Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

~Lily~

Lily refused to think as she ran back through the woods. She saw her parents hiding spot after looking for a few minutes. They were tucked carefully behind a alcove of bushes, but she didn't expect to see a figure hovering over them. Dressed in dark cloaks, the person was very concealed. She heard muffled voices. Voices meant life. Thank God.

"Mr Evans, please let me help you," Severus begged.

"You- you need to go." Lily's father was struggling to speak, struggling to stay conscious too.

"Dad," she said, rushing to them. Severus turned, frozen at the sight of her.

"He's with that woman, Lily. Get out of here-" her father tried to say. He was coughing then. Breathing was hard for him.

"Dad," she cried, "It's okay. You can trust him. He can help." Severus procured two flasks from his pockets. She knew he would have the antidote. Personal loyalty, she had said, but in truth she had been quoting Severus. He had told her that one time, a few years ago. It hadn't made sense to her then, but it did now.

"Mr Evans this should help," Severus said. He was avoiding Lily's gaze.

"Should?" Lily never knew Severus to deal in anything but absolutes when it came to potions. Severus had administered the antidote to both of her parents by then, but Lily needed to know exactly what to expect. Exactly what poison and what antidote.

"The poison," he said, "the Dark Lord asked me to make it. He didn't ask for an antidote, but I tried, Lily, I tried. I couldn't make one that worked right. No combination worked. Then for the potions project, Lupin and I were making a potion that I had been tinkering around with. A potion that could save you from the brink of death. We've been making a lot of progress, but it isn't perfect. It's missing something, but I couldn't just do nothing."

"Thank you Severus," she said. "but will they be okay?" Her mother, who had been so pale, was already starting to regain color.

"For now, but the poison was strong. I'm not sure the antidote is strong enough to counter it yet."

"How long?"

"At worst a few weeks," he said, wincing. "but they are strong. They could survive it. I'll work on the potion, Lily."

"Thank you, Severus. I mean it. You went back for me."

"Always," he promised. She had never seen his features so gentle. So genuine and vulnerable. His eyes softened when he looked at her. And despite all the trials and tribulations they went through. Despite every time they stood opposing one another, they still cared. He cared for her and her for him. They shared a bond that couldn't be broken, because he would always come back even when he no longer had any reason to.

"I have to go. I'll take them to St Mungo's. See what they can do."

"I'll send you more of the potion in case things take a turn for the worst. It's still missing something, perhaps you can distinguish it," Severus said carefully. She smiled at him, holding the hands of her parents as she readied for her journey.

"Stay safe, Sev." And with that she apparated away.

Lily was so tired. Tired of this war. Of death and disease and hurt. Of choosing sides and betrayal and loss of innocence. She just wanted rest. She wanted to forget the anger in James' eyes, the understanding in Sirius', and the love in Severus'. Things should've been easier. Now she had Voldemort's and Severus' trust over James'. She didn't want that. She just wanted to survive. She just wanted to see the stars one more time. To save her parents. To make up with her sister. To see James. To fall in love with him all over again when he kissed her. There was so much more left in her life and she wanted that. So she said what she had to. She did what needed to be done. Was that so wrong?

"Miss Evans?" a healer called out. She jumped up from her chair. Her head was spinning but she didn't care. She hadn't slept and it was getting to her.

"How are they?" The healer gave her a once over. Running his eyes over the bags under her eyes, the blood on her clothes, the wrinkled clothes, the desperation in her eyes.

"Better. They shouldn't be, but they are. Especially for muggles they are making an incredible recovery. The amount of poison administered should've killed them within the day, yet they live and are doing better." The healer shook his head in disbelief as he spoke. He was glancing at Lily curiously, as if asking her to have an explanation for their miraculous recovery, but she only grinned.

"Can I see them?"

"Yes, your mother has been asking for you," the healer said. Lily's heart raced. Her mother. Her mum who had been too close to death. 'The brink of death' Severus had said. Perhaps the potion wasn't perfect, but it was pretty damn good. "Follow me."

"Mum," she said. Rose Evans was sitting up in bed. Yes she looked pale and tired, but she looked alive. She looked happy as she learned to play Wizard's Chess against her husband.

"Oh Lily!"

"Mum I'm so sorry," she said over and over. Lily mumbled her apologies as she sobbed in her mother's hair as they embraced. Her mother's arms wrapping so tightly around Lily's back. She was warm and Lily felt so safe. Nothing else mattered in that moment. No other problems or people or drama even flitted into her mind. 'They were okay. They were alive.'

~James~

"James, I think you're overreacting a pinch-"

"Overreacting!" he roared. He saw Sirius flinch, but James didn't back down. "You heard her same as I. She didn't hesitate. She didn't stop and think. She didn't flinch. She didn't even try and fight back!"

"You don't know the whole story," Sirius responded.

"Right," he said bitterly, "I forgot my ex-girlfriend and you were sneaking off behind my back. Running around with You-Know-Who." He was practically spitting his words now.

"You aren't thinking straight." Sirius shook his head.

"Ex?" Remus said. He voice rose up in disbelief.

"You heard me."

"Don't get all pissy with me," Remus said defensively. "I just woke up and you sound insane. So you owe Wormtail and I an explanation."

"Where is Wormtail anyway?" Sirius asked.

"Probably getting breakfast early with his girlfriend," Remus suggested.

"No. He wasn't here when we got back a few hours ago," Sirius said. Remus shrugged.

"Maybe he spent the night with her. Check the map." After a few moments of James' silent brooding and Sirius fumbling for the map, Sirius looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Slytherin Common Room," Sirius said. "Wormtail is in the Slytherin Common Room."

"What? With who?"

"Rosier..."

"Come on then. Let's go!" Remus said, grabbing his wand. James was up and ready too, because furious or not, he was going to help his friend.

"Wait, he's leaving the Common Room now. He's probably coming back this way and he's alone," Sirius said. James peered at the map over Sirius' shoulder. Sirius asked the question they were all thinking. "What is Peter doing having a chat with Evan Rosier?"

The three boys were all sitting unnaturally stiff on their respective beds when Peter walked in. The smallest boy took in Remus' bed head, James' facial expression reminiscent of anger, and Sirius with his tired yet unforgiving eyes.

"Where have you been?" Remus asked. James was glad Remus was doing the talking. He was probably the most mentally sound at the moment. Probably at all moments, but nevermind.

"Just taking a stroll. What are you lot playing at? My mother?" Peter joked. None of them laughed. Sirius lifted the Marauder's Map like it was an explanation in full. Peter's eyes widened at it and James could practically see the gears twisting and turning in his head.

"He just wanted to talk," Peter said. James looked at Peter. He was different now. Ever since the summer he had been changing. He had been losing weight progressively, but James had just thought it was from some potion. Yet paired with his always pale complexion and newfound nervous twitch, something felt off. Not to mention he was always disappearing.

"Evan Rosier?" Sirius asked. "And you gave him the time of day?" His words were spoken like their meaning's were akin to poison. It made James' blood boil, because that was exactly how he felt with Lily.

"Well I didn't know it was him. I just got a note so I went."

"A note?" For some reason Sirius sounded afraid.

"Yeah."

"And you went to the Slytherin Common Room?"

"No actually. It said by the Potions Room. Evan just made me walk with him, because Filch was coming," Peter explained.

"Evan is it? The pair of you chummy like that?" Sirius demanded.

"No!" Peter said. "It's not like that. I just- he just wanted to talk."

"What about, Peter? Just say it already."

"I dunno. We never got around to the actual talking part. I think he wanted information though. He seemed to know that Sirius wasn't in the dorms," Peter said. "Speaking of, where were you?"

"Out," Sirius said flatly. He grabbed a quill and parchment and began to write furiously.

"What're you doing?"

"Writing to Lily."

"What?" James demanded. Sirius glared at him.

"Just because you're being neurotic and stubborn doesn't mean I'm going to stop talking to her," Sirius said accusingly.

"Well that's the pot calling the kettle black," James retorted. Rolling his eyes, Sirius swung his curtains closed. James did the same, not wanting to answer Peter's questions or Remus' demanding stares. He just wanted rest. Rest and clarity, because his mind and heart were battling. And if the past proves anything, he knew which would win and he didn't want it to. Not this time.

He heard the owl's calls before his eyes even opened. He hadn't been planning on falling asleep, but that's what pulling an all-nighter top-secret last-minute mission does to a bloke. But his eyes snapped open when he recognized the owl's calls.

Cleo, Lily's owl.

He knew Sirius was writing her, but still. He hated that he was so obsessed. He even knew her owl's cries. Why did he have to care so much? Better yet, why did she have to betray him like that? Betray herself like that? Gut-wrenching heart-breaking betrayal. It wasn't fair. They were finally happy, but now he was questioning everything. Had the hat really wanted to sort her Slytherin?

"What did she say?" James couldn't help but ask as Sirius read through his letter.

"It's not really any of your business." His tone was slightly too harsh. The edge too sharp.

"I'm her boyfri-"

"Ex-boyfriend, James. You have no right to be concerned."

"Just because we aren't dating anymore doesn't mean I can't be concerned for her!" James insisted, but the words hurt so bad.

"Sure it doesn't. But if you really want to be there for her, be a true friend then reach out yourself," Sirius then added. "See how broken she is for yourself."

"Broken?"

"Broken, James," he repeated. "Maybe try understanding, rather than jumping to conclusions..."

"Then explain it to me!" James demanded. "How can I understand if you won't tell me?"

"Because you haven't been listening! We escaped and you were already grabbing her like she was some insolent child. Already trying to put a leash on her," Sirius said. "And yesterday I tried giving you the benefit of the doubt. I thought maybe you just needed to calm down, but I was wrong."

"What are you saying? That I should go talk to her?"

"No. You're not hurting her anymore. Not today."

"What about my feelings, Sirius? She agreed to be You-Know-Who's spy, or did that not register with you!? How am I supposed to trust her? How do I know if she's been lying to me all along?" James said. It hurt. His head hurt. His heart hurt.

"It's called faith, James!"

"It's called seeing is believing. And I saw her, I heard her pledging herself to him!" James said back.

"Just talk to her. Later," Sirius said, "Please. You've both overcome too much to be stopped by this. Something so trivial as a misunderstanding."

"It's not a misunderstanding. I understood perfectly. What I don't understand is why you aren't as mad about this as I am?" James asked. Sirius simply raised his eyebrows, his face wiped clean of emotions.

"Are you calling me a traitor?"

"No," James said. "Just wondering."

"Well it's because I know exactly how she feels."

"We are not doing this again, Sirius," James said, shaking his head.

"I will until you understand. James you're living in a world of black and white, but that's not how it works. Just for a moment, take a glimpse at the real world in it's glorious shades of gray and red," Sirius said.

"Red?"

"Blood, James. Blood alone moves the wheels of history. You should know that by now." Sirius said harshly. "I killed that woman in there, James. That Death Eater, I killed her. Me! I used an Unforgivable. I broke Rule 18. So if you can't forgive Lily for her words, than I don't know how you'll be able to forgive me."

"You killed someone?" James said quietly. Everything in his mind was rushing and swirling like how it felt when the ocean tugged you under and you weren't sure if you were going to be able to ever breathe again.

"I did." He didn't even sound sorry.

"Did you have a choice?" James had to make sense of it. "Was she going to kill you?"

"Would that make it okay in your books? Because if you can justify murder, than you can justify Lily Evans of all people lying. She lied to Voldemort. Straight to his face. That's admirable, not punishable. And if it really matters that much to you" Sirius said shaking his head, "I did have a choice. I didn't have to kill Willow Selwyn, but I did it anyways. And if you want to know why, than ask Lily."

Another wave crashed against him.

Drowning.

Drowned.


"Hey Sirius?"

"What do you want?" Sirius demanded. Hours had past since their argument. Under normal circumstances James wouldn't have gone to smooth things over with Sirius for a long time. Both boys were stubborn, but Sirius was incredibly so. The thing now was, James had remembered something. Something that he was ashamed of. Ashamed and scared and confused.

"Where's Jonathan?"

AN: Please review!