Once those words were uttered, Eren was never the same.
It was as if the boy shut down, and yet didn't. The words penetrated his ears, but he didn't process them. It was just so horrific, that his mind just chose to deny what was being said. So when the representative of Lafayette sad that Levi was dead, that when they had found him, his expression had been oddly peaceful and happy, his response was to laugh.
"Yeah sure," he said, as he turned around and started leaving the room. "Levi wouldn't leave me. We made a promise."
Mikasa's mouth fell open as she gazed at him. "Eren"-
"This guy is full of shit," his words echoed. "Levi wouldn't abandon me. He promised."
Nothing anyone said made any difference. He would let anyone invade his fantasy world where Levi would be coming home and waiting for him in just a few short months. What did they know anyway? They were crazy! The whole world had been against them from the beginning, and this was just another plot to drive them apart. Well, it wasn't going to work. The justice system had already taken Levi away from him once, and he refused to believe their lies. He promised to be loyal, and loyal he'd stay. Other people might give up on Levi coming home, but not Eren. Never Eren.
Besides, why would Levi pass away just a few short months before he was supposed to get out of prison?
Eren heard something about how it would take a while before his body would be released back home, and that they could use that time to prepare for a funeral. Again, Eren paid it no mind. Time continued to roll on, and Levi was due to come home soon. That was all that mattered.
When the day finally came, Eren ascended the hill with all of his dogs, his bags packed, as well as some bags full of Levi's things. His heart leapt with excitement, because this was it. This was the day when their lives would begin, and he had been dreaming out it ever since Levi had left. So, with the dogs happily frolicking around him, he stood at the very top of the hill, underneath the tree, looking out over the land. The sun of late spring was warm on his face, and he felt like he was literally on top of the world. He raised his head, feeling like a prince waiting for his bride to come running into his arms. He touched Levi's ring around his neck, and felt the weight of Levi's watch in his pocket. He couldn't wait to give them back to him, to see the overjoyed look on his face.
Today, the hero was going to win and the darkness in their lives was going to be defeated, as it should be.
So, Eren waited. And waited. And kept waiting, even as the sun began to set. He waited until it sunk over the horizon and the fireflies popped up and started blinking in the grass. He waited until the dogs fell asleep all around him and his bags grew heavy on his back. But still Levi never showed up. He never came running out of the woods. It wasn't like his dream, where all he had to do was wave and Levi came flying up the hill towards him, leaping into his arms. But why? What had happened to him? Nothing would have kept Levi away from him, nothing in the world.
Wait…unless….
Maybe they hadn't won against the villains in their lives yet after all. Maybe they had done something to Levi, something else to keep them apart. Of course…the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Since he didn't know where Levi was now, he was just going to have to be patient and wait for him to come home. It was okay. He had waited for this long. He could wait a little longer. After all, hadn't the Levi in his dream say he would wait for him as long as he had to?
With that thought in mind, he went home, acting as if nothing had happened. But of course, everyone had noticed when he left. When Emma asked where he had been, it was as if something in Eren's mind had fractured, and he no longer cared about putting up the façade of him being Levi's victim. All that mattered was that they were going to be reunited.
So, he answered, "I was waiting for Levi. He and I were going someplace special…but he didn't show up. So I'll just keep waiting for him, I guess."
Emma just had no idea what to even make of such an answer. She stared at him uncomprehending, and explained, "He hurt you though…besides, he's gone, remember?"
He snorted, "Levi never hurt me. He just said that in court so that I'd be able to go free and he'd take my punishment for me. Really I don't deserve him. And he's not dead. The villains just got him. He's my prince, and I'm his knight. I'll just have to wait for him, or I'll go and rescue him myself."
Well, after that conversation, she had gone straight to Mikasa, voicing her concerns. To her surprise though, she just received a long sigh in response.
"This was how our mother started off too, when stress started getting to her," she said to the other girl. "She started denying reality and living in her own fantasy world. I guess that the real world started becoming too much for both of them, so like her, he's making his own little world. No matter what we say, he believes what he believes absolutely."
Worriedly, Emma asked, "Well then, maybe we should have him committed? Perhaps they can help him there."
"No," Mikasa said immediately. "I…I'm not letting him suffer the same fate as our mother. He's been here for this long, and I've taken care of him just fine. I can keep taking care of him. Our father doesn't have to know about it either, okay? I'd appreciate your help, if you can give it."
Emma hesitated. "I'm- I'm not sure. I didn't really sign up for this. I can try, but I don't know how much help I'll be. It's disturbing, the things he says. Things like Levi lied in court, that he's waiting for him to come back and everything. He sounds like a wife waiting for his husband to come home from the war."
Mikasa bit her lip, avoiding her gaze. The anxiety was rising within her, even more so when Emma scrutinized her more closely, and asked, "Mikasa? Is there something you're not telling me?"
Eventually, she sighed, her shoulders rising and falling with the motion. Well, she figured Levi was dead and gone anyway. What was the point in hiding the information anymore? "Eren and Levi were in love. Still are, I guess. They met long before he met you. When he heard the news about Levi's death, I suppose he just shut down and doesn't believe he's really gone…"
On and on she went, spilling the whole story. It was almost a relief to finally tell someone else this. However, she found she didn't care if Emma believed her or not, or whether or not the news caused her to leave their family for good. She was tired of seeing Eren suffer, and she knew, especially since now his mind was beginning to go down that spiral that their mother's did, that there was no way they could change Eren. They couldn't control who he loved, and couldn't make him love someone else because society said he should. They tried, and now the stress was breaking him.
So, after she finished explaining, she said, "I don't expect you to believe me, but it's true. No matter what happens from here on out, I'm going to stand by Eren's side. I want to try and help Eren in ways that I was never able to help our mother, and I'm going to do it with or without you and our father."
She only got a glimpse of Emma's shocked face, before she left the room, determined to find Eren. She found him still in his room, petting Prince, who had hopped up on the bed. He seemed to sense something was wrong, because he wouldn't stop licking the boy's face, and remained firmly seated in his lap. Mikasa sat beside him on the bed, and before she could say anything, she saw that he was looking at a picture around the insistent Prince.
The picture was of Eren and Levi, Levi sitting on Eren's lap, arms around his neck. Well, if there was any doubt that they were at least close, then here was the photographic evidence. She remembered when Eren had gotten this picture back. It was after the trial was over. His friend Reiner, who had managed to pay his way out of the court system, had dropped it off to him. He had taken off his hat in sympathy as he had handed him the photograph.
"He'll be out soon, don't you worry," Reiner had reassured him. "Until then, you can look at that as much as you want. At least you have something so you don't forget what his face looks like."
That was true. The picture was already crinkled from Eren holding it and staring at it so much. Even just a year without him, his memory was beginning to fail him as to what exactly Levi looked like, and he was ashamed of himself. This picture helped him to remember exactly what he looked like, and though they weren't smiling in the picture, it was a reminder of how happy they had been during that moment. And it was wonderful to see their rings shining on their chests, a physical representation of their commitment to each other.
"I told Emma about you and Levi," Mikasa admitted. "I'm sorry…I just couldn't keep it in anymore. And I figured she deserved to know. Even if she tells anyone, I guess it doesn't matter. Levi is dead, so he can't be hurt by this anymore."
"He's not dead," Eren insisted. "I already told Emma that the villains got him. He's going to come back. If I have to rescue him, I will, since I'm his hero."
"Eren, he is dead"-
"No he's not!"
Mikasa just shook her head. She was getting tired of this. From the way he was glaring at her, it was clear there was no way she was going to convince him of reality. This might be one of those cases where he wouldn't believe them until he saw Levi's body for himself. So, they would just have to wait until the prison brought him home for the funeral.
Just a couple weeks later, Levi's body was delivered home, straight to the funeral home. During that time, Emma came to accept Eren's love for Levi, though she didn't understand it. She decided that whether it was real or a product of Eren's fractured mind, there was no getting it out of his head. So, she was going to have to live with it, even if she felt a bit jealous and devalued because of it. She knew that Eren was just as much of a victim of circumstance as she was, and that it wasn't his decision to marry her. So, as a result, she began to feel angrier at Grisha, for trying to change his child into someone he wasn't.
However, Eren was not allowed to attend Levi's funeral.
As far as anyone knew, he was a victim of Levi's, so it would have looked strange if he had shown up. And in fact, he heard that no one showed up to Levi's funeral, since as far as everyone knew, he was a despicable criminal. However, that wasn't the only reason no one showed up, and it went back to what happened to Thomas. No one wanted to be associated with a known mollie in case they were accused of being a mollie themselves. Even Hanji stayed away, as much as it killed her to do so. But she had only escaped being part of the trial that ended up sending Levi to jail by luck, and she didn't want to push it. Therefore, Mikasa was forced to handle most of the work because as far as anyone knew, she was his only family around. Normally, she would have passed this job off to someone else, asked Eren to handle it. But of course, there was no way he could. So, she took on the burden. Anything for her brother.
Mikasa had Levi embalmed by some of the best undertakers around, wanting to preserve him the best she could. She figured that this was what Eren would have wanted. She also had him placed in an above ground mausoleum so that he wouldn't rot in the ground, but stay preserved above ground, looking forever the same as he did the last time Eren saw him.
So, Levi's friends didn't visit him until after he was gone and buried, too afraid to do so beforehand. By doing so afterwards, they could visit him in secret and leave as many flowers and gifts at his graveside as they could to let him know that he wasn't forgotten. His name wasn't placed on the outside of his grave either, just in case someone tried to vandalize it. When Hanji came back from visiting for the first time, she assured Eren that the grave was lovely, and he would approve of it wholeheartedly.
Eren had simply insisted that Levi wasn't dead, and the villains had just relinquished him because his sister had beaten them. His only regret had been that he hadn't been braver, and he wished he could have been the one to save Levi instead of his sister.
But the boy waited until things quieted down to finally visit Levi, picking a seasonably warm day so that he could walk down to the cemetery. It was the same cemetery that his mother and Levi's parents were buried in, and while this was a nice place, he found it odd that the older man had decided to wait for him here instead of the hilltop they had agreed on. Why change the location without telling him? Well, no matter. He knew where he was now, and it was time to pick him up. He figured they had waited long enough.
Levi's mausoleum was tucked into a grove in the cemetery, away from the others. It looked like a golden and white gazebo, standing taller and more magnificent than any of the others. It was tucked in next to a willow tree, the long, wispy branches, gently touching the roof. It looked so peaceful, sitting here. Eren was a little jealous.
"Nice place, Levi," the boy said aloud. "Look at you, getting your own house like this. Couldn't wait for ours to be finished, huh?"
He took his key and turned it in the lock of the door, letting himself in, before shutting the door behind him. The inside wasn't that spacious, truthfully, but for a mausoleum, he supposed it was. A casket sat in the middle, while there were a few shelves on the walls, perhaps spaces to put things if the family wished. Eren looked around, concerned.
"Well first thing is first, you're going to need some candles in here," he said. "Since I know you hate the dark. We have to lighten it up in here for you. And oh, I next time I can bring a birdfeeder. That way we can watch the birds together. Maybe I can put some plants around the outside, and inside too. You need some greenery in here."
But he had a feeling Levi wasn't getting any of this. That's right, he hadn't seen him since he had been sent away to jail. What had the villains done to him? He looked at the coffin in the center of the room. Only one way to find out. So he went over to it and, with a grunt of effort, opened it.
And there was his Levi, just as he remembered, but so still. He was still very beautiful, but his cheeks and lips were pale. His eyes were closed, and his dark lashes sat atop his cheeks. He looked like he was a in a very deep sleep.
Oh no. Those villains at the jail must have put him under a spell, just like Snow White's, or Aurora's. Had they poisoned him? Had it been a cursed spindle, like in the story? Eren fell to his knees beside the coffin, holding onto the edge, devastated. But why put him to sleep like this? What had he done wrong? Had he angered a witch in there? And more importantly, how did he break the spell?
"My poor Levi," he breathed, reaching forward and caressing his cheek. It was so soft, so firm, but cold. Too cold. The spell must have sapped all the warmth from his body too. "What did they do to you? We can't leave you like this, can we? We've got to get you out of here. But what to do…"
And then it came to him. Of course, how silly of him. The cure in those stories had been true love's first kiss, so perhaps that would work here? He could think of no one else that might be Levi's true love, or his own. So if he kissed him, surely it would wake him up?
Eren bit his lip, uncertain. But what if it didn't work? Did that mean that he wasn't Levi's true love? No, that was silly, of course he was. It just meant that the spell he was under was stronger than what Eren thought, and he would have to think of something else. So, deciding not to wait any longer, he leaned forward, and very gently pressed his lips to Levi's icy ones.
But Levi did not grow warm under his touch, nor did he respond and begin to kiss him back. There was no warm breath that tickled his lips, and no sign that he even noticed the action. He lay just as perfectly still as before, hands folded on his chest, dressed in one of his favorite suits. Eren shook his head, stunned. No, this just had to work! True love and true love's kiss always pulled through, so why wasn't it working now? He and Levi loved each other as much as the ocean loved the shore, so why wasn't he waking up? He tried again, pressing his lips a little firmer to Levi's, but again, nothing. That was when he resorted to begging. Maybe if Levi heard him crying, he would snap out of whatever trance he was in.
"Please my love," he whispered, brushing back his hair. "I'm here. Your Aurora is here. We're together now. Isn't that what you wanted? Wake up now. We need to get going, I think we've waited long enough for this day. Levi? Come on." He shook him a little, trying to rouse him. "I had a dream where you were overjoyed to see me and said you'd wait for me as long as it too. But I'm here now. I'm sorry it took a little longer and I couldn't rescue you, but I'm here."
Eren stroked Levi's cheek with the back of one finger under his eye. He could feel tears stinging his eyes, tears of agony and betrayal. This wasn't supposed to happen! They were supposed to be happy now. They had suffered enough, hadn't they? Even when things got bad, things always worked out when they were together. So why this, why now?
The boy wiped at his face, unable to figure it out, his chest feeling like it was being squeezed because of the hurt he felt. What was he supposed to do if Levi didn't wake up?
And then it hit him. Perhaps Levi was choosing to remain asleep because he just didn't feel safe. Maybe because he had been so hurt so badly by the villains that when they put the spell on him, they had just traumatized him so much that he felt safer remaining asleep than waking up. Eren sniffed and sat up, the tears slowing down. Yes, that made sense. Alright, he could work with that. He just had to make Levi feel safe again. And who was better at making his Doll feel safe than him?
Standing up, he pulled himself together, saying with determination, "Don't you worry, Levi. I'll make you feel safe enough to wake up. Just give me a bit. I'll come back with some things for you, and we'll work on it. Until then, sleep tight for me. Your Eren will come back before you know it."
He bent over and sweetly kissed Levi's forehead as a promise, and then, after closing his casket, skipped happily out of the mausoleum, energized by his new sense of purpose.
The next day, Eren came jogging back with a wheelbarrow in front of him full of supplies. He was determined to make Levi feel safe, no matter what it took. He arrived early in the morning, just after the sun came up, and set about planting a little garden full of herbs and cute flowers with fragrant scents he knew Levi would like. They were all scents designed to soothe, like lavender and chamomile. He hoped that when he woke up, one of the first things he would see would be this cheery garden, something that was impossible to feel frightened in the face of.
After the garden, he set to work putting up a bird feeder and filling it with seeds right outside the window, where Levi could look out if he so chose. Come to think of it, he had chosen a similar setup in their new home, putting several bird feeder boxes right against their windows so they could watch them. He was excited to see what kind of birds they could attract at a beach.
"Perfect," he declared when he was all finished. "Now to fix up the inside."
So, little by little, he took some candles inside the mausoleum, determined to light them later before he went. Levi was so scared of the dark, and being in this place, as nice as it was, during the night, with no one else here had to be terrifying. It was no wonder he didn't want to wake up.
He put up as many candles as he could, one in every corner, so that there were no dark corners, no places for demons or anything else Levi might be afraid of to hide in. Eren also set up quite a few potted plants, far away from the candles and right next to the glass windows so they could get enough sunlight. He figured he would have to come over every few days at least and water them, but that was no problem, considering he planned on visiting Levi every day.
When he was all finished, he opened Levi's casket again and cheerily kissed his forehead, then his nose, then his lips, greeting, "Good morning, my prince. I'm here again. Do you feel like waking up today?"
No response. Levi remained in his spelled sleep. Well, perhaps it would take some time. So, Eren sighed, and sat down on the ledge on which his casket was perched. He then reached in took Levi's hand, cradling it between both of his own. His fingers were freezing, and set about warming them up.
"Oh Levi, our birdfeeder is already attracting some guests!" he said happily after a minute. "Let's see, there's a cardinal and a chickadee and a goldfinch! That was quick. They're greedy, look at them go. I'll have to refill that thing before I leave today. Good thing I brought the whole bag."
He kept stroking Levi's knuckles, swearing he felt his hand twitch in his grip. Did he? Or was that his imagination? Either way, it made his heart race with hope. Maybe this was a step in the right direction? Maybe all he had to do was sit here and keep talking to Levi. Perhaps if he heard his voice for long enough, he'd know it was okay to wake up.
"Well, let's see, what have you missed since you left?" Eren said to him. "Hanji and Petra are still okay. No one has suspected them or even connected them to the pub. We're going to try and keep it that way too. They're being brave, staying here, but I'm glad they are. Hanji has been visiting you too, leaving you flowers. I hope she likes what I left here for you. Hmm…our friends are going to get out of Lafayette soon too, the ones that went in with you anyway. When they do, we're going to have to find a new spot for our meetings. Though, I heard that a few of them want to move away, and I suppose I don't blame them. Erwin and Armin went back home, for example. The scandal didn't spread there, I don't think. I think Christa wants to run away with Ymir. Her father is putting a lot of pressure on her to get married and she can't take it much more."
He smiled sadly. "Oh yeah, speaking of marriage, I don't think Emma is going to stay much longer. Or I don't know. I can never tell what she's thinking, I suppose mostly because I don't care to know. But Mikasa says she told her about me and you, so I wouldn't want to stick around either. Who knows. If she leaves, it'll just make it easier for you and me to get out of here."
And on he went, rambling on and on all day, not leaving Levi's side for anything. Not even to eat. He remained with him until the sun began to go down, holding his hand and letting Levi listen to his voice. He liked to think that even in his sleep, the older man could hear him. As it became dark, he lit all the candles, lighting up as much of the inside as he could. When he decided that it wasn't light enough, he went and grabbed more candles from his wheelbarrow.
But soon, he figured out that he wasn't just doing this for Levi's sake. He just didn't want to leave. Not yet.
Or ever.
He had Levi back in his life after waiting for him for so long. Who said that night had to be when they departed? He couldn't wait an entire night to see him again. Besides, what if he woke during the night and was frightened? Eren could have that happen. So, without much thought, he followed his heart and stepped up into the coffin, crawling in beside him. It was a tight squeeze, but this coffin was design more or less for someone of Eren's height, and Levi was so small, so he managed to fit. And to be honest, with all the cushioning in there, it wasn't that uncomfortable. He adjusted himself, pressing his body close to Levi's.
Eren couldn't help but sigh with relief. It was so nice to feel Levi's body against his again, so nice to feel like he was helping him and protecting him once more. He put an arm around his waist and pulled him close, turning his face so that it was hidden against Eren's chest, right where he usually laid. His face was chilly, but Eren was determined to warm him up. Maybe if he warmed him up enough, he would be able to regain consciousness.
"Good night love," he told him, the words feeling easy and familiar on his tongue. He used to say that to Levi right before they fell asleep after they spent themselves making love. The phrase was as comfortable as an old shirt, and instantly put him in the mindset that it was indeed time to go to sleep. He closed his eyes, and drifted off faster than he had in ages.
Eren of course, in his deluded state, forgot that there would be people looking for him, worried about the fact that he had not been home all day or hadn't come home that night. Mikasa and Emma went out to search for him as soon as it began to get dark. However, Mikasa had a feeling she knew where Eren would be, and purposefully sent Emma to look for him somewhere else so that she could protect her from his increasingly disturbed mental state.
When she came upon him, she was glad she had sent her away.
Because there was Eren, asleep in Levi's coffin with him, and what was worse, he looked so happy laying there, like he hadn't been that happy in a long time. It was just so disturbing that it turned her stomach, and she wanted nothing more than to get him out of there, showered, and in his own bed as quickly as possible.
When she woke him, he was none too pleased to see her, and of course fought her when she pulled him out and every step of the way home. She tried to ignore his screeching and crying where he called out, "Levi needs me, let me go! He can't be alone in the dark, he won't feel safe!"
She hated having to lock him in his room that night, but it was the only way he would stay.
When she let him out the next day and found him in exactly the same place, inside Levi's casket with preparations to spend the night, she knew she was going to have to take drastic measures.
So Mikasa had Levi's body cremated.
What a waste it had been, in hindsight, to spend all that money having him embalmed. But she had no idea that her brother would react this way, and couldn't imagine that having Levi cremated would be approved by Eren, especially when he genuinely believed he would wake up. And true to her belief, when he found out that his beloved's body had been burned to ashes and locked in the mausoleum, of which he was no longer allowed access to the key for fear that he would lock himself in there and never come out again, he did not take it well.
He holed up in his room, crying and screaming himself sick for days upon days, unable to get out of bed, shouting about how now Levi would never wake up, that he was gone forever, that Mikasa was the most horrible person in the world. That she had killed him. And she took the brunt of his abuse, shutting her eyes against his cries.
Deep down, she knew he was at this point beyond her help, but at the same time, he needed her help now more than ever. And she wasn't about to abandon him, not when that was the thing he feared the most.
