Chapter 46.
Cas looked out of the window again. He looked as if he saw something there besides the fog that Dean could see.
"How much control do you think we have here?" said Dean.
"I suspect complete control, but it's what is conscious control and what isn't." said Cas.
"Come away from the window." said Dean, "The outside doesn't look too friendly."
"The Impala's out there." said Cas.
"What are you talking about?" said Dean, "It's just fog."
"And out in the fog, the lights of a car. You think I don't know that car by now?"
Dean joined him at the window. There, he could see the lights too and he also knew what car they belonged to. "Stay indoors. Do not go out there. Do not look out there,"
"Why not?" said Cas.
"Because if my Baby's out there, that's my mind and that place is toxic to you."
Cas peered out of the window again. "There's someone out there."
"Good. Out there is the best place for them. I mean it, Cas, leave it alone."
"It could be anyone." said Cas, "It could be a friend."
"In that sinister looking fog?"
"We are making this place between us. We are creating everything here."
"Yeah, with our subconscious mind. That means anything out there could be sick and wrong and bad and may just wanna tear our faces off."
"Or it could be someone we care about."
"Who's probably dead and whose appearance now would really screw us up. My vote is for closing the drapes and hiding in here."
Cas looked out again. "It looks like a child."
"Lots of things do." said Dean.
Cas was already at the door. "You stay here. I'll see who it is." He went out.
"Son of a bitch!" said Dean, following him out.
The car was parked outside a burning house. The child sat on the hood, staring at the house. Cas went to him and said, "What happened?"
"What happened is, Sarah and I talked about the night Mom died and now it's in my head again. Cas, leave it here."
"This is no place for a child. Let's get him into the library." said Cas. He lifted the young Dean, saying, "Come with me. My name is Castiel. I'm an angel. Do you know what an angel is?"
Little Dean nodded.
"Wait a minute," said Big Dean, "Where's Sam?"
"Sam isn't the one that needs us." said Cas.
"No. Don't take it into the house."
"It's not an it, it's you." said Cas, carrying the child into Bobby's house. When they were all back indoors, he said, "Go to the kitchen. Find something he'll eat."
"Cas, he's imaginary and so is the food."
"So was the whisky and you drank that happily enough." Cas put the child down on the couch. "Don't be afraid." he said, "We're friends."
"I'm not his frickin' friend." said Dean, "Nasty, creepy, little dream brat."
"Dean, he's you." said Cas again.
The child began to cry.
"Stop crying, kid!" said Dean, "No-one cares!"
"Dean!"
"What good do you think this is likely to do? He's not even real!"
"I know, but he's scared." said Cas, "Real or not, he's terrified and you're not helping."
"This is his life. He needs to man up and deal with it."
"He's four!"
"This is how his life is gonna be now. He needs to get used to it."
Cas looked at the frightened child and stroked his hair, then tenderly wiped away his tears. "Not this version. This one is imaginary. This one gets to cry and be comforted." He sat beside Little Dean and said, "It's okay, Don't listen to him. He's got issues, but he loves you really."
"No he doesn't." said Dean.
"You're safe here." Cas said to the child.
"Cas, stop it!" said Dean.
"What's wrong?" said Cas.
"Don't make any promises to that kid."
"Why not? He looks like he needs some promises."
"Go on then. Tell him you'll protect him and Sammy. Tell him you'll always be there for him and all he has to do is trust you and obey orders. Tell him the motel rooms and the nights on the road and never being allowed to trust anyone are all just temporary. Lie to him. Lie until he thinks you love him and then ditch him when he needs you most. Just don't expect me to back up your empty promises."
He went over to the child, crouched down to his level and said, "Because I care, I'll tell you the truth, kid. You're on your own and Sammy will die in your arms because you weren't strong enough to save him."
Little Dean fell into Castiel's arms, sobbing.
"Don't talk to him like that!" said Cas.
"I think I can talk to myself any way I like." said Dean. Even as he said it, he asked himself why he wanted to say such terrible things to this innocent child. "Why did you have to bring it in here?" he said to Cas.
"I could hardly leave you out there." said Cas, hugging his unhappy little charge. Little Dean clung to him, staring at Big Dean with large, tear-filled eyes.
"Let's get out of here." said Dean, "We've done what Sarah asked."
"Get him some food." said Cas.
"He doesn't want food. He wants his Mom. Or, failing that, he wants someone to give a crap about how he feels." said Dean. Just looking at his younger self made him feel sick.
"Dean, get him some food or you hold him and I'll get him some."
"Fine. I'll get him something, but he's not real. He's just something else for you to put before yourself."
"What are you talking about?"
He looked at Little Dean. "I'm getting you some food. Be good for Castiel." He went into the kitchen. The refrigerator was filled with food and he grabbed a plate of sandwiches and took them back to the library.
The child had stopped crying and was whispering to Cas. When he saw Big Dean, he froze.
"I'm you, stupid. I'm not gonna hurt you." said Dean, "Here's a chicken sandwich. You like chicken."
The child took one from the plate. "Thankyou." he said.
"What are you thanking me for? I've been a jerk since we met." He realised he was still being one. He looked at Cas. "If you wanna stay and nursemaid the kid, feel free. I need to get out of here."
"Stay." said Cas.
"I'm only making him worse." said Dean.
"Yes, but why? If this were any other child ... "
"It's not." said Dean.
"When you and Sarah discussed this, did you hate this child then?"
"He wasn't in front of me then."
"Whatever happened in your life, this child is innocent of it."
"He lived and Mom died." said Dean. He saw the look of pain in the eyes of his younger self. "Sorry, kid. I didn't say that to be cruel."
"You'll see your mother again." said Cas to the child, "She'll come back to life. Everything will be okay."
"Cas, when has anything in our lives been okay?"
Cas ignored him and hugged the child again. "I'll protect you. I'll watch over you."
The scared eyes looked at Big Dean again and he said, "That promise, you can trust. This angel, you can trust. Me, no, not for a second, but Castiel will always be your friend."
"Give him a hug." said Cas, "It'll help both of you."
"No. I'm good." said Dean and he walked away and sat in an armchair.
Cas rocked Little Dean, saying, "You'll be okay. We'll take care of you."
Big Dean closed his eyes and said, "Not my problem. Not your job."
"I don't care." said Cas, "I like him and he needs me."
