The Bolthole
1881
"What the devil are you doing up here?"
"I like the peace and quiet."
"That is most unfortunate as I have been calling your name for ten minutes and rather loudly too."
"Yes I heard you, even up here. No doubt most of Baker Street heard."
He moved forward and the darkness immersed him ."Yet here you are Miss Watson and not where I want you. Come down at once."
"I mentioned liking 'peace and quiet' Mr Holmes, did you not hear that?"
"Unlike yourself Madam, my hearing is excellent."
"But selective."
"However in that instance we do seem to have equivalence. Well?"
"Well what?"
"You are still there and I am waiting, rather impatiently I may add. Are you going to sit in the actual dark and leave me metaphorically so?"
He was now becoming annoying, "must you speak so cleverly all the time? My brain hurts analysing everything."
"Yet you do it so well. We have already discussed this, I do not understate my genius nor do I overstate it, it exists and there is very little one can do about it."
"Except go on and on and on."
"Will you please stop mumbling, if you intend to insult me have the decency and courage to do it boldly. Now come down here."
"No, I will not."
"Then I shall come up, all this shouting is dashed inconvenient."
"Yes it is, must I repeat the words 'peace and quiet'? Frankly I would rather you left me alone Mr Holmes. Go away."
"If one wishes to resolve a situation, one must deal with it directly. Now move over I am coming up… How did you ever get up there?"
"To the left of the door is a hole, big enough for a foothold and there is another within arms reach, above where the paint stops."
"Rather clever of you, here give me your hand to help."
"I will not encourage you in inconveniencing myself."
"Dear-me, you are upset."
"Did you 'deduce' that? How clever of you."
"Move over a little more. Dashed lucky you are continuously emaciated or I would never fit up here- I say, this is somewhat intimate, would it not be more comfortable to move downstairs on our large sofa and talk?"
"Oh do grow up Holmes, we have also 'discussed' social interaction remember? It is occasionally acceptable to touch other people without suggesting familiarity, you know that now, I explained it."
"You mentioned nothing about being this intimate and in the dark."
"Well I am not moving, so if you care little of this situation then go away."
"Very well, I will put aside my natural reticence, except awkwardness and soldier on. Now why are you hiding in here?"
"Because it is peaceful and quiet, remember?"
" Yes, almost all sound is blocked, that must be these solid dividing walls, they will have been constructed of reinforced materials. Theoretically this room should belong to the roof next door, however the builders have placed it here to accommodate a connection between the rear chimneys."
"You experience a sense of isolation and warmth up here."
"Quite, the chimneys are giving off heat, which increases temperature , I believe an appropriate description would be 'cosy'."
"Sometimes, but when you are not at home it feels cold."
He shifted uncomfortably at that, "please elucidate?"
I actually laughed at the sudden change of timber in his voice, "oh do not flatter yourself sir, Mrs Hudson does not light the fire unless you are downstairs, therefore this chimney breast is cold. I would light the fire myself and then come up here, but one can never predict when this space is needed and at present I do not contribute to the payment of the coal in the sitting room, so it would be stealing."
He sniffed, "well, I shall remember this place should I wish to escape from all the squawking females in the house. It is an excellent bolthole. Why are you up here?"
"Peace and quiet."
"I can see direct questioning is only inducing repetition, another method of investigation is required." He shifted his body again and though I could not see, I could distinctly hear him rubbing his hands together. "It appears I have offended you Miss Watson, it was certainly not deliberate. It is also unproductive to sit and wallow over an occurrence that was unintentional. There-now, it is done, can we move downstairs?"
"What! What is done? Oh, you-you assumed this has something to do with yourself? How totally and utterly selfish-"
"Please do not raise your voice Madam, we have established that my hearing is excellent. Now we have co-habited for just under five months. During this time I have no-doubt offended you on numerous occasions, as you have me. We will keep doing so, that is a given fact considering our differing temperaments. Indeed it is not in my habit to concern myself with other people's feelings or adhere to their idiosyncrasies, therefore I will ignore or dismiss both, you must accept that. You on the other hand are habitually even tempered and being a nurse, capable of great stoicism, please utilise it."
"But you are wrong for once Mr Holmes, those wonderful deductive skills have let you down. This has absolutely nothing to do with yourself, nor your deplorable manners."
"I have perfectly adequate manners."
"You sir are blunt, demanding and selfish. You grab at things to examine and if they are not useful to your precious investigations, you discard them just as quick. You think everything revolves around the great Mr Sherlock Holmes, even this situation and it does not, so there!"
"Then please enlighten me Madam to my errors."
I was extremely reluctant, but the need to further prove him wrong drove me forward, "it is all the firing of canons and the fireworks."
"The Queens Birthday Celebrations? (There was silence as he waited patiently for me to elaborate.)
"Well… they have been going on for quite some time. They are also…. a little loud… do you not think so?"
"Arrh, so that is it, continuous and repetitive loud bangs. Your usual place is under the bed is it not?"
I cringed, "the bed in my room is rather low, it is practically impossible to store anything but small objects under there."
"So you are unable to get under yourself?" When I groaned loudly, he quickly added, "err- to remove these small objects. Well Watson, you should have explained these matters earlier. I will inform you when the celebrations have concluded and also investigate the possibility of raising your bed." He began to climb down.
"Mr Holmes."
"Yes."
"Why did you come up?"
"Mrs Hudson wishes to discuss dinner arrangements for the week, she refuses to do so with myself as she considers me unreasonable. I do not wish to go without food Madam."
I shook my head, "I have never met anyone who can so effectively use rudeness and selfishness to disguise sentiment."
"How-so?"
"You have just used the pretence of self-importance to make me confess an embarrassing truth and I fell right into your trap. You do not fool me Mr Holmes, you came up here because you wanted to help."
As he opened the door the hallway gaslight illuminated his face and I could see he was smiling, one of his awkward lob-sided ones, "I have absolutely no idea what you mean Miss Watson."
...
1895
"Watson, are you in your bolthole?"
"Yes."
"Mrs Hudson has sent me to find you, she is worried you may have fallen from the roof whilst feeding the pigeons."
"Have you explained how preposterous that notion is?"
"I have abandoned any such corrections, otherwise I would be continuously addressing the women. Would you like anything?"
"What would I want?"
"A cup of tea perhaps?"
"Tea? Why are you being so nice Sherlock Holmes?"
"If Mrs Hudson makes you tea then perhaps I will also be provided with the same, as I am forever saying, a fellow needs to grab at opportunities in this house or he could die from neglect."
"No, honestly I am fine. Once the workmen outside have gone I shall come down and make you tea myself."
"It is not so simple, I have been out and conferred with the fellows, the loud hammering will continue for several more hours. They are securing a firm foundation before the paving is replaced."
"Is this the only section they are replacing?"
"For today, however they intend to progress along the street, apparently it may take several days."
"Oh."
"Would your bed not do, I can place a blanket under there and the aforementioned tea?"
"But the sound does not go away down there, up here is much better, you can hardly hear a thing."
"Watson it has been several years since Afghanistan, years of hiding from this very situation; machinery, fireworks, thunder, indeed any repetitive loud nose. One would expect some type of immunity by now."
"Yes, rather silly of me."
"I have seen you stand firm before gunfire, confront the evilest of creatures and think quickly in a crisis, you are the bravest soul in my acquaintance and yet here you are."
"I am sorry."
"Apologising to myself is redundant. Attempting to hide from these fears is also pointless, you must confront them."
"Perhaps …. next time."
"Very well, so I shall place more coal on the fire then"… he started to leave and then felt the need to add- "of course that is because I am now cold and wish to warm myself."
"Of course you are, that would be nice Holmes, thank you."
...
1897
"Where is my Husband Mrs Nuggins?"
"Ow sud I know?"
"Does he know he has a wonderfully healthy son, with wonderful eyes and a wonderful nose and his fathers hands and ears and smile and thick, beautiful, black hair."
She shrugged.
"Could you please find him and bring him here, I should rather like to see them both together right now."
"Can't, we think es scarpered."
"Good-lord, why would you think that?"
She came over to the bed and lowered her voice, "well Mrs Udson says while you wos a-screaming with the birth, e was walkin the floor next door, cursing an speaking strange foreign things, mad as hops e wos. An in the thick of it Mrs Olmes you gave an almighty wail, loud as can-be, thought the ouse wud come down I did. So after that Udson says she eard imself swearin somethink terrible, an just as loud, 'terrible, terrible words, an lord forgive'im' she says, ere let me do those sheets….."
"Well ?"
"What ?"
"And what happened next ?"
"E then storms in ere like thunder, just when the ed was showin," (she stood up in order to reenact the tale, posing dramatically, chin up and fist in the air) "'I demand to know what is going on!' e blows," (she said this in deep manly tones.) " 'Get im out!' I shouts, so e looks right through me an makes a bee-line for you, 'I can help' e says, 'please let me do somethink, anythink,'" (she was now wringing her hands together and holding them to her heart in a most un-Holmesian like manner. I raised my eyebrows sceptically.)
"Mrs Nuggins, you have been spending too much time at the theatre."
"Ow, I only does the motions to cheer yaself, my owl'man says I cud av been famous for the actin."
"Go on."
"Where wos I?"
"Mr Holmes had entered the room."
"E did, an e says, 'I needs to do somethink,' then as quick as ya like e's at the bed, just ere. So Udson picks up a wet towel and clips is ear. 'Leave now' she says 'you'll be havin er upset and worse for it,' an then she wacks im soundly again. So e olds up is hand like this, 'very well Madam', e says, 'I shall go, but I cannot bear to stand by earin er scream an me doin nothink, (or summit of that sort) and off e goes."
"Did you hear the front door slam?"
"Still locked, we searched the ole ouse an Billy the cellar, not a bloomin air."
"I did not hear you calling for him."
"Udson won't hav noise, upsets the bairn an ya'self she says."
"Well, you need to look at the top of the house. Go to the top floor and straight down the hall. There is a door to the left, it is painted blue, behind that door is a space, it will appear rather dark and empty. Look up and behind, there is a good chance you will see him there, or call and he will answer."
"You're pullin m'leg?"
"Absolutely not, now do hurry, bring him and-"
"No need Jane, I am here." His voice was soft, almost hesitant. "I have finally found the courage to come down, one does not wish to make a nuisance of oneself twice." His hands were buried deep in his pockets, his shoulders slumped and his face strikingly white in the dim light, he looked in my direction and the floor alternately.
"Have you been in the blothole?"
"Yes, are you really out of danger Jane? Are you feeling well?"
"A little tired and weak that is all."
He then shot an uncertain glance at Mrs Nuggins, "is there bleeding still?"
"No, she'll do."
His body then seemed to sag entirely, "If anything had happened to you Jane I-"
"Shusssshhhh, come here and look."
He moved slowly forward, still uncertain, then upon seeing his son his expression changed entirely, "good-lord is that it then?" He placed a finger gently against the tiny hand and it responded by latching onto him with a vise-like grip. "What a strong little beast you are!" there was now a definite excitement in his voice; he peered closer, squeezed his eyes, gave me a sly sideways look and then managed to produce a look of comic disappointment, "I-say Jane, why is it covered in so much black hair and that nose is evidently much too large. Could you not have spawned something that looked less like myself?"
"'It' is a 'he' and one more poor word about your beautiful son Sherlock Holmes and it is back to that bolt-hole and with a black eye."
His resulting smile and the full set of teeth made me feel weaker still, "I promise not another syllable madam, I have had quite enough of being bashed about and scared out of my wits by screaming females. Now pass him over will you, us fellows need to stick together and I can see by his grabbing little hand he is a kindred spirt, we are going to get along famously my-boy, famously."
oooopppppp00000000000OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO00000000oooooooooooooo
I do hope that everyone is staying safe and strong. I am isolating like most people in the world, trying to stop the virus spread.
Take care Teganx
