a.n. Holy shit y'all. I'm back to this story. I have no clue where I was or what I had planned. But hell, the world is ending, so I figured who cares about continuity? So here we are Chapter 35.

Again, I have no clue what came earlier, or at least specifics, so if there are now plot holes, I'm sorry. (for instance, I don't remember if Kate knows Rick is writing Nikki Heat. Can't remember if they've had that confrontation or not, and can't be arsed to find out). Her Pegship is still here beta-ing this story like a boss. She's awesome, you should definitely go read all of her stuff.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. Obviously.

-:::-

February 12, 2011

"You can do it, Kate!" Rick prodded. Kate was on the bars, relearning how to walk, and it was not going well. Despite not having injuries to her legs, she'd been off of them for so long, she was having to go through and rebuild all of her muscles. Not to mention rebuilding the muscles in her abdomen. The wound in her shoulder was healing nicely, though she still wore a sling when she wasn't at physio.

The problem mostly seemed to be that Kate wanted to run when she could barely walk, and her inability to do what she wanted was pissing her off. Rick was her cheerleader.

"Don't patronize me, jackass," Kate grunted out as she took another step.

Or at least he was trying to be her cheerleader. It was not an easy job. Rick stayed silent, knowing that she wasn't trying to be mean or start a fight, she was just in pain. Kate had never handled pain well. When they were kids, she'd scrape her knee and then moan and groan about it for days afterward, even when it no longer hurt. More, she hated help. So when she fell off her bike or her roller skates, she'd never want help getting back up or help getting her wounds healed. They'd fought many times over such incidents.

For the next hour, Rick tried his best to motivate Kate through the physical therapist's exercises, all the while, taking her insults so that the poor young girl didn't have to suffer. It was the least he could do.

When it was all over, Rick escorted his girlfriend out of the therapist's office in a wheelchair and to the hired SUV that he had been using to transfer Kate back and forth for the last three weeks.

Kate settled into the passenger's side seat, sighed, and looked out the window as Rick pulled out into traffic.

"You okay, Kate?"

"No," Kate snapped. "I'm not. I hurt all over and all I want to do is go back to work."

Rick sighed. "Stupid question, I'm sorry. You're getting better though."

"I don't need you to be my cheerleader, Rodgers. I just need to get better."

Rick stayed silent and thought about the conversation that was getting closer and closer all the time. He knew that he needed to bring up the future, but honestly, he was terrified of that conversation. What if she just broke up with him again? The last month had not been a normal start (or restart) of a relationship, what with her living at her father's apartment and her injuries, but they were together. It was nice, and they were working on being there romantically for each other again. Rick had even arranged for them to take over Jim's place one night for a 'date.' It was fun and they'd even made out like teenagers for a while before Kate got a cramp in her stomach.

He didn't want to ruin what little progress they'd made by asking her not to go back to being a police detective. But he knew he had to. He couldn't go through all of this again.

Alex couldn't go through all this again.

Overall, Alex had, at first, seemed to handle his mother's injury very well. But in the last few weeks, his nightmares had become really bad. Rick was up almost every night with his son, helping him work through the bad dreams as much as possible. It had gotten so bad that Rick had asked a friend for the name of a child psychologist. He didn't want to take that step, but he knew it was likely going to be necessary. Rick didn't want Alex to go through the trauma of seeing his mother close to death.

With another sigh, Rick gripped the steering wheel tighter and stayed silent for the rest of the trip.

-:::-

That night, Rick decided that he was going to have to bite the bullet and talk to Kate. He then grimaced and tried to think of another metaphor, something that didn't have to do with bullets, but failed.

Kate was in her room and had been since they had returned from PT. She had just finished dinner, and Alex was busy with his grandfather.

"Kate?" Rick asked as he came into her room cautiously. He really hoped she was in a better mood now that she had taken some pain meds and had a meal. This wasn't going to go well even in the best of circumstances, but if she was still in a nail-spitting mood, then it was going to go even worse.

"Hmm?"

"Can we talk?"

"Sure," She grinned at him. She reached for his hand as he sat in the chair beside the bed.

"I...I don't really know how to start this," Rick said softly.

"You want me to quit, right?" Kate asked, squeezing his hand. "I see it on your face every time I mention going back to work."

Rick sighed. "I really do. I know you're a cop and that you're really good at what you do. I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished. But...I'm scared. You were so close to dying, Kate, and I couldn't handle that. Alex couldn't handle that, not now. Not now that we've finally got you back."

"I know," Kate said, her voice cracking as she looked away. "I know that what I do is scary. I get scared too. But I don't know if I can quit. I started so that I could get justice for my mom, and I haven't done that. I don't know if I'll ever get that justice, but what I do, it helps."

"I know. I understand."

"But you're right. I can't...I see Alex too, you know. He looks at me a lot when he doesn't think I'm paying attention. It's almost as if he expects me to disappear. It's heartbreaking."

"He's having nightmares almost every night," Rick said. "I'm going to schedule him some time with a child psychologist. It's gotten worse."

"Oh. That's my fault," Kate said, wiping away tears with her free hand. "It's my fault."

"Maybe...maybe there's a way for you to take a desk job of some sort? I don't know a lot about how the NYPD works, but there must be something there that you can do. I...If it were just me, I wouldn't ask. Hell, I'd probably be right there at your side, begging you to let me shadow you so that I could write about you more accurately. But it's not just me. I have to think about Alex, and so do you."

"I know. I'll...I'll talk to Montgomery, maybe there are some options. I...I don't want to quit the NYPD. But...I will if I have to." Kate took a shaky breath. "I knew this was coming, you know? That's part of the reason why I've been so terrible these last few weeks. Part of it is the pain and the frustration, but a lot of it is knowing that I can't do this again. I can't put myself at risk. Not if I want to be a part of Alex's life."

Rick lent forward and kissed her forehead. This conversation had gone so much better than he had thought it would. He thought there would be yelling and ultimatums and breakups. But, he had underestimated her. Rick was still falling into thinking about Kate as the 19-year-old girl who had abandoned her child. But that wasn't her anymore. He could see how much she loved Alex. It wasn't hard to believe that she would upset her entire life to keep him safe.

"Thank you. I know it'll be hard."

Kate nodded and tugged on his arm. She kissed him on the lips. "I love you, Richard Rodgers. I love Alex. I love the NYPD, but the two of you are way more important to me than the NYPD will ever be."

Rick kissed her again and then grinned. "I love you too, Katie Beckett. Always."

-:::-

a.n.2. It's short. But it gets us back in the game.

Next chapter (which is already written) will feature some bonding between Kate and her stepmom and a difficult conversation between Kate and Montgomery.

There's not much left of this story, tbh. I think maybe like four more chapters? We'll see.

Thanks for the patience on this one, folks. I do appreciate you sticking with me.