I spend the morning coming up with what I'm going to say, deciding what I'm going to bring up and wondering if I should write it all down so that I don't talk too much. By the time it's lunch, I'm as prepared as I can be.
"You go, Bon." Caroline cheers me on as I storm into the hall to look for him. "Show him who's boss."
I leave the girls and glare around the room, searching for Enzo. A few eyes divert away from me, worried that I'm looking for them. Good I think to myself. If my face has these people worried, I hope it will have Enzo worried too.
Enzo isn't in the cafeteria so I continue my search in other areas of the school. I can't find him anywhere. I'm about to give up when a thought comes into my head. The first place I met Enzo, after he got back, was outside of the building he was supposed to be in. I push the front doors of the school open and sure enough, Enzo is leaning against the wall.
He spots me and starts walking away. "Oh no, you don't!" I yell after him and grab his arm to stop him. I spin him around to face me. He raises his eyebrows at me, confused at my physicality.
"Bonnie, I have to go." He gestures to the football field. Did he make the team? I knew he was asking to try out.
"You're not leaving until you listen to what I have to say." I demand, taking Caroline's advice. He huffs in irritation but gestures for me to continue.
"Well then... speak." He folds his arms impatiently. This stuns next into silence for a few seconds. I forget everything I was supposed to say.
"You're being a dick!" I manage to say and he looks surprised at my outburst. I was supposed to be calm, collected and smart. I was supposed to make him feel like a dick, without actually calling him one.
"Look, Bonnie..." he rubs his hand through his hair.
"No, stop. I'm talking first." I demand and he nods and lets me proceed. "You have been sending some weird mixed signals, buddy." I cringe at my use of 'buddy'.
"One second, we're friends. The next second, you're ignoring me." I laugh humourlessly. "It's ridiculous."
"I know." He says and I'm stunned into silence again. I hadn't expected him to admit to it. Not that quickly.
"Right." I put my confident face back on. "So, you need to either be my friend or not. Because this switch is getting old." I shrug.
"Listen, Bonnie. I want to be your friend, I do. You have no idea how hard it's been." He leans back against the wall of the school building. "But we shouldn't be friends."
"Stop saying that, it means nothing to me!" I yell. "It means nothing, because you won't tell me why."
"It's not that simple." He shakes his head, racking his brain for an explanation he can give me. "There are things you don't know about me. Things I can't tell you, and I don't want to lie to you. So we just shouldn't talk."
I pause for a moment, contemplating whether to ask my next question. "Did something happen to you while you were missing?" I ask. I figure that he doesn't want to talk to me anyway, what's the harm in trying to get some answers.
He is silent for such a long time that I think the conversation is done. I'm about to turn and walk away, defeated. But then he speaks. "Yes."
I'm shocked. I hadn't expected that answer but at the same time, I had. The look on his face is heartbreaking, he looks in pain. Like he wants to tell me everything but can't bring himself to do it.
"You don't have to tell me anything, not until you're ready." I soften my voice a lot. I'm not angry anymore.
"What if I'm never ready?" Some irritation appears in his expression and I shrug.
"Then you don't trust me enough, and that's fine. We can still be friends though." I relax my posture and breathe out a long breath. The adrenaline that kept me angry is gone and I'm just tired now.
"I want to tell you everything." He says and I look into his eyes. I can see that he's telling the truth, that he wants to trust me. "But I'm afraid of your reaction."
"Don't be." I step towards him and put my hand on his arm. "When you're ready, you won't be afraid of my reaction. Because you'll see that I'll accept anything about you."
Suddenly, and unexpectedly, Enzo grabs my face in his hands and pulls my lips to his. We share a deep kiss. It's a hundred times better than I could have ever imagined it to be. I wrap my arms behind his neck and deepen the kiss even more. He pulls away and disappointment fills me. I wish it could have gone on forever.
"I have to go." He says and I sigh. He laughs and shakes his head. "I'm not going back to ignoring you, Bonnie. I have football try outs." He gestures to the field.
I nod, not trusting my voice to actually come out. He smiles softly, kisses my forehead and walks away from me. I stand perfectly still, also not trusting my legs to work anymore.
