"What do you MEAN you didn't plan an April Fools' chapter!" An irrate dog girl shouted at a tired human girl. They were standing in the hallway of a house described about a year ago. All of the available doors were shut.

"Look, there's been a lot of real-world shit going on, society is kind of collapsing around our heads because rich people hate sitting in one country for more than five seconds apparently," the human groaned back, taking off her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Can you really blame me for not thinking up a throwaway gag for ONE YEAR-"

"You didn't even do anything this whole time, your school was closed! It's closed until May! You sit in your room playing Pokèmon Sword, trying to hatch a shiny Cramorant without even using the Matsuda method!" Rebutted the dog.

"It wouldn't be that big of an issue if people would stop hacking in pokemon and sucked up their inability to play normally like people that have more than two braincells so I could wondertrade without having to worry if i'm gonna get hardlocked out of my game!" Whined the human. "Besides, I haven't only been playing Pokèmon Sword."

"What else could you have been playing besides Smash, Animal Crossing, and Stardew Vall-"

"Honk!" Honked something from inside the human girls room.

"What the fuck. Was that." The dog girl said, pissed at being interrupted.

"Um... That wasn't my budgie..." Worried the human. The girls crept towards the door together stepping lightly. The human girl looked to the dog, who held up three fingers, counting down then pointing at the door. The human girl opened it quickly. Standing amongst piles of clothes, junk, and other debris, stood a snow white european goose.

"Honk!" It honked.

"Gah!" The dog stepped back to use the other girl as a human shield.

"Shit! It has my tablet!" Cried the human in alarm. "Catch it!" The goose honked angrily and darted to the side, through the door, down the hall and down the stairs. The girls scrambled after it as it tore past the living room and to the kitchen, towards the open back door. "Who left the back door open?! God damn it the dog better not have gotten loose..." The human growled.

"Hey!" The dog girl huffed.

"Not you!"

"Whatever. We gotta get your tablet back or else you won't be writing anything!" The dog stated, sprinting for the door.

"Wait up! You're the athletic one, not me!" The human called out.

Once outside the two saw that yes, the dog had gotten out, but hadn't gotten far, and was picked up and put back inside gently. They couldn't afford to have to worry about a blind yorkie-poo roaming the streets as well as the antagonistic spawn of satan with about a hundred-odd dollars of technology and personal data on the line.

"How the fuck do we catch it?" The dog asked the human, paws on her hips.

"Why do you think I know?!" Cried the human girl, temple in her hands. "And we gotta grab it by the neck and then throw it."

"Why do you know that- know what, I don't wanna know. How do we lure that little bastard out from wherever it's run off to?" The human thought for a moment before running back inside, quickly returning with a handfull of loose sleigh bells.

"In the game it liked bells!" She declared stupidly.

"Why do you even have those?!"

"Ask my mom! Let's go!" And with that the girls were off on the adventure of a lifetime.

Three hours later and they were nowhere near close to catching the goose.

"This is hopeless... We're never gonna get my tablet back..." The human pouted angrily, holding back frustrated tears.

"Yes we will!" Stomped the dog, clenching her fists. "We just aren't looking hard enough!"

"Three years of data... My drawings... My writing... Gone..." The human sat down on the lip of the fountain at the beginning of her neighborhood. "My Neko Atsume cats..." One of the bushes surrounding the fountain rustled.

"Did you hear that?" The dog whispered.

"Hear what? My will breaking? Loud and clear."

"No, shut up!" She barked, pointing to the bush.

"Big talk for someone that doesn't even reach my bust- yeek!" The human shouted as the goose reappeared from inside the shrubbery, head sticking out like a jack-in-the box.

"Grab it!" Shouted the dog, dashing to corner it. The human lunged into the bush, grabbing the goose by the leg with one hand and the wing by the other. The goose honked angrily, dropping the tablet to bite at its assailant.

"Ow, ow, ow! Teeth! It has teeth!" She cried.

"Honk! Honk honk!" The dog leapt for the shitty outdated kindle, grabbing it and rolling out of the way.

"I've got the tablet! Run!"

"Hey! Ow- help me! Ow!"

"I am helping, I have the tablet and the goose doesn't!" The goose kept attacking until the human lost its grip on its wing, moving to bite the opposing appendage. The human screeched, moving to grab the goose. This action led both parties to only achieve half of what they wanted.

"Grrrrrrrragh!" The human howled in both pain and anger. Her hand clutching the goose by the back of its neck through its mouth as it bit on her hand, locking them together in a stalemate of iron grips.

"Let go of it dumbass!" The dog shouted exasperatedly at the human.

"No! If I let go it'll just keep biting!"

"It's biting you now!"

"But i'm winning!" The dog groaned, looking around for what it should do. Her eyes darted from the heavily fortified kindle case to the goose's exposed head. Running back to her half-downed counterpart, she gripped the case with one hand and whacked the goose in the side of the head, knocking its beak off of the human's (now bleeding) hand. The human seized the opportunity and grabbed the ornery waterfowl by the back of its neck with both hands and straddled its back, preventing it from attacking any more. Both girls were panting heavily.

"Fucking god." The dog breathed, lowering her guard.

"I always knew I could kill someone with that thing. Go back to the house." Instructed the human. "Get me my phone and one of my big storage containers."

"The clear ones?"

"Yeah. And put the tablet inside the nightstand. I'm calling animal control."

"You want neosporin and bandaids?"

"...Yes please."

Author's Note:

April fools! I needed to write something light and fun to get my mind off of both real world problems and the traumas i'm gonna put Pepper through. Of course it seems that even my fun chapters wind up with fighting buuuuuut...

Ok I got nothing.

Most authors would like to think they'd get along with their ocs. Pepper would be five seconds away from decking me in the face at all times. This is a fact of life, nobody can change this. The post chapter interaction that I couldn't manage to squeeze in went a little something like this;

"We make a shit team."

"Fuck you."

So that's how that goes.

I'll save the news for the real chapter later this month. Until then!

-Carly

P.S. My school's been effectively cancelled. I have no excuses for late chapters until june.