Beca is still fighting the chill in her spine when she pushes the door of their apartment open. The car ride home was silent. She has too many thoughts moving around inside her head to get any of the words out. She steps inside and watches Lucy's little face pop up from the couch. Her eyes flicker back and forth between Beca and Anderson before sitting back in her spot, safely in the comfort of Chloe's arms.
Chloe hasn't stopped rubbing circles on her back, even though they too have been sitting in silence.
"Hi baby." Beca says, her tone a sullen shell of what it normally is.
Chloe gets up and hugs Beca. They hold each other for a long, silent moment. Anderson keeps his distance, standing awkwardly in the corner with his hands in his pockets. Chloe moves to hug him too.
"Thanks for bringing her home."
"Of course. Is there anything else I can do, anything you guys need?"
"No, we're good. Thanks." Beca says, not taking her eyes off of Lucy who is doing her best to keep her head down, eyes on the carpet.
"Sure, keep me posted, alright?"
Beca nods and he shows himself out. Chloe takes her seat again. Lucy clings to her even tighter now. She knows that Beca being here means she's about to hear something big. Beca sits on the coffee table in front of them and taps her finger on Lucy's knee but she still doesn't look up.
"They got him."
Lucy feels all the heat in her body flush to her cheeks and tears prick at her eyes. She clenches her jaw tighter and keeps her head still. Beca and Chloe share a look. Chloe nods and Beca tries again.
"They arrested Gardner today. He came to my work and they got him there. He won't bother us anymore."
The silence stretches, making Beca and Chloe worry. Lucy gets up and rushes out of the room. Chloe starts to get up to follow but Beca grabs her arm to stop her.
"Just let her go."
Chloe sits up straighter and takes Beca's hands in her own. She looks directly into her eyes when she speaks.
"Are you okay?"
Beca lets out a slow exhale, "Yeah, I am. I'm relieved."
Another long silence plagues the room until Chloe lets out an audible sigh and asks,
"What did we do to deserve this?"
Beca shakes her head slowly, "Not sure, but it's over now."
—
It's been a few hours, and there still has been no sign of Lucy, not even a small tap or rustle of sheets inside her bedroom. Beca knocks on the door and waits for a response. When she doesn't get one, she isn't all that surprised, but she still has to take in a deep breath, and hold it there, to keep her heart from beating any faster. She twists the handle and pushes the door forward gently. She peeks her head through the door, Lucy is sitting on the window seat, staring through the fogged up glass. She doesn't move, doesn't even let her eyes shift to see who it is. She's like a statue.
Beca walks over and sits on the bed, right in front of her. She waits, just in case Lucy wants to say something.
"Lucy."
It's quiet, but firm. She still doesn't move. Her eyes follow a bird that's building a nest on the ledge outside. Beca can see that she has drawn a heart in the fog, but it's started to drip little water droplets down into the metal of the window pane.
"Lucy." This time it's louder.
Beca needs her to look at her, she needs eye contact when she talks to her so she can be sure she hears what she has to say. She reaches over and grabs her hand.
"Scout."
This time Lucy looks at her. Beca knows she reacts differently to the nickname ever since their dad died; it pulls at her heart now. It's a knee jerk reaction, like if she answers quickly enough, it will be Daniel saying her name somehow.
"They got him."
A quiet 'How?' Pulls at Lucy's lips but she doesn't let it out. She keeps her gaze on Beca's forehead, listening as she continues speaking.
"They found out he had been hiding in a hotel downtown near Brooklyn. He's in jail."
Lucy purses her lips tighter and scratches at her jeans with her thumbnail.
"They got him."
Beca waits for the tears, the same relieved sob that she gave, for it to fully sink in, but she's met with nothing. The blank emotionless stare that has met her every time she's looked at her sister in the past few days.
"Did you hear me?"
Lucy's eyes flit to Beca's for a second and she knows she did. She stands and kisses her head before walking out of the room.
"What did she say?" Chloe asks, arms crossed, leaning against the wall.
"What do you think?" Beca spits out angrily.
"She's still not talking."
Beca sighs and lets her shoulders slump before walking by her into the living room.
—
Beca spends a majority of the day on the phone; with Matt, with the lawyers, with the head of security. Chloe keeps her place at the kitchen counter, watching Beca pace the length of the apartment, looking about ready to pull her hair out. She hears the hesitation and crackling in her voice as she 'Uh-huh's' and 'mhm's' her way through conversations. She watches her fingernails get down to the nubs as she chews at them, and watches her eyes droop more and more with every sentence.
This whole situation is almost too much to bear. It's exhausting and awful and daunting, insurmountable even. Then again, they've felt this way about everything since the day of the accident, and here they are, still here.
When Beca finally hangs up the phone, done with calls for the day, she sighs, runs her fingers through her hair and looks at Chloe.
"If it makes you feel any better, I ordered Chinese for dinner." She says with a shrug.
Beca, despite all of the feelings swirling around inside her, smiles and sits on the stool next to her.
"It does."
Chloe lets out a little laugh. If she's being honest, it feels weird, it doesn't feel like it will fit in the space, not with all the tension and discomfort in the air.
"Any luck?" Beca asks, pointing to Chloe's laptop, still sitting open on the counter.
"I got a couple names, made a few calls, I'm hoping one of them fits."
"Yeah, hopefully."
Dinner goes quietly, Lucy refuses to come out of her room. Chloe and Beca eat in near silence at the kitchen table, then move to watch a movie in the living room. Neither of them really watch, too distracted by their own drama to pay any attention to the scripted, predictable plot of the characters. Beca turns the television off before the credits even roll and they both climb into bed.
"Matt and the lawyers had a lot to say today, huh?"
"Uh, yeah," Beca starts hesitantly.
She knows Chloe is here for her and Lucy, completely. But she still hears, a little part of her, way down deep, yelling at her to stop. telling her that if she keeps going and complaining and worrying, that Chloe will reach her breaking point and leave. She knows it's fake. She knows that's what their time apart showed; that it's all in her head. She knows that and pushes through it.
"Matt said that they're firing the head of security. I guess there have been a few issues before and this is the final straw." Chloe reaches over and grabs Beca's hand, running her thumb over her knuckles. "And the lawyer said they're going to charge Gardner with a felony account of breaching a restraining order. He could be in jail for up to five years."
"But then what?"
Neither of them had noticed Lucy standing in their doorway. The look on her face is one Beca wishes she could get out of her mind but she knows it's going to be in every nightmare for months.
"Come here."
Lucy climbs in between them in the bed and rests her head on Beca's shoulder.
"We have the best lawyers on this. He's going to jail."
"Five years isn't a very long time."
"I agree, I don't think it's long enough, but that's five years that we don't have to think about him, and that he can't bother us."
"But what happens when he gets out, he could find us again. That's a long time to be angry."
This makes Beca's heart stop; or at least it feels like it does. It makes her chest hurt and gives her a weird feeling in her throat. These kinds of thoughts are what have been keeping Lucy company while holed up in her bedroom. These are the kinds of things that bounce around in her brain while she sits, and stares, and imagines.
"That's five years of time for us to figure out what we're going to do. We are very lucky, okay? We have time and money and resources to protect ourselves."
"That didn't work for us this time."
"Sweet girl, I know you're scared, but-"
"Yeah I am. And don't tell me that it's going to stop because he was caught. Because it doesn't ever stop. If it's not Gardner, then it's people dying, or leaving, or, I don't even know. But it's always something."
Lucy finally lets the tears drip down her cheeks. She's been holding them in for days and the dam has finally smashed and released. She feels herself shaking from the inside out and she grips onto Beca's shirt just to have something grounding her. She feels like the force is enough to sweep her up and wash her away.
"It all feels pretty helpless, doesn't it?" Beca says.
Lucy nods and continues to cry until she feels like she's completely empty.
"It may feel helpless, but I promise, it's not hopeless."
Lucy looks up into her sister's eyes and she knows she means what she's saying. She knows she's the only other person in the world that is feeling what she is, and she knows that there is a way out of this place they're in, even if she can't see it right now.
They lay together for a while, Lucy tucked, protected, in between the two of them. Beca's phone rings again, and she knows today is only the beginning. She leaves the room to answer it, vowing to herself to keep Lucy as far away from the rest of this situation as possible.
"Hello?"
"Beca, thank God."
Beca smirks when she hears Jesse's panicked voice on the other end of the line.
"Hi."
"Are you okay? Stacie told me what happened."
"Of course she did."
"I'm glad she did. This is-"
"Yeah, I know. We're okay. Still processing, but okay."
"Good, that's good."
She can practically hear him rub the back of his neck in that nervous way he always does.
"What did the police say?"
Beca sighs and feels the same tears from earlier try their best to escape but she blinks them away and takes a seat at the kitchen island.
"I can't have this conversation again today. Just know, we're safe and he's going to jail."
"Good. Can I just ask one more question?"
Beca groans, inwardly, she knows he means well but she's done talking about Gardner for the rest of her life.
"Fine."
"Did you make the citizen's arrest yourself, or?"
There's a slight pause before she hears him scoff and she smiles. A genuine smile, the first of the day.
"Shut up, asshole."
Much to his credit, Jesse doesn't bring up Gardner at all for the rest of their conversation. They talk for nearly an hour and a half; about work, Lucy, Jesse's new girlfriend, and anything else either of them can think of.
"It's getting late, I should probably get to bed. As much as I wish everything was all over and done with, I get to wake up and deal with the rest of it tomorrow."
"Beca, if you need anything-"
"I know."
"Seriously, anything, if Chloe or Lucy need anything, call me. Any time."
"Thank you. I'll talk to you soon."
When she comes back into the room, the big light has been turned off and the room is illuminated by just the small bedside lamp. She changes into her pajamas. Chloe and Lucy are curled up together, a copy of Little Women is open on Chloe's chest. They both fell asleep in the middle of the chapter, waiting for Beca to come back. She gently moves the book and covers them both with the blankets. She watches them for a while, the gentle movement of their chests, the in-and-out of their breathing, and the twitch of Lucy's fingers with whatever dream she's having. It all does more to calm her than any medication or breathing exercise ever could. She shuts the light off and climbs into her side of the bed, ready to drift away for a few hours.
—
Chloe wakes early. She lets Beca and Lucy sleep, curled up with each other. Lucy's cheeks are flushed and she hopes it's just from the warmth of their duvet. She climbs out of bed, careful not to jostle either of them. The air in the kitchen is chilly and she wishes she had grabbed a sweatshirt, but she doesn't want to risk waking anyone up by going back into the bedroom.
She starts coffee, and sits at the counter, unlocks her phone and sighs. She has about a hundred texts from the Bellas and from her parents. She answers one from Jessica, knowing that within the hour the rest of the Bellas will be fully informed before she lifts the phone up to her ear. It rings once before there is a voice on the other end.
"Chloe."
"Hi mom."
There's a relieved sigh. Chloe hasn't spoken to her mother in a few days and just hearing her voice is enough to help her shoulders hurt less and loosen her stiffened jaw.
"Is everything okay?" Her mother asks.
Before Chloe can say anything she feels a shakiness inside her chest and she lets out a sob, from somewhere deep inside. She cries, and hiccups and struggles to gain control of her breath again.
"Oh sweetheart."
"It could have been so bad. He was in her office and no one even noticed. He could have-" She cuts herself off, afraid to open her mind up to all the possibilities of what could have happened. "It's just..."
"What?"
Her mother's gentle voice, and her willingness to wait for her answer allows Chloe to slow down, to put her words exactly the way she wants them.
"It's just a lot harder than I thought it would be."
"What's that?"
"Loving someone this much."
Chloe's eyebrow twitches when she hears her mother chuckle.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing darling, I'm just so proud of you. The love you two share, it's something to fight for; and you have fought. Loving someone is the hardest thing you'll ever do and I'm sorry if I ever led you to thinking it isn't. Ripping off pieces of your heart, attaching them to another person, and letting them walk around freely in the world is not something that everyone can do."
"I'm just so afraid I'm going to lose her, that Lucy is going to lose her."
There's another long silence. For a long time, Chloe always thought her mom knew everything, that there would never be a time that she wouldn't have advice and a guiding hand, but since the accident, she's been shown otherwise. For the first time, she's been left completely to her own devices and she just wishes someone would tell her what to say and what to do to fix it all.
"I'm sorry for dumping this on you so early in the morning."
"I've always told you, if you're in trouble to call me, right?"
"Mhm."
"That doesn't change just because you're all grown up. I'm always here, baby."
Chloe lets out one more wet sob, but doesn't let any tears fall. She sniffles and wipes her eyes with the heel of her hand.
"I miss you, and dad, and the boys."
"We miss you too."
Chloe has left her entire family back in Georgia. Most days she's fine with that decision, but there are some times, times like now, that she wishes she could walk down the hall, find her mom, and get a big hug.
"I should go. Beca's getting her cast off today, so."
"Okay, I love you. Be safe."
"You too. I'll call you later. Give dad a kiss for me.'
Chloe hangs up the call and takes a second to even her breath. She's left in the quiet. The spot in between her heart and stomach aches. She feels an arm, snake around her waist and a kiss on her cheek. She keeps her eyes closed and smiles.
"Good morning."
"Mornin' who was on the phone this early?"
"My mom."
Chloe turns and kisses Beca on the lips. When they pull apart Chloe is rooted back in her spot. The pain in her body disappears and she remembers what her mom said; her heart feels full.
"How is she?"
"Good, worried about us, but what else is new? Is Lucy still sleeping?"
"Like a log."
"Good."
Chloe walks around the counter and pours two mugs of coffee.
"Are you excited to get your cast off today?"
Beca shrugs, "It's a little sad. I've kind of gotten used to the sympathy."
Chloe laughs and Beca smiles, reveling in one of her favorite sounds in the world.
"I'm sure you won't be saying that once you have full function of your hand back."
"Yeah, it will be nice to be able to play piano without hitting five keys at once." She says with a genuine tone. "Amongst other things." She ads with a smirk.
Chloe's cheeks blush the lightest shade of pink, only for a moment, before they fall into a comfortable silence. For a few minutes they are able to forget about yesterday, about everything that's happened leading up to this moment. They make breakfast and laugh and listen to music and it's a nice morning.
Lucy walks out into the doorway of the kitchen, doing her best to go unnoticed so she can watch the two of them. Beca has Chloe wrapped up in her arms, swaying to whatever song is playing and Chloe is giggling into her shoulder. Beca kisses the top of her head and says something quietly into her ear. Chloe looks into her eyes and smiles even brighter. They kiss on the lips before they separate.
—
The school hallway is strangely quiet.
"Lincoln, what are you doing?" Poppy asks, walking up to her friend in the hallway.
"Have you seen Lucy? She wasn't in bio but she said she was coming today."
Lincoln, doesn't look at Poppy, instead she keeps her gaze down the hallway, toward the school's main entrance.
"Oh, uh," Poppy looks down at the floor, "no, I haven't seen her. She probably just took another day off."
"Yeah, okay."
"We should go before we're late for math."
—
Lucy and Chloe are sitting in the chairs in the corner of the doctor's office. Chloe has one hand on Lucy's thigh while she does something on her phone. Beca is also on her phone, sending an email for work. Lucy looks around the small, very white, silent room. There's a painting that she assumes is supposed to be the artist's interpretation of an ocean, a mixture of blue and white water colors splashed together. She stares at it so long her eyes start to blur.
"Beca, how are you doing today?" The doctor asks, coming swiftly into the room. "I see you brought your fan club."
Beca blushes and Chloe stifles a laugh.
"Well, you know, I can't go anywhere without the entourage."
"Lucy how are you doing?"
Lucy has a vague memory of the doctor, she's the one that brought Beca to her x-rays, but she doesn't speak. She leans into Chloe's side and feels a hand on her back.
"Okay," She says with a congenial smile, "are you ready to get this thing off already?"
"Let's do it."
She grabs the saw and lift's Beca's hand to rest on the small table in front of her.
"What is she going to do with that?" Lucy asks Chloe, but it's loud enough that everyone can hear it.
"Don't worry, this is for the cast. I figured your sister might want to keep her hand, right?" She asks, looking to Beca who gives a shrug. "This cuts through the plaster of the cast, that way your sister can slide her hand out."
Lucy watches the doctor carefully cut the black cast off of Beca's hand. Then she uses scissors to cut the padding that was underneath it open.
"God that stinks." Beca says, lifting her hand up in front of her face.
"How does it feel?"
"Free."
The doctor scoffs and takes her hand in both of her own. She presses on certain spots and when she's convinced there's no concerning, lasting, damage she moves on to Beca's head. She does a physical examination of the contusion on her temple, which isn't sore anymore and slowly fading away to a dull yellow and purple splotch.
She checks her vision, pupil dilation, short term memory, and reflexes. When she's satisfied she claps her hands together and says,
"Alright, I'm happy to say you're cleared and you never have to see me again."
"Thank you again. For everything."
"Of course. If you have any concerns or you have any pain in that hand, you call me."
"I will."
Beca hops down from the examination table and reaches for Lucy's hand, in her newly free hand.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?"
Lucy shrugs. She checks her phone, no messages. She puts it back in her pocket and walk silently alongside Beca and Chloe who are now talking about something she doesn't really care about.
—
When they get back to their building, Stacie is there waiting for them in the lobby.
"Stacie what are you doing here?" Chloe asks, walking over to give her a hug.
"I just wanted to check in on you guys." She says, hugging Beca and tapping her newly freed wrist with a smile.
She looks down at Lucy but she isn't given the satisfaction of eye contact. Lucy is looking down at her sneakers, tapping against the hardwood.
They take the elevator up to their apartment and settle in the living room. All but Lucy, who retreats to her bedroom as quickly as she can.
"How's she doing?"
Stacie notices Beca bristle immediately. Chloe puts her hand on her thigh and speaks for the both of them.
"She's keeping quiet. But that's not all that surprising."
"Yeah, she's been doing a lot of that, hasn't she?" Stacie shifts uncomfortably in her seat.
That's one of the things Beca hates the most about their new life. Her friends, the people that have known her more than anyone else in the world, don't know her anymore. Or at least they feel like they don't. She can see it in the way they speak to her, and look at her, and the way they are all different in her company; she's pretty sure it's them that are different now.
"Have you guys thought about-" She cuts herself off, afraid to cross a line.
"What?" Beca asks, barely meeting her eye line.
"Have you considered therapy for her?"
There's a long silence and she's afraid that she's in uncharted territory. Beca bounces her knee and Chloe just waits, patient as always, for her to speak.
"We have. We're looking. We haven't brought it up to her yet. We want to have a place to bring her first, you know? It's just a weird thing to talk about and I don't want her to feel like a weirdo or like we're judging her or..."
The outpouring of thoughts shock both Stacie and Chloe. Chloe hadn't heard any of this from Beca before.
"I have a couple names if that would be helpful but I don't want to overstep."
"That would be great. We're kind of drowning in names." Chloe says.
Stacie doesn't waste any time taking her phone out and sending a couple contacts to their phones.
—
Lucy sits on her bed with her phone in her hands. All day, every chance she gets, she's scrolled through news headlines about Gardner. Almost none of them are reporting what actually happened and she wonders how they're any better than Gardner. She scrolls until her thumb gets tired and she checks her messages one more time before locking her phone and tossing it to the other end of the mattress.
"Figures."
She flops down onto the bed and stares at the ceiling. She can hear the murmur of quiet conversation in the living room. It lulls her to a place somewhere between asleep and awake where she feels light and floaty. She wishes she could live there forever.
But half an hour later, Beca is knocking on her door telling her to get ready for dinner.
"It's only four o'clock."
"I know, but we're going to eat with Stacie before she has to go to work."
Lucy wants to tell her she's not hungry but she can practically hear the argument that would follow already. So she gets up, washes her hands and splashes water on her face before walking out into the kitchen. There's already a plate waiting for her.
"I wasn't sure if you were going to want cheese or pepperoni so we got both." Chloe says with a smile.
Lucy knows she's trying but a part of her, a pretty big part at the moment, wishes she would just stop. Every time Chloe says something nice, or hugs her, or helps her in any way, it just makes her miss her mom more.
"So Lou, Beca said you did really good at your lacrosse game the other day. I'd love to come cheer you on at your next one."
Lucy stares at the table, her thumb and forefinger picking at the crust of her slice.
"When is it?"
The room falls flat.
"Lucy?"
"Can I be excused?"
She finally looks up to meet Beca's eye. She looks tired, and quietly devastated.
"Yeah." Beca says, her own voice barely a whisper.
Stacie watches the three of them interact. She's secretly thankful that she doesn't have to live here, that she isn't living through what they are. Then she feels guilty. She doesn't eat much either. None of them do.
—
Later that night, Lucy has been asleep for about an hour. She is in her own bed which hasn't happened, at least it doesn't feel like it, since the accident. Beca climbs into their bed after checking on Lucy one last time.
"You think she'll stay there all night?" Beca asks.
"I hope so. She deserves a nice sleep in her own bed."
"You mean we do."
Chloe looks over and Beca has a smirk on her face. Despite all of the other feelings she's had over the past couple of days, right now she's feeling incredibly thankful. She's happy. She knows the guilt will come, the fear will return, and everything else will hit her like an avalanche at some point, but right this second she is happy.
"Maybe a little."
"She really does need to start sleeping in her own bed. She's twelve years old."
"Beca, that's not what I meant."
"I know. But it's something we talked about before Gardner came back. It's something we need to work on."
"When you're both ready." Chloe says, placing her hand gently on Beca's wrist.
She hadn't realized how used to the cast she had gotten until it wasn't there anymore.
"It's just such a weird line to walk."
"What do you mean?"
"The line between giving her too much and doing too little."
"Yeah, I get that. She's not a baby but she's also been through a lot more than other kids her age. Hopefully the therapist will help us out with that."
"So, we're really doing it."
"I think it's time."
Beca keeps her eyes glued to Chloe's. There have been so many times that she's looked into them and seen this exact look; utter devotion. But every time it makes her stomach flutter and her knees quake. It's the exact thing she thought she would never have, and had convinced herself she didn't want; until they met.
"Thank you."
"How many times are you going to thank me for doing what I always promised I'd do?"
"Every minute of every day, for the rest of our lives."
Beca picks her head up to kiss her on the lips. She pulls her in close and holds her flush against her body. Their warmth mingles together and it's a reminder that as long as they are together they are home.
—
Lucy doesn't feel like getting out of bed the next morning. When the time that her alarm would normally go off, comes and goes, and no one has come to get her, she assumes she's dodged the bullet; she's not expected to go to school today. She rolls over, pulling the blankets up higher on her shoulders, and checks her phone. No notifications. She leaves it on it's charger, suddenly feeling like she wants to be as far away from it as possible.
"Hi Scout."
Lucy stops when she reaches the end of the hallway. There are blankets strung all around the living room, snacks on the floor, and the television is playing the menu of a movie Chloe has been saying she wants to watch.
"We're having a camp out." Chloe basically squeals. "Isn't it cool?"
"Don't you have to work?" Lucy asks Beca, bypassing Chloe's excitement for the moment.
"I took the day off. And this morning we decided that we deserved to have a little fun. Don't you think?"
Lucy shrugs and lets herself be led to the makeshift tent. She climbs inside and leans against the bottom of the couch. She has to admit that there are a lot worse ways to spend her day.
—
They watch two movies and Lucy dozes on and off for the better part of the afternoon. Inside here, she feels safe. For the first time in months she doesn't feel eyes on her. There's quiet conversation and laughter and a sense of calm that hasn't been felt in the apartment in a while.
"Alright, as fun as this has been, I think we need to start cleaning up." Beca says, resulting in a groan from Lucy who has nuzzled herself between her and Chloe, who is now pouting. "Lucy has school tomorrow and I have an early meeting."
They take the blankets down and return the mostly uneaten snacks to the kitchen. Lucy sits on the couch, curled up in a ball, cold after spending all day in a miniature oven.
"There is one more thing we need to figure out." Beca says, taking a seat on the coffee table in front of Lucy.
Chloe sits in the spot next to her and Lucy gets that familiar feeling she used to get when her parents would sit and talk like this.
"So the past couple days have been," Beca pauses, searching for the right word, "intense."
Lucy's whole body tenses.
"And we know that you don't want to talk about it. Trust me, I get it."
Lucy chances a look up at her sister's face and when it isn't filled with accusation, or even concern, she lifts her head fully to listen.
"But we want you to know that if you ever want to talk about it, we're both right here."
"I know."
"But we also think it might be a good idea for us to find you someone who isn't us that you can talk to."
"I talk to Emily."
"And that's great, but we were thinking of maybe a counselor or a therapist." Chloe says, gently.
The words hit like bricks. Lucy sits with it for a second. She feels like she shouldn't be surprised but somehow still is. She wrings her hands together, picks at the skin around her thumbnail before saying,
"Emily has a psychology degree."
"This isn't a punishment." Beca says.
"It kind of feels like one. I thought I was doing pretty well."
"That's not what this is."
"Then what is it? Because this basically means you're telling me my brain is broken or something."
Beca moves over to the couch and takes one of Lucy's hands in both of hers. She runs her thumb over the knuckles and chews her lower lip.
"This is a chance for you to talk about whatever you want to talk about. It's a chance for you to realize just how great you've been doing, while also learning how to be even better. You've been through a lot but it's not something you have to keep going through alone."
"I'm not alone. You guys are here."
"Always." Chloe says.
"But there is only so much we can do for you. As much as I wish I could say we do, we don't have all the answers and we can't fix everything. If this is something you really don't want to do, I'm not going to force you but, can I ask you to at least think about it?"
Lucy squeezes Beca's hand while she thinks.
"You really think it will help?"
Beca shrugs, "There's really only one way to find out."
"Do I have to go alone?"
"Not at first," Chloe starts, "but at some point, I think you should."
"Okay."
It's quiet and unsure, but it's an agreement. It's a start.
—
"Hey Mitchell, you're back." Matteo calls out down the hall.
"Oh yeah, how's your brother?"
"Eh," Matteo waves a hand, "he'll survive. Mama reamed him, but what else is new?"
The conversation stops and, despite the sound of the other kids in the hall, it's awkward and still. Poppy walks by, but instead of joining them, she gives a small wave and walks into their classroom.
"Hey Lincoln, you look like crap."
"Thanks."
"What, no witty remark? Why did I even come to school today?"
"I don't know. We all ask ourselves that every day."
"There it is."
He walks away with a laugh. Lucy looks up at Lincoln, then back down at the floor.
"So you weren't here yesterday."
"Were you worried about me?" Lucy asks, joking, she thinks.
"Nah, you just said you would be. Is everything alright? Things at your house were a little weird the other day."
"Uh yeah, they caught the guy and I don't know."
"Well, that's good right?"
"Yeah, it is. I just don't feel like I'm as happy as I should be."
The second bell rings and snaps Lucy out of her thoughts.
"Anyway, I should have texted or something."
"Yeah, me too."
Lincoln gives one last look before catching the eye of one of the teachers down the hall and turning the other way.
"I'll see you in bio."
"Yeah, see you."
—
Beca walks into the office. Her dress pants feel too tight and her blazer sleeves feel too short and she is uncomfortable in her own skin today. She grabs a coffee, checks with her assistant for messages, checks the equipment in the recording studio she'll be using today; she does everything short of watering the plants to avoid going into her office.
"Are you going to sit down at all today or what?" Anderson asks.
He's leaning against the doorway of the small recording booth when Beca turns around. She gives a smile.
"What, afraid you can't keep up?"
"You don't have to do that." He says, shaking his head. "He's not in there, Beca."
"I know that. I mean, obviously, they took the guy down in front of me. I just, I hate that he invaded this space. Through this whole thing, since losing my parents, this place and making music have been what's kept me sane. It's been one of the only things that hasn't changed. It's been safe, you know?"
She crosses her arms over her chest and lets her head hang.
"I hate him, but I hate even more that I'm letting him in my head. Because when I do that, he wins."
"He doesn't win. He's a loser. He's in jail now and you're here, living a life that he can't even imagine."
"Maybe you're right."
"Oh, I'm definitely right. I can't remember a time that I was wrong."
Beca smiles and shakes her head, looking back up at him.
"I can name several, but I get your point."
Anderson's expression sobers.
"You're the winner here, Beca. Just don't forget that."
"I'll try." She says, with a shrug.
She sits in the chair at the control panel, and lets the words sink in. They've won this round but the fight is far from over.
—
