XXVIII: Desperate Instincts

After a quick shower, they went to bed. Severus had, once again, fallen asleep on Harry's chest, yet hours later at dawn Harry woke to an empty, cold bed. He fished around on the nightstand for his glasses, then put them on and looked around. Embers still glowed in the fireplace, but other than that the room was dark. There was no sign of Severus.

Harry pushed off the covers and as he put his feet on the ground and stood up, he became aware of the dark figure outside on the balcony. He walked there and opened the door. Even though it was March, the weather was still freezing cold and the wind that blew up here wasn't any gentler.

Snape stood out there leaning against the marble railing wearing nothing but his comfy, old pants he pulled on before climbing to bed. The pyjama shirt, much to Harry's pleasure, was left off tonight, though as he watched the half-naked man now standing outside in the cold, he wished that wasn't the case.

"Come back to bed," Harry said softly from the door. "You're going to catch a cold."

Severus didn't move, and didn't say a word either so Harry stepped out onto the balcony. He wrapped his arms around his body against the cold and walked up to the man.

"What's wrong?" He asked fighting the chill that slithered further and further down inside him. He had a bad feeling about this.

Snape still remained silent. The cold air ate at the marrow of Harry's bones suddenly. He wanted to reach out and touch the man, but he was also afraid. He leaned on the railing as well, and the cold stone all but burned his skin.

They stood there in the chilly weather, bare-footed and shivering. Harry didn't cast a warming charm, not quiet understanding why, but a part of him was certain he had to endure the cold. Perhaps then, he would appreciate the warmth even more.

The dawn was already beautiful. Only a slight line of brightness hinted at its arrival yet. The sky was still dark, littered with glimmering stars, but at the edge, over faraway mountains and beneath black clouds a slit, yellow and orange tinted the vast canvas of nature.

"Have you ever longed to touch the stars?" Severus asked in a coarse voice.

Harry shook his head, only a slight motion. "Never thought of it."

"That was the reason I wanted to fly. I wanted to soar high enough to touch the stars, to sail among them, to bath in their light. Touching you is probably the closest I will ever get to that." Black eyes slowly moved over to Harry and watched him for a long moment before Severus continued. "But you cannot be too close to a star, or it will consume you."

The chill in Harry's bones had nothing to do with the air now. "What are you saying, Severus?" He pushed himself away from the railing. He didn't like at all the direction this conversation was going.

Snape moved after him, but instead of reassuring, he seemed all but threatening. He gripped Harry's wrist and started backing him against the glass door.

"What would you say if I sent you away? If I told you never to come back? What would you do if I said, this ends now, before the sun climbs over the horizon?" He hissed darkly.

"Are you?" Harry asked suddenly shuddering. "Are you saying that?"

Severus' face was shadowed by his long hair and Harry couldn't read it at all. All he had was his voice and that was cold like the wind around them.

"What would you do if I said I do not want you here anymore? If I said I just used you?"

Harry flinched. "I'd probably hit you," he murmured. "But I know you didn't. You didn't." he said reaffirming. Which one of them needed convincing, he wasn't entirely sure.

Snape towered over him. He wasn't that much taller anymore, yet he still had that effect on Harry, whenever he pulled his shoulders back and straightened himself. He looked down on Harry, black eyes glinting in a dangerous sort of way.

Harry's back hit the glass door. There was nowhere to go.

"Stop this, Severus," he warned. "What is this about?"

"I don't need you anymore." Snape hissed.

Harry's eyes widened, the shock left him breathless. The words hurt, the cruel voice was a lot more painful though.

He tried to push Snape away, his hands smacked against the slim, naked chest as he cried angrily, "No, that's a lie! Why would you say that?"

Severus just stepped closer pressed against Harry as his palm smashed against the glass of the door hard enough to shatter it. It didn't break completely, but cracks like spiderwebs ran through it starting from the point of contact and fanning out from there.

"You're going to hurt me anyway, why not get over it already?" Severus grunted harshly.

A low growl broke out of Harry. He shoved Snape away then grabbed him and threw him against the door, further extending the webbing on the glass. Severus' body knocked hard against it and he groaned.

"Yes, hit me!"

Fuming, Harry pushed him again, hard enough that Severus winced. It still wasn't enough.

"Hit me, Potter, bruise me!" Snape demanded. "Make me ache!"

Harry's hands went to shove him again, but instead of his chest, they went to Severus' neck and shoulder; instead of pushing he pulled, then kissed hard, bit viciously. Snape clawed at his sides as he pulled him closer, crashing their bodies together. Harry didn't understand what was happening, but he knew this was what Snape wanted to achieve.

He bit down on the long neck and Snape cried out. "Yes, yes. Devour me."

His touches were so savage, they burnt Harry's skin, but he barely felt it. Ruthless he kissed; he kissed Snape long enough that they could not breathe and even when he was pushed, he held on, bit only harder, never pulled back. They mauled at each other like wild animals fighting for survival.

"Fuck yes…" Snape growled in a low voice when Harry dragged his teeth up on his throat. "Wound me…"

"Bloody hell, Snape," Harry grunted and smashed his body against the professor's. His aching hardness pressed against the man's erection and they both cried out. Hands tore at his hair and Harry grabbed Snape by the wrist and opened the door. He dragged him inside. It took no more than three large steps and they crossed the room, then Harry threw Snape onto the bed.

Harry didn't think much, he just acted, followed his urges, followed what his body demanded of him, what Snape seemed to have demanded of both of them. He leaped after Severus, his fingers fisted in long black hair and jerked the man up before he could fully roll onto his stomach. He kissed him hard, thrust his tongue in the hot mouth, lapped around harshly.

"Take me," Snape demanded. "Consume me. Ignite me."

"Severus…" Harry whispered against his lip. He hesitated for only a second, but Snape would have none of it.

"I won't ask twice." Snape growled. Harry pushed him down the bed, pulled his head to the side by his long hair to expose his neck. He bit down at the hairline, sinking his teeth into soft flesh. He wished he had fangs with what he could pierce the skin, leave a mark there that would last forever.

"You're mine," he hissed darkly against Snape's ear. "No matter how much you fight it."

Snape pushed up, tossing his head left to right, long hair slapping Harry's face. He was trying to throw him off, but Harry just nailed him to the bed. He had summoned the little vial of oil Snape had used last night and dipped two of his fingers in it.

He didn't mess around, this wasn't the time for pleasantries anyway. Snape wasn't lying on his stomach with his hand clenched around Harry's wrist to ask for tenderness, he almost broke bones with his firm grip.

Harry dragged down the grey pants, just enough, just beneath the nice curve of that lovely ass and his finger was already at Snape's entrance. He didn't kiss him, didn't divert his attention either, he only pressed his mouth against Snape's nape. His finger slipped in easily and Severus cried out.

"Yes," he grunted, frantically gripping Harry.

Harry moved his hand, it felt so hot; the body beneath his thrashed, Severus panted and growled. It really did feel like a fight of wild animals, Snape like a panther, like a lion clawed, squirmed, fought against it, yet clearly this was what he wanted.

A second finger entered Snape and his back arched. Harry pushed his legs wider apart, pressed his fingers deeper inside. Slickly they slid in and out of the hot body and Harry's cock twitched knowing in a couple more minutes he would be buried in there.

They kissed again, but it could barely be called that. They just bit at each other's lips, throat. Vivid marks marred the white skin on Severus' shoulders, the imprint of Harry's teeth as well as angry red spots where he had sucked on the skin.

"Potter," Snape snarled wildly when Harry had taken too much time, his tone an urging order.

Dawn broke, the sun came up, tumbled over the mountains, lazily but even more brightly. Harry pulled away, slicked himself with a couple strokes to his cock as he poured more oil over Severus' cleft. He was not willing to make this any more painful that it needed to be. Why it needed to be painful, he only guessed. A sixth sense tuned to Snape's mind whispered that some needs were indeed aching, and touching a star couldn't be less than a bright ignition. An act like that was not a slow burn, it was instant and sudden. It was not flames eating the body away, but just a harsh and thunderous explosion.

"Oh fuck," Severus cried out, when Harry thrust in hard, almost cruel to his own senses, but before he could slow down, before he could even still his motions and reconsider, Snape growled, "I want the pain."

Harry let himself fall on the older wizard, covered him up all the way with his own body. He slid in with wild deep prods and he could hear Snape's winded grunts, how he breathed shallowly through his nose every time Harry shoved into him.

They were so close, and it could be so intimate but instead it was wild and desperate and electrifying, just like Snape' magic used to be and suddenly he realized that was exactly what was going on. Only instead of magic it was their bodies now that were uncontrolled and his hand went around Snape's throat, and he could hear a breathless hitch, almost a sob, then they were kissing again.

"Hurt me. Hate me," Snape pleaded against his lips and his sore voice broke Harry's heart. It was like an open wound, raw and painful, and really no wonder, Harry had torn down the walls around him, ripped them to pieces. Those walls had protected him, but now he was bare, naked, sensitive and frightened and Harry pulled his arms more firmly around him, embraced him from behind while he moved inside him, deep thrusts into tight heat.

Severus sobbed, whined, pushed back holding on to Harry, knuckles white. He was in great pain, Harry could see but it was not physical and there was not much he could do to alleviate it. This was a battle Snape had to fight with himself.

"Love me," Severus whispered, and Harry's heart missed a beat. "Tell me you love me even if it's a lie. Tell me you won't leave when summer comes. Tell me you'll stay with me. Lie to me. I want your lies. I want your body. I want your heart."

Harry made a silent promise to himself, never ever to let Severus rebuild his walls because it was torture even to see it collapse, watch it fall apart, bricks crumbling, falling into a dark abyss. He couldn't even image what it might feel like to live through it.

His movement slowed slightly as he spoke, his hips were rolling gently, he was grinding more than thrusting.

"I can give you many things, Severus, but not lies. I won't lie to you. I won't." Harry told him, his voice a soft whisper. Snape stilled completely underneath him. He kissed the man's shoulder then affectionately went on. "So, understand how truly I mean it when I say, I love you."

Snape exhaled, shuddering.

"I love you," Harry murmured right against his ear and Snape let out a small whimper. "I won't leave when summer comes. I'll stay with you. I love you."

Snape buried his head in the pillow, breathing hitched and Harry started thrusting inside him again to help him cover up the shudders that shook the chest beneath him. He didn't want to mention it, pretended he didn't even notice it, just like Snape had on that dawn all those month ago, when they had stood on top of the hill near Dumbledore's grave.

His fingers slid into Severus' hair on the top of his head and Snape turned towards him slowly. His breathing had changed too, and Harry dared push into him faster now, shoved his cock deep inside that hot body. Every thrust pulled a keen cry from Snape and Harry slammed against him, hammering away the last bricks of that once great wall.

"Turn around," he asked softly, and Snape nodded weakly.

Harry pulled out and lifted his body high enough to let the man roll onto his back, then dragged the pants off him and discarded them somewhere behind him. He lifted Snape's legs up, all but folded him as he sunk back in with one smooth thrust. Black eyes rolled back and Harry smiled, kissing the man slowly.

"You still want it hard?" He whispered against swollen lips and Snape grunted needy.

Black eyes closed and Harry kissed the corner of it, tasting something salty.

As asked, Harry consumed the man beneath him, made him burn alive with sheer pleasure. He fucked him hard enough that his body bounced back from the bed, that the loud, keen noises he made could be heard probably all across the castle.

It was wild enough to hurt, but sweet enough so they would forget the pain. Severus seemed to have been lost in his own world, eyes closed he concentrated on the pleasure, on the sensation of Harry sliding in and out of him with rough thrusts, crying out whenever Harry happened to hit that sweet spot. He gripped Harry's arse and thigh, trying to urge him on.

"Harder…" he snarled, voice vicious, body bent in half. "Fucking hell, Harry, harder!"

Harry pounded in him, almost coming, almost there, but still holding on, hanging there on a single thread. His mind was lost, body numb and hypersensitive all at the same time. He wasn't aware of anything around them, barely even understood that they were in a room, not high up among glimmering stars.

"Oh yes… fuck yes… please…"

"God Severus…" Harry whined, cock buried balls deep in the man he loved – the sensation not just simply maddening but sheer ecstasy. He was hungry for more, burning up too, desire ate away his bones, yet he kept thrusting rough and deep.

Severus tipped over finally, came between their bodies, untouched. Black eyes shut tight, he screamed silently, and Harry let go as well and they fell together to bright bliss. Harry couldn't move, he crushed down on Severus who held him with firm arms, panting breathless next to Harry's ear.

Sweaty and spent, they just lay on each other. Fingers, like feathers drifted up and down slowly on Harry's spine, gently caressing him. He didn't care that Severus' come slowly dried against his skin, he didn't care about anything, at all. It was Sunday dawn and he was in love and the world could not be more perfect.

"People say love is beautiful," Severus whispered with a coarse voice, "but then why do I feel so terrified? My instincts scream at me to withdraw and hide, to run and protect myself."

Harry did not look up, just stroked Severus' head tenderly.

"I won't leave," he assured him again. "Do you not trust me?"

"I do." Snape hesitated, then said, "I try to do."

Harry did not mind the doubt, he all but expected it, after all Snape had not have a bright past, love so far, as Harry knew, was as much of a foreign concept to him as a carefree life. It must be hard, he suspected, to give trust so freely, to hope for the best when common sense dictated that failure must come.

"It's all right, just give me time to prove myself. I'll stay, I promise."

"Harry…" He murmured in a broken tone and finally Harry looked him in the eyes.

"Fuck, Severus..." Harry grunted, his gaze shifting from one obsidian orb to the other. "I love you. I love you so much. I just wish you could see it too."

He could see that little boy in those endless, burning black eyes. He was the one who kept Severus blind and mistrustful, after all those years of neglect it was no surprise, really, that he needed to be protected from pain. But the walls were down, and the little boy had nowhere else to hide.

He shifted, pulled out, swallowed Severus' keen gasp with a kiss. He got off the bed, went to the bathroom and rummaged around for a bit until he found some Healing salve, then wetted a cloth to wipe himself clean.

He came out of the bathroom to find Severus half asleep on the bed. His stark-naked body in the dim light of the dawn was beautiful. His tousled hair, like Medusa's snakes slithered around his head and on the pillow, some even slipped over his face. He seemed so relaxed, tranquil, almost dazed.

Harry was nearly sad to see his eyes open when he returned to the bed and sat down. He wiped the man's belly clean with the towel, then dropped it on the floor. He caressed one of Severus' long thighs as he said softly, "Open your legs."

He could see the hairs stand on end on Snape's arms and legs. "I'm fine," he mumbled almost silently.

"It wasn't a request," Harry stated firmly in a dark voice.

Snape covered his face with his forearms but tucked up his legs then slowly pulled them apart.

Harry raised an eyebrow at the display, almost smirking how Snape went from lustful whore to blushing virgin within ten minutes, but he kept his amusement to himself. Lust and sex were one thing, intimacy was another and clearly, Snape didn't allow many people what he had allowed Harry this morning.

Harry lay between his legs and uncorked the salve. He licked at Severus' hole and the man's head lifted. Harry could see the red flush across his sharp cheeks as he watched Harry surprised.

"All those dirty things you told me, and this is what makes you blush?" Harry asked with a teasing smile as he pressed his tongue deeper inside Severus.

"That's your come that you're licking like it's ice cream."

"No, it's your arse that I'm licking like it's ice cream. The rest is… just the cherry on top."

"Potter," Severus grunted, head falling back. "You have no right to be this…"

"Indecent?" Harry finished helpful. "All I know I learned from you, Severus. You can only blame yourself."

"What have I created…?"

Harry licked him clean before he would gather some balm on the tip of his finger and gently swipe it over angry, red, bruised skin. Severus sighed deeply, fidgeting on the bed, but Harry just kissed his leg as his finger drifted tenderly over the puckered rim.

"Don't get used to it," Snape growled from somewhere above and this time, Harry did let out a slight huff.

"I was under the impression you enjoyed it." Harry teased darkly, finger circling Snape's opening then the next moment slipping inside him smoothly.

Severus moaned harshly, one hand grasping the sheet, the other covering his face – and his flushed cheeks no doubt.

"Still, don't get used to it," he huffed.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked innocently, pulling his finger out just to press it back in with a teasingly slow motion that made Snape grunt almost desperate again. "Not even on my birthday?"

"Maybe on your birthday," Snape hissed, then after a couple more wriggling thrust later, he sighed, "and at Christmas."

"And at Easter?" Harry asked smiling.

"And on my birthday."

"And at New Year's Eve?"

"Maybe every second month…"

"Maybe once every month?"

"Maybe twice?" Severus moaned when Harry pulled out his finger with a satisfied grin. He placed one more kiss on Snape's leg then shifted further up on the bed, lying next to him.

"I love you," he said again, when glinting black eyes looked at him.

Severus smiled. "You were always famous for your terrible ideas," he noted.

"Don't I know that..." Harry sighed as he nestled against the man's side. Severus folded his arms around him and pulled him closer as the blanket wrapped around them.