Chapter Twenty-Eight: Free Falling
As the day passed, Miruko still did not respond to Hawks's texts or calls. He would like to say he was perfectly cool-headed about that but no, he really wasn't and was in fact on the verge of panicking and sending half his Agency to go find her. Instead of doing that, he first did the logical thing and checked the Hero Network.
According to it she was busy.
Hawks did the next logical thing and texted Toshinori, Tensei, and Best Jeanist to see if any of them had heard from her. He got three negatives within a few minutes, followed by another text from Toshinori asking if he was alright and then a new message from Tokoyami mentioning his cousin had arrived. Hawks told Toshinori he was fine and would call him later, acknowledged Tokoyami's supposed relative and asked when he wanted to work on that project they had talked about, and checked the Hero Network again.
Miruko was still 'busy'.
Still.
After over a day.
Hawks ran towards the window of his office.
Mockingjay intercepted him before he could reach it. "Where are you going?"
"To find Rumi." Hawks showed her his phone screen, which was filled with unread messages to the missing Rabbit Hero. "Call me paranoid but she hasn't responded to anything in over twenty-four hours or been seen by the news who have been hounding everyone close to me and I highly doubt she forgot her phone somewhere—"
"I'll find her." Mockingjay interrupted. "You stay here."
Hawks's phone vibrated. He checked the screen, only to feel crushing disappointment when he saw it was a text from Aizawa. He was requesting a meeting at his apartment at UA. Before Hawks could hope his day might get a little better, Aizawa sent another message saying Eri would not be there. Hawks confirmed he would arrive in a few hours and looked to Mockingjay.
"Looks like Aizawa gets to babysit me next."
"We just want you to live." Mockingjay said bluntly.
Hawks managed a wry smile. "I know."
Mockingjay left first and he followed ten minutes later, dressed in civilian clothes.
Before he could head towards the door, Shatterpoint intercepted and steered him away from it with a hand on his elbow.
"The press is outside." he said briefly.
"Have they heard about the head?" Hawks asked tiredly.
"Not yet."
Hawks grimaced but let Shatterpoint lead him down a level and out the back entrance. Neither Present Mic, Fatgum, or Ingenium were waiting for him with a car. Instead Shatterpoint's nondescript vehicle was parked outside.
"Are we sure—?"
Shatterpoint doesn't work for the Commission. Hawks interrupted before Purple could finish.
"Are you absolutely certain?" he asked suspiciously.
Positive. Hawks struggled not to smile. Who's the paranoid one now?
"Hmph."
Hawks sat in the passenger seat and watched the city fly by, wishing he was literally flying. As more and more sky passed, bright and blue and open, he began to wonder if he would be able to ever again. He wanted to claim that type of thinking was melodramatic, but after the Commission had turned on him so quickly and decisively, things he always thought were stable about his world turned out to be easily altered. Facts like how the Commission would always repress him but would never destroy him, and how they may cage him but he could still fly with his wings were no longer the case.
The Commission already thought he was beyond saving. To them, he had gone from a rebellious but caged Hero to a threat in an instant, all because he decided he would not accept their 'kindness' any longer. He would not dig a grave, lie in it, and let them bury him. He was not free, but he found himself wondering if he could get there someday. Somehow.
It wasn't the most impossible dream he had ever heard of.
The Commission knew something was 'wrong' with him, but their own belief of 'public perception above all'— and UA's meddling— meant they could not drag Hawks out of his office or risk exposing themselves as the villains. Hawks and his Quirks were not worth revealing the Commission's dark side to the public they swore they protected.
The biggest threat— if only because they were on the 'Heroes' side'— to Hawks and the voices already knew something had happened to him. Miruko did not know the whole story, but Mockingjay and Aizawa did, even though the former did not fully believe them yet.
And Hawks…
A series of conflicted emotions swelled up inside him— among which was undeniably panic as he once again realized what he'd done— but he pushed it down.
I don't want to have to hide anymore.
"Gold?" Green asked hesitantly.
I don't want to have to hide you anymore, Hawks elaborated.
"You have to." Purple argued. "We can't tell everyone—"
We don't have to tell everyone anything. I can just let you out around the UA teachers. They can think what they want. I don't care.
"I think you do." Pink said carefully.
"That's not a good idea, Gold." Silver warned.
Maybe, but you guys deserve better, Hawks replied obstinately. You can only come out when we're Ennea, or if you're pretending to be me. That isn't fair. You deserve better. Besides,what are they going to do? Call me crazy? Try to lock me in a psych ward? Report me to the Commission who already hates my guts? Actually, I hope they do so we could weasel out their agents at UA…
"For the hundredth time, there are no Commission agents at UA." Green said tiredly.
Right.
"Do I even need to say that I know you don't believe me?"
Hmm. Hawks turned away from the view of the empty sky and stared at the car ceiling instead. Do you want to do this? It would give you more time to do things other than sit in the dorms or missions.
He could feel their reluctance. But he could also feel their desire. Having a body to call their own was something one did not think they took for granted until they found themselves without them. Their discomfort slowly shifted towards agreement and Hawks himself felt an odd sense of... acceptance, like something was finally normal for once. Sure they would have to use his body more but what else was new? He remembered Mockingjay's warning and quickly cut off that line of thought.
"Before we do that..." Red's presence shivered nervously. "I think we need to discuss something."
"About time." Orange huffed. "I'm sick of you being twitchy and moping around."
"Orange." Silver admonished.
Red ignored them. "Silver, do you recall our mission with Nighteye?"
"How could I forget? We rescued Eri." Silver said promptly. "What does—?"
"White, where did you learn that move to disarm an opponent?" Red interrupted.
"From Gunhead." White responded. He paused. "Wait, I never—"
"Orange, how did you train?"
"What kind of stupid question is that?" Orange demanded. "I picked up garbage at Dago..." He trailed off.
Red's voice remained level. "Yellow, what can you tell me about iron and its structure?"
"Iron, a lustrous, ductile, malleable silver-grey metal of group VIII on the periodic table. Atomic number 26, has an atomic weight of 55.847 and an electron configuration of 3d6 4s2—" Yellow stopped. "Um."
"What the hell." Orange breathed.
"Red?" Green demanded.
Red took a shuddering breath. "I think we're losing track of ourselves. We're not merging or anything— I… I think?— but we seem to be taking on pieces of each other along with some memories too. When we talked about Aizawa's expulsion threats, Purple said 'our' class when he was never in Class 1-A."
Purple's alarm lanced through them like a whip before he contained it.
"Green keeps having bouts of Purple-like cynicism and disbelief in people." Pink said suddenly. "No offense, Purple."
"None taken."
"Yellow's been thinking more critically." Orange input rather callously.
"Orange has been nicer." Yellow shot back. His yelp suggested Orange had either smacked or tackled him.
"Stop joking!" Pink snapped. "This is serious!" She faltered and her panic choked Hawks. "Is that me?"
"Yes it is." Yellow reassured her hastily.
"How do you know?" Pink asked, voice trembling.
"I... er... Well, it's obvious...?"
"There are other instances of crossover. Gold was very nervous when he called Tensei." Silver mentioned quickly. "Green-like nervous."
"There's also Gold's irrational trust of Aizawa and Fatgum despite not knowing them for long." Purple added lowly.
Green moaned. "Great. Just what we needed. We already knew about the merging feelings and memory-sharing but this..."
"This is not sharing memories. This is our memories transferring to each other so we believe they are our own." White said solemnly. "How much more will it continue to affect us?"
Hawks turned his head towards the window and hoped Shatterpoint did not notice the horrified look on his face. He took a breath and exhaled, watching it fog up the window.
This is just another reason to let you out more. We need to keep our individuality.
"We're not losing it." Orange snarled.
Hawks could not tell if it was a promise or a desperate claim. I know. So… what do you think?
He felt the voices converse among themselves.
"I admit… being out more would be nice." Red said.
"And it's not like their first conclusion will be 'time travelers.'" Purple mused.
"Isn't that a bad thing?" Pink asked.
"Not if our enemy finds out."
"Point taken."
"To hell with what others think of us." Yellow said cheerily. "We have a world to save!"
Hawks smiled and desperately hoped the optimism he felt was his own.
Shatterpoint pulled up outside of UA— which was free of reporters, the lucky jerks— and put the car in park. Hawks got out but before he could shut the door, Shatterpoint caught his eye.
"Hawks. Whatever happens, we have your back. All of us."
Hawks blinked at him in surprise and felt himself relax. "Thanks."
He shut the door and Shatterpoint drove off. Before Hawks could worry about being locked outside of the grounds— being kidnapped in front of UA would not be a good look for any Heroic party involved— Aizawa appeared and ushered him inside.
"Hey." Hawks greeted. He glanced around, looking for a messy head of white hair. "Where is Eri?"
"With a student." Aizawa said briefly.
Translation: he did not want Hawks to know. Again. It was starting to become a pattern. Did Hawks do something wrong then, so now he could not see Eri? Or did Aizawa think she needed to be kept out of the line of fire since the Commission would be out for Hawks? He hid a wince and walked alongside Aizawa towards the teachers' housing.
"Someone I know?" he asked carefully.
Aizawa shrugged, hands comfortably placed in his pockets."Probably not. But your… friends do."
Hawks narrowed his eyes. "Your tone suggests he is a very punchable person."
"And there's some Orange."
"Yellow." Pink said shakily. "Will you please not."
"About them..." Hawks chewed on his lip and lowered his voice. "Do you think you could try to find a Quirk that could help my… friends get their own bodies?"
The voices' surprise reverberated through him.
"What." Green asked flatly.
Hawks held up a hand to stall Aizawa and turned his attention inward. Sorry for not discussing it with you beforehand, but you know you shouldn't have to stay in here forever, right? And… I know they're your past selves, but it doesn't feel right putting you in their bodies. This Shoto and Iida had so many different experiences than White and Silver. They could be considered… I don't know, 'alternate selves' or something by this point. And who knows about the rest of your… other selves.
Green was at a loss for words. "That's true but… we..."
Hawks waited patiently but only got vague feelings of bewilderment. He identified the source. Your mission will be completed someday. You'll save the future. When that happens, you can live your lives. You deserve better than to be stuck in my head until I die.
Their stunned silence turned into consideration.
Hawks nodded to Aizawa to indicate he was done talking with his head-roommates.
"We may not be able to find a Quirk capable of such a transfer." Aizawa warned. "At best, there may be multiple Quirks needed, which means multiple parties must be involved. One to create a permanent body and one to successfully transfer the mind, at least. The closest person I know of with such a Quirk is Twice, and his clones are fragile and temporary."
"It's just something to start thinking about." Hawks replied easily. "Until then, my friends want to be out more. And I'd like them to be, too."
There was a long, uncomfortable pause before Aizawa spoke, voice equally low. "Are you implying what I think you are? Telling my coworkers about the future is too risky—"
"I don't want to tell them about the future." Hawks hastened to correct him. "I just want to let my headspace roommates out every once in a while. I'll let your coworkers draw their own conclusions."
Aizawa frowned. "That may not be wise—"
"It's not about wisdom. It's about letting my friends have some freedom." Hawks said stubbornly. "And if your friends are as good as you say, they won't hurt me, no matter what they think."
That was a bit of a low blow but Hawks wanted to see his reaction. If Aizawa said no, it implied his fellow teachers were not to be trusted, reinforcing the fears Hawks denied he had.
"You'd let them think you have multiple personalities." Aizawa stated flatly.
Hawks nodded. "I'm tired of pretending to be fine. I'm tired of having to sneak around. They are too. With the whole… Commission issue, things haven't exactly gone our way lately. We're all so… so…" He felt his shoulders slump. "…tired."
Aizawa slowly leaned forward and put a hand on his arm. "Don't forget you've put Shigaraki away." he said lowly. "Overhaul as well. You're changing things for the better. I cannot imagine how stressful it must be to live like you are, but you've been performing beyond what everyone would expect of you."
Hawks did not know what to say to that so he decided to say nothing at all until they were safely in Aizawa's apartment. Though Hawks had previously thought Rumi's apartment was safe too, and look how that ended up.
Hawks's heart crawled into his throat but he cleared it. "Uh. I hate to be an awful guest and drop this on you but my friends told me something important recently and I didn't want to say it over the phone—"
"You are not telling him about Shirakumo!" Green snapped.
Hawks flinched. I wasn't going to. Traitor, remember?
Green deflated. "Right. Sorry."
Hawks blinked and realized Aizawa was looking at him expectantly. He could not meet his gaze and instead tried to look down at his own lap, only for his eyes to inadvertently flick to Aizawa's face once more. "There's a traitor at UA. We don't know who it is but… they're likely a staff member or in Class 1-B or 1-A."
Aizawa did not react outwardly to the news that one of his friends or precious students may be working for the villains. "The USJ incident."
Hawks managed not to look at the scar below Aizawa's eye. "Yeah."
Aizawa remained seemingly unaffected. "I see. I assume your eight friends are innocent."
"Definitely. There's no assumption needed." Hawks reassured him. "We had no mental barriers at first and everything was open. We would've found out if any of them were the traitor." He tipped his head in thought. "If the League finds out about me being 'schizophrenic', we might be able to narrow down the suspects to the teachers."
"That could be beneficial." Aizawa murmured.
"…Also I accidentally told Fumikage Tokoyami about the Commission's reconditioning habits." Hawks whispered.
Red flickered to life in Aizawa's eyes. "Why?" he snarled with utter vitriol.
Hawks honestly wished he could sink into the floor. "He said the phrase we use if we're being sent to reconditioning." he said, voice going toneless as he gave his report of his failure. "I panicked and realized he wasn't in danger, but explained it to him."
Hawks could see Aizawa take a deep breath.
For an irrational moment, he thought Aizawa might actually grab him, or shake him, or even strike him. Hawks did not apologize for his mistake, though he shifted back and tensed. He knew he messed up but apologies were useless in this type of encounter. He also knew from experience that expecting an apology to defuse the situation— like a free pass to forgiveness— would only make things worse. So he held his breath and waited, watching for sudden movements and red eyes.
But Aizawa was not the Commission, and no matter how angry he was, he did not raise a hand against Hawks. It did not mean he was okay with this news.
"Do you realize what danger you've—"
Hawks forced his expression to remain neutral but he must have let something slip onto his face because Aizawa stopped. In fact, he deflated.
"I'm not going to hurt you."
Hawks avoided his eyes. Black eyes. "I never thought—"
"So you're shrinking away and sitting on the corner of the couch for no reason?" Aizawa asked flatly.
"I wasn't going to run." Hawks denied truthfully.
Aizawa seemed to age another ten years. "Eri does that, too."
Hawks nibbled on his lip and forced himself not to bite through it.
"Please don't compare us." he said as politely as he could manage.
Aizawa inclined his head. "So the Commission may target Tokoyami specifically then?"
Hawks's throat closed up and he nodded mutely.
A crease appeared between Aizawa's eyebrows. "Has a Hero been sent to watch over him and his family?"
Hawks nodded again. His phone vibrated and he yanked it out of his pocket. It was a text from Mockingjay.
'Found her. Stay where you are.'
The knots in Hawks's chest loosened up. He put his phone in his pocket again. Rumi is okay.
The crease grew deeper. "You did not speak."
In an instant, it felt like all the energy Hawks had left was torn out of him. The knots came back full force, squeezing his heart and lungs. He stared listlessly at Aizawa and showed him the message from Mockingjay before turning inward.
Sorry. Could someone step in? I need a second…
Pink gave a distressed sound. "No no no. You're doing fine—"
Hawks's vision went grey.
XXXXXXX
Aizawa watched the light fade from Hawks's eyes. Before he could do more than pull out his phone, fingers poised to call Recovery Girl, a shudder passed through Hawks and he blinked. His shoulders slumped and he slouched against the back of the couch, arms crossed.
"Hey, Sensei."
Aizawa processed everything from the posture to the subtle lilts in speech. "…Purple?"
Shinso smiled wearily. "Yes, it's me. Gold drifted. Honestly, I expected him to slip away sooner than this. He's a bit stressed."
Aizawa kept his expression neutral so he would not stare. The change in Hawks was so obvious Aizawa had to wonder how no one else had figured out he wasn't himself all the time. Everything from the sarcastic drawl Purple spoke with to the way he comfortably sat like nothing in the world could bother him screamed Hitoshi Shinso.
"Did something else happen?" Aizawa asked.
Shinso— Purple nodded. "The Commission stuff, obviously. And he feels guilty about Tokoyami." There was no judgment in Purple's voice but Aizawa could not say he wasn't being accused of increasing that stress. "Mockingjay caught Green and figured out he wasn't Gold. Gold told her the truth but she doesn't believe us. I think it hit him harder than he wants to admit." Purple scowled. "Plus we found out we have to work with Endeavor on a case…"
Aizawa's eyes narrowed. "What does Endeavor have to do with anything?"
Purple cocked his head and sealed his lips with a zipping motion. That move was a more Hawks-like one. "Not my thing to share."
He spoke with dry amusement, like he said a secret joke only he was privy to, but his eyes glittered calculatingly as if he were gauging Aizawa's reaction. Aizawa knew his apprentice. Shinso would not let that slip by accident. He continued to stare.
Purple sighed loudly and shifted to lay his arms along the back of the couch. "Yes, this is weird. Yes, I can see your face twitching." He raised a golden eyebrow. "If we're going to do this, you should get used to it. We need someone to pretend we're normal."
Despite himself, Aizawa snorted. "Trust me when I say you are far from the strangest case I've seen in my life."
Purple's lips curved upward. "I really missed you, Sensei. We all did."
"How did I die?" Aizawa asked bluntly.
Purple looked him right in the eye. "Trying to save someone you cared about."
It wasn't an answer but it said a lot.
Aizawa did not continue to press him. "Did Hawks share if he wanted to tell Eri about his friends?"
Purple shook his head adamantly. "He doesn't. If we tell Eri she might be able to identify us as Ennea. The original Ennea, I mean. We don't want her to have to carry that secret."
Aizawa stared at him, unblinking. "...What."
Purple scratched his cheek, and chuckled. "Oh yeah. We forgot to mention that to you. Whoops."
Aizawa's eye twitched.
XXXXXXX
When Tokoyami received a text from Hawks telling him they should meet about the project he was struggling with, he nearly flew out the door.
Nearly, because he stopped himself just in time, reminding himself of his situation. He knew what Hawks had implied about the Commission. He had seen the reports claiming Hawks had been brutally attacked by a 'Villain'. His 'second or third cousin' and her betrothed had arrived a few hours later and Tokoyami could put two and two together. So he grabbed a bag and put random homework in it for his 'project'. Then he went up to his 'cousin'— who had black hair in a hime cut and red eyes much like his own father— and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Ai, I hate to be a bother but I need to meet with Hawks at UA. Could you…?"
"I will take you there." she said softly.
He thanked her and hurried to tell his parents where he was going. Ai's betrothed stayed with his parents while Ai drove him. And the two may actually be engaged to be married. It was difficult to tell whether that aspect was part of their cover or not.
The car ride was not as awkward as Tokoyami thought it may be. Ai was not the most talkative person, being rather reserved and quiet, unlike her partner who was walking sunshine. Literally. If Tokoyami did not know better, he may wonder if Hikaru was the first Quirk user. Yet unlike the baby that could radiate light from his body, Hikaru's powers were more like a sun or fireball, covering them with a fiery, shifting glow that hid most of their features.
Ai's partner would not be out of place in Endeavor's Hero Agency, though Tokoyami was hesitant to ask if that was where the two Heroes were from. And if they were, why where they here and not guarding Shoto and his family?
"You have questions." Ai noted in that soft, reserved voice of hers.
Tokoyami fiddled with his bag. "Yes."
"You may ask."
"Of course." He cleared his throat. "Do you know if Iida and Todoroki— Hawks's other interns— have… family visiting as well?"
"Tenya Iida does, though the Iida family is strong." Ai informed him. "They are there just in case. As for the Todorokis, they were turned away by Endeavor. He claims he needs no protection."
Tokoyami was not too sure about that. He knew Endeavor was strong and only Fuyumi and Shoto tended to be at the Todoroki home if his classmate's vague statements about his home life were any indication, but surely extra help could only be a good idea?
Ai pulled up to UA and Tokoyami got out. He opened his mouth to thank her for the ride, only for Ai to exit the vehicle as well. He accepted her presence and walked through the gate, heading towards the teachers' dorms. Aizawa met him at the door.
Dark eyes flicked to Ai and black eyebrows rose. "Darksphere."
"Eraserhead." she replied.
Tokoyami looked back and forth between them. "You've met."
"She's another Underground Hero." Aizawa said. "How is Sunfire?"
"Unbelievably cheerful." Ai said stoically. "And my betrothed."
Aizawa's lips curled the tiniest bit. "Congratulations."
Tokoyami still could not tell of they were actually together or not. Was he just oblivious?
Aizawa continued to block the doorway and pinned Tokoyami with a sharp stare. "Think before you speak, Tsukoyomi."
Tokoyami blinked at the warning, thoughts burning with confused questions. They vanished when he saw Hawks sitting on the couch.
The pictures he'd seen online did not give the full weight of how bad Hawks looked. He was nearly as pale as the walls behind him, which made the dark bruises on his face and throat stand out all the more. In places, his contusions were nearly the same color as Tokoyami's feathers. Hawks sat stiffly in a way that kept his wings away from the back of the couch. They were tattered like they had been when he first returned, with feathers bent and out of place. It looked as if someone had grabbed his wings and dug their giant fingers in. If the reports were any indication, that was not far from the truth.
Yet the worst part was not Hawks's injuries, but his forlorn expression. Gone was the smile Tokoyami was used to seeing. Gone was the joyful, mischievous light in Hawks's eyes. He did not appear to notice that Tokoyami had arrived. Instead he stared at the wall with an exhausted look on his face.
Gold eyes abruptly moved to Tokoyami and Hawks smiled. He immediately looked better, but Tokoyami could not fully believe it was real.
Hawks's mouth moved but no sound came out.
Tokoyami recognized a greeting, however. "Hello, Hawks-sensei."
He glanced back and noticed Aizawa speaking lowly with Ai in the hall. He sat across from Hawks and placed his bag beside him.
Hawks shot it a questioning look.
"I thought it wise to bring school work."
Hawks smiled. His mouth moved and he paused. A horrified look crossed his face and his pale cheeks gained splotches of red.
"Sor...ry." He said as if it physically hurt to speak. "Forget to… speak sometimes. When stressed."
"It is alright." Tokoyami said even though it was not alright at all.
He knew Hawks had been tortured. How bad was his mental health because of that? Witnesses had heard screaming. Hawks had been in enough pain to scream loudly enough for others to hear him, but no one had gone to help.
Tokoyami tried to tell himself they were civilians who stood little chance against whatever could incapacitate a Pro Hero but he could not pretend to be fine with their lack of had not even contacted the Hero Network or police. Had they thought someone else would do something?
Tokoyami cut off that line of thought and asked the biggest question consuming his thoughts. "Did the Commission do this to you?"
Hawks's golden eyes dulled and he nodded.
"Did they make you disappear?"
He shook his head and bit his lip, eyes widening with alarm as he looked at Tokoyami. The Hero student was not foolish. He knew what his mentor was thinking about. Before Tokoyami could do more than acknowledge the lump of fear in his throat, Hawks seemed to shake himself.
"We need to talk about that." He said as if he'd never had trouble speaking a few minutes ago. Hawks leaned forward, gaze sharp. "Have you told anyone about what you learned?"
Tokoyami shook his head. "No."
"Good. Keep it that way."
Tokoyami opened his mouth to object.
"What would telling your classmates do?"
Tokoyami hesitated. "They'd… know the Commission cannot be trusted."
"And?" Hawks asked patiently. "How would that benefit a clandestine investigation?"
"You're investigating them?" Tokoyami asked.
"Not me." Hawks corrected. "But other Heroes. I… suppose it was inevitable." His eyes closed wearily but he shook himself again, and when they opened Tokoyami could see his eyes were still a little unfocused. "Don't you worry about me, you hear? The Pros are handling guard detail."
"I want to help." Tokoyami protested.
Hawks's hand landed on his head and he ruffled his feathers. "I know. But this is not your responsibility. You're still a student, and a kid. Let the adults try to bring down this Villain, okay?" He paused and a shocked look crossed his face as if he could not believe what he just said. Then he smiled. It was real this time. Real, but terribly sad. "I know it's frustrating but could you let me keep you away from them? They've already hurt too many kids."
Tokoyami could not argue against that. "Fine." He said reluctantly. "But if you're in trouble you'll tell me, right? I swear I'll get help instead of trying to act on my own."
"Mayb…" Hawks trailed off, eyes glazing slightly. "Okay. I'll hold you to that." He chuckled. "Did you learn from me after all?"
"Yes." Tokoyami said firmly.
Hawks's eyes flipped wide as if he had not expected a genuine response. He cleared his throat. "Well you're in luck. In case you missed it, I get to teach you again, fledgling."
"I am overjoyed." Tokoyami said gravely. "But please do not call me that horrible nickname in front of my class. After all, us bird people need to stick together."
The blinding grin Hawks gave him brought All Might's to shame.
XXXXXXX
Hawks returned to his office to sleep that night. It wasn't like he could go back to Miruko's— and he doubted he would be able to sleep there anyway— so it was the only thing he could do. When he arrived, Miruko stood at his desk, flipping through one of the folders he knew he had put away. Hawks hardly cared.
"Rumi! You're okay!" He ran up to her only to hesitate. "...Are you okay?"
Miruko set the folder down and smiled at him. There were tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry." She abruptly moved in and hugged him. "I'm so sorry."
Hawks blinked in confusion but soon realized what she was thinking. "It wasn't you. I angered them on my own."
"Do you really believe that?" Miruko asked thickly. "Or are you in denial again?"
That stung. Hawks did not let it show. "I'm sure it was me. I told them no and they reacted like I should have expected."
Her arms tightened. "Hawks, Amplifier almost killed you this time."
"No he didn't." Hawks reassured her. He tried to shift out of her grip but she did not let him go. He resigned himself to staying there. "Look at the bright side. I'm officially on their hit list so you don't need to go on that mission."
"What will they do to you?" Miruko asked quietly.
Hawks shrugged with feigned apathy.
"Hawks."
"Kill me, if I'm lucky." Hawks said blithely. "Recondition me or use me for parts if I'm not." He saw her expression. "Hey, I'm not going to let them catch me so you don't need to worry."
"'Letting' usually isn't a factor." She clenched her jaw. "I'm still doing that mission."
Hawks scowled. "You don't have to—"
"If I do, they'll be a little less pissed at you." She continued as if he had not spoken.
Hawks's fingers clenched. "So now I'm playing rebel while you become a Commission lackey? No."
"Too bad I didn't ask for your opinion." Miruko said coldly.
"This isn't about opinions." Hawks snapped. "You could die, Rumi!"
"Well, you will die!" Miruko exploded. Her expression crumpled. "And it'll be my fault."
Hawks's fluffed feathers went flat. "I doubt that. You didn't make me say no, Rumi."
"It's not that." She sank on the couch and put her head in her hands. He sat beside her and waited as the minutes ticked by. "I've been investigating the Commission."
Hawks sighed. "I know—"
"—ever since you disappeared." Miruko's voice dropped to a whisper. "I thought they might have vanished you and looked for proof. Instead I found… everything else. Apparently someone noticed." She slowly reached out and ran a hand through his hair. "If they catch you, they'll give you to him again, won't they?"
Hawks's fingertips went cold but he forced out a fake-confused "Hmm?"
Miruko just looked more distraught. "Why didn't you tell me, Baby Bird?"
Although he knew he was only delaying the inevitable, Hawks played dumb. "Tell you what?"
"What Kaetsu did to you. What the Commission let him do to you."
She doesn't know everything. If she did, the Commission HQ would no longer be standing.
Hawks tensed despite that self-reassurance, though he did not shift away from her. "He didn't do anything—"
"Fearful Fantasy." Miruko said.
Hawks's mouth went dry. "Stop."
"That's his Quirk." Miruko continued.
Hawks's heart hammered. "Stop."
"...Gold?" Green asked worriedly.
"It lets him identify his targets' fears through scent and manifest them into reality while giving him a sense of euphoria. When you were sixteen he—"
"Stop." Hawks choked.
Miruko stopped. Guilt flashed across her face. "Sorry. I shouldn't have..."
Hawks's lips twisted into a smile. "It's fine. Nothing happened."
Miruko started petting his hair again. The movement was soothing and he felt himself relax.
"It wasn't your—"
"Nothing happened." Hawks whispered.
She didn't argue so they sat in silence. He reached for a feather but she guided his hand away.
Hawks's eyes stung but he did not cry. Heroes did not cry. "So… um. Where were you today, Rumi?"
"I was following a lead." she said vaguely.
"Should I ask?"
Miruko shook her head.
"Is it him?" Hawks asked quietly despite knowing the Commission had no bugs here.
She did not answer.
Hawks looked down at his lap. "Did Mockingjay tell you about Amplifier?"
"Yeah."
"Do you have to pay for your broken door?"
"No."
He bit his lip. "Did you find a new apartment?"
"I have one in mind." she said, not mentioning that it was his fault she had to move.
Hawks swallowed an apology. "So apparently I'm moving to UA."
Her steely gaze softened. "They'll keep you as safe as they can."
Hawks blinked rapidly. They shouldn't. "And what about you?"
"Don't you worry about me." Rumi said, and Hawks was reminded of his own words to Tokoyami earlier that day. "You worry only about you, okay? I am not going to reprimand you for thinking about yourself."
Hawks bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. "I—"
"I'm not going to punish you for refusing to say yes." she continued.
"Rumi, I didn't—"
"I'm not going to demand you talk to me, but I'm here for you. Always. No judgment. No punishments. No lectures." She petted his head. "You're allowed to take care of yourself and stretch your wings, Baby Bird."
Hawks blinked with his human eyelids. Weirdly, his sight grew blurry. "I don't need you to tell me that."
"Okay." She murmured.
They sat in silence and she kept combing her fingers through his hair. It was probably a stupid bird thing but he felt perfectly content to let her. He really was a baby bird.
"Hawks…" Miruko stopped brushing his hair. "If you wanted to do the right thing, but knew people would get hurt because you did it, would you still do it?"
Hawks studied her features but none of her thoughts showed on her shadowed face. "It depends." he said. "Do those people know you're doing the 'right' thing?"
"The important ones do."
"Will it help people?" he emphasized.
"Yes. But… the people who it will help are also ones that could get hurt."
"You're not usually so cryptic." Hawks murmured. "Does this have to do with your mission? I told you, you don't need to do it."
She did not argue. She just smiled at him. He desperately wished it wasn't so sad.
He leaned on her shoulder and curled up against her side, like he used to when he was a Pro Hero fresh out of the Commission's dungeon, terrified of showing weakness but so desperate for any type of affection he thought punishment may be worth it. Except that. Anything but Kaetsu was an acceptable price. Anything he could give, anyway.
"Promise you won't die." Hawks whispered.
"I won't." Miruko said, equally softly. "Promise you won't die."
"I won't." he said back.
They both hoped they could uphold that vow.
XXXXXXX
A/N: As I said last time, this was originally the latter half of the previous chapter but I split it in two.
I'm going to be super-busy so expect replies to questions to be late.
Next update will be out the 23rd-ish.
