Ruby stays only the night in the tribe's camp.
When she sets off the next morning, the dog– her nameless dog, keeps following her no matter how many times she tells him to stay.
She doesn't know how long she will be gone, or where this journey might lead her, it would be better if he just stays put.
He's stubborn, he follows. She sighs.
Then they are heading first to Kuchinashi.
She has no idea where to go once she gets there, but she knows that Oscar and the rest of them have been staying somewhere in the city.
She wanders aimlessly, keeping a sharp eye on everything.
She feels wrong, too exposed, not having her mask on while she walks around such a populated area.
She can't wear it though, it will attract too much attention.
She's become something more recognizable with the mask than without it.
Still she's cautious, the people she's on the lookout for are perhaps the only ones who would recognize her but she doesn't want to be seen by them.
She is trying to find Oscar. She's not ready for everyone else to know she's still alive and might never be truly ready for it.
They can't know about her right now, she'll let them know once she's back with the tribe. Maybe. Or, well, Oscar might just tell them for her at that point.
Hours are spent, weaving through the outer edges with all it's street vendors and bustling foot traffic.
As she gets farther into the city, she notices someone following her, staying in the shadows almost more effectively than she is.
A grimy little kid, a pickpocket who's eyeing her up as a target.
If they picked anyone else, they would be doing an excellent job and probably would have succeeded by now.
She doesn't carry much money on her, rarely ever needs it.
She can practically hear Raven's scolding in her mind as she digs through her bag for a few lien, telling her not to take pity or give this child an easy time. She ignores those lessons, for just this once, and holds the money out to the kid, who looks both shocked at being noticed, and suspicious of her generosity.
A hand darts out and grabs what she offers, and the child is nowhere in sight soon after. Children in the city have a much better chance of survival than the ones outside. She's seen too many young ones fall ill or get injured, and die, there is nothing in the world she could do to apologize for the ones she couldn't help.
This moment of pause, and lack of attention to the surrounding crowd has led her to either the worst, or the best luck, she's not sure which yet.
As when she looks up she sees two familiar figures, only one of which has seen her.
Jaune and Ren are off in the distance, both different as time tends to make a person, but distinctly recognizable still.
Jaune saw her, he's staring and pale and she runs and dives into a sea of people in an instant. She loses not only them, but also the dog in the crowd.
She's less worried about losing the dog, he has a skill for finding his way back from anywhere. She's more worried about losing sight of perhaps her only chance to find where the group is staying.
As much as instinct tells her to run, she resists it to go back, much more careful to stay hidden this time. The two are still standing where they had been, now with Ren seemingly trying to guide Jaune away from there, and Jaune looking somehow even paler and definitely not okay.
It takes Ruby a while to connect that back to herself.
Without frequent reminders, she easily forgets she's real in any meaningful way.
Jaune had seen her, and in his mind he quite literally saw a ghost.
It takes her even longer, standing there watching, to connect why that would be so upsetting to him. She knows about losing a friend, knows she should know the feeling, remember the feeling, but it's distant, just out of reach.
On a logical level she can get it, but her mind or her body won't allow her to remember how it feels.
She wants to feel it. For once she wants to feel, because if she could remember the feeling she could muster up the ability to feel some amount of guilt for seeing Ren comfort a panicked Jaune. Guilt might be punishment enough, but she doesn't feel that, she doesn't feel anything, justifies it even: the only thing she ever stole away from them was her presence. She owed them nothing for that.
She waits, and watches, and waits some more until they finally move, then she follows.
They lead her exactly where she'd been hoping they would. An old brick house, in the residential district, where they clearly all were lodging.
It stays a waiting game, to map out when people come and go, and figure out where each person's room is.
The dog finds her again, trotting right up to where she's hiding and happily sitting next to her. For the first time in four years she sees her teammates and friends, all at a far distance but she still sees them.
From the glimpses she gets they seem to be doing fine, happy even, in moments.
If she could be anything right now, she thinks she would be glad, she never did want them to suffer for her absence after all.
When finally she spots Oscar as he's headed inside, she grows impatient but forces herself to stay in hiding.
The dog, however, doesn't seem so inclined to stay back when he spots someone he likes and recognizes. She tries- and fails to stop him, left sinking even deeper into hiding, swearing under her breath.
Oscar recognizes the dog, bounding over to him, tail wagging. He's confused, frowning, but automatically pets him even while giving a sweeping look around. "Are you here by yourself?" He asks, getting only a wet tongue licking his hand in reply. "Okay… don't know if that's a no or a yes, so I guess I'll take that as a yes?" He opens the door and the dog doesn't follow but doesn't leave either, just sits on the porch like it's taken up guard there.
The wait was still not over, now there's the wait until Oscar leaves the house again, because going inside is too big of a risk.
She hunkers down.
It's much warmer in the city than in the wilds, the cracked concrete seems to hold heat.
It's warmer but the air feels thick and hard to breathe, filled with too many overwhelming and unpleasant scents. Too many noises too, and people.
Crowds made her anxious, more anxious than they used to. If she hadn't had a goal in mind earlier, it would have been much harder to suppress the urge to attack anyone who accidentally bumped into or brushed against her.
People come and go from the house.
Blake startles at the dog still standing guard, who doesn't move an inch at the hissing yelp she makes.
Oscar leaves again and Ruby pulls herself to her feet, wincing at how stiff her legs had gotten while sitting there. She follows him a ways, making sure no one else they knew was around, and they weren't, save for the canine who was much more obviously following Oscar. On a quieter street, she lets herself be seen.
His step stutters, then stops, he doesn't make much of an expression either, guarded.
He looks down at the dog, "Guess you're not here alone after all."
Then back up at Ruby. "And I guess Jaune wasn't hallucinating this time. Thought that might be the case, what he described, that sounded like you. I wanted to tell him that but…well, I don't know," He shrugs.
There are questions she almost asks then, but they aren't the questions she's here to ask, so she stops herself. The growing silence makes the neutrality on his face meld into concern. "Are you okay?"
"I need you to take me to the farm- your home," Ruby gets the words out finally, with an intensity in her gaze that might have frightened him, long ago.
He wants to ask why.
No he doesn't.
Not yet, why is not a question he wants the answer to quite yet.
He wants to be mad- he is, somewhere in there, but it's buried beneath a heavy layer of relief and that buzzing that felt halfway between joy and anxiety that always grows stronger the nearer she is.
He's helpless still, in many ways, to say no to her. "Okay… alright, but I can't just leave for that long without warning, that'll get everyone freaked out." The intensity of her gaze eases a bit, and the corners of her lips curl up.
"Thank you." She rises to her toes to give him a briefest of kisses, unsure of how it'll be received now, all things considered.
"You know, you only ever do that when you're thanking me for something," He notes and she blinks at him. She hadn't quite expected him to pick up the pattern, but then again she'd been treating those fleeting kisses as transactional since the very beginning.
"Yeah, and you always blush when I do. So what?" She responds after a pause.
"So, nothing I guess. Listen, I've got to go but I'll come up with some excuse for them and we can leave tomorrow?" One part of him can't believe he's planning to do this, the other part knew he would. "I'm assuming you know where I'm staying, since he was hanging by the door all day?" Oscar gestures towards the dog.
"Yeah, I do. I'll see you tomorrow then, and thank you again- I won't kiss you again for it since you seem to want to call me out for it."
"See you then."
The next day brings them meeting not far from the house.
The train station being halfway across the city seems like nothing to someone that's used to traversing much more challenging terrain.
When they get there, they are stopped by a very polite and slightly weary worker who reminds them that no animals are allowed to board without a leash.
Finding something that's suitable for a leash is less of an issue than convincing a dog whose never once worn on to tolerate it.
It's a sight to see, Ruby trying to get that beast to sit still, talking to him like he understood a word of it, threatening to leave him at the station.
Eventually they get on a train with a sulking dog who lays at Ruby's feet with a loud huff, making his objections known.
The first hour goes by fine, quickly even.
They fall into one of their usual debates, this time over the merits of different projectile weapons. It is a debate Oscar never is going to win.
He knows this from the beginning but it's nice to see Ruby slip into talking so passionately about anything.
Conversation tapers off.
The second hour finds Ruby fidgeting with one of pamphlets that show different train routes. The fidgeting turns into ripping until she has a pile of pamphlet confetti in her lap.
The third hour, and she can't sit still any longer.
She stands, tiny pieces of paper flutter to the ground and land on the dog like snow.
She'll clean it up later, she can't stay still.
She paces the length of the train, passing by all the other passenger compartments, and gets all the way to the cafe before turning around to walk the length again.
The rumbling under her feet of the wheels, that reminder that she's already in motion, doesn't do anything to ground her.
Oscar is at a loss for what to do, at first.
Their normal means of distraction would definitely disturb other people.
Still, as Ruby passes by for a fourth time, he sees that wild look in her eyes and can't just let her stay like that.
He grabs her wrist to stop her.
She breaks his grip easily, her own nails digging into his arm, readying to attack.
She catches herself, barely, before she pounces. This isn't the place, or the time.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He asks, trying to ease her back, not minding the painful grip she had on him.
She stares, searching for words, trying to remember how to speak. "Small spaces. People. Hate it." She lets him guide her back to their seats.
It's nothing new. She has always the one to retreat first, with the excuse of wanting to read comics, or wanting to get to sleep, or patrolling. It was easy to go unnoticed, with how energetic she used to be.
"Okay…" Oscar looks around, searching for any answer. The dog whines and his eyes fall on it. "If you were going to name him, what would it be?"
"I don't know, haven't thought about it. Nothing too impressive, he's a total pest, doesn't deserve anything too majestic,"
"He doesn't seem that bad. How about Ash?" He was more or less picking a name at random, trying to keep her talking.
"No way, that's too nice, too dignified." Ruby shakes her head.
"Fine, if we're going for undignified, how about Cookie?" The dog looked up like he was actually judging Oscar for that one.
"No way, that's way too good, and too sweet. I like the food names though, go on."
"Potato?" Oscar throws out there, he's really just picking out of thin air.
"Okay, see that's more like it. That's what you are, huh, a big potato." She pats the dog, who flops on his side like he's accepted his fate of a terrible name. "So I guess that's your answer, I'd name him Potato."
Distracting worked, she's able to sit still and breathe freely, for a while at least.
When again the walls of the train start to feel as if they're bending inward to crush her, she's the first to speak this time.
"Do you have any photos of your aunt, or your family?" She asks like it's just a passing thought, a random curiosity.
"I do actually. I found it, when I went back and found everything… well, how it was." He rustles through the small leather bag he's brought with him to pull out a folded picture.
It's faded, and the corner is bent, but the image is clear. He looks a fair bit like his aunt, freckles and all. The resemblance stands out even clearer since Oscar's in the photo too, young and grinning, one front tooth missing.
"You were so little." Ruby hums, trying and failing not to laugh. "It's cute."
"Yeah, laugh it up. I've been to Patch, remember? I've seen pictures of little you too." Oscar grumbles, looking away.
"Why were you in Patch anyways?" She'd forgotten about that entirely until now.
He almost begins to answer before shaking his head. "Nope, my turn to ask a question."
"Oh, we're taking turns now? Okay." She's willing to go with it.
It's a familiar game of give and take. They've been playing it from the beginning, and the stakes are once again changed. There is no running, and there is no fighting to dodge an unwanted question, there is instead just silence and an understanding that silence was sometimes the only answer they had to give.
There's long lulls between questions. They're content in silence until they aren't, and the game continues.
When evening approaches and one of those long stretches of silence lends itself to sleep, Ruby quickly and quietly takes that picture and carefully tucks it into her own pocket, whispering an apology under her breath. He would get it back, sooner or later. She was simply borrowing it.
"Think you'll ever have kids?" She most certainly waited until he was mid sip of water to take her turn asking the first question that morning.
Oscar coughs, and sputters, catching his breath before answering. "I think I want to make it to twenty before I think about that."
"Well, you're almost there, made it this far."
"Mm, but even then. I don't know, if I die, it's weird you know?"
Ruby tilts her head, it's not her turn to ask another question, so she waits to see if he has more to say.
"If I die, I don't really get to be gone, so it's… uncomfortable, knowing I'd be leaving anyone behind, but also still be around, but also not really, not as me," He has no eloquent way to describe the dread of it, and thinking about it lets that all seep back in. He shakes his head. "Think you ever will? Have kids, that is."
"Asking the same question is definitely cheating, but okay. Nope, not gonna."
Her answer is so succinct that Oscar mirrors Ruby's previous motion and tilts his head to silently ask for her to go on.
"I don't really want to pass on a trait that will get them hunted for sport." She points to her eyes. "And, well, enough kids starve, or freeze, or get killed by Grimm because no one cares already," It would just sound pessimistic coming from anyone else, but it's said so factually that it only makes him wonder more at all she has seen and been through.
The closer they get to their destination, the more questions slip out that they've both bitten back for so long. As hard as the questions might have once been to ask, they all seemed easy to answer.
They deboard the train at the nearest stop. It no longer stops at the town nearest the farm. No one needs that stop anymore.
"Do you believe me when I say you're your own person?" She asks.
"Yes." Simple as can be to answer.
Her eyes gloss over, she looks so distant as they approach the town.
"Do you miss everyone?" He asks.
The question doesn't pull her back.
"Yes." A distracted, detached whisper as her eyes trace the burnt and damaged buildings.
She snaps back to reality, not fully, but enough to remember to ask a question.
"Why did you keep meeting with me?"
Silence is what that question is met with.
There's a ghost of an expression on Oscar's face that makes her blood run cold.
Silence is as fair an answer as any.
Only wind and the padding run of the dog- now free of the leash- keeps it from being completely quiet.
He has his next question for her.
It's a question that's rested on his patient tongue since serendipity or cruel fate sought to bring them together again.
He has the question, but he's still not ready to bring it to light.
He swallows it down once more as they approach the farm, now overgrown with brambles and wild grass.
He swallows the question down again, and again, and again, because he doesn't want to know, not really.
Denial had been a good friend to him.
Yet it turns bitter, it burns, it's going to turn his insides to charcoal.
This feeling answers another question he was never brave enough to ask.
He understands now, as much as he can understand it anyways, the feeling that drove Ruby to kiss him that first time, with such wild aggression.
He understands, only as she sits in the grass with him, with the calmest, clearest expression he's seen from her.
It only burns him worse.
She leans in, until their foreheads are near touching. She's counting the specks of brown, and orange, and gold in his eyes.
He's begging without words for her not to say anything yet. 'I'm not ready yet.' His eyes say.
She nods, she will wait until he asks.
She presses a gentle kiss to his lips, and he understands what feeling drove her that first time, because he desperately wants the same now.
For once he initiates, sure he's teased and goaded before, and sure she has just kissed him first but for the first time he's the one trying to chase off some terrible and wild feeling.
She draws him in and fights him all at once. It's never about fighting to get away, if that were the case then neither would do this. It's always about fighting for control, over the other, over themselves. Usually it's more Ruby's fight than his own, he's been happily caught in that hurricane time and time again. This time it's more his fight, or it's equal.
The taste of blood and this particular variety of pain he's come to completely associate with these moments. It's not unpleasant, it makes him shiver.
This would all be so much easier if pain was just pain and nothing more to either of them.
He's crying, and he doesn't realize it until that salty taste mixes with everything else.
They both ignore that. They both fight until there's no fight left in them.
When they do pull apart, an offer spills from his lips."You could come back." His voice cracks, 'we could still pretend this none of this happened.'
"Please." She closes her eyes. "Just ask, already."
She knows the question he's going to ask, she's that very same question before to see how it felt.
She knows her answer, she's rehearsed it in her head since the moment she decided to burn this bridge and go back to the tribe.
"Why did you leave?" There it was, hanging in the air where they couldn't ignore it any longer.
She opens her eyes and forces him to look at her as she answers, as if he could possibly look away.
"I killed Ironwood. Then I ran. Why? I don't know. Because I kept imagining what everyone would think? Or because I couldn't stand another day of being me? I don't know."
She ignores the tears running down his face.
"I joined Raven and… I did this!" She waves an arm at all that surrounds them. "I did this to so many different places." She could stop there, it's enough. She doesn't, she wants to leave him no room to excuse her.
She looks him in the eyes. "I kill huntsmen. I think they deserve it. I don't feel bad about it. I kill them slowly, and painfully, and I don't regret it."
There's silence.
She stands. "You can tell them I'm alive, if you want. Just don't leave any of that out, if you do."
She doesn't run this time.
She walks slowly.
He doesn't stop her.
The dog doesn't follow her either.
She leaves alone.
