Zero Regrets

(November 18-19, 2017)


35: Strike Day

"Let's all go home," Dipper said for maybe the fourth time.

Friday's performance ended at a quarter to ten, and now it was a quarter after, and the whole crowd stood out in the parking lot, and Mabel could not stop talking.

Grunkle Ford said, "Perhaps that—"

"Oh, my gosh!" Mabel said. "I thought I was seeing things when you walked out on stage, Teek! When Dr. Mayberry said there was something special and called my name, I thought she was cutting me from the play! Before the last performance! Can you come? You gotta come! It's sold out. I'll get you backstage! Everybody's gotta meet you! Wait, we have strike after the show. We have to take down the set. Wait, you can help! It takes like four hours. Do you mind? Of course you don't! Did you guys hear how I went flat on that note in 'There's a Fine, Fine Line?' I was thinking then about how much I missed Teek! And I didn't suspect he was right out there listening as I was missing him! Just like Kate's missing Princeton—"

Wendy, the only one among them with the guts to do it, clapped her hand over Mabel's mouth, reducing the flow to "Mphf brff g'mmph frmbtyy wha?"

"Listen!" Wendy said. "The campus cops're gonna roust us at any minute! Give Teek your keys, show him where you parked, and let him drive you to the house! You navigate, which means you don't talk except to tell him where to turn and which way. We got some refreshments at home, and you can finish telling us there."

Grunkles and Graunties went in Ford's Lincoln, Mr. and Mrs. Pines took her RAV4, Dipper and Wendy drove the Land Runner, and Mabel, still spouting words, led Teek to Helen Wheels. Dipper and Wendy served decaf and petits-fours—they had found a wonderful little bakery/coffee shop not far off campus and hand stocked up there—along with a homemade apple pie.

By eleven-thirty, Mabel had finally wound down enough for Mr. and Mrs. Pines to tell her they had actually enjoyed the show. "Even the language," Wanda said. "But I hope that will be just for the stage, Mabel!"

"Oh, yeah, I worried big time about that, especially the f-word in "Sucks to Be Me," Mabel said. "But, yeah, it's what Kate would say, so, you know—acting! Teek, you haven't told me how you got here!" She punched his arm.

"Ow," he said. "That's because I can't get a word in. Wendy and Dipper bought me tickets—I flew to Medford—what's the valley name? I forgot."

"The Medford/Rogue Valley International Airport," Dipper said. "It was a Delta flight. I guess almost any flight out of Atlanta is a Delta flight. I had an hour stopover in Salt Lake City, and then changed planes for the flight to California."

"How long did it take?" Stan asked.

"It was close to eight hours."

Stan elbowed his brother. "Poindexter, you shoulda sent one of the Guys in Black jets to pick him up and fly him straight here!"

"I would be hard-pressed to hide that in the annual audit," Ford said.

"Not if you let me cook your books a little, you wouldn't! Hah! I'm kidding, I'm kidding!"

"Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Pines," Teek said, "I wanted to ask your blessing, but—it was a little chaotic before we got seated, and then—"

"Of course you have our blessing," Alex said.

"Both of you," Wanda confirmed. "We hope you'll be very happy together."

"I guess we'll find out soon enough!" Mabel crowed. Then, like Stan, she said, "Kidding!"

At midnight, the adults said their goodbyes. They planned to leave the next morning, Saturday, for the drive up to Gravity Falls. "They're stayin' at Ford's house," Stanley told Dipper and Mabel. "We flipped for it, but he wouldn't use my double-headed quarter, the cheat, so he won. You knuckleheads call us soon as you're back in town—I guess Sunday?"

"We'll sleep in on Sunday morning," Dipper said. "Mabel and Teek, I guess, will come in late tomorrow night after taking down the set—"

"Strike!" Mabel corrected.

"Whatever. So they'll need some rest tonight, too, and we'll all probably haul out of here around ten or eleven on Sunday morning. We'll call when we leave."

Stan hugged Mabel. "You did good, Sweetie. Real funny, and you sang great, too. Loved it!"

After the others had all left, the house seemed too quiet and strangely too small. "I'm just gonna stack the dishes tonight," Wendy said. "Dip and I will get up whenever tomorrow morning and do our run. We'll try not to wake you guys up."

Dipper brought out a pillow, sheets, and a blanket. "The sofa's not bad," he said. "The half-bathroom's right down the hall there, the one leading out to the garage. If you need anything, help yourself."

"Hey, guys?" Mabel asked tentatively. "Could I ask a favor? I mean, God, I know you did a favor already, bringing Teek out and all so he could propose to me right on stage in front of everybody, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"What favor?" Dipper asked.

"Uh, would you mind if Tripper slept in your room tonight? He likes to snuggle a little, but then he'll go right down to the foot of the bed and not bother you at all. I, uh, I just want to, um, stay up a little more and catch up with Teek, and—and—he's a growing doggy and needs his, uh. Sleep."

"That'll be fine," Wendy said. "Hey, Mabes, remember I got some toiletries and stuff for Teek. They're in the top drawer of your bathroom vanity."

Mabel turned red. "Oh, yeah. Thank you!"

"Come on, Tripper," Mabel said.

Tripper trotted along, but before going into the master bedroom, he turned and looked back at Mabel, and if she didn't know better, she could have sworn he winked at her.


Dipper and Wendy were determined to be discreet, but a puppy's kidneys are a kind of alarm clock, and at six A.M. Wendy got up to let him out for his morning routine. She brought his bowl of dry food and his water bowl back into the bedroom, though, and as he was munching away, she slipped back into bed beside Dipper. "Kinda foggy out this morning," she said.

"Mm?" he asked, stroking her soft bare thigh.

Don't think Teek slept on the sofa. He's not there and the bedding's still folded.

Oh. Well. We thought that might happen. Did, um—

Mabel's fully equipped for whatever might have happened.

But we're not going to ask what happened.

Nope. I'd be surprised if we didn't find out anyway, sooner or later. Mabel's sure to talk about it.

So. I guess we ought to stay in bed until we hear them up and moving.

It's been a week! I could stand a little relaxation, so yeah, let's just laze in bed.

Want to go back to sleep?

Nah, I'm already up. Wendy stroked his chest and then her hand closed. Mm, and so are you. Let's see how wild we can get—that's very nice, Dipper, ooh, yeah, little lower, yeah. Let's see how wild we can get and still keep it quiet.

It was a struggle, but a delightful one.


The walnut and pecan trees down at the far end of the back yard had produced a nice crop of nuts, and all through October they had harvested them as they ripened. Dipper had discovered a set of telescoping rods with hooks on the end stored in the basement, and he'd learned online that they were for shaking nuts loose. He and Wendy had gone down every three or four days and after the first attempt, when they bombarded themselves with the crop, they'd learned how to spot the ones ready to be shaken loose.

The walnuts were in a fibrous outer hull, the pecans in a thinner, leathery coat. These had to be removed and then the nuts had to be dried. They spread them out on the concrete pad beneath the deck for that, and when the squirrels raided the harvest, they improvised a wire mesh that kept most of the nuts for themselves, though Mabel—who preferred to climb up in the trees and precariously shake the branches by standing on one, holding onto another and doing knee bends—always left a little pile of them for her furry friends (who also happened to be Tripper's arch-enemies, but whatever).

Anyway, the last gathering of nuts had come in about the second week of November, and now Dipper and Wendy had bagged them in burlap, twelve pounds to a bag, and they planned to take these to Gravity Falls as gifts to Ford, Stan, Soos, and Dan. They still had plenty left over, and Dipper had set aside two bags for his mom and dad.

But—and it's been a long way here, but we needed to know where the nuts came from—that Saturday morning, Mabel turned to and made an apple-walnut coffee cake for brunch. When they heard the clatter of pots and pans and mixing bowls, Dipper and Wendy got out of bed, dressed, and joined the other two in the kitchen.

"Smells good!" Wendy said.

"Uh," Teek said, "I folded the sheets and things back up. I guess I'll need them tonight again. Uh, thanks."

"Yeah, the washer's running," Mabel said. "I kind of had stuff that piled up and needed washing, so—I'll put everything in the dryer this afternoon and fold it and then you guys can do any laundry you need to do. That reminds me, how'd you sleep, Teek?"

If Mabel had blushed, Teek did an impression of a ripe tomato. "Best ever," he said.

"Hey, remember to call your mom and dad!" Mabel said. "Tell 'em you'll be home tomorrow afternoon."

"I thought I'd just walk in and surprise them," Teek said, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"All right, but they may have plans for Thanksgiving already made!" Mabel warned. "What are you making, Wen?"

"Baked frittata. We need to use up these eggs anyhow, and we've got some cherry tomatoes, a sweet potato, and a little bit of prosciutto that will be yummy. How long do you have to bake the coffee cake?"

"Forty-five minutes at three-fifty."

"OK, the frittata needs ten minutes, so set the timer for thirty minutes and I'll pop it in when it goes off. That'll give us a few minutes wiggle time if one or the other isn't quite done."

Mabel put the coffee cake in, set the timer, and said, "Hey, Dip, take Teek out and show him the backyard and then take him down to see that great bridge you guys made!"

"Want to go?" Dipper asked.

"Um, sure," Teek said.

"Bring your cup if you want to."

But Teek drank the rest of his coffee and the guys went out back, accompanied by Tripper, who seemed to greet every day as if it had been tailored just for him. The fog had thinned to mist, and a bright spot in the east promised that soon the sun would burn the rest of that off.

"We use the grill a lot," Dipper said. "Grunkle Stan thinks we ought to make a picnic area out here, and we might do it. Those are the nut trees. We got a lot of walnuts this year, not so many pecans, but Wendy says pecans alternate between heavy and light harvests, so I guess we'll see. Here you go, Tripper!" He opened the gate, and the dog charged out.

"We don't know the name of that creek," Dipper said as they walked the same route where he and Wendy usually ran. "This all used to be a farm, and I guess they had cows down this way. It looks like part of the creek used to be dammed up to make a farm pond—that's down this way about a quarter of a mile—and there's some foundations that might be what's left of a barn."

"Mm-hmm," Teek said.

They reached the bridge, and Dipper went into detail about how he and Wendy had designed it, built it, erected it, and finished it. Teek reacted in monosyllables.

Finally, Dipper couldn't keep from laughing. "Teek! It's OK, man. We're not going to pry into your and Mabel's business."

Teek sat on the step up onto the bridge. "Uh. Well, I—you know. We're a couple now, I guess."

"Sure you are," Dipper said. "Officially engaged and everything."

"Mabel says you and Wendy, you know—waited."

"We promised each other when we first started to get serious," Dipper said. "So, yeah, we did. But remember, I turned eighteen only on the day we got married. You're nineteen, Mabel's eighteen now, so—everybody's got to make up their own mind. We're not going to disapprove or make fun or anything. And you don't have to pretend to sleep on the sofa tonight. But—just between us—I wouldn't tell your mom and dad, or Mabel's and mine. They'll probably catch on, but, you know—if they want it brought up, they'll say something."

"Thanks, man," Teek said. He sighed. "I hope Mabel's not, um."

"Disappointed?" Dipper asked. "No way. There's one sure way to tell."

"What's that?"

"If she cooks brunch, she's deliriously happy," Dipper said.


And meanwhile, Wendy and Mabel were having a heart to heart. "First time's kinda a mixed bag," Wendy advised.

"It was, you know—great!" Mabel said. "But I guess I wasn't mentally prepared. It kind of ended too fast."

"Yeah, you'll learn," Wendy said. "Talk it out. Always talk it out. Don't keep secrets from each other. You gotta let each other know what works, what doesn't, and so on. Hey, don't make Teek think he has to pretend to sleep on the sofa. Dip and I aren't going to gossip about you or tell your parents or his anything you don't want them to know."

"Thanks." Mabel sighed. "Well—it wasn't everything I fantasized, but it still was—you know. You're a married woman. You know."

"Yeah, I know," Wendy said. And then they high-fived.


Oddly, the rest of that morning and afternoon were relaxed and cheerful. No bawdy jokes, no edginess, nothing out of the ordinary. They had dinner together—Dipper baked a chicken, Wendy made a vegetable salad and a potato dish, Mabel baked some home-made yeast rolls. After dinner, Mabel and Teek departed for the last performance of Avenue Q.

Mabel, who had been too excited the night before, introduced Teek to everyone in the cast. The other girls admired her engagement ring—the brilliant gem in it looked like a tip-top diamond, though it was really an alien crystal rescued from a crashed spaceship buried beneath the soil of Gravity Falls. Dally told her that Teek was a catch—he was quiet and obviously intelligent, but also sensitive and good-looking. And he was going to be in the movies! Wow!

The show went great to a completely full house. Every song met with enthusiastic applause, every joke with gales of laughter. The ovation at the end of the show went on for two or three minutes, and then Dr. Mayberry made her farewell curtain speech, and the crowd hung around to speak to the actors, congratulating them on a job well done.

Then came strike, and even though it was work and would go on for four hours, to make it a little more fun Dr. Mayberry provided snacks and let Teek pitch in and help.

As they were getting close to finishing, knocking the frames apart and removing the nails, Mabel said, "I've been thinking. When we get home—well, you know that scene with Princeton and Kate after they have all those Long Island iced teas? Maybe you and I could reinterpret that!"

Teek hit his thumb with a hammer.


While Mabel and Teek were away at the show, Wendy and Dipper packed for the trip up to Gravity Falls. As they did, Wendy asked, "Did Teek tell you?"

"Yeah. Took him a lot of effort, but he did."

"Mabes told me. How do you feel about it?"

Dipper shrugged. "The day Mabel won Waddles, she told me 'Everything is different now.' It's kind of like that. I feel sort of funny, I guess, but—it's Mabel and her life, so I'm OK with it."

"Yeah. But until they let people know, we have to respect their decision to keep it quiet."

"I am completely on board with that," Dipper said when the last suitcase had been snapped shut. "This is going to be a Thanksgiving to remember."

"Like the one where both your grunkles announced they were engaged!" Wendy said.

Dipper smiled, remembering that occasion. "It'll feel good to be back in Gravity Falls."

Wendy hugged him. "It sure will. Except you have to remember—we're married now."

"So?"

"So if Dad and my brothers have reduced the house to a dump again—this time you have to help me shovel it out!"