A/N I'm so sorry this has taken so long to update, but hope you know how crazy everything has been recently and a lot of other things had to take priority.

Hope you are all staying safe and well and that two chapter update help you in some small way!

Sending love x

The sun streamed through the stained glass windows of the Infirmary. Alice was sat at one of the empty medical stations at the back of the infirmary.

She'd been suspended for over a week now, and it had been hell. Although, her anger had slowly ebbed away, she'd not seen or spoken to John since he'd ordered her to leave Lucius' village. Part of her knew she couldn't avoid him forever and the sooner they had it out the better it would be. But stubbornness and fear kept her away. She'd never had feelings this strong about anyone, good or bad, and their next conversation would change her entire reality. Again. Even though it wasn't easy at least the last time it had been her choice, she'd decided to stay, to give into her insecurity. Whereas now, it was up to him. He could decide he wanted as little to do with her as possible – and she wasn't eager to hear that. No matter how screwed up they were right now, she just wasn't ready to hear there was no hope left.

That was part of the reason she was hiding out in the Infirmary, it was somewhere no one would go looking for her.

A voice broke through the silence around her. "Hi there, can I help you?" Alice looked up, she didn't recognise the voice or the woman walking up to her. "Do you need a doctor?" The woman asked tilting her head as she looked over Alice.

Alice touch her nose gingerly, knowing that was most likely what the woman was looking at. Although the majority of the bandaging had been removed she still had a few steri-strips and bruising covering her face. "Sorry, I'm Alice Riley. Carson said no one was using this station and I could work here." She held her hand out to the woman.

"Oh no worries." The woman who had honey colored hair smiled and took Alice's hand. "I'm Doctor Keller, but you can call me Jennifer. What happened?" She drew a circle in the air around her own cheek.

"It's nice to meet you. Um... just an accident off-world. It's nothing. Did you just get here?" Alice let her hand go and smiled back.

Jennifer let out a breath. "Yeah, two days. It's insane isn't it? But I mean who could have said no to all this."

Alice laughed, she liked Jennifer already. "It's pretty incredible, I've been here three years and it still hasn't lost the awe factor."

Jennifer's eyes widened. "So you were part of the original group?"

"Yeah. I was an Air Force officer back then, I only made the switch over to the civilian science team this year." Alice rubbed the back of her neck.

Jennifer seemed super interested. "Woah. That's incredible." She looked around at the infirmary. "So why are you hiding out here?"

Alice looked back at her laptop. "Oh...well when Doctor's McKay and Zalenka are off-world that leaves me in charge of the R&D department." She held up her hand. "Only because they have less experience with um...weirdness and off-world protocol."

Jennifer nodded. "That still doesn't explain why you're here?"

Alice scrunched up her face. "Well...if i'm honest it's to escape anyone who wants to bug me with questions." Though this wasn't exactly the whole truth, as acting head, this meant everyone and anyone was constantly coming to her with problems. Half of them were basic questions about the City's systems that she had no problem with, but the rest varied from personal disputes, to research specific questions she had no idea where to start. In order to get a few moments of peace, she'd decided to find a quiet spot to get her head down. Her quarters were a no go as that was the first place people looked when they wanted her, so the infirmary felt like the next best place. Scientifically they were linked to everything Alice needed and none of the staff typically disturbed her. Other than Carson that is, but he was a welcome distraction. Though, the fact John avoided the infirmary like a plague unless absolutely necessary was also a bonus.

"I get that. Just need some headspace." Jennifer pulled up the stool across from Alice. "It's totally cool if you don't have time, but I was wondering if I could as you a few questions about the city?"

Alice smiled. "Sure."

Jennifer and her ended up talking for over an hour, until one of the nurses came over requesting Jennifer's help with an off-world team check up. Alice lifted her wrist to check the time, it was early evening. John's team would be back anytime now. She just started packing up when Evan's voice drifted in from the open doorway. "Here is the infirmary. Doctor Keller is our Chief Medical Officer, and will be doing your mandated check up later today. Then- oh Aly! Perfect timing."

Slipping her laptop under her arm she brushed a stay piece of hair back behind her hair. "Hey Ev."

A pretty blonde woman stood behind him, she was wearing a Daedalus officers' uniform. It was obvious this was her first trip out here, as unlike the other airmen she still held herself tense and ready to salute or drop to the floor in an instant. Evan gestured to the woman. "This is Captain Stephanie Jordan, she's one of the Daedalus' new officers. Caldwell asked for her to have the full orientation but there's a security issue I've got to deal with. Could you finish up for me?" His eyes pleaded.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Sure thing." She held out her hand to the Captain. "I'm Doctor Alice Riley. It's nice to meet you."

The Captain extended her own hand and shook Alice's. She was extremely attractive, her soft brown eyes were a contrast to the brightness of her hair. She had a mischievous smirk on her face and even though there wasn't a fleck of make up on her face she was striking. Alice suddenly felt very plain next to her, with her hair tossed up into a messy bun and bruised face. "Aly was Air Force until she decided the civilian pay check was double." Evan winked, then started backing out of the room. "I owe you one Als, I'll see you later."

Alice watched him go with an affectionate smile, then directed her attention back to Captain Jordan. "Well, why don't you tell me what you've seen so far and we'll go from there."

Jordan clasped her hands behind her back. "Just the control room and the infirmary ma'am."

Alice scrunched up her face. "Ugh please don't. Just Alice is fine." Her nose ached from the movement. "Okay, well I need to drop this at my lab." She motioned to the laptop under her arm. "So we'll start there and then head to the mess hall and training areas."

Alice led the way out. "You were Air Force ma'am? I mean Alice?" Jordan spoke with a soft tone, but underneath Alice could hear the toughness that came with being a woman in the military.

"Yep, I was a Captain." Alice smiled. "Is this your first time off-world? Or were you part of the SGC before hand?" Happy to move the subject off her career change.

Jordan's eyes studied her as they walked, but she seemed happy to oblige with the change of topic. "First time. I was in Afghanistan until a week ago, it was my second tour. Then I got my orders to report back to Colorado for reassignment. I can't even begin to describe what it felt like to hear about the Stargate and then be beamed up onto the Daedalus on course for a new galaxy." The awe in her voice was clear.

They were almost at Alice's lab. "Everyone here knows exactly what you mean. It's a lot to take in." She waved her hand over the door panel. "Here is the main research lab for R&D. The department is led by Doctor Rodney McKay, he's offworld at the moment but I'm sure you'll meet him at some point." She tried not to wince as she thought of all the uncomfortable introductions she'd made to Rodney over the years. But Jordan looked like she could hold her own. Moving past the desks, Alice dropped her laptop. "On with the tour."

During the orientation, Alice learned that Jordan was a demolitions expert and had spent most of her time in Afghanistan clearing IEDs from local settlements and school. And she was incredibly alert and intelligent. A small pang of envy prickled under Alice's skin. Not only was she attractive, smart and deadly, but she seemed funny and selfless.

That didn't mean Alice wasn't looking forward to working with her. There was a distinct lack of female officers on the base since the expedition had returned, and it would be nice to make some new connections. Even if Jordan would only be here ever few weeks.

They'd made it through the mess hall, gyms and rec rooms. Next, Alice was heading for the armoury. "You'll have to keep an eye on the Lieutenants. Lloyd especially, he can be a real handful." She said.

Jordan smiled. "I'll remember that name. What about the Commander? I've heard he's a real hard ass Colonel."

Alice stopped raising an eyebrow. "Really? Who told you that?"

"Major Lorne."

"Of course he did…" Alice sighed. "The Colonel-" and as if on cue, John stepped out of the armoury in front of them. Alice felt like slapping herself in the face. She knew John would have been coming back around now, she should have left the armoury till very last.

It was too late to turn around now, and she didn't really want to explain why she'd just run off from the commander of Atlantis to Jordan. It was too embarrassing. John looked up and stopped dead, his face paled slightly as he saw them.

Maybe it would have been less awkward if Alice had just run away. She was just about to call out to introduce John, but Alice wasn't expecting Jordan to say his name.

"John?" Jordan's soft voice drifted almost through Alice's brain.

John's mouth twisted into an awkward shy smile, and he slowly stepped over to them. His eyes glancing between Alice and Jordan. "Steph. It's…uh…good to see you."

The tension in the air was so thick, it made it harder to breathe. Alice cleared her throat. "You two know each other?"

John blinked, his lips pursing. "Steph- I mean the Captain and I were both stationed in Kabul." There seemed to be more to the story, but she knew John wasn't about to say.

Jordan crossed her arms and let out a short laugh. "I see you finally got your promotion."

"You could say that." John said.

Alice cleared her throat. "Colonel Sheppard is our military commander."

Jordan's posture instantly stiffened. "Sir." She seemed to say reactively.

John waved his hand at the formality. "We're quite casual here. Um…Riles. Do you mind-"

Alice swallowed. "I'll let you two catch up." She pivoted on her heel, leaving the Captain alone in the corridor with John. A bad feeling settled in her stomach.

Alice headed straight back to her room. Once the door closed she dropped down onto her bed. She wondered what the history between John and 'Steph' was, it could have been that John's tension was due to being around her. But it seemed more than that.

Kicking off her boots she grabbed her pillow pulled it over her eyes. She fell into an uneasy sleep.

When Alice opened her eyes in the morning she felt like she hadn't slept at all. Dragging herself out of bed she headed for the bathroom, making herself some what presentable and pulling her hair up into a high ponytail.

There was little she could do for her face. Brown and blue bruises still marred her skin and her nose still felt swollen under the steri-strips. The stitches had already been taken out, and Alice was thankful they hadn't left much of a scar. But she still looked like a mess. No wonder Jennifer thought she'd needed a Doctor yesterday.

Leaving her room she headed for the lab, she may have been able to avoid Rodney yesterday, but she had a responsibility to report into him today.

She could hear yelling up ahead as she approached the lab. Even from where she was she could tell one of the voices was Rodney. "What are you talking about - you can't do it. How difficult can it be?!"

Alice picked up her pace, wrapping her knuckles on the door to alert the two scientists to her presence. Rodney spun around to reveal Radek sat on a stool in front of his laptop. He was holding his head in his hands like he was ready to give up and walk away. "What's going on?" She raised an eyebrow as she strode into the lab.

"Aly! There you are. Where were you yesterday?" Rodney rambled.

"Working." She raised an eyebrow. Rodney never normally took his management role so seriously. "What's difficult?" She gestured to Radek, trying to draw Rodney's attention away from her.

Radek sighed. "We ran our standard power check and it showed a number of redundant systems are draining power from the ZPM."

"And bird brain over here can't break through the Ancients protocols to shut them down remotely." Rodney snapped.

"Geez Rodney, calm down." Alice watched as Radek pinched the bridge of his nose. She wondered how long this had been going on before she got here. She put her hands on her hips.

"This is basic Ancient 101. My four-year old niece would be able to do it."

Alice smiled smugly as a plan formed in her head. "Really? That basic."

"I'll show you. In fact, I'll bet you a month's pay that I can do it before lunch." Rodney crossed his hands smugly over his chest.

Alice gave Radek a sly smile. "Deal." They both said at the same time.

Rodney chuckled and rubbed his hands together. "Ha! This will be the easiest money I've ever made. Move over." He flicked his wrists gesturing for Radek to move away from the laptop.

Radek stood up eagerly, Alice moved to stand behind Rodney peering over his shoulder. Rodney cracked his knuckles and started analysing the screen. "This may take a while." Radek whispered.

Alice took a last look over his shoulder. "Right." She whispered. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No. How about you?"

Alice smiled. "Nope." Happily Radek and her headed out the door. "We'll grab you a muffin Rodney!" But he just mumbled and gestured for them to go away.

By the time they'd gotten back to the lab, Rodney looked like he was ready to throw the laptop across the room. He was pulling on his hair and grumbling to himself. Alice placed a chocolate muffin by his desk, then her and Radek returned to their normal stations.

The back log of requests was enough to keep Alice's mind busy and off John and her personal disasters. Whether it was translating sections of technical ancient logs or trying to categorise and log some new piece of tech, the hours flew past.

Before she knew it her watched beeped, indicating Rodney's time was up.

She had to cover her mouth with her hand when she looked up to see Rodney was almost turning purple with rage. Alice walked over and leaned on the desk beside him. She held up her wrist. "Andddddd that's lunch."

Rodney's head snapped up with wide eyes. "What?! No, I just need-"

Alice held up a finger. "Nope, a bets a bet. Now have you solved it or not."

Rodney looked between her and the screen. "No. But I-"

"No buts. Now, the systems aren't too far. Let's grab our gear and head out to switch them off manually. We can't afford for them to drain our only ZPM, right?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"No." He sighed in resignation. "Fine."

"Great." She clapped her hand on his back. "Grab your kit then. I'll let Evan know."

Ever since the incident a couple of years ago, it was policy that security teams be informed of anyone heading down into the outer edges of the city that hadn't been cleared. Usually someone tagged along to act as a bodyguard, or at least that was what the idea was, really it was to make sure the scientists didn't go turning on anything they weren't supposed – though Alice, Radek and Rodney were exempt from that part of the policy.

Once they'd been cleared by security, they'd assembled a team of scientists and engineers. Since they didn't venture down into these sections often, they'd decided to bring along members of the structural team to check on the integrity of this section. As it was only recently, these sections were drained of water.

Evan had sent down Lloyd to accompany them, as well as Jordan.

Alice took the lead, her datapad in one hand and a torch in the other. It felt good to be active again, rather than just sitting behind a desk.

They took it slowly once they stepped into the darkened tunnels. Most of the power still hadn't be rerouted to these systems, a precaution to avoid an overload. As no one knew what kind of state the power conduits would be in after being under water so long.

Her boots stuck to the damp floor, as she walked. A light dripping could be heard echoing around the empty space, Alice just hoped it wasn't indicative of a seal leak from another floor. The power was intermittent at best in these sections, so most if not all the lights and doors required manual overrides.

Behind her she could hear Radek and Rodney bickering like an old married couple.

Captain Jordan walked beside her, her torch swinging back and forth along the floor and wall. "Are they always like this?" She asked Alice shining her torch back towards Radek and Rodney.

Alice felt like she was being embarrassed in-front of the new kid. Sighing she answered honestly. "Always." Alice looked down at her datapad, she had a complete map up of the flooded area.

"So Riles? Right?" Jordan asked her as they walked.

Alice looked up from her map. "Sorry?"

Lloyd who was walking only a few steps behind them, let out a small chuckle "Only the Colonel calls her that." His words dripping with innuendo.

Jordan's eyes seemed to narrow slightly in thought as she glanced back between Lloyd and Alice. "Alice then, I wanted-"

But before Jordan could finish, Alice felt her datapad vibrate in her hand. Shining her torch at an open door to her left, she saw a light bluish glow lighting up the room. "Rodney!" She yelled over her shoulder. "This is it."

"Thank God."

"Let us clear it first." Lloyd was using his best authoritative voice. It was only then, that Alice realised how serious and non-Lloyd like he'd been on the trek down here. Then she saw his eyes flick over to Jordan and it all made sense.

"Okay, but make it quick." She said, before Rodney could open his mouth. "Rayez and Warren. You guys can start your structural analysis from here." Even though Rodney was head of the department, if the project didn't involve him or really excite him, he couldn't care less about it. Leaving Radek and her to manage the teams.

Alice tried hard not to roll her eyes as Rodney and Radek continued their bickering. Lloyd stepped back through the doorway and gave them the all clear. Alice went first, followed by Jordan and then Radek and Rodney.

It looked like there were two main control interfaces. One was on top of a pedestal and the other closer to the door off to the side. Alice headed for the one close to her, Jordan followed.

"You ... OK, you know what? Look around, see if you can figure out how you can turn this place off, whatever it is." Rodney stepped up onto the low podium.

"Are you sure you should be going up there?" Radek's voice sounded nervous.

Alice looked up to see Rodney looking back at him with clear irritation. "How else am I gonna find out what this room does, huh?" He started attaching his computer tablet to the panel. "God forbid there should be anything in the Ancient database."

"Oh, there probably is. We just don't have the time to ..." Alice started saying, as she squinted at the machine, hovering her hand over it trying to initialise the machine.

Suddenly, the blue glow intensified and the screens in the lab all switched on. Alice wasn't sure if it was her or Rodney who had activated it. "Ah, here we go." Rodney said.

A screen full of Ancient writing appeared in front of her. "Can you read this?" Jordan asked, leaning into the screen and waving a hand across the projection.

Alice had already started skimming the text looking for keywords that would tell her anything about the purpose of the lab. "Yeah…" she mumbled. "The longer you spend here it just becomes second nature."

"OK, there should be a main power switch ..." Radek stepped closer to Rodney. Alice could just make out their blurry figures behind the glowing interface.

"Yes, I know that. What do you think I'm doing?" Rodney replied back tetchily.

"You guys are such an old married couple." Alice complained under her breath, scrolling through the text.

"I don't know how you get anything done." Jordan commented.

"Alright - double or nothing." Radek said excitedly.

"Oh, you're on. Alright." He paused.

Alice paused her scrolling. Two words in the text made her stop - experiment and manipulation. "Rodney, just wait a second."

"It's gotta be around here somewhere." He muttered.

Alice moved her head around the screen. "Rodney-" but the consoles all came to life. Alice watched in shock as a beam of light shot down from the ceiling, wrapping itself around Rodney. It swirled around him for a couple of seconds, then shut off.

Panels everywhere started overloading. Alice raised her arms, as sparks flew at her. The room plunged into darkness, leaving Alice fumbling for her torch. "Rodney!" She couldn't see him stood at the panel anymore. Switching on her torch, she stepped around her console. Moving past Jordan, to see Rodney's body heaped on the floor. "Rodney!" She quickly rushed towards him.

Rodney sat up as she reached him turning around to face her, his eyes wide in horror. "I'm not sure ... but I think I just lost - big time."

Alice tapped her radio. "This is team sierra, requesting immediate medical assistance."

—-

Alice stood next to John and Elizabeth, as Carson looked over his shoulder at Rodney. Jordan and Lloyd were lingering close to Rodney's side, they had been the ones to carry him up here.

Her whole body tense, as Carson gave them an overview of Rodney's condition. "As far as I can tell, he's fine." But for some reason this didn't let her to relax. That might have more to do with the fact John was standing right beside her. Or the small glances she saw passing between him and Jordan.

Though they obviously weren't far enough away from Rodney. "I was hit by a mysterious energy pulse. How can that possibly be fine?" He called out to them exasperatedly.

Carson sighed and they walked over to Rodney's bedside. "I've run every test I can: blood work, M. , X-rays, the lot. I found no anomalies in any of the results." Carson explained.

Rodney held his finger up. "One more time: mysterious energy pulse from a device created by the Ancients. I mean, who knows what kind of long-term effects I could be in for? I mean, there's gross mutation, giantism, invisibility ..."

John shrugged. "That would be cool. I turned into a bug." Alice shivered, remembering the iratus virus incident.

"A bug?" Jordan asked.

But John just shook his head, obviously not keen to relive the story.

"Alright. Like I said, as far as I can tell, he's as healthy as a horse." Carson sighed. "I'm clearing you for active duty."

"Are you insane?!" Rodney's eyes were wide. He turned to Elizabeth and John. "Look, I need to be put under guard. Who knows what I could become?"

John rolled his eyes. Alice frowned and Elizabeth looked at Carson. "What are the chances it could make him more pleasant?"

"Oh, thank you!" Rodney sneered sarcastically.

"I'll keep an eye on him." John offered. "Captain, we'll finish your de-brief later. I know Caldwell wants all hands back on board to run some drills this afternoon."

"Yes sir." Jordan straightened.

"I'll see what I can pull from the consoles' drives." Alice dipped her head respectfully and back out of the room. Letting out a breath, that might have been one of the few times her and John had not shouted at each other. Though he barely cast a look at her.

Alice went straight to the lab, pulling out a large container and throwing in anything she thought she might need. Including a naquadah generator. Hopefully whatever Rodney had done hadn't overloaded the crystals. "You need any help?" Evan's voice was followed by the heavy step of his boots approaching her.

"Yeah, could you grab that scanner?" She pointed vaguely to the other side of the room.

Evan came back a few seconds later and placed the device in the box. "Thanks again for covering me yesterday." He said, as he grabbed a trolley and lifted the box onto it.

"No problem. Happy to help. Jordan seems really nice." Alice replied, keeping her eyes down.

"She is." Evan said in a measured tone. "Come on I'll help you drop this down to the lab, then I'm heading off-world."

"Anywhere interesting." She tried not to let any bitterness tarnish her tone, but it was difficult.

"Just recon, nothing you'd be want to do." Evan said, a smile in his voice.

Along with Radek, Alice had set up emergency lighting and power systems to try reactivate the control interface. Once they were set up, Alice was irritated to see Rodney heading towards them with John in tow.

Moving to the otherside of the room to him, Alice buried her head in her job. Trying to ignore his presence. However, It didn't take long before Rodney and Radek resumed their bickering from earlier. "What are you saying?"

"That you were showing off." Radek sighed, Alice assumed he regretted getting onto this topic. "If Captain Jordan weren't around, I doubt you would have been as reckless as you were."

"Are you insane?" Rodney's voice went high pitched, telling Alice he was obviously lying. Though Alice didn't realise he'd even noticed the Captain.

"Steph's great." John pipped up, seemingly suddenly interested in the conversation.

"Oh, you know her?" Radek replied.

"Ah, well. We might of uh-"

"Do you mind? We're trying to work here." Rodney interrupted. Alice felt her blood run cold.

"For the record, I was gonna say worked together." John said, but his tone was full of suggestion.

"Yeah, sure you were." Rodney snapped. "What've you got Aly?"

Alice couldn't bear to look up, whatever he was doing it was aimed at her and she couldn't let it bother her. She cleared her throat, not wanting to sound weak. "Nothing. Whatever you did fried all the power conduits leading into the room."

Rodney stood up looking incredulous. "Whatever I did?! Look, up until very recently this lab was entirely under water, quite possibly for over ten thousand years. How is that my fault?"

"Well, that part of it isn't." Radek said.

Rodney threw his datapad down onto the console, lifting his hands in the air. "OK, that's it. I'm going for lunch." And headed out the door, to Alice's relief taking John with him.

Once John had walked out of view, Alice let out a sigh and felt every muscle in her body relax. She hadn't even realised how tense she had been. "You okay?" Radek stepped closer to her.

"Yeah. Fine." She lied. Alice wiped her face, trying to draw her mind back to the small damp room and the problem in front of them. "Okay, why don't we try connecting up a naquadah generator, see if we can bypass the main power relays."

Radek hesitated, then nodded. "Alright, I'll grab a generator." He walked out the room to get the generator from the trolley they'd left outside.

Alice knew he'd be gone for at least a couple of minutes, she took in a deep breath. Trying to regain her composure.

Radek and Alice worked side by side quietly trying to jerry-rig a connection for the naquadah generator.

"Colonel Sheppard. Please have your team report to the Control Room immediately. Colonel Sheppard." Alice froze, Chuck's voice sounded through their ear pieces.

Normally, Alice would have dropped everything and run straight to the control room. But you're not on the team anymore, she thought to herself. Forcing her feet to stay still and her eyes to focus on the cords leading to the generator. If it was something important Alice knew they'd be contacted. "Alice, Doctor Zalenka please respond." Elizabeth's voice sounded in her ear.

"We're here, go ahead." Her fingers moved like lightning to answer her radio, dropping the cords keeping the separated.

"Colonel Sheppard's team are moving out with a team of Marines to assist Major Lorne's team."

"Evan?! Is everything okay?"

"They've encountered some Wraith resistance. We'll keep you updated."

Alice dropped her head. She should be going on this mission. It was infuriating to have to sit on the sidelines and just wait. "Is it always this hard to just wait?" She glanced over at Radek.

He gave her a sympathetic look. "Shall we try to power up?"

Alice swallowed, she knew Radek was trying to help keep her mind distracted. "Sure. Give me a second."

After a few attempts they managed to connect part of the console to their backup generator. Luckily it was the console that housed the Ancient scientists research notes.

Alice felt like she was knee deep in ancient script. "Radek..." she started warily. "We need to get Elizabeth down here now." She pointed to a particular section of text. Radek's Ancient wasn't the best, but even he'd be able to pick up the words that worried her.

"Doctor Weir, could you come down to the lab please?"

It didn't take Elizabeth long to arrive in their lab. "Doctor Weir. Any word?" Radek's question informed Alice of her arrival.

"Not yet." She said attempting to mask the worry. "It has only been an hour. You wanted to see me?" She glanced between the two of them.

"Yes. We managed to get power to part of the console to access the lab's research logs." Radek started.

"Well, that's good news." Elizabeth said.

"We're not so sure..." Alice stepped aside. "Take a look for yourself."

Elizabeth gave her a guarded look before stepping onto the podium and starting to read. "It seems much of this refers to different elements of human physiology. It mentions the mutation of base genetic coding."

Alice nodded beside her. "Although Carson said there was no physical evidence of any side effects. This device was..."

"... meant to manipulate human D.N.A." Elizabeth finished for her.

Alice's mouth pulled into a tight line. Before Elizabeth could say anything a channel opened on their radios. "Doctor Weir to the Jumper Bay. The rescue team has returned."

Elizabeth nodded to the both of them. "Let's go."

Running, the trio of them headed for the nearest transporter, taking it straight to the Jumper bay.

The door opened and they ran up the final flight of stairs to see the Jumper's rear hatch lowering.

"What else could it be?!" Alice heard Rodney shouting before she saw him.

"You're losing your mind!" John shouted back at him.

The door finally opened, and John stormed out with Rodney beside him. "I'm telling you, it's a bit of a coincidence!" Rodney was turning sightly red from yelling.

"Well, then, prove it!" John shouted back.

Alice glanced back and forth between the two, but the sight of Evan walking out of the Jumper took her focus. "Evan." She yelled, running forward to him. She didn't miss the small glare she got as she moved past John. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Aly." Evan chuckled at her.

Alice gave him a quick once over. There didn't seem to be any sign of an injury or blood. She glanced at the rest of his team, none of them looked like they had a scratch.

"How bad is it and who's been hurt?" Carson barrelled in behind them dragging a medical team with gurneys.

"No-one, Doc. We're all fine ... thanks to McKay." He gestured at Rodney while raising his eyebrows at Alice in obvious sarcasm and disbelief.

Alice did a double take. "Rodney?!"

"So he says." John added just as sarcastically.

Everyone turned to look at him. "Rodney?" Elizabeth pressed.

"Well, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure. I wasn't even sure it was me at first, but the correlation's impossible to ignore. I saw Lorne's team pinned down, the bad guys closing in - I just thought, you know, wouldn't it be great if all their weapons jammed at the same time?" As he explained his voice grew less certain.

John was biting his lip, as if trying not to laugh. Alice was staring at Rodney, she didn't know what to believe. Her mind running a million possibilities given what they'd just read about the machine.

"Next thing I know, they're all running away, so ..." he finished.

"So you think because you wanted it to happen, it just did." Elizabeth asked cynically.

Rodney sighed. "It was a little more than that." Elizabeth nodded sarcastically. "OK. You know what? Watch this. I'll, uh ..." He turned to face Carson and pointed at him. A series of gasps emanated from the group as Carson was raised off the ground.

"Rodney!" Carson yelled in terror, looking down at the ground below him.

"Rodney?" Elizabeth said warily.

"Believe me, I find this as disturbing as you do." Rodney mumbled.

"Like bloody hell you do!" Carson shouted, his body rigid with fear.

"Put him down." Elizabeth said softly.

Slowly Rodney lowered his hand and Carson floated gently down to the floor. He sighed in relief as his feet touched the ground. "Oh, God!"

Alice and Radek exchanged a panic glance. Carson approached Rodney warily with John and Elizabeth. "We'll see you in the lab." Alice grabbed Radek's arm and ran for the transporter.

—-

Alice knelt down to plug in her datapad into the console. John and Elizabeth were working across the lab on stations Radek had set up to continue reading the researchers logs. Alice, on the other hand, was trying to reconnect power to the main machine. She could hear them talking softly between them, though if it was anything related to Rodney they would call both her and Radek.

"Yes, you can be next." Elizabeth said, her voice suddenly raised and exasperated.

Alice looked up to see John smiling eagerly. "Thank you!"

She rolled her eyes, of course he wanted to be the next in line to get his DNA manipulated. If they'd known what the device had done beforehand he'd probably had twisted their arms to test it on him.

Elizabeth shook her head in disappointment and headed for the door. "Call me if you find anything else."

A synonymous grunt of agreement sounded around the room. Alice rose from below the console and started remapping the conduits, tuning out everything else happening around her.

That was until John's low voice next to her ear almost made her jump out of her skin. "How's your bruises feeling?"

Alice reactively moved to touch her still healing nose and cheek. "Fine, thanks. Still a bit sore."

"That's good, I'm glad to hear it." John put his hands in his pockets, then took them out again. "About earlier." Alice swallowed, her heart beating fast. She hoped John hadn't noticed her reaction to his close presence. "I just wanted to say, Steph- Jordan and I were friends when we were stationed in Kabul. Maybe it was a bit more then that, but it was a long time ago. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Alice stopped working, her mind raced as to why John would feel the need to explain that to her. "Oh okay, she..she seems very capable." She winced at her attempt to sound casual. "Is that all?"

"I just…um…Yeah." He muttered.

"Would you mind checking the emergency breakers then, I don't want to short this system out again." She let her hair swing down to cover her face, hoping to cover her embarrassment.

"Of course."

She could just see the corner of his smile through the small gaps in her hair. He turned his back to her and started walking over to where the breakers were, her eyes stayed trained on his back as he moved.

"Alice, could you report to the Chair room. Rodney is attempting...something."

Alice packed up her gear and walked to the chair room, unsure exactly what Elizabeth meant. When she got there Rodney was just about to get in the chair.

"Hey Aly, don't worry I'm just going to be running a few programs to improve our power distribution efficiency." Rodney rattled off before Alice had a chance to open her mouth. "Yes, i know what I'm doing and it's perfectly safe." He sat up suddenly, staring side eyed at her. "You think I'm a -"

"Rodney!" She snapped, slightly bewildered. Rodney had seemingly answered all the thoughts in her head.

"Um...yes. I can read minds. Elizabeth wants you to monitor what i'm doing." He scoffed. "Not that you could keep up. Yes, yes. I know you could pound my ass, now let's get started."

Her mouth slightly agape she looked over at Ronon, who just shrugged.

Rodney lent back in the chair and the room powered up. Alice shook herself out of her stupor and moved to look at the manual interface for the chair. As much as she hated to admit, she was struggling to follow everything Rodney was doing.

Eventually Alice called down a few other scientists, hoping they could help her decipher what Rodney was doing.

"What the hell is he doing?" Alice looked away from the screen to see Radek walking in.

"Don't ask me." Ronon muttered from his spot on the floor.

"Actually, I wasn't." Radek muttered, glancing over at Alice.

Alice just let out a breath. "Honestly, i have no clue."

Radek pinched the bridge of his nose and walked up to the chair. "Rodney, you are affecting power all over the city."

"I know, Awesome, isn't it?"

"No. I can't work."

Alice stepped up beside them. "It's just temporary." Rodney mumbled.

"Rodney, I'm trying to determine if that device did any permanent damage to you. Quite frankly, given your usually rampant hypochondria, I'm surprised you don't seem to care."

Rodney turned his head and looks at him. "You're jealous."

"That is ridiculous. You should be working with me trying to figure out what is happening to you. Instead, you're here burying your head in the sand." Radek started raising his voice.

"That is not true." He looked up above the Chair to the holograms projected above. "My head - which happens to be housing my ever-evolving brain - is actually being better utilised here doing important things that will affect everybody."

Radek sighed and looked at Alice. She shrugged. "I'll come back and help. There's not much I can do here. I have a program recording everything he's doing anyways." Radek muttered in Czech throwing his hands up in the air exasperatedly. "Esposito, can you take over." She handed her the main datapad and followed as Radek stormed out of the chair room.

Alice tapped on her screen. They'd been partially able to reactivate the panel, but it was in a very delicate spot. "Alright Radek I'm going to start feeding in more power through the bypass."

Right before Alice could adjust the settings, the room plunged into darkness.

"That's it." Radek slammed his note pad down on the console. "I will kill him, he is nuts, complete idiot."

Alice pulled up the city's power system on her datapad. Her fingers moving quickly over the screen. The crystals lit up as she worked, she reached out to start rearranging them, to account for the power change. "Radek, just give it a minute. I can divert power from another section. Just give me one more-" The warning appeared just seconds before she heard the familiar high-pitched sound of an energy surge. The crystal tray erupted into a explosion of sparks surging up towards her hands. She let out a shriek of pain and was thrown backwards against the wall, narrowly missing an arc of blue electricity as it shot across the wall and out the door.

Her relief only lasted a few seconds as she heard a blood curling scream. "Radek!" Ignoring the pain in her hands she ran outside. The Czech scientist was lying face down, smoke coming off his body. "Medical Emergency! We need help in corridor Alpha Gulf seven."

Alice rolled Radek onto his back and placed two fingers on his neck. Nothing. She dropped her head onto his chest ignoring the smell of burnt flesh. Whilst she listened for a heart beat she watched for any sign of breathing. Again nothing. "Come on Radek." She sat up positioning her hands on his chest and started pumping her hands down on his chest. 28...29...30. She stopped tilting his head back and pinching his nose she breathed into his mouth and then resumed compressing his chest. "Don't do this to me."

"Aly!" Carson came screaming around the corner with a team of medics in his wake.

"Here!" She cried, moving back allowing Carson to take over. "He's not breathing and I can't find a pulse." Her voice was trembling.

"Okay, we need to get him to the infirmary now." Carson ordered and the other medics started prepping the gurney, placing an oxygen pump over his mouth. Alice reached up and wiped her face, taking in a sharp intake of breath. "Oh god your hands." Carson was looking at her.

Alice didn't know what he was talking about, then a dull throb started in her hands and she realised her entire body was trembling. She pulled her hands away from her face to see them bleeding and burnt.

"Nurse!" Carson yelled and gestured to Alice.

Before she knew it her hands were being wrapped in salve and she was on her way with Radek to the infirmary. Carson riding on the edge still administering CPR.

The nurse led Alice to a bed, but she couldn't take her eyes of Carson and Radek. "Come on, Radek, come on. He's not breathing - we need to intubate. Start an I.V., wide open. Get that monitor set up." They stopped the gurney beside a bed. "Right - on my count. One, two, three."

The team pulled Radek across onto the bed. Alice flinched as the nurse pulled back her bandaging, but she didn't take her eyes of Radek. Even from where she was sitting she could see a huge and bloody burn on his chest.

"Radek!" Alice heard Rodney call out, as he ran in the room with John and Elizabeth.

"Get the leads set up, please. He's in V-tach. Prepare to de-fib." The team connected small contacts to Radek's chest. Carson then grabbed the paddles and rubbed them together as the defibrillator whines. "Clear."

"No!" Rodney yelled, stepping forward to Radek's side.

"Rodney, the man is dying." Carson said bewildered.

"I know. Just give me a second. I know." Rodney closed his eyes and put his hands on Radek's chest. Alice stretched up, ignoring the protests from her nurse, as Rodney lifted his hands away, and she could hear Radek drawing in a deep breath.

Carson grabbed his stethoscope and placed in on Radek's chest. "Heart rate's good; breathing's steady." Alice stared at the scene before her in disbelief. "Pulse is good."

Alice slid herself off the bed, careful to keep her hands raised. "Just..." she said to the nurse who had started complaining. Slowly she made her way over to the bed, Radek opened his eyes and was looking up at them in surprise.

"Radek, are you OK?" Elizabeth asked breaking the silence.

He propped himself up onto his elbows, glancing around at them and down at his ripped shirt. "What happened?"

Alice turned to look at Rodney, but when all that she saw was empty space. "Doctor Riley please." The nurse appeared beside her. Her voice a mix between a plea and an order.

"Riles... your hands." John's voice brought her back to her senses.

Alice glanced back down at her hands, the burns had started bleeding again. "I'm fine." She mumbled gently.

"Doctor." The nurse huffed.

"Listen to them." John urged softly, his gently felt like they were gently begging her to just give in for once.

"Okay." Alice felt like her brain couldn't process what had just happened. Radek had died, he wasn't breathing, and Rodney brought him back.

The nurse led her back over to the bed and started treating her hands. John lingered beside her, watching as the nurse started peeling off the first aid bandages.

The burns barely stung as the nurse cleaned the wounds, Alice wasn't sure if that was because of shock or because of the depth of the burn. She kept her head up and her eyes off the burnt flesh, knowing looking at it would only make the pain real. So instead she looked at John, analysing the deep creases in his forehead as he watched the nurse critically.

His gaze drifted as he heard Carson walking over, and before turning away to walk back over to Elizabeth his eyes met hers. "I'm going to have to start reserving a bed here for you now." Carson tutted as he walked over, dismissing the nurse and gently cradling her hands.

Alice carefully shifted her eyes to his. "Sorry Doc..." She could still just make out John glancing occasionally over his shoulder towards her.

Carson sighed. "We'll get you sorted. And while you're here we can check on your nose and cheek as well."

She didn't feel like she had the strength to nod, let alone speak. Everything suddenly felt like it was overwhelming.

—-

Alice stood over the Ancient lab's console. Her hands were completely wrapped with a special salve to heal her burned skin.

According to Carson, she'd received second degree electrical burns to her palms and wrists. Her fingertips still showed through the bandages allowing her to interact with the consoles and tablets. A small blessing.

He'd also given her some strong painkillers as once her shock wore off she's was apparently going to be in for a world of hurt. The pills were currently forgotten in the pocket of her jacket.

Alice stared at the screen, Rodney had tried analysing the machine earlier for a way to reverse the effects but they'd had no luck. He'd given up and said he'd wanted to make the most of his time, but Alice wasn't ready yet. Instead of reversing, she was looking for anything that would allow her to stop or slow the progression. At least buying them some time to figure out a new plan.

"Should you really be working?" John's voice sounded behind her.

Looking over her shoulder she saw him standing casually in the doorway, it looked like he might have been there a few minutes deciding what to say.

It didn't surprise her that he was there, in fact she'd almost expected to see him at some point. "What do you expect me to do? Sit back and watch Rodney die..." Her voice was harsher than intended. She turned back to her console and hit a few more keys.

"This isn't on you. We're going to figure something out." He said gently.

"And how are we going to do that?!" She snapped. "Every minute Rodney's brain evolves more, and pretty soon he's either going to have to ascend or..." she stopped. "And we know Rodney's not exactly the spiritual type. Oh, and not to mention the fact Radek almost died because of my incompetence."

She heard John's footsteps approaching her. "No matter what happens, it won't be because you didn't try."

She let out a harsh laugh. "Yeah and look where me trying has got us so far." Her hands ached as she continued to type harshly on the panel.

"That wasn't your fault." He reached out and grasped her hands.

She winced as his hands brought hers away. "I was adjusting the power relays and must have caused an overload. He almost died because..." Turning away from the screen she looked at John.

"Riles. Rodney was playing with the entire cities power network. There were outages and spikes across the city. It was just a freak accident. And Radek is fine." He looked down at her hands. "If you're not careful you'll make them bleed again. Take a breath."

Alice gave him a sarcastic look. "Why do you care so much?" But he just gave her serious one back. Dropping her eyes she took in a deep breath, and slowly let it out through her mouth.

"Better? Now, how can I help?"

"By leaving." She didn't mean it to come out as harsh as it did, but she also couldn't handle his pity.

John winced slightly, but dipped his head. "I guess I deserve that."

"It's just hard to be around you." Her eyes focused on the console, she didn't want him to see the tears starting to water in her eyes.

She felt him gently let go of her hands "Just because we aren't together doesn't mean we stopped caring about eachother or that we can't be in eachothers lives. Take the pain killers, please." Then he walked out of the room.

It felt like a stone had been dropped in her stomach. For a while she was able to work, her concentration entirely focused on the task at hand. But as her mind grew weary and the pain in her hands intensified she couldn't help but let part of her mind linger on his words. He wanted to be part of her life, even if it wasn't as her partner.

The small part of her mind considered this, and tried to wrap her mind around all their recent interactions and conversations. Since their last screaming match, without her noticing she'd thrown up all her old walls. The barriers she'd created to defend herself.

The walls that interpreted every word and action from John as a threat to her. Something that could hurt her, when it wasn't the case.

She realised her hands had stopped moving on the console. Gently she stretched out her fingers, a small gasp of pain escaped her lips. The skin under the bandages was so fragile every move she made felt like it was tearing apart the scabs that had started to form.

Opening her vest pocket she slipped the tablets onto her tongue. Knowing she wouldn't be able to focus on anything with the strong drugs running through her system, she packed up and headed back to the main tower.

The small part of her mind she'd allowed to dwell on John, grew the closer she got to the tower.

Alice walked back through the halls balancing her tablet on her forearm trying to scroll through pages of text.

"Of course light behaves as particles, why wouldn't you consider..." a muttering Rodney turned the corner, Alice glanced back and forth to see if anyone was following him, but he was alone. And apparently unaware of anything around him as he continued to mutter and head towards his lab. She'd thought he was supposed to be with John and practicing to meditate.

She stopped walking and looked down the way Rodney had come. John's quarters were just three doors down. Alice bit her lip. In her slightly drugged state, she decided she needed to apologise for how she spoke to him earlier. Looking around to make sure no one was around, she slid down the hall and waved her hand over the door panel.

A few seconds later the door opened to John, looking down at a magazine. "Rodney it's not going-" Alice cleared her throat. "Oh. You're not Rodney."

Alice smiled hesitantly. "Glad you can tell. I uh...just saw him going the other way. The meditation not going well?"

John closed the magazine and pinched his nose between his index and middle finger. "You could say that."

Alice felt her face pull into a frown as her eyes drifting back to where she'd last seen Rodney. "But...he'll be able to, right?"

"Maybe once he realises there's no alternative." John shrugged, his eyes drifted over her. "You okay?"

Alice tried to smile, her hands started to ache as she realised she was balling them up into fists. Anxiety made her feel like her chest was about to burst. "Sure. I'll see you later." Pivoting on her heels she headed for the lab.

"Riles." She heard him call out, but she kept walking. She'd completely chickened out.

Alice was so lost in her own thoughts, she almost ran into Elizabeth who was walking out of Rodney's lab. "Sorry!" Alice jumped backwards, but Elizabeth looked like she hadn't even noticed her there. Her eyes were glazed over. "Elizabeth, is everything okay?"

"Hmm" Elizabeth finally stopped and looked up at her. "Oh Alice, sorry I didn't see you there." She gave her a strained smile.

"Yeah…What's going on?" Alice glanced inside the room where she could see Rodney with his head in his hands on the desk. "Is everything okay with Rodney?" Elizabeth went to turn her head back to Rodney, but stopped herself. "I mean more than…right…" Alice scrunched up her face. "I was just going to see if I could help him with his theories."

"I'm sure he'll appreciate that." Elizabeth said, keeping her strained smile plastered on her face. Then she dropped her head walking down the hall.

Alice hesitated at the door, rocking back and forth. Suddenly she didn't feel like this was such a good idea. Flipping her hair behind her shoulders, she took in a breath and walked in the door. "Hey Rodney, how you doing?"

Rodney lifted his head out of his face. "Oh Aly, I…uh…didn't hear you. It's good you're here." He screwed up his face. "I, uh, need to say something to you."

Alice raised her eyebrows. "Sure." She turned to grab a stool, dragging it across and sitting down. "What's up?"

"You've been so good to me." He sighed, Alice's eyes flickered around the room suspiciously wondering if someone was going to jump out from behind a table and yell punk'd. But Rodney looked dead serious. "And I've never truly shown how appreciate I am for it. You've never been afraid to tell me when I'm wrong, and no matter how petty or vindictive I've been you've always had my back." Alice felt like she must have been transported to an alternate universe. "I don't think i've even said thank you to you before."

"Rodney..." Alice started, wanting to stop him. She knew this tone, it was the voice of someone who was sure they were about to die.

"Please don't." He gave her a sad smile, causing Alice to stop speaking. "Now there isn't anything I could about getting you back on active duty, and there's no way I'm going to get in between you and Sheppard." Alice couldn't help let a small smile spread on her cheeks. "But, I know how much this expedition means to you, so I have asked Elizabeth to name you second-in-command of the research and development team."

Alice's jaw almost hit the floor. "What the hell?! You can't do that. There are so many people here that are smarter and more experienced...you just can't..."

Rodney smirked. "Smarter, maybe." He looked smugly down at himself. "But no one is better suited. C'mon you used to be second-in-command of the military division here, you're bright and you're the second best person to go to in a crisis."

Alice shook her head knowing the top person he was talking about was him. "What about Radek?"

Rodney flicked his hand. "He doesn't want that kind of responsibility. You're not getting out of this."

Alice smiled and grabbed Rodney's hand. "Thank you." Then she lunged forward enveloping him into a hug.

"You're welcome. Now, I have some more apologies to go make." He pulled back and headed out the door, but paused. "I know I said I wasn't going to get involved, but you really should talk to Sheppard. He really cares about you." Rodney smiled. "Trust me you don't want to be able to hear his thoughts when you're in the room."

Alice went back to the Ancient lab, there had to be something else she could do. It was hard to picture Atlantis without Rodney, despite how arrogant and pigheaded he could be, he was like a brother to her.

"Doctor Riley, report to the infirmary immediately."

Alice froze, it had to be Rodney. Spinning on the spot she ran for the Infirmary. When she got there Rodney was sat up in a bed cords attached everywhere. "The synaptic activity in your brain has reached over ninety percent." Carson was just finishing up as Alice approached. Teyla and Ronon were standing at Rodney's side. Teyla's hands clasped together so it looked like she was praying. John and Elizabeth were stood on the opposite side. "I don't know why, but it seems the more pervasive evolved state of the cortex is causing lapses in the lower brain function. It's almost as if your body's losing its natural ability to keep itself alive."

"When ascension occurs naturally, the physical body's no longer necessary in the final stages." Elizabeth said softly.

"Rodney, I don't know how much more you can take." Carson sighed.

Rodney smiled faintly. "About six percent?"

"There must be something we can do." John pressed, his voice tense.

"It's OK. You know, I'm actually feeling a sense of peace ... interspersed with moments of sheer terror, of course." Rodney replied weakly.

John knelt down so his head was level with Rodney's. "Rodney, as far as this ascension thing, I know you didn't have much success but at this point, what've you got to lose?"

"May as well go out fighting, huh?" Rodney murmured.

"Absolutely." John agreed.

A new resolve appeared in Rodney's face. "Hook me up." Carson nodded and picked up the headband. "Carson? Thank you. Thank you for everything."

"I only wish I could have done more, my friend." Carson attached the headband to Rodney's head, then activated it.

"Clear blue skies. All my troubles, just drifting away. OK ..." Rodney whispered, closing his eyes. "... stop talking now."

Alice looked up to see John smiling to himself. "Rodney, you're a good person. Know that we love you." Elizabeth grabbed his hand.

Rodney smiled. "You love me? Really? All of you?"

"In a way a friend feels about another friend." John added awkwardly.

"You're just saying that because I'm gonna die." The heart monitor increased slightly. "Oh, God. I can't believe I'm gonna die."

John exchanged an alarmed glance with Elizabeth. "Alright - just back to the blue skies. Let your thoughts go. Concentrate on your breathing."

Alice clenched her hands together her eyes focused on the EEG. Slowly it beeped, dropping from 03 Hz to 2 and then to 1Hz. Carson looked away. "Oh, my God." His voice was so broken and wracked with grief.

Alice and the others jumped back as Rodney surged up in the bed, grabbing Carson by the lapels of his medical coat. Then as quickly as it happened, machines started beeping frantically and Rodney dropped back onto the bed convulsing. Carson didn't waste a second. "He's not breathing. Quick, bag him. We need to get him on a ventilator."

Alice pursed her lips, finding it difficult to watch. "Carson, he gave us strict orders ..."

"You don't understand. He just told me how to save him."

—-

For the second time that day, Alice stood in front of John's door. Rodney's plan had worked and they'd been able to reverse the effects of the machine by using DNA samples Carson had of his in storage.

But Rodney's words had stuck with her. If anything, the last couple of days reminded her that anything can happen, at any time, and she needed to say what she needed to say before the chance was taken away from her.

She waved her bandaged hand over the crystals then took a step back, her hands clasped behind her back. It was almost midnight, but she knew John would still be awake, just like she knew he would answer the door dressed in a pair of track pants, a panda shirt and a beer in his hand. "Riles?" He looked around warily. "Is everything okay?"

She pulled her shoulders down and swallowed her nerves. "Yeah, fine. I…um…would it be okay if I came in?"

John looked suspiciously at her, but took a sip of the beer in his hand and gestured for her to come in. Alice stepped inside and walked over to take a seat on the sofa. She'd spent so much time in here that it felt weird to be treated as a visitor.

John went to the small fridge in the corner of his room - a new addition since she'd last been here - and fished out another beer. He walked over, opening it before he handed it to her then sat down on his desk chair opposite her. He picked at the rim of his can. He didn't say anything, she knew he was waiting for her to start.

She took a gulp of the beer, hoping it would help settle the butterflies in her stomach. "I've been thinking about what you said…You were right, just because we aren't…together… doesn't mean we stopped caring." She took in a small breath to steady her voice. "I've been thinking a lot about us. I know I can't take back what I did, and I don't regret staying. But I realised I never said sorry." She sighed, dropping her eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier, and for everything else." She stopped, waiting for him to say something. Maybe yell at her, or tell her she was being ridiculous.

John's eyes were focused on the can in his hand. Alice felt her heart jump into her throat as she waited for him to speak. "Do you know that I thought…Every time I see you it's like someone ripping off a bandaid, over and over again." He stopped. Her heart sank, and a hollow opened up within her, filling her with coldness. He took in a strained breath. "Six months..." John said softly. "Do you know how much I hated you during that time?"

Alice felt tears streaming down her face now. "I never meant to hurt you. But, I was scared…and I was wrong." She could hear her voice trembling, but she needed him to know. Before she'd left, the thought of a future of a commitment to John had felt suffocating. But after spending time with the Athosians and seeing them live with their families, no labels or official titles like marriage had changed her mind. She wanted to be with him, and just be them. "I never thought I'd see you again, and while I was on New Athos it was easy to pretend I did the right thing. That I was fine without you. But being around you again, seeing you I realise how wrong I was."

John looked broken, defeated. He slumped back down on his chair. Alice had never seen him like that before. "I know, but you still did it. And as much as I want to move past this, I don't think I can." His eyes wouldn't meet hers.

Alice wiped her eyes, taking in a shaky breath. "Okay." There was nothing more to say now. Gently placing the beer can down on the side she rose from her chair and walked towards the door.

She felt something warm grab her hand. Tears had already started streaming down her face, but she turned around to face him. "But it doesn't mean I don't care. Maybe we could just be…" she knew he was going to say friends, and also how lame it would same. The face John was pulling told her he thought the same.

"Friends." She said softly, letting a smile tug on the corner of her mouth. Then without another word she walked out the door.

A weight felt like it had been lifted from her shoulders, but despite that, there was a distinct pain in her heart that felt like it was being torn apart. Out of all the injuries she'd ever suffered, including her still burnt hands, this was worse.