A/N: The Next Chapter will be up in a few days! It will be another special!
RoseGold25: Another Claude Chapter is being considered... Possible present pov .Maybe. I'll have to see how it fits with my outline.
Thank you for reading!
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Chapter 6: Do You Remember?
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—where you're going has no place for me. If you had wished it so, I would have found a space. In any case that issue has passed, and in the morning I'll be waving my goodbyes. I can't believe you're really leaving. It feels like just yesterday I met you for the first time. Would you believe me if I said I feel as if I've known you forever?
I'm slipping this letter with your luggage, along with a box of my favorite things. I hope you can look back on your time here with as much fondness as I do. Once you are settled in back home, do give me a call! It would be great if we can keep in touch, I can even try to visit you in a few months. I have family in Fódlan, so I might be able to stay with them? I know Fódlan is big, but maybe we can meet in the middle? I'll make sure my number stays the same it's always been, and never forget:
Whatever you need, you can always call me.
— Claude
P.S: Know that wherever the stars may take you, there will always be a place for you beside me.
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She had to have read the letter a thousand times by now. He thought he was selfish? She covered her face with her hands. How long did he believe such a thing? Was it from the very beginning? She rolled over and buried her face into her pillow. Hoping to suffocate.
She thought back on the contents of the box, he'd given her nearly everything she'd used or things he had given her. His favorite things?
That was her seashell.
Bangles he'd let her wear…
Photos of her …
If his number was still the same after all this time…
She sat up so quickly she got dizzy. Blindly she reached for her phone and quickly opened up the keypad— she froze.
Would he really keep his number the same just for her? Did she even remember it? He'd asked both in person and in this letter for her to tell him when she got home. She'd done the exact opposite. If that wasn't a slap in the face to their friendship… Not to mention the texts she ignored before changing her number…
Dread bubbled inside her but she slowly input a number, then another, each number echoed in her head in time with her screaming heartbeat, until the full sequence stared back at her brightly.
Her finger hovered over the call button but she moved no further. How could she?
If he answered, what would she say? 'Hi sorry I blatantly ignored your attempts to reach out to me. I was running away from you because you were too nice?'
That sounded so stupid.
If he recognized her voice, what would he do?
Again , she wondered, what if he didn't?
"Stop being a coward Bala." She muttered with a scowl, but that's all she could do. Guilt tied her down so heavily it made her want to scream. He may have kept his number the same… but she hadn't. She took the first chance she could to change it, to start over. Start new. What if he tried to call her, only to be met with a dial tone?
She was a different person now. She'd been away from him longer than she'd known him. They were young, she realized that now. Twenty three felt so mature, but as she sat now on the cusp of her twenty-ninth year, huddled over language dictionaries beneath a sky of glowing plastic stars she realized now how foolish she had been. How foolish she still was. She had tried so hard to move forward, to swim through against the raging stream of life that she failed to realize the simple things.
He had opened up her eyes to a world of new things, shone her how easy life really could be. Tossed her a ring to hold on to, shared his boat with her— his life. Offered her his support through kind smiles, lazy smiles, gentle smiles. And she took it all in, thirsty for anything she could get her hands on. And when she had her fill, she tossed herself back in the stream to drown again, claiming independence, grasping for something she left behind. Chasing after something she didn't know she had no idea what it was.
Why didn't she keep in touch?
She looked back down at the phone and inhaled slowly. It was now or never, and she'd tried never, it didn't work.
Her phone rang. The sound startled her so much she almost dropped the small device. Like the hurried mess she was she scrambled to check the ID, for a moment— her heart stopped.
The screen read: Leth.
Deflating like a worn balloon she quickly pressed the answer key, what was she expecting?
"Hello?"
"Hi, Bala."
She sighed. "Hi."
Silence greeted her on the other end for a few moments. "What's wrong?" He asked her simply.
"Nothing." She covered her face with her hand. Of course he would know something was wrong. "How are you?" She asked in an attempt to distract him. But things like that rarely worked on her brother, that wouldn't stop her from trying of course. "How are things in Sreng?"
Something that sounded like dishes clanked around on his end. "Good, our program ended smoothly. Depending on how the paperwork goes through I might be able to head home sooner."
"Oh that's good." It would definitely be nice to have him home. "Don't rush though." She stuck her feet in her slippers and made her way downstairs.
"Mhm, and you? How have you been? Have you been able to settle smoothly enough?"
She walked into the kitchen and took out a bag of cookies, labeled by hand in Mercedes's looped cursive. "Yup. No hiccups."
More silence, followed by a sigh. "You're stressed." It was a statement, not a question, he always seemed to be able to tell with her. Then again, getting evicted was never a walk in the park. So he must assume she was lying.
"Ah, of course I am. I lost my place, Leth." She shoved some cookies in her mouth.
"So you lied?"
Annoyance jabbed her in the side. "What? About what?"
"Bala, you said there were no hiccups,clearly that's not the case."
She could hear someone whispering to him on his end every now and again, and for some reason that really irked her. "Leth, the retreat to my childhood room went dandy! I've been feeling—" She inhaled sharply.
Feeling pathetic, worthless. A failure.
He didn't deserve this, she was taking out her frustration on him for no reason. He'd called her to check in on her and she was grateful for it. "Just— be safe okay? I'll see you when you get home."
"…Alright, same for you. How's Dad?"
"He's…" She didn't want to tell him about his current state. How lately he's been smoking more than a chimney, how she hears him coughing so intensely at night she's afraid he might choke. "Chugging along." She did her best to sound casual, but the silence that followed told her that he wasn't on board.
"I see. Well, take care Bala. I'll see you soon enough."
"Okay, see you."
When she finally hung up the phone, her cheek was sweaty and a few strands of hair stuck to her face. She didn't know how long she stared at the wall, but when her Father's heavy footsteps announced his arrival to the room— she greeted him with a smile.
"Morning Dad."
"Mornin' Kiddo." He shuffled past her and poured himself some coffee. "Did you want any?" He asked over his shoulder.
"Sure."
He moved over to the table and set a mug down across from her.
She thanked him and moved the mug closer to her. "Have you heard from Leth? He just called me this morning, says he might come home early."
"Yeah, I talked to him last night. He said he's bringing a friend back with him. It's been too long since he's been home." He dug his hand in his pocket and pulled out a lighter.
She frowned deeply at him. Smoking in the house was something that he used to never do, but this new habit had started within the last few months of her being back home, and it just kept getting worse. At first she was just ignoring it, but now? It bothered her. More so than anything. Her frown only increased when she fully processed what her father had said. Her brother was bringing someone back with him? Why hadn't he mentioned it to her while she was on the phone with him?
Granted, she hadn't given him much of an opportunity to let him.
She sighed heavily and quickly went over the few people he would tell her about in passing, but she couldn't decide on who. Despite being twins, she hadn't talked much with him since they started their professional lives. They kept in touch, sure but not like she wanted to.
And ever since she moved back home, she was reaching out even less so.
"Who is he bringing?" She asked quietly.
He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply on it before answering. "One of his coworkers. She started the program with him last year. We should do something fun together when they get here."
She resisted the urge to cover her nose. "Oh…yeah, that will be fun."
"That reminds me. How about you Bala? That program you did— phew— is it running up on six years now? Do you still keep in touch with anyone?"
"Oh. No…I don't." She glanced back at her phone and hesitantly opened up the key pad again. The number was still there. Staring at her.
"Well that's a shame." He took another drag from his cigarette.
"There was someone though…"She sighed heavily and slouched back in her chair. "But, I stopped talking to them as soon as I got back home."
"Is there a specific reason?"
"Well, I don't really know…I guess…I was caught up in work?" She looked down at her phone and started backspacing the number. Who was she kidding? It wasn't a good idea, no matter how much she wanted to. Logically, this was a bad decision, wasn't it? She allowed her friends to stuff her with hope for something that just wouldn't be a good idea realistically.
"You weren't really close to them?"
She pursed her lips together when memories flooded her with exactly how close they had been. Too close.
"Not really…we were friends. Study partners." She lied. Or was it? It wasn't a lie, that much was true, but she could hardly see a scenario where telling her father she slept with said study partner— on a daily— was a good idea.
"It happens to all of us." Jeralt said with a sigh. "But, you have the girls. Speaking of, how are they doing?"
Pushing her phone back into her pocket she looked up at him with a shrug. "They're all doing alright. Hilda's been very adamant about getting everything ready for Dorothea's wedding and all that comes with it. I got my dress for the bachelorette party a few weeks ago, but I still don't have the dress for the wedding itself. You know, since I'm a bridesmaid." She rubbed her hand over her eyes. Despite not doing much the last few days, she was tired. Nothing seemed to give her energy lately, no matter how much coffee she drank.
"Eh, good luck with that, Bala. These events can get pretty hectic." He pressed the cigarette butt in the ashtray between them. "On that note, I haven't seen you in a dress since your head barely reached the table." He chuckled to himself. "You used to have the cutest bows in your hair…"
She smiled slightly, but on seeing the frown that took over his face she too lost her smile. She stopped wearing dresses and bows after her mother passed away.
Her mother whom she barely remembered.
Her mother whose delicate touch still haunted the walls of her childhood home.
They'd lost her so suddenly none of them were prepared for the fallout, and still nearly two decades later, the briefest mention of her still soured the room. More specifically, her father's mood.
She needed to change the topic, if not the weight of it all would crush her. But what could she possibly talk about?. She reached into the bag of cookies she'd been working on for some time only to find it empty.
Jeralt laughed shortly. "Wow, you sure finished those quickly. Did Mercedes make them?"
"Yeah. She did." Sighing heavily, she cumbled up the paper bag and tossed it into the bin that sat in the corner of the room.
"How's she doing? It's been awhile since I've seen her."
"She's alright. As sweet as always." Talking about her friends was usually a good escape, because topics surrounding their immediate family always ended with someone feeling choked. Whether it was known to the other person or not.
"She started seeing this guy that was visiting her shop daily. Can you believe that? I was skeptical at first but he seems really nice. I've been taking her to her dates actually. But lately she's been letting him pick her up."
"This guy went to her shop daily?"
She nodded. "Yeah, he spent a lot of money at her place. I guess he had a pretty rowdy teen life. Lucky for him it seems he's learned from it. Mercie can't stop talking about him, I'm happy she's happy." It was true. Mercedes had been through so much over the years that she'd known her. No one deserved to be happy more than Mercie, In her honest opinion. She deserved happiness in her life, especially when she spent so much of her free time giving back to others. Often receiving nothing in return.
She sat up in her chair, lifted by the conversation. "You know how Mercie likes to volunteer at her church?" Jeralt nodded and she continued, the smile reappearing on her face. "Well, somehow she convinced him to go with her for these events. I find it amusing because from what I know about him, at least about how he used to be, he wouldn't be caught dead doing things like that."
Jeralt scratched at his beard and leaned back in his chair. "I don't think she had to try very hard to convince him, Bala." His eyes settled on the book covered chair. "I don't know if you've ever experienced this, maybe you did at one point with your previous relationship, but love can make a person do just about anything."
Love? She bit the inside of her cheek. Did she ever say that to anyone she was in a relationship with?
"It can be simple." He exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. "Simple things are usually the most telling. Did you know your mother owned a flower shop before we got together?"
Her heart skipped and she looked up at him quickly. He never volunteered information like this, but then again, she was always too afraid to ask. "I didn't" She whispered, scared she'd stop him from continuing.
To her relief he continued, and he said more about her than he had for as long as he could remember. "I used to go there everyday just to see her…Can you believe it took me weeks to even get the courage to say something to her? Besides what was necessary for the flower I bought every time."
"You must have spent a lot of money on flowers, huh?" She hadn't expected the conversation to veer in this direction, but she supposed this was one of those times where talking about her friends brought up something else.
"That I did." He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "The flowers always died pretty quickly. I was always so terrible at taking care of them. But when she finally did agree to go out with me, I took her to the best places I could afford. Imagine my surprise when the first place she asked me to go to with her was an animal shelter."
Her eyebrows rose. Based on what she could remember, her mother was sweet. Though she never put much thought into that, she was her mother, wasn't she supposed to care about her children? But the story her father was telling echoed many similarities to her friend, and Mercie was as sweet and kind as anyone could be.
"She also hated being cold. I always made sure I warmed the car up before she got in it during the winter." He laughed and sat up to look at her, a twinkle in his eye was present. One she couldn't even remember seeing. "Oh, but the summer was the worst. We always drove around without the air on. I think she wanted to air fry me."
I always turn the air on for you!
She felt color fill her cheeks, why would she remember that of all things? Though it was a conversation they had often, because she so liked to tease him so they often bickered over it. But that was just a normal reaction between friends, right?
"She loved to cook too, she was so good at it. I became her un-official taste tester."
"Did you ever taste anything bad that she made?" She asked in an attempt to keep the conversation going, but at the same time her heart started to pound faster and her head started to pulse. Why was she feeling so uneasy?
"No, never. There were some things I liked less than others, but if she made it I ate it." He examined his knuckles for a moment and turned his gaze off to the side.
"Did you have a favorite food?" It was an easy question, and though she wanted to know more about her mother, she also wanted the conversation to recede back into safer waters. Because for some reason, it was getting harder to breathe.
"A preference maybe, but you know this already."
"Ah, anything with meat?" She asked, forcing her voice to sound light.
He nodded slowly. "Yeah, but you know I love to fish… Whenever I caught something good, well she would always make it better."
Now would be a good opportunity to change the subject. She could ask about what he wanted for lunch, if she should pick up something from the store.
"Do you remember…If there is anything specific you miss about her the most?" She found herself asking quietly. A part of her hoped he hadn't heard the question. Was it rude to ask something like that? Her mother wasn't with them anymore. She was never coming back, this whole conversation was just adding logs into the fire, wasn't it?
Yet, she was her mother. She deserved to know these things, didn't she?
Jeralt took a deep breath and rubbed his hand over his face. "There isn't just one thing Bala… It's hard to pick, I could go on forever. I miss the food she used to cook for me, the sound of her laughter, the brilliant way her face would light up when she smiled. Her eyes, and all the colors I could find in them. Even her voice, she loved to sing, and even when she wasn't, she treated her words like they were a song."
Her heart was probably going to burst from her chest, she knew how much her father loved her mother, but she never heard him talk about her like that before.
Why did it hit so close to home?
And why was she feeling light headed?
Did she actually—
