Chasing Alexei through the woods had led Ana and Hopper to a 7-Eleven, which, in turn, had led to the trio carjacking some unsuspecting businessman named Todd. The yellow convertible they'd commandeered from Todd wasn't exactly subtle, to say the least, but thankfully they encountered no roadblocks before converging on Hopper's 'friends' lair. Perhaps compound was a better word for where Murray Bauman resided.
Approaching the steel door, Hopper punched the buzzer, and the three waited anxiously. "Look at the camera," an omniscient voice spoke through the intercom. Hopper lowered his face to eye-level with the buzzer, only to be told: "The camera, above you to the right."
Alexei, Hopper, and Ana all turned towards the indicated direction. Ana threw up a middle finger in salutation, while Hopper threw out his hands in question. "Identify yourself," the intercom voice spoke again.
"Jim Hopper, Ana Thompson, and Smirnoff," Hopper voiced for the group, gesturing to each person individually before gripping Alexei's cheeks in his left hand.
Rolling her eyes, "his name is Alexei," Ana corrected. "Fine, Alexei," Hopper conceded.
"Surname," the voice questioned. "I don't know," Hopper huffed.
"Family name!" Demanded the aggressive intercom voice. Hopper's patience seemed to snap at that because he shouted back: "Yeah, I know. I told-I don't know, okay? Open the damn door!"
Only silence followed Hopper's little outburst. "What is this shit? Where did you bring us?" Ana questioned under her breath; she had to assume the intercom man was still observing them from inside his fortress.
Closing his eyes and taking a deep inhale, Hopper seemed to calm himself. "It's alright. Don't worry. He's a little bit eccentric, but he's completely harmless."
Boy, Hopper was 0-2 today. When the front door was finally thrown open, it was followed by the sound of a shotgun being racked. Said shotgun was then thrust in Alexei's face, who threw his hands up in surrender at the sight.
On the wielding end of the shotgun was a bearded, balding man wearing glasses, cut off jean shorts, a wife-beater, and…was that an open bowling shirt? "Name?" The newcomer demanded again.
Alexei responded to the aggressive request in Russian, but the only word Ana could decipher was 'American.' When Murray began replying in fluent Russian, Ana and Hopper's mouths hung open in fascination.
Once their dispute in Russian concluded, Murray let out a bark of laughter and said: "Hi, Jim." Before reluctantly allowing them into his house.
Ana had never been inside a doomsday bunker, but Murray's home would have been exactly what she pictured one to be. There was a ridiculous collection on televisions encompassing one wall, and various contraptions and boxes littered the place.
They weren't granted much access to the home before Murray was instructing them to wait. Halting in the hallway, Murray replaced the shotgun in his hands with what appeared to be a metal detector and began sweeping the machine over Alexei's form. The scientist didn't seem all that pleased with the intrusion.
When Alexie and Murray began bickering back and forth in Russian about the beeping machine coming too close to the scientist's privates, Hopper tried to interject by asking: "How long is this gonna take, because I-"
However, his question was cut very much short by Murray snipping out a no. "No?" Hopper asked, confused. "No," Murray shot right back at him. "No, you do not get to question me." His statement was punctuated by tapping the beeping machine against Hopper's chest. "You have dragged an enemy of the state into my home as carelessly as a child drags in shit on his shoe! I will search him until I am satisfied."
Hopper looked quite close to losing it on Murray. He had raised his left hand, pointer finger poised to be waved in the eccentric former journalist's face when Ana interjected.
"As delightfully vivid as that simile was, do you think we could just skip the theatrics and get to what we actually came here for?"
Murray blinked several times while staring at Ana, almost as if he'd forgotten she were there entirely, before brandishing the metal detector in her direction like a weapon. "Who even are you?"
Roughly pushing the machine out of her face, so it was now trained on the ground, she responded confidently: "Ana Thompson, middle school teacher." Hopper popped up over her shoulder to proudly add: "She's my girlfriend."
"Great, you've brought an amateur along," Murray scoffed at the pair, but more specifically at Hopper.
The condescending tone in Murray's voice, coupled with the exhaustion she'd felt after their tumultuous day's journey, had Ana seeing red. "Oh yeah?" She seethed. "I'll show you amateur," Ana shouted before lunging at Murray. Unfortunately, Hopper was quick on his feet and grabbed his girlfriend around the torso before she could make physical contact with Murray.
Dragging her back by the hips, Hopper tried to create some distance between Murray and Ana while the latter continued to yell obscenities at the balding man.
Murray, as it appeared, wasn't wise enough to know when to let things lie because the next words out of his mouth only exacerbated the situation. "Jim, take your middling girlfriend outside so I can work without her yapping."
Ana stopped struggling for a brief moment while her mind processed Murray's statement. Although, when the words' middling' and 'yapping' registered in her brain, Ana's rage returned twofold, and she fought against Hopper's restraining hands even harder. "I'm gonna smack the shit out of him. Let me go!"
It seemed Ana wasn't the only one incensed by Murray's insults because Hopper also began yelling at their outlandish host. "Hey, you don't get to talk to her like that!" Hopper roared while trying his best to contain a squirming Ana.
Enacting a move she fondly referred to as 'going boneless,' Ana dropped all her weight at once, and Hopper inadvertently released her from his steel grip as she tumbled to the floor. Popping right back up, Ana was able to slink around Hopper's outstretched arms and stomped up to Murray. Standing face to face, Ana surveyed the bespeckled man before demanding: "What is your problem?"
Murray only leaned forward enough to screech, "please, stop talking," in Ana's face.
Something inside Ana burst, it could have been her sanity, but she was reasonably sure she'd lost a firm grip on that ages ago. Murray Bauman's stature may have towered over her physically, but at that moment, Ana seemed to swell up like the Hulk. "No! It's been an exceptionally long day. We've been shot at, I was nearly blown up by that idiot," she vaguely gestured to Hopper before continuing. "We had to walk for hours through the woods, only to carjack someone dude named Todd to get here. Now, you're apparently the only asshole who speaks Russian for miles, so translate what we want translated, and we can be done with it. God, I really have to pee!"
Only silence followed Ana's tirade. Murray looked beyond shocked, Hopper's face held a smug grin, and Alexie just looked utterly confused by what had transpired. At least Murray had finally found the good sense to keep his mouth shut.
Begrudgingly, Hopper left Ana with Alexie and Murray at the bunker while he went on a food run to Burger King. The police chief wasn't altogether confident that he wouldn't return to find his girlfriend had strangled Murray in his absence.
Once the front door closed behind him, and the sound of the yellow convertible pulling out of the driveway indicated Hopper's exit, Murray turned to assess Ana with a mischievous glint in his eye. Sitting on his hideous mustard-colored couch, Ana squirmed uncomfortably as Murray thoroughly appraised her from his perched position in an armchair across the coffee table.
Grinning like a meddling child, Murray asked: "So, you're Jim's girlfriend?" His tone was somewhat patronizing, and it had Ana's face scrunching up in affront.
Crossing her arms over her chest, Ana challenged, "yeah, what's it to you?"
Murray found himself lightly chuckling at her defensive nature. "Oh, nothing. You're just too pretty for him, that's all," Murray concluded.
Ana had been anticipating an insult, not a compliment, and grew suspicious as to whether or not the eccentric was subtly mocking her. Her eyes turned to slits as she told Murray: "I agree, maybe you could talk to him about being more appreciative when he gets back."
A noise that resembled a snort escaped Murray's throat at her statement. Leaning forward, he propped both elbows on his bare knees and perched his chin on his closed fists. Again, Ana became uncomfortable under his judgemental stare. "So, what is it?" Murray questioned after some time.
"What is what?" Ana repeated for clarification.
Grinning at her confusion, Murray elucidated, "what is it about a guy like that, that lands a piece like you?"
Well, being referred to as a 'piece' was extremely derogatory, but Ana chose to disregard the insult. Leaning forward, and mimicking Murray's posture, Ana confessed: "It's the uniform, obviously."
Murray's grin only grew more prominent at the assertion.
Hopper's crankiness was at an all-time high upon returning from Burger King. After slamming the food and previsions down on the coffee table, Hopper plopped onto the mustard couch beside Ana and began stuffing his face with a whopper. "Burger King is nowhere near the 7-Eleven, by the way," he gripped at Murray between bites.
That ever-present shit-eating grin graced Murray's features as he professed: "Never said it was."
Speaking around the chuck of burger he was trying to masticate, Hopper proceeded. "Let's try this again. Ana," he said while waving his hand to indicate it was her time to talk.
"Alexei," the man in question gazed up at Ana with his own mouth stuffed full of Burger King. "The generators, what are they powering?" Her line of questioning didn't get much further because Hopper decided to interject, "and tell him that we know it is not the Starcourt Mall, so he can stop selling us that crap."
After nodding along to Hopper's rant, Murray began translating. However, Alexie seemed far more interested in watching cartoons than cooperating with their inquisition. Taking a sip from the Slurpee, the scientist promptly spit the mouthful out onto the floor, before rapidly speaking in Russian.
Hopper's face was one of stone when he asked: "What'd he say?" Murray looked far too pleased when he responded: "He says, it's strawberry."
Oh, God. Were these three really going to argue over Slurpee flavors? Yep, Ana realized, as the men began squabbling back and forth about cherry versus strawberry, that's precisely what they were going to do. Hopper's face was growing redder by the minute, while Alexie's countenance settled into one of obstinance. Again, Murray looked far too pleased with the whole ordeal playing out in front of him.
Hopper took in a deep inhale when Murray informed him: "No cherry, no deal." Licking his thumb and forefingers, Hopper smiled sarcastically at Alexie. Then, all at once, Hopper was pulling himself up off the sofa, and rushing for the Russian scientist. Grabbing Alexie by the lapels, Hopper threw the man onto the coffee table while Murray began yelling.
"Stop him!" Murray frantically instructed Ana over the brawl taking place between then. Ana merely offered him a noncommittal shrug at the directive. "I can't control what he does," she admitted.
"I'm not gonna hurt him!" Hopper shouted while pressing Alexie further into the wooden table. Then, lifting the Russian to his feet, Hopper shoved him back into the recliner, which collapsed backward under the weight. Murray continued screeching as Hopper pulled Alexie off the chair, and began dragging him towards the door. "I'm just giving him an opportunity to get his own damn cherry Slurpee!" The last word was punctuated by Hopper tossing Alexie out onto the driveway, where he landed ass first on the pavement.
Alexei's glasses had flown off on impact, but he was barely able to retrieve and put them back in place before Hopper chunked both the handcuff and car keys at him with a flourish.
Storming back inside, Hopper slammed the door behind him, then turned to rest his back against the entrance, barricading anyone from entering or exiting. "Jim, that man is an enemy of the state," Murray exclaimed after the display of male dominance had ended.
"Yeah, who's been jerking us around for a full day," Hopper said through clenched death. "I get him his cherry Slurpee, then what? He wants a helicopter to charter him to his own private island." Each sentence was accompanied by a dramatic waving of his hands. "I've dealt with assholes like this my entire life. Yesterday in the woods, he could've escaped, but he didn't. He stuck with us. Why do you think that is? It's because he's scared."
Yep, Ana's boyfriend had utterly lost his marbles, but she allowed him the courtesy of finishing his lecture in silence anyway. "He's scared. Not of us, of them. He's scared of that seven-foot-tall Russian freak who could've killed him just as easily as us. Smirnoff knows that if he runs back to his comrades without a scratch on him, they're gonna think that he spilled his guts. So, whether he likes it or not, we are the best chance he's got." Hopper concluded the speech by rubbing his hands together confidently. "I give him 30 seconds before he comes knocking on that door, right back into our arms, with a new sense of humility."
Some of that confidence drained from Hopper's face, though, when the engine on the convertible revved, and Murray acknowledged: "I, uh, believe he has started the car."
"You know, he's testing us. He's just calling my bluff," Hopper assured. Although, he didn't look quite as cocksure about his theory now.
"I believe he is now driving away," Murray announced, agitation clear in his voice.
At that statement, Ana rushed for the door, but Hopper blocked her path. Crashing against his broad chest, Ana reasoned: "Come on, babe. We can't just let him go." Eventually, Hopper shifted out of the way, allowing her to exit the front door with Murray hot on her trail.
The sight that awaited them on the other side of the door was unexpected. Alexie had indeed started the car and begun to drive off, but his progress halted at the end of the driveway. Now, the scientist just sat in the driver's seat, motionless.
Eventually, the convertible reversed back towards them, and Alexie parked the vehicle before sulking back inside Murray's home, whispering something in Russian as he went.
"I'm sorry, what did he say?" Hopper asked, with barely contained arrogance.
Murray's head was bowed as he admitted: "He says he likes strawberry, too."
Ana gazed upon her boyfriend in amazement. "God, I love you," she announced, which only made Hopper's grin grow wider.
This chapter was a long one, and, if I do say so myself, adorable. Now, I would apologize for being so thirsty in the last chapter, might have been the wine, who knows, but I've been trapped inside for so long that even my dogs have grown bored of me. Here's to searching for validation on the internet. Cheers.
