Sasuke's No Good Very Bad Teammates

Summary: Naruto and Sakura have gone insane.

Or: Just after becoming Team 7 Naruto and Sakura go through a massive shift in personality, leaving Sasuke out of the loop and wondering what in the name of sanity could have happened to them. His only consolation is that Kakashi is just as weirded out as he is.


Chapter 28

Team 7 made a deal with Nagato and Konan.

The Ame leaders only ever wanted to protect their home village, and while they'd clearly strayed from their path in allying themselves with somebody like Tobi (or Obito), the intent behind their actions was reasonable enough.

In Sasuke's opinion, it had been a rather bold move to strive for peace while working together with a man intent on destroying the entire world. But who was he to judge? He'd never tried to achieve world peace before. Perhaps this was the sort of logical conclusion someone with goals as high-stakes as that naturally reached.

"We've got friends all over the Five Nations," Naruto told them. "Some of them are in pretty high places."

"There won't be another war if we can help it," Sakura added grimly. "And even if there is, we'll make sure Ame stays out of it."

Neither Nagato nor Konan made a comment about how ridiculous a promise like this sounded coming from a bunch of teenagers. It didn't matter much. They'd honor it, whether their new friends believed them capable of it or not.

Obito, meanwhile, hadn't yet fallen back into his world-dominating schemes. He hadn't attempted to do anything even remotely harmful. Whenever he didn't stare into blank space, deep into thought, they would listen to him mutter under his breath without acknowledging their presence.

The guy might not have been openly attempting to kill them any longer, but if somebody were to ask Sasuke, he was way too psychotic to no longer be considered a threat.

He also seemed to be determined to find a way to resurrect his old friend and inquire as to her opinion on all things world domination.

"Gotta ask Rin. Gotta ask her. Gotta know," he muttered, "gotta ask her and complete the plan... if she wants me to. Gotta ask–"

"Um. Buddy," Naruto started half-heartedly, "not that I'm not thrilled we're not fighting anymore, but I don't think resurrecting people is a good coping strategy."

Sakura watched Obito rock back and forth. "At least he's no longer trying to actively kill us?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Everybody needs a hobby." Even if that hobby happened to be necromancy.

In the end, they more or less decided to just let him do his thing. Naruto – clearly not happy with this plan – tried to come up with various reasons why they shouldn't leave him alone in the sort of mental state he was in. Unfortunately for her, neither Sakura nor Sasuke were willing to spend more time than necessary babysitting.

Naruto huffed out a breath of exasperation. "So we're just gonna leave him alone and hope this Rin is a reasonable human being? And not, you know... going to encourage his world domination plans?"

The answer she got was not the answer she'd wanted to hear, and soon they were saying their (partly reluctant) goodbyes.

They'd check up on Obito from time to time, see how his resurrection plans were going and whether or not they ought to be having a rematch with him in case this Rin person did, in fact, encourage him to keep going.

Naruto froze halfway out of the village, and Sasuke barely avoided bumping into her. "Guys. We're gonna have to tell Kakashi."

Sasuke furrowed his brows in confusion. Sakura's eyes widened in realization.

Obito, as Sasuke was thus informed, was an old friend of Kakashi's who was supposed to have died years ago. There was somewhat of a gap in the story – namely, how Obito had gone from surviving a mission gone wrong as a teenager to wanting to kill all living beings – but neither of them were enthusiastic about asking Obito for details.

Sasuke pursed his lips at the thought of having to break the news to Kakashi. He was glad that they'd have the rest of their trip to come up with a gentle way of telling him. One thing was certain: after the Itachi disaster, they'd learned that there would be no more secrets kept among the team.


The conversation wasn't a pleasant one, but Kakashi deserved to be one of the first to know, rather than stumble over Obito's picture in the current bingo book.

He went silent by the end of it. He pulled his hand out of Naruto's – she'd taken it upon herself to deliver the news – but gave her a brief, reassuring pat on the shoulder when her expression fell.

"Thank you for telling me," he said, an odd note to his voice and a pinch in his expression Sasuke could have gone without seeing.

Sasuke shifted his weight, pulled way out of his comfort zone but knowing that this conversation needed to happen.

"I... think I need a little time on my own."

Sasuke watched Kakashi walk away, noting the tension in his shoulders and the stiffness of his movements. He turned his head to meet Naruto and Sakura's eyes, and both of them all but radiated helplessness. They weren't used to not being able to fix everything themselves.

"We need to go after him," Naruto declared as soon as Kakashi was out of earshot.

Sakura frowned. "He said he wanted to be alone."

"Well, clearly that's not what he needs right now! He needs someone to support him. He needs us. He just doesn't know how to ask for it."

"I don't know..." Sakura chewed on her lip. "We can't just force him to accept our help. What if he really doesn't want it?"

"We can't just do nothing!"

Naruto's voice rose in distress.

Sasuke thought that it would be best if they let Kakashi be. Sakura and Naruto might have had trouble understanding that somebody would want to lick their wounds in private, but Sasuke wasn't. He remembered those days after he'd realized how strong his teammates were – the time during which he'd avoided them completely until he'd managed to adjust to his worldview.

It wasn't the kind of coping Sakura and Naruto fell back on, and it showed.

"Okay, here's the plan," Naruto said, her brows furrowed in determination. "We'll just have to stick close to him, right? Far enough that he won't realize we're there, but close enough that we're immediately there when he needs it."

"You want to stalk him."

"What?! It, it's not– I'm not suggesting we stalk him, Sasuke!"

Sasuke raised a single, pointed eyebrow.

"I mean– Okay, so I see why you'd come to that conclusion." Naruto let out a huff. "But that's not at all what this is about. The point is, okay, the point is..."

"Kakashi is terrible at asking for help when he needs it," Sakura offered.

"Yes! Yes, exactly. He doesn't know how to do it. He'd rather stew in all of his pent up emotion and that's really, really bad for him." Concern flickered through Naruto's eyes. "We just have to show him that we're there for him! We need to read between the lines. If he needs us, we gotta be there."

Sasuke knew that this was a terrible idea. Kakashi was an adult. They should trust him to know when to come to them for support, just as Kakashi should trust them to help if he asked for it.

There was a part of Sasuke that was starting to have doubts. Wasn't this exactly what Naruto and Sakura had done for Sasuke, back in the day? Back before their travels, back before their friendship was anything close to what it was now. Sasuke'd had trouble changing the image he had created of them in his mind. He'd thought them beneath him – the dead last and the civilian girl – and he hadn't been able to accept it when they had turned out to be anything but.

As if that revelation hadn't been enough of a shock on its own, it had also coincided with Itachi's initial return to the village. Needless to say, Sasuke hadn't taken it well. He hadn't taken it well at all.

Sakura and Naruto had kept coming around to him during the weeks that followed, despite Sasuke turning them away each and every time. They'd tried to spend time with him, had offered sleepovers and restaurant visits and everything else they'd been able to think of, and Sasuke had turned his back on them again and again, up until he'd managed to digest the shock of what he'd learned.

Would it have gone differently, had Naruto and Sakura accepted Sasuke's refusal to see them and left him alone? Would he have thought they'd lost interest? Would their reconciliation have happened the same way?

The thought of staying away from Kakashi and letting him suffer on his own was almost unbearable. Sasuke thought that for the first time, he genuinely understood his teammates' need for constant gestures of friendship and affection.

"Just don't overdo it," he muttered, hoping that he hadn't just sealed Kakashi's fate and done him more harm than good in the long run.


In stark contrast to his teammates' claim, there was no better word to describe what was happening over the next couple of days than the word 'stalking'. Considering that Team 7 was supposed to be a capable team of shinobi, it was somewhat worrisome just how bad Naruto and Sakura seemed to be at the job.

"I lost him!" Naruto's eyes were wide and panicked, his chest heaving from his rapid breathing. He looked as though he'd run the entire way, and he'd thrown on a Henge to make his clothes look less feminine instead of going to his apartment and change properly.

Evidently he'd felt like he hadn't had the time for such trivialities.

Sakura's head snapped up from the medical book she'd borrowed from Ino. "What do you mean, you lost him?!"

"He was on his way to the hospital – don't ask, it was Gai and Kisame's fault – and I swear I didn't take my eyes off him, but he was just gone! I completely lost sight of him, I don't know where he went."

Good for Kakashi. Sasuke leaned back, determined to keep himself out of this new obsession Naruto and Sakura were rapidly falling into.

"What do we do?" Naruto had begun pacing frantically. "What if he needs a shoulder to cry on and we're not there?"

Sasuke fought the urge to roll his eyes. "I don't think he'd want a shoulder to–"

"Let's comb the village," Sakura interrupted grimly. "We'll find him."

Sasuke breathed out a deep, exasperated huff of air. He deliberately stayed behind, unwilling to get wrapped up in his team's most recent bout of bad decision making.

He kept himself determinedly uninvolved for several days until he felt his resolve crumble. He still thought that Kakashi would be better off with the chance to process his feelings on his own – that definitely hadn't changed. But as Sasuke kept avoiding his teammates' efforts to make their teacher open up to them, he began to wonder.

Sasuke wasn't like them. He doubted Naruto and Sakura were actually helping Kakashi so much as they were annoying him. From their perspective, they'd want to be given support and encouragement by their team if they were in his position, so they kept offering it to Kakashi.

Perhaps that was what really mattered? Not the result, but the intent?

Sasuke didn't want Kakashi to think that Sasuke didn't care, just because he wasn't running after him like his teammates were. He did care – he cared a lot, as a matter of fact – he simply wasn't as open to show it. Kakashi knew that, didn't he? He knew that if he asked for it, Sasuke would be there for him. Right?

... But what if he didn't? Sasuke bit his lip, mulling the thought over in his head. Did he trust Kakashi to interpret the situation correctly? Perhaps not. He and Sasuke were simply too alike in certain things. So, did that mean Sasuke was making the wrong decision, keeping himself out of his team's efforts to cheer Kakashi up?

If so, then there was no helping it. Sasuke set his face in a grim expression, steeling himself. He had no choice.

Sasuke would have to prove to Kakashi that he cared, one way or another.


"Ah. Sasuke." Kakashi scanned the general area with all the wariness of a man who'd been plagued by his well-meaning stalker students for the better part of a week. "Isn't your team with you?"

Sasuke didn't answer. He took a step towards his teacher, discomfort tingling on his skin.

He'd endured plenty of hugs – even group hugs – at the hands of his team. He'd never before initiated one by himself.

"... Sasuke? Are you alright?"

Sasuke took a deep breath to brace himself. He could do this. For Kakashi.

"Sasuke, you're starting to– oomph."

Kakashi went rigid as Sasuke closed his arms around him. Sasuke held onto him tightly in case Kakashi would instinctively try to pull away – and so that he wouldn't be tempted to try the same and escape the awkwardness of the situation. He'd come this far. He refused to back out, now.

After a couple long, uncomfortable heartbeats, Kakashi began patting Sasuke's head. Sasuke refused to look anywhere near Kakashi's face, resolutely glaring daggers into the ground.

"Sasuke..." Kakashi hesitated, clearly at a loss about what to say. He thankfully stopped patting Sasuke's head like he was some sort of puppy. "Are you alright?"

Sasuke suppressed the urge to push Kakashi away so he could glare at his teacher more effectively. "Of course I am. You're not."

A pause followed. "You're trying to make me feel better?"

Heat flushed into Sasuke's head and made him want to stage a swift retreat. Wasn't it obvious? If Kakashi asked a question like this, Sasuke had clearly failed in his efforts.

Sasuke had almost convinced himself to consider the whole operation a failure and leave while some of his dignity still remained when finally, at last, Kakashi relaxed into the hug.

"You know what?" Kakashi's voice had gone soft. This time when his hand came to rest on Sasuke's head, it felt less like an awkward pat and more like a sign of genuine affection. "I think this is exactly what I needed. Thank you."

Sasuke felt himself tense at the words. If he hadn't taken care to avoid Kakashi's gaze before, he was definitely doing so now.

He soon reached his limits in terms of physical contact and put a healthy distance between them.

"Sasuke." Kakashi waited until Sasuke forced himself to meet his gaze, and his eye crinkled in a smile. "I'll be fine. Tell Naruto and Sakura, would you?"

Sasuke gave a curt nod. He accepted the excuse Kakashi had offered him and retreated, allowing himself to feel pleased about a job well done. Naruto and Sakura had better appreciate it.


True to Kakashi's words, he started coming around to them after another couple of days. He mercifully didn't mention Sasuke's act of self-sacrifice, although Sasuke strongly suspected that Naruto and Sakura had a pretty good idea of what had happened anyway.

He tried to ignore their fond, appreciative glances and told himself that this was still better than the uncertainty of a depressed Kakashi looming over them.

"What else have you been up to, then?" Kakashi asked, somewhat missing the mark of normalcy in his attempt to smooth over the time since their arrival they'd spent apart. "You must have done something besides thwart an attempt at world domination."

Naruto jumped at the opportunity to tell Kakashi all about their run in with Tsunade – as well as everything that had happened before and after.

Listening to Naruto's retelling of their adventures made Sasuke take a moment to pause and marvel at the odd sort of routine they'd settled into. They'd long since reached their goal of visiting each of the five big villages – their initial reason to keep travelling after having met Tsunade.

Their travels had become something more than simply checking off destinations on some list long ago.

Sasuke wouldn't be able to tell how much time had passed since their very first trip. It felt as though they'd made friends all over the Elemental Nations since then, and they'd never run out of new places to explore.

Money wasn't a concern for them. They'd began taking up bounties when they needed to – or, when they didn't need to, just for the fun of it.

Considering just how little control Konoha had kept over them, it came as somewhat of a surprise that when an excited Kiba presented them with their first entry in the current bingo book, they were listed as Konoha nin, rather than as missing nin.

Perhaps they shouldn't have been surprised. They did, after all, always return. Eventually.


A/N: The end is coming within sight... Hope you're holding tight and enjoying the ride!

Beta'd by the amazing Igornerd, PyrothTenka and To Mockingbird!