'Stop fiddling. You look gorgeous' Brooke murmurs without looking up from her bag.

Peyton self consciously flattens her hands against the bar before her. She's wearing a dress. A Brooke Davis designed dress. A beautiful handcrafted Brooke Davis dress. It's green. Long sleeved. Covers all the necessary places (according to Peyton) More of her skin is on display at her upper back until a very specific point. Everything about it has been made with her in mind. Something Peyton is more than aware of and grateful for. But despite how much she loves it it's still a dress and she can't remember the last time she was this dressed up and she's not exactly comfortable.

'Yes. You are' Brooke disputes the disagreeing words that her best friend refrains from saying out loud. 'The bow is there for you to twiddle' she announces as she finally locates her purse.

Peyton's eyes avert to the bit of silky fabric tied around her waist. '...you seriously made that a design feature so I could fiddle with it?' She kinks her brow.

Brooke tries to give her a look that says of course not but the blonde knows otherwise and her answering expression says such. Brooke rolls her eyes. 'Well it's not really working is it?'

'I love the dress B. It's not the dress. It's just been a lot of people today, you know? And I, I don't like people looking at me'

'Uhuh. I know. But can you blame them? You're beautiful and not every guy that's appreciating that is a psycho rapist that wants to kidnap you'

Peyton smiles. Likes that they've gotten to this point where the brunette at least attempts to make the odd joke.

'I know that'

'I've not left you on your own all day and I'm not gonna leave you alone now okay?'

'Thank you'

'I know you're not exactly comfortable but I really do appreciate you wearing it for me today. Would you rather change now though because there's some more casual stuff for you in Karen's office that I dropped by earlier if you'd prefer?' Peyton hugs her abruptly. 'Woah. Is that a yes?' Brooke laughs.

'No. I, I'm ok. Thank you for always thinking of me. I, I'm so proud of you B. Today was a huge deal and I, I can't get over how you've done all this by yourself-'

'Not by myself' Brooke sings as the blonde withdraws.

'Mostly' Peyton disputes. 'And you woulda done it so much quicker if it weren't for me stealing all your money-'

'It wouldn't have been rewarding if it'd been handed to me P' Brooke bats her hand. 'If it does well it's gonna do well because of me and me alone. Not because I had bank of Mummy and Daddy funding it. And FYI, you didn't steal anything'

'It is gonna do well'

Brooke squeezes Peyton's hand. 'I couldn't have done this without you'

'Er yes. You could but I'll happily let you use me as a mannequin anytime and I, I'll wear whatever you want. Always'

'I think that sip of champagne at the shop went to your head' Brooke laughs. 'Seriously though. You are allowed to change. I don't want you to be uncomfortable all night-'

'I'm ok'

'Hey you two. Sorry for the wait' The man behind the bar interrupts them then.

'No worries Chase' Brooke chirps. 'How goes it?'

'Good thanks. Did the shop opening all go ok?'

'Perfect' She smiles. 'I think' She adds.

'It was perfect B' Peyton speaks up then. 'It was perfect' She repeats again, this time directly to Chase.

'I'm sure it was' He smiles. 'How about a bottle of something to celebrate?'

'That would be amazing'

'That's on the house Chase' Karen's voice suddenly sounds from beside them. 'And can you bring a few bottles of my favourites over to the table?'

'Yes mam' Chase smirks as he migrates toward the fridge and goes about sourcing the requested bottles.

'Karen I can pay' Brooke bickers.

'Enough of that. Put your money away Brooke Davis. My club. My rules'

'And how many times? Don't call me Mam you' She wags her finger at the bar tender. 'It makes me feel about 100'

'Sorry boss' He grins mischievously.

'Chase' Karen rolls her eyes.

'You are the boss' Brooke smiles.

'Uhuh. And you're your own boss now too' The older woman affectionately tucks the brunette's hair behind her ear. 'I'm so proud of you sweetie'

Brooke shyly looks down. 'That means...a lot'

'Mum and Dad not coming here?'

'No' She looks back up at Karen then. 'I'm surprised they even stopped by earlier to be honest, they don't get why I'm doing this here and not in LA'

Karen widens her eyes and shakes her head. 'God I've got a word or two I'd like to give them. You're amazing you hear me? Amazing and we all love you so much'

Peyton interlinks her hand with Brooke's then. 'I second that'

'Stop it you two or I'm gonna cry'

Karen laughs. Kisses Brooke's flushed cheek. 'I'm just gonna go and check in with the babysitter quick. I'll see you two back over there' She nods in the direction that their party have set up base and rubs Peyton's arm as she passes earning her a little smile from the blonde.

'So are Hales and Nate here too?' Chase wonders.

'Uhuh. There's a few of us. If you get off early you should join' Brooke murmurs.

'I finish at ten so will do. It'll be nice to catch up with Luke. I'll bring this over to the table for you with the other bottles ok?'

'Thanks Chase' Brooke's head bobs a little too enthusisatically as he disappears.

She can feel Peyton's eyes wearing a hole in her. Counts to three before Peyton's voice sounds. 'Did he just say Luke?' Brooke pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. 'B?' Brooke slowly twists to face Peyton.

'Ok so...' She swallows. 'Word on the street is Luke might pop his head in'

Peyton's eyes are wide. 'Word on the street' She echoes.

'Mhm'

'Brooke' The panicked blonde shakes her head.

'It's alright. Don't look so scared P'

'But I...I'm...' Peyton looks down at herself.

'Looking beautiful? Doing amazingly? Have yourself a job? Have your own apartment?' Brooke reels off.

Peyton flexes her hands. '...I, I don't think I'm ready. I'm not-'

'Well erm. Kinda don't have choice right now' Brooke squeezes her hand before averting her stare to the person that's just appeared as if on cue behind the fretting blonde. 'Luke you made it!'

'Of course I did'

Brooke is quick to hug him. He swings her around and she shrieks and laughs. 'Hey buddy!'

'How was it?' He demands as he sets her down.

'Good'

'Good? I need more than good Brooke Davis. It went well?'

'Uhuh. I sold quite a few things. I mean it was mostly your mum and friends but there were a few buyers there that want a meeting so that's promising'

'More than promising Brooke! That's amazing!' His eyes trail to Peyton then. Hasn't meant to ignore her for the last ten seconds. 'Hey...you' He breathes out.

He's already let himself inspect her from afar. Has already taken in her attire. Her hair. Has been watching her for the last few minutes. Has smiled silently because the changes are more than evident. It's not as though her appearance is a huge shock. Not as though he's not been fed regular updates on her courtesy of his mother and friends. Brooke in particular is forever supplying him with recent photos. He's sure it's not really appropriate. Is sure the blonde is oblivious to the fact that snaps of their days out are being sent to him on a regular basis. It doesn't matter that he's had frequent updates. Seeing her so close in person is still jarring. Completely surreal. Because last time he'd been face to face with her she was still in a mental health facility.

'Luke' She licks her lips. Why is her mouth so dry? Her heart is thumping in her chest. Her hands are sweating.

He hesitates but then draws her into an awkward hug. He wants to linger. Wants to never let go. Knows suffocating her in the first 60 seconds probably isn't the best idea.

'How're you?' He inquires as he releases her.

'Good' She nods dumbly. She's overwhelmed and confused. She'd been ok just a few minutes ago. Had known exactly how this evening was going. She was going to go over to the table where their friends and family were gathered in celebration. She was going to talk to her Dad and Karen for a bit. Was going to see how Milly was getting on in her new job. Was going to ask Julian what he thought they should do for Brooke's Birthday that was coming up. She had a plan. A very detailed plan of action for the evening because planning helped her avoid anxiety. This, right now, this isn't part of her plan.

'Yeah?-'

'I er...' She opens and closes her mouth and then she's pointing aimlessly. 'Toilet. I need the toilet'

His eyebrow raises. 'Right' He nods. 'Of course, sure' He steps out of her way.

She's quick to scarper.

His eyes swivel to Brooke in a panic. 'It's alright. She's fine. I promise' She grips both his arms. 'Don't freak out. Everyone is over near the pool table'

'Brooke-'

'She's fine! I promise she just needs a minute!'

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'Peyton!' Brooke hollers as she waltzes into the girls toilets. 'Peyton!'

'I'm ok!' The blonde mumbles back after a beat. Has learnt her lesson many a time in not answering her best friend.

'Where are you?' Brooke ventures down the cubicles. A door suddenly opens at the end. 'What've I told you about bloody making me run after you in heels?' Brooke gestures to her feet. Her smile is teasing.

'I'm sorry' Peyton's bottom lip wobbles.

'Oh honey it's ok. Com'ere' She embraces her friend. Rubs her back.

'...I ran away' Peyton sniffles.

'Uhuh' Brooke laughs as she eases back to analyse Peyton's face.

'Fuck. He's gonna think I'm insane'

'He doesn't think you're insane. No one has ever thought you're insane' Brooke sternly corrects. 'Least of all Lucas Scott' She tugs her over to the basins. Grabs a tissue from the side and goes about fixing the smudged mascara around her friend's eyes.

'You knew he was coming' Peyton murmurs. It's an accusation.

'Huh?' Brooke blinks as she views her handy work.

'Word on the street? Really B? You knew he was going to be here and you didn't think to tell me?'

Brooke's stare averts to the blonde's eyes. 'I didn't know per say. Well kinda' She admits. 'He might have rung a week or so ago and had a long talk with me' She divulges. 'The topic of coming might have come up but I...I didn't want to freak you out' Peyton rolls her eyes because a yes would have sufficed. 'Besides it wasn't definite and sometimes you cope better with shit when I rip it off band aid style'

'Throw me to the wolves more like' Peyton mumbles. 'Did everyone know he was gonna be here?' Brooke's sheepish expression is affirmation enough. 'For god sake'

'You don't wanna see him?'

'I just, I wanted to be prepared when we...'

'Prepared for what?'

'I don't know!' She flounders.

'Honey it's been over a year since you were discharged. You are good. You're in a really good place and I'm allowed to say that. I've seen you at rock bottom' Brooke rubs her arms. 'We didn't want you to spend the last week rehearsing lines that you don't need to. It's Luke'

Peyton sighs. '...you said you had a long talk. A long talk about...me?'

Brooke smirks at the way Peyton suddenly looks unsure of herself. 'Yes about you. The main reason he ever calls is to find out how you're getting on'

'He rings you about me?'

'Frequently'

'You've never said'

Brooke's eyebrow kinks. 'Well you were quite clear about the not seeing or contacting part. I assumed that extended to hearing about'

'Right' Peyton nods uneasily because she's thinking about the letter she'd written and god she hates thinking about that letter because she can't take it back. '...I don't really like the fact that you've both been gossiping about me behind my back'

'Honey, the boy never wanted to let you go. He did it for you that doesn't mean he stopped caring. He just needed to feel close to you in someway and I could give him that. I've not been gossiping'

Peyton opens and closes her mouth. '...so he, he's here cause...?'

Brooke can't help but roll her eyes. 'Why do you think P?'

'I don't know! If I did I wouldn't be asking you' Brooke bites back her smile because her best friend is in a fluster.

'It was my store opening honey. Everyone is here'

'Right' Peyton blinks. '...he wasn't there though'

'He had a class this afternoon. He wanted to be there but he couldn't get here for the official opening part'

'Right it's term time. He's not like quitting college right? He can't quit! He can't!'

'Woah there! Chill. No one's quit anything. You just heard me say he was at a class this afternoon crazy cat!' Brooke teases. 'He's back for the weekend. He's been coming back more frequently lately'

'He has? But I never...wait you see him a lot?'

'As much as I can...you look upset' Brooke notes.

'I'm not' Peyton shakes her head. 'Of course I'm not. I just, I...I've never bumped into him'

'Mm and maybe he's tired of all the effort that has to go into avoiding you, especially at times like this or over the holidays'

'Avoiding me. Has, has he seen me before today?' Her brow furrows.

'Come on P. I know you're not clueless. I know you know he sees Karen and Lil. You suddenly go MIA on the occasions you do know he's in town'

'Because I don't want him not being able to see who he wants in fear of me being there!'

'Don't you know that he lives for seeing you' Brooke exclaims.

'So he has seen me?'

'He's not stalking you if that's what you mean'

'Not what I meant'

'He came to that Christmas Carol thing in December. He got a very brief glimpse of you then. I tried to make him say hi but he chickened out'

'...I'd not blame him for never wanting to speak to me again B-'

'Don't be absurd. All he wants is to speak to you. He just has it in his head that you don't want to see him and see I on the other hand know that couldn't be further from the truth...I think he's been counting on you picking up the phone and maybe he's getting tired of waiting'

'...You know why I haven't'

'Mmm...actually no I don't, remind me again?'

'He's happy! I'm not deaf. I still here everyone mentioning him. He's doing well at college-'

'That doesn't mean he's happy. I'm just saying'

'He's told you he's not happy?'

'He doesn't have to. He's not with you. Of course he's not happy' Brooke exclaims. 'Look, I've kept my mouth shut. I have. I think what you decided was the right thing at the time not to mention incredibly selfless and brave. You were both so dark and you couldn't see the light. I think you weren't ready to be in a relationship after everything you went through and I don't think you were ready after your treatmentl. You weren't. But it's not long off it being eighteen months' She widens her eyes. 'A year and a half!'

'I'm aware of how much time it's been B'

'Are you also aware of how great you're doing? You're doing so great. You amaze me everyday. There was a time I was so fucking scared that I was going to get a call telling me you were dead. But you got through it, you were so strong and you'll forever be my hero-'

'Brooke' Peyton shakes her head.

'You will Peyton. I couldn't have done it. I couldn't! Everything you went through, it takes someone fucking strong to get through that'

'I don't know that I'm through it-'

'No. No you're right that was a stupid thing to say. But you, you're coping, you're living a life again. You've accepted that this awful, awful thing happened to you and I know that you're never gonna be over it exactly. I know it changed you but that's ok. I loved you before and I love you now. You're learning to live with it. I know it's not always going to be easy but I hope, I hope you can be happy. I know you have shit days but we, we've had a bunch of happy days haven't we?'

Peyton smiles because she wasn't entirely sure if her friend understood how she felt but she's pretty sure that summed it up perfectly. '...yeah'

'Oh my god' Both friends cease their conversation, heads twisting to the loud exclaim at the sink beside them. 'You're like Peyton Sawyer. That girl that was missing. Was everything true, all of those things he did to you? I've been standing here thinking how do I know you! Can I get your picture-'

'I suggest you stop right there-' Brooke glowers.

'It'll only take a sec-'

'Who do you think you are? Get the fuck out' The brunette wastes no time in dismissing this stranger from the toilets whether she's done or not. She's watched Peyton shrink and become vacant on one too many occasions when approached in a similar mindless manner.

'Brooke' Peyton's eyes widen but the girl gets the message and is quick to vacate. 'You can't talk to people like that!'

'The hell I can't. When it comes to idiots saying anything that could upset my best friend I'll say what I god damn please' She quips. 'Ignore her. Actual idiot' A small smile touches Peyton's lips. 'She ruined my train of thought. I was going somewhere' Brooke scowls. 'The point is, I know you love him and I know a lot of shit happened, things that are hard to deal with when it comes to being in a romantic relationship but you're at a place now where you can handle him loving you back. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I'm not. But hell, you only live once and you found the love of your life a long time ago. You made me realise I should give it a go with Julian because time is precious. So' Brooke fumbles in her purse and produces some lipstick. 'I'm going to put this on you cause somehow you've managed to lick half of it off in the last fifteen minutes and you're rocking a clown look' She winds out the subtle pink and Peyton bewilderedly obliges as her lips are painted. 'And you're going to go out there and I'm going to supply you with enough alcohol that you're going to have the courage to dance with Lucas Scott and maybe you'll even take him home'

'Brooke!'

'Careful!' Brooke berates because she nearly just issued the blonde's chin with lipstick. 'Not like that! He can see your new apartment is all!'

'You know there'd have been a time when you would have meant what I thought you just meant'

'...yeah'

'You woulda told me it's about time I got laid because I've been playing the abstinence game for far too long'

'And I'm not a fan of who that girl was P. But I'm sorry if you feel like me being a bit different about somethings is a bad thing, I just feel differently about things. I don't mean to treat you differently'

'You don't. Not really. Only sometimes'

'I'm sorry'

'No. Don't be. I'm different.' She shrugs. 'And sometimes I definitely need you to be different with me' She concedes. '...Do you think he still wants me like that?'

Brooke's brow furrows, her eyes suddenly filled with sadness. 'What? Like sex?' Peyton looks down. 'Why wouldn't he? Look at you, you're beautiful P'

She sighs. '...you have to say that'

'You are Peyton!'

'...I don't know that I want...to ever...do that...again though' She admits quietly. 'Even with him...I know I gave the impression otherwise before but I-I don't know that I can be like that, feel like that with anyone.'

Brooke watches her carefully. Hesitates. '...Luke would never, ever pressure you into anything. Surely you know that? And, well, as far as you feeling that way I, I don't think you're going to feel like that forever honey'

'...But what if I do?'

'Then he'll deal. He loves you. He'd be happy with just being allowed to see you again'

'...that's like, really unfair though. He, he has...needs'

'I don't think you need to get hung up on any of that, especially not right this second'

'I was so screwed up before B, I said and did things that, that weren't me...' She shakes her head. 'I was so horrible to him. So horrible'

'You weren't horrible. You weren't well. He knows that'

'Yeah but, I can't take it back. I can't, I can't make that right and if I, if I ever did decide I want...that...how could he ever want me in that way? And what if it's not good? I mean you say we're meant to be together but we've never even had sex, what if I'm not... I wish we'd slept together before. I know when we eventually got together I wasn't a virgin but it was going to be different than anyone else. It was. I know it was because everything was different with him. I was so in love with him. And then... he, he took that away from me'

'Honey if anyone can help you with all of those feelings it's Luke. Ian Banks could never take away the love that either of you have for each other. I saw you out there. You were panicking and yet your cheeks were still blushing and you went all goggly eyed'

'No I didn't'

'Yes. You did. You know when I first saw that face? When we were at that party and I was being a bitch and dared you to kiss him. He still makes you weak at that knees. And when it comes to sex- I really do think it'll happen, it might take a while, it might not- but he's the last person that's ever going to pressure you when it comes to that'

'...what's it like with Julian?'

'Sex?'

Peyton hesitates. 'Is that a weird question? It's a weird question right? Sorry, I just-'

'P' Brooke shakes her head and clutches her hand. 'You can ask me anything. It's not weird. We use to talk about this stuff remember?'

'Yes. Well you talked at me I don't think I ever told you much'

'No, that sounds about right' Brooke murmurs with a small smile. 'It's...different'

'Different?'

'Yes. To anything I've experienced before. It, it's more intense'

'In a good way?'

'In the best way' She expels. 'It, it's like he knows exactly how to touch me' Peyton presses her lips together. 'I know you know how that is. Because even though you two never went the whole way I know Luke made you feel like that' Brooke murmurs. 'I was always curious about the look you got on your face whenever he was near and it, it's only now, now that I'm with Julian that I understand...And you will have that again. I promise you will...but you're trying to run before you can walk right now. You've not had a conversation with the boy for forever P. You don't even need to be thinking about sex right now. I mean work on talking to him first hey?' She teases.

'...right...talking...I know' Peyton nods.

'If you want to have it you will and if you don't then that's ok too. Sex doesn't make a person whole'

'You think Luke would have me even if we never had sex?'

'I think he's in love with you so he'll have whatever you'll allow him to'

'Would you stay with Julian if you didn't have sex?'

Brooke ponders her question. 'I don't ever want to be without him so I think I'd be able to sacrifice anything for him...I mean I'd sure as hell miss the sex' She honestly answers. '...honey I promise that'll come. You're over thinking this. One thing I do know is that that boy is out there having a canary because he thinks you don't want to see him right now and I know that's so not the case so can we go put him out of his misery?'

She wrings her hands together. '...This night is meant to be about you and just you'

'It is! You don't think me seeing you happy is for me too? Come. Enough stalling'

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'Lucas' Karen grabs his wrist frantically. 'Stop' She hisses. She doesn't want to make a scene. Doesn't want to embarrass him but but he can't leave. She won't let him.

'I don't want to upset her Mum! It's not a big deal. I'll go-'

'You'll do no such thing' His brow raises at her stern tone because he's not been faced with it in some time. 'You're not upsetting her. She's just been caught off guard. Brooke will have her out here in a minute'

'Your Mum is right' Larry has swooped in on the other side of him, helping in hindering his departure. 'She'll be devastated if she comes out here to find you gone'

'I think the word you're looking for is relieved. She didn't look happy to see me'

'She's never been the greatest with surprises, even less so now-'

'It was you lot who decided it'd be better she didn't know!'

'Yes' Larry concedes. 'Maybe that wasn't the best call but I'm not sure she'd have come otherwise'

Lucas expands his eyes. 'Oh great' He drones sarcastically. 'Why're you all so sure she's ready to see me when you think she'd outright avoid coming to her best friend's party so she didn't have to see me?!'

'She just, I think she feels badly about everything. She's nervous to speak to you. Despite our reassurances I think she thinks you're upset with her.'

He scrapes his hand through his hair. 'Honey' Karen's hand has settled on his back now and moves in a soothing circle. 'Trust me. Please don't go. Besides it's Brooke's evening, she needs you here too'

'I just...I don't want to upset her'

'You're not'

They all jump. Lucas's head jerks toward her voice. 'Peyton' His eyes are like a deer in headlights. Karen and Larry wordlessly edge away.

'Hi' She blinks.

'Hi' He smiles nervously. 'Are you alright?'

'Uhuh' She's holding a glass of wine that Brooke has just issued her with. It's not lost on her that their friends and family are all intently watching them. She purposefully stands with her back to them because she doesn't want to catch her Dad's gaze. 'Sorry' She blurts. 'I didn't mean to run away before'

He shakes his head. 'It's ok'

'It's not' She disagrees.

'It is' He argues. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you' He smiles sheepishly.

'You didn't. Well sort of' She changes her mind. 'Not the bad kind though' She looks down. Back up. Down. Takes several gulps of her wine.

He watches. 'You sure you're ok?' He squints at her.

She blinks. 'Mm. I probably shouldn't have been issued with this though' She reaches past him and sensibly sets it down on the table behind him so she doesn't wind up downing the whole thing in one go.

'...You like wine now?'

'Mm, I mean when Brooke's choosing it's always good'

He smiles. 'Yes' Laughs. 'She's quite the connoisseur isn't she?'

'At many things'

'Yes'

'...I don't really drink often though' She quickly blurts. Doesn't want him to get the impression she's out all the time. 'Just the odd glass' She adds. Cringes at herself because she's sure she seems a little insane. But she cares what he thinks. Cares a whole lot. 'Sorry I...I'm nervous' She confesses.

'You don't need to be nervous. I don't want to make you nervous' He rambles back.

'You don't make me nervous, I mean I didn't know you were coming and I don't know why you're here, well I do, for Brooke's opening right? I, it just made me nervous because it's been so long. It's been a long time right? Your eyes seem bluer. Are your eyes bluer?'

He laughs because she's not come up for air and he's not sure if it's her nerves or if she's in fact a little tipsy. 'Erm I don't think so' He says of his eyes. Smiles. 'I wanted to come to Brooke's opening but I had an assessment that I couldn't really miss today, hence why I only made it to this bit...Of course I wanted to come and support her but also I wanted to see you...That's why I'm here Peyton... to see you'

She inhales. Averts her eyes to the floor. 'You wanted to see me?'

He tilts his head to better see her lips. Her quiet words harder to distinguish over the hum of people and music. 'Yes. I wanted to see you' He smiles. 'I did give everyone a heads up but well it was thought that perhaps telling you might make you unnecessarily anxious. Maybe everyone was wrong about that. Maybe warning you would've been better'

'I dunno...I might not have come if I'd known...'

He swallows. 'Right- would you like me to go?'

Her head jolts up then. 'No! That...' Shakes her head vigorously. 'That's not what I meant'

'I wanted to just text you to be honest but I was talked out of it' He confesses. 'Something about it's harder to interpret how words are being said via text yada yada'

'I guess they've got a point...me saying I might not have come if I'd known... I just meant I think maybe I would've got too scared but not cause I, not cause I don't want to see you' She smiles anxiously.

'I know me telling you not to be anxious is probably the least helpful thing if that's what you're feeling but please know you needn't be worried about seeing me, it's just me...How have you been?' He dares to ask and she's quickly looking up at him again.

'Fine...' She nods enthusiastically and then her brow knits together. '...Maybe not exactly fine. But better. I've been good' She decides. 'I got a job a couple of months ago, about time right? I can't let Dad look after me forever'

'Mum told me. How are you getting on? Do you like it? It's in a school right? Like teaching assistant?'

'Uhuh. I was a bit of a mess at first, but I think I'm getting use to it. It's not really me huh? But well, I know it's stupid but I get really jittery around people but 7 year olds not so much. I think I was majorly awkward but I, I'm still there so I guess I can't be completely awful'

'It's not stupid. I'm really proud of you Peyton' He praises. 'Like I can't even put into words how proud I am'

She shakes her head. 'You sound like Brooke, I'm going to get a big head with the amount of complements that girl fires at me'

'I'm sure they're only truths. You happen to be pretty amazing Peyton Sawyer'

She brushes off his complement. 'How about you? Is college going ok?'

'It's alright'

'Just alright?'

'I like my course'

'That's, that's good'

'Yeah'

'...and you, you've made friends?'

'Yeah. Some.'

'That, that's good'

'Yeah. It took a while but there's a few people that I get on really well with'

'That's good' Her head bobs. '...and you, are you, have you found-'

'I'm not with anyone' He's quick to cut off where he knows her floundering question is headed. He stops himself from saying of course he's not. His eyes linger on her and she can feel her cheeks getting hot.

'Lily is gonna be so pleased to have you home for the weekend' She changes the subject hastily.

'Mm. She's a little daredevil huh?'

'Yeah' Peyton smiles fondly.

'She reminds me of you. She's so determined and stubborn' She wants to tell him that she doesn't think that really sounds like her, not anymore anyway but she bites her lip instead. 'I guess you don't need me telling you what she's like though, you see Mum and Lil a lot'

'...yes. Sorry' She ducks her head. Her hair falls over her eyes.

'Why sorry?'

'I don't know I just' She scrapes her locks back behind her ear. 'I don't know if you're ok with that. I probably should've asked if it was ok with you to still see them'

He smiles because she's rambling again. 'You don't need to ask my permission to do anything Peyton. It makes me happy to hear about your visits' She wants to tell him that she likes her visits most because she feels close to him. Gets a glimpse into how he's doing without asking any direct questions. 'Lily adores you so much'

'I adore her back. She's so cute. And funny. And so beautiful. She's nothing like you' He laughs because her words just made it sound like she finds him to be utterly unattractive. He knows that's not what she meant. 'I didn't mean-'

'I know Peyton' He cuts her off. She feels like her legs have turned to jelly in all of an instant because he just said her name in a familiar husky drawl. 'She's all Keith and Mum...Do you want to dance?' His question comes out of nowhere. To her anyway. It's been on the tip of his tongue since she'd returned from the toilets.

'Dance?'

'Yeah'

'Me?'

'Yeah. You and me. Don't worry, I won't let you fall' He holds his hand out and she hesitates. 'You can say no'

'I don't want to say no' She interlaces her fingers with his. Feels an electric jolt as they touch. Bites her lip as he leads her away from the eyes of their watching family. When he finally stops walking and looks back at her her brow is kinked because he's walked her to the other side of the bar.

'Kind of had enough of the vultures watching us' He explains his endeavour to get them as far away as possible.

She smiles.

They both pause and then his hand is awkwardly on her waist, the other still interlaced with hers. The music has abruptly changed and they look at each other knowingly because the not so smooth transition to a slower tune that they both happen to know Brooke Davis loves is a blatant give away that the brunette in question has just all but demanded that it be changed much to everyone else's confusion.

'God are they still watching us?' She wonders.

'I suspect they're trying but there's a lot of people and a pillar blocking us. I can't see anyone' He smiles. 'Is this ok?' He wonders as he sways her gently.

Her eyes seem bigger as she looks up into his face. '...yes'

'I hope you don't feel too ambushed, I'm aware that that's exactly what you have been and I really didn't want that-'

She's shaking her head 'You haven't ambushed me Luke' She smiles. He smiles.

'I can't tell you how good it is to see you Peyton' He murmurs suddenly.

'It is?'

'God yes'

'It's good to see you too Luke' She quietly replies.

He smiles back. He wants to tell her she looks beautiful because god does she look beautiful but he refrains from doing so. Doesn't want to comment too much on her appearance. Has heard through both his mother and Brooke that she's self conscious about her body and all the visible scars she has. 'Did you enjoy Brooke's opening?'

She ponders his question. 'She's done amazingly. I can't believe how she, she's done that all by herself'

'I hear she's had a fair bit of help from you'

'Hardly' She snorts. 'I did what I could, I feel so guilty that she could've set everything up so much quicker had it not been for me. She'd probably have a whole empire right now if she'd not spent her trust fund on everything she did'

'You think that money was wasted?' He's frowning. 'Because it wasn't. Not a single penny' He sounds so stern and it makes butterflies flap in her belly because he cares so much about her. Even now. 'I know she doesn't regret it Peyton. She'd do it all again in a heartbeat. As would've you if it had been the other way round'

'You sound like Jules'

He smiles. 'Well I have had a lot of conversations with Jules'

'Yes' She knows.

'I saw the artwork you did for Brooke. It's beautiful' She blushes. 'She's not stopped raving about it'

'I'm glad she's happy with it'

'So what was the opening like?'

'I er, I struggle a bit with those things. It was ok but a bit overwhelming being around a lot of strangers' She relays honestly. 'I know it's ridiculous but I have a hard time trusting people'

'Not ridiculous. I don't find it the easiest either'

She smiles sadly. '...Brooke er, she knows what I'm like though. She er, she and your Mum made sure not to leave me alone'

'Do you feel like that in here?'

'It's better here it, it's not as intimate you know? I don't feel like I'm going to be cornered into talking with anyone I don't want to'

'I might be guilty of having done that'

'You didn't corner me Luke, and whilst I see why you'd assume otherwise considering how I said hi, I do want to talk to you'

He smiles. 'I'm glad Mum and Brooke were able to make you feel like you could be there. I know it meant a lot to Brooke having you there'

'...yeah. Do, would you wanna get out of here?'

'Leave?'

'Yeah...er, Brooke said it was ok if we wanted to go talk. It, it's a bit loud in here isn't it?'

'Yeah, yeah-'

'But I'm sure there's other people here you want to catch up with so if you'd rather-'

'If you're happy to leave I'd like that'

She hesitantly smiles. 'I need to tell Dad I'm going'

'Of course'

'...maybe I could, I could show you my apartment?'

'I'd love nothing more'

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'Er yeah so' She flattens her palms together and rocks back and forth on her toes. 'This is it'

'It's...' His eyes gaze around the small apartment, his words failing because he's looking at the photographs. They're of his kid sister. Of Brooke. Of everyone. But him.

'Small I know but it's mine...' Her eyes follow his, a nervous knot in her stomach. 'I did have ones of us up, of you. A lot actually but I...' He's looking at her now. 'I kept getting upset'

'Upset' He echoes.

'Seeing your photo just...it's not because I don't want you up there it just, it felt like a constant reminder that you're not here and what I've...' She trails off.

He knows what her last word was going to be though. 'You didn't lose anything' he steps toward her and takes her hand. 'I'm right here'

'...yes' Her smile is small. Shy.

'You've not lost me. You never lost me' She licks her lips. Looks down at their interlinked hands. 'You know I've only stayed away because it's what you asked me to do right?'

'...I know...that letter was...' Her brow furrows. 'I hope I didn't hurt you too much' She whispers.

'...it, it all made sense'

'I'm not sure it did because I, I didn't mean it all' She whispers.

'I know you didn't' He nods. 'I mean I've read it a billion times over and I'm not gonna say I've not had my doubts from time to time but I know...I know what you were trying to convey'

'Yeah?'

'You wanted me to go to college so you wouldn't forever be feeling like you've been a burden and that you've hindered my life. And even though that was never, never the case, I wasn't doing those things because I was so wrapped up in you and getting you better and that, it wasn't healthy. You also needed to do this by yourself, you needed to be independent and not lean on me'

Her bottom lip wobbles. 'I wrote...' She swallows. Looks into his eyes. 'Please say you've known I didn't mean all of it' His hand finds her face.

'Of course I knew' Relief washes over her features. '...I mean I was mad at first because I felt like you thought I wouldn't see through what you were doing and then I was mad because even though I did see through it you wouldn't see me and then I was forced to consider there was nothing to see through. And then I...well I thought I'd just have to wait a couple of terms before you reached out to me. I wanted to give you that time and space. I wanted you to learn that you, you're not defined by anyone else and, and everyone was telling me how you, you needed to learn not to be dependent on me and I had to learn to let you be independent too...' He sighs. 'All I've wanted is for you to be happy and I, I hoped I was giving you a better shot of that by staying away but the longer I've stayed away the harder and harder it's been for me to come and speak to you because I've heard about how you're doing so great and I didn't want to...' He presses his lips together.

'Because of you Luke' Her voice is small. '...I've, I've gotten better' She nods. '...because I, I've wanted to get better...for you' His smile is watery. He swallows thickly. '...you've, what you just said...I, I wanted, I've wanted to speak to you too but I, I didn't want to, to fuck up college for you or if you, you met someone I didn't want-'

'Of course I haven't met anyone Peyton! Don't you think Mum and Brooke would've told you if I was dating?' The word leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

Peyton ducks her head. 'Well I kinda, I kinda avoid you as a subject for the most part to be honest' She risks looking up at him. 'Because I get a bit down and I, I dunno, it wouldn't be a huge surprise if they were trying to keep something like that from me in fear of how I'd take it but I, I'd take it ok' She nods. 'You being happy that, that's all that matters. If you met someone I'd be happy. If you're happy I'd be able to be happy for you'

'Peyton I never, I've never...I couldn't just...' He trails off. 'I think I might be moving back to Tree Hill' He changes the subject before he starts bawling.

'Wait what?' She's shaking her head. 'Don't give up college Luke'

'I'm not gonna give it up. I just, I want to commute. I don't want to be on campus anymore. It's not far. Plus I actually only have lectures and stuff three days a week now. I miss you too much but that's not, you're not the sole reason before you freak out. I also want to be here for Mum. To help with Lil. I'm missing her grow up. She was actually shy of me earlier. I hate that...do you hate the idea?' She blinks. She's frowning. 'If you'd rather I didn't then of course I won't-'

'Of course I don't hate the idea. I, I want you to do whatever makes you happy...Not to sound like I, I think everything's about me but you promise it's not just about...me?' She cringes at herself.

'I promise' he squeezes her hand. 'You are a part of it though. A big part. Of course you are but I'm not happy living there and I know it's not much longer but I, I think I've given it long enough you know? I think I'm going to love it so much more if I can be here and there...I like it. I love where it is' His wandering eyes highlight that he's back to talking about the apartment.

'Yes. I liked that too'

'Miss Sawyer' His stare has found her fridge door and a child's drawing.

'A kid from school did it'

'I bet they love you'

'I don't know about that'

'I do...I see your Dad has secured the place' He nods to the door. She rolls her eyes because the many locks seem excessive.

'Yes' But it does make her feel more at ease. 'I think the video call thing is a bit much'

'I don't'

'Of course you don't'

He smiles. 'I'm surprised he's not got cctv up in here'

'We compromised. I let him go to town outside'

'I noticed'

'He's here every five seconds anyway'

'Do you mind?'

'No. Not really. I'm happy if it makes him feel better'

'I'm sure he'll ease up- it's only been a couple of months right?'

'Yeah...Do, would you mind if I got changed out of this quick?' He startles. 'I just, I love it but I've been in it all day and I just wanna be comfy you know?'

'Of course'

'Ok' She smiles. 'I won't be a sec'

'Are you tired cause I can-'

'No!' She cuts off what she knows is going to be his suggestion that he go. 'I mean, obviously if you're tired and you'd like to go but this isn't, wasn't me asking you to go I, I just wanna change'

'Ok' He smiles. 'I don't wanna go Peyton. I was just making sure'

'Ok' She points to the little hallway. Takes two steps then halts. '...erm do you think you could maybe undo the button at the back. I, I can probably reach it but it'd be easier if-'

'Of course I can' He walks over to where she's hovering. She bites her lip before turning around.

He swallows. Hesitates before gently pushing her locks over her shoulder and out the way. Quickly goes about the task. He wants to take his time. Let his hand drift along the back of her neck. Doesn't. Daren't. 'There we go'

'Thank you' She doesn't loiter. 'I'll be back in a minute'

She literally is. She all but trips out of her dress and fumbles to pull some sweatpants and a hoodie on before speeding back out into the living area like he's going to vanish from the face of the earth at any given second.

When she reappears he's looking at framed photos that he's not seen before. Moments he's missed. 'That was on a weekend Brooke took me on'

'The camping one?'

'Right...it seems you two have been sharing a lot'

'Does that bother you?'

'No, I don't think so...we always did deal with things differently huh? You, you feel better knowing about...things and I, I'd rather not know because it, it makes it harder'

'..it's ok that we deal differently'

'I think yours is probably healthier' She wrings her hands together. 'I bury my head in the sand. I know I'm guilty of that'

'Who could blame you for that?'

'...I guess...I guess it just means you get to tell me about everything you've been doing'

'I think I can do that. Shall we sit down?' She nods and follows him to the sofa. She chews on the inside of her cheek. They're both quiet for a minute. '...Isn't that mine?' He blurts suddenly.

She looks down at the hoody she's wearing. '...oh yeah. I er, sort of live in it. It's so comfy. Sorry-'

'No' He cuts off her apology. 'I like that you wear it still...Peyton I, I don't wanna overwhelm you or make you feel like...' He scrapes his hand through his hair. 'I dunno, just, this isn't me pressuring you to, for any...fuck I don't know what I'm saying' He laughs nervously. 'I just, what I'm trying to say is I'd, I'd really like it, if you feel like you're up to it, obviously only if you feel like it's, it's ok, that I wondered if maybe I could maybe start seeing you from, from time to time' He waits with bated breath.

'Like...' She swallows. '..to date?'

He smiles. It's small. Hesitant. Unsure. 'Whatever you want. Or, or just friends. I, I'll take whatever' He nods enthusiastically. 'I miss you, so much'

'Do you want to stay?' It comes out in one breath, her eyes wide and nervous. He squints. That squint is familiar. It's not what it once was though. It's not playful and accusing. It's pure uncertainty because he's confused by her question in answer to his declaration. 'I don't mean...' She trails off, her cheeks a pink shade. 'Not to...just to talk? And I mean talk I don't mean talk, talk, you know?'

'Talking with words' He smiles at her babbling. Is relieved because for a moment he'd been anticipating a conversation they'd had time and time again about him not feeling they're ready for sex and her declaring otherwise. 'I get it. I'd love to just talk with you'

'I'm...'

'You're?'

'I miss you too' He smiles. '...I'm so, so happy you're here but I'm also so...I'm so scared that you're here Luke' She admits.

'You don't need to be scared' His thumb drifts over her wrist. His gaze braves following his fingers pathway. 'What're you scared of?'

'...saying the wrong thing'

'You can't say the wrong thing Peyton'

'...I have, did...before'

'No you didn't'

'Yes. I did. Many times. I, I told you things that weren't even true'

'I know'

'So much so that you didn't know what was real and fake...did you?'

'...for the most part I think I could tell but yes, there were moments when I couldn't...Can I?' She opens and closes her mouth before nodding. He eases the sleeves of her sweatshirt up to reveal the jagged white lines that mar her skin.

'Does it look the same as it did the last time I saw you?'

His stare jerks back up to her face. 'No. They're barely visible' It's the truth. It really is.

'Still noticeable enough for people to stare sometimes' She murmurs. 'I like keeping my arms covered'

'You're beautiful. So, so beautiful Peyton' She softly shakes her head. 'You are. These don't make you anything but strong and brave'

'I tried to kill myself Luke. That's not brave'

'But you've come back from that. You can't do anything braver than that' Her eyes are glassy as a small smile graces her lips. '..do you remember that day?'

'The day I did it?'

'Yes'

'...I don't like to but yes. In parts anyway. Mostly your face. It haunts me a lot'

'You laying on the bathroom floor haunts me a lot' He admits.

'I don't think I can ever...' She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. '...tell you how sorry I am for everything I, I put you through' She nods. 'It really' Her voice wobbles. 'It really kills me how much I, I hurt you' Her nostrils flare.

'You didn't-'

'You can't say that Luke' She cuts in and shakes her head. 'I did. I know I did. In so many ways. I didn't mean to but I know I did'

'But you see it differently to me. It wasn't you who was hurting me Peyton. Never. It was him. You weren't well and god that wasn't your fault'

She smiles sadly. '...no. It wasn't' Nods. 'I'm still sorry though'

'You needn't be' He shakes his head. They're quiet for a moment. His thumbs drawing circles on her hands. His touch is both foreign and delightfully familiar all at once.

'...Brooke says I should just work on the talking with you part' She utters suddenly. His stare skitters back to her face. 'and I get that but I don't want to lead you on in anyway so I, I think it, it might be important that I tell you that I, I know before I was admitted to hospital I gave you the impression I wanted us to...' She swallows. 'have sex but I...I don't want...I don't know that I'll ever want...that...' He clasps both her hands then. Tries to ease the anxious expression on her face.

'And that's absolutely fine-'

'It's not. It's not you' She hastily adds. 'It's got nothing to do with you. It's just me. I don't know why-'

'Peyton' He cuts her off. 'It's ok...we never have to do anything you don't want to. Ever' He emphasises.

'...but then...' She frowns. Shakes her head.

'Yes?'

'Nothing'

'Talk to me' He gently hums.

'It's just...if we like date or whatever but never have...sex...how is, this isn't... I, I can't ask that of you, I-'

'You can ask anything of me-'

'So you'd go through the rest of your life abstaining because I don't want to do something so natural to the rest of the world, you'd be able to get over wanting me like that?'

He smiles. 'Well I'm never going to not want you like that but me wanting you in that way is just that. It's a desire. It's not a necessity' She sighs. 'Yes I could go through the rest of my life not having you in that way. I'll not stop wanting you like that but if you don't want that then it doesn't matter-'

'I don't want you to make do Lucas'

'Would you rather I didn't want you in that way?' He wonders.

She ponders his question. '...no...no I don't think so, I'm not upset by you wanting me like that I, I like that you still want me...I'm not making sense. I'm sorry'

'Yes. You are. I think you liking that I want you suggests there is some desire there. It's just wrapped up in a whole lot of anxiety. And we can work through that. You once wanted that with me so much. Don't you remember?'

'...Of course I remember'

'I have every faith that you'll feel that way again. It's completely understandable that you feel like you do right now. There, there's, I'm not saying we're not going to have hurdles and challenges...but like Brooke said, we don't even need to be talking about this right now' He shakes his head. Smiles. 'Of all the things I anticipated us talking about tonight this definitely wasn't one of them. All I want is to talk and be around you. It's all I want. This, what we're doing right now, just being in the same room as you is a dream come true. Being your friend. Hanging out. We don't have to concern ourselves with the future or put a label on what we are. There's zero pressure'

'Could you...don't you think you could, could have, feel how you felt about me-'

'Feel not felt' He corrects.

She licks her lips. 'Don't you think you could potentially feel that for someone else?'

'But I don't want to...I'm, I'm sure I could force myself to be in a relationship, sure I could love someone but it wouldn't be the same as what I feel for you. I don't believe I can love anyone in the way I love you. It, it's all consuming it's, it's, I can't even explain how I feel about you Peyton...I'll never not want you. It's like asking me not to like...ice cream. Never gonna happen' He smiles. She smiles.

'...I don't want to feel like I'm, I'm stopping you from, from something good...' She mumbles. '...I, I don't want you to...if you meet someone I don't want you feeling like you're obligated to, to not...'

'You're not stopping me from anything. Other than seeing you which I, I understand, stood. I, I'm in a better place now though. I, I think you, you were right. Us not being together as bloody awful as it, it's been not being able to see you I, I know I needed space as well as you did. I had stuff I needed help with. We were too codependent. And I'm not, I'm, I'm not saying I might not have some wobbly moments because I definitely have days where I, I kinda lose my mind thinking about everything but I know, I know I love you and I know I, we, we can get through anything'

She can feel her eyes welling. Tries to battle the tears away.

Her phone startles them both.

She blinks. '...sorry it'll be Dad' She retrieves the phone. Presses the device to her ear. 'Hi Dad...uhuh, uhuh we're back...uhuh...mmm...just talking...I'll tell him...I will...Ok...love you too' She smiles bashfully as she hangs up. 'He says it'd be nice to see you properly at some point this weekend'

'I'd like that'

'...he's acting like he didn't know you were going to be here but I know that's not the case' Lucas's eyebrow raises. 'He's not very good at feigning surprise' She answers his expression.

'I do talk to your Dad a bit' He admits. '...I'm sorry-'

'Don't be sorry. It's no different to me seeing your Mum is it?'

'...I guess. I, I wanted to know he was ok with the idea of me seeing you too'

'...he doesn't really get to say who I see Luke'

'No. I know that. I wasn't asking permission I just, he knows how you are and I didn't want to rock the boat if he thought it wasn't the time'

She nods once. '...Ok'

'Ok?' His brow furrows.

'I...I'd like it if we, we hung out or whatever' He smiles. 'But I, will you promise me that if, if you do meet someone, you'll still like go on dates and if you, you have the need to like do stuff with other-'

'Peyton-'

'You don't have to even tell me' She nods. 'Please' Her plea is desperate. 'I don't know that I can give you everything Luke and I, I want you to have everything. We don't have to be exclusive. If another girl can give you what you need and deserve then that's ok'

He breathes out heavily. It's been a long time since he's been alone with her. A long time since they've had a conversation but he still knows her. Knows her well enough to know that she's not going to drop this or condone him seeing her if he doesn't accept this condition. 'Ok' He agrees. Agrees to shut her up. She narrows her eyes. 'I swear' He rolls his eyes.

She smiles. 'Look at you rolling your eyes at me. I miss that'

'Well, an eye roll is deserved right now. You're completely overthinking'

'My favourite hobby'

'You wanna play a game?'

'A game?'

'You're Larry Sawyer's daughter. I know there has to be a pack of cards in here somewhere'

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'When are you going to dish on the goss P?' Brooke bleats down the phone. Peyton smiles awkwardly at Lucas before edging back toward the bathroom to find some privacy.

'There is no goss B' She whispers as she pulls the door closed behind her.

'Why're you whispering?'

'I'm not'

'Yes. You are. I happen to know that a certain Mr Lucas Scott didn't return home last night'

'You rung Karen?!'

'You weren't answering my messages'

'You sent your first text half an hour ago B-'

'I'm an impatient person! You know half an hour feels like an eternity' Peyton laughs down the phone. 'And you've still not told me anything!'

'We stayed up all night talking' She quietly answers.

Brooke shrieks down the phone. 'It's happening!'

'Jesus Brooke! Stop shrieking'

'I'm excited!'

'Talking, that's all. Just talking' She emphasises again. This time it's followed by a yawn.

'Talking is exciting Peyton. Talking is more than not talking'

'Yes. It is' Peyton concedes with a little laugh.

'So you're like, you've talked about like, getting back together?'

'...we're going to hang out some. He's moving back to Tree Hill but I'm guessing that's not new information to you'

'Maybe not'

'You're a traitor'

'Not my news to share'

'Mm' Peyton rolls her eyes. 'Was the rest of your night good?' She changes the subject.

'Uhuh. Drank a bit too much'

'You sound like you're suffering' She sarcastically drawls.

'Julian is' She chirps back.

'How're you never hung over?'

'Cause I know how to line a stomach and keep hydrated' She decides. 'You make me sound like I'm out getting drunk every five seconds'

'I know you're not. You're just always so...spritely. I mean probably had a total of one glass of wine and I'm not feeling ship shape'

'That's not a hangover honey. That's called lack of sleep from talking to Lucas Scott all night'

'...maybe'

'It is'

'...I'm sorry I left though'

'In the nicest possible way, I'm glad you did. You made my evening and I, I'm sorry, really I am. It wasn't anyone's intention to make you feel ganged up on'

'I know'

'Or like you didn't have a choice'

'...I was overwhelmed but I know why you orchestrated it that way...thank you'

'No thank you necessary. So I'm dragging Julian to breakfast but after that I'm intending to come play with you guys ok?'

'He might have plans B-'

Brooke's snort cuts off. 'Yeah. All of those plans revolve around you. I gotta go. Julian is looking like he might kill me if I don't get food in him ASAP'

'I hope he doesn't feel too awful'

'P feels sorry for you' Brooke rasps. A grumble of It's nice to know someone does in the background has Peyton smiling.

'Get off the phone Brooke. I'll speak to you later'

'Right. Bye. Love you'

'Love you' Peyton hangs up. Catches herself in the mirror. Runs her fingers under her eyes. Has the sudden urge to try and fix the bags under her eyes and sort out her hair. Rolls her eyes at herself a moment later before vacating the bathroom and returning to the living room.

'The Brooke interrogation?' Lucas murmurs, his brow kinked.

'How could you possibly guess?'

'I've had my own, just via text' He smirks.

'Of course you have...she's...Brooke'

'Mmm'

'Erm, so, are, shall, what, did you have plans for today?'

'Well I, I was hoping that if you're not busy my plans could be with you'

Peyton swallows. '...I'm not busy... Dad would like to see you'

'Mm. And Mum and Lily would like to see you'

'And Brooke has made it known that she wants some time with us'

He laughs. 'Well I guess we've got a full on day then'

'Yeah'

'Maybe we could do something just the two of us later though'

She smiles. 'I'd like that. Although I think you might be sick of me by then'

'Impossible' He draws her into a hug abruptly. Backs up just as quickly. 'Sorry. I, can I hug you?'

She laughs. 'You don't have to ask permission for a hug Luke'

'No?'

'No' She wraps her arms around his torso and links her hands at his back. Settles her head on his shoulder. Thinks to herself that he feels different. Broader. Wonders if he's been working out more. Wants to ask but the words get lost in the back of her throat because she's feeling shy and there are butterflies flapping in her stomach again. He drops his head to her shoulder. Inhales.

'I've missed you so much Peyton'

'I'm sorry-'

'No. No sorries ok? I just, I'm so happy right now, I can't even tell you how happy'

'...me too Luke'

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'So, how are you Lucas Scott?'

He laughs at the wide cheshire like grin on Brooke's face. 'I'm good Brooke Davis'

'Uhuh. I know' She chirps. 'Who was right?'

'Have you just come over here to brag?'

'Nope, mainly to see how you are for real but of course I have bragging rights'

'You can brag all you like' He nods. '...thank you for making me come...you were right as usual' He smiles but is quick to become serious. '...I know I've had you and Mum and Larry telling me everything about her but she, she's so different isn't she?' His eyes have located the subject of their conversation. Peyton is pushing his sister on the swing. She keeps standing in the way of the little girl's legs and pretending to be knocked backwards, much to the three year old's delight.

'Mhmmm'

'I didn't realise that I didn't quite believe you all until I started speaking to her. There's no charade. She was so honest about how she feels about so many different things'

'She's worked so hard to get to where she's at'

'Yes'

'For all of us, for herself, but mostly for you Luke' His head tilts to the brunette. 'It is' Brooke is serious now too. 'I'm not saying it's gonna be a walk in the park because it's not is it? Please don't be fooled into thinking she's 100 percent ok-'

'I'm not, I'm not'

'Right. I really believe you two can be happy together though and I'll pick up the pieces on the wobbly days' She smiles. 'Ok?'

'Ok' He pulls her into his side. 'What we do without you?'

'Oh I dunno. It'd be hard'

'Unbearable' He agrees most seriously. She laughs. 'Serious' He kisses her head. 'Did I thank you already?'

'Ok I was kidding'

'I know. I wasn't. Where's Julian?'

'He'll be here soon. He needed to get an hour of study in. He's been working non stop for his final exams. I'm not sure how he's still functioning on how little sleep he's getting'

'It'll all be done soon. It'll be nice to get to know him better'

'Uhuh. I'm sure he'll be pleased to have another buddy around. I think he feels outnumbered with girls sometimes'

'Never a bad thing Brooke'

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They've gotten into a routine. College. Work. Lazy days with their parents and Lily. Eating ice cream down the pier with Brooke and Julian. Watching films. Playing board games. It's easy. And neither of them take a second of it for granted.

'Do you think there's something going on between them two?' Lucas enquires as he sits down beside her on the bleachers. Her eyes skitter to their parents.

'My Dad and your Mum?'

'They seem close'

'...I have had my suspicions' She smiles as she looks back up at him.

'Oh? Have you seen something?'

'No, not really but he pops into the cafe a fair bit. He looks after Lily sometimes when your Mum has to work. Now that I'm moved out they could be seeing each other more than I'm aware...would it bother you?'

He ponders her question. '...I don't know. I mean all I want is for them to be happy so no, I don't think so. I don't see much changing in terms of us as a family unit. I guess it's kinda weird though isn't it?'

'...maybe a little. I think it'd be weirder if we were like in school and had grown up in a brother and sister kinda setting. We didn't'

'Yeah' He nods. 'Definitely never viewed you like a sister. In any way' He shakes his head vigorously earning him an amused smile.

'I mean really they've acted like a couple for a good while...they made a lot of decisions about us together'

'That's true. I mean that's gotta be a sign of a solid relationship right? Two people that can handle us?'

She laughs. 'Mm...' It wanes. 'They deserve happiness and if that's together' She shrugs her shoulder. 'I think I can handle it'

'...yeah. Agreed'

'You think we need to tell them that?'

'...Maybe. But it's kinda fun seeing how far they'll go before they have to speak to us. Talk about role reversal' He smirks. 'Shouldn't they be grilling us'

'Benefits of dating a crazy girl is you can get away with avoiding grilling'

'Not crazy. Dating huh? What happened to no labels?'

She nudges his side. Blushes. He laughs. Interlinks their hands. 'Wanna play ball with me?'

She pouts. 'Sure, pick the game that you're unbeatable at'

He laughs. 'That's definitely debatable these days. Ask Nathan. And I happen to know you use to be a pretty good shot actually'

'Ok. As long as you know that when your sister wakes up from her nap she's totally gonna wanna play so you'll have to fight me for who's team she gets to go on'

He laughs. 'That's not gonna be a fight Peyton. She'll wanna be with you no question and I wouldn't have it any other way'

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'What?' She smiles and pushes him because he's stopped trying to tackle the ball from her in favour of staring at her.

'Sorry you're just...'

'What?' She widens her eyes expectantly. She's out of breath. She thinks she needs to start exercising more because she's exhausted and he doesn't seem to be the slightest bit worn out.

'You look so pretty right now'

'Ha' She shoves him again. 'Liar. We've just been running around like crazy people. I'm all sweaty and gross'

'Not from where I'm stood' She presses her lips together. He doesn't miss the anxiety that's quick to dance across her face '...sorry'

'No' She blurts. 'You don't need to say sorry Luke'

'No?'

'No. I'm not opposed to a compliment from you'

He smiles. 'Your face says otherwise'

'It does?' She turns her nose up a little. 'I'm sorry. Ignore my face...' She discards the ball to the asphalt.

'It's hard to ignore something that's evidently making you uncomfortable' He softly murmurs. 'I don't want to make you uncomfortable'

She swallows. '...you're not Luke' She sighs. '...I think I, a compliment wasn't necessarily the best thing for me for a good while' She looks down. 'It was followed by someone touching me that I didn't want touching me and I, I wound up wishing I was anything but pretty' She murmurs. 'Not that I think I'm pretty' Her eyes skitter back up to him.

'You should think you are' He takes her hand. 'I know you'd never have bragged and I know you use to have your insecurities but I think you use to feel alright about yourself' She doesn't say anything. 'You're so, so beautiful'

She rolls her eyes. 'Sorry' She's quick to whisper because she's sure she probably just made the same face that he just called her out for.

'I hate that he made you dislike how you look'

'...I don't when you're looking at me Luke'

'No?' She shakes her head. 'Good cause I'm kinda a fan of looking at you' He smiles. 'And will happily remind you how beautiful you are if it doesn't make you too uncomfortable. Maybe you just need to hear it more...from me'

'...maybe' She bites her lip.

'Oh god' He whines.

'What?'

'Nothing'

'No. Tell me'

'I just, you're biting your lip'

She's remembering a conversation with him. One that had taken place a long time ago now. In the back of her car. He'd told her he couldn't handle it when she bit her lip. That he just had to kiss her.

'...you still...can'

He swallows. '...can'

'I mean, if you were still wanting to...'

'Are we talking about what I think we're talking about because I don't wanna assume wrongly' He squints at her.

'You can kiss me' She clarifies. '...I'm not just trying to please you' Apparently she can read his thoughts. He stares at her dumbly for a painful moment. '...but if that's not what-'

'It is' He blurts. 'God it is. Sorry you just, you took me off guard is all, I wasn't expecting you to say that' He cocks his head a little. '...you want to?'

She nods shyly.

'You promise?'

'I promise'

He smiles. Takes a step toward her. She looks down as his hand finds her face. She's still warm from their little game. Her cheeks flushed. Her eyes flutter back up to look into his face. 'Hi' He hums. She smiles. 'I've been wanting to do this since I came to Brooke's opening party' He admits.

She blinks. 'Why haven't you?' It's been a month since that night. She's surprised he's not tried if it's something he's been wanting since that night. But she's quick to remind herself that it's no great surprise in actual fact. This is Lucas Scott. Not Ian Banks.

'I thought I'd let you take the lead' He murmurs.

'I don't know how to do that really' She whispers.

He nuzzles his nose against hers. 'I won't be offended if you pull away ok?' He feels the need to declare.

'Ok' She thinks there'd have been a time when his announcement would have pissed her off but it does nothing but comfort her.

His lips graze over hers then. Almost in a ghostly fashion. He's testing the waters.

He's never kissed her like this. Their kisses were never really that slow, both always so needy.

It's not like the last time he kissed her. He's only more painfully aware of how she'd not been herself back then. How she'd been trying to play a part. How she'd been everything Ian Banks had taught her to be. She's not being that now. If anything he feels like this is the first time he's kissing her since before her abduction. He supposes in a sense it is. Is overwhelmed by that thought.

A noise sounds in the back of his throat as she opens her mouth to him. The fingers on her upper arm grip her tighter. The hand on her face suddenly more assertive as his tongue finds hers.

She's remembering a moment in the weeks leading up to her disappearance. Remembering him pulling her down the side of the gym after a basket ball game. Pressing her against the wall. Remembering him breathing into her mouth that he wanted her so badly. Remembers his hand brazenly finding it's way beneath her cheerleading skirt. Remembering the way he'd slowly trailed his tongue along her bottom lip. How his eyes had watched her so intently. How she'd wanted him so, so badly. Had been dead certain that that want could never, ever go away. But it had. It had all been stolen. Had been replaced with pain and revulsion and mind games and guilt. So much guilt. But as his tongue entwines with hers she feels a tingling rippling through her. A tingling that both terrifies and thrills her all at once. She clings onto him for dear life and lets hope encompass her. Hope that they can have this, hope that she can be everything he needs, hope that her dreams of a happily ever after with Lucas Scott aren't as farfetched as they've felt for the last couple of years.

'God I've missed that' He eases back after a couple of minutes. Is wary of allowing it to go on too long.

She rubs her lips together. '...me too'

'Yeah?'

His uncertainty makes her heart ache. '...Those few months we had together before everything happened, they, they were the best of my life Luke'

'Likewise' His thumbs coast over her cheekbones. 'Though now is swiftly becoming one of the best moments of my life'

She laughs. 'Liar'

'Not lying. Don't you know how much I...For a while I thought you weren't gonna come back from this' He admits. 'I'm sorry I lost faith-'

'Lucas I tried to kill myself. You're forgiven for thinking I'd not come back. I didn't think I'd get here either'

'But you are and I, god I feel like I've been deprived of oxygen and you've just let me breathe for the first time in...'

'Wow. So dramatic' She shakes her head with a teasing smile. 'That good a kiss huh?'

He nuzzles his nose against hers again. 'Yes that good' Pulls back a little to gaze into her eyes '...Was it good? For you I mean?'

'Mhmm...but I have just become aware of the fact that our parents are sitting over there and are most definitely gonna be watching us right now' Her mumbled words have him easing back, his stare seeking out that of the two adults in question. Sure enough they're as Peyton assumed. Their stares dart away when Lucas finds them.

'Right. Yep' He confirms. She rests her head against his chest and groans. He laughs and lets his arms go around her. 'Sorry. I forgot about them'

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'Alright honey?' Karen enquires.

'Uhuh...'

Karen interlaces her hand with the blonde's. Smiles. 'Yeah?' Tries to be causal. Is anything but.

'Sorry. I don't know how but we kinda forgot about you two' Peyton addresses the fact that not too long ago she'd been stood in the middle of the river court kissing Lucas Scott for all to see.

'Yes. We figured as much' Karen murmurs. 'No need to be sorry though' Peyton can hear the smile in her voice. 'Is that the first time you two have kissed?'

'...maybe' Peyton blushes.

'And how do you feel?'

Peyton's stare finds the older woman's gaze then. 'Weird that his Mother witnessed it and is now quizzing me about it'

Karen laughs. 'Right. Sorry. But I'm not being Luke's Mum right now. I want to know how my girl is feeling?' She drapes her arm around Peyton.

Peyton smiles and leans into her. '...good I think...do, are you ok with Luke and me?'

Karen's hands find Peyton's face then. 'Of course I am! More than ok honey. Over the moon'

'Before you didn't want us...'

'No I did, I really, really did. I just could see you were both so broken and yes I was so relieved when you decided you couldn't be in a relationship but only because I wanted you both to get better and I could only see that happening if you were apart for a while'

'...and you were right'

'Mums usually are' Karen smiles. 'But that doesn't mean I don't want you back together. I'm so, so happy that you two are seeing each other again, so happy honey!...but I do want you to know that if for whatever reason things didn't work out between you two it would never change anything with us. I'm pretty dead certain things are gonna work out just fine but I just don't want you worrying about anything like that'

'...ok'

'Ok'

Peyton abruptly lays back on the picnic blanket then. Karen watches her, her lips curling upward as she notes the smile on Peyton's face. '...you really think everything can work out?' There's a hopeful lilt to her voice that has been notably absent in the blonde and it makes Karen's heart swell and her smile stretch wider.

'Yes honey, I know it can because you love each other'

'...I do worry I'm not good enough for him, that he deserves more'

Karen frowns. 'Honey no' She shakes her head. 'You're more than good enough. No one else is worthy of him and I'm the only one that gets to say that. I'm his Mum'

Peyton smiles. '...I love him so much, I just want him to have everything' She murmurs.

'You are everything and so, so much more. You don't have to be perfect. You just need to be you'

'But me now is somewhat different to the me he fell in love with'

'You need to let go of that because it's...bullshit' She settles on with a smile. Peyton smirks. '...I saw you back then and I see you now and you're so very much the same honey. Yes you have some anxiety but god so does every other person and you have come so, so far. I promise it's only going to get easier. I know there are going to be ongoing battles for you but there are so many things that you've struggled with and conquered. It's just gonna take time'

'...you sound like Jules'

'I don't think I'm that good' Karen smiles. 'I owe that woman a hell of a lot...Lucas loves the bones of you. Let him'

Peyton smiles. Nods. Gazes up pensively at the woman she's come to adore much like she had her own mother. '...are you and my Dad together Karen?'

'What?' Karen startles.

Peyton shifts onto her side and props her head up on her hand. 'You and Dad. Are you seeing each other, dating, in a relationship, whatever you wanna call it?'

Karen becomes flustered. Averts her stare. '...Well I...'

'I wouldn't be upset'

Her brown eyes skitter back to Peyton. 'You wouldn't?'

'No. I want you both to be happy. That's all I want. We want'

'You and Luke have talked about...this?'

'Uhuh. I mean we know it might be a little odd but it's not really a big deal. I think it would've been strange for us if you'd got together when we were in school but as it is...' she shrugs. '...so is that a yes?'

Karen swallows. '...I didn't mean for, I didn't intend for. I never thought after Keith I'd find...we spent a lot of time together when you were missing and of, of course that was all about finding you and then you came back and we, we, I guess we were each others support for a good while' Karen nods. 'And then when you, you were admitted your Dad was so devastated and I was so worried about you and Luke...I guess we sort of found solace in each other' She murmurs. 'And then you, you came back out and we tried to just be friends. We didn't want to make anything harder for you-'

'You didn't need to do that'

'...I've been so worried you, the both of you were going to be angry or upset and' She sighs. '...you really don't mind?'

'No' A small smile graces her lips. She sits up right so she's at Karen's height again 'So...you are?'

'...maybe. We, we've been trying to not be but it, it's becoming harder to...' She sighs. 'We'd never, we've both talked and if you, if the two of you aren't happy then we're not going to-'

'Karen me and Luke don't get a say in that. But it's nice that you care so much about how we feel'

'Of course we care honey. Are you crying?' She squeezes Peyton closer.

'Sorry I just...feel so lucky that you, you all love me so much. I'm so ridiculous'

Karen laughs. 'No. You're not. You are loved. So, so much sweetie. And we all feel so, so lucky that we still have you. Don't ever forget that'

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'So I talked with Karen'

'...mmm she said' Larry shifts his weight awkwardly. 'Sweetheart I'm sorry'

'Why?! How could you think I'd be anything but happy for you Dad?'

'It's your Luke's Mum. I understand that that could be a little odd for you'

'And like I said to Karen, I think it might have been if we were like fifteen but we're not kids anymore'

'If you're uncomfortable with it then there's no way that I'll-'

'Dad. You don't need to put me first all the time'

'I've failed you one too many a time Peyton. I won't do it again'

'You've never failed me' She softly disagrees. 'You forgoing your own happiness is not putting me first because all I want is for you to be happy and you making Karen happy, and Lily too' She smiles. 'That makes me happy'.

'I, I was a good dad when you were Lily's age but then I, when I lost your Mum-'

'Dad-'

'No sweetheart I, I need to say this. I, I'm so sorry for how I was. You needed so much more than I gave you and then I wasn't here'

'It wasn't your fault! None of what happened was your fault'

'I'm your father. I'm meant to look after you and protect you and god your Mum is probably up there cursing me-'

'Of course she's not-'

'She'd never forgive me for letting you down Peyton'

'But you didn't. Haven't for a second' A tear races down his cheek. She drops to her knees before him. 'Dad' Clutches his hands. 'I'm ok'

'I wish things could've been different. That you didn't have to go through, through every god awful thing that you have been'

'I know but it, even if you'd been here it could've still happened. You couldn't be with me all the time. I know I don't know what it is to be a parent but I do know you're a good one' She nods. 'Please don't let what happened to me stop you from being happy, from being in Karen and Lily's life. They're so lucky to have you. Don't feel guilty for being in their life, for loving them, for loving Lily like you love me. I love her and she needs a Dad. Keith would want that for her' She nods. 'And Mum would want you to be happy. And Karen has been so wonderful with me'

'...Yes. I don't know what I would've done without her in all honesty'

'So then, not a big deal is it? Nothing is changing'

His hand finds her cheek. '...you promise you're not just saying all this'

'Why would I do that?...I promise I'd never lie to you...I know I've given you reason to doubt that but I'm not in that place anymore. If anything I think I've become painfully honest'

'...honest enough to tell me how you're feeling about you and Luke?'

She smiles. 'I'm sorry about earlier. I don't really know what happened. We forgot you were there'

'I know' He smiles. 'I'm sure I'm not meant to be quite as excited as I was, am'

She narrows her eyes. '...I think you might love him more than me sometimes' Her tone is teasing.

'Impossible but I am more than fond of him. Obviously your opinion is the only one that matters but I don't think they'll be another more worthy...' He squints at her. '...you, are...it occurred to me yesterday that I, I could see how you might have felt like you were being pressured into seeing him again and if-'

'I didn't Dad'

'No?'

'No. I wanted to see him, of course I did...I still love him...I've just been scared. Scared of dealing with everything that comes with that and comes with being in a relationship. But the, the thing is I'm different to how I was when I first came back home. Jules has helped me deal with certain things and I've been honest with Luke about how I feel about everything. I wasn't before. I think, I think before I was so caught up in wanting to be normal, so caught up in not upsetting anyone but I know lying and hiding things only made everything worse on me and everyone else' She nods. 'I know I have to talk to him even when it's really hard because the second I'm not honest I'm hurting him and myself'

Larry nods. 'It's really important you tell him what you're thinking' He agrees.

'I promise I am...We're just taking things really slow and trying not to focus on the future right now'

'One day at a time'

'Yes'

'I'm so, so proud of you sweetheart'

She laughs then. 'Well thanks but I don't think your daughter trying to be a semi normal adult is something you need to be proud of'

'It's all any parent wants. For their kid to be happy and coping with life, of course it warrants being proud of Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. You've overcome so much in the last year and I'll always be astounded by how brave and strong you are. Always'

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'Gotcha' She swings Lily round enticing a giggle from the nearly 3 year old.

Lucas watches her. Smiles.

Her dress flares out as she twirls around and he keeps catching a glimpse of her blue underwear. Tries not to look but his eyes are not obeying.

She eventually comes and sits beside him for a necessary breather. 'Who needs exercise when you have a 3 year old to run you ragged?' She chants.

'Catch me Peyton!'

'In a sec Lil. You've worn me out. I need a break. Why don't you pick some daisies and I'll make you a daisy chain?' She quickly thinks up a less energetic activity to distract the child.

'You're so good with her' He murmurs as they watch his sister prance around in search of the required little flowers.

'...I think I'm guilty of using her as some form of therapy'

Lucas smiles. 'I don't think she minds'

'After I came back home she was such a nice little escape. She felt like the only person in the world who didn't know anything that I'd been through. She still is. I love that she doesn't see any of that'

'Do you think that's all people see when they look at you?'

'Sometimes'

'God it's not. I think if people do know about it they see bravery Peyton. Strength...that's what I see anyway'

'You have to say that. You love me'

He smiles. 'Yes, yes I do. But it's truth'

'Ok'

His eyes are on her now. 'Do you know when you spin around I can see right up your dress?' Her eyes widen a little with his admission. He laughs at the way her cheeks are quick to go a rosy red. 'Should I have told you?' He leans toward her. Nuzzles his nose against hers.

She swallows. '...I guess no one else is around to see'

'No. I did check that you weren't flashing any passerby's'

She doesn't know what to say. Kisses him instead. It's just a sweet press of lips to lips and then she's abruptly disappearing and he worries he's been inappropriate but after helping his sister make a daisy chain as promised she's chasing the little girl again and she's soon spinning around. Her eyes find his and his worries are instantly gone because she's smiling shyly as her dress flares up again. He slowly sinks back onto the bleachers and makes a dramatic groaning noise.

'Luke you kay?' Lily's little voice chimes as she stops running in circles (her attempt to copy Peyton twirling on the spot).

'Yes I'm ok Lil. Peyton's just making me feel a little dizzy. You two are crazy cats you know that?'

'Meow. Meow. Meow' Lily curls her fingers and holds her hands up in front of her chest to be a cat. 'I'm a cat'

Lucas laughs. 'A very cute cat Lil'

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'Hey'

'Hi' She smiles. Turns away as he leans into kiss her, his lips finding her cheek instead. 'Sorry' She laughs nervously because his intention is suddenly apparent to her. She rises up onto her toes and places a chaste kiss on his lips.

'Would you rather I didn't kiss you hello?' He worries. Worries that he's wrongly assumed that she's ok with them kissing.

'No!' She shakes her head. 'I'm good with the kissing Luke. I promise. I'm just distracted'

'Distracted' He echoes. 'Peyton it's completely cool if you're not cool-'

'I'm cool!' She cuts in. Grabs his hands. 'I promise'

'Ok...you're being a bit weird'

She's smiling. 'I got my period!' He squints at her. 'I've not had a period in like...' She frowns and he smiles as she uses her fingers and swiftly gives up because in trying to find the answer she's recalling she was with Ian the last time she'd had a normal cycle. 'Forever'

'That's so good' He draws her into a hug. Her announcement has him quite giddy. He's semi aware that that might seem insane. It's just a period after all. Something that most women contend with on a monthly basis. But in this instance it's so much more. It signifies she's not under weight, that she's eating enough. It signifies she's not as stressed. It signifies that someday maybe they'll be ready to have a family and that's very much a possibility for them.

'I think I kinda thought it might never come back' She murmurs into his chest. 'I don't know why I'm so happy about it'

'You should be. It means you're healthy'

'Yeah...healthy' He kisses the top of her head. 'I'll probably be moaning about it in a few hours'

'Well you can moan about it all you like. I'll run you baths and find you hot water bottles and get you all the chocolate you can eat'

'Why thanks honey' She laughs. Is amused by him. And he likes it. Likes it a whole lot. Also adores that she's just called him honey. She's not said then in a long, long time. He can't even remember when.

'You're more than welcome' He fiddles with her hands. 'So er, I have this thing next week that I've been meaning to ask you about'

'A thing?'

'College thing. It's like this dance kinda thing. They're pretty lame but I, I feel like I have to show my face. I was wondering and please know there's absolutely no pressure what so ever. It's completely cool if you don't think you're ready, or feel like it, or whatever but if you did want to come I, I'd like it'

She hesitates. '...ok'

'Ok? Please don't feel pressure to say ok-'

'You just covered that' She smiles. 'I want to. I mean I might be a bit nervy but you'll be there'

'I will be there' He smiles and nods. 'You really want to?'

'Luke' She interlinks their hands properly and leans up to look at him. 'Don't you know I'd go anywhere with you?'

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'Are you ok? You're really quiet'

She turns to look at him. 'I'm ok. I'm just thinking'

He smiles, takes his eyes off the road to glance at her. 'Wanna share what?'

She blinks. ' Just that this is probably what prom woulda felt like huh? You and me driving together. Fancy clothes'

'...yeah. I guess'

'What was prom actually like? Before it went to shit I mean' He licks his lips. Sort of wishes he'd not asked her what she was thinking about.

'It's not my most favourite night to think about' He discloses with a sad little smile. 'I wasn't there having a good time. I was moping about hoping you were gonna turn up'

'And then B realised I was missing right?'

'Mm. She knew something wasn't right. I, I thought you were just mad about the video...there were beads from your dress on the floor. I found your phone too. It was under the hall table. It was then that I knew something was really wrong...there was CCTV from a neighbours house of me knocking on the door and then a little while after he carried you out...'

'Mmm' She knows.

'You looked so lifeless but it, it didn't fit the profile that he'd killed you'

'No'

'It was a breadcrumb. It helped prove you'd been taken. Helped us piece together what happened...' She knows. She'd not meant for the conversation to go here. She'd been wondering what the decorations at their school had been like. Had wondered what drama had occurred that night. 'Were you still conscious when I was knocking on the door?' He blurts suddenly.

'...yes'

She watches his hands squeeze the steering wheel harder.

'I'm such an idiot'

'No Luke'

'I should've known'

'How could've you known? I've played the shoulda, coulda, woulda game too many times. It's not a fun game'

'...yeah I know it's pointless but I'll forever wish I never left that night'

'I wouldn't have struggled and made as much fuss as I did when I heard you. His hand was over my mouth to keep me quiet but instead of staying calm I tried to get free and then the next thing I knew there was a needle in my arm. I think if I'd stayed calm and not tried to get your attention he wouldn't have drugged me, at least not as quickly and it would've given me more time to try and alert you in some way. But what's the point in me thinking that. I can't change it and even if I could who is to say it would have ended any differently? Or worse; you could've wound up dead. The only change that I think would have ultimately altered what happened is my webcam cause he'd never have seen me if it weren't for that'

'You're right this is a pointless game' Lucas murmurs. He's feeling queasy.

'Yeah. A real pointless game...you look good in a suit Lucas Scott. Did I tell you that?'

He smiles at her effort to change the subject. 'Oh yeah?'

'Uhuh. Very suave'

He laughs. 'Why thanks. You look so beautiful. But I think I already let you know that a few times'

She lets her hands settle on the dark green fabric that covers her thighs. 'Just a few hundred. But thank you. You can thank B, she made it'

'It's beautiful but you'd be just as beautiful without the dress' She laughs. 'I meant, I didn't mean, I meant you could be wearing anything'

'I know Luke'

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'Hey guys' He hugs the two girls and shakes the guy's hand. 'This is Peyton' He introduces her, his hand settling at her back. 'This is Charlotte, Sarah and Silas'

'Hi' Her voice is smaller than he's become accustomed to in recent weeks.

'We were beginning to thing this one had made you up' Silas grins. Lucas rolls his eyes.

'It's nice to finally meet you Peyton' Charlotte smiles.

'You too'

'...I feel like I recognise you. You've not been on campus before though right?'

Peyton swallows. 'No it's my first time. Luke has been showing me around today. Are you all on the same course as Luke?' She wonders.

'Me and Charlotte are yeah' Silas nods. 'Sarah's my girlfriend so she's not really part of the crew are you baby?'

'Rude' The black haired girl shoves at him. 'I'm the reason they all talk actually. If it weren't for me nothing would get organised' She seemingly knows her boyfriend better than most because she senses he's mimicking her behind her back and blindly reaches out to shove him again.

'Jesus woman calm down!'

'Stop being a dick darling. Why don't you go get us another drink?'

'Have your legs stopped working?' She crosses her arms. 'Fine' He relents after beat. 'Lucas. Come with'

Peyton's eyes seek out Lucas then. He looks back at her. Silently tries to read her. She forces a smile. 'I'll be ok' He squints at her. 'I promise' She nods.

'I won't be long. You want wine?'

'Yes please'

'Ok. I'll be right back'

'Wow mister protective' Sarah drawls as he goes.

'...I get a bit nervous at these kind of things' Peyton mumbles in answer. She can feel her cheeks have gotten hot under their gaze.

'Oh don't be. We won't bite' Charlotte bats her hand.

'No I know'

'What do you do Peyton? Are you at college?'

'No I, I live in our hometown. I help out in a school a few days a week a the minute'

'You're training to be a teacher?'

'No. I don't really know what I want to do long term yet'

'We've all been there. So you met Lucas at school right?'

'Yeah'

'He's awfully secretive' Sarah chirps. 'None of us even knew you existed until a few months ago'

'Well we, we spent some time apart' She decides vaguely.

'You were on a break?'

'...sort of'

'He said you'd been together since school' Charlotte's brow furrows.

'Well I, I guess it's a bit complicated' Peyton shifts her weight. Silently wishes she'd had a more in depth conversation with Lucas about what he had and hadn't told his friends in regards to their relationship.

'So did you officially get back together when he decided to move off campus?'

'Erm that wasn't because of me, well a little but not, he wanted to be closer to his family and...' She swallows, doesn't know what she's saying.

'You' Sarah nods with a smile. 'He's been so much happier since he moved back to Tree Hill. I can't even tell you'

Peyton smiles back. 'I hope so' Decides she likes her.

'I don't know why I feel like I know you so badly. What's your surname again?' Charlotte on the other isn't instilling the same amount of comfort.

Peyton worries her bottom lip. '...Sawyer' She reluctantly discloses.

'What did I miss?' Lucas is suddenly back beside her and smiles as he hands her a drink. 'I think it's pretty rank I'm afraid. Would you rather my beer?'

She shakes her head. Shyly smiles. Knows he's come back as quickly as possible and seemingly abandoned Silas.

'We were just trying to figure out why I feel like I know Peyton'

Lucas feigns ignorance. 'Maybe you caught sight of her photo on my phone screensaver or something. I'm guilty of having it here there and everywhere' Peyton looks up at him. Her heart fluttering with his confession. He smiles reassuringly back.

'No. I don't think that's it. Have you been on a tv programme or something?'

Her hands suddenly feel clammy.

'You're an actress. I've seen you in something I swear'

'No I...'

'A model?' Charlotte continues to ponder.

'No but she could be huh' Lucas nonchalantly murmurs.

'You've really not been on tv?'

Lucas opens his mouth to try and reroute their conversation to safer ground but Peyton beats him to it.

'I was involved in a missing persons case a few years ago' She blurts suddenly as the knot in her belly becomes unbearable. 'You probably recognise me from the media coverage' Both girls are taken aback by her sudden admission. 'I tried to kill myself nearly 2 years ago now ' She nods. 'That's why we spent some time apart' She nods and looks up at him. 'Where's the toilets?'

'Er' He's clearly taken aback. 'Back out that way- I'll show-'

'I can find it. Can you hold this?' She puts her drink back in his hand. 'I won't be a sec'

'Peyton' He says her name urgently.

'I promise I'll be right back'

He blinks. In a flash she's weaving her way through students.

'Lucas I'm so sorry!' The taller girl exhales. 'I had no idea'

'No, I know'

'You're...she's Peyton Sawyer?'

'Yeah' His eyes are still trying to track Peyton within the crowd.

'Fuck..is she ok?'

He glances back at them. 'She's ok' He nods.

'It, that must've been so awful...wait so you were together when she was abducted'

'Yes' He answers truthfully. 'I know you guys are probably a little shocked and confused and have a lot of questions but she doesn't like the world knowing or the attention being on her. Her being here right now is kind of a big deal for her. I know she's only doing it for me so if you could just try and be normal when she comes back'

'Of course'

'Thanks, actually I think I, I'm gonna' He points in the direction Peyton disappeared. 'Can you?' Thrusts his drinks upon Sarah.

'Sure' She juggles the drinks.

'Thanks. I'll be back in a sec'

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'Peyton?' He calls again. Ignores the scathing look he's getting from the girl washing her hands.

'...I'm fine Luke'

His racing heart slows as her voice sounds. He follows it to the end toilet.

'Open the door-'

'This is the girls toilets' Scowling girl announces. 'Maybe she came in here to escape-'

'Thanks for the input' He calmly replies. 'Peyton please open the door'

'Do you need help honey? I can tell this jackass to go'

'Again, thanks for your assistance' Lucas' patience is wilting with the interfering bystander. 'I'm sorry if me being in here is upsetting you right now but I just need to talk to my girlfriend a second'

'Well she clearly doesn't want to see you'

The door clicks open then. He smiles falsely. 'Have a nice night' He murmurs before pushing the door open and closing it behind him.

She's sat on the toilet and he wants to get her out of here because he's sure there's much nicer places they could find some privacy right now.

'Sorry' She hoarsely mumbles. 'I'm sorry'

'Nope. It's all good' He squats down so he's crouched before her. 'You alright?' Rubs her knee.

'Mmhm...' She nods. 'Kinda...' whispers. 'I don't know. Maybe not'

'Ok...have you...?' He swallows. 'Have you hurt yourself?'

'No' She shakes her head. '...nearly. I wanted to' She confesses abruptly. Devastation is quick to unfurl in his belly as she uncurls her hand. He grimaces at the shard of glass she's just revealed. Tries to stay calm. Tries not to let panic or anger invade his bones.

'Ok' Nods. 'Where did you get that?'

'I...I found a glass and broke it' She mumbles. 'I'm sorry'

'No' He hastily removes the weapon from her palm. Is astounded by how quickly she'd managed to source the implement. 'I'm sorry this was so stupid. I shouldn't have persuaded-'

'No you didn't. You asked me and I wanted to come. I'm sorry I'm the one that's being so fucking ridiculous right now'

'It's not ridiculous' He disagrees. He feels like he just put her in a situation that she shouldn't have had to deal with, wouldn't have if he'd only had a chat with his friends prior.

'It is. God I don't know why I freaked out'

'Because it's intrusive. You didn't want to talk about it and then you felt like they were figuring it out so divulged it before they could realise' He summarises. '...you felt forced to share something that you didn't want to'

She swallows. 'They must think I'm so weird right now'

'No they don't. Of course they don't. No one thinks that. Ever'

'I've ruined it haven't I?'

'What? No' He disagrees.

'I feel like you're lying. I should've kept my mouth shut but I, I guess you're right; I could tell she was gonna figure it out and I just thought I'd halt all the questions you know?'

'I know. I think it worked' He smiles gently.

'...She likes you'

'Huh?'

'The one with the blonde hair' She looks into his face.

'Charlotte?'

'Yeah'

'Well she's my friend, I should hope she does'

'I know I'm clueless these days but I still know when someone is into you Luke. It's ok if you're-'

'No' He cuts off. 'She did try and kiss me last year. It was a bit awkward after but' He shrugs. 'I made it clear that there was someone else'

'She's so pretty-'

'Peyton'

'Sorry' She grimaces. 'I can't help it. I just don't want to get in the way of you being with...You should be with someone like her and I-'

'Not what I want' He interrupts. Stands up. 'Come here' He pulls her up off the toilet and into his chest. Senses she needs a hug and comfort right now. 'I'm sorry I should've told them, I just, I feel like sometimes by keeping everything a secret I'm doing what you'd want me to but I think that's me knowing what pre hospitalisation Peyton would've wanted. It would've been better if I'd spoken to them'

'...I mean it's not the best knowing that people know shit about you but' She looks up into his face. 'Jules says it's easier to be honest than deal with secrecy...I just, I hate how everyone is scared of me once they know'

'They're not scared. People just feel...' He shrugs. 'Angry and sad for you. It's compassion and I know you don't want it but it is what it is and you have it for so many people so I know you know what that feels like'

'...mm'

'...this scares me' He holds the bit of glass up. 'A lot, a lot. You said you'd be right back'

'I meant it. I promise I did but then I...That feeling like I had to...I can't explain it, it just came over me just before I came in here. I didn't do it though'

He nods. 'Because I interrupted?' She doesn't answer. '...do you think you would've if I'd not come in here?'

'...I, I don't know. I wasn't, it's not like, I wasn't gonna try to kill myself if that's what you're thinking. It's not that kind of self harm'

He nods. Believes her. Feels a bit of relief with that assurance. '...when, when's the last time you did this?'

'Cut myself?'

'Yeah'

'Erm...' She licks her lips. 'I, I think a few months before Brooke's thing' She nods.

He feels like he's just been kicked in the gut. 'I've seen your arms you don't have any-'

'My thigh'

He nods curtly. '...I thought you, I thought you hadn't since you got out of...'

'Oh...well I, only a, a few times. I, I didn't do it for like 6 months and then I had a bit of a melt down and' She shrugs. 'I didn't tell anyone but Jules was quick to realise... I promised it wouldn't be a secret if I did it again. So the next time I did it I told her the very next day. She, she's helped me do a few things that helps me stop but I...sometimes it's hard...I should've told you about it. Are you mad?'

'No' He's quick to shake his head. 'I'd never be mad at you Peyton I'm just...can, do, do you think maybe you could text me something if you think you're maybe gonna do that? It, it could just be a word. You don't have to be explicit. Just a word that we both know means you're wanting to cut yourself so I know you need me. Unless me being here right now isn't helpful at all?'

'You've just stopped me Luke. I mean I know it's important for me to be able to stop myself but sometimes help is, is helpful' She crinkles her nose. 'Help is helpful. Real articulate aren't I?'

He smiles. 'Help is helpful...ok. Pick a word'

'How about The Cure'

He laughs. 'You really want me to associate them with this?'

She shrugs. 'You don't like them anyway'

'Do'

'Don't'

'Well I guess I do associate them with you being missing. I listened to them a lot cause it helped me feel close to you. Ok. The Cure it is. So you'll try text me?'

'...yes, ok'

'...what things does Jules have you do in the moment?'

'List things I can see. Which can be a bit ridiculous sometimes because when you're in that frame of mind you're like why the fuck am I going to do that you know?' She shakes her head. 'You don't know because you're not a crazy person'

'You're not crazy Peyton. You just started dealing with pain in a way that isn't the best but you, you've come so far and you know it's not ok and you don't, you don't want to do that right?'

'Of course I don't and I, it's not like before. I promise'

He rubs her cheek. '...do you wanna go?'

'Do you?'

'I asked you'

'Yes but no' She gives him a wane smile. 'I think leaving right now wouldn't be the best for me because I'd be running away. Also no cause I want you to have a good night and I've already ruined it a bit haven't I?'

'No'

'Can we go and dance and pretend it's the prom night we didn't get and forget about this little blip?'

He strokes her faces. '...sure. Of course. But the second you wanna go you just have to say the word. Ok?'

'Ok'

'Promise?'

'Promise'

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'I'm sorry that I scared you tonight' She blurts. They've been driving in silence for the last twenty minutes.

They managed to stay until the end and despite his reservations about staying he's glad they did so because his friends had proceeded to work really hard at making Peyton feel comfortable in a way that he hopes she didn't find patronising.

He hesitates. Swallows. '...don't be sorry. I can't really sit here and say I wasn't scared'

'...I know. I'm sorry...I think I kidded myself that this wouldn't happen' She can feel her eyes welling. Blinks furiously.

'What do you mean?'

'I guess cause I'd lasted so long since I last...I kinda fooled myself into thinking I wouldn't hit a road bump...deep down I think I kinda knew it was inevitable. I've hit enough of them. I just, I kinda didn't want you in the car with me at the same time'

'Wow car analogies huh? Keith would be proud' He teases. She smiles. 'I want to be in the car with you. I guess I just, like you, foolishly thought maybe we had a straight road'

'That's my fault. I shoulda, I should have spoken to you about the cutting'

He nods. 'Yes but I, I appreciate how honest you've been with me about a lot of other things. I know we've talked about a lot of hard things. That's not lost on me. I should have asked the question just as much as you should've told me. Maybe we need to make more effort to talk about some things that maybe neither of us exactly want to or are scared to'

'...yeah...You, you're taking this a lot better than last time you realised I was...'

'Yes. Because it's completely different right?'

'Yes' She's quick to reassure.

'I was a bit of a mess back then and royally screwed up'

'No'

'I triggered you going into a bathroom and trying to kill yourself Peyton'

'God no Luke. Not you' She sighs. 'If it wasn't then it would've been later' She whispers. 'I'd decided'

He pulls over the car then. Cannot continue to drive and have this conversation.

They're silent for a moment. He's twisted to face her. His hands interlaced with hers.

'...I know it's probably hard to believe me when I say this isn't, it's not like that but I do really mean it. I wasn't wanting to kill myself at any moment tonight. You do believe me right?'

'I know. I know. Although it is nice to hear you say that'

'I...I was doing it all the time before. I couldn't stop and it, it was a secret. It's not a secret now. Jules knows everything and by talking about it I, I really haven't done it often and when I have it's something we've like sort of analysed. Like the why I felt like that. Is it rational? What could I do differently? It doesn't feel great in the moment and I definitely thought it was pointless to begin with but it, there's been enough time for me to see that it, it does help to talk about it. I'll go talk to her tomorrow and we, we'll talk about why I felt like that and things I can maybe do not to think or feel that and it might work and next time I'm in that kinda position maybe I'll handle it better and not be a psycho. Maybe I'll still be a psycho but the point is, is that I, I know it, I know cutting myself isn't helpful, it it might give me temporary relief but it, it's so short lived' She nods. 'I've gotten so much better Luke and I don't want you to see this as I'm spiralling out of control. Because if anything I'm trying to get myself completely in control. I promise I am' She comes up for air. Risks looking at him. 'I promise I want to be here. I really do. I want to be here with you and I want to go to shit like that with you and have conversations with people that I don't know and just be normal. I want that and I, I know tonight probably hasn't instilled you with hope but I do have hope that I can get there. I haven't had that hope not until the last 6 months or so. I'd kinda felt resigned to the fact that I was never gonna be normal but I, I'm doing normal shit. I'm working. I'm paying bills and doing food shopping and even though tonight there was a blip I, I'm calm again now. A year ago it probably would've taken me a lot longer. I probably would've been dark for a few days but I'm, I'm ok. Not ok' She corrects. 'Because I'm feeling bad that I ruined your night-'

'You didn't ruin it Peyton. I had a good night. There was just a little speed bump in the middle but we got back course didn't we?'

'Mmm'

'You're so amazing' A small smile graces his lips. 'You're so fucking rational. It keeps taking me by surprise' He shakes his head. 'I mean you always were so I shouldn't be surprised but for a while you weren't and it threw me and I...everything you just said. Thank you for confiding that in me' She smiles. 'What?'

'Nothing we're just' She shrugs. '...it's a weird thing to be thanked for isn't it?'

He smiles. 'No. Don't think I don't know how hard it is for you to speak about certain things Peyton'

'I know you know...' He head bobs. '...I liked Sarah' Changes the subject.

'She liked you too. Not Charlotte and Silas then?'

'And Charlotte and Silas' She murmurs.

'Just not as much?' He kinks his brow. She shrugs. 'She's nice. And there really isn't anything between us-'

'Not thinking that'

'Sure you're not'

'I'm not! And if you want-'

'Do not want' He cuts off. 'Can you please stop telling me it's ok if I want to to hook up with anyone else. I don't want that Peyton'

'I just-'

'I know' He interjects again because he knows she's about to ramble off some spiel about how he has needs. 'You do not need to be worrying about that' She sighs. 'No huffing and puffing. You wanna get some ice cream? There's some place up here that stays open late and has the best cookie dough'

She smiles. 'That sounds perfect right now'

He grins. 'Good. Ice cream it is'

A/N Thanks for reading if you're still with me! I hope you're all safe and healthy. One positive from lockdown is more writing time! Take care all, until next time :)