Chapter Thirty - Three

Etiam Santo vulnere cicatrix Manet - 'Though the wound is healed, a scar remains '

March 13th 1989

16.00pm

Elizabeth was walking towards her home after she had just completed an exam. She wrapped her coat around her body tighter as the clouds above her began rolling in and daylight faded as another storm came rolling in. The humidity began to press down; suffocating. The scent of rain was dark and heavy. A stillness fell over the street as a low crackle of thunder rolled across the rooftops, then came the pattering of tiny raindrops. Elizabeth groaned in frustration as she flipped her hood up, put her head down and walked in the rain. She quickened her pace knowing they were due another heavy downpour, Elizabeth groaned as she collided into some.

'Im so sorry…' she held up her hands looking up..'Henry' Her apologetic smile dropped as she looked at the person before her. For a moment it felt like everything around her stopped, even the wind held its breath. His face was illuminated as a streak of hot silver splits the sky; and the downpour began. The rain thrashed down upon them soaking them through. Elizabeths eyes scanned him, she was drowning in words and emotions but nothing came out.

'I was waiting for you, then it started raining I was going to take shelter' he shouted above the roar of the rain. She groaned inwardly

'Come on, get inside' she shook her head in annoyance as she ran towards her front door leaving it open for Henry to follow inside. He lingered by the front door after he closed it. He noticed the spare key still set on the side two days after he left it there. He stood awkwardly as he watched Elizabeth root around her home.

Elizabeth walked in and took her wet coat and jumper off immediately, she was soaked through. She slipped her shoes and socks off before going to put the heating on. She glanced over her shoulder and looked at Henry, her heart screamed for him, but it also screamed at him. She went into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on. She closed her eyes as she rested her hands on the counter. She had been desperate to see him for two days; she had prayed that he would turn up soon and fight for her, but now he was here she just wanted him to leave, her heart couldn't handle the pain, it was soul destroying seeing him.

She walked back into the hall and smiled softly at him

'The heating is on, I'll grab you some dry clothes' she still cared for him, still loved him despite the hurt and the lies, she couldn't switch her feeling off no matter how much she tried. Henry smiled back at her and watched as she walked off towards her bedroom. He waited for her to return, he had never imagined he would feel so out of place in her home, like an ornament that didn't belong there.

'Here you go, these are yours anyway, go and get changed, I can put your wet clothes on the radiator for you, try and get them a little dry before you leave' she felt a prang though her heart as she thought of him leaving, but she knew he couldn't stay, not now, not anymore.

'Thank you' his words bounced around her ears, the soft soothing tone she had missed. She nodded and walked away, she couldn't allow herself to get consumed by him, she just couldn't. She took herself to her bedroom as Henry shut the bathroom door and she got changed herself. She looked at herself in the mirror, her appearance was faded, her skin was pale, her eyes almost puffy and bloodshot from the crying and lack of sleep over the last forty-eight hours. She inhaled through her nose deeply 'you can do this' she whispered to her self before walking back into the kitchen and making them both a drink.

Henry came out of her bathroom moments later and hovered behind her; she felt his presence, she would recognise the sensation of Henry stood behind her looking at her anytime, it warmed her soul, sent tingles down her spine, a sensation that she had never felt with anyone other than the man she loved. She turned around smiling, forgetting for a moment everything between them.

'I'll lay them out for you' she held out her hand and Henry walked closer to her handing her his wet clothes. They were within touching distance; Henry noticed the withered look to her face, he closed his eyes as the reality of his actions set in.

'Im so sorry' he whispered, the words so quiet the storm almost drown them out. Elizabeth just looked up at him, her lost soul shining through her eyes as she desperately searching him for an answer. Henry stepped closer again, inches apart from her. He felt her breathing change as the gap between them became less. She looked down and away from him, but he gently placed a hand on her chin and lifted her head, his sad eyes gazing into hers.

'So Sorry' he echoed. She closed her eyes as he spoke, his words hurting her heart.

'I'll get these dried then you can be on your way' she cleared her throat and stepped aside, away from his enclosure. She placed his clothes out to dry and turned the heating up a little higher, she needed him too leave; she couldn't do this.

'Can we talk?' He asked. She turned to look at him, her facial expression stern

'Yeah, let's start with why you lied to me for five months, or how you left the spare key here, or how I haven't heard from you for two whole days, despite the fact you're the one who owes me the explanation. Or shall we start with the fact all your ROTC friends knew about your deployment, or that maureen knew and I didn't. Or shall we start back at the very beginning when we were bowling and you first started this lie?' She gritted her teeth as she hissed her remarks

'I thought I was doing the right thing Elizabeth I really did, I was trying to protect you, I realise how wrong I was now, and I am so sorry. I will do anything and everything to show you. I can't and don't want to live my life without you Elizabeth' his voice strained as he battled his emotions

'You told me you loved me, and when you did you were lying to me about all of this; how can you say you love someone when your whole relationship is built on a lie'

'It wasn't Elizabeth, everything else was the truth, it was all genuine and real I promise'

'Really Henry? Because just last month I asked you to be open and honest and you promised me you would, then you went another few weeks lying to me. How can I trust anything you've said' she shook her head as her eyes closed for a moment; her way of trying to block the pain.

Henry stood in silence, he didn't know what to say or do. He just wanted to show her how sorry he was and for all of this to be forgotten. He couldn't understand how they'd gone from being so wrapped up in one another, so in love and happy to this…everything was broken, and he knew deep inside it was beyond repair.

'Eliza-'

'You hurt me Henry' her voice croaked

'I know' he whispered back almost instantly

'I've done nothing but wish I walked away when I bumped into you all those months ago' she inhaled as her chest Began to shake, the upset rising in her throat

'Don't say that, please don't'

'I feel so betrayed' her voice barely a whisper as her eyes glistened

'we can fix this' he almost pleaded but he watched as she shook her head

'I don't think we can, I don't trust you Henry'

'No, Elizabeth we can, ok. We can. Trust can be rebuilt' he walked closer and took her hands in his. Coldness; the connection was missing. She looked down at his hands wrapped around hers. Her tears dripped from her face down to the floor.

'I had so many things I wanted to do with you Henry, so many things I wanted to say; goodbye wasn't one of them' she whimpered.

'Elizabeth, let's not make any rash decisions, please baby, please' he cupped her face in his hands, she tilted her head into his palm as her tears fell down her face, the saltiness teasing her lips as she pushed them together.

'I can't Henry. We're over' she dropped her hands from his. She bit the inside of her cheek hard trying not to break before him. She watched as his eyes filled with tears, his mouth agape but no words could fathom how he was feeling.

'The loss of you will be immeasurable, but so was the love you did show me, but so is the hurt of your lies Henry' her breathing shook as her voice gave into the devastation.

'I can't take no for an answer Elizabeth, I love you so much, I need you' he cried

'Oh baby I love you too, but…'

'Don't finish that sentence please' he begged her. He kissed her forehead and lingered close to her for a moment before grabbing his things and walking towards her font door. He looked back into the kitchen and sobbed as he watched her shake with silent tears. He managed to pull himself to look away and leave, he savoured every moment of that kiss, and the words 'oh baby I love you too' because he knew that was going to be the last Time he'd hear them from her.

As the front door closed and Elizabeth allowed Henry to walk away from her once more she let her sobs echo through the house. The heart wrenching pain tore through her as she instantly regretted her decision. She grabbed the table behind her and steadied herself as she began to hyperventilate. Her tears falling like the rain and her sobs mimicked the thunder, because even the sky needed to scream sometimes. But that is the beautiful thing about storms, they leave everything standing strong, the upward branches and the roots that kept up right. It has the ability to wash everything away and show us what was rotten, where repairs were needed, and once the storm had been weathered and passed; magnificent transformations can take place.