Chapter 48.
Dean was tired of watching Cas fussing over the child. He stood. "I'm going out."
"Into that? I thought you said it was toxic."
"To you." said Dean, "To me, it's home."
"There could be worse things out there than this little fella."
"There is nothing worse than him." said Dean, "Well, only me."
"Don't say that." said Cas.
"Why is he angry with me?" said the child to Cas.
"It's not you," said Cas, "It's all the bad, messed up stuff in his head. He's just confused and in pain and he lashes out at all of us, but he doesn't mean it."
"The hell he doesn't." said Dean, "Can I get you anything from the Nightmare Kingdom?"
"Please, stay here." said Cas, "We're supposed to be taking control of the link."
Dean pointed at his younger self. "That is not the link!"
"He's part of it. Everything here is." said Cas, "One of us brought him here."
"And then one of us brought him in from out there and I told you not to."
Unexpectedly, the child moved away from Cas and got off the couch. He went towards Dean and said, "Why are you so mean? Castiel is being kind!"
"Shut up, kid!" said Dean, "You know nothing!"
"Are you jealous? Because you don't need to be. Just because someone smaller needs to be looked after doesn't mean you stop being important."
"Shut up!" said Dean.
"Dean, don't yell at him." said Cas.
"That little demon is doing this on purpose."
"Doing what?" said Cas.
Dean opened the door. Fog swirled in. "Get out!" he said to the kid, "Go back to Hell."
Cas waved his arm and the door shut. "Leave him alone, Dean!"
"Why not? Everyone else did." said Dean bitterly.
"Then be angry with them, not with him. This child has done nothing wrong. This child is not to blame for anything you suffered or still suffer. He's innocent. He's just a scared kid who has lost everything." He knelt on the floor beside the child and said to him, "Nobody will hurt you here."
"He can't be hurt. He's not real." said Dean.
"It's okay." said Cas, "I'll keep you safe."
"He doesn't need or deserve your protection." said Dean.
"How can you hate him?" said Cas.
"How can you love him?"
"He's very easy to love. I think that's why he scares you so much. If you stopped hating him for a second, you'd love him and then you'd have to treat him a little better, wouldn't you?"
"He's just a frickin' illusion."
"Then being kind to him is no big deal." said Cas.
Little Dean looked up at him. There was a defiance in the child's eyes, a determination not to be afraid of him. In a few short years, that hint of defiance would become a tendency to brawl, a brittle sarcasm, a mask to hide weakness. Dean knew how much that child would buckle and break under the weight of that mask. He knew how hard every battle would be and how few of his wounds would ever receive more than a splash of alcohol and a few rough stitches. The deepest wounds, nobody would see, because that brave, stupid little kid in front of him would hide them from everyone.
"I'm here." said Cas, "I'll protect you." and Dean knew he was not speaking now to the child.
"Get him away from me." said Dean, "He creeps me out and I scare him. Take him somewhere else. There's an old trainset upstairs. He could play with that."
"You play with it." said the kid, "I'm staying here with Castiel."
"Why don't we all just sit on the floor and talk?" said Cas.
"No, why don't we not do that?" said Dean, "The kid just lost his Mom. You really want him to see what he turns into? It's cruel, Cas."
"If you're such a monster, why is it that you are afraid of him and he is not afraid of you?"
"He's plenty afraid." said Dean, "He's just pretending not to be."
"Why would he do that?" said Cas.
"What choice does he have?"
"He could be honest. I'd listen." said Cas.
"Yeah, I know you would, but he needs to be strong. His Dad can't be. Sammy's just a baby. He needs to be strong for them."
"What about him?" said Cas.
"There is no him. There can't be, Everything is them now, because if you don't love people enough, if you don't live only for them, they die and they die badly and you watch it happen. If he isn't the best son who ever lived, the most devoted brother, he'll lose Dad and he'll lose Sammy and then he'll be alone and there is nothing that scares him more." He felt a tear run down his face, then another.
Cas put his hand on the child's shoulder and Dean felt it on his own. "You will never be alone." he said.
The child watched him with sad, sympathetic eyes. Even in his own distress, Little Dean was affected by the sorrow of others. That too would bring him a lot of future trouble.
Dean crouched down. "Kid, I'm sorry." he said. Suddenly, the child rushed at him and hugged him and without a thought, he hugged back. "I'm sorry you had to go through all that." he said, "And I'm sorry I never made it any easier for you. You didn't deserve any of it."
"It's okay." said the child, "I still love you."
"How?" said Dean.
The child stepped back from the hug and, with a small, gentle hand, wiped the tears from the adult Dean's face. "It's okay." he said, "Angels are watching over you. Don't cry, darling. Don't be sad. I'll always love you." Dean heard his mother's intonation in his younger self's voice. It was too much. His sobbing came from the depths of his soul.
When he finally looked up, the child was gone and Cas was in front of him, his hand on Dean's shoulder. "I ... " Dean began.
Cas helped him stand up. "We should go back now." he said, "You need to rest."
