"Careful! We don't want to wake them earlier than necessary", one of the Dragontamers shouted while the others balanced the cage with the gigantic reptile with their wands to the ground.
I watched them while they set down the fourth and last dragon who just huffed but continued to sleep. I still couldn't believe that we had four champions after all. We still hadn't found out how it had been possible that the Goblet of Fire had accepted a fourth participant or who was responsible for it but we couldn't change it. Harry had to participate if he wanted to or not.
With a sigh I turned around and made my way out of the Forbidden Forest and back to the castle which was shining in the early morning sun. I had missed being in Hogwarts, missed being home. And still I hadn't found the strength in the last years since my graduation to come to visit, not even to Hogsmeade. I had been too afraid, too scared to see Severus. It didn't matter how much time had passed, I was still hurting. I still couldn't believe that he had just used me, that I had been just a tool to him. A part of me wanted to believe that he lied to me that day, that there had to be a different reason why he had broken my heart – but I couldn't think of one. Still I found it hard to believe that everything he had said to me, everything he had revealed to me had been a lie. It was one of the reasons why I had volunteered to work for the Triwizard Tournament, one of the reasons why I had wanted to come back to Hogwarts. I had wanted to know if it really had been a lie, if he hadn't cared about me – and so far it seemed that it was true.
After his awkward behaviour on Halloween he had kept his distance, had treated me like the other guests in the castle, hadn't shown even a little sign of any feelings towards me.
Sighing I made my way into the castle while my thoughts still roamed around the dark haired man, when I heard my name.
"Elizabeth?"
Severus's voice woke me from my thoughts. He stood at the stairway to the dungeons, obviously had been about to go down to his office.
"Severus", I greeted him with a smile and made my way towards him, not being able to hide my happiness about seeing him. "Good Morning."
"Why are you awake that early?"
"I actually have been awake all night. We were overseeing the arrival and preparation of the first task."
"Everything went down smoothly I suppose?", he asked, scanning me with his dark eyes.
"It did, they didn't wake up – yet. But what about you? Why are you up that early?"
"I... I was in charge of the nightly patrol", he replied a little too quickly. "You should go to bed though, you look exhausted."
"That seems familiar – you sending me back to bed. Makes me almost feel like a student again", I said with a smile, ignoring the little voice in my head that thought he sounded concerned.
A small smile appeared on his face. "Well, when you're behaving irresponsible, Miss Brighton, somebody has to be the voice of reason."
"You're right – and you should catch some sleep as well, you still have to teach today, Professor", I replied grinning.
"Sleep well."
"You too."
The dark haired man made his way down the stairs while I walked on, wanting to go upstairs when I noticed a student on the stairway. It was Harry. He seemed completely perplexed, staring at me as if I was a dragon myself.
"Everything alright Harry?"
"I... yes... I just..."
"You just... what?", I asked while I closed the gap between us.
"Did... did Snape seriously just smile?"
Surprised I looked at him for a moment before I chuckled.
"First of all I think it's Professor Snape, Harry, and to answer your question, yes, he was indeed smiling. Is that so uncommon?"
"Very", he answered. "I have never seen him genuinely smile. How do you know him, Miss...?"
"Brighton, but you may call me Elizabeth, Harry. Severus was my professor and..." I paused for a second, thinking about how to put it best, "And he is a friend."
"Snape has friends?!"
"Professor Snape", I corrected him again. "And I know that he can seem harsh at times..."
"I think you mean he's a heartless monster..."
"But you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, Harry", I continued, "Severus... there is way more to him that one might think."
Silently I stood at the end of the stairs, listening to Elizabeth's and Potter's talk. I hadn't wanted to eavesdrop but when I had heard him say my name I had to listen, had to know what she would say about me. A part of me had expected her to agree with Potter, to approve what he thought of me – but she didn't.
And he is a friend.
I couldn't contain a smile when I thought about it. I knew it shouldn't mean anything to me but I couldn't help it. Since she has been back to Hogwarts, she had been my sun again. My world had started to revolve around her again. I did try to keep my distance, still tried to treat her as the other guests in Hogwarts – but it wasn't working. A simple smile of hers was enough to make my heart race, to make me want to tell her the truth, to beg her for forgiveness. Seeing her but not being able to be with her seemed to be even more unbearable than being apart. I had barely slept since she had been back, had resorted to wander the castle at night. I even had started to spend time in her old laboratory in the Room of Requirement again. It was where I went when the pain was unbearable – I felt closer to her that way. Whenever I was there it felt like no time had passed, as she could enter every second to tell me about her day, to kiss me, to love me. Only when the sun came through the high windows of the room, the feeling vanished and I was taken back to reality, lonelier than ever.
Sighing I shook my head before making my way to my office. I should at least try to catch some sleep before I had to teach – even though I doubted I'd be able to fall asleep.
Carefully I looked up and down the hallway, making sure that I really was alone, before I entered the door that had just manifested in front of me. The high room seemed to be the same as before. Shelves with ingredients lined up at the walls, several tables with cauldrons on fireplaces, tiny knives and ladles next to them. My 'Potions Paradise' hadn't changed one bit, looked the same as I had last seen it except for...
"Severus?"
The Potions Master jerked from his spot in the corner of the room when he heard my voice.
"Elizabeth? What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing", I replied and made my way towards him, to the end of the room. He had been sitting on an armchair that hadn't been in the room before. It seemed like Severus had brought it here, or at least wished for it from the room. In fact it looked like he spent more of time here. There was a pile of books next to the chair as well as a small table with a glass of fire whisky. He had also taken off his shoes and cloak. I noticed that he had opened a few buttons of his frock coat as well, something he only did when he wasn't planning on leaving his office anymore. Did he spent the night here?
"Seems like you made it your new office – or something like it", I said and looked at the man who seemed caught but didn't answer. His dark eyes simply studied me and it felt like Halloween again. I still didn't know why he hadn't been able to look away that evening, why he had stared at me that way. No, that wasn't true. I did have an explanation but I wouldn't let me fool myself into believing it. He had made clear that I had been nothing but a facsimile to him when we broke up, I wouldn't let myself feed my hope again that it was a lie and he still had feelings for me, that he had actually and still loved me.
"I am sorry, I didn't want to disturb you. I just wanted to see my old laboratory again."
"You're not disturbing me."
Surprised I looked at him again and tried to read from his eyes, tried to understand what he thought, what I was to him. Did he still see Lily in me? Did he think of her when he looked at me?
"May... may I ask you something Severus?"
I could see how his jaw clenched, how his whole body tensed and still, to my surprise, he nodded.
"When we broke up, you said...", I took a deep breath again before I continued, "Was everything you said true? Did I mean nothing to you? Was I just a good enough replacement for Lily?"
Speechless I looked at the blonde woman, unable to answer. I couldn't tell her the truth, I shouldn't. My lie was the protection she needed when the Dark Lord returned and since my Dark Mark kept growing again, I knew it was only a matter of time until he would be back. I couldn't pull her back into danger simply because I didn't want to lie to her again, to break her heart again. And still it seemed impossible to answer her anything but the truth.
Elizabeth looked at me again and the sadness in her eyes tore open everything from that day. Her tears, her shaking body, her complete despair. It had tortured me during the first months; to be the reason for her pain had been worse than just not having her in my life anymore. But what else could I have done?
"I am sorry, I shouldn't have asked", the blonde woman said before I had even be able to open my mouth. "You've made yourself very clear back then. I just... never mind. I am sorry. I'll leave you alone."
She was about to turn around when her gaze fell on the shelf next to the armchair. Her eyes widened in surprise and when I realised what she was looking at, my heartbeat stopped for a moment.
Fuck.
There, in a simple black frame, was a picture of the two of us. The only one I had, the only one we had taken. I clearly remembered the day. It had been during the summer holidays, when I had taken her to my home. She had brought the camera with her and it had taken her a while to convince me to let her take the picture of us. A few days later she had brought it back to me, having developed it magically. I remembered how unreal it had looked to see the happiness in my own face while having her in my arms. And still it had made me smile.
After I had ended it, I had brought the picture here. I had thought it would be safer here, that nobody would find it. I hadn't brought myself to destroy it and had wanted a place where I could keep it, where I could still see the little proof of our relationship that was left.
"You kept it?", Elizabeth whispered and walked over to take the photography from the shelf. Carefully she studied it before looking up to me again. Her eyes showed so many emotions that I felt myself drowning in them.
"Why?"
"Simple sentimentality. A reminder of something that could never have been as good as the thing I truly wished for", I lied quickly, ignoring the pain that shot through my body. "It doesn't mean anything."
I stepped over and tried to take the frame out of her hand – but she didn't let me.
"Is that so? Why not enchant it that it would show Lily and you then?", she asked and her eyes seemed to see through me, while she pressed the picture to her body. "Why keep it in my laboratory? Why did you basically move in her, Severus?"
"I don't think that is any of your business."
"And I think you're lying to me", she said calmly but determined, stepping even closer, only centimetres separating us, her irresistible scent enveloping me. "I think you lied to me back then. I think you loved me for myself not because I reminded you of Lily. And I think you still-"
"Enough!", I roared and snatched the picture out of her fingers. "Just because you wish for it to be real doesn't mean it's true!"
Quickly I drew my wand. I couldn't let her find out the truth, I couldn't let her believe it. No matter the cost. With a quick snap of my wrist I set fire to the black frame before I threw it to the floor between the two of us.
"Like I said, it doesn't mean anything", I muttered while I watched the happy faces of us slowly turn into ashes before I looked up and into the tear filled eyes of my love. Her eyes went back and forth between the picture and me before coming to rest on the flames.
"Harry was right... You are a monster", she whispered before she turned on her heels and left the room.
Frozen I watched the door, unable to react, unable to move when I heard the crack of the glass being destroyed by the flames. Quickly I snapped out of my trance and extinguished the fire, tried to save whatever I could of the image. I pulled it out of its frame only to see that there was almost nothing left of it.
Unable to hold back the tears anymore I sank to the floor, clutching the broken memory of happier days. Elizabeth had been completely removed from the picture, only parts of me were still there, deformed and mutilated. She was right. A true monster indeed.
