Chapter Twenty-Nine: Pyrophobia

If Shoto can work with him, so can I, Hawks reminded himself as he stood in the lobby of his Agency and waited for Endeavor to arrive.

Endeavor had decided it was time for him and Hawks to actually work together, and while Hawks once would have looked forward to such a partnership with excitement, now he only felt weary exhaustion. At least Shatterpoint was with him. Hawks hated having someone else there to bear witness to the inevitable drama but it was probably best he wasn't alone.

Hawks's phone buzzed and he looked down. Toshinori had sent him a video of a Black Labrador trying to herd a swarm of tiny kittens, poking them with his nose in a futile attempt to keep them together. Their tiny mews filled the air and Hawks chuckled, his foul mood fading. Sometimes he'd swear Toshinori was psychic due to his timing.

"Daaawwwwwww." Pink cooed.

Hawks showed the video to Shatterpoint and the normally stoic Hero's lips twitched suspiciously.

The brief reprieve was mercilessly smothered as the Agency doors opened and Endeavor walked in. Hawks immediately closed the video. He inhaled. Exhaled.

I can work with him.

"Yes, you can." White said.

It felt less like agreement and more like permission.

"Thank you for coming, Endeavor." Hawks greeted formally.

Shatterpoint shot him a searching look.

"Of course." Endeavor said with his usual harsh expression. His gaze flicked to Hawks's bandaged wings and his lip curled. Was he upset by the sight of Hawks's injuries or annoyed that he was injured in the first place? "Where is the latest crime scene?"

"The body was found in Ōhori Park but we suspect the murder took place elsewhere." Hawks handed him the file and watched him flip through it. "It's not far from here if—"

"Do you have a map marking the other crime sites?" Endeavor interrupted.

Hawks nodded and showed him. He remained silent as Endeavor scrutinized the map. If the older Hero noticed his lack of chatter, he kept it to himself.

"The killings are random." Endeavor murmured. "There are no discernible patterns."

"That's what we thought." Hawks said. "However, based on the previous—"

"Take me to the latest site." Endeavor said. He frowned and crossed his arms. "We should have met there."

I thought it would be better not to since the media is still hounding my sidekicks and I. Not to mention the Commission…

Hawks kept his thoughts to himself and looked to Shatterpoint. "Do you mind giving us a ride?"

"Not at all." he said, and although his eyes were narrowed to slits, he did not say anything further.

Hawks smiled at him gratefully.

Shatterpoint sat in the driver's seat while Hawks took the passenger's, leaving Endeavor to the back seat. He looked annoyed by that but there was plenty of room for his large frame. Hawks could feel eyes on his back, or more likely his wings.

"You look like a bedraggled seagull." Endeavor huffed. "Couldn't you at least attempt to make yourself presentable?"

Hawks repressed a sigh. "Until I detach my individual feathers, my wings are a part of my body, like an arm. They are a bit sensitive due to the damage so it's not the best idea to touch them. And the feathers may be a little ragged but they're still functional. I'm not going to waste feathers to look pretty."

"Hmph." Endeavor grunted. "You could still try to at least look like a Hero."

Hawks decided he could not do this today so he did not argue. "Yes, sir."

Hawks saw Shatterpoint bite his tongue to keep himself from speaking. Literally.

"If Endeavor makes one comment about Gold 'learning respect' I'm punching him." Pink growled.

"Is that you or Orange?" Red asked cautiously.

"Me."

Instead of placating Endeavor, Hawks's response only made his scowl deepen.

"I see your recent failure to fight off that Villain has not helped your attitude." he said irritably.

"He did not just imply what I think he did, did he?" Green breathed.

"Does he realize he is blaming you?" Silver demanded, furious.

"Let me shock him." Yellow begged. "Just a zap."

Hawks stared at his former idol tiredly. "Endeavor? You don't know what kind of Hell my week has been, so please keep your unwanted opinions to yourself."

Endeavor's shocked expression would be more appropriate if Hawks had given in to his inner Orange and cussed him out. It might have even been gratifying if Hawks did not currently feel like giving up and throwing himself off a building just to escape the other man.

"You don't really want to, right dumbass?" Orange asked with uncharacteristic nervousness.

Hawks paused to think about it.

The fact that he had to think about it made him realize he was a bit more done with everything than he had assumed. He forced his shoulders not to slump.

No, he said belatedly. I have to take care of you guys.

"We'd like you to take care of yourself, too." Red said warily.

I'm not going to actually throw myself off a building. It was a tasteless and inappropriate joke. Besides, I have wings.

"That's not the point and you know it." Purple stated.

I—

"We want you to live." Pink said bluntly.

Hawks repressed a wince. You're overthinking this. I said it was just a joke—

"We want you to live." Pink repeated fiercely. "You deserve to live."

A heavy hand landed on Hawks's shoulder and he tensed, clutching his hands together and squeezing them tightly. Endeavor's palm was slightly above temperature. Not burning, but Hawks knew that could easily change.

"Endeavor, you forgot to put your seat belt on." Shatterpoint said. His voice was its normal, cool tone but Hawks could see his hands were clenched tightly around the steering wheel.

Endeavor leaned back and did as he was asked without a word.

The rest of the ride was uncomfortably silent. Shatterpoint kept shooting Endeavor neutral looks in the rear view mirror. From him, that may as well be a death glare. Hawks could not bring himself to act peppy and chatter to break the tension.

He was so tired of acting like he was okay.

—with Endeavor.

He was tired of acting like he was okay with Endeavor.

He was not tired of acting like he was okay with everything in general.

He wasn't at that point yet.

They arrived at the scene, where a couple police officers stood watch by lines of yellow tape. The area had been closed off for the investigation but a few civilians lingered, curious as to what was happening. Hawks took note of the faces in the crowd as one of the officers nodded to him and let the Heroes in.

Shatterpoint stayed with the officers to ask more questions while Hawks and Endeavor approached. An outline was drawn on the path in front of them. The arms were outstretched while the legs were tucked under. There was no circle up top where the head should be, only a straight line across the neck. Apparently, the body had been found in a position like a worshiping bow. In life, it spoke of reverence and loyalty. In death, the position was rather mocking.

Endeavor paced around the outline and crouched beside it. "He purposely posed the body this way." he murmured. "But what kind of message was he trying to send?"

"Message: 'I fucking hate this guy, he's a pawn, and I want you to know it.'" Orange growled.

"Orange—" Silver paused. "You may have a point."

"I believe this killing may have been more personal than the others." Hawks told Endeavor. "Himura might have even known the killer…"

Hawks remembered Himura was Amplifier, a Commission agent, and paused as he realized the killer just might an agent as well. A rogue, maybe?

"Wouldn't the Commission keep you off this case then?" Green asked. "They like to cover up things like this."

Hawks had no answer to that.

Endeavor did not ask him to continue his line of thought. Instead the Hero's sharp blue eyes spotted something on the forest floor. Hawks followed his gaze but saw nothing of interest in the dirt.

"What are you…?" Hawks looked up to see Endeavor was moving away.

He did not even glance his way. Hawks might as well be another tree in the background. With a heavy sigh, he followed him away from the crime scene.

Before, Hawks would ask 'You see something, big guy?'

Before, he'd make exaggerated faces and sigh at the tedious work to break the quiet.

Before, he'd do everything he could to slowly get on Endeavor's nerves until he exploded because he thought the other Hero took everything way too seriously and really should lighten up.

Now, Hawks remained silent as he followed Endeavor through the woods. He did not voice his opinion or fill the air with inane babble. He did not linger too close or ask what Endeavor was doing. Instead he merely followed like a servant who knew better than to speak unless he was spoken to.

Hawks should do better to act like nothing was amiss, but deep down he knew it was a waste of energy. The change in his demeanor would be obvious to anyone who knew him the slightest bit and Endeavor had to have noticed. Apparently he did not care. The bitter side of Hawks— one he knew was not influenced by the voices— wondered if Endeavor found his silence preferable.

Abruptly, Endeavor stopped. Hawks nearly ran into his back but halted just in time.

Endeavor's frown deepened. "It's gone."

"What is?" Hawks asked.

Endeavor shot him an annoyed glare. "The trail."

"Right." Hawks murmured. He squinted at the ground. "Do you have infrared vision or something? Because I didn't see a trail." The tone he used was one he saved for small talk with those he did not really want to speak with. Polite, reserved, and hiding all of his emotions.

Despite that, Endeavor's expression grew absolutely frigid. "I'm growing tired of your attitude."

Hawks was honestly perplexed. What attitude? "Hold up. Me being quiet annoys you? And here I thought you hated my chipper and loud personality." He waved vaguely, the picture of unbothered. "Sorry I'm not up to acting cheerful. I'm just having an off day—"

Endeavor stepped close to him, getting in his space and Hawks went silent, instinctively backing up a step. He had had to crane his neck to look up at his former idol's thunderous face.

"We are on a mission." Endeavor snarled. "You could at least act professional instead of acting like a spoiled brat."

Are we having two different conversations or am I missing something obvious? Hawks asked the voices, bewildered.

"Something's not right. I think we should head back to the others." White said tightly.

His nerves chaffed at Hawks and he crossed his arms, gripping his sleeves. "I am acting professional?" He did not intend to voice it as a question but it slipped out, sending another bolt of nerves through him and the voices. He began to inch around Endeavor. "But okay. Whatever. Let's go tell the police about your trail and—"

A heavy hand landed on his arm.

"Enough." Endeavor said coldly. "Don't think I haven't noticed your disrespectful attitude, boy."

Hawks's shoulders tensed and his wings fluffed up. He tried to force the feathers to go flat but they refused to listen to his commands. Endeavor's grip tightened enough that he knew it was going to bruise and his shoulder began to sting from heat.

It was far from the first time Endeavor had acted like this when Hawks 'stepped out of line', but for the first time, Hawks imagined Shoto in his place. Faster than a grass fire, anger ignited his veins and he shoved Endeavor's hand off of him.

"What are you going to do about my nonexistent 'attitude'? Shove me into a wall? Lift me by my collar? Hit me to shut me up? Burn me again cause that's normal?" Hawks turned away from Endeavor, ignoring White's worried exclamation. "Instead of breathing down my neck about how I live my life, how about you scrutinize your own damn decisions like how you treat your own family—"

Burning hands grabbed his shoulders and shoved him against the tree. Panic gripped Hawks— White no please not now— and he did the stupid thing and froze. Endeavor yanked him up by his collar so their eyes were level and Hawks's feet dangled high off the ground.

"What did you just say?" Endeavor snarled.

"You heard me." Hawks said more steadily than he thought he could manage. He looked his former hero straight in the eye. "I know what you did to your family. Your wife and children. I know what you put them through. You track down and arrest abusers every other day. You had to know what you're doing is wrong. Otherwise what kind of screwed up morals do you have that you think beating your wife and sons is okay?" His eyes stung but he did not cry. He would not cry because he lost the gilded image he had of this man. "I can't believe I looked up to you—"

A large, burning hand grasped his throat and Hawks choked. Endeavor leaned close, flames flicking near millimeters from Hawks' face. Despite his fire, his blue eyes were ice, filled with a violent rage Hawks hoped he never got close to experiencing.

"Who told you this?" Endeavor demanded. When Hawks did not answer, he gave him a harsh shake. "Tell me! What I do with my family is my private business—"

Hawks laughed mirthlessly. It was breathless and painful, like someone had shoved cotton and glass shards into down his esophagus, but he couldn't stop.

"You do know it's abuse." he cackled so he would not break down. "You can hide behind your bullshit 'privacy' excuses all you want but you know what you did was wrong so you're— Mmpf!"

Endeavor clamped a hand over his mouth. Hawks felt the irrational desire to laugh more despite the uncomfortable heat coming from the other Hero's palm.

"You will keep your childish attempts at slander to yourself." Endeavor said coldly.

Hawks glared back at him and jerked his head, forcing the hand off his mouth so he could speak. "It's not slander and you know it." He snarled. "Why else keep your 'glorious' eugenics and training regime to yourself other than to cover your abusive ass—"

Endeavor's grip tightened, cutting him off with a pained grunt. He could still breathe, but it was starting to hurt. Was throttling him a reflex or intentional?

"You know nothing about what I've sacrificed." Endeavor hissed. "You, the Hero prodigy, the lazy upstart who has been handed victory and never had to struggle a day in his life—"

Hawks scoffed out loud. "I think I need to interject and tell you I'm not All Might." he rasped. "That's who you're really mad at for supposedly 'not struggling', right? That's who you're so desperate to surpass you'd beat your family. And if you think he's never had a rough time, you're delusional. He's human, too."

"You're just as bad as All Might." Endeavor snarled. "Flaunting your status while others fall forgotten in your wake. My son should be where you are. A Top Ranked Hero known all throughout Japan." Any fleeting sympathy Hawks had was vanquished by Endeavor's next words. "His flames were more powerful than my own. If he had not been born with his mother's weakness, he would have been a masterpiece."

Hawks could not keep his horror off his face. "Your son died and that's how you talk about him?"

"My private life is not your concern." Endeavor repeated. There was something wild in his eyes, reminding Hawks of a feral dog. It put him on edge. "Yours, or anyone. So you will keep your misconceptions to yourself or there will be consequences. Am I understood?"

Hawks did not say it was too late. He did not say Miruko was already investigating. He did not say Endeavor would not be able to hide this forever. He merely glared at his former Hero with utter contempt.

"Never."

Endeavor shook him by the neck like an infuriated dog disciplined a misbehaving pup. Hawks would not mind as much if not for his back, which slammed into the tree. Once, twice, thrice. He felt the wood splinter and pain lanced through his wings but he did not utter a sound.

Shatterpoint and the police were nearby. All Hawks had to do was scream and they would come running. They would see Endeavor assaulting him and stop him. Maybe they'd arrest him. Maybe Endeavor would come up with an excuse. Maybe Hawks himself would come up with an excuse.

But Hawks did not scream. He did not call for help or fight back despite half the voices begging him to. The other half were in a mindless panic, torn between their desire to stop Endeavor and the realization that if someone saw what was happening, the current Number Two Hero would be exposed to be in need of anger management at the very least.

Nothing had changed when it came to exposing Endeavor like this. He was still the Number Two Hero and the next in line for Number One once All Might was out of the way. Letting anyone know he attacked Hawks and why would only lead to a media circus that would help no one, and certainly not the Todorokis.

That was what Hawks told himself as Endeavor grabbed his hair and yanked it as he shouted demands for his informant's identity in his face, his hands grew hotter and hotter.

But then Endeavor punched him, right in the throat.

Hawks was completely unprepared for such a blow, eyes going round and chest heaving as he struggled to breathe. A mad light burned in Endeavor's eyes— the crazed light of a desperate, furious man— and Hawks's mind flashed to Dabi, grinning sadistically as his blue flames encased his left side—

Not now. White, not now p̶̦̆l̴̬͊ę̸̽a̵̳͝s̶͎̈e̸͇͌

He could hear Endeavor speaking but could not decipher the words amid the roar of burning flames in his ears. Endeavor shook him again and his head smashed into the tree. Wood chips and splinters stuck in his hair and his scalp stung. Endeavor pressed his forearm across Hawks's throat, leaning so close he could feel the heat from his flaming beard.

"—tell me who told you!" Endeavor demanded.

His hands and arm were too hot and Hawks's throat burned. When Hawks remained silent, Endeavor growled, reared back, and slapped him across the face— just like Mom. Hawks crumpled to the ground and Endeavor pinned him, a burning hand clasping his flammable wings.

Fearful clarity— icy and sharp— gripped Hawks and his mind shifted gears.

He went limp but kept his mouth shut because he would not betray his informant no matter how badly he was tortured. He would keep them safe until his last breath, just like the Commission taught him to if he was ever in the hands of the enemy—

"You call yourself a Hero yet you're giving up? How pathetic. If you don't pull yourself together right now I'm taking control again."

Hawks remembered.

Fear became unadulterated terror. Hawks knew this trick. He'd been the recipient of it too many times to count. No matter what he did or did not do, he would face punishment. If he fought Kaetsu like his handler demanded, he would get in trouble for resisting. If he screamed for help, no one would come. If he did not fight then Kaetsu would—

No. Any other punishment was preferable.

There was no choice.

Hawks struggled, elbowing Kaestu in the stomach and throwing him off him with a flare of his wings. He scrambled to his feet and faltered in confusion as he realized he was outside and not in one of the training facilities. Where was he? Was this a new test? That bewilderment cost him as Kaetsu tackled him again.

Except it was not Kaetsu. It was Endeavor. Why was Endeavor attacking him? Had Hawks been bad? Hawks didn't mean to be bad. He promised he would stop being bad. Just punish him here. Please don't tell Kaetsu he'd been bad again. Please, he'd do anything

Hawks's consciousness jolted and he was no longer in control.

He screamed but could not use his mouth to do it, leaving him floundering in a black void as his body kicked Endeavor away from him.

Near-hysterical apologies ran through his mind and he slowly recognized Silver's harried tone. It was Silver controlling his body.

Hawks's terror weakened and he snapped back into control. He hastily backed away from Endeavor, scrambling along the ground like a helpless civilian. Endeavor— who looked angrier than he'd ever seen him before— advanced on him, fists ablaze. The other Hero honestly looked ready to kill him.

This wasn't right.

This couldn't be.

Endeavor was pushy and abusive to his family and tended to shove Hawks around to teach him respect but not to this extent. He would not attack Hawks like he was a Nomu that needed to be beaten into submission and put out of its misery.

Yet here they were, being silenced, just like White feared—

"Leave him alone!"

A small, hooded figure crashed into Endeavor, shoving him away. Hawks heard the male but young voice, lingering somewhere in the midst of puberty, and was horrified to realize a teenager had stepped between him and Endeavor.

Logically, the slim, short teenager should not have been able to shove the large, muscled Endeavor away. 'Logic' did not account for Quirks. Hawks wondered what kind the thin boy had that he could shove Endeavor away with the force of a charging bull.

As he was forced back, Endeavor's shocked reaction almost matched Hawks's own. The kid stayed between the two Heroes, stance firm and unshakable, and Hawks realized he had been trained in combat at the very least. Shit, it wasn't one of the UA kids, was it?

Please don't get hurt for me, was Hawks's first thought.

The boy had been wise to keep his hood up but his attempt at hiding his identity was lackluster at best. Hawks could not see his face, but Endeavor could. The Flame Hero's skin turned bone white. Before he could speak, the boy ran, vanishing into the woods. Endeavor immediately took off after him.

Hawks made to rise but his shaking legs gave out, leaving him on the ground— trembling and emotional and useless— when someone needed him. He gingerly reached up and touched his throat, fingers icy cold against the burnt skin. Blood dripped from his split lip, his cheek felt puffy—as did his eye— and he could only pray it did not look as bad as it felt.

"What the hell just happened?" Orange demanded.

"Endeavor went nuts." Yellow said shakily.

"I predicted his reaction would be violent, but not that violent." Green said, audibly disturbed.

"Are you okay, Gold?" Red asked frantically. "May I use some feathers for bandages and a salve?"

Hawks did not answer her. He slowly wiped a drop of blood from his split lip as his other hand clasped at his burnt throat.

Now that Endeavor was away from him, he could calm down.

More importantly, he could think.

Endeavor wouldn't do this.

"Yes he would." Orange snarled.

No. Not like this. He wouldn't confront me in a public place where anyone could walk by and see, and leave me with obvious injuries. He would have dragged me somewhere private before trying to pressure me into keeping my mouth shut. Hawks's heartbeat sped up. White, were you afraid he would become violent?

"…Yes." White admitted.

Hawks forgot how to breathe. He's here.

His gaze raked over the surrounding area, searching frantically for anyone between the trees. He jumped as a large figure appeared among them but it was Endeavor. The other Hero stormed up to him and grasped his arm.

"You will keep this to yourself." he hissed.

Any lingering fear Hawks had was stomped out.

"Where's that child?" he demanded. "What did you do—?"

"He got away." Endeavor growled. He looked too furious for it to be a lie. "And that was no child. Something else took that form."

Hawks's heart crawled into his throat. Toga. But why would she help me?

"She wouldn't." Green said instantly. "It couldn't be Toga. That kid was too calm. He ignored your blood completely."

Endeavor grasped Hawks's shoulder and he stiffened, preparing himself for a fight. Endeavor did not shake or try to burn him, but his hand was too hot, passing on his warning.

"You will not speak of this to anyone." Endeavor commanded again.

Hawks wondered how Endeavor could think he'd keep silent about his home life. He wondered how his former Hero could think leaving implied threats towards another Hero was perfectly acceptable. Still, Hawks purposely dropped his gaze as if in submission.

"Yes, sir."

Endeavor's gaze grew colder. He turned around without another word and walked away. Hawks watched him go and swallowed a frustrated scream.

If it were most other Heroes, Hawks would be able to definitively say Kaetsu was influencing their behavior and bringing his— No, not his.— bringing White's fear of a violent and disbelieving reaction to life. But Endeavor was not other Heroes.

Did he always hate me this much?

"No." Green claimed.

"Yes." Orange spat.

Hawks did not know who he believed. He silently followed Endeavor back towards the car. The police and Shatterpoint glanced their way and did a double take. Hawks knew they had spotted his disheveled appearance. It would be impossible not to.

Hawks smiled disarmingly and scratched at his cheek, the very image of sheepish. "I fell into a bush."

The two police officers relaxed and chuckled. Of course they did. Endeavor and Hawks were Heroes. Endeavor would never attack a fellow Hero, and the wonderful and truthful and justified Heroes would have said something if they ran into a Villain.

Hawks wondered how officers of the law could be so blind.

Shatterpoint did not relax. He did not laugh. He hurried over to Hawks and carefully brushed some hair out of his face. Their eyes locked and Hawks's smile faltered when he realized Shatterpoint was not fooled by his excuse. Not at all.

"Why did you leave my side?" Shatterpoint demanded.

He wasn't angry. He was scared.

Purple realized what happened at the same time as Hawks.

"What kind of Quirk does this Kaetsu guy have?" he breathed.

Despite the voice's alarm, Hawks could hardly dare to hope. You believe me about Kaetsu being here and influencing Endeavor?

Purple shifted uncomfortably. "I… don't know."

Hawks forced his hurt deep inside where even he could hardly feel it.

As he followed Shatterpoint and Endeavor back to the car, he wondered how he could hide the marks from Miruko and Mockingjay.

XXXXXXX

I am a klutz and tripped.

No, too cliche.

I fell down stairs.

Still too cliche.

I flew into a window.

Okay, I know I have some bird brain moments but I never do that. Plus that wouldn't explain the hand marks… Self-directed stress grip, maybe? Though why I would grab my own throat is beyond me. Also the marks are too big. Shoot. What do you think?

Silence met Hawks's question. He did not press the voices for a response. Instead he headed to the bathroom and searched it for the fourth time since returning to his office, refusing to admit he was upset when he failed to find his stash of cosmetics. That left his injuries fully exposed, only hidden by his clothes. And unless he decided to put on a full mask, Mockingjay would notice when she came back.

He did not want to see her reaction to his injuries.

He did not want to have to answer her questions about where they came from.

Hawks reluctantly returned to his desk, glancing nervously towards his office door, and called his receptionist to tell her to tell him if Mockingjay showed up. She saw nothing odd about the request and cheerfully agreed. Hawks relaxed and gave the voices a few more minutes to gather their thoughts, absently going through reports as he did so until he realized they weren't going to answer.

Hello? I could use some input at any time.

"Why?" Orange asked sourly. "Why should we help you hide that Endeavor hurt you again?"

Hawks gritted his teeth. Because he was being influenced.

"Right." White said skeptically. "He was completely influenced by Kaetsu's Quirk to attack you after you revealed you know he's an abusive, shitty father."

"Language." Silver said but there was no energy behind the admonishment.

"Are you sure you aren't just making excuses for Endeavor again?" Purple asked bluntly.

Hawks froze. His skin drained of color. I'm sor—

"Purple!" Silver snapped, interrupting him. "How could you ask that?"

Because it might be true, Hawks thought for him. A hollow feeling spread throughout his body, leaving numbness behind. How can I trust my own claims of Quirk usage when I barely know Kaetsu's limits myself?

"I'm not saying I don't believe you." Purple backtracked hastily. "I'm just saying we shouldn't jump to conclusions."

"It would help if we knew what Kaetsu could do." Yellow mentioned.

Hawks huddled in his jacket and tucked his chin. You're right. His involvement is impairing my judgment. I'm sorry.

"Please stop apologizing." White said wearily.

Hawks understood his bone-deep exhaustion. He wanted nothing more than to lay down and not get up again, because despite his earlier claims, he was inching closer to being absolutely done with everything.

"You're upset we don't believe you." Green noted.

How'd you figure that out, genius? Hawks asked with less fire and more pitiful misery than he intended.

"We don't know what happened with Kaetsu." Green began carefully as his 'because you won't tell us' went unsaid. "But it's effected you… badly. You've been a bit… whiplashy—" Hawks knew he meant 'unstable.' "— in your moods since you defied the Commission."

I'm not dealing, Hawks admitted. His skin felt cold and he recognized the signs of an incoming anxiety attack. I'm not dealing. Endeavor, the Commission, Rumi, the Meta Liberation Army and the League, Eri, UA, our Quirks, Kaetsu… Mostly Kaetsu. Hawks laid his head down on the desktop, shoulders shaking, but did not cry. He did not cry. It's too much.

"Okay." Green said calmly though he sounded close to tears himself. "Do you want to talk to Mockingjay about it? Or Rumi?"

A chill went up Hawks's spine at the thought. I won't be able to stop them if I tell them all of it. I won't let them become Villains for my sake.

"It's that bad?" Pink whispered.

Hawks nodded.

"Gold, please." Green begged. "We need to know so we can help."

Hawks knew that. He understood that by keeping it to himself, he was just being a hypocrite and putting them all in greater danger. They needed to understand why hearing Kaetsu's name made him shake, why his Quirk scared him so badly, and why he believed Kaetsu had some hand in today's events.

It was selfish of him to continue to keep them in the dark when their own trauma was so exposed to him.

I need to talk to Toshinori.

"That may not be a good idea." Green said instantly.

"Don't shove us away again!" Orange snapped at the same time.

Hawks wilted. I'm not. I j-just… His shoulder ached. Why can't I talk to Toshinori? I promise I'll let you listen.

His voice sounded more fragile than he wanted to admit.

Green instantly backtracked. "Gold, you don't have to—"

I do. Hawks's shoulder ached. Ghostly pain radiated from it, making his chest prickle. I need to talk to someone or I think I'm going to do something stupid.

"Do it." Orange said instantly.

Both he and Hawks would deny there was unease in his voice.

Hawks scrolled to Toshinori's number. He stared at it, and despite Green's whispers that it was actually okay to call Toshinori, his paranoia got the best of him— Why would Green say it was a bad idea?— and he could not bear to.

Instead he scrolled upward and pressed call. It only rang once before it was picked up.

"Hello, Hawks." Tensei Iida's cheerful voice failed to calm Hawks down. "How are you—"

"Are you busy?" Hawks whispered.

"No." Tensei said instantly. "What do you need?"

Hawks licked his dry lips. "Can I come over? Now?"

"Of course. I'm at my place. Not the family home." He rattled off the address and Hawks heard the jangle of keys. "Do you need a ride?"

"No. I can fly. See you soon."

Hawks hung up before Tensei could ask any more questions. He stood in a stunned stupor for a moment as he realized what he had done. The walls of his office were too close. They closed in, wavering in front of his eyes as his vision slid, and his breath came in sharp pants.

He needed air.

The walls were too close.

They were suffocating him.

He needed air.

He jumped right out of his office window.

He heard someone yell at him to stop but he did not turn back. He immediately got a call from Mockingjay but did not answer. Instead he sent a text saying he was going to Tensei's and turned off his phone and communicator.

Even as everything blurred around Hawks, his flight speed felt agonizingly uncoordinated and slow, with every beat of his wings reverberating through his shivering body and making it ache. He did not stop, consumed by the terrified urge to get away get away get away before they trap you—

Eventually the sound of muffled shouting reached his static-filled ears and he realized it was Silver.

"Hawks! Where are you going? Tensei's house isn't this way."

Hawks blinked in confusion and glanced down at the unfamiliar city landscape below him. What was this? Where was he? How far had he flown? Had he drifted mid-flight?

Muddled, panic-tinged confusion tore through him and he wrapped his arms around his torso, taking a shuddering breath as he struggled to orient himself.

"We headed east." Red helpfully told him before he could apologize.

R-Right. Thanks.

He turned around and flew in the correct direction.

The rest of the flight to Tensei's home was much calmer than he expected. It wasn't that he thought he would be shot out of the sky, but the more distance he put between himself and Fukuoka— None of the voices commented about how he'd somehow lost track of his location so close to home.— the more his panic faded and his head cleared. He'd be happier about if he were ignorant to how it was not due to a healthy mindset. Quite the opposite, actually.

The serenity Hawks felt was that of a man headed to his death because he knew nothing would be the same after this.

He could only hope Tensei would not b̸̂͜l̵̥̔á̸̧m̷̲̓ẻ̴͔— be too disgusted with him.

Of all the places for Tensei Iida to live, a blue house in an isolated wooden area was not on the list. It was built in a Western style more than traditional Japenese, with a literal white picket fence along the front yard. The standalone home was tiny compared to the Yaoyorozu residence or End— the Todo— the Iida Family estate, but still much bigger than Hawks expected. As he landed outside, Hawks took some comfort that it was unlikely the news would be able to follow him here.

Tensei was waiting on the front porch, once hand laid on the golden knob of his white door. Silver's joy at seeing his brother again was muffled and subdued.

His face was drawn, making him appear decades older than he was. "Hawks? You're hurt."

Hawks blinked rapidly. "I—" His shoulders hunched and he glanced around self-consciously.

Tensei stepped aside. "Come right in."

He ushered Hawks inside and shut the door behind them.

The inside of the house was as nice as the outside, with more furniture and items than Hawks had ever owned in his life. The wall above the couch had a huge frame filled with photographs, and among them Hawks spotted pictures of Tensei's family and a group shot of the students of Class 1-A.

He also saw one of Endeavor, scowling at the camera as an obliviously-grinning All Might slung an arm across his shoulders.

Hawks's legs turned into a newborn foal's and he barely made it to the couch before collapsing. Tensei knelt in front of him and gently brushed his hair away from his face. Hawks knew he saw the burns and darkening bruises there.

"What happened?"

Hawks focused on Tensei's nose so he could pretend to be looking into his eyes. He opened his mouth and said—

"Endeavor."

The voices' alarm pierced Hawks and he clapped a hand over his mouth.

"I didn't— Nothing happened. I meant to say noth—" Shame doused Hawks like he'd been thrown into a bar of ice water and he began to shake. "I'm so sorry."

Tensei's face was white. "Hawks, what do you mean Endeavor did this to you?"

Hawks flinched. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Now Tensei sounded close to tears himself.

Hawks should say something comforting but he was caught in a whirlpool, unable to escape. "I'm sorry."

Tensei looked panicked now. He was speaking but Hawks barely noticed.

"I'm sorry."

The voices finally realized who he was apologizing to. White shifted and Hawks flinched, expecting anger and condemnation because he'd stupidly blabbed what they had worked so hard to keep secret. Instead a surprisingly warm presence brushed his mind.

"You can tell him. We shouldn't have forced you to keep this to yourself."

Hawks took a shuddering breath and slowly reached up to pull down his collar, exposing the burns on his throat. Tensei's mouth moved wordlessly and his gaunt face seemed to grow greyer as he put the pieces together.

Hawks swallowed roughly. "Could you take pictures? For evidence?"

Tensei nodded mutely. He turned and stumbled out of the room like a drunken man, nearly bumping into the wall on the way out. He hit the same wall on the way back and it cracked loudly. Hawks's already fried nerves went into overdrive and he jumped behind the couch for cover before registering where the sound had come from.

Tensei halted on the other side of the couch and did not approach. "Hawks?"

"I'm fine. Sorry." he whispered.

Tensei set the camera down. Hawks's gaze followed it like it was a live bomb that was ready to go off.

"Do you want to talk to a friend or a Pro Hero?" Tensei asked seriously.

Hawks's brain went foggy. He heard muffled alarm from the voices but could not find it within himself to be bothered by it.

"We should compile evidence and I will give my report." he said tonelessly.

"Hawks." Warm— not burning— hands gripped his. Tensei's gentle blue eyes— so different than Endeavor's icy blue— met his. "What do you want?"

Hawks forced his voice to work. "Friend."

"Okay." Tensei breathed. Hawks felt a quivering sensation and looked down to see the Pro Hero's hands were trembling. "What happened?"

Hawks should lie. He should fudge the truth to keep Tensei from finding it out. He should downplay his injuries, and joke about falling into a burning bush or something, because if Tensei found out, other Heroes would not be far behind.

Hawks was so tired of lying.

"I figured out that Endeavor abused his family a while ago. Today I got angry and confronted him like an idiot instead of doing the smart thing and waiting for the evidence to be put together." Hawks loathed to admit his voice cracked. "Endeavor threatened me and attacked me. He— He might have been under the influence of a Quirk but at least some of it was him alone. He burned me and grabbed my wings and kept demanding I tell him who spilled—" He jolted upright and nearly shoved Tensei away from him in his panic to rise. "What if he goes home and thinks Shoto said something?"

Tensei already had his phone out. He sent a quick text and put it away. "I told Tenya to invite Shoto home after class."

Hawks relaxed. "Thank you." He realized what Tensei had said and felt his eyes widen. "You're… acting on what I said?"

"Yes." Tensei said simply.

The words failed to make sense to Hawks. "You believe me?"

"Yes."

Hawks felt his forehead crinkle. "But I didn't give you evidence." His tone came out rather childish— small, confused, and naive— and his cheeks reddened with shame.

"Hawks..." Tensei's voice teetered somewhere between grief and anger, ready to fall into one emotion or the other. "Your word and injuries are enough evidence."

Hawks touched his burnt throat. It closed up and he lowered his head, eyes burning. "It might not have been his fault," he felt the need to say, despite the possibility that he was simply defending Endeavor again. "He might have been under the influence of a Quirk. I… don't know if he was. But he might have. So— So I have to give him the benefit of the doubt, r-right?" He rubbed at his eyes. "I'm not going to cry about him."

"You looked up to him. You thought he was a good man." This time it was Tensei's voice that cracked as his composure slipped.

Hawks wondered if it was hitting him now, what Endeavor's actions meant for the Todorokis and Hero Society as a whole.

"I keep defending him." Hawks admitted, voice choked with guilt. "And I don't know if it's because I genuinely think he's not completely bad and thus deserves a chance, or if I'm making excuses for him. I… I'm so lost. I feel like I don't know my own head. Sometimes it feels like I'm going crazy. I don't know what's real. What are my feelings?" His vision blurred but he did not cry. "I can't trust my own judgment. I can't trust my own thoughts and memories anymore. I don't know if I ever could."

"What do you mean?"

Tensei looked so concerned. So genuinely supportive.

Would that look be replaced by revulsion when Hawks told him the truth?

Hawks did not want to find out, but he had promised the voices he'd tell them what their enemy could do.

So he did.

"When I was sixteen years old, I pushed the Commission too far." Hawks could not bear to look at Tensei's face and dropped his gaze to the floor. "My greatest fear was losing the last bit of control I had left in my life, so a handler of mine— Kaetsu— used his Fearful Fantasy Quirk to control me completely for almost a year."

XXXXXXX

A/N: Once again, I am going to be super busy so expect replies to questions to be late.

Next chapter will be uploaded around the 27th-ish.