo in the large room and she looks over at Adam and I with a panicked frown. She composes herself quickly, then she explains they've tried everything: tracking his phone, calling, texting, searching the security feeds for him, and sending out patrols in rotating, overlapping shifts to search the woods. Kacie listens, then adds that they've started to search Candor as well, but Jack is demanding to speak to my father immediately.
All of this makes my stomach knot up. I turn back to catch a final glimpse of the outside world disappearing beneath the large docking bay doors like I fully expect Four to come walking back in, and Adam stops to wait. I catch him staring at me, just like back in the guest room, and I wonder if he's worried about his father. The last I knew, they hadn't really spoken. Things between them had been especially tense since we started initiation. We all knew Four had high expectations for Adam, and those expectations weren't anything Adam wanted.
I now knew all he really wanted was to feel loved.
It was the same way Daniel and Camille sat up late at night, drinking their fancy tea and overpriced coffee in delicate cups while a fire roared in a fireplace taller than I was. The same way Harrison and Eden spent their days in Amity together, strolling through the flower gardens they planted, cheerfully avoiding the bear traps and fending off wild beasts. The same way my father smiled at my mother, really smiled at her –not just an arrogant smirk or a snicker when she rolled her eyes at him, but really and truly smiled, because she loved him and no one else.
Adam wanted someone who wasn't going to blame or judge him, and who simply liked Adam for the person he was.
I could do that.
Whole heartedly.
I had a feeling his father loved him, too, even if Adam didn't think so.
"Are you coming?"
I turn to see Adam right next to me, and up ahead, I hear my father yelling for us. He waits impatiently, staring us down with a vengeance, and he waits until he's sure I'm not lagging behind.
"Yeah, I was just thinking about something…"
It's a lousy answer.
The better thing to do would be to take his hand in mine, slip my fingers through his until our palms touched, and walk back into Dauntless together. It feels like forever since we left with our class but coming back together gives me the strange feeling that things will be different from here on out.
It doesn't take very long to prove I'm right.
"Was it huge?"
Rachel stares at me, eyes blinking rapidly as she takes in the large apartment with thinly veiled jealousy. She leans against the counter, and her eyes are glued to the bruise on my face. Then she remembers she's polite, and she forces herself to look somewhere else. "I've heard your grandma and grandpa have an amazing house in Amity. I mean, no one ever invited me whenever you guys went, but I would have liked to go."
She pauses, her frame looking thinner than when I last saw her, but stronger. Her hair is twisted up in two buns, and her leggings are ripped at the knees. It's a different look than I remember her having, but I would guess it coincided with the large ring on her right hand.
"Eva…"
Everything is different.
It might have just been me, feeling like I was entering a strange upside down world after spending so much time in Amity. My time in Erudite had been fleeting, but even that had kept me away from the dark underground faction I called home. I had found myself shivering as we walked further into the compound and squinting as my eyes tried to adjust to the lower lighting. I caught my shoe on one of the rockier steps and was saved by Jason and Adam grabbing me before I could fall to my death.
I tried to force the memory of how familiar all this should be. I'd long skipped up those very steps, wearing a too short dress and Adam's jacket while I dashed home hoping to beat my father there. I'd long walked dark hallways in dim lighting, unafraid of what came around the corner. I knew the fastest way to the kitchens, the longest way home from the roof and the routes where the security cameras didn't work.
Adam had taught me that one.
Our teen years might have been awkward and strange, but we spent a lot of time heading home, and he was often unwilling to return to his parents any sooner than necessary. He liked to stall, taking us through a maze of hallways and groaning metal staircases, all under the guise of not wanting to be seen by those in the control room.
We walked up one of those sets of stairs tonight, and right into a familiar face.
Rachel was the first person to realize we were back, and she practically leapt out of the alcove to get to me. She hugged me fiercely, whispering to come find her as soon as I could, and let go only because Aja arrived to take her to lunch. His face lit up when he saw Adam, but it fell when my father escorted us around the corner and to the elevators with one tense scowl.
Our walk to our respective homes was pretty quiet. Tris and my mother talked between themselves, and I didn't want to listen. Tris' voice wavered as she debated going to find Four herself, and my mother held her arm as she fumbled to look for her key card.
"I'll go with you if you want. You went with me to find Eric. It's only fair."
My father's head whipped around so fast it was as if he were possessed. He roared my mother's name along with more than a few swear words, then told the two of them the best thing they could do for Four was to stay put.
Adam and I wisely avoided getting involved in this argument.
We could have insisted upon going back to the river, because that was where Marcus had been shooting at someone. There was a chance it had been Four, but I knew I'd have better luck asking my father if he was okay if I moved to Amity than asking to go with them to investigate.
We split up when Tris got to her apartment, and Adam went over to her without being asked. He stood there while she tried to swipe her card, then very carefully took it from her when the door refused to open.
"I can do it."
It was an odd moment, watching him help his mother while she struggled to hold it together. She looked up at him with the saddest of all smiles, and they disappeared into the dark.
I followed my parents into our apartment, but only for a second.
Turns out, I was wrong about one thing.
I wasn't going to be living with them.
My mother explained this quickly, heading to the counter to pick up an envelope. She told me they didn't want me leaving Dauntless for any reason, but they also knew living with them would feel suffocating. My mother grinned widely as she congratulated me on ranking second, having scored only behind Adam, and told me to enjoy the new living space I'd been assigned.
"You're sure you didn't pick it out?" I asked, but I was in total shock. Hours ago, I'd been presumed dead. Even if just for a minute, that had to cause enough panic that I was sure I'd never get to leave their apartment, no matter what I ranked.
Now I was being handed a key to my own apartment.
"No, they assign them! Not that I ever had one assigned to me." My mother looked pleased, and in the background, my father closed his eyes and pressed on his temples. "But your father did go down there and talk to the people in the administrative office. And he did insist that you not live in some shitty apartment on a floor where we can't find you."
"Where is it at?" I stared at the key in my hand, the name Evangelina Coulter neatly printed on the black card, and I felt oddly euphoric. "You're really letting me move out?"
"You can stay if you want," my father pointed out with his eyes still shut. "But we thought you might want some space. Though you have to promise me you'll go see Arlene and make sure nothing is broken."
There was a small part of me that didn't want to leave. I had stared at him, his blonde hair cut short on the sides and slicked over on the top, his uniform crisply ironed, and his boots tightly laced, and I felt homesick while standing in my own home. I had spent countless hours with my father, watching our favorite shows, cooking dinners together, and eating while he ranted about how many breaks the newer office staff took.
It felt odd to think I wouldn't wake up to find the notes he'd written –ones more or less demanding I stay alive or else, or to see him pretending to turn the heat on so my mother would quit asking.
"Will you show me where it is?"
He had.
They both had, but my mother left when her phone rang and it was someone from Amity with a tiny speck of news. My father hadn't stayed long either, but he did show me that I lived a whopping eight doors down. I could easily run to their apartment if I needed to, but there was enough distance that I didn't feel like I was living next door.
The apartment was larger than I expected, and set up differently than my parent's. It was mostly furnished with pieces nicer than anyone else would have gotten. In the living room, there was a large black couch, a tv screen set up so I could watch whatever I wanted, and towering bookshelves. There was a dining room table, a kitchen that was spotless and shiny, and a hallway led to two bedrooms. One was much larger than the other, and that one held my bed. They must have worked quickly to get everything in here and set up. The closet held all of my clothes, sundresses I'd inherited from my mother, plenty of shirts and leggings, and finally, Adam's jacket, hung right up in the middle.
There was a second wave of homesickness, not for my old bedroom, but for him.
I'd have the luxury of spending my days with just Adam, and it felt wrong he wasn't here with me.
There were other things I'd noticed that were the work of my mother, and they eased the weight of Adam being with his mom. A pretty mirror that had no doubt been purchased from the market, new shoes, all kinds of shampoo and conditioner, and an oversized pink blanket on the dresser. There were flowers beside it and an envelope that I would guess held a second keycard that opened up this apartment.
I had planned on opening it, until Rachel showed up to question me about my grandparent's house.
Funny enough, that felt just as invasive as her asking about my parent's sex life.
"It's a nice house. My grandpa has worked on it for years," I answer, and her eyes light up. "What did I miss while I was gone? Anything good?"
"What did you miss or what did you and Adam miss?" Rachel cuts right to the chase, and she emphasizes Adam. "How the hell did Eaton hightail it out of Dauntless and get to spend a week in Amity? We had to finish with Zander, who has been a miserable grump since you didn't come back."
"Why is he miserable?" I lean against the counter myself, thinking I should offer her something to drink. But I'm not even sure if I have any cups. "Is he okay?"
I feel awkward even asking, though Rachel had been a really good friend to me. In an odd turn of events, she and I had gotten fairly close during initiation –especially since Kat had avoided me like the plague.
It's obvious Rachel does, too.
She stares at me with a funny look on her face, then averts her stare completely.
"Sorry," I shake my head as I step closer. "I don't even know where to start. Everything feels so weird. It's like I've been gone forever. Everything that happened in Amity was insane and now I'm back here, and I feel like I don't know where I fit. I don't even know where you live or…that you're…. engaged."
"Eva!" Rachel looks ready to either smack me or laugh, but I'm relieved when she smiles. "We'll talk about me later. Everyone was going nuts that you guys were gone. They're so happy you're back and alive. We heard you guys were attacked. Aja and Gunner wanted to go help, but they told us we all had to stay here and finish. Don't feel weird. And…I'm surprised your mom didn't tell you, but Kat dumped Zander right before initiation ended. Like, right in the middle of the Pit."
"What!?" I shriek the word, totally thrown off by this news. My brand new apartment pales in comparison to this, because Kat and Zander had been grossly in love with each other, and last I'd heard, he'd promised he'd never dump her. "They broke up? Is he…?"
"Barely hanging on? Yes. Did he take it out on us? Also yes. Did you know he made us work out for twelve hours one day? I couldn't even walk home I was so tired. Aja and I fell asleep on the mats and woke up to your dad yelling that he wasn't above killing Zander himself if he didn't send everyone home right then and there."
"Oh shit," I can't help but laugh, and even Rachel cracks a grin. "What's Zander doing now?"
"Drinking. Banging his way through a few girls to get over the heartache of Kat dumping him. I don't know. I tried to talk to her, but she's turned into a total recluse since that day. She took a job with one of the patrols and no one has really seen her since."
My eyes widen, and Rachel shrugs.
"Honestly, Eva, I'm pretty sure they're still together. I think he's been going to see her and try to win her back. It's a very…tortured time for him. I did see him last week and he said he hoped you were alive."
"Well that's nice," I roll my eyes, but I had a different sort of understanding of how he was feeling. "I hope it works out for them"
"I'm sure it will."
We both fall silent, staring at the pristine counter and the soft kitchen towels someone had left as a gift. They are a very pretty white color, and the note beside them suggests they're from Adam's mom.
"Rachel, I'm really happy you came by. Do you want to see the rest of the apartment? Or should I tell you about what happened?
Rachel looks at me, her blonde hair shiny and pretty, and shakes her head no.
"No. I mean, yes, I do want to see your apartment but not now. I heard your mom bought you all kinds of stuff because she and Christina were in the stores looking for pillows or something for a housewarming gift. But I don't want to hear about that." Rachel flashes me a very knowing smile and I should have guessed what's coming next. "I want to hear what you and Adam did in Amity. And I'm not talking about running through the forest or hanging out with your grandpa."
I laugh, because not only do I know there's no way of getting out of this, it feels downright normal to come right back to her interrogations.
I give in, because normalcy feels good right now, and that's all I have.
"Are you on birth control?"
Rachel lounges on the large black couch, her shoes off and her feet curled beneath her. Next to her is Pink, busy examining the book on my table until the question catches her interest.
"Yes! I got the shot during training," I remind them both, because their stares are pretty concerned. They look at each other, and I feel slightly insulted at their clear bond. "Okay, don't look at each other like that. We all went to the nurse. I got it then. Or, she told me it was a birth control shot."
"Arlene?" Pink asks, flipping through the pages quickly. "Okay, I love you Eva, but there is no way on Earth that woman gave you anything even remotely close to birth control. We all heard that she was practically arranging your parent's marriage the day your mom got here. I'm sure she's made a deal with the devil to stay alive long enough to see you marry Adam."
"Wait, you don't think it was the real shot?" I stare back in horror, and there's some very genuine panic rising up as I try to remember exactly how many times Adam and I had sex. "Fuck, I should call my mom."
The both look at me with blank stares, and I throw my hands up.
"Okay, my mother knows about birth control. I'll just ask her if what I had was the right one."
"She told us about the note she wrote you," Rachel sweetly announces, and I have the urge to storm eight doors down and demand some answers right now. "She also told us she never once remembered to take any sort of birth control and it's a miracle you don't have a dozen brothers and sisters."
"Gross," I groan, closing my eyes and pretending this conversation isn't happening. "Okay, well now what? We didn't use anything in Amity and I'm not even sure he would know where to get…"
"Condoms?" Pink sets the book down, not having any desire to read the story of a serial killer that my father kindly thought was an appropriate book for a coffee table. "He knew where to get them. Gunner told him where to buy them. He only knew because Rylan told him."
I can feel the color drain from my face.
"So you all just knew he was coming…"
"I mean, we assumed he was coming," Rachel snickers, and even Pink laughs. I throw the fluffy pink couch pillow at them both, but I'm not entirely that mad.
"Get out." I had figured someone had talked to Adam, and Gunner was a much better choice than Jason or Rylan. At the very least, his friends had clearly educated him, because he knew far more than I did. "I hate you both."
"Sorry! You should see your face right now," Pink laughs so hard it takes her a second to catch her breath. "Okay, okay, we were all really excited he went to find you. He was like, in the shittiest mood that Four made him come back here. They kept making these comments to each other and Adam just left Four standing there when he demanded Adam go home to the apartment. Adam joined us for dinner, but finally just got up and was like, I'm going to get Eva. When he didn't come back, we knew he was staying there and you guys were probably enjoying sleeping away from everyone else."
"It was really nice," I admit, ignoring their smug smiles. "You both would have taken the chance if you had it."
"Oh, one hundred percent we would have," Rachel elbows Pink, and they both look at me. "But we want the details. How does he look naked? Did you enjoy it? The first time I had sex with Aja lasted all of two minutes and my hair still got messed up."
"Sounds enjoyable there Rach," Pink answers casually, but she's also waiting. "Come on, Eva. You have to tell us something. We're your best and closest friends. Unless you want to call your mom and tell her. She probably wants to know, too. She told us Adam's name is…"
Pink stops, and clamps her mouth shut.
"Adam's name is what?" I glare at her, but there's some mild panic on her face. "Pink!"
"She's works really fast, Eva. Like, really fast. I don't even think she slept last night to pull all this off. Once they knew you guys were alive, they decided to set all this up." Pink deflects the question, and gestures around the living room. "I mean, how does someone set up an entire apartment over night?"
"What about Adam's name?"
I stare her down, until finally, Pink caves.
Her answer is surprising, but ultimately not at all.
An hour later, the apartment is quiet.
I like it. I find it fairly soothing, though something nags at the back of my mind. I do my best to ignore it while I scroll through my phone in the bath, trying to catch up on everything I'd missed.
Which was a lot.
Along with my clothes from home, my mother and father had gotten my things from the dorm room, and everything was neatly put away. Most of my clothes were hung up, along with new clothes I didn't recognize –including an official uniform that looked oddly intimidating –and all of my personal belongings. I vaguely wondered who'd helped my mother move all this, but I didn't think about it for too long.
I was busy trying to figure out what to do next, or if there even was anything to do next.
I sink lower into the hot water, surrounded by bubbles and a few flower petals that were mixed in, and I read each and every message that's on my phone. I hadn't had it the entire time I was in Amity, and I'd figured it was lost. But it was waiting for me on the nightstand by my bed, fully charged and in one piece.
I started with the older messages first. Some were from initiation, when a few people didn't realize I was gone. There were dozens from Kat, first apologetic and pleading for me to understand what was going on, then angry and hurt that I hadn't answered. The tone changed once I hadn't returned from the War Games, and the most recent ones told me just what Rachel had said. She explained she had broken up with Zander when she realized it had cost her our friendship, and if I returned, she was hoping we'd be friends again.
The others.
Arlene.
Quinten.
Zander, asking if I had my phone.
Rylan, messaging me to say he knew I didn't have my phone but he was hella jealous I was in Amity and he was not.
A mass text from Karl on the family text thread he'd created, announcing he was having not one, but two girls and they were due in the next few months. That thread was lengthy, everyone congratulating him and Charlotte over and over, until my father wished him good luck with that, and the rest of the messages were laughing faces.
I read Pink's texts, telling me she missed me and she hoped Adam and I were alive. Rachel's messages, asking if I was okay, then replying to herself that duh, I clearly didn't have my phone because it was ringing right next to her and she hopes I'm alright.
One from TJ, saying he'd gotten my number from Jason and wanted to know if I'd like a dessert made to celebrate if I survived.
The final one was from Adam.
I saved it to read last, and I open it up to just a few words and my chest tightens.
There in tiny black text are the words I miss you, Evangelina Coulter.
The date above it tells me he sent it a few hours before he showed up in Amity. I smile dumbly at my phone, because he had called me by my full name, a name no one used. Even my father only said it when he wanted to be threatening, but Adam had said it a few times. Meaningful times. When we were little, laughing at how long it was and how hard it was to spell. When we were older, mocking me when everyone else got taller and I didn't.
When he fell asleep beside me on the couch at my parent's house, sick and tired, and thinking I wasn't hearing his confession.
I read it again, carefully typing back I miss you, Adam Eaton. I read it before I hit send, knowing full well his phone isn't on him. It was back in Amity, smashed into a million pieces by Marcus. That memory isn't a great one, so I put the phone on the shelf beside the tub, hoping it won't fall in, and I close my eyes and envision the text getting lost in a bunch of nowhere.
My mind starts to wander, and I end up thinking about where Adam is and what he's doing. I wonder if he'd shown his mother the bruises from Amity, of if he'd gone to try and find his father. That thought makes me panic, so much that I sit up suddenly, sloshing water everywhere.
He had gone to look for me, and there was a very good chance he might try to go find his dad. Especially if he felt like he had something to prove.
I decide to try and find him before he can go. I wash my hair as quickly as I can, and I climb out right as someone knocks on the door.
"Just a second!" I yell, grabbing a towel and hoping they can hear me. There's a pretty high chance they can't, because they knock again, and I rush out of my bedroom and down the hallway. I figure it's probably my mother, coming to see what I'm doing or maybe Rachel, having come back to get the full details of life with Adam in Amity.
I find out it's neither of them.
I fling the door open to some random guy standing there, and he looks surprised to see me.
It's probably the fact that I have nothing on but a towel.
"Can I help you?" I try to pull it tighter, regretting my decision to answer the door before getting dressed. "Hello?"
"Um, hey I'm…you're Eva, right?" The guy looks at me, and I realize he's vaguely familiar. Familiar as in, he looks like everyone else in Dauntless due to their burning desire to wear only black. "I…uh…just wanted to introduce myself. I live next door."
"Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm Eva," I stare back at him, trying to place how I know him. He's not hideous looking in any way, and in fact, if Kat were here, she'd be swooning over the fact that he's older and sort of oddly intense. His hair is longer and curly, and he dramatically flips it out of his eyes when he sees me looking at it. I'm not impressed at all, mostly because I want him to leave so I can get dressed. "Where do you live?"
"Right next door," he flashes me a blinding grin, and I'm reminded of Alex. "I'm Henry. Good friends with your dad."
I try not to laugh.
I could count on one hand the number of people my father was friends with, and this guy certainly wasn't one of them.
"Well, actually, I don't know him that well. I just started working with Four and I see Eric from time to time. I used to run into him when I was younger. I guess I told him I wanted his job and his wife when I was a kid." Henry smiles like this is hilarious, waiting for me to chime in with something.
I don't.
He's trying way too hard, and I would bet a million points my father did not appreciate whatever he said to him, child or no child.
"Great," I answer flatly, and I move to shut the door.
Henry stops me. He catches my unamused expression and holds both his hands up. "Okay, I know you're busy. I just heard you were moving in next door. Saw Eric telling someone how to move a couch and thought I'd come by and introduce myself."
"Cool, well good to know," I answer cheerfully, hoping he'll pick up on my desire for him to never knock on my door again. "Thanks for coming by."
"Sure," Henry answers smoothly, and he stares at me. Blatantly. "Hey, uh, I've been meaning to ask you…"
"Hey, sorry I'm late."
Henry turns around, annoyance creeping across his face at losing his lone chance of wooing the second version of my mother, and he full on drops his smile when he discovers Adam is behind him.
"I ate dinner with my mom. She's still…. pretty upset about my dad so it took longer to leave than planned."
Adam talks directly to me, paying zero attention to Henry. He walks right past him, smirking as the guy tries to step between us and fails miserably. Adam is faster, and he's in front of me before I can blink.
"I just got your text. I missed you, too, Evangelina." Adam says the words with a hint of amused mockery in them, and he stops in the doorway, blocking Henry from doing anything more than looking at his back. His stare takes in my wet hair and bare shoulders, and then lingers on my face. "Jason brought me a new phone. I was walking here to see you when you sent that. You're the first person to message me."
"I thought for sure you were staying with your mom."
I reach for him right as he reaches for me, somehow managing not to drop my towel. His arms wrap around my waist to pull me against his chest, and he walks us back a step into the apartment.
"You're freezing. I'm pretty sure your grandpa said you were supposed to stay warm." Adam half jokes, and he glances back over his shoulder. I think he's about to say something to Henry –something like, nice to meet you or, hey I'm Adam –but instead he kicks the door shut behind him then looks back at me with his lips turned up.
Henry's protest is drowned out by Adam snickering, and looking not at all apologetic.
"Oops, I guess I forgot to introduce myself."
"Thank you for saving me," I answer, rising up to kiss him hello. He willingly obliges, and his lips touch mine for a single, unfair second. He keeps his hand on my back, and the other reaches to touch my hair. "I guess he lives next door."
"Of course he does." Adam is distracted, and he scrunches up his face at my wet hair. "Come on. Let's get you dressed before you really do die of hypothermia. In Dauntless."
"Now wouldn't that be ironic," I laugh, and I want to ask him how Tris is.
I decide not to, because a second later, he leads me down the hallway to my bedroom, like he already knows the way.
This time, Adam is warm.
He hovers over me, his shoulders tensed up and rigid, but his nose touching mine. There's a slow smile on his face now, well earned after the patience of helping me dry my hair. I'd thought he'd find the act mind numbing, but he took Daniel's words seriously. He sat with me while I tried to get it dry as fast as I could, and he watched without any sort of commentary.
Once I was done, he walked with me to the large bed, and sat down on it like he owned the place.
I wasn't expecting anything to happen between us. Last night we'd fallen asleep so exhausted we couldn't see straight, and today we had learned his father was missing. Rylan was missing right along with him, and the news left a pretty crappy feeling hanging in the air. I fully expected Adam to kiss me goodnight and crawl into bed or tell me he'd come back tomorrow. Instead, he pulled up the bottom of the night shirt I had on, stopping when it reached my hips, and my fingers touched his.
Together, we took it off the rest of the way.
There was not a single ounce of hesitation in me now, for nearly dying multiple times in the span of a few days had given me a new perspective on life. I wasn't afraid he'd make a face at the grossly bright purple mark across my cheek, nor would he cringe at pale skin covered in scrapes and red marks left over from nearly freezing.
He didn't do anything of the sort. He simply looked at me, really looked at me, then moved my hair out of the way and touched the side of my head. I had hit it twice, once by the broken tree smashing into me in the river and once on the train.
The stitches felt irritably tight, but other than that, I was fine.
I helped Adam take his shirt off, and before I knew it, I was lying on cold, pink sheets, with only him to keep me warm. My underwear was long forgotten, the pink fabric ruffly and almost a little too much, but it had been a gift from my mother to congratulate me on escaping death. They landed next to Adam's boxer briefs, somewhere on the side of the bed, tossed away without a second thought.
Neither of us bothered to look anywhere but at each other.
In hindsight, I wonder if I could have warmed him up like this. I had tried to take his shirt off, knowing the shirt would freeze against his skin and stay there, and I had done my best to get us to safety. When his lips touched my throat, mumbling something I couldn't make out, I wondered what would have happened if we hadn't found the train. Maybe we would have found shelter, at the very least somewhere out of the snow or up near the tracks, praying we'd stay alive to make it through the night.
"You're really warm now."
Adam kept talking, nudging me with his nose and waiting for me to tell him to stop. We both had every reason in the world to be on edge, but in this moment, I couldn't think of a single one. All I wanted was to keep feeling him, hot against my bare skin, hard against my leg, very gently urging my legs apart.
"It's because of you," my answer is drowned out in a burst of giggling, brought on by his fingers touching the inside of my thigh. He moves himself up higher, covering me so that all I see is him, and he must have taken a shower back home. He smells good, less like the forest of Amity and more like the Adam I'd spent nights sleeping against, and his skin is soft.
I touch his cheek, letting my fingers slide over the bruise, and he tenses up.
"Don't," I shake my head, and he drops his to rest in the palm of my hand. "It'll heal in a few days. I'll ask Arlene for something. But don't think it's bad. We survived and that's all that matters."
He nods slowly, and his eyes are shut. I pull my legs up to touch his, urging him closer, knowing that what he wants is this. Something warm and soft, something not painful or angry, something between him and me.
"I love you," I whisper the words not knowing if he's even listening or if he can hear me or if he understands why I want him to know this now. I do love him, in some way I can't quite explain, other than knowing that when I was with him, it felt right.
Adam's eyes are still shut as he struggles with something in his head, then they open to find mine. They are a darker blue than before, and he stares before he finally nods. His head bends down until his lips press against mine, and he pushes inside me without saying anything. My fingers slide from his cheek to his hair, and I push my legs in closer, drawing him further in, and I feel him shudder against me.
"Eva…."
He mumbles my name, half gasped, half exhaled, and we're suspended in time. Adam doesn't move like I think he will. He stays there until he sinks against me, and I wonder how I ever existed apart from him. There's a moment of pure and extreme need that passes between us, the reassurance that we're just fine, and that I would still want him even if he hadn't been able to kill his grandfather.
My free hand skims over his shoulders, down his back, right as his hips move faster. He sets a pace that he needs, and I dig my nails in, anchoring myself to him. Adam says my name again, groaning when my feet brush his calves, and I close my eyes.
He is warm, heavy on top of me and I want nothing more.
I vow to fix this. I vow to erase every single mark on him. To take Marcus out if it's the last thing I do, and to make sure that no one ever comes close to hurting Adam ever again. Even though what had happened was unlikely to occur ever again, I wouldn't let anyone dare make him feel like any of this was his fault. I wouldn't let anyone touch a single hair on his head, and I'd do whatever it took –even resorting to unfair, drastic measures involving my family –to make sure he was safe.
"I love you, Eva."
I'm brought back down to Earth by the feeling of him kissing my cheek, the action messy and frantic, and I smile widely, then even wider when everything starts to feel really good. I can barely focus on anything but him and me, together again.
I know he'll stay.
In the morning, we will wake up, and I'll make him something for breakfast. I'll call my mom and tell her I need different shampoo, giving her something to do other than sit around and worry with Tris. I'll have Tris meet us for lunch. I'll figure out what Adam and I are supposed to do next, and I'll delete the message from Arlene, reminding me that at some point, I needed to see her again. I'd call my dad, asking if he wants to come over for dinner, and I'd call Rachel and Pink, and ask if they want to come, too.
I'll also give Adam the key, the one from the envelope I'd pulled out before getting in the bath, that unlocks this very apartment.
The one with his name on it.
