Note: I'm so sorry for the length of time between updates. There's a reason for that, but it'll wait till the end because I don't want to spoil the chapter. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, favorite, follow or review!
Clear his head. Think.
Both of these are things Edward Elric intends to do.
He can't rid himself of that unclean feeling of being violated and he knows he won't accomplish anything productive while he's in that frame of mind.
Was telling Noah she could stay too lenient? His mouth curls downward in a frown. She has nowhere else to go. If he threw her out, would she be able to find food, someplace warm to stay?
Yes, it's currently not that cold here in Resembool and it won't be for a while to come, but that will change when the winter months hit.
Winter will be hell for Noah when it comes around unless she's found a better situation. It doesn't sit right with Ed to just… leave her like that.
But, at the same time, he doesn't want someone around who he can't trust.
There's time, Ed tells himself, but time for what? Finding something like a steady job and a permanent place to stay are already hard enough. It's made all that much harder when you're not even from the area. Not even from this world.
The Cutlers have been gracious, but they have children. They can't afford to pay a salary someone can live on.
Maybe there's a place in the city, he thinks. Central is sure to have jobs. Maybe if he spoke to Mustang…
Ed hasn't spoken to Mustang in so long.
Thinking of that makes something in his chest hurt for reasons unknown and Ed doesn't really want to delve into what those reasons might be.
Mustang knows he's back- he knew a long time ago, back when Ed was still adjusting to being back in Amestris. To being back home.
As much as Ed had hated the man needing to keep tabs on him (even if he thinks Mustang must have hated it with a similar level of ferocity), the Colonel has also done too much for him and his brother for him to let him go on thinking he was dead.
If there was a reason for that beyond acting out of a simple sense of responsibility, Ed doesn't think about that either.
It was more a courtesy call than anything else.
He doesn't take it personally that the man didn't drive out all the way just to see him.
The Colonel (no, not the Colonel anymore- he's been promoted- but then, he'll always be the Colonel to Ed) has a new rank, new responsibilities. The rebuilding of Ishval is still ongoing.
Ed can't expect the Colonel to pull himself away from all of that. It wouldn't be fair.
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.
Still, maybe it would be nice to get more than just a good to have you back, Fullmetal.
Ed forcibly turns his thoughts away.
Reminiscing about Mustang is only going to be a waste of time right now. He has other things to worry about.
Things like Noah...
This is the second time she's betrayed him and now he finds himself wondering if he's been far too lenient.
Someone like that, someone who thinks she can just poke around in his head- he doesn't want someone like that around.
What was she looking for?
The look on her face- the more Ed thought about it, the more it was clear that there was something in particular she was searching for.
Again, Ed tries to shift through his memories. His forehead creases in concentration. Again, his attempt is useless.
It doesn't feel right.
Shouldn't there be something- some feeling, some taint- left behind to tell him what part of his mind has been tampered with? What memories have been stained by another's invading touch?
But of course the world doesn't work that way.
At first, it hadn't registered with him what she was trying to do. He hasn't trusted her. He tried- he tried to be understanding.
At Winry's behest, he had come to meet her at the Cutlers.'
Because Winry had sensed that something was wrong, even if she didn't know what.
Ed knows he could have told her, that he can tell her, and Winry will understand.
But he doesn't.
Because everytime he thinks about it, everytime he thinks about telling her what happened in that world over the past two years, his stomach clenches and the bile rises in his throat and he puts off telling her for another day.
He's still pretending that that day will come.
Ed had been willing to wait for her, but he had also been wary. After everything though, he hadn't thought Noah would be so brazen.
He stops walking and lets his eyes drink in the horizon. He feels tired, drained. If he hadn't been sure that Noah's power didn't entail anything like that, he would wonder if he should blame her for that too, but he doesn't think it's her fault at all.
The sunset reaches out, coloring the sky in hues of pink and yellow. It's so much bigger than he is, so much bigger than all of them.
Ed thinks that, if he really tried, he could get lost in that sunset.
A sick feeling is rising in the pit of Noah's stomach as she slowly picks her way along the road. She doesn't know how long she stood there, how long it took for her legs to finally start moving.
Long enough for Edward to make it home? Maybe.
Regardless, she knows he's going to beat her there, so why does it matter?
Why should she care?
It's not like she's ever cared for Winry.
Alphonse. Mei.
She hardly even knows them. No. That isn't true. She doesn't know them at all.
What does it matter, what Ed tells them?
On trembling and heavy legs, she starts the trek home alone.
Home.
It really was a home, wasn't it?
The closest thing she felt she could have had to one.
Or it had been.
Would it still be?
The sense of not-knowing terrifies her. The thought of losing Ed terrifies her.
But there might not be anything she can do to stop it.
Mei pulls Alphonse aside when she doesn't feel she can wait any longer.
Winry is with an automail client. They won't be missed.
Not that Winry would mind them pulling away for a moment to themselves, but Mei feels the less questions asked, the better.
At least for now.
Before, it hadn't felt right to share what she had felt about the young woman Ed had taken in, but she's tired of puzzling it out on her own. She's tired of the sick feeling of dread churning in the pit of her stomach and the only person she knows who can help her sort it out is Alphonse.
Alphonse doesn't miss that something is bothering her. He hasn't missed it since it started, she knows, but he's refrained from questioning her until she was ready to tell him.
He catches her elbow gently. His touch at once reassures her and reignites her unease.
"What's wrong?" he asks her, concerned. "You look shaken."
Mei opens her mouth to answer him and then realizes she has no idea how to explain what she's about to say.
She's never felt anything like it before. It's not like the Homunculi. It's not evil.
It's just… wrong. Broken. Wrong in a way that can't be helped.
"It's Noah," Mei confesses. "Something isn't right about her."
A little furrow of confusion forms between Alphonse's brows. "What do you mean?"
"Her chi…" Mei struggles to find a way to explain it, to find words that will paint the fractured picture she has in her mind.
Now that she's speaking out loud, she's less confident in her decision to share this information. Privacy is a foreign concept in Xing where everybody knew everybody else's business. But Amestris was different. This was different.
"There's something different- something wrong…"
"Is it…?" Alphonse grimaces, but Mei knows what he's about to say and shakes her head.
"It's not like the Homunculi and it's not like… it's not like him either."
Alphonse grimaces just a little and Mei doesn't miss it.
The traumatic event is two years in the past and sometimes it still feels like it just happened.
"It's," she latches onto the first analogy that makes sense, "festering." That still doesn't sound right. "Rotting." Like a bruised fruit. The blemish is internal and you never know until you've taken a bite… or cut it open. What Mei has done isn't the equivalent to either one of those things… exactly. "I've… never felt anything like it before."
"What are you saying?"
His fingers tighten their grip without being painful.
"Ed said he was on the other side of the Gate, right? And she came with him?" Mei hurries on. "What if it has to do with crossing over?"
Alphonse pales. "Ed…"
"I don't get that feeling from Ed at all," she reassures him. And it is a relief, of course, but it quickly points out the flaw in her theory. "Which doesn't make sense if they both crossed over the Gate then, does it?"
"But Ed's from this world. Noah isn't. Could that be why?" He thinks it over. "But Ed was also in her world. For two years. Wouldn't there be some sort of… residual effect from that time? It wouldn't just magically erase itself, would it?"
He's right.
It's part of what is making this situation so confusing. Nothing about it makes any sense to her.
"So what do we do?" Alphonse asks. He takes both her hands in his, eyes searching her face carefully.
Do we take this to Edward? is what he's asking her without words.
It goes without saying that they will want to bring this up with Edward at some point, but she recognizes that he's respecting her own judgement.
He's asking her what she wants to do, what she thinks the situation calls for. She wouldn't have brought this to his attention if she wasn't troubled, but he's still waiting for her call.
He trusts her and that means the world.
Mei gives his hands a squeeze in a show of gratitude.
"I think… maybe we should talk to Ed."
Note: So a big chunk of why this chapter is late is because of this last section with Mei and Alphonse. I know exactly what's going on with Noah and, while Mei and Alphonse currently have no idea what the issue is, Mei is coming close. However, finding the words for this conversation was harder than it should have been and I'm still not 100% certain that I'm satisfied with it.
The other thing is the last part of Mei and Al's conversation. I struggled with that because I wasn't sure it was entirely in character for Alphonse to wait for Mei's input about going to Edward. I wanted to show that Alphonse has changed over the past two years but I wasn't sure that that was the right way to go about it. Again, however, after two years of forced independence from Ed, he and Mei have become a lot closer.
I'm interested to hear what you think!
