Chapter 34: Cuddy Is in the Hospital

About two weeks after the night Rachel went missing, House's landline rings. He has just returned home from work. He throws his backpack in the corner, sinks down on the couch and, not recognizing the number, picks up the receiver.

"Yeah?"

"Hi, uh, Greg? This is Ethan."

House sits up, his spine stiffening.

"Lisa's in the hospital." He pauses, considering his words. "Well, I guess that's not so odd since she works here. Anyways, she fell down a flight of stairs. She's fine, but they are keeping her here for the night. She hit her head, and they wanna make sure it's nothing serious."

House's mouth feels dry. His heart drops several levels into his stomach. His hands turn sweaty.

"I always wondered how she does it with her high heels. I was in the middle of talking to her over the phone when it happened. Suddenly: 'boom'. Her phone's smashed."

"Get to it," House presses out through gritted teeth.

"Oh, sure, yeah. She told me to call you and ask you to go over to the house, tell the kids what's up without scaring the crap out of them, and bring them here so they can see for themselves that she's okay." He pauses. "Yup, I think those were her words."

House has a hard time forming a coherent thought. "Did they… did-did she get a CT?"

"Happening as we speak." He waits for House to say something else. When nothing comes, he asks: "So, you comin'?"

House swallows hard. "Yeah. I'm on my way."

"She says not to hurry and to relax."

House slams down the receiver.

He picks ups the kids and drives to Princeton General. All the while, he fails to rid himself of the fear that has settled over him. He feels tense and slightly nauseous, and he is not sure why. Rachel and John are more at ease than him, and he is under the impression it is rather the children calming him down than the other way around.

When they enter Cuddy's hospital room, she is sitting up in bed, talking to Ethan, who sits on a visitor's chair by the window. Rachel and John rush to her, one on either side of the bed, and she opens her arms to them. "My angels," she smiles, hugging them close and kissing their heads.

House glances at her once. He sees no injuries and only notices her white hospital gown. Feeling uneasy and out of place, he picks up her chart from the foot of her bed and wordlessly leaves the room.

He sits down on a hard plastic chair in the hallway, studying her scans and the blood work they did on her. Not finding anything alarming, he puts down the chart on the empty chair next to him, taps his cane between his legs, and waits. His heart still fells as if someone had laid a clamp around it and is squeezing it tight. 'She's fine,' he keeps telling himself, but when it comes to her health, his rational mind goes haywire.

The door to her room opens.

"Dad, mom wants to talk to you." John walks up to him, followed by Rachel and Ethan. "We're having dinner at the cafeteria. You want anything?"

House shakes his head.

"Mom's buyin'." John waves Cuddy's credit card in the air.

"I'll, uh, I'll join you guys in a bit." He rises from the chair, taking the chart with him.

"Okay, see you downstairs."

They pass by him, and he slowly makes his way to Cuddy's room. He pauses and takes a deep breath before he pushes down the handle.

"Hey," she greets him softly.

He can barely look at her and focuses on the footrest of the bed where he replaces her chart.

"Find anything?" she asks.

House shakes his head, keeping his distance. "You're fine," he says, his voice hoarse. "A little low on the iron."

"Thanks for bringing the kids."

He nods.

"Will you stay with them tonight?"

He nods again. He has no clue as to why he is overreacting so badly. The situation certainly reminds him of the last time he saw her hospitalized—when he was certain she was dying. 'But she didn't,' he tells himself. 'She's here.' He tries to rid himself of his emotions and get a grip on himself, hating nothing more than irrationality. It feels as if the anxiety he had repressed back then is forcing itself upon him now.

"Hey," she interrupts his ruminating. Her voice is warm and inviting, and she holds her hand out to him, beckoning him closer.

He hesitates briefly, but then he shuffles to her side opposite of where Ethan was sitting, and sinks down onto a chair while he takes her hand. His whole body is decompressing with the motion, and he drops his forehead to their joined hands—their arms are bent at the elbow, their lower arms angled perpendicularly to the mattress. He leans his cane against the side of the bed and entangles this arm in hers as well, his thumb burying in the crease of her elbow.

She rolls onto her side, scooting closer to him. Her knees come up higher and her spine curves, her body creating a semicircle around the spot on the mattress they are holding onto each other. Her free hand reaches up and touches his head, her fingers gently raking through his hair. "I'm okay," she whispers, trying to soothe him.

House closes his eyes and takes several deep breaths.

At that moment, the door flies open and Ethan waltzes in, carrying a plastic container with salad. "I thought maybe you'd—" he stops in his tracks when he sees them.

They are all paralyzed for a moment. Cuddy lowers the hand that has been caressing House's head, but otherwise does not pull away. She looks at Ethan, who stares at them with his mouth agape. "You love him," he concludes eventually.

Cuddy pulls in her lower lip. Her eyebrows furrow. "He's my best friend," she states, avoiding a straight response.

"Your best friend who you are in love with," Ethan clarifies, stressing each word in the second part of his sentence.

Cuddy does not even try to deny it. She just looks at Ethan with a troubled expression, but without shame or guilt.

"It's why you never talk about him," Ethan continues, shaking his head in astonishment. "It would just be too dang obvious." He sets the salad down on a nearby table and heads around the bed to grab his jacket from the back of the chair he sat on earlier.

"I'm sorry," Cuddy mumbles.

Ethan halts and glares at Cuddy. He opens his mouth, about to express his anger, but seems to think the better of it, shakes his head and storms out of the room.

"That guy has some serious anger management problems," House comments. "Not that I'm the one to throw stones."

Cuddy sighs as she drops her head back onto the pillow, closing her eyes.

"I'm sorry," House states weakly. He truly had not meant to be the reason for their break-up.

She shakes her head, hardly bothered by the chain of events, and looks at him through heavy eyelids. "What are we doing, House?" Her voice sounds tired and resigned. "This is screwing us up."

He nods, but breaks the eye contact with her, unable to give her a solution.

"It's screwing up the kids."

"I know," he mutters. He wishes he could stop from holding back and just give into her. A large part of him wants to, but a bigger part tells him that it would cost him his sanity. He went nuts the last time they were dating: He was acting in ways that were completely out of character for him. The moment she had stepped outside his apartment that first day, he had felt the pressure of needing to make their relationship work. He had gone out of his way trying to keep her with him, and had almost constantly felt stressed to do better. Because he knew there was no real alternative: It was either her or no one and nothing at all.

And his anxiety would be worse now, given the circumstances with the kids. He has too many unresolved issues he has no idea how to fix. He feels no less screwed up than the last time they were dating. Also, his leg is worse than it was back then. He cannot even imagine what he would do if they failed at this a second time. They would definitely end up more shattered than they are now.

He stares at a spot on the mattress, struggling with himself. "I can't," he presses out, feeling like shit.

She shifts slightly, and her hand comes to rest on his forearm. "It's okay," she whispers, rubbing gently over the fabric of his shirt. "It's okay," she repeats. Her hand stills, and she closes her eyes. He feels the fingers of the hand he is holding relax. "You're here."

He wonders what she means exactly as he watches her drift off to sleep.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

After the incident at the hospital, Cuddy stops dating. She buries her feelings and the pain from his rejection, and accepts the situation as it is. It seems that, at least for the time being, she has decided to shift her focus on the wellbeing of the kids and a functioning family life.

The relationship between her and Rachel had already improved after the dreadful night Rachel had not come home, but it increases more drastically after Cuddy and Ethan's break-up.

Due to Cuddy's date-free nights, House no longer needs to tiptoe around when to visit, and simply stops by the house when he feels like it or when the kids ask him to.

The tension between him and Cuddy having ebbed away almost completely, they live a fairly normal family life with the exception that they are not romantically involved and he spends several nights a week at his place. They are best friends again, and Cuddy makes no advances at him whatsoever. When she touches him, it happens in the form of a platonic rub of his shoulder or a brief squeeze of his arm. She appreciates him coming over and spending time with the kids, and is genuinely happy to see him. Occasionally, he sees the longing in her eyes—especially at night when they are the only ones left on the couch and she is tired—but she blinks it away each time, gives him a small, slightly melancholy smile, and heads to bed.

Rachel and John both decide not to go to camp for the summer. Rachel takes on a job at the movie theatre in Trenton, and John stays at home. He is not alone much because Rachel's shifts start either at noon or at six, and House tries to leave work early as often as possible. He starts to teach John how to play chess, which turns out to be a lot of fun for both of them. They have the chessboard set up in the living room, and House allows John to take all the time he needs to make a move. When he does, John takes a picture of the board and sends it to House, who checks his phone frequently at work, and texts John the coordinates of his next move. They keep this up for hours, and at night they skim through the pictures and House tells John at which point he went wrong and what he could have done differently. House and John also frequently drive to Trenton to give Rachel a visit at work, and she sneaks them free popcorn.

For a while, House thinks that Cuddy only took a break from dating and expects her to take it up again, but even six months after the end of her relationship with Ethan, House receives no texts from her telling him not to come over.

For the first time in his life, he experiences the safety and support of a functioning family. House feels accepted and appreciated for whom he is. The three of them focus on what he has to offer and what he adds to their lives instead of pointing out everything he is lacking. They tolerate his quirks, understand when he is in pain, and leave him in peace when he is grumpy.

They spend the holidays together again, and he cannot remember to ever have enjoyed them this much. He ravels in the warm lights and the coziness, the smell of cookies and eggnog, and the glee in their eyes when he surprises them with a pine tree. They are huddling under blankets in front of the fireplace on Christmas morning, John playing elf and distributing the presents. House loves the wonder on their faces when they open his. Being the good listener he is, he pays attention throughout the year, making mental notes when they mention what they like. They are amazed by his thoughtfulness.

They all spend New Years Eve at different places, but House does not mind, knowing they will come back together the following day. Nevertheless, he sits on Foreman's couch with slight apprehension. His happiness almost scares him, and—as usual—he tries to foresee when and how it will come to an end.

THE END.

No, just kidding ;-), still far from done. I do have to stop adding extra chapters, though, or I won't ever finish this. This chapter was also not planned. The scene with House at Cuddy's hospital bed kept coming to my mind relentlessly, though. At first I thought I couldn't weave it into the story, but now I did. I hope you liked it.

Thanks so much for all the very sweet comments, they make me super happy.

Stay healthy and safe!