I Have Been Here Before
Winski was climbing the tree, grim and resolute. He was driven by the urge to meet Sarevok again, to get his magic back, to really start his new life in freedom. After hearing the news of forgiveness and happiness Sarevok had gained he felt such a powerful need to see the boy again, to be a better presence and influence to him than he had previously been. At times the guilt of his misdeeds and attitudes to others' right to live and make choices made him despair so that he almost thought he'd like to simply cease existing, or be ripped apart by demons. Jelena told him to not to be stupid. How would that help anyone he had wronged? Better to learn and do better in future. There was much he could accomplish, the skilled magician that he was. Perhaps Jelena was right. Winski didn't know. He was determined to endure what he had to endure and be a decent immortal magician, always there for the woman he loved.
He discussed a lot with Jelena, and pondered even more in the privacy of his inner landscape. Jelena seemed to understand this, and didn't prod. That was one thing he loved her for. She had been like that in their mortal life as well. She understood his need for space and private reflection, knowing that it didn't mean he would love her less, and that he would share his issues and heartaches with her once given the time to mull over them in his own mind.
- "Look down, Winski. We are almost there."
Winski did. There was a gray, icy ground greeting them, and a huge, black, scaly serpent twirled around the massive roots of the tree. There were smaller snakes all around it. They all seemed to gnaw the roots and the core of the tree.
- "Those creatures. They don't look particularly benevolent. What will they do to us?" Winski asked.
- "If I have been informed correctly, nothing. They would like nothing better than to consume us, but they are here to fulfill a function. Just like those deer we saw."
Winski remembered. There were four ethereal, airborne deer. They ate away the new buds of growth the tree was sprouting, and were gone. He shivered, the allegory not lost on him. He wanted to treasure his own buds of growth. Jelena assured him he was doing fine.
- "I told you the tree is a metaphor of life itself," Jelena went on. "This serpent is death, and the deer are destruction. They have their role in the larger scale of things, even though many perceive them as evil."
The serpent made Winski shiver. Its bulbous, mindless eyes glanced at them malevolently, but it didn't seem particularly interested. They descended to the icy soggy ground and regarded their surroundings.
The air was humid, and thickly gray. There was no sun or moon, just heavy, soggy clouds hanging low. Mist was twisting and swirling everywhere. There were deformed pine trees half-dead and covered with frost or dripping water. The humidity and grayness seemed to sap their willpower and strength, creeping into the marrow of their bones.
Winski's eyes were large with astonishment.
- "I have been here. I have been here before," he said in a listless voice, staring ahead.
Jelena looked at him quizzically.
- "I mean, this is so familiar. The hopelessness, the bitterness... even how everything is gray and saps your strength, slowly eating away your capacity to care... it was just like my life after your death."
- "I suppose that makes sense. You decided not to love anymore, not to have compassion for anyone in your heart. And this is the place where it is the physical reality, a place of punishment for those who lived in such a fashion," Jelena said.
They saw gray shades moving about. Judging by their looks they had once been mortals, but they were somehow transparent, their eyes hollow in their gray faces, the apathy set in their features.
- "Yes... they even look like you did," Jelena said quietly.
- "I did?" Winski asked.
- "Apart from the transparency, yes. Now there is fire behind your eyes again."
- "What now?"
- "We must find Death of Innocence. It is a city, the only one on this plane. Even many mortals live there. They have the prison there... and we will both be locked there until your punishment is over."
- "What will you do to me?"
- "I will make you see. To understand what you have done. It will hurt. But much to your credit, you have understood a lot already by your own incentive. This will make the punishment take less time and pain. I will be with you. You will make it."
Winski nodded and squeezed her hand. In a strange way he was satisfied that he would be punished. Perhaps then the guilt would leave him alone and allow him to start his new life as a forgiven man.
