Fafnir braced himself for disappointment. The gasp was surely in his mind, and Jon was not alive…

"Fafnir?" Jon spoke.

Still bracing himself for disappointment, Fafnir turned around. Jon was sitting upright on the table, examining himself and his surroundings. Ghost put his paws up on the table and licked Jon incessantly.

"Fafnir, why am I naked on this table?" Jon asked.

"Oh, you beautiful man!" Fafnir burst, hugging Jon with a dragon force that knocked them down so that Fafnir was straddling Jon on the table. Fafnir kissed both of his cheeks. "Oh, Jon!"

Davos opened the door. "You sick fuck!" he yelled, pulling Fafnir off the table. Then he saw Jon was alive. "Oh, Jon! You beautiful-"

"Ahhhhh okay okay okay!" Jon exclaimed, pushing both his friends away. "Okay, I get it, I was dying, but I'm alive, okay, geez!"

"Dying?" Davos repeated. "Jon, you were dead for two days!"

"What?!" Jon cried, popping up off the table. He looked at himself again, observing all of the stab wounds on his chest. "Oh, gods!" He turned green and gagged. "Fafnir, did you...?"

"No," said Fafnr. "It was the Red Woman."

Jon vomited on the floor.

Fafnir helped Jon clear out his chamber. "So we're really doing this?" Fafnir asked.

"Yeah," said Jon. "We're really doing this. I will return to Winterfell. Clearly, my watch has ended."

"Alrighty then," said Fafnir.

"And surely you will follow Shireen back to Dragonstone," said Jon.

"Oh?" Fafnir asked.

Jon looked at him, dumbfounded. "You swore allegiance to her," said Jon. "You have to go with her, and her home is Dragonstone, hundreds of miles from Winterfell."

"Oh," said Fafnir. "Of course."

The two men swallowed tears, then hugged. Dolorous Edd walked in, said, "Excuse me," then turned around.

"Dammit," said Jon. "Why do people always find us like this? EDD! Edd, it's okay!"

Edd returned. "Jon, you can't go."

"Edd, I died," said Jon.

"I don't want to be Lord Commander!" Edd protested.

"Woah, Edd's Lord Commander now? Nice!" Fafnir said.

"I don't want to be Lord Commander!" Edd repeated, more emphatically.

"Neither did I," said Jon. "And now my Watch has ended, and I've appointed you."

"But why though," Edd whined.

"Because you're the only bloody person left in this dump that I trust," said Jon. "So please, Edd, be the Lord Commander."

Tears welled up in Edd's eyes, and then he hugged Jon. "I'm going to miss you, man," he said. "Also, your sister's here."

"My what?!" Jon cried. He pushed Edd away and rushed out of the chamber.

Fafnir tentatively walked into Jon's office where he was speaking with his sister, Sansa. The pair stopped talking and stared at him. "Sansa," said Jon, "this is Fafnir."

"Hello, Ser Fafnir," said Sansa. "Lady Shireen spoke very highly of you."

"Thank you," said Fafnir. "Um, Jon, there's a letter. Also the really tall woman keeps staring at me, and Tormund keeps staring at her. It's a whole thing."

Jon sighed. "Always with the things. Okay, give me the letter. Who's this one from?"

"I dunno this one," said Fafnir, looking at the seal. "It's got a little guy on it." He handed the envelope to Jon.

"That's the Bolton seal," said Sansa.

"Bolton. That's the one that took your family's castle, right?" asked Fafnir.

"Yes, that's the one," said Jon, reading over the letter. "Holy shit."

"What? What is it?" Sansa said, looking over the top of the letter.

"He has Rickon!" Jon exclaimed.

"WHAT?!" Sansa cried, grabbing the letter from Jon.

"Rickon...Rickon...Rickon," Fafnir thought aloud. "Oh! The little one!"

"Yeah yeah yeah," said Jon, dismissively.

"Ohhh no, this is not good," Sansa said. "Ramsey signed it."

"Right," said Jon.

"Ramsey...Ramsey...Ramsey," Fafnir muttered.

"Ramsey doesn't write letters...Roose is dead!" Sansa declared.

"Roose...Oh! That's the guy that took over your family's castle!" Fafnir said.

"YES, FAFNIR!" Jon and Sansa exclaimed together.

"Jon, he cannot be Warden of the North! He's a freaking psychopath! I can barely talk about some of the things he's done," said Sansa.

"Don't worry," said Jon. "We won't abandon Rickon. Tormund and the wildlings, they'll come with us. They'll fight for us."

"You want to storm Winterfell with wildlings?!" Sansa shrieked.

"Woah woah woah, storming a castle? This escalated very quickly!" Fafnir said.

"Uh-huh," said Jon. "Fafnir, just read this." Fafnir took the letter and scanned the contents. "Ohh...ewwww! Who is this prick?"

"That's my husband," said Sansa.

"You're married to this?" Fafnir asked, throwing down the letter. Sansa nodded. Fafnir nodded to Jon. "We're gonna kill this bitch."

"Slow down, Fafnir," said Jon. "You're Shireen's knight. You can't just go running off with me willy-nilly."

"Right," said Fafnir. "Well, good luck, Jon Snow." He hugged Jon. Then he turned to Sansa. "Pleasure to meet you, Lady Sansa. I sincerely hope that your husband dies the most excruciating death possible."

Sansa smiled. "Thank you, Ser Fafnir." Fafnir bowed and took his exit.

Sansa was blushing. "No," said Jon.

"What?" Sansa asked defensively.

"Just, trust me, no, he's not...entirely...human. You don't want that," said Jon.

"I was just looking, gosh!"


Jon and Sansa convened with Brienne of Tarth, Podrick Payne, and Tormund in the Great Hall. Brienne kept looking around after Jon for someone to follow. They discussed their options and sadly decided that they didn't have the numbers to defeat Ramsey. Then, Ser Davos, Shireen, and Fafnir entered. Brienne sat up straight when Fafnir walked in. Shireen walked up to Jon. "House Baratheon stands with House Stark," she said.

"Awww," said Sansa. "That's really sweet, Shireen, but I don't think..."

"That'll do!" Jon exclaimed.

"House Baratheon?" Brienne asked. "House Baratheon has no army."

"We don't need an army," said Shireen. "We have a Fafnir."


They gathered what army they could. Tormund convinced the wildlings to follow. Fafnir brought the Valkyries, and Jon brought Lyanna Mormont and her army, though small. While Fafnir wanted to go right in and decimate Ramsey, Jon convinced Fafnir that they should give him a chance to settle. So Jon, Fafnir, Sansa, Tormund, Davos, and Lyanna met with Ramsey and his goons outside of Winterfell.

"I challenge you to one-on-one combat," Jon said. "Winner take all."

"Psh, no," said Ramsay. "My army outnumbers yours by thousands. I'd be a fool to take that deal."

"So you openly admit that you are a coward," Fafnir said. "Charming."

"I am going to scalp you and wear your hair while I feed your corpse to my dogs," said Ramsay.

"I am going to burn you alive," said Fafnir.

"Fafnir, stop," said Jon.

"Counter-offer," said Ramsay. "I will pardon your desertion from the Night's Watch if you hand over your sister."

"Excuse you? She's right here," said Fafnir. "You're gonna talk about her like she's not even here? This isn't Jon's call. Sansa isn't his property, Sansa, would you like to go back with this sicko?"

"No," said Sansa. "Ramsay, can we see Rickon? All we have is your word that he's alive."

"Sure," said Ramsay. He snapped, and his goons brought out a decapitated wolf's head.

"Oh! Decapitation, that's a good one. I'm going to rip your head off...slowly...and then squeeze your little eyes out," said Fafnir.

"No, Fafnir," said Jon.

"No, actually, yes," said Sansa. "Ramsay, enjoy your last night of life, because tomorrow, we fight, and you die."

"Oooh! Oooh! Ooh! Impalement! Let's impale him, Sansa! Through the butthole!" Fafnir cried, and Sansa smiled.

"Prepare for battle," Jon agreed. The company turned and rode away.

"We're going to go and come up with more ways to kill you," Fafnir said to Ramsay with a bow.

"Fafnir, can you stop?" Jon asked.

"Hey, this is the first time since I've gotten here that I've been free to use my true talents," said Fafnir.

"What do you think about feeding him to his dogs?" Sansa asked.

"Ooooh, eaten alive, that is dark," Fafnir gushed. He smacked Jon on the arm. "I like her."

Sansa blushed.

"Don't," whispered Jon. "Don't say that."


Brienne found Fafnir that night beside the fire. "It's late," she said. "Most of the men have gone to sleep."

"I don't sleep much," said Fafnir.

Brienne sat beside him. "Where are you from?" she asked.

"Ohhh," he said. "Far, far away from here."

Brienne laughed. "Is that so?"

"Yep," said Fafnir.

Brienne waited for him to offer more information, but he didn't, so she continued. "You seem to really have a hold on these people. Jon. Shireen. Those wildling women. They really respect you."

"Yes, I suppose so," said Fafnir. "You came with Sansa, didn't you?"

"Her mother ordered me to protect her," said Brienne. "I'm a woman of my word. Even after her mother died, I decided I must complete my quest."

Fafnir smiled. "I get that," he said. "After I accidentally murdered the entire Baratheon army and King Stannis, Jon wanted me to leave. So I went north to fight wights, because I too, am a man of my word."

"The entire Baratheon army?" she asked.

"Well," said Fafnir, "the Valkyries helped. Gotta give credit where credit is due."

"You know, I can't decide if you're the most arrogant man I've ever met or the most magnificent," said Brienne.

Tormund sauntered over. "Anyone want some ale?" He sat down on the other side of Brienne and pushed an alehorn in her face. "Brienne? Big battle tomorrow. Might be our last day alive. Ahem."

"Oh, no," said Fafnir. "That won't be happening."

"Arrogant!" Brienne said.

"Oh," said Tormund, revoking his ale horn. "Oh, I see how it is. You're doing it with Ser Hair over here."

Brienne gasped, then looked at Fafnir, unsure what to say.

"What is it with you people and my hair?" Fafnir asked. Brienne put her hand on his thigh. "And, wait, no! That is not happening!" He jumped up and backed away from them. "Sorry."

Seeing the pain on Brienne's face, Tormund got more angry. "Oh, I see, she's not good enough for you!"

"What, no, that's not what I meant!" Fafnir said. "She's lovely. I just don't do that."

"Oh," said Tormund. "Oh, I get it. You're like Gorkar. We call him Gorkar the Lover of Penis."

"OH!" Brienne exclaimed with a relieved laugh. "Oh, Fafnir, why didn't you just say so?"

"Because that's not..." Fafnir backed into Sansa. "Oh, hello, m'lady."

She was beet red. "Sorry, Fafnir. I was having trouble sleeping, and I thought we might want to discuss ways to kill Ramsay together?"

"I'd love to!" Fafnir exclaimed.

"Well, given new information, I think I'll just go back alone," said Sansa. She turned back to her tent, and then she turned back to Fafnir. "Are you with Jon?"

"NO! I AM NOT A LOVER OF PENIS!" Fafnir shouted.

Shireen walked out of her tent. "Heyyyyyy," they all said awkwardly.