Chapter 47.
Sam watched Dean's face and didn't miss the tension in his neck and shoulders. Now, a tear rolled down Dean's face and his lips moved, but what he said, if anything, was unclear.
"Maybe we should wake them." he said to Sarah.
"They're staying with the link a lot longer than I expected them to on a first attempt." she said.
"Dean is crying." said Sam.
"Look at Castiel." she said.
He turned to look. Cas was smiling. He seemed to be completely at peace.
"Not all tears are bad." she said, "And maybe Dean can express things in there that he can't out here."
"I wish I could be there with him. I wish we could know what's happening."
"Maybe, next time, we can ask Castiel to help us with that, but I was in Dean's dreams once and I'm not sure my presence helped."
"Do you think they can hear us?" he said.
"I don't know. Probably best not to say anything here you wouldn't say to their faces."
"I don't like them being alone in there." he said.
"They're not alone." she said.
"Without me."
"I think you're the reason Dean can do this. When you went out to him, I had a feeling it would help him decide to try. You're often his strength, Sam. You're often his hope. He told me so."
"He'd already decided. He was just summoning up the courage. I don't think I did a thing. I was just there."
"Like he was just there when you fought someone we won't name right now and threw him in the cage?"
He smiled his thanks for avoidance of the name. "I don't think the two can be compared."
"One day, I will make you see yourself as we see you. You're not a hero's baby brother, Sam. Well, you are, but not just that. You are a hero too and sometimes, you are your brother's hero."
"He's been mine all my life. Cas has been mine since we met. And now we all have you. Why are they spending so long in there? Maybe they're trapped."
"As long as Castiel seems calm, I'm going to trust his judgement." she said.
"Then I'm going to trust yours." said Sam, "I know mine is not reliable where they're concerned. I know they can take control of the link. They're the two strongest minds I know. I can be overprotective. They've both suffered so much and I wish they didn't have to risk any more pain."
"I know." she said, "I feel the same way. I'd protect you all if I could, but they need control over the link, If they can accept the link, it can be a good thing. It seems a hopeful sign that neither has run from it yet."
Sam looked at Dean. He still looked tense. "Sometimes, I wonder how many more battles he can fight, how many more times he can throw himself into the fire. He's tired. He's tired to his soul. He'll keep on doing it. He'll never give up until there is nothing of him left."
She moved her chair over to the space beside his. "We all need hope. It can help us go beyond our strength." she said.
"He can run a long time on no hope at all. He's incredible."
"So is his brother." she said, "But as I said, we all need hope, so here's some for you. Your brother is beginning to believe things can change. He's starting to see that his life still has room for joy. He's even learning to see himself a little more kindly, but that's going to take time. He has a lot invested in that negative self-image of his."
"Yeah, that's been the work of a lifetime. If he's starting to question it, even a little, you've worked a miracle."
"The victory is all Dean's. every step of the way." she said, "But I'll keep doing all I can to encourage and support him."
"Thanks, Sarah." said Sam, "I know you're the best person to help him through this."
"And Castiel and Jack and you. I think I should make us some tea. We may be here for a while."
