Chapter 10: Best Made Plans
"I know him. He's a little bit in love with death. He flirts; he teases. I can wait."
Sheriff of Nottingham speaking about Robin Hood – Robin & Marian
Judy asks questions to a couple of gods while Tony helps Robin and the Sheriff make plans to kill the "dragon".
Somewhere out of time
"The all-wise and all-powerful Odin commands me to gather with his army of gods and heroes," Fenrisúlfr growled as he looked towards something beyond the distant sky. "I must go, for all of this talking is not going…"
"Then be a good little puppy and run to your master!" the Monkey King scoffed at the huge black wolf god. The outspoken primate god had balanced himself on the very tip of his staff, a simple enough trick but it did look impressive. "Was it not Odin and his family who fooled you into being bound by those chains? You owe him nothing more than contempt for what he did to you."
Judy listened while the gods argued with Metron and also each other. It seemed that each had his or her own idea of what they needed to do. Her nose twitched when she smelled the scent of a very virile male of her species and she glanced over to see that Manabozho had drawn closer to her. Although the presence of another Lepus was comforting, he was also distracting. The god was not much larger then she was and was both muscular and almost naked, he only wore a simple loincloth made from woven fibers which barely covered himself below his waist and his tannish gray fur was tattooed with strange black runes or symbols. Their eyes met and she felt herself blushing when she realized that he was staring at her. "What?" she finally asked. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"It's that I'm a fertility god and yet you do not seem to succumb to my presence?" Manabozho answered. His nose cutely twitched in curiosity and she could tell that he was struggling not to let his right foot paw start thumping in agitation. "I can smell your lust, but it doesn't seem to be all for me? Most does would be begging to breed with me by now."
"How typically male!" a voice laughed from above and Judy looked up to see the large white owl had been watching them from her perch on the great ox's horn. "You are more civilized and disciplined then where he comes from, he is only motivated by his testosterone-driven lust. Tell me Manabozho, just how many children have you sired by now?"
The hare god cast the owl and aggravated look, "Arianrhod is right about somethings, after all, she is very wise. But as they say, wisdom comes with age and she is centuries older than most of us," he said in a sarcastic tone to Judy. "Now as for you my dear, something besides me is vexing you and I have a feeling that it isn't that you are just coming to terms that you are somehow the mother of a god."
"It's just that you all are huddled around this fire in fear of the god that you call my son and I don't understand why?" Judy answered his question.
"Because he can't control his powers and does not seem to want to even try," the white feathered owl said.
"Has anyone just tried to talk to him?" Judy continued. "Asked him what is wrong?"
"A sky god by the name of Zeus, commanded him to stop," Manabozho sighed in fear, the hare god's ears were flat against his back. "The new god became angered and we're not sure what happened to Zeus. His army of Olympians attacked, but they were simply destroyed by being turned to aged dust."
"We are ageless, but not immortal," Arianrhod added. "Even gods can die." That did not make any sense to Judy, but Manabozho was nodding his agreement.
"What if Metron's plan doesn't work?" Judy asked again, she was staring towards the sky as if she could see the god who they said was her son. "What if the chains won't hold?"
"They must!" the white owl answered, there was fear in her wide eyes.
"I want to talk to him!" the brave rabbit suddenly said. "I am trained in police negotiating techniques, the Behavioral Change Stairway Model. The first step is to get the subject to talk and let him know he is being listened to!"
"I don't know?" Manabozho replied as he looked up towards the fire as if he was seeing something in the flames. "But Odin is not waiting for us and he is marching his army to war, we may be too late."
Arianrhod swept down from above and engulfed Judy in her wings. The hare god frowned when they both disappeared.
Judy's eyes widened in fear when she saw there was mostly darkness around her again after the owl goddess released her, but standing before her was the long-eared fox looking hybrid named Ricky and he appeared much older and angry. Bolts of white lightning shot from the god's paws and from his eyes, he was definitely out of control, as if he was having a temper tantrum. "Where are you God?" he screamed. "Come face me and do not send any more of your minions." Without even looking her way and not realizing who she was, he pointed his paw and a bolt of white light tore into them.
Judy and Arianrhod just disappeared.
Nottingham: 1215
Doctor Tony Newman looked in awe at the many animals around him who were chatting, drinking, and working. Rabbits, badgers, foxes, deer, mice, red squirrels, weasels, even wolves and bears. All creatures he could expect to see on the island he would have called Briton, but there were even a couple of large rhinos in their knightly armor and those he knew were not natives of this strange land. In the midst of all this collective chaos was their leader, a dashing red fox in a green tunic who merrily motivated the others and his name was Robin Hood.
Tony had sketched out his design in the dirt for three large Roman Scorpio projectile launchers, which were an oversized version of a crossbow mounted on a four-legged stand. It turned out that when it came to weapons, Robin was not the best animal to talk to but rather it was the fox's onetime mortal enemy the Sheriff of Nottingham. The large black wolf seemed to be fascinated by his design and was a self-taught expert in warfare. Although the human had to calm his nerves being so close to a huge dog-like anthropomorphic creature, it was like if a movie werewolf had come to life. "Tension must be made, so you use a…what did you call it again?" the Sheriff asked and he looked down at the crude drawing.
"A winder block and this is the winding pawl, it gives the tension needed to launch the oversized arrows we are having made," the human patiently explained. "It's a somewhat complicated weapon, but effective."
"Why don't we just make it like a large bow at the end and then use we bears and those big rhinos to pull the string back to hook it over that thingamajig back there?" Little John asked as he stared over their shoulders. "It seems that our arrow does not need to be too large, but it is the speed in which it is fired that is important. It's kind of like how Rob's longbow isn't that long to me and won't puncture any of those rhino's armor at a distance, but it pops an arrow right through it at close range.
"Then we have a plan!" the wolf growled. "To work one and all, then we will meet this dragon on the field of honor come morning! So my friends, what's for dinner?"
"Turnips and leek stew," Little John snorted in disgust. "I kept Rob away from it, back in the good old days that poor fox would start daydreaming about Marion and burn the chow every time. Old Friar Tuck, rest his merry old soul, was one of the few of us who could eat Rob's cooking. But that badger could make a meal from a stone if that's all he had and back then times were lean."
"King John's doing," the Sheriff sadly sighed. "I would have driven my sword though his black heart back then, but for a promise which I had made to King Richard."
"It would have saved us all a lot of grief," a red fox in a gaudy patched tunic interjected.
"Alan, you are here!" Little John cried out as he picked up the fox and crushed him in a hug. "I hope you brought your lute, we need music as we work. Sing that song about me and Robin walking through the forest, you know with the Oo-de-lally words in it!"
"Alan-a-Dale," Tony laughed. "I was half expecting a large rooster to appear instead of a fox."
"Why would a rooster play the lute?" the bear asked the human as he scratched the fur between his ears and looked at Tony with a look of bewilderment. "Little buddy, you must come from a really weird place!"
"You have no idea," Tony chuckled.
It took them all night and well into the next day before they finally had three of the large weapons ready, they didn't look anything like the Romans had built. Instead, they looked like large crossbows mounted on carts being pulled by bears and rhinos, but they fired true to aim and their bolts were powerful.
"We art ready!" Robin proclaimed as he stood upon a cart and joyously swept his hat from his head. "Now my dear friends it tis time to save yon fair kingdom from this dragon!"
His followers cheered, all but the Sheriff who looked over at Tony and just shook his head as he chuckled, "Robin Hood has always been a boisterous fellow, but they do love him!"
By the late afternoon, they had set their weapons into position behind a small ridge. "Now come and let's draw yon beastie to his fate!" Robin grimly said as he turned to a handful of followers. "When he doth top said ridge fire, but do not shoot any of us." The fox looked down at the large bolts which we jammed into the ground near the carts, each of the arrows was as long as he was in height.
"I'd suggest ducking then," Little John laughed as he gave his old friend a fond look. "That big head of yours might get in the way." Robin gave him a nod and then grinned as he turned to trot up the ridge.
Moments later there was a roar and Robin and his followers raced over the top of the ridge, Tony could hear the pounding steps of the Tyrannosaurus rex charging behind them. As the fox sprinted over the top, the great beast loomed above him. "I have the shot!" the Sheriff cried out and he pulled the pin to release the bolt, it wobbled slightly in the air as he flew directly towards the dinosaur.
Suddenly before the great beast, something white shimmered into view and the long bolt slammed into the back of what appeared to be a large white owl that had just appeared. Below the speared owl, a female rabbit looked up in confusion at the savage creature above her and then over at her winged companion. "Arianrhod!" she cried out. White feathers were fluttering down around her.
"Damn it!" Tony cursed as he fired his bow's bolt and it caught the large toothsome beast along its flank, the third cart fired but missed. The dinosaur cried out in pain as it fled from view over the ridge.
My favorite "grown-up" Robin Hood movie is actually Robin and Marian made in 1976. This story starts with a much older Robin, played by the legendary Sean Connery, returning home to Sherwood Forest after years of war in the service of King Richard. There he finds that Marian, staring the talented Audrey Hepburn, has become a nun in his absence. It is a bittersweet and tragic story of an older man rekindling his true love and being caught trying to live up to his own youthful legend. Robert Shaw brilliantly plays the Sheriff of Nottingham and Nicol Williamson as Little John.
