Chapter 16: In the Loop

Usually when she drew in public, she watched the people around her and drew them. This time, she really didn't want to do that. She sat at her hightop table near the bar and scowled, keeping the other conference attendees away with it. The only one who approached her was Ginjo, but since Grimmjow was nowhere to be found, Riruka dragged him off somewhere, blessedly.

Now she had a tab open with an order to keep the "In the Loop" martinis coming. She had ordered it because of the play on words, referencing the Chicago Loop. She didn't realize that it was mostly whiskey.

His whiskey.

She let the flavor of Maker's Mark pull her memories back to those times at Starrk's. She let the memories of Ulquiorra's face guide her pen on the tablet. She'd let the ideas pour out of her until Grimmjow got back.

By the time the bar closed, she could barely walk. She had had about five of the martinis and she wobbled her way to the elevator and back up to the room and promptly threw up. After her stomach settled and she was able to keep some water down, she looked at the alarm clock.

It was well past midnight. Where the fuck was Grimmjow?

She sent a text asking if everything was alright and got no response.

She decided to brush her teeth and take another shower. She didn't want to smell like vomit when he came back.

Two o'clock in the morning and that still hadn't happened. She was still pretty drunk, too.

What better time to get on the internet?

She was just about done with her blogpost, and was debating whether to hit submit or delete it, when she heard her phone chime. Thinking it was Grimmjow, she dove over to look at her phone.

- I know it's been a week but I miss talking to you. I hope you're not too mad about what happened. I hope everything is okay. Ulq.

Huh.

- Well, not really, but it is what it is, I guess. I'm not mad. I'm used to it. Louise ruins everything. You don't have to feel guilty or whatever, everyone leaves.

Yeah, she was pretty drunk. She decided to screw it and submit her blog post as-is.

- I don't feel guilty about anything. I've been up for hours thinking about you. We are friends and I care about your wellbeing, Orihime. I never said I was going to leave you. I couldn't do that.

She got his return text after she posted it. She was confused. What did he think, sending this now, after all this time? She sat and stared at it, trying to decide on a response. She finally made a decision.

- Why?

There was a notification on her iPad that her post had published.

12.12.19

Chicago, IL, Hyatt Regency BIG Bar: In the Loop

It's not Coffee. It might be sadness. It is Maker's Mark and raspberry and lemon and bitters, and the bitters are sharp. It's a taste that grows on you, though. At least it grows on me.

It's no perfect cup, but it'll do. It should, for $14 a glass.

Anyway, this is a great place for losing your thoughts and watching the city lights mock you. Try it if you're ever in the mood to question everything you ever thought you knew.

Today's playlist: Little Lies - Fleetwood Mac. Helplessly Hoping - Crosby Stills & Nash, A Bitter Song - Butterfly Boucher

Ulquiorra's response came about seven minutes later.

- Because you never need to doubt me. Because I won't make you bitter. Because I'll never make you question your reality.

She read that and scoffed. He had no idea.

- You already do. You make me ask myself lots of questions.

Another lull in response time.

- Like what?

She saw the question as she was nodding off and decided she couldn't type. She called him.

A tired but smooth voice answered the phone. "Hello, Orihime."

She only whispered back. "Like why you would want to be my friend after we made a scene in your shop. Like why I always want to draw you. Like why I feel like I can trust you better than I trust my own boyfriend, even if we weren't friends anymore."

A sigh answered her for a moment. "Orihime… I don't care that you made a scene, but your mother is a… she's a lunatic. I don't know why you want to draw me; I'm nothing special. I don't know why you feel that way. All I know is that I want to be close to you and not seeing you or hearing any information about you has led me to many sleepless nights."

"But I'm nobody, Ulquiorra. You've got your people and your shop and your ties and…" she kind of ran out of steam and took a long breath. "I'm just me. I can't escape her."

"You're someone I want to be with, Orihime."

"Why?" she began to cry. She wanted to believe that someone would. She could only keep remembering the look on his face when he told her to leave, though.

Ulquiorra let out a long exhale. "I cannot tell you at the moment. You wouldn't listen to it because you're with Grimmjow. In the future, should your circumstances change, I will tell you," he said. "Do not cry, though."

She sniffled and whimpered. "I can't help it. The people here… And Grimmjow… and Lucy, and now you…" a small sob choked her for a second. She shouldn't have called him when she was this drunk, she realized. She wasn't making any sense, not to him at least. "You don't have to listen to this. You need to get some rest. I'll probably pass out pretty soon anyway; I don't think he's coming back."

"Who is Lucy? Who isn't coming back? Isn't Grimmjow there with you? What about the people there?" Ulquiorra asked, his tone concerned.

"Lucy is perfect. She's so nice and pretty and perfect. He went there tonight and hasn't come back." She sighed. "The other people are just obnoxious but they remind me that we're not in the same league."

"Those people are probably older than you. Once you gain your footing in the world, you'll be in your own league. No one is perfect. This Lucy is probably a basic bitch who likes pumpkin spice and minter."

"No, she's not. She's great. She's smart and successful and independent and a great mom. She's gorgeous and kind and looks at you like she really sees you, you know?" Orihime sounded a bit like she might have a crush on Lucy, but it was just the way the whiskey made her talk about everything in the superlative.

"A great mom? What does that have to do with Grimmjow?"

"I can't tell you. Ellen can't find out. I wasn't supposed to find out," she said, her voice falling off in dejection as she reminded herself that he didn't think enough of her or their relationship to tell her about Brady.

Ulquiorra was silent for a moment. "You should get some sleep, Woman."

She nodded. He probably didn't want to talk anymore. She knew calling was a mistake. "I'm sorry, Ulquiorra. I'm sorry for my Mom and I'm sorry for bothering you."

"You're not a bother to me, Orihime. You sound tired and upset. Once you sleep, you might wake up and everything might be better then."

"Mmhmm," she hummed her agreement, although she knew nothing would be better in the morning. "I'm sure you're right. I'm sure you're right. Goodnight, Ulquiorra."

"Goodnight Orihime."


"One more? Pwease?" the boy asked, yawning and wiggling into Grimmjow's side.

When Lucy gave him the okay to be a dad, Grimmjow took it. He gave the kid a bath and got him ready for bed. His son gave him the same face that Grimmjow made when something displeased him. It came up when Grimmjow said he would only read five books to him.

He tucked Brady into his bed and then laid beside him, opening the first book. It was sometime during the fourth book that his eyes began to get heavy. He had to struggle to stay awake. The next thing he knew it was morning because his alarm was going off.

"Shit," Grimmjow mumbled as he sat up. Fuck! He was so screwed. Orihime would probably be pissed off at him.

Lucy opened the door to Brady's room and saw that he was awake. "Hey, sorry, I couldn't disturb you two, you looked too cute. I have some coffee in a to-go cup for you. Also I'll send you the pics I took of you two sleeping together. I almost got pregnant again just by looking at them," she said with a giggle.

Grimmjow groaned before he stood up and stretched. "Of course you got pics of it," he said, walking towards her. He obviously wasn't awake completely as he kissed her cheek as he walked past the blonde. "Bathroom, and then I'll take my coffee and get out of your hair."

"You're not in my hair," she murmured in a dreamy voice, but let him get going.

Grimmjow did as he said and then hung around for a minute. "So, I kind of want to make this a regular thing," he said as he took the coffee from Lucy.

"We would both like that. I'm going to wake him up if you want to tell him you'll see him soon?" she suggested and asked at the same time.

"Yeah," Grimmjow said with a nod. He gave the woman a smile. "That sounds great. I want to tell him that."

She simply smiled and went over to the sleeping child, kissed his cheek and whispered something into his hair. A moment later, a messy blond head popped up. "Bwoo Heyo has to go?"

Grimmjow walked over to the bed and ruffled the kid's blond hair. "Yeah buddy, Dad-Dad has to go do some work, but I will see you soon. Okay?"

"Can we have McDonald's?" the kid asked with big, round blue eyes.

"That's up to your mom," the blue-haired man replied. "Give me a high five, okay?"

The boy stood up on his bed and high-fived Grimmjow, before launching himself at him and wrapping his little arms around his neck. "Bwady and Bwoo Heyo are best fwends, wight?"

Grimmjow hugged the kid tightly and then looked at his mother. "Yeah, we're best friends, Braids. I love you, kiddo."

"I wuv you too. Bye bye!" the kid said with a wide smile.


Grimmjow walked into the hotel room and sighed.

Orihime was sitting on the bed with a bottle of aspirin and a water bottle on the side of a room service tray. There was a half-eaten english muffin and a bottle of gatorade on it. "He lives," she said in a dull voice.

"I can explain. I fell asleep reading stories to Brady," he said. "What's wrong? Are you sick?"

She closed her eyes and began to shake her head, then put her palm over her forehead and groaned. "Ugh, no, I'm hungover. Do you want this English Muffin? I can't eat it. Why didn't you let me know you were- Nevermind, you just said. I was really worried," she said, the pain in her head keeping her voice and emotions subdued.

Grimmjow shook his head. "I'm sorry. I fell asleep. I didn't wake up until my alarm went off this morning. Why are you hungover?"

"The hotel bar has these drinks that taste a lot smoother than they are," she lied. She didn't want to get into it when she felt so shitty. "I went there for a sandwich and fries and had a few cocktails with it while I drew and when I got up to come back up here I could barely walk. It was not fun," she said, peeking at him from under her hand with a contrite grimace.

An unhappy look crossed his face. That wasn't like Orihime to get smashed like that. "Ah, well, I'm gonna get a shower and get ready for today. Or do you want to take a shower first?"

"I think I took three showers last night, go ahead. I should be better once I get this gatorade in me," she replied. "I'm glad you're back safely," she added in a softer tone.

"I was never unsafe," Grimmjow commented. "But thank you, Orihime. I hope you feel better soon."

She watched him walk into the bathroom and then closed her eyes. He was different. She had a bad feeling about this, but there was really nothing she could do. Maybe everything would go back to normal once they were in Evanston. She drank some more of her brightly-colored drink and got out of bed, deciding to get dressed. She was curious about how it went, so she walked over to the bathroom door as she was zipping up her skirt and tried to open the bathroom door a crack.

It was locked.

She sighed and tried to speak through it. "How was it with your son?" she asked as loud as she could tolerate.

"It was good. Brady calls me Blue Hair," Grimmjow called back. "He loves chicken nuggets and wants to read six books at bed time."

Her lips twisted into a bittersweet smile. "That's cute. Your lucky number, huh?"

There came a laugh from the bathroom. "Yeah. He's really smart and likes dinosaurs. Lucy has been raising him well."

"No surprise, she seems to have it together," Orihime commented. "How did it make you feel?"

Grimmjow was silent for a few moments. He had locked the door because he didn't want Orihime coming in here and giving him the third degree or going through his pockets. There was nothing there that suggested that anything bad happened, but he didn't want to deal with her at the moment. He couldn't. "It made me feel like I missed out on a lot. I want to be there for him in the future, you know?"

She was quiet for a long moment while she thought about his answer. How would she feel in his situation? She couldn't really imagine, but she thought it would be similar. She chewed on the insides of her cheeks and decided to put her own feelings to the side and deal with him as a friend for the moment, instead of as a boyfriend. "Yeah, I get it. I would probably feel the same. It's good that they live here now, right?"

He didn't say anything as he finished showering. It took him another minute to wrap a towel around his waist and then open the door. Steam billowed out behind him. "It is a good thing. I get to see him more. Are you going to be okay with that?"

She looked at him and lowered her brows for a minute. There was no reason for him to treat her like an adversary. "It's not a matter of me being okay with it or not. He's a kid."

"You're my girlfriend though. The most I've seen Brady is probably a couple hours for the past three years. I want to get to know him, Orihime."

"I get it. You should. I am not going to get in the way of that, what kind of person would I be if I did?"

"Thank you." Grimmjow pulled the woman close and hugged her, not caring if he was dripping water onto her or not. At that moment he was grateful and appreciated Orihime's mentality when it came to this situation.

She was surprised by his quick change in attitude and melted into his hug. "You're welcome," she murmured, letting her arms wrap around his wet waist. "This is all so new to me. I'm sorry if I'm acting weird about it. It's just… Wow. You're a dad," she said, a small bit of mirth in her voice as that fact finally settled on her.

"It was a shock to me too when I found out. I'm just glad Lucy has been gracious with all this," Grimmjow murmured. He held onto his girlfriend for a moment longer before he took a step back. "Let me finish getting ready and we can get some breakfast or some coffee."

Orihime nodded. Things would be okay. This was just a bump in the road. "I'll be dressed in a second and then I need to clean up a bit, so hopefully I won't keep you waiting. Or you can go grab a table and I can meet you down there," she offered.

"I'll wait for you."


Ulquiorra stood behind the counter inside Coffee & Sadness. He was exhausted. He hadn't slept much since the thing with Orihime happened. He kept thinking about that kiss. He kept thinking about how she felt under his hands. It was driving him mad.

Orihime was wrong. She was somebody to him. She was almost everything to him, and they weren't even together. She was just his friend.

Grimmjow and Orihime would be back from Chicago soon. Ulquiorra planned to ask a whole bunch of questions.

He gave a heavy sigh then pulled his phone out of his pocket, deciding to text the redhead.

- Are things better today?

Orihime has been making nice with a potential client while Grimmjow was off schmoozing another one. She hated doing this. She hated being fake. It wasn't being nice to these people that bothered her; it was faking her way through talking about Rotten's brand management practices like she had a clue about what they were. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket and finished her conversation before excusing herself and reading Ulquiorra's message.

She had forgotten much of their conversation and scrolled up to reread it. Huh. She had been feeling worse than she thought.

- well, I'm not drunk now. I think the daylight helps put things in perspective. I'm sorry for keeping you up.

He glared at the device in his hand then began tapping out another message.

- You always keep me up. Come in when you get back. Please.

That made her chest tight. An invitation.

- Is it still Minter? Even if it is… I'll be there.

There was a hint of a smile that made his disgruntled expression fade.

- I need a taste tester for white chocolate lattes and marshmallow hot chocolate. You're the best person for this job.

She laughed out loud.

- yeah? I'll put it on my resume. Ulquiorra? Thanks for making me smile.

He glanced around before he snapped a photo of his smile for her. He sent it along with another message.

- You make me smile too.


The rest of the day went smoothly. It turned out that Orihime was not the only one hungover that day. Riruka and Ginjo barely bothered the brightly-haired couple when they ran into them later that day.

"You missed a good time last night, Jaeger-Jack," Ginjo muttered.

"I was having my own good time, Ginjo. This conference is an opportunity, not a fuckfest." Grimmjow gave the man a disapproving stare before he took a sip of coffee. It was shit. He wanted to go back home and get some Coffee & Sadness coffee.

"How mature, Grimmjow," Riruka retorted, rolling her eyes. "You were singing a different tune last year. But anyway, I've got you on my calendar for right before Christmas, right?"

"Tch, I ain't your Christmas present this year."

Riruka smirked. "I haven't even given you my list, yet. C'mon, Ginjo. I'm sure Grimm and his little poptart have rounds to make. See ya," she said with a small wave before sauntering away.

Grimmjow scoffed again and then turned to look at Orihime. "What a bitch," he stated.

"I don't even know if that word begins to describe it," Orihime said, watching the pink-haired woman with wide eyes.

The man grumbled some more. "I'm glad we'll be going home soon. Then I'll only have to deal with Riruka through calls and texts and emails."

Orihime wrinkled her nose. "Is she always this obnoxious?"

"And then some. It's why Kuchiki gave me her account."

"Wow. Why does he hate you so much?" she said with a little giggle. She was just teasing him.

Grimmjow shrugged and in a nonchalant tone said, "I fuck all the interns. He has to deal with people bitching about me. I'm an asshole to everyone I don't want to fuck, which that is like the entire building recently. Uh, I'm too good at my job to fire… I can handle the asshole clients."

The cheer drained from her face. "Well, then. I guess those are some reasons. How much longer do we have to stay here? I'm exhausted," she said, changing the subject. She didn't want to be reminded how much he had fucked.

"Check out time is tomorrow morning. If you want to go back tonight we can," Grimmjow said to her. "Do you want to go tonight?"

"Yeah. Actually," then she stopped and remembered that the conference wasn't the only reason he was here anymore. "Well… If you want to meet up with Brady again tonight I'm not going to make you leave."

Grimmjow shook his head. "Nah, I'll facetime with him once we're home. I don't want to wear out my welcome too quick. I might come down here next week though and spend the day with him." He gave Orihime a small smile. "Let's get packed and get out of here."


The next morning Orihime had more pep in her step. She had slept over at Grimmjow's the night before; still not ready to face her mother. She got ready and went to the office and immediately went around for coffee orders.

"Susan! I'm back! I'm getting coffee!" she said from the older woman's office door in an enticing manner.

"Great, Orhime. I will have the… The…" she trailed off, not exactly focused.

"The non-coffee latte with peppermint?" Orihime suggested.

"Oh, yes, with like three sugar packets. That sounds perfect, thank you." Susan said, briefly looking up at her.

Orihime chuckled. She had basically ordered herself a shamrock shake.

She turned around and nearly bumped into Karen. "I'll have a hazelnut coffee with hot milk and no foam and some of that bourbon stuff Grimmjow likes. I keep meaning to try it but never do."

Orihime tried not to show her distaste for the combination she suggested. "Ok, got it. I'll be back soon," she said before stopping at Grimmjow's office.

"Coffee?" she asked from the doorframe.

Grimmjow was on the phone listening to Brady talk to him. He had called when he got into the office. "Just a minute Braids," he said. It took him several seconds longer to actually answer Orihime. "Uh, just a black coffee, please. You look lovely today."

She smiled at him. It was nice that he was taking such an interest in his son. "Thank you, be right back," she whispered, closing his door quietly to not disturb the conversation.

Ulquiorra was watching the front doors of the coffee shop like a hawk. He saw the redhead go through the doors that morning. He saw Grimmjow go in after her. Now he was staring at Orihime with the gaze of a hungry man. He had missed her conversation and her attention over the past week. "Ethan, when she comes in I want you to cover the front," Ulquiorra said to his other employee.

The man just nodded and kept making orders.

The chime of the door opening felt nostalgic. The smell of this place made her close her eyes, and she stopped just inside the door to take it in. It had been just over a week, but it felt like years. When she opened her eyes again, she looked toward the registers and saw him. She wasn't prepared for the rush of feelings that took over her. Her throat felt tight and her nose pricked. God, she had missed him. She offered a small smile across the room before making her way to the line.

Ulquiorra came from behind the counter and came up to her. "You have a list, don't you?" he asked.

Again, the smell assaulted her, but this time it was his. His soap and the faint smell of his clove cigarettes. She had to blink a few times and take a deep breath to keep from getting overwhelmed. She cleared her throat and said, "I do. You won't believe what Susan came up with this time. A fitting order for a reunion like this, I think," she said and looked him in the eyes with a gentle grin.

"I'm surprised Susan still works there. I basically told Kuchiki that I wouldn't sign off on anything since you weren't there. Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

The smile on her face melted slowly as he spoke. "Because… Because you told me to leave." Her mouth twitched at the corners a bit at the memory. "I thought you were, um, I thought you didn't want me back."

Without saying anything further, Ulquiorra grabbed Orihime's hand and started walking towards the door that would lead them to the stairway. They needed to talk about what happened. They needed to clear the air. Also, Ulquiorra was afraid that being that close to her in public would make him do something stupid like back her against the wall then kiss her again.

As soon as the heavy door was shut behind them and there was no noise from the coffee shop, he turned around and stared at Orihime. "I want you," he said, closing the gap between them. His hands came up to gently grasp her waist. "You have to know this."

She was speechless. The skin on her face was hot and prickly. Sure, he had flirted with her and teased her. The last time she had been there he had kissed her… And she had kissed him back. Shit. She kind of let that memory fade to the background after the whole thing with her mom happened. Her mouth opened and no sound came out as she tried to catch her breath.

"Orihime, I have feelings for you. I know they're not reciprocated. I want to be with you just like Grimmjow is." Those words hung in the air. He hadn't planned on telling her this, but he couldn't hold onto this anymore. "I think-"

This is where he stopped himself. He would stick by what he said. She had to be free from Grimmjow before he even spoke those words.

She felt like the earth was crumbling away under her feet. She shook her head, tiny little movements at first before her face crumpled. This was terrible. This was absolutely terrible. She had just gotten him back in her life, and now this? "Ulquiorra…" she said on a harsh whisper. "I don't know what to tell you. I'm with Grimmjow. I-" She stopped herself and covered her mouth. Why did this hurt so badly?

"I know." He nodded his head slowly and let his hands drop. "You love him although he doesn't love you. You trust me more than you trust him." The words weren't bitter. There was no anger behind them. He said them in a monotone voice without any inflection. "I get it, Orihime. We're friends."

Her eyes looked to his, her brows a worried angle, and she dropped her hand a bit. "Are we?" She didn't know what to do. She wanted to stop time. She wanted to make her life go back to a simpler moment. The way she felt about Ulquiorra was not just friendly, and they both knew it. She wasn't free to say it, though.

"You don't want to be."

The impulse came to her, and she probably should have thought about it a bit more before she followed it, but she couldn't think of anything else to do. The hand that had been in front of her mouth reached up behind his neck and pulled his face down as she pressed up to kiss him. She whined into his mouth, breathing his breath and giving hers back as unspoken passion. The hand on his neck tightened as she pressed her lips against his more urgently. It was hard and sad, and it felt like a goodbye. When she broke the kiss, she was crying. "I don't know if we can be," she whispered.

Ulquiorra nodded and took a step back. "Okay," he stated. "Let's get your coffee order rung up.


A/N: ...sorry. Unless you wanted that to happen. Let us know, please!