Tired
"Where's dad?" Thea asked, standing in her mother's hospital room after coming to join Jude with Cassie.
"He went down to the café to give us some time in here." Jude said.
"He's been here all night and morning?" Thea asked as Jude nodded.
"Yeah and I wouldn't bother telling him that he needs to go home. He's not moving." Jude accepted, "They did another scan. Good news is that the swelling in the brain has gone down a lot." She said positively, "Which means they don't have to do surgery." She said as Thea and Cassie nodded.
"Well I… I brought some things for her." Thea shrugged, sitting the bag down on the chair, "You know… for when she wakes up." She nodded positively as Jude watched her.
"What'd you bring?" Jude asked curiously.
"Well some books and stuff." Thea said.
"She's got brain damage and you've brought her books to read?" Jude questioned as Thea looked over at her, "Are you stupid?" She shook her head as Cassie groaned a little.
"They've not confirmed it as brain damage." Thea shook her head.
"She's in a coma. Are you… Are you seeing this?" Jude asked, looking at their mother, "She's not reading shit when she wakes up-"
"Jude." Cassie shook her head, "Just calm down." She advised. She was sure Thea's thought process behind bringing her mother some things wasn't for her to actually use them. It was more of a comfort thing.
"You talk about her like she's dead. She's still there." Thea said angrily, "And she'll wake up. And when she does, she might wanna read a book so I've brought some books. Ok?" Thea glared at Jude, "The hell is wrong with you?" She shook her head, unpacking the books from the bag and sitting them on the table beside the bed, as well as some pictures of them.
"I overheard the doctor telling dad that sometimes… patients in her state don't wake up, and that we have to make a decision." Jude said as Thea turned to her, "To turn off all the machines." She said as Cassie turned to her, "If weeks go by and she doesn't wake up. And it's dad who has to make the decision." She said. She didn't want to be fooled by any false hope.
"Why don't you just think positive for now?" Thea asked, slightly angry that her sister would even bring up the worst possible scenario for all of them, "She'll wake up." She said as Cassie stood quietly, looking on at her mother.
"She's so still." Cassie said, walking around the bed, fixing her mother's hair out of her face, "She still has the best hair out of all of us. It's really not fair." She said as Thea smiled.
"Yeah, she has good hair." Thea agreed as Jude watched them both.
"Why are you both acting like nothing is wrong?" Jude asked them with confusion as they turned to her, "I can barely stand here and look at her and you guys are talking about her hair." She shook her head with confusion, backing away out of the room as Thea sighed to herself.
"I'll get her." Thea said, leaving the room and catching up with Jude in the hall, "Hey, wait." She ran after Jude.
"No, I can't do this." Jude shook her head.
"Yes you can." Thea said, turning Jude around, "We can't all stand over her in silence, mourning over her when she's still… alive and breathing." She said, "You don't have to prepare yourself to lose her." She made clear, "The swelling has gone down in her brain. That's a good thing. That means it's trying to heal." She made clear.
"How can you go in there and just… act calm?" Jude shook her head.
"Because I know that's what mom would expect from us. She'd be mad if we were all sitting crying by her bed." Thea said as Jude sighed to herself, "I am scared just like you are, and so is Cassie, but we have to stick together." She said, "And hope for the best." She nodded, "Think about what you're gonna say to her when she wakes up. Just keep thinking about that." Thea said.
"I'm scared I don't get to say anything else to her again." Jude shook her head as Thea nodded.
"I know, but you can't think like that." Thea said, "You can't torture yourself."
"I don't want dad to have to make a decision like that." Jude shook her head, "It'd kill him."
"We don't have to think about that. That's not important right now. Mom is getting better, that's all you gotta remember." Thea nodded, "You gotta be strong. Like she taught us." She said as Jude nodded, "Come here." She sighed, wrapping her arms around her little sister.
She figured if there was one thing she could do for her mom right now, it was keep her little sister's safe and calm.
"Hey." Sam nodded, walking over to one of the tables in the café where Punk was sitting.
"Hey." Punk said quietly, watching her sit down across from him.
"How is she doing?" Sam asked him.
"Swelling has gone down in her brain." Punk nodded, "Which is really good. It shows that… the brain activity is still strong and… trying to heal." He said, "But they also told me that if… she goes on like this for weeks, and she doesn't wake up or she stays unresponsive… we have to make a decision about turning the machines off. I… have to make the decision." He said as Sam looked across at him.
"You don't have to think about that right now." Sam shook her head, "If the swelling has gone down that means… she's making progress, even if doesn't look like it." She said as Punk nodded.
"I can't stop thinking about… all the bad stuff." Punk shook his head with confusion, "I don't know why."
"What do you mean?" Sam asked.
"All the stuff I've put her through over the years. All the fights we've had." Punk said, "That's all I can think about right now and I… I don't know why." She shook her head as Sam looked at him.
"Because maybe you still feel guilty about it." Sam figured, "Maybe you wish you… got more time to make it up to her."
"But we're fine. We're good. We've never been better, actually." Punk said, "I can't stop thinking about that fight we had when I was in prison. Cheating on her. Not being there for when she needed me." He shook his head, "It's driving me insane." He shook his head.
"You know she doesn't hold any of that against you, right? Not anymore." Sam shook her head.
"I know, that's why I'm confused." Punk said, "I think it has a lot more to do with me than her." He admitted, "I'm sat up there just looking at her and thinking about… what I should have done, what I should have said to her… did I tell her how much I love her? Does she know that… I really wouldn't know what to do without her?" He asked as Sam nodded to herself.
"You're scared." Sam nodded, "But if you want my opinion, I think she knows how much she's loved." Sam said.
"I don't know how she did this." Punk took a deep breath, running his hands over his face, "I don't know how she did this on her own."
"I don't know either." Sam admitted, "But she did. And she did it without complaining or losing her own self. I mean she… she was still April throughout all of it." Sam said, "And I don't want to say this to scare you but… if it wasn't for that woman, I seriously worry about what could have or… what might have happened to Thea." Sam said, "I don't know how much you know about it… if April lets onto how bad it was." She said, "But she didn't give up. She dragged that girl to rehab every week. She would… try every single therapy and counselling session until it started working. Can't help think if I had a mother like that, maybe my life would be different." She nodded, "And on top of that she had two other kids that she still managed to raise and make time for."
"I know how great my wife is." Punk assured her.
"Yeah but… I feel like you may have missed seeing her at her greatest." Sam said truthfully.
"There is no greatest. She stays on the same tier at all times. With everything she does. She's always been like that." Punk shook his head as Sam smiled a little and nodded, realising he was right.
"I can still remember her coming to our house when she was sixteen." Sam smiled fondly, "Not the type of girl I expected you to… like."
"Don't pretend you knew anything about me or what I was like back then." Punk scoffed.
"I did, Phil. I wasn't present in your life but I still saw you and… knew you." Sam said, "I prayed and hoped that you'd find a girl who would calm you down and maintain you, I guess… so when I saw little miss pick pocketer I thought great… these two are just as bad as each other." She nodded, "But… clearly, you both proved me wrong."
"I just can't stop thinking about all the stuff we didn't do or stuff she asked me to do that I didn't really take notice of." Punk shook his head.
"You don't have to torture yourself." Sam shook her head.
"I'm not trying to. It's just happening." Punk sighed to himself, "I can't imagine… not waking up with her and having breakfast with her." He shook his head, "And then I remember that she did that for eight years." She shook her head, "And I don't know how."
"Because she had to. She had no choice." Sam nodded, "And it probably killed her for the entire eight years, but she did it. Because it's… it's April, she gets up and she gets on with it."
"She's just never the one on the opposite side." Punk shook his head, "And it feels so wrong. I miss… I miss hearing her voice. Watching her just… lying there is killing me." He shook his head with a deep sigh, rubbing his face tiredly.
"Phil, I think you need to go home and get some sleep." Sam suggested, "You're probably having all these thoughts because you're exhausted." She said.
"I'm not leaving her." Punk shook his head, "I just came down here to let the girls have some time with her."
"You can't not sleep until she wakes up. You're gonna end up delirious." Sam shook her head, "And that's not something I want to see. You're crazy enough already." She said as Punk rolled his eyes.
"I'm not moving from this hospital." Punk made clear, "Ok?" He said as Sam looked across at him, "I'm not leaving her."
"I can't make you do anything." Sam understood, "The swelling going down on her brain is a good sign. It's progress. Better than yesterday. You just gotta think about it like that."
"I'm trying to." Punk nodded, "She's been fighting her whole life, I'm scared she's just tired of it all now." He shook his head as Sam sighed.
"April? Tired? There's no way." Sam shook her head. She thought very highly of her daughter-in-law. She figured AJ would appreciate her coming and talking to Punk, "I think she's just getting some peace and quiet before she has to wake up to all you crazy people." Sam nodded as Punk smiled a little.
"You think so?" Punk asked as Sam nodded, "Why'd you come here?" He asked her.
"Because you're my son, Phil." Sam shook her head, "And I know I'm never good at the mom stuff, I never have been… but I know what April means to you." She said, "And I know she'd expect me to step up for you right now." She said as Punk nodded.
"She secretly likes you." Punk nodded.
"I know." Sam smiled to him.
