Chapter 37/40


Clarke and Lexa must have sat by the airlock for hours. It had been so long that the sky flooded its depths with an orange intensity that set their faces aglow. It had been so long that the cool of the day was slowly chased back into the night by the gentle warming of a waking sun. It had been so long that they had sat by the airlock that Clarke could almost let herself pretend that her life had never taken the turns it had.

Clarke watched as the sun slowly rose higher and higher into the sky. Stars that had once brightened the night sky were chased into its receding depths and the brave few that remained shone their light with as much strength as they could muster.

Clarke let herself think over the last few days. She let herself think over the things that had been said, that had been thought and felt. She wondered what her life would be like, she wondered if it was all a dream and she wondered if it was nothing more than the fading hopes of a dying mind.

She smiled as two birds danced together upon the wind, she felt an ache in her heart as a cloud drifted by, perhaps in search of another, perhaps to escape the wind that tore it apart. She found a contentedness fill her heart as she looked down at the trees far below, at the leaves that were more sea of green awash with the sun's light.

"Where do we go from here?" Clarke asked so quietly lest she break the calm.

She didn't need to face Lexa to know she was stared at, she didn't need to do anything, really. She could feel Lexa's eyes on her, she could feel the heat of her body, she could feel so many things within her heart that she shouldn't be able to comprehend all that she did.

She knew Lexa to be thinking of what to say, perhaps even playing out conversations in her mind as she struggled with how to put words to emotions, pains, angers and loves.

"I—" Lexa seemed to pause before her words could even be formed. And in that silence that followed Clarke could feel something beginning to build, she could feel a tension somewhere deep within her own heart that she knew Lexa would feel just as much. "I do not know," Lexa said eventually.

Something in the way Lexa whispered those words forced Clarke to pull her gaze from the beauty of the waking lands. Something in the way Lexa's voice wriggled itself into the fibres of her body forced her to take in the dark of the shadows that cascaded around them both, and something deep down, something primal, something so very desperate begged her to look, to see.

"I do not know where we go from here," Lexa whispered, her voice so quiet, so small that it seemed open, laid bare for the world to see. "But I would be by your side, Klark," Lexa swallowed something full of hurt. "If you would have me."

Clarke could see a wetness beginning to build at the corners of Lexa's eyes. She could feel a hope, a want, something full of regret and something full of acceptance for whatever she could say. She didn't need to hear that Lexa regretted whatever decisions she had made. She didn't need Lexa to beg or to plead. She knewall those things already. And perhaps the fact that she need not have Lexa voice her thoughts was enough of a sign that together they could build something. If only because Clarke didn't know if she could do it alone.

"Give me your hand," perhaps Clarke should have worded it differently, perhaps she could have tried to say what she wanted to say with more tact. But she didn't quite think she could muster the courage. Not yet anyway.

Lexa didn't seem to mind, though. There was the most subtle of pauses before she reached out ever so slowly with her hand. And then, perhaps after mere moments, perhaps after breathless seconds or countless hours, their hands touched. There was heat, there was cold, there was warmth and so much tension in both of them that Clarke could almost fool herself into thinking that the Ark was lifting up into the sky, that the shaking she felt was from some force far greater than either one of them could contain.

And yet, as their fingers intertwined, and as they both dared not look away from whatever was between them, Clarke found herself settling, she found herself calming.

And maybe having someone by her side that could understand, in some way, what she had gone through was what she had needed.

And so?

"Together?" Clarke asked, and she didn't quite know what she asked, she didn't quite know what door she held open. Maybe she didn't care. Maybe finding out where it lead was good enough.

And so Lexa answered.

"Together."


Alexandria paced back and forth slowly outside the medbay. The hallway was filled with warriors, some standing, others sitting on the ground, hands on weapons and eyes closed as they took a moment to rest. Despite not quite liking Arkadia's interior, she found she couldn't be away from Nessa too long, even the call for fresh air did little to soothe her worries for longer than a few much needed moments. And so she paused as she came to the far wall, she took in a measured breath and she turned and began walking back the way she had travelled.

Alexandria didn't walk because she was uncertain of what to do. She didn't pace because she was fretting, anxious or nervous. Truthfully she didn't really know why she walked. Perhaps she did simply to exercise while being close to Nessa or perhaps to think.

She knew life would change, that much was certain. She knew so much would be different living in Polis and part of her worried for Nessa. She didn't worry about their belongings and their home. They would be brought to Polis in time. But she'd be lying to herself if she didn't at least admit that part of her didn't know how Nessa would adjust after so long. She knew her daughter didn't remember life in Polis, she had been too young. But perhaps she would adapt.

Perhaps the most frustrating thing though, was the very real fact that there was no real choice in the matter. Lexa would hear none of it. And yet Alexandria understood. She understood the desire to keep her family safe. She understood her fear of attack.

Alexandria shook herself, she settled her breathing and she took in a steadying breath. Despite everything that had happened, at least her family was whole. That was really all she cared for. Home would be wherever they made it, as long as her family was safe.

And so Alexandria decided to cast aside all darkening thoughts as she made her way back to where Nessa lay in bed.


It was still early morning when Clarke began making her way back down the twisting halls of the fallen Ark. Lexa remained by her side, part shadow, part ghost to her steps. The warriors that accompanied them moved with the motions they made, each one ever quiet, each one ever present.

Awkwardness sat upon her shoulders, but there was a relief that flickered in the dark. That seemed to lighten the weight on her shoulders. At least it made her feel less like the animal caged and trapped behind her emotions. She didn't even know how to describe whatever now existed between her and Lexa. It wasn't something so kind as to be called a relationship, perhaps not even friendship. But maybe it was something coloured by shared experiences, shared pains and regrets that were as equally felt as they were experienced in some way or another. And yet there was a comfort, something distinct and all together unfamiliar. Or maybe Clarke had let herself think for so long, for too long, that she had become lost in her rambling thoughts of disorder and chaos.

And maybe the only thing that steadied her pain, that was her only constant going forward, was the fact that for some reason she truly, truly believed that Lexa would be there with her.

She hoped that would be enough.

"What's Polis like?" she asked then, maybe in an attempt to lighten the tension between them. Perhaps simply because she was curious.

Lexa seemed taken aback by the question, but as Clarke glanced at her from the corner of her eye she was sure she saw a lightness beginning to appear upon her face.

"All clans live there," Lexa said quietly, her voice gentle enough that it didn't break the calm that was following them as they continued to descend the Ark. "There is a tower in its centre where the Commander resides, Klark," and Lexa seemed to pause for a moment. "You will be given quarters there."

"I see," and Clarke didn't really think she had thought too hard about where exactly she would be staying in Polis. But she thought it made sense to house her wherever the Commander was. If only because she knew Lexa would rather her close. "And Nessa and Alexandria?" she asked.

"They will be given quarters in the tower too, Klark," she hadn't really needed to ask, Lexa's answer was easily guessed. But at least it let Clarke feel happy that she would be able to spend time with them.

"Will I—" she paused again. "Will we be allowed out of the tower?"

"Yes," and this time Lexa paused, her motion commanding enough that Clarke found herself coming to a stop too. "Polis is safe," and Lexa's voice seemed to grow stronger with an intense conviction that held no wavering doubt. "Far safer than the forests. You will be guarded and no one will dare come for you or my family, Klark."

Clarke found her gaze moving between Lexa's eyes. All she saw was sincerity and belief but for a moment she found herself wondering why Lexa had hidden away Nessa and her her mother if Polis had been so safe. But she discarded that thought. At least for the moment. It wouldn't do her any good to bring up what were so clearly old wounds still to heal.

Lexa must have sensed something though for her eyes became worried, became guarded, and her brows furrowed just enough that it creased her forehead and threatened to wrinkle her face into something Clarke couldn't fathom.

"It's nothing, Lexa," she said and she tried to keep her voice as calm as she could. "Trust me."

Lexa remained quiet and Clarke could almost see the conversations flowing within her mind before she sighed and nodded her head.

"Ok," Lexa began moving then and Clarke found herself falling into step beside her, the warriors ever constant as they shadowed their steps.


Clarke and Lexa continued walking through the Ark in awkward silence. It didn't take them long until they came down to the more habited areas. People already had begun moving about in the early morning. Most half asleep, some perhaps returning to their quarters after a long night shift.

It didn't surprise Clarke that many they passed seemed to shy away from Lexa, from her warriors and their presence. She didn't even really know what the alliance between Skaikru and the Coalition was at the moment. Perhaps that would be another thing she would need to figure out in the coming days.

Clarke winced slightly as she took an overly optimistic step forward, whatever pains in her ribs having done little to subside further in the last few days.

"I'm ok," she said as she sensed Lexa's worry. "Just sore," she was thankful she wasn't more seriously hurt. She didn't even know how she had avoided hurting herself more permanently with her fall down the ridge-line. But she wouldn't complain, not when the lands had blessed her with such stupid luck.

And so Clarke squared her shoulders and steadied herself as she continued walking. She didn't know what she'd do in the next few days, but perhaps the easiest thing for her to do was to simply take one small thing at a time. But first? She wanted to see Nessa.