AN: I know, I know. Sorry. I also lied, this turned into a beast of a final chapter (like 10k words) so I've split it into two parts. Second part I'm still editing but should be ready and posted within the week. Obviously I don't want to put out anything that I'm not happy with so apologies for the delay. It's hard letting this baby go.

Thanks as always to Monica, Heather and Maria for holding my hand and to all of you guys for sticking with this, especially team #freemasen on facebook (you know who you are!) who have made me LOL the past few weeks.

Ps. Edits have been made to all chapters except 28. Nothing drastic though. I forgot save that one and haven't had time to go back to it.


Chapter 30

Eighteen months later

"Mrs. Cope?" I ask, looking around the waiting room with a medical chart held under my arm. An older lady staggers to her feet, skirt swaying, breathing heavily as she lumbers towards me.

"Where are we? I ain't walkin' far, bad enough Dr. Black treats me like a pincushion," she gripes.

"Just in this room, right here," I say, pointing my pen to the small consultation room three foot to our right. She grunts her approval and moves forward, me trailing her in.

Heidi joins me at that moment, a little squeeze to my shoulder.

"Hi, Mrs. Cope, how are we today?" she asks as I close the door behind us.

"Been better," Mrs. Cope mutters, sitting down heavily in the chair. "Why do I need two of you today? Dr. Black think I'm gonna put up a fight?"

I smile. He had warned me she could be pretty brutal.

"Well, if it's OK with you, I'm going to supervise Bella doing your blood draw today. She's a student, but I can assure you she's very good at finding those pesky veins."

"A student, huh? Well, I suppose that'd be alright. Gotta learn somehow. What are you studyin' for?"

"Just a medical assistant," I respond. It isn't quite the nursing option I wanted, but it's close enough, and I'm really enjoying it.

Heidi tuts behind me. "No 'just' about it. Medical assistants are an essential part of our team. They do lots of things that make life easier for me, as a nurse, and the doctors. And between you and me, she's smashing it."

"Well, better drain some blood out of me then. Have at it, missy."

By the time I've drawn three vials and labelled them correctly, checking and double checking the correct boxes are ticked for the lab, Mrs Cope is raring to go. I take her samples with me as I see her out, the clock above reception telling me I'm already fifteen minutes into my lunch.

Stealing away to the staff room, I bump into Dr. Black on my way in. We do a dance in the doorway until he's grinning at me, his hands coming out to hold me in place.

His touch makes me stiffen, and he must realize it because his hands withdraw into his chino pockets immediately.

"Mrs. Cope give you hell?" he enquires, his smile returning.

"Not as much as I was expectin'. She told me to 'have at it', so I guess I made the grade."

"You certainly do," he winks and I can feel my cheeks turning pink. "That reminds me, bring me your log sheets later on and I'll fill them in. I've not been the greatest at that, sorry."

"You're busy, it's fine. As long as all these hours are logged before the end of this semester..."

"Which is?"

"Three weeks' time."

"OK. I can do that. Have a nice lunch, Bella." He smiles again, running a hand through black hair before walking away, glancing over his shoulder again as he goes.

I move to the fridge, taking out my lunch bag.

"He so fancies you," Heidi says from the table, fork poised over a tupperware box full of salad.

I sit down next to her and bite the inside of my cheek.

"I don't think so."

"You seriously don't get the vibe?"

I shrug. There is one, but I don't even want to think about it, acknowledge it, or address it. It feels wrong.

"Look, I know you've got Max but you should really think about dating or something."

I shake my head, swallowing a mouthful of left over stir-fry I shoved hastily into a lunchbox this morning, somewhere between dressing and feeding Max breakfast and making sure his bag was packed for a day at his Nana's.

"Why are you shaking your head? Single moms need some love too. You know, when Seth was old enough to be left overnight, I was on the hunt for a real man—not just a sperm donor. Don't get me wrong, I kissed a fair few frogs before I found my Prince, but I had to put myself out there first."

My eyes slide over to Heidi, completely oblivious, feeling guilty that she has this impression of me that isn't strictly true. I haven't lied, but I haven't told her the truth either.

"I'm not—I'm not a single mom, Heidi," I confess quietly, staring hard at my lunch. "I'm married."

There's silence and when I risk looking at her, her blue eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly parted.

"Wait, what?" she exclaims, a little too loudly. A couple of the receptionists look over in our direction. She lowers her voice, "How did I not know this? You're married? You've never mentioned this before! All this time I've been trying to set you up and—"

"I know." I swallow hard, closing my eyes shut. "It's complicated. He's… away."

Maybe 'complicated' isn't the right word. Maybe 'away' isn't the right word either.

"Away where? You mean like, enlisted? In the army?"

I laugh a little. "No. Not like that. I mean—" I glance around, my voice little more than a whisper. "He's, um… He's serving time." My face heats, feeling ashamed. Ashamed of being ashamed, mostly. Almost two years and it still tears at my heart, conflicting emotions battling in my chest.

"For real?"

"Yeah."

The silence that follows is suffocating.

"Um, wow. I'm actually speechless right now. I never would've guessed. Is he..."

I squirm a little in my seat, stabbing at a water chestnut. "He's Max's dad. Look—I just keep it private, y'know? It's just... really, really difficult sometimes."

Most of the time.

All the time.

"I get it," Heidi says, but I'm not sure she really does. "Well, I'll definitely hold fire on the match-making then." She smiles, popping a cherry tomato in her mouth. "And if you ever want to talk to me about it... like, really talk, then I'm always here."

I get the impression she wants to know more, but she doesn't even really need me for that. All she'd have to do is Google my name, and she'd know everything about everything.

I wouldn't even blame her if she did. In her shoes, I would probably do the same.

...

Two weeks later, it's my day off. No clinic, no college. Just me and Max and a whole sunny day stretching out before us.

The park is sticky hot by the time we make it out the house, still, humid air unmoving, suffocating. The weather pushing into the nineties and even right before ten in the morning, it's roasting. Sweat on my back as I push the swing, chubby little toddler rocking his body frantically for more, blue bucket hat hiding a mop of dark hair.

I push him harder, pulling fabric away from where it sticks.

"Two more minutes, Max," I tell him, glancing at the time on my watch.

"More, Mama," he squeals, little hands opening and closing rapidly.

Then all of a sudden Max doesn't want more. It's too much. His face crumples, and he starts crying. Plucking him out of the swing, I balance him on my hip as I head for the stroller in the shade.

A long glug on his sippy cup and some carrot sticks and the tears streaking his face have all but stopped. I wipe them away with the pad of my thumb, gazing at his little profile, my heart so full of love I can't quite describe it. I love being his Mommy, and I'm proud of our journey together; even though we're mostly doing this alone and it's been hard. Like indescribably hard. The hardest thing I've ever done.

Not out of choice, but… I look at my watch. We could visit today… It's pushing it though, and I'm still annoyed at him. Masen.

An argument. Not our first, and undoubtedly not our last, but definitely our worst since he's been locked away.

I sigh, strapping Max into the stroller.

"Mama's got some stuff to do around the house before we go see Auntie Charlotte. Are you gonna be good for Mommy?"

"No!"

"Great! Let's go!"

...

Before we leave the park, a lone figure sitting on the bench nearest the entrance catches my eye. My steps slow, the slapping of my sandals against my heels coming to an abrupt stop.

He stands when he sees me, adjusting a dark suit jacket before walking over with purpose, looking out of place in the blazing sun, sticking out against a background of green.

Heart hammering against my chest, my hands tighten on the stroller as he tosses his cigarette to the ground, crushing it underneath his foot.

"Princess."

His gaze finds Max in the stroller and he crouches down before I can stop him, taking Max's hand, rubbing his thumb against the back of it. "Ain't you grown? Daddy's mini-me, huh?"

I grit my teeth, fighting the urge to snatch Max up and run away like I desperately want to.

"What do you want, Alec?"

He squints up at me, a slow smile spreading over his face as he rises to his feet.

"Masen. Still got another year left, or so I hear… Set me up visitation with him."

I'd laugh if he wasn't serious.

"No."

"No?"

"You heard me. He did what you wanted, and you fucked him over. He don't owe you anything. I don't owe you anything. So, no."

"This is business. It's not personal. How'd it have looked if I'd let him just walk away?"

"I don't care how it looked!" I snap. "If you weren't OK with us leaving, why did you let us? You were fine with it." I shake my head, teeth gritted. "Your family has done enough. Just leave us the hell alone!"

I start walking, not wanting to entertain him for a second longer. I've only gone four or five steps, pushing the stroller when his voice calls after me.

"You're wrong."

I stop.

"Who do you think got those murder charges dropped, Doll?"

I close my eyes, clenching my jaw.

"That's right. So I'd reconsider what I'm asking you, unless you want Masen to spend the rest of his days in lockup. You got it?"

"You can't do that!" My mouth goes dry as I whirl around to face him. He steps closer to me again, glancing around as a few people look over at my outburst.

"Your choice. All I need is for you to do me a favor… You work that power of persuasion you've always had over him, huh? I know he weren't pleased, but we're brothers. Went through a lot before you came along and put fuckin' ideas in his head."

He pauses, icy blue eyes sweeping over me, his mouth curling.

"How 'bout I try an' get some time knocked off for this? I mean, how long's it been? Since you had him between your thighs?"

My face flushes. Too long.

"Thought so," Alec laughs. "Bet you're fuckin' gagging for it. I'd love to help out, but me and Maria, we're engaged now."

I'm shaking my head at his arrogance. As if I'd ever touch him, as if I'd ever want him to touch me.

"I'd heard. Congrats, I hope to God she knows what a backstabbing, two-faced liar you are."

Alec grins, bouncing on his feet, drawing his lip between his teeth. "Maybe I'd make an exception for you after all, Princess. That spark you got, gets me weak every time."

"You're disgusting."

His mouth twitches.

"You'll be there? At the wedding? Maria would be made up."

A laugh escapes, incredulous. My friendship with Maria died the day she chose Alec, knowing what he'd done to Masen. To me. We haven't spoken since the day I picked up my things from her place.

"Not a chance."

His cell goes off and he looks at it, starting to walk away. He turns, walking backwards a few steps, pointing a finger at me as he puts his cell to his ear. "Set it up, Princess, and you ain't got nothin' to worry about."

I do worry though. I worry all the way home, so distracted I can't remember how we've got there, feeling like everything I'm striving for is about to come crashing down around my shoulders.

Life isn't perfect. Far from it; but it's quiet. We have routine and stability, and I wouldn't give it up for anything. Every day is one day closer to Masen getting out. A day closer to becoming a normal family.

Alec… He'll ruin that, I know it.

Just him showing up today is bad news.

I jam the key in the front door, glad to be in air-conditioned coolness, feeling safer once we're both behind the door of the house Max and I call home; a modest two-story in suburbia with a decent backyard.

Masen sold his apartment and the range in the months after I told him I was pregnant. It was his priority that he took care of us the only way he could. After paying his court mandated fine, he transferred the rest to me. I didn't go crazy; I bought what we needed with Esme's help.

We're not rich, but what we had left over after buying the house, furniture, and a car means I don't have to worry about working just yet and can concentrate on completing school.

If we were really desperate for money, I know Papà would help, even though our relationship is difficult. He's difficult; to read, to talk to. I want to make up for lost time, but it all feels too late, too forced. I try anyway because I know he likes to see me and Max, and I hope one day things will get easier between us. Maybe when he's released, they will. Maybe if he accepts Masen. For now, he's still inside. Even though his murder convictions were quashed a while ago, he's still serving time on racketeering charges.

Glancing at a sleeping Max, I brush the back of my hand down a chubby cheek. Carefully unclipping the straps, I lift him from his stroller, slowly carrying him up the stairs to his nursery. Singing a little 'Ninna nanna, ninna oh, questo bimbo a chi lo dò?' to him when he stirs. Waiting a few minutes, I make sure he's sound asleep, and the monitor is on before I creep out of his room.

Pausing at the foot of the stairs, I eye a white envelope on the doormat that I swear wasn't there when we came in. Picking it up, I turn it over in my hand, cursive script addressed to Masen and me.

Inside, on thick-weighted card, is the invitation Alec promised for spring next year. I tap it against my bottom lip, eyes darting all over the house.

I stalk over to the living room window, peering out at the street, looking this way and that. It hasn't got a stamp, which means it must've been pushed under the door in the few minutes I was upstairs with Max.

I curse, dropping the gauzy white curtain.

Alec knows where we live.

It's just like him to play like this; a subtle reminder that he's in control.

I pull out my cell, texting Demetri before going from door to window, checking every single one is locked, unable to settle until I hear the roar of his motorbike in the driveway forty minutes later.

We've grown close over the last few years; he's a constant presence in our lives and unlike Papà, our relationship is easy.

No sooner is he through the door; Max is waking up. I dash up the stairs to find him sleepily blinking at me, rubbing an eye, one side of his face red from him lying on it.

"Mama!" he demands, standing up in his cot. "Up!"

I smile and smooth down ruffled hair as he lays his head on my shoulder, only lifting it up when we're back down in the kitchen and he hears Demetri's voice.

"So, where's the fire?" Demetri asks, extending his arms to take Max from me. Flipping the switch on the kettle, I get two mugs ready before leaning against the counter and crossing my arms.

"Alec. Tracked me down to the park today to ask me to set up visitation with Masen."

Demetri stops pulling faces at Max.

"Really now?" he says. "And you're worried?"

"I don't know. I don't know what he wants from him, but he was… he implied he got Masen's murder charges dropped. That he could make them reappear if I didn't set it up." I pause, trying to formulate my thoughts. "Do you think that's true?"

Demetri's face is serious when I slide his cup of coffee over to him. "We were all surprised the charges were dropped. Something felt off about it at the time, I said that."

Max was barely three weeks old, and I was in a fog of exhaustion. That call from Jenks telling me the charges were being dropped though, I can remember that as clear as day. I couldn't understand it, they were weeks away from going to trial but I just accepted it; we all just accepted it because it was the best news. Who were we to question that? We were going to get Masen back. Not for a while, but eventually.

"Just feel... concerned that Alec knows where we live. And as if Masen is ever going to agree to see him." I sweep hair out of my eyes. "Don't even know whether he'll see me right now."

Demetri's lips purse. He looks a little shifty.

"He's an idiot," he says eventually. "He knows he messed up."

"You… did you talk to him?" I ask suspiciously.

Demetri looks guilty as sin.

"You did! When?"

"Last week. He called askin' me how you were. Didn't like seeing you so upset. Laid it out to him. He should be grateful you're waiting around for him at all."

I take a sip of too hot coffee, regretting it instantly, watching as Max tries to reach for Demetri's mug as he moves it out of his way.

He sees Masen regularly. I've no idea what they talk about, but I've always thought it's nice he does that, seeing how his brother hasn't gone near the place, ever.

"So, what do I do?"

"Tell Masen," Demetri says. "It's up to him, he can hear Alec out and go from there. As for Alec knowing where you are… I can stay over if it makes you feel better, but he's probably known all along. I think if he'd wanted to hurt you, he'd have done it by now. He'd have let it happen, way back."

I take Max, blowing out a breath, pressing a kiss into dark hair, rewarded with a giggle. "Guess we're gonna have to see your Daddy then, hey, bubba? Auntie Char's gonna be so disappointed missing out on all your cuddles."

The correctional facility Masen is housed in is federal ran, a two-and-a-half hour round trip we make as often as we're allowed. Usually he's allowed four hours a month, which makes the five-week months difficult.

He's already sitting at a table in the visitation room when we get there, late and flustered. Max needed a diaper change just after we went through security, except I forgot the wipes, so I had to go back to the car and back through it all over again.

The only silver lining is the packet from the vending machines Max is now hugging tightly to his chest: mini Oreos.

"Dadda!" Max shouts as he spots Masen, bouncing slightly in my arms, leaning forward to get to him.

I put him down as Masen looks up, his face breaking out into a grin. He gets out of his chair, crouching, arms open wide as Max toddles towards him as fast as he can, scooping him up, lifting him skywards, earning a shriek of delight.

Esme and Elizabeth put together a whole scrapbook of pictures of family for Max, heavily slanted towards Masen: new ones, old ones, ones we got off his phone of me and him once the cops released it back to us. It's one of his favorite things to look through, pointing out all his favorite people.

"You get bigger every time I see you," Masen's saying to Max when I reach his table. "Gonna be as big as me soon, huh?" He holds him super close, a kiss to his forehead as Max smiles really wide, hands coming either side of his face to cup his cheeks and kiss him back.

Fleeting memories of the first time they met resurface. Masen cradling our tiny precious boy, no more than a week old. The setting wasn't ideal, but Masen was enamoured, placing a sweet, tender kiss to his forehead, looking up at me, his eyes shining.

"He's… amazing. You're amazing, Bella. I'm so fuckin' proud of you."

He looks over the top of Max's head at me as I slide into my seat, and I don't know whether he thinks that anymore.

Keeping up a relationship when one of you is under lock and key is tricky. There's no privacy, no room for intimacy, conversations on the phone can be cut short at any moment, and things get lost in translation all the time. But we've stuck at it, so far, despite everything.

"Hey," Masen says cautiously. He doesn't reach for me, and that hurts even though I know he's in the wrong here. "You talkin' to me now?"

"I'm still mad." I slip into my seat.

He looks down.

"But…?" he says looking up again, sensing my hesitation. I frown, unsure whether ploughing straight into this thing with Alec is wise.

"What's the matter?" Masen asks concerned. "You look upset. Look, I'm sorry—"

"It's not about that." I tug the sleeves of my cardigan down so the cuff covers my knuckles. "Just, don't flip out, OK?"

Masen runs a hand through buzz cut hair, down the back of his neck, pulling at the collar of the white t-shirt under his jumpsuit.

"You ain't filling me with confidence here, B," Masen tells me flatly. "Go on."

"Alec… He, um… he showed up at the park today when I was with Max."

Masen's face instantly clouds. "He showed up? What the fuck did he want?"

"Just… long story short... he wants to visit you." My eyes flash to Max. "And can you please not swear? He's like a sponge at the moment. Last thing I need is him shouting the F-bomb at Moms and Tots."

"Sorry," Masen says. "Habit."

I fidget. "I told him you wouldn't. See him. He wasn't—wasn't taking no for an answer. He enlightened me to a few things… you need to see him."

"Enlightened you? What the fu-, what's that supposed to mean? Did he threaten you?" Masen says, jiggling Max on his leg.

"He said if I didn't the charges against you might reappear."

Masen swears under his breath, sitting back, focusing on Max intently as he finds a snap on his jumpsuit. He looks away for a minute, contemplating. "What else did he say?"

I push my hair back. "Nothin' important."

Masen gives me a look, like he knows I'm holding back, but I can just picture how he'd react to Alec's suggestion of 'helping me out', so I avoid it. His jealousy is part of the reason why we're arguing.

"It's up to you if you wanna see what he has to say. I'm just passing on the message."

Max tries to crawl across the table towards me, but Masen lifts him instead, so he's stood balancing on his legs, fingers curled around Masen's thumbs tightly.

"That the only reason you're here?" Masen asks, searching me out.

"So Max can see you too," I tell him.

"Not you though."

"You said some pretty shitty things last time," I tell him, folding my arms. His eyes bounce to my tits at the movement, then back to my face. His tongue swiping at his lower lip, swallowing.

"I'm sorry. I didn't—do you know how it makes me feel? Knowin' my wife is havin' dates with some fu-"

"There you go again... It wasn't a date! I work with him in the clinic; there were two other girls there! You're taking somethin' and twisting it in your head into something it really wasn't."

My hand reaches for him as he looks away from me, jaw set, tense. His fingers though, they curl around mine squeezing.

"Does he like you?"

"It doesn't matter even if he does. I promised you I'd wait, and that's what I'm doin', Masen. You got nothing to worry about... this jealousy thing you got goin' on has gotta stop. I hate it."

I'm satisfied when he looks at me and I can see the remorse in his eyes.

Max is shaking the pack of Oreos with enthusiasm now. "Maaamaaaa," he says, shoving them at me.

I open them, giving him one that he clutches too tightly in his fists, crumbs dropping onto the table, before he smashes it into his mouth. Masen reaches for the packet, taking four, leaving me the rest.

"I shouldn't have said what I did," Masen says. "I'm sorry I was being a di—, I wasn't being fair on you. Garrett had just found out his girl had been cheatin' on him and I just… I… it was the last thing I needed to hear. I'm just so tired of this." He gestures round.

He's not wrong. This place, these visits, or lack of visits, seeing other happy couples and feeling alone, my heart aching for all the things he's missing out on with his son. I'm tired of it too. It's exhausting.

"We're all countin' down the days... Just under a year and you're out. Which is why you need to see Alec, if he's being serious. Which we both know he is."

"All gone!" Max announces, looking into the empty packet.

"Yeah, man, all gone." Masen looks amused, then wistful, a sadness there. "He's growin' real fast, ain't he? Missin' out on so much, with both of you."

"Less than a year," I repeat.

"One year," he repeats and groans. "Feels like a fu- freakin' lifetime." He blows out a breath, nuzzling his nose into the back of Max's hair. "I'll see Alec. Can't promise I won't break his face, but I'll see him."

I raise an eyebrow, and he finally smiles.

"Joking."

We both know he really isn't.

"And I am really sorry for what I said. I miss you so much."

"Me too."

By the end of our visit we've reached a sort of normality; he holds me tight when we say bye, his fingers lingering on my waist, a kiss planted to my temple, an 'I love you' in my ear.

And that moment, where we have to let go and walk away is forever the hardest part of it all.

...

Summer slips by in a haze of sunshine; trips to the lake, picnics in the park, lazy afternoons in the garden with a paddling pool, Max smelling of sunblock and sun-sweaty skin.

Masen doesn't mention Alec to me again, and for a while I don't ask, I try to put it to the back of my mind because my day-to-day is busy: Max, toddler groups, my ongoing therapy sessions with Irina, visiting Papà, visiting Masen, studying, completing my final week at the clinic. Life is busy.

Autumn creeps in and with it I graduate with the offer of a job in the practice I currently work in; I accept on a part-time basis, still wanting a few days at home with Max and needing days free for visitation. Charlotte, Esme, and Elizabeth all come along to watch me receive my diploma on a chilled autumn morning a few days after my birthday, Max in tow. I get spectacularly drunk, celebrating afterward with Heidi and Charlotte, blowing off a year of hard work. Masen even manages to arrange flowers and a handwritten letter with words so sweet it makes me cry.

Max gets bigger, his vocabulary growing as fast as his legs seem to be. Sometimes I look at him and I find it hard to believe I gave birth to him. A couple of stretch marks on my hips are the only clue I was ever pregnant, but even they've faded.

One visit to see Masen just before Halloween, and I can't wait any longer. I know Jenks has visited Masen a lot more recently, so I ask him outright.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, Max perched on his knee, scribbling furiously with some coloring pencils and a piece of paper one of the female guards brought over for him to stop his impending tantrum.

"I saw him," Masen admits to me quietly.

"So... what did he want?"

I can only think of one thing that he wants from Masen: him back, working for him. The thought fills me with so much dread and anger that before he can even speak, my mouth is running.

"And if you're gonna say what I think you're gonna say, don't even…" I trail off, unable to hide how mad it makes me feel.

Masen blinks. "I promised you I'd do whatever it takes not to end up in here for the rest of my life," he says, his voice low. "He's got me over a barrel here and there ain't a whole lot I can do about it in a cell."

My face must say it all. Disbelief gripping every muscle and tightening it.

"Unbelievable."

"Do you trust me?"

"You know I do," I tell him, almost resentfully. "But you said no more of this stuff. Don't you remember?"

"I remember. But you're gonna have to trust me on this, OK?"

I'm not looking at him until he ducks his head, forcing me to meet his eyes.

"Bella..."

"Fine, OK. Whatever." I rub my face, feeling frustrated. "He's really gonna come in and fuck everything up again, isn't he?"

Masen's face twists, eyes angry. "Not if I can help it."

"Car!" Max points to his scribbled red blob, looking for confirmation from Masen, breaking the tension between us. "Dadda, car."

"That's um… pretty great?" He looks back over to me mouthing, "Where are the wheels?"

I laugh. "If he says that's what it is, you gotta believe it."

"You just wait until I can take you for a spin," Masen says to Max. "I love cars too." He looks up at me. "Me and Emmett are putting some plans in place to set up the garage. Early days but looking at doing custom mods. He's going searching for premises this week."

"That's great." My smile is genuine. I enjoy seeing him animated about stuff like this, especially when on so many of our visits I can see how deeply unhappy he is.

"Yeah, it feels good, to be makin' plans like that. For when I'm gettin' out."

Because it's not a question of if, it's a question of when. He smiles, and this one lights up his whole face.

"It's going to be OK, B. You'll see."