A/N for 2020-03-6: This week has been a wringer on several fronts. Happy Friday, all, and happy reading.

~ Erin


Edward discreetly disappeared in the morning, giving Bella time with Charlie.

From outside, he could hear the rattle of the bottle of pills, but he didn't know if she'd taken one or simply set it aside. He kept his observations in the car as unobtrusive as possible. She was quiet. Absorbed, he supposed, in her thoughts of seeing Sarah.

Sam was another thing entirely. His thoughts, normally bitter in Edward's presence, were alarming, the images that flittered through his recent memory both startling and alarming. In contrast, his face was neutral. He didn't ask Bella if she wanted to drive, simply taking the wheel, giving Edward a wary eye as he did so.

"I'll see you later," Edward said, waiting until Bella was far away before letting his face wear the many strong emotions he felt.

They would need to act, and soon. He just didn't know how.

Bella welcomed Sam's silence today. She had put the pills on her shelf without taking one. It was easier to be silent and explore the familiar ache in her arm.

Billy frowned, seeing her face. "You should be getting more sleep than that. You look like you've been up most of the night."

Her lips curled part way up and then fell back, taking Sarah. She was relieved to hold her, but she didn't need Billy prying. "Getting up to pump is a bit of a production," she mumbled as an excuse.

"Hmm," he said, but he didn't sound like he believed her.

Seth and Leah chatted casually in the corner, Moira sitting across from them. Bella wondered why both siblings were there, but didn't ask.

The hour was up too quickly, and Bella pressed her face to Sarah's, closing her eyes and breathing in her sweet scent. She didn't realize it, but she was rocking, turning her body back and forth in an unconscious rhythm.

Moira cleared her throat.

Bella sighed and handed Sarah back to Billy.

"Back at noon, all right?" Moira said, glancing at her watch. She waited for Bella to leave, following her out.

"Come on," Leah said, "You can hang out at our place."

"Sure," Bella said.

"God," Leah said, getting in the car, making a face, "ugh."

"You can walk, you know," Bella said, thoroughly done with the dramatic reactions to all the supernatural smells.

Leah made a dismissive noise. "Actually, I can't."

Bella responded with her own derisive, "Tsk" but then looked at her. "Wait, why not?"

Leah clamped her mouth shut.

Oh, Bella realized. Leah really couldn't walk, just as she couldn't say anything either. "Never mind," she mumbled, and they drove on to Sue's, a few minutes down the road.

"You look terrible," Leah said to her. "Take a nap or something."

"Thanks, Leah," Bella said. "I'll just roll around in your compliments for a bit for a while."

"Just sayin'." Leah shrugged. "But seriously, get some sleep."

Irked by her friend's bossiness, and not sure that she could get back to sleep, Bella pulled out one of the books Edward had bought her instead. Part of her wasn't surprised when Leah shook her shoulder, waking her up an uncertain amount of time later. "Come on. Time to go."

They repeated their round trip once more that day, but when they arrived for the last visit, Moira was standing at the door beaming. "Good news!" she announced. "I was able to push through my report with the area supervisor. You get to take Sarah home today!"

Bella's sob of surprised joy was synchronized with a quiet "Thank God," from Billy.

"Really?" Bella asked, needing to be sure it was true.

"Yes," Moira said, handing her a clipboard and form to sign. "Now," she added, "I can't tell you to file a complaint, but well—she looked at Sarah and then Bella "you're clearly a wonderful mother, and I've found nothing to support a report of abuse of any kind." She raised her eyebrows at Bella meaningfully. "And, if you do want to file a complaint, the information is right on the back. Yep, right there," she said, pointing at the faint print.

"Thank you," Bella said. She was less concerned with the complaint than she was with being able to take Sarah home. She nursed her baby quickly, and after giving a big hug to Billy, called Edward and then Charlie with the good news.

It was Seth this time who went with her to the boundary line. He looked like he wanted to say something. He kept opening his mouth and then closing it again. When he saw Edward, though, he looked at him with furtive concentration.

Edward only nodded, saving his animated smiles for Bella. After Seth disappeared, he pulled her into a hug. "How're you doing?" he asked, stepping back to see her face.

"I'm just so happy to have her back," she said, looking at Sarah through the car window.

"Me too," he said. "Perhaps we can see my family and share the good news? I know Alice and Esme would love to see you both."

"That sounds wonderful," Bella said.

He waited until they were on their way, testing the waters of their conversation. She seemed steady and relieved. There would be no better time to tell her, as much as he didn't want to share the news.

"I need to tell you something," Edward said quietly.

Bella's posture became rigid.

"Everything's okay," he said softly, touching her arm, taking her hand, "but Sam called Carlisle this morning to give him some news."

Bella swallowed, nodding.

"They chased off four vampires last night from Sue's and Billy's."

Bella was still stiff but breathing carefully. She nodded for him to go on, pulling her hand away, reaching back to touch Sarah. Four vampires. Near Sarah. Near Billy. She blocked out all the what if's. She set her attention onto her broken hand, feeling the softness of Sarah's downy hair with the other, an uncertain balance.

"He didn't want to tell you, and he didn't want us to tell you."

"I'm not surprised." Bella huffed angrily. "He . . . doesn't like anyone who he thinks doesn't need to know things, knowing things. " She bit back her bitter memories about how he'd made Jacob keep things from her too.

"I can't say I don't empathize with him, Bella," he said, seeing the dark look she gave him, "but I underestimated you before, and I won't make that mistake again." He blew out a breath, "If you don't want to know, I'd be happy to keep it from you."

"No," she said, "I had enough of that with Jacob. I need to know."

"Okay." He sighed. "When we get to the house, we should meet with the others to discuss what's been going on. But you don't have to," he said, seeing her eyes widen.

"No, I want to," she said. Edward had protected her so much before, it was surprising to see him so open with this information.

The greetings at the house were many and kind but tempered by a quiet urgency. They all needed to talk. When they gathered at the table, Edward pulled a chair out for Bella, who was still not relinquishing Sarah.

"I thought it would be good to discuss what we know and what our possible courses of action could be," Carlisle said from the head of the table.

Jasper nodded and started. "The wolves have given us permission to cross the boundary if they summon us, but only then."

Everyone around the table nodded.

"How?" Bella asked. Wolves didn't exactly carry phones.

Jasper grinned. "Three consecutive howls."

Rose snorted derisively. "What, no bat lamp?"

Emmett chuckled.

Bella felt her heart rate quicken. So much could go wrong with this, and they were making jokes. They were protecting her if anything happened.

"Everything will be fine," Edward whispered, leaning down. "We'll be careful."

She nodded, still uncertain, still not reassured. There were other details that flew above her, so preoccupied with the possibilities of too-close contact. What if Seth or Leah or Sam or—

"Bella?" Edward said softly, bringing her back to the present.

"You haven't said much," Carlisle said softly.

"No," she said, "I'm just worried about all of you . . . and the pack. I don't want anyone getting hurt."

"Please." Emmett snorted.

They seemed so outwardly nonchalant about it all that Bella wondered where the worry or caution had room to lurk and what mistakes had opportunity to sprout between it all.

"Esme and I will have a look around in Seattle this week and see if we can talk sense in to whoever is there," Carlisle said quietly.

"I'll go with you," Jasper said.

The others nodded, but Edward caught Bella's querying look. "There have been some suspicious deaths. We think there might be some of our kind who haven't been . . . well-trained."

"Why?" Bella asked.

It was Carlisle who answered. "The Volturi may investigate if the pattern grows. It would be best to avoid their involvement."

She'd heard enough about them to want to avoid their proximity at most costs. Not all, she thought, bringing Sarah closer to her.

With the business finished, the rest of the Cullens returned to their various activities, giving Edward and Bella space. Edward had flicked Carlisle away with his eyes, seeing his father's evaluative glance at Bella's tense muscles. He'd seen it too. "Not now," he mouthed at him, and Carlisle nodded, turning away.

She had a few hours yet before Charlie would be home, but Edward could see that the news had strained her. He worried, after the night before, about what might come of it.

"Do you want to go lie down for a bit and just be with Sarah?"

She nodded, exhaling, and started to walk in the direction of the guest room. Edward stopped her with a hand to her elbow, pointing upstairs.

"This way," he said. "We've rearranged things a bit."

When they arrived at what she realised was Edward's room, she stopped, momentarily confused. Dominating the space was a giant four poster bed. Larger than the one she'd used downstairs, its gold cover made it look like an outgrowth of the carpet. It overwhelmed both the space and her.

Vampires, her brain reminded her, don't need beds.

Not to sleep, anyway.

Bella hadn't missed the fact that all the other couples had beds in their rooms.

And they were not for sleeping.

Did he think—had he changed his mind?

The memory of last Saturday washed over her, resulting in a florid blush.

Did he expect—?

She swallowed, looking at the bed.

Edward was watching her, trying to gauge and understand her reaction. "Esme was missing her study, and you'd mentioned wanting to sleep with Sarah. I thought you might appreciate having more space for that."

Was that all the space was for? The bassinet stood by the bed, too.

She wasn't sure how to broach this with him, so she set Sarah down safely in the moses basket, and planted herself on the edge of the mattress. She tried not to tense when Edward did the same.

"This is one of those times when I really wish I could tell what you're thinking," he said, brushing his fingers over hers.

She cleared her throat, still feeling the colour in her cheeks. She forced herself to speak, her voice rough with nerves. "I was just wondering if there was more to this bed than just a place to sleep." The warmth in her cheeks spread.

"No," he said, smiling, shaking his head.

She nodded, and he could see her shoulders drop a tiny bit.

She was relieved, he realized. She'd been worried there was an expectation. "Bella," he said softly, "I don't know whether you realize how happy I am just to be able to be in your life, to hold your hand," and he squeezed her fingers, "to see you with Sarah. Everything else . . . is immaterial."

"You don't expect . . . more?" She looked at the bed and then him, still blushing.

The knife of guilt twisted into his own gut again. He hadn't forgiven himself for what he'd done a few days earlier, but he was beginning to wonder if something had happened while he was gone that she hadn't told him about. She'd been so . . . unrestrained before, and now . . . just hugging her felt like a risk sometimes.

"Can I ask," he began gently, "why this is so difficult to talk about? It wasn't . . . before." He had half turned to her, holding her hand in one of his, tracing her skin with his other fingers, enjoying the gentle and soft warmth there.

"I think I covered the gist of it on Saturday."

"Yes, but is that the only reason why?"

Her heart rate fluttered higher.

No, it wasn't, then.

She closed her eyes and told herself that it was better to put the ugly things in front of him now. If he was going to run away again, it would be easier if he did so sooner rather than later. "I told you about Jacob and me," she began, the flush in her cheeks freshening itself.

"Yes," he said.

"It was a bit of a sore point for him."

Edward made himself loosen his hands. He didn't trust them with the feeling building inside.

She took a deep breath in and then a shaky one out. "The last night I saw him, he . . . misinterpreted things." She shook her head. "He didn't realise right away that I didn't want to. It was a shock." The words started tumbling out faster. "I mean, he stopped when I told him to, but he was really angry . . . .I'd never seen him that angry—"

"I understand," Edward said, watching her. If he could be any whiter than his natural pallor, he would be. He'd—he couldn't put words what Jacob had done, but he softened his face for Bella's sake. "You're not just afraid of being . . . 'broken' with me, you're afraid I'll. . . ." and he stopped himself using the word 'force,' and said, "push you into something you don't want."

She nodded.

"No, never," he said, thinking about what he wanted to do to Jacob, dead or not.

She gave him a wan smile. "I never thought Jacob would either."

The man's betrayal had been complete, as had his own, Edward realized. He'd left. Edward wanted to take away all the hurt she was holding, and he had no idea how. "I don't expect anything, Bella."

"It didn't seem that way on Saturday," she said, looking down.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I shouldn't have done that, but let me clear. What I want and what I expect are two very different things."

"That's what Jacob said." She grimaced.

"I," he said, in a low growl, "am not Jacob Black."

"No," she said, abruptly wiping away the tears at her eyes, "you're the man who left me when I begged you not to."

She stood up, pulling her hand away and walking to the window, breathing heavily.

He didn't follow, not right away, giving her a moment. When he did, he kept his hands to himself. "I'm sorry, Bella, for hurting you, for giving you so much cause to distrust me."

"You've done lots of things right," she said huskily, "everything I've asked since you've returned. I'm sorry I can't be . . . what I was. I wish I could."

He shook his head, almost laughing, "You, apologizing to me for how you are because I hurt you," and here his voice grew dark, "because of how Jacob hurt you."

"You make him sound terrible. He wasn't."

Edward did not press his point.

"I love you," he said, reaching for her hand.

She took his hand, letting him pull them closer.

"I love you too," she managed.

His heart felt like it had swollen beyond itself.

"But I feel like I'm walking around with my heart in my throat, half waiting for you to be gone one minute or for you to realize that being with me is a mistake." She was looking up, trying to stop more tears. "I know you tell me you won't leave. It's just hard to believe." She shrugged.

Very slowly, so she had time to pull away if she wanted to, Edward brought his arms around her back. "No," he said, "I'm not leaving, and I'll be here, and I'll keep saying it until it's real." He tightened his arms, closing the gap, feeling the shake of her distress against him.

"I don't think you realize how amazing you are, Bella. Your strength—your resilience, they're incredible. And your heart, your bravery, they awe me every day."

Bella was breathing in his scent, remembering the first time he'd held her this way. The feelings now were much the same. Dangerous things—stirring. Had it always been this way? She'd caged herself up for so long, it was hard to tell. What she was more certain of was his bodily reaction. That was new . . . and new enough to be unnerving.

She pulled away, frowning in concentration but blushing too.

Edward blew out a breath, realizing what had broken the embrace.

"What changed?" she asked, still looking down.

He didn't have to ask what she meant.

"I thought you were dead, Bella." He let that hang there for a moment, willing her to understand the implications for him. "And when I found out you weren't, it changed me." He blew out another breath. "It changed me in a way I'd never anticipated." He reached out a hand to her cheek. He was relieved when she didn't pull away. "I used to be afraid that I would hurt you by accident, physically, that I would lose control or focus and harm you. I'm not now. My body won't allow it."

Her forehead wrinkled in confusion."

"The thought of you gone or hurt, it physically pains me," he said softly.

She pulled away.

"So," she said, and looked at the bed. "That is on the table, then."

"No," he said firmly, "not unless you want it to be."

She breathed out something that might be a laugh. "How ironic," she said.

"We've both changed," Edward said, his hand out, reaching for hers. She placed it there, and he led her back towards Sarah. They stood together, watching her.

"Would you like to go home?" he asked after a few minutes, "where there are fewer vampires and none with giant beds and potential expectations?" He said it lightly with a grin and was rewarded with one in return from Bella.

"Please," she said.


DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.