Happy Friday!
Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. It's crazy to think we're almost near the end of the story!
Major major thanks to Bamberlee for editing!
Just a head's up: Bamberlee is going on vacation for the next couple of weeks. We're still aiming to update next Friday, if she isn't having too much fun at the beach, but if not, we'll update when she's back. Have a good weekend!
My father looks bored.
He stares in utter tedium while Jason attempts to hang up a picture on my wall. It's nowhere near as large as the one at my grandpa's house, but it's proving to be just as difficult. Jason struggles with the heavy gold frame, then steps back in total triumph to admire his work.
There's a creak as the picture tilts, dangerously close to falling off the wall, and Jason swears beneath his breath.
The déjà vu makes my head hurt.
"I think that's…good?"
Jason lets go of the picture, and his voice trails off at the end of his sentence, which I find odd. He was never less than confident, at least not that I knew of. I had grown up knowing him to be goofy and pretty fun, always down to investigate something paranormal or laughing when my father lost his patience at Clyde's for the millionth time in a week. As I got older, I realized he wasn't entirely goofy, and it came along with his marriage to Meghan.
I liked her just as much as I liked him.
Meghan was related to me in another unofficial way, and she had changed over the years right along with Jason. The earlier pictures of her that my mother had showed someone else entirely. Young, always tipsy looking, and half hidden behind bright green hair. Over time, the green hair lessened to a darker green, then just some green pieces, then almost none, except for some very artistically painted on sections to peek out when it was down. Meghan was blonde, so blonde that her hair was an unobtainable goal for anyone who'd ever wanted blonde hair, and she was very pretty. She also quit drinking sometime after her mother passed away, and when she and Jason got married, she looked like someone out of the fairy tale books my father read to me when he and Rylan argued over who was the better princess.
I hadn't seen Meghan since returning to Dauntless. I glance over at Jason, still frowning at the wall, and I realize I hadn't actually seen her since she threw up in Amity.
"It looks fine, but it's very…um…. intense."
I point this out from the kitchen. I'm a safe distance away, measuring out enough noodles for dinner, and wondering if anyone else was feeling the same way. Jason nods in agreement, and he eyes the picture warily.
"Yeah. Yeah, the eyes sort of follow you wherever you go."
"You don't like it, do you?" My father turns to look at me, crossing his arms over his chest. I'd say he looks completely over everything –his posture straight but his head tilted, and his eyes flash with indifference over the matter –but he'd shown up with Jason and this housewarming gift and stayed to make sure it was put up immediately. "We could move it to your bedroom. It might look better in there."
"NO!" I nearly drop the noodles I'd separated out, and I shake my head furiously. "It's fine there. I just wasn't expecting such a large photo…right in the living room."
My father grunts in response, growing irritable when Jason fidgets with the picture again. His fingers touch the frame gently, trying to adjust it without knocking it down, and then even Jason sighs.
"I think it's fine. If she wants to move it…. what about the bathroom?"
I dump the noodles in the boiling water, and I shake my head again no. "Maybe one of you should take it."
They look at each other, silently debating if they should move the giant photo, but ultimately end up looking back at me with very concerned stares.
It had been a week since I'd returned to Dauntless.
Things were all over the place and were showing no signs of slowing down. At my father's insistence, I hadn't accepted any position or job with anyone, and his grace period of allowing me to readjust to life here was incredibly kind.
It was proving to take some time for the novelty of Adam and me being back to wear off.
I had expected our friends to be thrilled, but we were now the focus of every member's attention. It was one thing for us to be gone as initiates, but another for Eric's daughter and Four's son to be in Amity for a week, presumed dead, then returned like nothing happened. This gossip must have been extra juicy, because everyone wanted the details. My mother insisted it would die down, hinting that most people were glad we were okay and just wanted to know what we'd done in Amity, but it didn't make their stares any less invasive. To ease everyone's curiosity, my father rounded everyone up for a faction wide meeting, announced we were alive and well, then told everyone not to bother us.
It was very sweet of him, but it sort of intensified their raging curiosity.
To counteract this, he told us both to stay home.
He'd taken to popping up here and there to help me however he could. My dad often showed up with groceries, purchased from Zander's fancy market that charged twice as much because they marked everything organic and then hung around for the afternoon. He dropped off books and movies, dinner, sometimes dessert, and quite often muffins. He made sure my heat worked. He made sure my door locked. He installed another lock above that one, then made me show him that I had my keycard on me and hadn't lost it.
He was also very careful to avoid tripping over Adam, or actually acknowledging that Adam lived here.
It was amusing to watch; I knew my father must have had a hand in this arrangement, but he acted like he couldn't see Adam's hoodie on the chair, or his phone on the counter. In return, Adam steered clear of him, disappearing to go take a shower or a nap or heading to rearrange his shirts anytime my father came over. They were both on good terms with each other, and I would even say my father was proud of how Adam and I had handled Marcus, but there was a funny tension in the air. Adam was polite, my dad was genuinely polite, but they occasionally looked at each other like they were in a weird contest over who I really wanted to hang out with.
Much to my father's chagrin, Adam usually won.
I'd lived with my father for eighteen years, and I found myself preferring to eat dinner with Adam –and just Adam – rather than my entire extended family at a crowded, dimly lit bar. I felt pretty greedy in enjoying every single minute with him, because I suddenly missed him the second he left the room.
I was also finding it hard to figure out just where the giant portrait of Rylan should go. It was an updated version of the same one from my bedroom, newer and much, much larger, and Christina had called to tearfully inform me he planned on giving it to me the minute I was assigned an apartment. That was a painful phone call, and when she hung up, my stomach felt like I'd swallowed a bunch of rocks.
Rylan and Four had been missing for a week now, and there were no signs that either of them were out there.
"Do you want to watch the one with a serial killer who ate his victims or the one about a giant shark? I think we already saw the shark one."
Adam looks down at me patiently, the remote balanced on his knee, waiting for me to choose what movie I'd like to watch. His head is cocked to the side, kind and generous as ever to let me pick what I wanted to watch, but the answer is neither.
My father had been kind enough to give me his collection of all kinds of movies, but I had learned that he and my mother liked very different things. There were no funny happy comedies, or anything remotely romantic or heartfelt. Not even anything aimed at my age group, something cheesy and terrible but ultimately enjoyable.
Nearly every movie my father had was either violent, bloody, or terrifying, or bloody, violent and terrifying. Despite his lack of belief in ghosts or demons, he seemed to enjoy watching movies about them, and not a single one had a happy ending.
There was a vampire one with a guy and a really sulky girl, but Adam and I grew bored after the first ten minutes.
"What about the vampire documentary? It's not a movie but we started it a few days ago?" I tilt my head up at him, happy to be laying against his chest, and he nods in agreement.
"I think Jason said there was a new season or something. I don't know how he's even finding them."
Adam shifts me closer, our feet propped up on the large ottoman and the apartment quiet and dark, and I watch as he clicks through what seems like a million screens. He finally lands on Jason's login information for some streaming program he'd created. He enters the information needed, and a second later, the TV screen lights up with the show we started watching on Sunday.
He pulls me closer, unhappy that I'm not actually laying on top of him, and I smile against his chest.
Living with Adam was far different than sleeping by each other in the dorms or spending a week in Amity.
I'd never lived with anyone other than my parents, and the morning after our first night here, I wondered if I'd made a mistake. Or my mother had made a mistake by insisting Adam and I stick together. Before Rachel and Pink left, Rachel had confessed that my mother and Tris got my father to agree to this arrangement on the grounds that it was safe. It was not likely anyone would find their way into Dauntless to kill us, and even less likely they'd succeed if we were together. From what Rachel said, my father was still reluctant to agree to me living with Adam, until my mom pointed out after what we'd been through, it was likely we'd wind up staying together anyway, and there was no point in having two apartments when one would do.
I liked the apartment I'd been given. I also liked that Adam's name was on it, but I wondered if I should have lived alone.
Mostly because in the morning, the very first morning after we spent the night here, Adam walked out of the bedroom half asleep, his hair a mess and his shirt missing, and I found myself really nervous. It was a stupid feeling, because not only was I pretty sure he liked me, I was fairly confident his confession that he loved me still stood. His smile was slow and warm, and he stopped to look at me, wearing his shirt, standing there clutching my coffee as I made breakfast.
My stomach fully turned over when he stopped behind me, staring curiously at what I was making, and kissing the side of my head before telling me he could help.
And he had.
He helped me cook eggs and pancakes, and we ate breakfast sort of staring at each other, not sure this was real.
But it was.
It was very real the first night I discovered his stuff was mixed in with mine. It was even more real when I realized his clothes were neatly folded in the drawers next to mine, and his jackets were hung up beside my dresses. His boots were lined up along with my own, his shampoo was fighting for the prime position in the shower, and everything smelled like him. The pillows, the sheets, our couch. His shirts often wound up on me, and he quickly realized he'd have to get used to sharing.
Maybe it was because we'd both grown up as the only child, but I had expected to feel claustrophobic to be sharing my space.
Instead, I found it completely perfect that he was here.
I liked falling asleep beside him and waking up next to him. I liked that he was there beside me, safe in the dark and it was reassuring to him as well. Some of the trauma of Marcus had worn off, and the bruises were mostly gone. I wasn't sore anymore, and though I'd developed an aversion to snow and icy water, I still had fond memories of being in Amity. Adam was better, too. He slept like the dead, but sometimes before he drifted off, I knew he was wondering if his dad was alive.
I could feel it, overtaking his thoughts no matter what was going on. Our friends had come by multiple times, their stares happy and bright, and not at all surprised that we were both living here. Rachel looked pretty smug when she and Aja ate dinner with us, and Pink and Gunner stayed to watch a movie. We hadn't ventured out much at all, because that seemed a little too real, and neither of us wanted to deal with that.
"Hey, did you hear anything?"
I move closer to Adam, kicking his foot so he'll look at me, and he does. His smile slips just a bit as he answers no, and his fingers tighten.
"No. Jason said I could call but he's been really busy. Meghan still isn't feeling good, and…" Adam pauses, and his stare drops. "Anytime I've called my mom, she just…sounds like she might start crying. She went out with one of the patrol squads, but they didn't find anything."
"I can ask my dad. I'll call and see if he's heard anything else," I offer, sitting up to look right at him.
He looks at me, and his expression is unreadable.
It had taken some time, but the bruises on both of us were almost gone. Adam had only the faintest ghost around his eye, and mine had faded to a really ugly yellow color. Neither of us had gone to see anyone, and instead stuck around here. We watched dozens of shows, sometimes barely got out of bed, and I learned that Adam was just as patient and kind as his parents hoped he'd be.
He was also very happy to sink into bed, and even happier when I skipped the pajama shorts.
"I was thinking I should go ask him. Offer to help, or maybe call Harrison. I don't know, a week seems like a long time to be gone."
Adam's words are heavy, because we'd been warned not to leave. My father liked that we hadn't gone out and tried to find Four or Rylan, and we'd listened to his threats. A large part of me thought we should go; we knew where Marcus had last been, and there was a small chance they weren't looking in the right spot. But we'd been questioned over and over, told to sit tight, and practically forced to do nothing but watch movies and recover from the attack.
And the hypothermia.
It wasn't the worst thing in the world, but it would have been better if we knew what was going on.
"Do you think they're okay?" I ask Adam, having spent a few days trying to coax this out of him. I was holding onto the hope that Four and Rylan were alive, and but I would feel better if Adam vocalized the same thing out loud.
So far, he'd been very in his head about it. He'd answer me, but only if I asked.
"Yeah, yeah I think they're alright. I was thinking they probably got stuck somewhere and are trying to get back. Or they're…in Abnegation and Rylan refuses to leave."
Adam's joke is a weak attempt to insert some much needed humor into a dark situation, so I don't push him for any more answers. I put my head back on his chest, sighing when his fingers touch my hair, and we both watch as a giant, blind, killer shark swims past a girl who doesn't know she's about to die.
It feels sort of fitting, but ultimately the shark loses, and the movie ends with a rare, fleeting moment of happiness.
"How long was it worn off for?"
I look at Arlene, pulling my feet up beneath me without breaking my stare, and she looks back at me. I wouldn't say she looks any older than I remember her, but she definitely looks less than enthused with life.
I blamed Rylan.
I learned that the week before he and Four went missing, he'd been furious that she made him get a flu shot. In a fit of spite, he hacked into her database and renamed all her files. He must have been really mad, because he'd renamed everything he could find and then some. Gone were all the actual patient names, and in their place were nicknames he'd come up with. Redhaired pirate wannabe. Ginger McJams. Lord Know It All. Those were all on Jason's file, and I only knew because Arlene showed me his and Meghan's.
Meghan's was named Jason's Baby Mama, but also Greenie Meenie Whose Seen Jason's Weenie.
Arlene looked like her blood pressure had risen a few points with that one, and I'd unsuccessfully tried not to laugh.
I missed him so much in that moment that my chest hurt. It hurt even more when I saw mine was named Coulter Three, but also Evangelina Rylan Coulter, which was not my actual name. I did give him credit for leaving mine mostly alone.
"It would have worn off three weeks ago." Arlene's tone is testy and far less chipper considering Rachel and Pink thought she'd be urging me to forget about the birth control. "I can only assume you've had sex since then, and you're down here because you'd prefer not to be birthing your boyfriend's baby this year."
She tilts her head, examines me intently, then exhales sharply.
"Did either of you use anything while you were…away?"
"Uh, no." I look to the side of her, hoping she'll either stab me right now so I can leave, or throw some condoms in my general direction and call it a day.
So far, this check-up was not going well.
I'd come down here at my father's insistence, promising him I'd report back if anything was broken. I'd also made an appointment for Adam, pointing out that he should be seen, too. Once we checked in, he got lucky. A random nurse called him right as Arlene called me, and he smirked after he followed someone closer to our own age in an entirely opposite direction than I was being called.
I should have known Arlene wouldn't be happy I hadn't been down here to see her, but she was flat out annoyed that I'd spent a week with a potentially broken nose. The insult continued through my appointment, when she realized that not only did Adam and I now live together, but we were not being very careful.
I tried to bring it up the other night, but I forgot once Adam collapsed on top of me and I fell asleep.
"That's why I'm here," I flash her a blinding smile, and she sighs again. "Neither of us want a baby. So give me the shot and I'll be on my way."
Arlene continues to look unimpressed, and she pushes her glasses back up her nose.
"You are aware of how it works, right? I'm sure your mother explained that the birth control shot only works if you stay on top of it. If it wears off, you're at risk for pregnancy and…"
"I drank some tea in Amity. I'll be fine," I interrupt, and her eye twitches. "My grandma knew Adam was staying. I don't think she's hoping for a great grandchild anytime soon. I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant."
"I see." Arlene scrawls something on my chart, probably the words birth control tea and moron, and she looks at the door. "Do you promise me nothing else hurts? Daniel sent several emails asking me to check both you and Adam to make sure you weren't suffering the effects of hypothermia. He said Adam had a few more injuries than you, but that you'd been hit in the face and were covered with blood upon your arrival to his house."
"I feel way better, and I think Adam is okay. The bruising is mostly gone and he said he's fine," I answer honestly, hoping Arlene believes me.
She doesn't look like she does, but I wasn't lying. Adam claimed he was fine every time I asked, and as the only person seeing him without his shirt on, I knew the bruises were fading.
"Do me a favor," Arlene closes the chart, and she steps closer in a very threatening way. "I'll give you your birth control shot after you have bloodwork done. I'll give you a few other things to take, in the event you forget to come back down here in time. But I want you to make sure Adam is really okay. I don't just mean physically. I mean that he's dealing with all this and pretending things are great. You two living together is fine, but he should talk to someone if he needs to."
"About his dad?"
"Yes," Arlene answers sharply, and she reminds me of my father. "He might need to talk to someone about what happened. It's bad enough it was Marcus, but then Four going missing can't help."
"Who would he talk to? Blythe?" I cringe at the thought of him seeing someone who wanted to kill me, but it's more the position. I knew she was some sort of psychologist, and she was the only one I knew.
"No, not Blythe. Blythe is the last person he should talk to. I just meant if he's worried about his father or the way they left things, he can talk to someone here. Even your father would be willing to listen."
My eyes must narrow at the thought of Adam having a heart to heart with my father, because Arlene finally smiles.
"Eric likes him. I saw your dad after Adam went to find you. He said any man willing to risk going to Amity had his vote of confidence." Arlene pauses, but just for a second. "He was down here earlier. He's worried that Adam will try to go find Four."
She notices the way I wince, because I'd thought this, too.
At some point, Adam would have to face how he felt about his father and the fact that he was missing. It was clear he was worried, and possibly regretting that things between them weren't good, but it wasn't clear if he'd end up going to try and find him. He'd left Dauntless once, and I'm sure he'd do it again if he felt like he needed to.
If the guilt he had about not killing Marcus said anything, then it meant there was a chance he'd try to make things right by going after him to find his dad.
"I'll talk to him," I promise Arlene, but her expression tells me she doesn't quite believe me.
"Will he listen to you?"
I ignore the way her words could be taken as an insult, because I understand she's worried. Adam had proven he had a clear idea of what he wanted to do, and it was impossible to change his mind. But this was different. This was life or death, and not just his father's. "I would think so. He knows everyone is out there looking. Him going out on his own won't do any good."
I lean back on the table, and Arlene's eyes meet mine.
For once, there's a weariness to them I haven't seen before.
I suddenly wonder if she's about to die.
"Are you sick?" I blurt out when she turns around to call someone else in the room, and her head whips back to me. "You look really tired."
Arlene's answer is immediate and hotly defensive. "There's a lot going on. I'm up to my eyeballs in drunken new members and working with the soldiers coming back from trying to find Four and Rylan. Why? You think I'm about to die?"
"Yes."
I respond without thinking, and Arlene scowls at me. She's a mirror image of my father, and she narrows her eyes as she yells for someone named Melvin to come draw my blood.
A half hour later, she leads me out of the room, loudly informing me she's just fine, and she's going to live forever, proving Pink was right.
"Why did they take your blood?"
Adam and I walk back upstairs together, occasionally bumping into each other on purpose. His appointment must have gone well, because his attitude is way different than it was earlier; he doesn't look so solemn, and he grabs me to keep me from crashing into the rockier part of the wall then keeps me close to his side.
"It was for this test."
"Did you ask them to?" Adam is curious at this recent development. He glances down at me, his eyes wide with concern at the pink bandage Arlene had slapped on my arm, and I wait until we pass a group of Karl's friends milling around. They're all red and sweaty, and a few are taking off the heavy uniform jackets while they walk. They're heading in to see Arlene, and I catch a few words that I wish I hadn't.
Amity.
Bloody footprints.
Harrison.
Adam somehow misses all this. His attention is solely on me as he waits to hear about the bloodwork, and I smile up at him.
I wasn't sure how to word it, so I figured I might as well just say it.
"I had to get blood drawn to make sure I wasn't pregnant so I can keep taking birth control." My words are fairly cheerful, but Adam's expression turns into something else altogether. I almost laugh at how horrified he looks, except that this is pretty important considering we could wind up having a baby before I'd even taken a job here. "It only lasts so long. So…I…had to go see Arlene. But you can't take it if you are pregnant so…"
I pause when Adam's head tilts, and he looks reasonably concerned.
"Were you on it in Amity?"
We walk exactly five steps in silence, before I shake my head. "No, I'm pretty sure it had worn off. I got it during initiation."
"Oh," Adam lags behind me for a second, almost like he's sizing me up, and I turn in confusion. "I just assumed you were. You didn't say…anything."
"I was a little busy!" I scowl at him, because he's still staring at me with a funny look on his face. "You just showed up! How was I supposed to know you wanted to talk about birth control. Didn't…didn't someone tell you about it?"
We stop in the dark hallway, not exactly fighting, but both mildly panicking over this. It wasn't that having a baby would be the worst thing in the world, but I certainly didn't want one now. We weren't engaged, nor had we even talked about it. We had been living together for a week, and while I was really enjoying my time with Adam, starting a family so soon wasn't on my to do list.
I would bet it wasn't on his, either.
"So you could be pregnant?" Adam's voice is laced with concern and panic, and I watch him try to flash back to the biology class we'd taken together a few years ago. We'd sat there while the instructor explained a lot of things, and most of the boys had snickered the entire time. "I didn't even think…"
His eyes fly up to the jagged, rocky ceiling, searching for answers amongst the darkness.
There aren't any.
If I was pregnant, my mother would be thrilled. Tris would more than likely be thrilled.
My father might make me move back home. Or he'd make me marry Adam and arrange an elaborate cover up to explain how I was pregnant after moving out of his apartment for a single week.
"We aren't even married. We've only been living together for…"
"You want to get married? I thought you didn't." Adam steps closer, towering over me just like he had in the garden. "I thought you kept saying your mom got married at eighteen so you were never getting married."
"Well…yes, that's true." I step closer to him, and he looks down at me. He struggles to look right at me, the thought of a baby probably making him want to bolt, but he doesn't. "You said it yourself. You didn't want anyone to think we wound up together because we were supposed to. I didn't want anyone to think I'd marry you just because our moms wanted us to."
"Didn't?" Adam repeats, and he's even closer now. I like his shirt, the plaid button down not something I'd seen him wear, and it matches the dark pants he grabbed from our closet. "So you do want to get married? Eva Coulter wants to marry me?"
His tone turns teasing, and my scowl returns as he chooses to focus on that rather than the potential of us having a baby.
"Well I didn't say you." I tease, wondering why the idea is no longer entirely unpleasant. I'd decided I would make sure no one hurt him, and I couldn't do that if he lived somewhere else or was with someone else. I didn't think he would be, but after facing death together, I felt like I had some sort of claim on him.
The same way he did.
He'd slammed the door in Henry's face, not even bothering to say hello.
I'd bet my father would say these were great grounds to get married.
"Liar," Adam grins, and his expression turns the happiest I've seen it in days. "I always knew you liked me."
I should smack him, because he looks so amused at his own joke, but I can't. I shake my head, ignoring the sting where my blood had been drawn, and I rise up on my toes. I kiss him once, quickly, then step away, smiling widely.
"Good luck with getting me to marry you now."
I leave him standing there, still smiling at my threat.
His dark blue eyes find mine, totally and completely glued to me.
In the afternoon, we watch the virtual announcement with Jason.
Adam and I sit on his couch, watching my father's face flash on the screen, his expression a stare of flat, intense disapproval. He speaks evenly, announcing that Four and Rylan are still missing, and he offers up a reward for any news of their whereabouts. He mentions a further reward for their return, no matter the reasoning. He practically snarls he wants them back alive, and next to me, Adam is silent.
"They're alive. Don't worry."
Jason takes the seat across from us, watching my father read a list of ways to contact him. He stops short of giving out his cell phone number but implies that both Rylan and Four are his friends, and he has a personal interest in their safety. He offers a few other ways of getting ahold of him, his assistant, Four's assistant, or Jason, and his voice drops when he goes on to say any information could be very helpful.
"How do you know?" I ask, and Adam leans against me. His knee knocks into mine, and there's a hint of nervousness to him. "It's been eight days now."
I point this out as gently as I can, wondering how on Earth they weren't anywhere. It was like they'd vanished into thin air, and their return was starting to seem impossible.
"I have faith in them. Rylan is far more competent than most think. He knows Amity pretty well, and if they're somewhere there, he'll find a way to get them back to the main faction. Four knows a thing or two about survival. I think they're just stuck, and it's taking them longer to get back than we'd like."
"Where would they be?" Adam asks, and his gaze flashes up to Jason. "You think they fell in the river?"
"The same one you guys were in? Maybe. Harrison and I talked about a few possibilities for it, and he doesn't think anyone would survive in it for very long. If they got sucked underwater or taken downstream, their odds of survival aren't very good. But they might have crossed over it and gotten lost."
"Is there anything past where we were?" I try to remember the night we'd gone over the river, and I have the stark image of the railroad tracks, cutting sharply through the woods and up the hill. "I know the tracks are there but I can't remember what's on the other side."
"Candor," Jason looks up, doing his best to remember the boundary lines for each faction. "They could be stuck in Candor. Maybe Jack is still mad over the Jeremy situation."
Next to me, Adam is silent. He toys with his sleeve, then looks over at me. "Do you know anything about Candor?"
"Not really," I confess, hating that I hadn't paid better attention the times I went. "My dad took me a few times. There's lots of white buildings and everything is marble. We ate at the restaurant there, and Rylan was mad because they didn't want him to order off the kids' menu."
"Is it far?" Adam asks, and Jason interrupts him before he can suggest we go.
"Are you guys okay? I've been meaning to come find you both and see how you are. I know the stuff with Marcus was a shock. I imagine it hasn't been easy to come back and just…" Jason stops, exhaling sharply. "I know the stuff with Four and Rylan is rough. The stuff with Marcus doesn't make this any easier."
There's a heavy pause from both of us, and I examine my shoe intently. The laces are dark, loose and in danger of untying, just like in Amity. I wait for Adam to say something, and so does Jason. He clears his throat, and there's a crash from the bedroom down the hallway. In the distance, Meghan swears, then apologizes to no one.
"Why didn't he tell me about him?" Adam finally answers Jason, unhappy and tight. "Why didn't he tell me I had a grandfather out there, and he would want to kill me. I helped Marcus, not even knowing who he was. Do you know how stupid I felt?"
Jason nods. His stare is sympathetic, full of understanding and regret. "Yeah, I thought you'd be upset over that. I know this doesn't make anything better, but I think Four thought you'd never run into the guy."
"Well I did," Adam's voice is angry, and he sits up straighter. "I helped him. I led Eva into the woods where he almost killed us. Had I known who he was…"
"You wouldn't have gone. I know," Jason is reassuring, and he smiles tightly. "Unfortunately, Four chose not to tell you, for whatever his reasons were. Same with Eva. Eric thought she'd never run into Blythe, and she did. Right in his own former faction."
"Whatever happened to Blythe?" I reach for Adam's hand, and his fingers are warm. He immediately slides them between my own, and Jason tries hard to look like he's not watching. "Did anyone ever ask her about Jeremy?"
"Not yet. We have no proof other than what Jeremy was saying. Eric could go hunt her down, but he's been dealing with the security issues as it is. As far as I know, they had her called to Candor to answer for Jeremy, but there was no response from her. Jack gives everyone a few weeks to arrange to get in contact if it's not an official trial. She's high enough in Erudite that she could flat out refuse if she doesn't feel like it's worth it. If that's the case, they'll send one of us to go get her."
This makes me frown.
I had the sinking feeling Blythe was smart enough to get out of whatever request was sent her way, especially when it pertained to a factionless man rambling about revenge. It was unlikely she'd take time out of her day to even address it.
"Your dad isn't happy at all. But then Four and Rylan went missing and…"
"Jason, did you hear anything? Kacie called this morning."
Adam and I both look up to see Meghan standing there, and she's sort of a weird color. Upon further inspection, her skin looks green, even as she smiles at us.
"I didn't really talk to her, but she was trying to get ahold of you."
Meghan heads toward the couches, and Adam and I stare at her in total surprise. She looks the same as she did in Amity; her hair is long and blonde, hastily brushed out in an attempt to look like she didn't just wake up, and her leggings and shirt are both black. The most noticeable difference isn't just the sickly tint to her skin, but the fact that she's clearly pregnant, something no one had mentioned.
"I'm so happy you guys are back. I was really worried." She sinks down beside Jason, wincing at the action, and he reaches over to take her hand. His stare turns to her, and the smile on his face is the same one my father had when my mother sat down by him.
"You guys are having a baby?"
Once again, I take after my father and speak before I can stop myself. No one had mentioned this to me, not that I was the person who all the faction-wide gossip was brought to, but I had figured my mother would have been thrilled.
"Wait…I thought…" Adam has better self-control than I do. He stops before he can announce that we all thought Jason and Meghan didn't want any kids. They'd long been the couple, along with Rylan and Christina, who vowed to remain childfree. They both spoke about liking their lives the way they were: Jason and Meghan both liked to sleep in, both competed over who was better at video games, and enjoyed their free time with each other and my parents, often staying out later just because they could.
None of that screamed desperate to have a baby.
"We weren't exactly…planning on it," Jason answers, but he's smiling. He looks surprisingly happy; his smile is wide and genuine, and his eyes are bright. "Meghan got sick and we forgot that antibiotics and birth control don't mix. It's a good surprise, but she hasn't been feeling so great though."
"I've been throwing up since I found out," Meghan sounds slightly less enthused than Jason, and she closes her eyes for a second. "We haven't told anyone."
"No one else knows?" I find this hard to believe. Meghan usually hung out with my mother and Tris and Christina, and it was unlikely not a single one of them would notice.
"I haven't been able to keep anything down. I took a leave of absence at work, and I did see your mom a few times. But she's got a lot going on. She misses you, everyone was worried about initiation, you guys got attacked, then Four and Rylan went missing." She pauses, and right when I'm horrified for her, she smiles. "Honestly, I can barely get out of bed. We text all the time. I figured we'd just…surprise them."
"With a baby!?" Adam answers incredulously.
Jason and Meghan both nod.
"Yeah, I mean, we have everything we need. Meghan only has a few weeks left, and then we'll tell everyone." Jason shrugs, but his eyes go back to Meghan. "Arlene knows, but that was inevitable. I'm surprised she kept quiet."
"She's been busy," Meghan yawns, then scrunches up her face as she fights down a presumed wave of nausea. "Rylan had been messing with her for a while. She wrote that he needed to take some vitamins and a day off, and in return he keeps logging in as her and screwing with whatever she was working on."
"Yeah, he changed the names on all her files. I saw them." I smile at the memory, but it falters when Jason looks down. "I hope he's okay."
"He's fine," Jason stretches his neck the same way my father does when things are definitely not fine. "They'll show back up. We have everyone looking for them, and it's more likely Four killed Rylan for being annoying than Marcus getting to either of them. He got to you guys because you didn't expect him to. You tried to help, and he took advantage of that. Four and Rylan aren't so kind."
Adam and I are both silent, but his fingers are so tight through mine that I know he's struggling with all this.
"I feel really stupid. I should have known better."
Adam's confession hangs in the air between us and Jason and Meghan. Meghan's eyes widen, and she shakes her head slowly.
"Don't feel stupid. Four should have told you. I think things would have been much different if he had." Her smile is as gentle as can be, especially when she glances over at Jason, and he nods. "Hey, Eva, would you want to walk downstairs with me to pick up dinner? I'm going to order something for us and you guys can stay if you want. It would be nice to hear how Amity was." Meghan pauses, and she tries not to laugh when Jason elbows her. "And Erudite. I heard your grandpa hated the wallpaper."
"He did!" I can't help but laugh when I think of him scrutinizing the expensive printed wallpaper that my grandmother had picked out, and how he'd claimed it gave him vertigo. "And sure, I'll walk down there with you. Are you sure you don't want Adam and I to go so you can stay here?"
Meghan shakes her head, and her gaze falls on Adam. "I could stand to get out of here for a few minutes. We'll take the back way. Jason and Adam can catch up while we're gone."
"Sounds good to me. Eva, you want to stay for dinner?" Adam loosens his grip just enough I turn to look at him, and I nod.
I have a feeling he and Jason have a lot to talk about, including our doctor appointments today.
"Oh, thank God."
My gasp of relief echoes in the dark hallway, and next to me, Meghan jumps.
"Sorry! I just had to do this bloodwork because Arlene was worried I could be pregnant and it just came back negative. She said I can start the birth control tonight." I explain everything without any hesitation, knowing Meghan would understand. "I don't want a baby. Not now."
"I take it you guys had a really good time in Amity," Meghan grins, and she looks less green than she did before. "I bet it was nice to be away from here."
"It was," I answer, turning to make sure she's alright. So far, she'd kept up with me, not overly slow or out of breath, but more like she might need to dash away and throw up if we walked too fast. "Honestly, before the whole Marcus thing, it was really nice. It was mostly Adam and I, but he fit in well there. Everyone really liked him."
"Why wouldn't they? Adam's a good guy," Meghan leads me to an area that I've only been in a few times, and I realize how no one knew she was pregnant. Very few members ever came this way, and the only people who would were delivery workers. "Jason…"
She stops talking when we reach an oversized elevator, and she waits until I'm looking at her.
"Jason and he talk a lot. I don't know if you know this, and it's not even my story to tell, but Adam and Four got into a really bad fight before initiation. They were arguing because Adam and his friends went out, and he didn't come back until the next morning and he lost his keycard. Four lost his mind, and he just…he won't give up on the idea that Adam is going to mess up his life somehow. He's so worried that Adam will make the same mistakes he did, even though everyone has been telling him that all he's doing is pushing his son away."
"I didn't know this…" I stare back at Meghan, wondering how I hadn't heard about this argument. "Wouldn't my mom have told me about this?"
"I don't think she wanted to. It was bad. Adam basically told Four that once he was done with initiation, he'd never speak to him again. And he meant it. Four took that as him being ungrateful. I think things might have escalated, but Jason was there, and he got in between them and took Adam home with him. It didn't make it any better when Four told Adam to stay in Dauntless while you were in Amity. Four said he was wasting his time and risking his own life by going back. Adam told him to go fuck himself, and Jason was the one who pulled Four away before he could say anything else."
"Why did Four say all that?" I answer slowly, hating all of this information.
This all had to be running through Adam's mind. The arguments with his father, feeling like nothing he did was right, being told he was wasting his time to go see me.
"I don't know. I think he's annoying, but Jason said he's mellowed out a lot. At least he did until initiation. The increasing security threats got him worried, and it was too late once Adam had left for Amity. Four knew he messed up by not telling Adam about Marcus, and there was nothing he could do about it."
"So Jason and Adam are close?" I wait for the ding of the elevator, and the air in the hallway seems awfully still. "They talk a lot?"
"Yeah. Jason has always sort of looked out for Adam. He always felt like Four was too hard on him. I think Jason secretly liked the idea that you and Adam would wind up together, and he thought Four would try and stop it. Everyone was afraid if you guys were dating or together or whatever, that if someone wanted to hurt you, they'd get to you both. Those fears came true while you were in Amity." Meghan pushes the call button again, and she looks at me.
"So when Four is back he still won't like us together…"
"I don't think it'll be good. Not right away," Meghan's answer sounds disheartened, and rightfully so. "I don't like it at all. I just want you to know that I really like Adam and I've been around him enough to know he really likes you. When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't want any of this. But Jason was so excited and he….he really bonded with Adam and I couldn't imagine not giving him the chance to do that with his own child."
"Are you having a boy?" I step closer to her, not sure why. I don't particularly feel any need to have a baby, and in fact, I'd spent my whole day trying to make sure I wasn't having one. "Did you guys find out?"
Meghan nods, and her smile is bright. "We did. We found out as soon as we could."
"Oh," I blink, and the elevator door dings as it opens up, and I feel wildly thrown off. "I'm really happy for you. I just…I feel really bad about everything else. I wanted Four to come back, but I feel like he's going to think this is my fault."
Meghan nods in understanding, but her silence is worrisome.
I have a feeling I'm right.
Rylan and Four would more than likely return, but it wouldn't make anything better between Adam and his father.
Only worse.
The days pass quickly.
I spend most of my time with Adam, and the rest is carefully divided up with my parents and friends. My parents are fine; they are happy to see me, constantly bringing things over, and always asking if I've eaten. My friends are good; they are rightfully jealous of where Adam and I live, rightfully concerned about Adam's missing father, and they also ask if we've eaten.
In turn, Adam and I spend a lot of time trying to get away from them.
It feels like a game that only he and I are playing, but it might be my favorite thing of all time. We do our best to sneak away unnoticed. Often, Adam goes first, winking as he pretends to get another drink, or me, excusing myself to the bathroom. No one catches on that we're both politely leaving. It doesn't take long for either of us to have our fill of the loud crowded spaces, the violent and noisy Pit, or the shoulder to shoulder seating in Clyde's, where my parents sit a table away, eventually paying for our tab.
Adam and I take a page out of Meghan's book, and we try to make ourselves invisible in Dauntless. Not because we have to or feel some strange pressure to remain out of sight, but because it's way more fun to take the long way home, to kiss on the rooftop in total darkness, or to split off from the group and take a route that's rockier and more dangerous. It's something that is just mine and Adam's. No one else is invited into this quest for alone time, and no one else ever figures out where we're going. It's greedy and all consuming, just like what I feel for him.
Of course, there are a few moments of adjusting.
Tris drops by a few times to see us, but she never stays long. She seems happy enough that we're together, but it's overshadowed by the reminder that her husband is missing. Adam eats dinner with her a couple times, then one day announces he can't anymore. She tried to explain why his father didn't tell him about Marcus, and it only made him more pissed off that no one trusted him to know exactly who Marcus was.
Christina isn't any better.
She comes by frequently, flitting in and out to gift us with whatever she's bought in an attempt to stay busy. I put the ninth candle on Adam's nightstand, next to the rest of them, silently wondering if my father will consider this a fire hazard.
Our friends do their best to make things better, too.
While they're all friends with each other, the pull to spend time with just them increased once they realized we were good. In an attempt to cheer Adam up, Gunner and Aja demanded he go out with them, even just for a few hours. Pink and Rachel did the same, coaxing me to leave the warm sanctity of my apartment for the cold, blinking atmosphere of some club.
Which is how I got here tonight, half perched on a bar stool, in a dress that doesn't fit the vibe of this place.
I had been here once before, years ago. I'd been tagging along with Rylan while my parents went out, and at the age of twelve, I wasn't old enough to be down here. This bar served only alcoholic beverages, and the booths were sticky. I knew this, because Rylan instructed me to sit at one and play on my phone while he went to break up a fight. A terrible choice, but in retrospect, he was doing his best. My parents had gone to Erudite to sign some papers from my grandfather, and Rylan was the only one available to make sure I ate dinner and stayed alive.
He was also working.
Which meant I went with him, sat down in the booth until he walked away, then promptly got up to wander around.
Even back then, this bar felt nightmarish. It was dark and loud, hazy and cloudy in certain sections, and the music was like a dying animal shrieking in my ear. The barstools were high and rickety, a cold metal that hurt my legs, and even now, I cringed as I tried to get comfortable on one.
"What's wrong? You look pissed off!" Pink yells, despite being a single seat away.
"I'm freezing!" I yell back, and I try to wiggle my legs away from the icy metal. "I should have worn something else."
"Yeah, maybe." Pink eyes what I'm wearing, a dress meant for summer with Adam's jacket thrown over it, and she shrugs. "At least you have shoes on."
I turn to the bartender, waiting for him to take my order, and I nearly fall out of my chair when I realize I know him.
"Eva Coulter. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Henry winks at me, flipping his hair out of his eyes and staring at me. He looks over at Pink for a fleeting second, then his attention returns to my face.
"Are you drinking tonight? I could make you something special since you came down here to see me."
The way he talks makes me want to leap off the barstool. He's definitely not bad looking, but he knows it. He's way too smirky at the sight of me, and I hotly inform him I'm not here to see him.
"I'll have a glass of water."
"EVA! NO!" Pink shoves me hard enough that I nearly fall off the stool, then apologizes furiously. "Sorry. I just want you to have some fun. Rachel and I have come down here a few times. The drinks are really good. You should have one."
"Um, sure," I shrug, and I regain my balance. I glance around the club hoping to find someone I know who can save me, and my heart sinks when I realize I'm looking for Rylan to come save me. "I'll have whatever Pink is having."
"Sounds good." Henry is pleased; he immediately begins twirling all kinds of bottles around, making a bigger deal out of pouring my drink than necessary. I watch him for a minute, halfway mesmerized by what he's doing, and half annoyed that he doesn't hurry up.
"What am I having?" I scoot closer to Pink, but her answer is drowned out by the arrival of Rachel. She hugs us both fiercely, then takes the seat beside me. "Pink?"
"Trust me, it's good."
Thirty minutes later, I realize why my mother rarely drank anything.
I had never drunk anything, unless you counted having a few sips of champagne on special occasions or the time Forrest accidentally served us beer instead of soda when we went to Woody's birthday party.
This drink is sweet and bubbly. At first it tastes like overly sugary juice. I sip it quickly, hoping the faster I drink it, the faster I can go home. Then it hits me out of nowhere, like a blow to the head, that my tolerance for such a drink is zero.
"Shit," I frantically wave Henry down, and I order some water. To his credit, he realizes I don't like feeling all buzzy and lightheaded, and before I know it, there's a plate of food in front of me. Pink and I eat the chicken fingers together, and to my relief, the wobbly feeling slowly goes away.
"You have to eat before you start drinking," Henry comments dryly, his eyes on me while he generously pours a glass of something dark. "Otherwise, you're drunk before you know it."
"Thanks," I answer warily, not sure I trust him. "Since when do you work here? I thought you were working with Four."
"I am," Henry slides the drinks down a few seats, over to a few waiting soldiers. "But I work here part time. I like the points. I can make almost double what I make working for him in a few nights here."
"Where is Four? Did they find him?" Pink turns to look at Henry, but her gaze is suspicious when Henry looks back at me. "Do you two know each other?"
"He's my next-door neighbor," I answer, and my phone vibrates in my pocket. I fervently hope it's Adam, telling me he's on his way home. "Have you heard anything?"
Henry stops and he looks over me. I can see him thinking of how to answer; he licks his lips, then shakes his head. "Unfortunately, no. Because he's gone, I've been working with Jason. But I haven't heard anything. You'd know more than I would."
"Great," I feel defeated, slumping back in my seat. I toy with the rim of the glass, feeling myself sinking back into the crappy feeling of my godfather and Adam's father being missing. It doesn't last long, though. A few seconds later, arms wrap around me, pulling me back against one warm, solid chest, and I know Adam has arrived.
"I missed you."
The words are spoken against my neck. Adam is biting them into my skin as his nose gently touches the same spot a second later. The sensation makes me dizzy, especially when his fingers move from my side, to the hem of my dress.
Adam had shown up with Gunner and Aja. They were all a little rowdy and red, and I knew right away they'd been somewhere else. Adam kissed my cheek, told Gunner to pay for my drink and he'd pay him back, then pulled me along with him. We didn't make it very far. He led me off to the side, just beyond the entrance, and I found myself against a cold wall, while warm fingers skimmed my thighs.
"I missed you, too."
I smile as he kisses my temple, and he stops what I want him to be doing to look at me.
We'd spent most of the day apart. While my father insisted neither of us accept any job yet, Adam had gone with Jason to observe a few of the open positions. I had been patiently waiting to hear about it, but I forgot all of that when his lips touched mine.
"I think we should go home," Adam mumbles, and his fingers move.
In the dark privacy of this corner, his bravery is easy. His fingers move beneath the short dress, across my thighs, and right to my ass. He pushes me back further, desperate to be closer, and my skin barely registers the cold wall behind me. All I can feel is the way he's touching the soft fabric that he's taken off a few times before, and how solid he is against me.
"Eva! Eva where'd you go?"
I lift my head away from Adam, trying hard not to snicker at a frantic Henry as he rushes right past us. He misses the sight of Adam and I together, and I silently watch him scan the area in pure disappointment when he doesn't see me. The check for my drink is in his hand, and I would bet anything he was trying to find a way to talk to me, even just to ring up my tab.
"Should I tell him?" Adam laughs against my hair, and I shake my head no. "I bet he'd love to know how good you feel."
My eyes widen in surprise, but I get the feeling Adam is a little drunker than I am.
Considering I'd had one drink and ten chicken fingers.
"How soft and warm you are…"
"We should go home," I whisper, because while I liked him confessing all this, I didn't want it happening while Henry stood scowling a few feet away. Adam must not hear me. He rests his head against mine, and his fingers curl into my skin.
"How much I like you…"
"Okay, come on." I manage to untangle us, feeling the wave of disappointment washing over him. He looks at me with a petulant sulk, and I smile widely. "It's warmer at home."
Adam is pacified by this, and we sneak right past Henry, down the hallway. At the last second, Adam changes our direction, guiding us toward one of the lesser used exits.
"This way. I want to show you something."
He must have suddenly found some endless patience and a moment of sobriety, and I'm left reeling in frustration as he takes us in the opposite direction of our apartment. This area is well lit, and my eyes protest the sudden burst of brightness.
"We can go outside for a second. I found this spot, well, Jason told me about it…"
Adam keeps talking, and I follow him willingly. My fingers are through his, and he walks quickly, pushing a button labeled Entryway like he knows exactly what he's doing. This docking bay is old; it's creaky and grey, the area rarely used unless the trucks needed more space to park, and even less used by the soldiers. The only way in was around the entire faction; you could cut through the woods, but that would be one long trek from the outside.
"What else did Jason tell you?"
Adam turns to me, smiling so widely it must hurt, and I know he's been dying to show me this place.
"You'll see."
The heavy doors start to lift. There's a mechanical whirl as they are raised, and a groan when the chain catches. But they open slowly, rising up with great effort.
"Adam are you sure this…"
I don't finish my sentence.
I freeze in place when the doors are fully opened, the outside dark and threatening, but lit up enough to reveal someone standing there.
"Fucking finally. I've been standing here forever, waiting for someone to notice I was outside."
The announcement is cheerful, happy and carefree, as Rylan steps toward us, his hair a total mess and his grin radiant.
His smile is so large and bright, that I almost fail to notice he's utterly and completely alone.
