Author's Note:

I'm sorry for the long delay. I realized I'd written myself into a corner and had to write myself back out.

I want to thank Corey Taylor and his haunting vocals and angry screamo music that got me through this chapter.

Ben

Returning to the Finalizer should have been easy.

I chanted my reasons over and over as I flew back, reminding myself why I had to reclaim my title.

I had to protect Rey.

The only life I could offer her as myself was a life of running, of never having a home, of wondering where our next meal would come from. And, that wasn't a life that she deserved.

But, as Kylo Ren, I could at least keep her safe. Keep her off the radar from the First Order long enough to find a weakness and exploit it. I could be without her if I knew she was safe.

I felt sick as I landed in the hanger, unbuckled my safety harness and climbed out.

Everything, from the sight of the troopers and the lesser ranking officers, to the smell of the hanger, filled my mouth with bile. And, the remnants of the Bond tugged at my aching chest.

This isn't where you want to be.

I ignored that, balling my hands into fists at my sides as I walked along the familiar corridors to my chambers.

I turned the handle and the door opened, the lock disengaging when it read and recognized my finger prints. I stepped in, noting the stark difference between this room, and the room I'd had on Naboo.

The room on Naboo was full of color with its purple walls and teal bedspread. This room was varying shades of gray, without the smallest personal touch.

Force, was I this dull?

No. But Kylo Ren was. This room was perfect for a murdering sociopath. And, I'd chosen to be him again.

Chosen. It had been my choice. My decision.

It felt like the very marrow in my bones was pulling me back. Like every fiber of my being wanted to flee, to go back to Rey.

To my mate.

A knock on my chamber door made the hair on the back of my neck rise and I looked over my shoulder to see the door crack open.

I recognized the woman in my doorway immediately. "Severyn"

She covered her mouth with both of her hands, staring at me with wide eyes. Her curly black hair was pulled back, and she wore a finely tailored black suit.

"It's really you." She breathed. "You're really back." She crossed the room and buried her face in my chest, wrapping her arms tightly around me.

I went rigid, not knowing how to react, then just awkwardly stood there, as she held me.

"I'm sorry." She apologized, and pulled away. "I'm just so happy to see you." She retreated a few steps, wiping her eyes. "After Hoth, Hux told everyone that you were dead, and I was starting to believe him."

My relationship with Severyn was ...complicated. I'd lost my virginity to her the night that I pledged my allegiance to Snoke, and he continued to gift her to me whenever I'd done well enough to earn her. If I attempted to have her without Snokes approval, which I had done, I was punished.

After Takodana, I continued to seek her out, solely so that Snoke wouldn't notice that my focus had shifted to Rey.

When I became Supreme Leader, I released her from her contract, and paid her a monthly allowance so that she could live comfortably. She had chosen to stay on the ship, and we'd developed a friendship of sorts.

"I'm fine." I assured her.

Her gaze swept over me. "You don't look fine."

Ok, that was fair.

"You're ok?" I asked. "Since I've been gone?"

She hesitated before nodding. "Yeah."

I nodded once. "Good."

She wrung her hands nervously and my forehead creased. I'd never seen her nervous.

"I'm going home." She said. "Well, I was planning on going home. When Hux said you had been poisoned by the Resistance and died, i….well, you're the only reason that I stayed, and-"

"If you had told me you wanted to go home, i would have made sure you got there." I told her.

She took a breath. "I would have but I just….I thought that we had something." She confessed.

My heart throbbed. Maybe before I'd found Rey, we did have something. There was a time in my life when a night with Severyn was worth being tortured by Snoke.

She shook her head and wiped her eyes again. "I know that we couldn't because of what I am. Or, was."

I shook my head. "That's not-"

"No, I understand, now." She said. "I did think that I'd just lost your favor and that's why you suddenly stopped calling on my services, but then, those girls were bought for you."

When I became Supreme Leader, several young women were bought to serve me as concubines. I'd walked into my room one night and found them, none older than seventeen, and all wearing next to nothing.

"You paid their maiden prices and you provided them shuttles home." Severyn explained. "I knew you'd do the same for me, if I asked."

"Then why didn't you?" I inquired.

She shrugged. "Knew you needed someone in your corner." A grin curled her lips up. "And, I was hoping you'd send me to Hux as a decoy to spy on him like in the movies."

We laughed together.

"You were hoping?" I asked.

She nodded. "I'd earn that ridiculous allowance you give me."

Something she'd said popped back into my head and my smile faded.

"Hux told you that I'd died?" I wanted to clarify.

"Yeah, that the Resistance poisoned you and you died." She told me.

How could Hux have possibly known I was poisoned by the Resistance?

"When?" I probed.

"Right after the Battle of Hoth." She said. "He said that the poison is how they overpowered you, because it drained your powers."

Hux had planned on me going to Hoth. On being ambushed by Poe.

He never planned on me coming back.

The details pieced together so perfectly I could have sworn I heard a click.

Hux had found that deadly poison, and given it to the Resistance. It's the only way he could have known about it. If they killed me, he got the title of Supreme Leader and could blame the Resistance for it, giving him reason to destroy them.

And, like a veil being lifted from in front of my eyes, I began to see clearly.

Hux had most likely been planning this as soon as the title had shifted to me. Of a way to get rid of me without getting his own hands dirty so that he could take the throne.

I blinked, looking up at Severyn.

"I need you to get off of this ship." I told her, and turned toward the wall. I squatted down, running my fingers along the edges of the vent until I found the release and pulled it out, revealing the safe hidden in the wall behind it.

I put in the date of my parents anniversary, and opened it. I grabbed two handfuls of gold and silver coins, then stood, turning to Severyn.

She was looking at my hands and she'd gone pale. "What is that?" She demanded.

"Blood money." I admitted. "Taken by the First Order from worlds that they-that I destroyed."

Most of it had been melted down, but Snoke had let me keep my share. I just had not been able to bring myself to spend it.

I offered it to her. "Take it." I urged. "Take a shuttle and go home."

She shook her head. "You've given me too much already."

"Severyn, listen to me." I begged. "Knowing that you're off of this ship will make it easier to do what I have to do." I pressed the coins into her hands.

"What do you have to do?" She asked.

I turned to retrieve more coins. "Tell everyone to kiss my ass and go find Rey."

oOo

With Severyn safely tucked onto an escape craft, I inquired on Hux's whereabouts and was told that he was in the throne room.

I went in, spotting him and charged forward, roughly grabbing his shoulders and spinning him enough to punch him in his face.

He went sprawling, grabbing the arm rest of the throne as he fell, and tipping it over.

The helmet that I hadn't seen resting on the seat clattered to the marble floor beside him and my stomach did a flip as I stared at the face plate.

It was Kylo Ren's helmet, or made to look like it, at least. The helmet I'd worn was battered from the battles I'd fought with it. This helmet was newly cast, with superficial markings carved into it. I saw the difference immediately, but anyone else wouldn't notice.

Declaring himself Supreme Leader hadn't been enough. If he were himself, he'd just be Supreme Leader. With that mask, he'd be me, and have the First Order and the Knights of Ren at his bidding.

I couldn't let that happen.

I went to him, and hauled him to his feet, holding his arms behind his back.

"You'll be arrested for treason." I informed him. "And executed as the traitor that you are."

"I'll be ten times the Supreme Leader you were." He said. "And, I'll make sure you see it."

He jerked his head back, the back of his skull hitting my nose. The sudden pain loosened my grip on his wrists and he wretched free.

I saw a flash of black and silver, as I realized, too late, that he'd grabbed the helmet and swung it to meet with my left temple.

I heard the wet clang as the metal met my flesh, and then darkness.

oOo

My face was wet, that was the first thing I was aware of when I woke up. Then, I felt the pain in my head, and the sting in my wrists.

I sat up, coming fully awake, and looked around. I was on a cot, in the brig, and there were stun cuffs locked around my wrists. I was also alone, there weren't even Troopers stationed on guard.

I brought a hand up, the other traveling with it because of the cuffs, to my throbbing temple. From what I could feel, I had a gash about an inch long and would most likely need stitches.

I stood, wobbling as I went to the sink mounted above the toilet and washed my face until the water ran mostly clear. There was no mirror, so I was unable to see the damage.

I sat back down on the cot, and leaned back against the wall.

I woke up some time later. Maybe it had been hours, maybe it had been days, I wasn't sure.

My head still throbbed but was clearer now, and I could think about how I was going to get out of here.

A dark thought entered my mind and took root.

I wasn't sure why Hux had kept me alive, he certainly had the spine to kill me. Unless he planned on keeping me here just so that he could show me how much better he was at being Supreme Leader than I had been.

So, my options were to break out, and die trying to escape, or stay here until Hux killed me.

Either way, I wasn't getting off of this ship.

And, Rey would think that I'd chosen Kylo Ren over her. That being Supreme Leader meant more to me than being Bonded to her.

I tried to reach out, knowing I wouldn't find her, but my heart still sank when I didn't.

I heard light footsteps on the durasteel floor and sat up, watching a cloaked figure as they approached my cell.

They went to the door, and I got to my feet, waiting for them. Whatever Hux had sent, I just wanted them to get it over with.

They stopped as soon as they saw me, and I was shocked when they pulled their hood off, and a mane of curly black hair sprang free.

"Severyn?" I gasped.

"The hell are you doing here?" She demanded. "What happened to your head?" She punched in a code on the lock pad and the door slid open. When she saw the stun cuffs, she reached into the folds of her cloak and produced a set of keys, then quickly went about finding a match.

"I got hit." I said, dryly. "What are you doing here?"

She tried one key and flipped it back onto the ring when it didn't fit. "Other girls were bought and sent here and I came back for them. I thought they'd be held down here," She explained, trying another key. "Imagine my surprise when I found you. Considering you're currently in your throne room."

"Hux is in my throne room." I told her. "He had a helmet like mine made, and he's posing as me."

The keys rattled as another one didn't fit. "That explains the past two days." She mused. "He bought those girls for himself, then."

"Most likely." I agreed. "How did you get the code and the keys?"

She gave me a flirty grin. "One of my clients is a guard." She turned the key and the cuffs unlocked, falling to the floor with a loud clatter.

My Force senses came flooding back, and an unease settled in my chest. I felt nervous and….scared. Terrified.

"What is it?" Severyn asked, seeing my face.

"I dont know." I told her, honestly, but then I felt it.

Rey's Force signature.

She was on the ship.

What was she doing on the ship?

The Bond was gone between us, but I still felt what she felt. And, she was in danger.

"What is Hux doing in the throne room?" I asked Severyn.

"The girl he's been after just turned herself in." She told me.

My heart would have swelled if it hadn't dropped at the news.

She came for me.

And, she thought she was with me now.

I had to get to her. She had to know that it wasnt me.

I was telling Severyn to find the girls and get off the ship when I stopped, mid sentence, because I could hear Rey.

l'm sorry. She was saying. I was selfish and naive and I regret every single word of what I said to you when I rejected the Bond.

She regretted rejecting the Bond?

I know it may take a while for you to trust me, but I'm willing to work to earn it back. She said. If you're willing.I don't even know if you'd still have me, but…

Of course I'd still have you. I told her. I never stopped wanting you.

I accept the mating Bond.

I felt a crack, deep in me, as if the walls and defenses I'd built simultaneously fell away, stripping me bare. Who I was, who I'd been, the things I'd done, what I'd been through, it was nothing but ash now, and in its place was a tether, anchoring me to Rey. She was mine and I was hers in the most permanent of ways, and I could feel the Force knitting us together through the Bond.

If I thought it was strong before, now it was downright devastating.

I looked up, not seeing through my eyes, but through hers.

Kylo Ren stared back. "Oh." I heard him say. "You're his mate."