When I woke up, I was next to that stupid campfire again.
Everything was set up the same as last time. The world around me was still darker than the bottom of the ocean. Seemed like the only light around came from the fireplace, and the only sound was the wood cracking and snapping apart.
Ugh… last time I ended up here was after that jackass with a sword tried to crack my head open. Is this going to happen every time I nearly get killed? Because I've already got enough incentive to avoid that. Getting hurt isn't high on my priority list. Even if I manage to end up in the hospital more than I'd like.
What even… the last thing I saw was when I destroyed the staff. Something in my head just… told me to break it.
I don't even know why. I don't even know what it did.
All I know is that I'm stuck in purgatory again.
On the opposite side of the fire is the little girl again. Same dress, same hair, same fear as last time. She noticed me regain consciousness, her head tilting over to try and get a better look at me. Soon as we locked eyes, she buried her head back into her lap.
Well, at least bizzaro me isn't-
"Welcome back, Ice Queen." She calls, her voice rattling in my head.
-Why the hell do I even bother.
I can feel the wisps of smoke curl around the back of my neck as she shows up again, feels like a bony hand wrapping itself around. The clunk of her steel boots echoes loud and fierce, taking control of the whole scene. Immediately I see the other girl scoots herself back and away from the fire, out of sight and shrouded in the dark.
My duplicate takes her place, sitting at the head of the fire pit. She pokes the logs with a stick, no idea where she got that, before speaking up again.
"So, you saved the world again. Hooray." She says in the most sarcastic way possible. "Could you try and not get us killed whenever you do that?""
"Like you could do better." I answer, stretching my legs out and leaning back on the palms of my hands.
"I am you. How many times do I need to repeat this?" She tells me, like she's explaining basic mathematics to a child.
"Enough for me to accept the fact that I'm probably completely crazy."
"Well, if the shoe fits…" She starts, breaking into a cackle as my face twists in anger. By the Gods, I was an insufferable little witch. How did everyone else tolerate this all the time?
When she's done enjoying herself, she looks back at me with a Cheshire grin. "Sorry, guess that means we're nuts."
"I am not OK with how OK you are with that." I protest through grit teeth. The last time we were here, she was hurling insults and taunts my way like things were going outta style.
"How OK we're OK with-"
I cut her off before she can finish, very quickly reaching my peak with her nonsense. "If you say you're me one more time, I'm going to clock you so bad you'll think Inigo is handsome."
"He's pretty cute." My body double admits, which makes me immediately wretch. If there was anything, anything at all that was in my stomach, it would've spilled out onto the colorless floor I sat on. An act that only makes her howl with laughter even more, much to my ever growing dismay.
It's so annoying how she's able to so effortlessly chip away at my defenses. One conversation, one phrase, one sentence and I'm on the backfoot with this… THING. And I can't do a damn thing about it. She knows everything about me. All my fears, all my failures, all my lost chances. All of it, made manifest and mirrored in front of me.
All the while, someone's holding me in place, so I have no choice but to look.
This is hell. And if it isn't, this is what my hell will be.
"Have I ever mentioned how much I utterly despise you?" I hiss over once I gather my bearings.
"Yeah, yeah. Everyone is very well aware of just how much you hate yourself at this point." The mirror tells me, casually waving me off before she goes back to tending the fire with that ghost-stick. "Honestly, I'm surprised we never tried to k-"
"Don't." The child says, or well, begs. Her tone isn't demanding or commanding, it's like she's pleading to her. To us.
"W-why do you two always f-fight…?" The kid asks, slowly crawling her way over. Her silver hair shines even brighter in the fire's aura, like the sun's glinting off her scalp.
"Why do you always run your mouth?" My mirror demands, moving her stick and jabbing it over at the kid as she freezes up. The end of the wood's smoldering orange, like a cattle iron. Something that'd leave a nasty mark on anyone.
My temper flares up just like the wood, my sword draws itself as I stand back up. "Don't you dare touch her."
My mirror looks back to me, very unimpressed. She releases a low snort, then disappears in a puff of smoke. Vanishes, just like last time. All that's left is me, the kid, and the fire. I look back over to the girl, my sword hanging heavily in my hand now. She's moved back over to the pit, sitting with her knees close to her chest again. Her pale skin almost makes her seem translucent in direct light.
"...She might not like me, but she really hates you." I observe, sheathing my blade. Insults or not, I'm able to hold a conversation with the wackjob. One word out of the kid and it goes totally mental.
A nod is my only response, her purple eyes focusing on only the flame. It's her whole world, whenever she doesn't have to deal with me or the freakshow. "Wh-why do you always s-stick up for me?"
I walk back over to her and sit down, trying to smile as best I can. "It's the right thing to do, isn't it?"
She looks up at me, eyes as wide as kickballs, before leaning up against my side. She's cold to the touch, like I'm leaning against a pile of snow. Way, way too chilly for someone living.
"Th-that's n-not the only reason…" She says, nestling in even closer. I wrap an arm over her shoulders, giving her some shelter. The fire's warmth keeps a blanket over us both, balancing out how chilly this child feels.
"Y-you always feel like you have to make up for it…" The girl finishes, leaning further into my embrace. As we sit there, her motions become softer and slower. Looking down, I see her eyes are closed and she's finally drifted away to sleep.
She's not wrong. I do still need to make it right.
Valla was the weirdest place I'd ever stepped foot in.
Gravity didn't seem to follow any rules. Floating islands of rock and forest would hover around with no rhyme or reason. Every few miles there'd be some massive crevice we'd need to either go around or find some way over. From edge to edge, mile to mile. It was surreal, something none of us thought possible.
Mind you, I didn't even want to be down in that crazy place. When Corrin told us that we needed to jump into the bottomless canyon so we could reach Valla, I refused. Like, two hours before I'd just gotten engaged, and now she's asking me to take a head-dive off a cliff? No thank you.
Not that I had a choice. Inigo and Owain grabbed both of my arms and dragged me to the bridge. The three of us made the 'leap' together, screaming for our mothers the whole way down.
I still need to clock them both for that.
But once we reached Valla, we stayed there for a long time. A long time. For a while, I didn't think we'd ever made it out. Some of us forgot what the real world even looked like. When we returned to the surface, after Anakos was offed, we'd only been gone for three days.
For us, it had been three whole years.
I want you to picture that in your mind. Three years of nothing but constant conflict. Trudging through land none of us knew how to navigate. Having to fight through entire armies of Vallities. Finding random survivors dotted across the landscape, not knowing how long it had been or who they even were anymore. We'd have to go back and forth from the Astral Plain, hiding out in the castle whenever things got too thick. Then we'd pop out and start all over again, trying to find Anakos and just end this whole stupid war.
A lot of things happened. Things that… none of us expected. One of them was that I got pregnant.
I wasn't the only one. Every couple in Corrin's army had at least one child. But when more and more of us started having children, things started to get complicated. And dangerous.
The Astral Plain wasn't completely safe from the Vallites. It wasn't common, but they'd mount invasions of the castle. Everytime they did it, we beat them back by the skin of our teeth. Even when we built new walls, new defenses and set up more guards, it was too close for comfort. Especially with our families at risk.
So, Corrin called a meeting in the castle keep. The parents, five couples at that point, came to hear Lilith's proposal.
We'd used the Deeprealms before, it was where us moms carried our children to term. Pockets of space away from us, not easily found by Vallites. But now, Lilith was proposing we settled our children permanently there. The time acceleration was supposed to be milder, we expected it only to be only a bit faster than our world. But it still meant we'd be separated from our children for the rest of the war, and none of us knew how long that would be.
Needless to say, it did not go over well.
"Absolutely NOT!" Hinoka roared, stomping over towards an extremely terrified Lilith. The stable-girl took immediate shelter behind her half-sister, Corrin acting as a fence between the both of them.
Corrin lifted a hand, face strained with conflict. "Hinoka, I know it's a bit extreme-"
"Are you kidding me, Corrin!? She wants me to throw my son into another dimension!" The sky knight continued to barrage, murderous intent clear behind her eyes. Open hostility was brewing, not just from the princess, but some of the other parents as well.
Lillith continued to hover behind her older sibling, clutching onto the fabric of Corrin's shirt for dear life. Corrin held her ground, glaring back towards her step-sister. Which was quite a feet, standing toe to toe with someone like Hinoka.
"Sit back down. We aren't doing anything yet." Corrin ordered, not having any of it. She looked ready to throw her back into her chair.
Hinoka stood there, hands opening and closing over and over again as she tried to work her emotions out. It wasn't until Leo came and took hold of her that she left, both of them returning to their seats in burning silence.
Once the floor was cleared, Corrin spoke up again. "I've spoken with Lilith at length about this. Each of these deeprealms is in a space far enough away that the Vallites shouldn't be able to track anyone."
"And we're supposed to take this at face value?" Saizo asked, his tone gruff and disbelieving. Hoshidan ninja never trust easy, but him, I'm not sure he ever trusted anyone. "How will our children be cared for in our absence?"
"We have servants loyal to our families here. They can stand guard while we end this conflict." Ryoma informed from the far wall. The High Prince had been extremely quiet during this whole affair. "Lilith has already scouted several deeprealms for use, and she assures me that it is the safest course of action."
Saizo watched on, not responding. I could sense he felt betrayed, his Lord had made preparations for this without any warning. But the look he held was the most conflicted I'd ever seen him. Beruka sat next to him, eyes down as she held Asugi in her arms. The entire time, her eyes were covered by her bangs. Her hands were shaking, keeping her infant son close and never wanting to let go.
"Seems like you've already made the decision for us." Flora observed, face creased with a frown. Wisps of ice danced around her feet, glazing over the floorboards she stood on. Even Corrin's more loyal retainers were breaking rank. Considering the topic, no one was surprised.
The room remained quiet, all of the parents speaking with hush whispers between one another. Subaki was pensive, stroking his chin as he calculated what the best course of action was. I did the same, my brain remembering the last time the castle was assaulted. If I was really willing to risk Caeldori's safety here.
"I know that this is a hard choice. But we're at a crossroads." Corrin explained, trying to not buckle under the weight of the atmosphere. We'd already thrown in so much behind her, now she was asking for even more. "I understand that you're all skeptical. I would be too, if I hadn't seen these worlds as well. But what Lilith said is true, the Deeprealms are perfectly safe. Some of them even have villages and towns there, and the locals never mentioned anything about attacks."
The murmurs got louder, for sure. Still. no one seemed like they wanted to budge on the issue. This wasn't just a matter of safety, it was… abandonment. If we agreed to this, we'd be stowing Caeldori far away. A place we'd rarely get to visit. If something happened, we wouldn't be able to help.
If something happened to us… I'd be dooming my daughter to the same childhood I had. 'Fighting for what matters' is cheap talk when all you've got left is a piece of jewelry and a cartload of regrets.
"We'll do it." A voice commented. All of us swiveled to see Inigo standing on his feet. His whole demeanor was steely serious, reminded me of his father. Not like the flirtatious manchild I'd grown up with. But I guess that's what being married with kids does to you.
"Lazlow, are you sure about this?" I asked him. "You know what you're agreeing too, right?"
"The irony of this situation is not lost on me at all, Selena." He observed. Dry humor and regret slipping through as he walked towards the stage.
"We know this base is not safe. Even if it was, it isn't a proper place to raise a child regardless." He waxed on, resting his hand on the pommel of his sword. "Keeping babies around swords and soldiers seems rather irresponsible, no?"
"One could argue having them in the first place was irresponsible." Jakob commented, getting a well earned elbow to the gut from Flora. He took it like a champ, but I'm not sure the quip was worth pissing off his wife.
Inigo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Regardless, this is the best path for our children. It very well may be the only chance they'll have at a normal childhood. That and winning this war as soon as we can."
"We will win this fight." Corrin assured, stepping down so she stood next to my childhood friend. The Princess pointed over towards Ryoma. "But now, each of us has new priorities. Ryoma's son is the heir to Hoshido, his life matters more than mine as far as I see it. And Hinoka…"
Her gaze shifted to her step-sister once again. Hinoka's temperament was still on edge, ready to pop at the slightest agitation.
Corrin sighed, but didn't stop. "Forrest is the first prince from both royal families. He's the embodiment of why we're all here. Do you think I'd put my own nephew's life at risk?"
"I don't see you volunteering Sophie for this trip." Hinoka pointed out.
"Because Sophie's already gone." Corrin revealed, visibly knocking Hinoka's bluster loose. It made everyone reel back, knowing that she'd already sent her own daughter down this path. Everyone knew how much Corrin and Silas doted on their kid. If they were willing to do this, then they had no doubts it was the right choice.
Corrin kept prothesizing for a while longer. She explained the infrastructure of the plan, and how we would be able to visit these worlds when we had time. The mood of the discussion remained lukewarm, no one else volunteering their faith for Corrin's plan. In the end, we agreed to reconvene at the end of the week for a final decision.
As Subaki and I left to head back to the barracks, we saw Saizo and Beruka chattering at each other. From what we could tell, it wasn't a happy discussion. They were doing that weird whisper-yell thing people do when they're failing to avoid causing a scene.
Didn't last long. Saizo disappeared in a flash, their son in his arms. Beruka stood in place, stoically walking away. My husband and I shared a look, before I followed her.
"Beruka. Beruka!" I called over, picking up my pace so I could reach her. My ex-assassin turned partner held her tracks, looking over her shoulder at me as I closed the gap. When I did close that gap, she gave me the usual blank emotionless stare.
Remember what I said before, about Beruka not having a soul? I was joking, but I also kind of wasn't. Before we jumped down this rabbit hole, she didn't really know how to be a normal person. Over time, I saw her get better. She started to make friends, express herself, even crack a joke once in a while. Even if they weren't that good.
Thanks to Camilla, Saizo and myself. Well, mostly me. I tend to have a big impact on people. What can I say? It's a gift.
"So, stuffy meeting, right?" I ask, tossing one of my tails behind me. "Gawds, I thought she was going to talk forever."
"Lady Corrin said we could leave at any time." Beruka pointed out, not reading me.
I snorted, rolling my eyes. "Well, yeah. But she probably just said that to say it, y'know? Imagine how it would've looked if someone walked out. Complete faux-pas."
Beruka narrowed her eyes. "Are you calling Lady Corrin a liar?" She asked, unimpressed.
"What? Psh, no. That's silly." I quickly denied. "I'm just saying, there's a way you have to handle things."
"So we are to do the opposite of what we are allowed." She observes, cementing her disbelief. "That seems very counterproductive."
This is what I had to deal with for five years. A partner with about as much social sense as a log. Twice as dense, too.
I groaned, feeling my eyes roll into the back of my skull, before I noticed that Beruka was once again taking her leave. Not having found out what happened, I quickly beat feet and caught up with her again.
"Soooooo…" I probed. "Are you and him alright."
"No. We had a fight."
"Lemmie guess, about Asugi." I asked, she nodded in response. "Figured. He doesn't want to send him?" Another nod, this one smaller. I could hear the steel over her fingers scrape together as she made a fist.
I looked up towards the castle's ramparts, a few guards were making their last patrol before dusk. Subaki had agreed to the idea rather quickly. I was hesitant, but he'd managed to convince me without much pushback. Because as much as I didn't want to leave Caeldori, I wasn't going to risk her dying over sentimental fluff.
The conflict was between my head and my heart. My head knew that having her around was a risk. My heart told me that I was just repeating my mother's mistakes. It was soul wrenching, even if I wasn't showing it.
It was at that moment, it finally hit me. This is what it must have felt like for both of my parents. Especially Mother.
Going out, every day. Fighting from sunrise to sunset, all to keep Morgan and I happy. Every time she left, she made sure to say goodbye to us. Now I knew how much it must have hurt her. Knowing that one day, one wrong move, she'd never be able to see us again.
...When that day came for her, it must have been a nightmare come to life. Just like this.
"...I hate this. I hate being afraid." Beruka says, pulling me out of my self-reflection. "How have you managed this for so long?"
There's nothing I could do for her. Both of us were trapped in an impossible situation. In the middle of nowhere, trying to protect toddlers while also invading another country.
So, I told her the only thing that could come to mind.
"You get used to it." I told her, lying like usual.
The darkness broke apart, and I was welcomed by stone walls and ceilings. Beneath me, I felt soft cloth and cushions. Sunlight beamed through the windows, lighting up the small room. A small vase of flowers was next to my head, along with a stack of tomes. The air smelled clean, no dirt or dust. Certainly nothing like the battlefield I'd gotten used to.
Great, I'm back at the castle. Which means I was knocked out for at least a few days.
I prop myself up, groaning from the effort. Sweep my head back and forth, trying to see if the kid or my double is around. Keep quiet, waiting for one my less half to start talking again. Thankfully, she keeps her mouth shut.
I really need to find a way to stop this. I might not be a cleric, but I'm fairly certain 'seeing people in your head' isn't good for my mental state. Neither is hearing voices in my head, but full on hallucinations are leagues worse.
What was I even doing…
Oh, right. That stupid staff. Because of course, lighting my hand on fire and pressing it against the orb was such an amazing idea. What the hell was I thinking? I'm lucky there wasn't some kind of explosion that turned me into mist.
It's at that moment I decide to look at the arm in question, before realizing it's covered in gauze. All the way from my hand to my elbow. A lot of bandaging, actually. Makes it look like I've been mummified.
I start to twist my arm and wrist, trying to see what's the matter.
Which is when I notice, I can't feel my arm.
I can move my arm. Twist it around, clench and unclench a fist. But I can't feel anything that comes from it. Not the bandages, not the force, not the air around it. Even when I slap it against the mattress, nothing. It's like it's not even there. I can still feel stuff with my the rest of my body fine!
So, I start panicking. And in my panic, I start tearing all of the wraps off. I throw the white fabric every which way, it lands on the bed and the floors. Like I'm opening up a Yuletide present, except it's part of my body.
It takes a bit, like I said there's a lot of gauze. But as I dig further and further down, some weird ooze starts to seep out. It's thick and yellow, like someone made a paste out of lemons. But then, when it's all gone, I scrape off this gunk and I see what's underneath.
...My entire arm is charred. Top to bottom, the skin looks like burned bark. The only other color left is my brand, purple as ever, burning against the back of my right hand.
The last thing I did was scream like hell before passing out all over again.
A/N: Shorter chapter than my usual, also very filler. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled Homecoming next installation.
Good news is, thanks to this God forsaken virus, my Uni cancelled all of my classes. So more updates inbound. Yay...? Look for silver linings where possible, that's my motto.
Before I end this chapter's notes, one last thing:
For those of you interested in a good Awakening novelization, featuring the Robin x Cordelia pairing, you're in luck. 'Fire Emblem Awakening: Purpose' is just that. 142K words long, still getting updated, and an amazing page-turner. Easily one of the best fics I have ever read in this section. Even if you don't care about the pairing, the story alone is great. Does an amazing job of building up the friendships between each member of the Shepherds, along with flushing out the lore of Awakening and making the game feel like a real book. I cannot recommend it enough, and if you follow my work, you sure as heck should follow this story. Don't miss out.
It's under my favorites in my profile, click the link and have a blast.
Until next time
o/
