The week went by as quickly as a thawing glacier as day rolled into night rolled into day again. He was coming around to McGonagall's analogy of love being like a broken rib. It was indeed, pure agony when he took a breath. Sometimes, the first thing in the morning, he could almost forget that she was no longer in his life. Then his aching bones and tired, gritty eyes would reawaken the hellish anguish again. He moped around the castle, unable to find joy in the smallest thing.
Hermione, Ginny and Luna had resumed their furtive glances at him during lessons and their time spent in the library. He avoided the common room as much as possible, knowing that she would probably be there with Blaise and Theo. His eyes still sought out the green and purple of her hair when he walked into a room. He could tell instantly whenever she was around, like a sixth sense, feeling her energy as they orbited each other.
Theo and Blaise still greeted him and asked after him, but it was clear that their loyalty was to her, and he appreciated that. He always had done. It was good to know that she had people that had her back. A few times, he heard mutterings and whispers about them as they passed. The old insults rearing their ugly heads again. Now that they were no longer together, it was assumed that the old rivalries were back in place. Neville made sure that he silenced anyone who dared insult any of them, earning several detentions thanks to his suddenly-acquired temper.
He stared out the window as he sat alone at one of the tables in the library. Almost a week had gone by since the letter had arrived and it felt as devastating as it had the moment Pansy had opened it. He watched as the sun began its descent behind the mountains. Luna and Ginny were normally with him for the last period on a Tuesday, but Ginny was at Quidditch practice training for their next big game against Slytherin. She was like a woman possessed as she put the team through their paces. She actually reminded Neville a lot of Oliver Wood.
Ginny had been virtually inconsolable after their defeat against the badgers earlier in the school year. Apparently, the new Gryffindor beaters were not the greatest at following orders, and their keeper was afraid of being hit by the Quaffle. She was obsessed about beating the Slytherins as the old snake and lion rivalry rose to the fore.
He looked down at his book and sighed. Hermione was impressed with his sudden studious nature and had shocked her further when he had told her that he was up to date with everything but that days work. What she didn't know was that he wasn't sleeping. He was working through the night to get his work done and to stop his mind going to the places where he feared to tread. He sometimes dozed in the library, but the nightmares usually made long naps impossible. He mostly just used coffee and pepperup potions to keep the sleep, and more importantly, the dreams at bay.
His pillows still seemed to smell of her, and it broke his heart. How could he sleep when every cell in his body was aware of her absence? Both in his bed and in his life. He always knew that he would get hurt falling for her, but she had been worth it. He stared at his trembling fists, quivering with the tension he seemed to radiate with now. He opened them and stretched out his fingers as he worked out the stress, ignoring the small bloody crescent moons in his palms. .
"May I sit with you?" A voice from next to him asked. He turned to the sound and stared in surprise and indignation, unable to formulate a response that wasn't cruel or rude.
Hannah stood next to him, holding a pile of books. She looked the image of sweetness and light as her hair was pulled back with a clip. Neville couldn't find it in himself to talk to her. He turned away and focused on the book in front of him, chewing on the inside of his lip. She pulled out the chair opposite and moved to sit.
"Don't!" was all he could say as he threw out his hand to warn her off. She sat down anyway. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. With his lack of sleep and sour mood, he knew that any conversation would take a turn for the worst. Even conversations with his friends were kept to a minimum.
"Hear me out, please." She said as she slid her books out of the way. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."
Neville looked at his fingers as he let her speak, the taste of blood fresh in his mouth from a particularly strong bite.
"What I did was unkind and unnecessary. I over-reacted and ended up hurting you. When I went out with Stephen, it was supposed to make you jealous. I didn't know he would use it as an excuse to bully you."
Neville took a deep breath hoping that he could keep his volatile temper under wraps.
"Now that both She and Stephen are out of the picture," She struggled to keep the distaste from her tone as she mentioned Pansy. "I wondered whether it was too late to maybe reconnect? We were so good together," She continued carefully as she tried to slide her hand towards his. He looked at it and began to laugh. The audacity just seemed too ridiculous to not laugh. He hadn't cracked so much as a smile in almost a week, and it seemed to smash the floodgate wide open. Tears began to pool in his eyes and run down his face as the laughter suffocated him. Even when Madam Pince shushed him, he couldn't seem to stop.
He fought to keep it together long enough to grab his bag and leave. Ignoring the glare, the librarian gave him as he went. He continued to chuckle as he stumbled down the corridor until finally he was done. He leant on a window ledge and felt the laughter echo around the cavernous void within him. His heart hurt worse than it had, as a sudden, stabbing pain filled him. "Nev, wait!" She called from further down the corridor. He shook his head as he got to his feet and continued back towards Lumos Tower.
He continued up the stairs until he was in the quiet of the common room. The place appeared deserted as he tried to escape towards the boy's dorms.
"Nev, Will you stop? You know I have trouble keeping up!"
"Then, just stop. Stop and leave me alone!" He said into the silence of the room.
"But, I thought we-" Neville smiled as he turned. He knew it wasn't a pleasant smile by the way she recoiled back from him, surprise in her eyes.
"I don't care!" It felt like such a cathartic experience to finally say it. Something so freeing to expose the truth. It felt almost visceral as he let his thoughts blurt out. He had tried to warn her, but if she wanted to have this conversation, he was going to give it to her, warts and all.
"What?" She asked, her eyes wide in surprise.
"I said I don't care. I don't care what you thought, I don't care what you think. I don't care what you say or do. You screwed me over and manipulated me. Anything that comes out of your mouth is either going to be lies or something to make me feel sorry for you, and I just couldn't give a fuck about any of it!" He shook his head and shrugged.
"Neville!" She spluttered at the curse. "I knew she was a bad influence on you! You would never have spoken to me like this before she came along and corrupted you!" She huffed
"Don't you dare even mention her!" He growled as he pointed at her. "And No, You're right! I wouldn't have done, because you had me twisted around your little finger, doubting myself, doubting my friends. You had me nice and submissive and dependant." He pushed his hand through his hair as he sighed. "You did me a favour when you humiliated me a dumped me. I've seen who you really are and it's something I can't unsee."
Neville let out a breath and shook his head as he turned back to the stairs.
"You'll regret this." She said as tears started down her cheeks. "I only ever wanted to make you happy. I could see what she was doing to you, changing you into someone you're not, swearing, drinking, sex? That isn't the sweet, innocent Neville, I know. I'm glad that her parents stepped in. I'm just sorry that they didn't get involved sooner!"
Something niggled at his brain as she stomped past him towards the stairs.
"You're just jealous because she actually made me happy, whereas you just made me think I should be. What we had was a farce, and I'm glad it's over."
She started to sob as she walked away. "My sweet Neville would never have been this cruel!"
"Your sweet Neville only existed in your imagination." He retorted as she disappeared up the stairs.
He took a deep breath as he fell into the nearest chair. He shook his head as he reviewed what had just happened. He was now positive that she was a few wrackspurts short of a nest. He snorted at the nerve of the girl, trying to smooth over their relationship. He felt like it would be akin to trying to fill and smooth over the grand canyon. He stood up after a while and went to his bed.
Something else he hadn't been doing was eating. The thought of eating turned his stomach as he collapsed on his bed. He wondered whether he could get any sleep tonight. He didn't even bother changing out of his clothes as he kicked off his shoes and pulled his curtain closed.
He held his head against the pillow, hemmed in by his arms as he tried to blot out the world. And before he knew it, sleep had swept him away in a painful cloud of black cherries and violets.
