Free Time Events: Hikaru Kurogane (Side C)
EVENT 1: Kurogane-san's family competes in shogi, causing Kurogane-san to realize that he didn't enjoy or have much talent for the game.
Kurogane-san and I played a game of go. He severely handicapped himself, but I didn't even come close to winning.
"Thank you for the game," I said, "and I'm sorry I didn't put up a better effort."
"That's fine, Nagato-san," Kurogane-san said. "I guess now you know how I felt about shogi. There's a reason why I'm not the Ultimate Shogi Player, and it's time I told you."
"I'm listening," I said.
"The members of my family compete against each other in shogi," Kurogane-san said, "and some of us are a lot better than others. As you can imagine, I lost most of the time against most of my opponents, including against my cousin Shiro, who's a year younger than me. With my cousins quickly surpassing me and my parents, aunts and uncles in a different league, I gave it my best effort for years, but eventually got discouraged and stopped trying."
While I knew that the Ultimates weren't good at everything, I hadn't expected Kurogane-san to talk so frankly about his troubles. I'd heard stories about talented people who succeeded despite their difficulties, but few people were willing to tell stories about how they'd repeatedly failed at something they tried until they gave up.
"That doesn't sound fun," I said, "but there are always those who are better than you, aren't there?"
"There are," Kurogane-san said, "but it was hard to find anything enjoyable or fulfilling about being defeated so soundly and so often. Your defeats, failures and mistakes can be educational experiences as long as you have the right mindset and understand where you went wrong. I, however, felt as though I was getting crushed so decisively that I wasn't learning anything...well, except for the fact that shogi wasn't my game."
"That's actually an important lesson," I said. "If you know that something isn't worth the effort, then you won't waste time pursuing it."
Kurogane-san smiled and nodded.
"Indeed," Kurogane-san said. "'Not worth the effort' is an apt description for things that are impossible, as well as those that are unfulfilling. Life's too short to waste on something you can't do or don't enjoy doing."
Even before the killing game forced us to realize how suddenly and violently our young lives could end, we'd always known that we only had a limited amount of time, and we'd do well to make the most of it. The only question was how much our "most" would be.
EVENT 2: Kurogane-san found that go was his talent, even if it doesn't fit with his family.
We played another game, and I lost once again. Kurogane-san reassured me that I wasn't doing too badly; I was on par with the average beginner, and he'd seen some spectacularly incompetent people, from one person who kept on making illegal moves by accident, to another whose blunders enabled Kurogane-san to capture most of the board in one fell swoop.
"I'd like to know something," I said. "How did you get your start in go?"
"I meant to tell you that last time," Kurogane-san said. "When I was in third grade or so, I went to a classmate's house and played go against his older brother. Everyone involved was surprised at how quickly I took to it, myself most of all."
While I'd always assumed that the Ultimates were naturals, I hadn't seen many people who'd tried and failed at something apart from their Ultimate talent before I'd met Kurogane-san. With that in mind, his decision to give up on shogi seemed like the right move.
"I played it more and more over time," Kurogane-san said, "and while I did eventually start playing seriously, I never stopped enjoying it. Go was fun because I was good at it, but mainly because I'd chosen to do it."
"That's good to hear," I said. "It can be difficult to enjoy something if you're forced to do it."
"Yes, that's certainly true," Kurogane-san said. "While I do have to keep on playing go to keep my career alive, I remind myself that this is a career I chose for myself. I may not be able to do it forever, but I'll keep on going as long as I can, so I won't have any regrets."
I noticed that Kurogane-sound didn't seem entirely sure of that statement. While he didn't regret the path he took, it seemed as though not everything had gone the way he'd hoped for, but what did he wish had turned out differently?
EVENT 3: Kurogane-san's family didn't take kindly to his specializing in go. That said, it's impressive that he continued down his path.
Kurogane-san, noticing I'd grasped the basics of go, decided to share some advanced tips he'd gotten, the kind that he said weren't ones that you could find in a standard book about go. I listened attentively and thanked him for his guidance. He said he was happy to help, just as others had helped him, then proceeded to tell about some of the mentors and books who had taught him much of what he knew. Unfortunately, his parents were noticeably absent from that list.
"As I said earlier, I started playing go seriously a few years before I got invited to come to Talent High School," Kurogane-san said, "and, of course, my parents noticed. They weren't exactly happy."
"Why?" I said. "You excelled at go, didn't you?"
"I did," Kurogane-san said, "but it was a while before I became a professional player. To my parents, go was just another waste of time, and they believed that if I practiced harder at shogi, I could compete with Shiro and the others."
I suppose the same went for most other talents and marketable skills. Until you had what it took to do them for a living, they were simply hobbies that were good way to kill time but otherwise were of no use to you or anyone else. I couldn't completely fault Kurogane-san's parents for wanting him to find a productive use for his skills (even if I wasn't sure whether that was the actual reason behind their opposition), but I wished they'd be a little more supportive of their son.
"I did have an ally of sorts in my father," Kurogane-san said. "He said to my mother, 'Hikaru's chosen his path, so we should let him walk it to wherever it may lead him.' Mother didn't argue with him, so I guess she could at least be persuaded."
I had mixed feelings about Kurogane-san's parents. On the one hand, they had allowed their son to pursue his dream, and not everyone would be that understanding. On the other hand, it sounded as though they expected he might fail, and were willing to let that happen to teach him a lesson. Mom saw the latter as a valid tactic for cases in which failing wasn't dangerous for the child, which was a fair assertion, but I was sure most children would want their parents' full support for their endeavors.
"Wherever it may lead you?" I said. "That's not exactly optimistic."
"Maybe it isn't," Kurogane-san said, "but the same goes for all who seek to be the best. Even Shiro's success was not guaranteed, but due to hard work and luck. Because of that, he's a bit... obsessed with proving that he's better than others, and can't stand losing to anyone he sees as beneath him. He's not a bad guy, really, but has trouble getting along with others who are his rivals; my relationship with him improved after I stopped doing shogi."
I nodded to acknowledge Kurogane-san's points about his cousin, but inwardly, I knew I'd gotten the right Kurogane as my classmate.
"I know," I said. "Still, it's impressive that you got this far without your parents supporting you. I don't think I could have done the same."
Kurogane-san merely shrugged, since seemed a bit uncomfortable to hear that.
"In the end, I think success comes down to one's efforts," Kurogane-san said. "Your parents can give you a good upbringing, as well as an environment that helps nurture your talent, but you're ultimately responsible for your own success or failure."
Kurogane-san changed the subject, but I could tell that his parents were a difficult subject for him. He wasn't willing to let them hold him back, but that didn't mean he didn't care about them at all, so even as he proceeded down a path that was separate from his family, he still glanced backwards at those he'd left behind. I hoped that one day, he'd come to terms with those feelings and continue onwards without regrets.
EVENT 4: Kurogane-san still wants his parents' approval, while I want his confidence. It seems we each have something that the other lacks.
I played another game with Kurogane-san. I still didn't stand much of a chance against him, but I felt as though I was actually learning how to play the game, so I was making progress. Maybe if I challenged Higurashi-san or one of the girls to a game, I'd be able to win.
"This may sound like a personal question, Nagato-san," Kurogane-san said, "but does your mother approve of you?"
"She does," I said. "She doesn't go soft on me, and does encourage me to try to get better grades, but I'm her daughter and she loves me unconditionally."
"Good for you," Kurogane-san said.
As grateful as I was for that, the fact that it was unconditional made me question whether I'd earned that love, a belief that was only reinforced as many strangers refused to give me a second thought. However, after meeting Akira-san and my other friends, I realized that while I would need to have people acknowledge my talents and skills, I didn't need to think of people's love and respect as something that was earned- rather, it was given.
"I've been thinking about last time," Kurogane-san said. "While my parents' opposition never deterred me from playing go competitively, I did actually want their approval- and still do."
"That's understandable," I said, "since it's only natural for you to crave approval from those close to you. This also goes for strangers, since it's hard to get through life if no one acknowledges you."
"I guess," Kurogane-san said. "After all, my popularity is not an inconsequential factor in my go career. I guess tech support professionals have to not only impress hiring managers to get a job, but also make a good enough impression on callers to avoid racking up complaints."
"Fair enough," I said. "Of course, I don't know if it's possible to excel at the job, as much as do it well enough that hardly anyone complains."
A part of me envied those who had jobs in which it was possible to achieve great things and stand out from the pack, rather than do your job while trying to avoid making mistakes. My grandfather came to mind as an example of the latter group, since while the factory considered him a reliable worker, he couldn't proudly reminisce about any specific feats. He'd been a good worker, but there was nothing he could do that the younger worker who replaced him after he retired couldn't.
"In any case," I said, "I said what I did because I admire your confidence and determination. Ever since Akira-san died, it's been hard for me to believe in myself. Akira-san was the one who most saw value from me, but now, she's gone."
While my mom believed in me, a part of her always believed that I'd never be able to escape the stigma of being an illegitimate child, which was why she'd agreed to have me admitted to Talent High School with a title that I hadn't actually earned. That said, I couldn't exactly judge her too harshly, since I'd felt the same way myself.
"I know what you mean," Kurogane-san said. "Of course, even if you wish you believed in yourself as I do, I wish my parents were as supportive of me as your mother is of you. Then again, it's possible for my parents to change, and it's possible for you to change, too."
I shared that hope, too, so that we could have both confidence in ourselves and loving and supportive parents. Kurogane-san's parents were out of his hands, but I could change myself, so I owed it to myself to do so.
EVENT 5: Kurogane-san hopes that I can believe in myself, and so offered me his support.
Kurogane-san invited me over to his cabin. We played go again, and while I lost, I enjoyed myself so much that I didn't mind.
"I've been thinking, Nagato-san," Kurogane-san said. "As much as I'd like to say 'believe in yourself,' I know that's kind of trite advice. After all, it's not very useful to tell someone to do what they're having trouble doing, even if it is what they need to do."
"Well, Akira-san told me to do just that," I said. "Of course, she was a person who didn't hesitate to say what was on her mind, so maybe that was why it worked."
"I know," Kurogane-san said. "What I do know, though, is that success isn't always guaranteed. A lot of famous people's achievements seem almost inevitable in hindsight, but at the time, no one would have thought they'd be possible... and yet, they didn't let that stop them. You don't just need talent and hard work to succeed, but also courage and self-confidence."
I had to agree. While there were many times when I'd been deterred from trying something because I didn't think I could succeed, it was possible that I might have prevailed in some of those cases if I'd stuck with it and refused to let the odds scare me off.
"True," I said. "Of course, such achievements often aren't necessarily possible, are they?"
"Not always," Kurogane-san said. "But if you're feeling doubtful, ask yourself why, and what you can do about it. If there is a problem, then perhaps you can think of a solution. If you're afraid of something, confront your fears to overcome them. If you find that it's all just in your head, just press on."
"Thank you, Kurogane-san," I said. "I appreciate hearing that from you."
"Not a problem, Nagato-san," Kurogane-san said. "That's what friends are for."
As we shook hands, I thought about what the future would hold, both in the killing game and beyond. Many difficult challenges would await us, and solving them might not be a simple matter of determination. Fortunately, I wouldn't face them alone, not with a loyal friend like Kurogane-san at my side.
Author's Notes
Kurogane's Free Time Events are another that vary based on the personality of the protagonist interacting with him. They also serve to develop his cousin Shiro a little, since Hikaru probably has the best relationship with Shiro.
The omake is a parody of The Lady or the Tiger.
Omake
Kurogane's POV
I'd like to share a dream I had the night before the costume party.
I sat in the box seats of the royal stadium, in what was apparently known as the Kurogane Kingdom.
From a door beneath my seat, Shigeru, the man I loved, walked into the arena. The stadium announcer revealed his crime- attempting to seduce the crown prince of the nation. Apparently, he was guilty of two offenses- loving a man and loving someone above his station. I almost laughed at the irony, since I was the only one guilty of those "crimes." My feelings for him weren't reciprocated; Shigeru saw me as a friend, but often talked with me about getting a girlfriend. Despite that, Father chose to blame Shigeru, rather than me, possibly because he wanted me to marry the daughter of Duke Himemiya, the wealthiest noble in the land.
As punishment, Shigeru was given the sentence given to all major criminals, and was forced to choose one of two doors. Behind one lay a starving and vicious bear, half black and half white, that would brutally kill and eat him, and behind the other, there was a maiden whom he would have to marry.
I could imagine what the talented young law scholar I knew would think of this. To her, this would be a contest of chance, in which it was as likely for an innocent person to be devoured as a guilty one to end up with the woman of his dreams. The outcome was purely up to blind luck.
Of course, the story wasn't about the criminal's choice. Rather, it was about the princess, the woman who loved him. She'd paid a bribe and discovered what lay behind each door, and with a single gesture, could guide the man to his fate. It was a bitter choice for her- see the man suffer a grisly death, or see him be married to her hated romantic rival.
This time, I had the choice for myself, having paid a bribe to discover that the tiger was on the left and the lady was on the right. Obviously, I didn't want Shigeru to die such a horrible death at the teeth and claws of the bear, but what about the alternative? Behind the other door lay Lady oAkira Azuki, who, in this world, was a noblewoman, the only daughter of Countess Azuki. She was highly sought-after, especially by Shigeru, who seemed almost obsessed with her. Father had chosen her to be Shigeru's prize, possibly knowing that she was the one he wanted, and having even a 50-50 chance at Lady Akira's hand in marriage(albeit with the alternative being death) was an attractive proposition to him.
I pointed at the right door, a gesture that went unnoticed by the audience, who were focused on Shigeru himself. Shigeru walked to the right door, and with a trembling hand, he pushed it open, not knowing if death or marriage awaited him. He trusted me enough to take my advice, but did he know what I intended for him? The man in the story didn't know, which was probably why the story never told us whether he took the princess's advice.
The story that inspired this dream ended right there, with a question- would the woman rather let her lover die or choose someone else? But my story had an answer- Lady Akira was behind the door I'd chosen. Shigeru had not only been lost to me either way, but his heart had belonged to someone else before he even stepped into the arena, so it wasn't worth letting him die out of spite. The only regret I had about this outcome was what I would be subjecting the bride to, assuming she felt the same way about Shigeru that her counterpart in my world did.
"Forgive me, Lady Akira..." I thought as I woke up.
I woke up that morning to see that Kojima-kun was already up.
"Good morning, Kojima-kun," I said.
"Morning, Kurogane," Kojima-kun said. "You seem like you had a weird dream last night.
"Yes, I did," I said. "Have you ever heard about 'The Lady or the Tiger?'"
"Sure have," Kojima-kun said. "Between the princess, her lover, the lady or the tiger, I'm gonna guess that you were the princess, right?"
I nodded, glad he was already up to speed.
"I was," I said, "and I let yo- er, the man I love live and marry the woman he loves."
"Good for you," Kojima-kun said. "If you just let the guy die, nobody would've won... except maybe the tiger that got to eat him. This way, the guy gets to live, even if he doesn't end up with you... at least not right now."
"You think he will eventually?" I said. "He doesn't have any choice but to marry the lady... not that he would've said no even if he could."
"Hey, anything can happen," Kojima-kun said, "but I'm happy as long as the girl I love gets to live. She might end up hating me, but as long as she's alive and happy, I can live with that."
I was tempted to ask if he thought Azuki-san didn't already hate him, but dropped the subject and headed to breakfast. We had a long day ahead of us, one that got much longer once a murder occurred at the house. But that's a story for another time...
