Severus hadn't been there since that day he was left sprawled across Remus' kitchen table, more blood pouring out of him than pounding within. It was the only memory he had of this place, and it dwarfed everything else. The sun drifting through the windows seemed dimmer, the noise around him a little duller.

He felt unwelcome inside the happy chatter that lingered between the walls, Lily and her friends just trying to forget. They were focused on the day ahead — the train, the sorting — something that had been exciting for them, had given them everything, but his experience had been different.

And this one, he would miss.

Remus and Lily would watch from the high table as the Sorting Hat flopped down over another set of black hair and green eyes. Severus hoped despite himself, despite his own schooling — or likely because of it — that Selvan wouldn't be in Slytherin.

He wanted to hope for Hufflepuff. In all the time he had known it, the house had been free of tension, spared of the darkness the others had produced. It was the safest option, the least likely, and Severus had given up his capability of hope long ago.

So, he stood as an outsider in this home. His eyes drifted along the chaos, the double-checking that both boys had all their supplies, that some vital bit hadn't been missed during their trip to Diagon Alley or lost in the time since.

He should have lived in the normalcy of the situation, but such pleasantries had always evaded him, why should they be here now?

"You look pensive." Remus came beside him, his voice quiet for only Severus to hear as he folded his arms across his chest. He leaned into the stretch of the wall beside Severus, his eyes prodding him toward an answer.

There was little be pensive about, little to be unprepared for when Severus had missed so much. Why not add this to the list too?

"I suppose," he answered, though he knew his thoughts had drifted to a place Remus hadn't considered.

"He's a lot like you, I think."

Severus glanced towards him, his eyes nearing a glare. He knew what Remus had thought about him long ago and wasn't sure if he should be offended.

"No," Remus answered, seeming to read his mind. "He's… smart. Quiet."

That, Severus, had noticed, but he had yet to attribute it to himself. Lily was intelligent, that trait could have come from either of them, but the reservation of Selvan's personality could never come from her. Not when Lily was the opposite.

"He'll do well," Remus continued. "And you'll still see him, both of them."

Severus swallowed as he looked to the floor. He hadn't considered that factor. Hadn't allowed himself to realize although he had missed so much before, he would be there this time, and with a privilege few other parents had when they sent their children to Hogwarts.

Fine. It was a descriptor he needed to get used to... because it was the truth. Gryffindor or Slytherin, whether Severus was in the castle or not, things would be fine.

Lily turned from across the room, wiping a fallen hair from her face as she smiled at Severus. A look he could never ignore, that would always set his heart aflutter.

Severus smirked at her frivolity. She had dragged their belongings here, had them pack as if they were normal though everyone here knew they weren't.

It was as much for her as it was the boys.

But, he'd seen Harry's face that morning. Seen how much it took to bring a smile to his face. The boy's emotions always simmered close to the surface, threatening to spill through the shimmering of his eyes or as words through his lips. It didn't take much to see what lay beneath. One small tendril of legilimency and Severus would have been able to see it all. But, he refused. Not when Harry was who he was and with the relationship between them so tentative already.

It was Harry that looked at him now, his lips a flat line, the green he shared with his mother dull. Severus wondered if it was the senseless packing when their things had already been inside Hogwarts, but he had to credit the boy with more.

He was no longer a child and the adults around him hadn't been as careful as perhaps they should have been. They hadn't kept their secrets guarded close enough. Was it that that brought Harry near? Sending him across the small room to where Severus stood?

And he was so tall. Severus found himself almost amazed as Harry neared him, nearly as tall as his Mum and he was only thirteen. He was no longer the baby that had fallen asleep across Severus' chest, and though he had known that for some time, until recently, that had been the only memory that Severus had had.

"Can I… can we… talk?" Harry's voice was quiet, not loud enough for his mother to hear. And it wavered in uncertainty. It seemed even Harry didn't know what had brought him across this room. But, now he was asking a question that Severus wasn't sure he could give. Surely the boy didn't want to ask about Severus' favorite food or perhaps his favorite color. A chat like this was much more serious.

Severus guarded his surprise. Surprise that Harry hadn't chosen Remus, but he nodded his head. "Let's walk."

The two of them slipped through the front door, out into the safety of the trees beyond. Into the world where the wind would carry their words away and give them a place to speak. Freedom they couldn't find in the cramped quarters they had become much too used to.

Minutes stretched by, the only sounds that of their shoes scraping against the dirt or the rustling of bushes, of birds calling to each other in the trees. Their voices were absent. Severus waited, giving Harry the space he needed to start, wondering if it was a literal distance as they stepped from the house or an emotional one.

They wound through the trees in a way that if Severus hadn't had his wand, he would have been afraid of getting lost.

It was when they were so far buried inside the foliage, no sign of the people beyond in view, that Harry began. It was a mumble, said to his shoes, "I know something is going on." He looked up, between the spaces of the trees, at the sky above. Anywhere but Severus' face. "I know that it's about me, about…" He rubbed his fingers along the scar long ago carved into his forehead.

And Severus couldn't lie. The boy, this boy, deserved so much more. So, he sighed at the conversation he had expected to come. "There is. It is." Severus shook his head, wishing he could give more. "The Dark Lord is… he's brilliant. But, we don't yet know to what capacity."

"I heard Uncle Sirius mention something with blood. What Voldemort did to me, when he came back, is that what he means?" Harry's cheeks were flushed with red. An embarrassment that only brought more.

"He thinks so, but I-"

"You don't"

Severus' lips tightened at the interruption. Harry's words weren't a question and Severus wondered just how much he had overheard.

"I don't want to fully discredit his idea, it is a possibility, but this is a problem that has existed since before the Dark Lord's return. It may simply be a complication."

Harry nodded, looking to his feet again, scuffing the toe of his trainers against the ground until it created a divot. He said nothing, and Severus let the silence pass, never pressuring him into a response. A question that he gave minutes later, meeting Severus' eyes for the first time. "I'm going to die, aren't I?"

No.

It was the word Severus wanted to say, the reassurance he wanted to give, but could never. He wanted to tell Harry that he would survive, that they would win the war, and life would become a normal that Harry had never known, but the probability was unlikely.

He had expected the pounding of his heart, the words frozen in his throat, but there was a calm. He had been down this road far many times before, and though it devastated him, he could no longer be surprised. Harry wasn't a child. He was smarter than any of them gave him credit for.

"It's possible."

There was no sense in lying. Harry would see through it anyway, had already formulated his own opinion. Severus served only as validation.

There was a sigh from beside him, a loud intake of breath before Harry gave another nod. "Then I guess I'll have to put up a fight."

Severus raised his arm, the movement hesitant before he laid his hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry allowed the touch, forcing even the tiniest of smiles. And, Severus… Severus had no bloody idea what this feeling inside of him was. "Be sure to give them hell."


The door to the house opened once more and Lily's face turned instinctively towards it. She had seen them leave, she could have guessed the reasons why, but when she looked at them, Harry looked more dejected than he had been before, his eyes skirting away from anyone else's so that perhaps in this way he could still be alone.

Lily's gaze fell next to Severus who stood behind him. A corner of his lips turned upward in nothing similar to a smile, but the insinuation that he didn't know. It was followed by a shrug of his shoulders. She would have to ask for clarification.

"I think we're ready." She said instead, forcing a smile onto her face and looking at the packed trunks that sat beside her.

She watched the exchange of hugs, her own would come later. For now, it was time for Sirius to say goodbye. While the rest of them would remain at Hogwarts, Sirius would stay here. He could apparate if needed, but this house would forever be better than the shack that had been his first option.

Sirius held Harry tight, nearly a moment too long. The discomfort was displayed across Harry's face, but he allowed the touch. Harry knew that although he didn't entirely know Sirius, didn't yet love him like he otherwise would have, such feelings weren't mutual.

In the chaos of goodbyes, Severus had slipped away, adopting a disguise that could be passed off as Selvan's father, but left him unrecognizable. She had discussed it with him at length, their ultimate decision being that he couldn't miss this, not when he had missed everything else. They'd just have to take more precautions.

Then, there was the ladle. The portkey the five of them had latched onto in the kitchen before the magic pulled them from this world and into the next, pulled them towards muggle London and the train station that awaited them.

Here, they blended with trousers and T-shirts, muggle attire that let them get lost in the crowd, but would stand them out once on station 9 ¾.

They rushed across the parking lot, trunks lightened by magic and dragged behind them. The clock was ticking and they would be close.

They were swallowed by the mass of people inside. There were so many more than Lily had remembered even the year before. So much chatter and so many white tickets dotting the crowds.

A glance behind her told her that Severus had frozen, a fact she had not considered. The overlapping voices, the rumble of engines inside the station, it would do anyone in. Anyone who hadn't spent twelve years in near isolation. Near silence.

Remus prodded him forward, Severus' eyes darting — always darting — around the crowd for danger. Always calculating. Always expecting. Lily pushed the worry she felt from him from the forefront of her mind, focusing instead on her children, the two people in this building who harbored the most threat. It was a thought she couldn't dwell on if she wanted to keep her own fear at bay. A thought she had had to ignore all of Harry's life or it wouldn't have been a life at all.

Numbers rested on the pillars above them, hanging far over their heads so that they might find where they need to be. Markers that, for her, weren't entirely necessary. Including her own Hogwarts years, this would be the tenth time she watched the scarlet engine pull from the station. The third-year that she stood waiting on the platform instead of inside it. She didn't need a map when it had been drawn inside her heart so long ago.

The chaos brought more than the possibility of danger, but protection as well. It was far too easy to lean against the pillar between platforms 9 and 10, slipping by unnoticed. Anyone that had seen merely assuming they had been carried away by the crowd and not by brick.

When the five of them stood beside it, it was Remus who slipped through first, a guard to stand on the other end. Harry went after, pulling only his trunk through after him. There had been no need for Hedwig to take the journey. No need for Selvan's cat.

Selvan followed after, his eyes filled with wonder as he stared at the aged and orange brick, the wall that was to swallow him. A smile filled his face, genuine and happy. The untroubled existence of an eleven-year-old. The inability to see the potential danger around him. All that he had time for was the excitement the train would bring him. Hogwarts.

Severus fell through next, surely eager for the diminished crowd of people beyond. People he was more likely to know, least likely to suspect.

Lily came last, her own sense of peace greeting her from the other side. Familiarity. She was greeted by red, by the steam billowing from the engine, the gentle sound of the horn reminding them that it would pull away in just a few minutes.

The platform was filled with Aurors. Order members. People she had known in another lifetime, but that paid her no attention. They dotted the stone, spaced carefully around the train. Kingsley. Mad-eye. She even noticed the purple hair of Tonks, standing not too far away. The look she gave Lily filled with no recognition, no trace of why Tonks had been in their dungeon — their home. A secret meant just for them.

"You'll be good, right?" Lily turned to Selvan, pulling him into her, kissing the top of his head though he squirmed beneath her. Although they would be in the castle together, she knew her children would rather die than show her any public affection in front of their peers.

"And not too much candy this time?" She raised her eyebrow at Harry, his goodbye coming next, his one-armed hug. It was all he would allow before he would leave her, finding his friends onboard.

"And be safe." It was a whisper beside his ear. She was so afraid. She had locked away this fear for so long, pretending that today would only bring good things, but the reality was this would be the farthest her children had been from her in some time. And, without Lucius, without Severus feeding information from the other side, they had no idea what awaited them.

She released him, listening to the short goodbyes, the budding of a relationship between Severus and their children, the farewells he wished to give, but the reservation the three of them retained.

Harry, Selvan, and Remus stepped away, the first lingering as he searched for Ron and Hermione, wondering if they had already boarded. The latter stepping on as a final measure of protection - though that's not what he'd tell the others.

Lily felt Severus' arm come around her, and though she knew they shouldn't, that they needed to remain distant, for the moment, she allowed it. She allowed his touch and the warmth of his skin in a day that had been unexpectedly hard.

She watched the boys climb the steps, her and Severus already forgotten. Watched as they disappeared from their view. Watched the eruption of flame.

The ground beneath her rocked with the explosion, the brick around them crumbling. She watched, again, as everything went black around her, the smoke choking her senses. Even the touch of Severus was gone and she was utterly, completely alone. Paralyzed with a brand new fear.