Hello my lovely readers! Thank you all for the reviews. They mean a lot to me.

This chapter was tough on me haha. I would really love to know what you all think of it. There's an important question on the author's note at the bottom and it'd be great if I could get some opinions.

Also, regarding the question about whether Rose can get pregnant with Dimitri: I've thought about that too and it's definitely a possibility. I'm not sure if I'll make it happen since Nevaeh is in the picture but I'll have to see. Anyways, here's the chapter :)


I approached Damian's bed and cautiously sat down on the space beside him. I reached up and placed a hand on his forehead, flinching when I realized how hot it was. Damian was shivering, but his fever was very high. I started to doubt whether he would actually live. Well, if I didn't heal him of course.

"Hey," he whispered, smiling slightly. Even his voice was raspy. "You actually came."

"Of course I did. I couldn't leave without bugging you one last time," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. At least I got another smile out of him. It was rare to ever see that on him.

"You look better," he remarked.

"The doctors here took good care of me," I told him, brushing some hair away from his forehead which was covered in sweat. The motion seemed to comfort him, so I continued. I went for a serious look when I saw his eyes close. "Speaking of that, Dr. Jones was telling me you're refusing treatment."

Damian opened his eyes again and shrugged. "Just let nature take its course, I guess."

"Damian, I'm serious. You could be recovering right now and you're making a stupid decision. If you could just take a sip of my blood, you'll be better in no time."

"I don't want your blood," he said, letting out some harsh coughs. He turned to the side and I rubbed his back for support.

"Why won't you just accept the help? You helped me, remember? You did something good. You helped me get my little girl back. You helped me when I was about to go crazy in the club, and you saved my life when Sebastian was trying to kill me."

"Exactly," he gasped out. "I helped you. Now, it's time for you to do the same by letting me pass. I've done some horrible things to you and to others in the past."

"Forget about that. Just forget it, okay? It's not like you raped or abused anyone. You were just taking orders because you were powerless. You're not as bad as you make yourself out to be."

I was really starting to regret my earlier words to him whenever I was angry. I always took everything out on him because I was mad at him and mad at myself. I always blamed him for not trying hard enough to help me, but I should have taken into consideration the position he was in. I could understand why he felt so powerless with Sebastian and his guards. Damian was young, new, and constantly picked on for being seen as a weak member of the business. Sebastian had threatened him several times if he disobeyed.

Regardless of his past, Damian wasn't the same person I had met at first glance. He wasn't cold hearted or evil. He had become a good person and the fact that he was refusing to live because he felt like he didn't deserve to broke my heart.

"What's the point?" he asked, breaking my train of thought. "Let's say you heal me. I'll just end up in another jail cell for ten years, get beaten up and have my inmates spit in my food again."

"Well...we can figure something out. Maybe we can lower your sentence or put you somewhere else. My father has a lot of connections. He can talk to the authorities."

"Rose," Damian stressed, "you don't understand. The law may have a lot of grey areas, but there are no exceptions here. That's just how things work. You think the judge is going to warm up to me and think I've turned into such a nice guy? No. The crimes I've committed are all there."

"That doesn't mean you deserve to die. I don't want you to die. I'm not...ready to say goodbye."

Damian actually looked sad now. He usually kept all his emotions hidden, but today, he was showing everything. He was letting himself be vulnerable in front of me. "I helped you," he croaked. "Now it's your turn. Please, I don't want you to heal me. I just want you to respect my decision."

It wasn't in me to let someone good die. Damian was complicated, but I didn't see him as a bad person anymore. He made me believe that some people could change for the better. It hurt me to know how much pain he was in. If he really wanted me to respect his decision, he could at least accept some kind of compromise.

"Will you at least let me take some of your pain away?" I asked him, holding back my tears. I couldn't physically take his pain away, but I could use compulsion. I could make him believe he wasn't in pain.

"Okay," he whispered. Seeing his face while he was dying was hard enough for me, so I walked around the other side of the bed and crawled in behind him. I propped myself up with some pillows and held his head against my chest, reaching out to grab one of his hands. They were both freezing and trembling, so I gave them a tight squeeze.

"You don't have to do this for me," he said, coughing again.

"Shh. I want to," I said honestly. "I'm the one who dragged you into this."

"Please don't blame yourself. If you hadn't done that, I would still be in a jail cell and I'd still be useless. You gave me the chance to redeem myself. You gave me the chance to save someone I care about. It's the least I could do...I did so many horrible things before. I'm so sorry, Rose. I really am. I never wanted things to turn out this way." I could hear his voice start to break and I figured his human emotions were getting to him. I didn't look, fearing I might break if I did, so I simply stroked his hair.

"It's over, okay? I forgive you now."

"You shouldn't forgive me. I'm a criminal."

"Stop," I told him, using a firmer tone this time. "Forget all of that. I forgive you, Damian. I know I've been harsh on you before, but I don't hate you." In fact, I had grown to like him. Not in a romantic way, but since we started working together, I had started to care about him.

I started using my compulsion on him, but I didn't say anything. I didn't need to. It was strong enough to affect him without actually needing eye contact. It took a good amount of concentration and effort, but it was worth it. He started relaxing within minutes.

"Do you feel anything? Any pain?" I asked him, still focussing on my mind control.

"No," he answered softly. His fingers tried to grab mine, but his grip was weak. "Your hand is so warm."

"Good," I murmured. Damian went silent again, taking slow and deep breaths as I soothed him.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he asked. His question took me by surprise, but I answered him anyways.

"Of course."

"Don't take this the wrong way," he said shakily, "but I think you're pretty. Really pretty. I always thought you were. You're even more beautiful on the inside."

I didn't really know how to respond, but I didn't take it the wrong way like he thought I would. I knew Damian was attracted to me in some way, but he didn't see me as a sexual object. It was obviously a compliment and I believed him. I figured he was also saying things he wouldn't usually say because he was dying.

"Also, to answer your question, yes."

Okay. Now I was confused. "What?"

"The night you went undercover, you asked me if I liked you. The answer is yes." He laughed for a second, letting out shaky breaths. "I'm sorry I can't help you anymore. I would if I could, but at least you have your friends and family—something I don't have anymore. Keep them close. Dimitri too. He's good for you, Rose. He'll always protect you. You should let him."

Once again, I didn't know how to respond. I was left feeling a little speechless. I always had a suspicion that Damian had feelings for me, but I never thought he'd actually say the words out loud. I wasn't sure how to feel. I cared about him, but I didn't feel that way about him.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but over time he moved his head around while his breathing increased. It was almost as if he was having a nightmare despite being awake. I tried to calm him down, but something was bothering him.

"Is Nevaeh okay?" he suddenly asked, his heart rate increasing.

"She's okay," I ensured him. He relaxed again and his pulse slowed.

"Y-you'll take care of her, right?"

"Of course I will. I promise you she's safe."

"I have to protect her," he said. There was impulsive edge to his voice that made me question whether he was actually in his right mind. "Where is she?"

"Relax. Damian, she's safe. She's going to go with me."

"No, I have to find her. I was supposed to find her. I was supposed to be there for her. I promised her mother I would." He tried to get up, but I pulled him back down, holding him tightly.

"You have. You did everything you could. She's safe and she's happy."

"Please help me find her," he begged. I knew he wasn't himself. He must have been hallucinating, because he didn't seem to remember the recent events. I was getting exhausted from the compulsion now, but I was still determined to take his pain away—so I kept going.

"She is fine. I promise you," I told him. The compulsion seemed to work as he calmed down and repeated my words to himself. His grip on my hand was getting weaker, and his breathing was becoming laboured.

"Will it hurt?" he asked. He sounded so vulnerable. It started to put me in tears.

"No," I promised. "Nothing will hurt. Don't worry about that."

"Okay," he said, closing his eyes again. "Thanks for being here...and for not letting me feel alone."

A tear of my own slipped as I kissed the top of his head. It was the least I could do to offer him more comfort and I knew he would be out soon. I stayed with him for the next half hour, softly stroking his hair and whispering things to comfort him. I even used my mind control tactics to make him imagine things—good things—to put him at ease. I refused to leave his side and did everything I could to make alleviate his pain and fear. It wasn't until his heart stopped beating and the cardiac monitor flatlined that I knew he was gone.


I barely spoke a word to anyone on the plane. I sat near the window, staring out into the clouds with my knees brought up to my chest. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I was beyond upset. I felt guilty too. I had dragged a human into my mess and gotten them killed in the process. I wasn't sure how I was going to forgive myself.

It had been about an hour in when someone sat in the empty seat next to me. The familiar smell of Dimitri's aftershave hit my nose. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, taking me by surprise. "About Damian. I know that was hard on you."

"It's my fault," I murmured, trying to keep myself together. "I got him into this. I wanted to save him, and he didn't want me to...but I should have saved him anyways. It's too late now."

"Roza, look at me," Dimitri ordered, keeping his voice down to avoid alarming me too much. I did as he asked and turned to face him. "Do not blame yourself for this. I know you wanted to save him, but it was his choice. You made him comfortable and he probably appreciated that more than anything."

"I still feel like I could've done something else. He did something good. It's not fair."

"I know," Dimitri said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You took his pain away and you were there for him so that he wouldn't die alone. Don't ever take this out on yourself. I know he cared about you and he wouldn't want you to do that to yourself."

I looked away again as the tears started to come down. I couldn't hold them in anymore. My emotions hadn't really hit me that hard until now. It was like getting slapped in the face. The harsh reality was setting in and it was actually affecting me now.

"I don't understand why it's hurting me so much," I whispered. "Not just this, but...everything. Everything hurts."

Dimitri wrapped an arm around me, pulling me into his side. "I think you're overwhelmed. You've been through more than anyone should ever have to. Remember, a man you cared about just died in your arms. You have every right to be upset."

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time. I've witnessed my own friend dying in my arms. I've killed dozens of strigoi. Shouldn't I be numb to this kind of thing?"

"You think guardians are numb because of what they go through?" Dimitri asked.

I didn't answer him, so he filled the silence. "Roza, just because we don't show our emotions doesn't mean we don't feel anything. Unless you're a strigoi, it's impossible to be completely numb to pain. I think what you need is a really good cry."

"No. I shouldn't be crying," I muttered, shaking my head. "Crying makes me look weak. Maybe I am. Damian got hurt because I wasn't strong enough to save both of us."

"You are not weak," Dimitri said, trying to emphasize his point by cupping my face and forcing me to look him in the eyes. "I don't think you realize how strong you are. You've accomplished more than most guardians I know and you're only eighteen. I'm so, so proud of you, Roza."

A part of me felt really flattered that he had so much faith in me, but it was hard for me to think the same way. He was right, but it was hard to think about accomplishments when people around me were dying. Unfortunately, this was what life was like for most guardians. I wasn't even a guardian but I was experiencing the same heartache they had to go through. And, as much as I tried to deny it, I had seen and been through so much trauma that it made me somewhat mentally unstable. Sometimes, it made me question whether I even wanted to be a guardian if I was given the choice again. Dimitri being my guardian could actually be my holy grail to having a life with him.

I came back to the present, replying to Dimitri's words. "I wouldn't have been able to take down so many strigoi without your training."

"I may have been the one to teach you how to fight, but it's your own bravery and drive that makes you so amazing. You may be impulsive and crazy at times, but you have a strong will to fight and survive. I mean, come on, when did you ever see a dhampir pull someone's heart out?"

Despite my tears, I allowed myself a brief moment to smile. "Actually, that's a strigoi thing. I don't think I could've done that before."

Dimitri shrugged. "Well, it's still pretty cool."

I smiled again before my expression faltered. There were still so many things on my mind and talking about it seemed to help me. "I still get nightmares. Sometimes, I wonder if they'll ever go away."

"Do you want to talk about them?" Dimitri suggested. "If it's not too much for you, it might actually help to talk about it."

"Well...there was this one dream I had a while ago, but sometimes I still think about it. Remember the night I was rescued from the house?"

Dimitri's eyes moved away as he replayed the memories before nodding his head.

"Yeah. When we were on the plane, I had a dream that I was back in the experimentation room. There was a little girl on the table and she was strapped down. She had the same features as me, but she was really young. She kept begging me to help her, and when I came closer, I realized it was me, just as a child. I stabbed her in the heart and I couldn't stop it from happening. It was like my body was being controlled and I was helpless. She kept begging me to stop, but I couldn't. It was awful." By the time I finished spilling out the little secret, there were new tears in my eyes.

"Maybe it was because of how powerless you were feeling at the time. Maybe, deep down you knew you needed help but you were afraid to ask for it."

I nodded. "I was thinking the same thing. Maybe the younger version of me was just the part of me that was so afraid and vulnerable. Stabbing her against my will could have been the part of me that had no control. All those other dreams were usually about getting abused or...raped again. It's terrifying to relive those memories. They all feel so real."

"And it's like this every night for you?" Dimitri asked, lightly stroking my head with his fingers.

"Almost every night," I admitted. "Lissa's seen it a few times. Sometimes she'll wake me up and hold me afterwards. I love her for being there, but it's kind of embarrassing. I don't like it when people see that part of me."

"I get that you don't want to show that vulnerable side of yours, but Lissa will never think you're weak. None of us do. Remember, we all love you."

I managed to smile again even though my lips didn't reach my eyes. I leaned closer and nuzzled my face into the crook of Dimitri's neck. It always felt so good to be next to him, and the fact that I could spill my feelings out to him and not feel judged or uncomfortable was a relief. Dimitri had spent months trying to get me to open up to him as much as I could without pushing me too much. There were still a lot of things I held inside that I hadn't told him, but it was progress. I rarely talked about what actually happened in the bloodwhore dens and my time getting sexually abused since it was so hard to talk about. Dimitri knew it was a lot for me, so he wasn't pushy about it, but he still wanted me to open up whenever I was ready. It wasn't that I wanted to keep things from him because I knew at this point that he wouldn't judge me or be disgusted with me. It was just difficult to share those memories without crying or breaking down completely. On the other hand, maybe Dimitri was right. Maybe it was best if I just let myself break down instead of constantly holding things in. I knew without a doubt that if I did come to it again, Dimitri would always be there to hold me in his arms.

"Mommy?"

Dimitri and I broke apart for a second and looked towards the aisle. Nevaeh stood there, still wearing her pink pajamas. "I was looking for you," she said.

"Do you want to sit here?" Dimitri asked her. She smiled and nodded, but before he could even get up, I grabbed his hand and pushed him back down.

"No, stay. She can sit on my lap," I suggested. Dimitri accepted my idea and instead picked Nevaeh up effortlessly and placed her on my lap. Her legs dangled off my thighs and she swung them a little bit, occasionally poking Dimitri's thigh with her toes.

"You look sad," she noticed. I realized I still had some tears left that I had forgotten to wipe off. She did the job for me as she tugged on her sleeve and patted the material on my cheeks. I couldn't help but smile and laugh a little bit. She was so sweet.

"You don't have to do that," I said.

"I want to. When you're sad, it makes me sad. Do you need a hug?" she asked. Somehow, her voice always sounded so adorable and innocent. I knew I wouldn't be able to hear a voice like that when she grew up, so I cherished it while I could. I let her hug me, and she threw her arms around my neck. I would never forget how comforting her hugs were. She was a bubble of love and warmth. I knew being kidnapped and put in harsh conditions would affect her badly, and I would do anything to make her happy.

"Why don't we go shopping when we get back?" I asked, pulling back. I glanced at Dimitri who seemed a little surprised to hear me suggest going shopping of all things considering what happened last time. I couldn't be afraid forever. I needed to get out and do things rather than let my fears control me.

"Shopping?" Nevaeh repeated, giving me a confused look.

"Yeah. Maybe in a few weeks, after I heal a little bit more. I'll buy you some new clothes."

"Really?" she gasped. The smile of excitement on her face couldn't have made me happier. Clothing wasn't something I expected her to be so optimistic about.

"Mhm. I'll get you some cozy sweaters and blankets for the winter," I told her, twisting a strand of her hair in my fingers.

"Speaking of blankets," Dimitri added, standing up from his seat. He opened up the overhead bin above our seats and pulled out the same warm blanket he had once covered us with the last time we were on the jet. He unravelled the material before covering both of us with it, tucking it around us so that we were warm and comfortable.

"Thank you," I said, smiling at him gratefully as he sat back down. Nevaeh leaned towards my right side, resting her head near my collar bone. I kept my arm around her, holding her securely.

"Mommy?" she whispered. She was getting tired, but there was curiosity in her voice too.

I tilted my head and continued to stroke her hair. "Yes?"

"What are those marks on your arms?"

I tensed, my fingers going still in her hair. Her question was totally unexpected. I didn't want her to know I had harmed myself—nor did I want her to even know what that meant—so I lied.

"They're just...um, battle scars." Well, that wasn't entirely a lie if battling with myself counted.

"Oh. A lot of girls back at the house had them. I saw some of them hurting themselves with sharp things. I don't know why," she said. I shot Dimitri a worried glance who had his eyes fixed on Nevaeh, but he noticed my worry. He was worried too and I caught him unconsciously looking down at my arms. The cuts that were once there were now scars, but they were visible on my pale skin.

"Don't try to understand it," I said firmly. Maybe she would understand it when she was older, but not now. "Whatever you saw those girls doing—it's not healthy and it's not okay. Don't ever do what they did, do you understand me?" What I did, I thought shamefully. I hoped that she never, ever resorted to hurting herself. Not my baby.

"I understand," she said. I wrapped my arm around her again and squeezed tightly this time. I felt like I needed to be close to both of my loved ones, so I reached out with my other hand and slipped it into Dimitri's.

"Can you take her back to her seat before we land?" I whispered to him.

"Of course," he said. I smiled gratefully before resting my head on hers, staring out into the clouds through the small window.

I couldn't wait to get back home.


Hello again. This chapter was really hard for me to write. I know Damian was a made up character, but I feel like he had a lot of character development and writing his death was sad for me especially writing about him in the story from the very beginning.

Also, this story is coming to an end soon and I've already written a few chapters for the sequel. Should I post it when this one is over? Would you all be interested in reading it? Let me know.

I hope you're all doing well and staying safe. Please let me know what you thought :)