Thank you Everyone for all the reviews! - Keep with me I promise they will be 'together' soon
Chapter Thirty - Seven
Eam coepi in Autumpno precii - 'It began in Autumn'
September 20th 1989
12.46pm
The blazing sun beamed down creating a muggy heat that pressed down uncomfortably, even sweating was no good. It trickled down the back of the neck like a warm soup, hair clinging to the head like thermal blankets. Henry groaned as he wiped his forehead, he was locked in this ball of fire, his mind screaming out for the colder, darker months again; desperate for Autumn to come around.
Dear Elizabeth,
Hey, How are you? Can I start a letter with that? You're probably wondering why I am even writing to you, I've been gone for nearly six months now and you haven't heard from me; but the truth is I've written this letter a few times now I've just never sent it.
Elizabeth I wanted to take the time to explain; I know I hurt you and I do not even deserve for you to read this letter but please if you are reading just hear me out. I thought I was doing the right thing; I swear. I just wanted to protect us, keep our little 'Hank and Elibet' bubble alive, I wasn't ready for it to hit the ground and burst. I didn't think telling you that I would be leaving for a significant number of months was the appropriate thing to do on a date, and the lie just got out of hand, it was never the right time and for that I am sorry. I know that by keeping it from you I've made things un-repairable and I am so sorry for that. I really am.
Did you know maureen had a baby girl? Lily; She was born April 14th. I missed her birth by two weeks, I cannot wait to see her. Thinking about her makes me think about the future we could have had; I would given anything to have seen you with Lily, and maybe with a child of our own one day. I began thinking about it; marriage, a home and children, I wanted it all with you. I guess I betrayed myself too.
When I told you; gosh I will never get the images of how hurt you were out of my head, I hope you're healing I cannot stand the thought of you hurting, especially because of me. I hope you are able to see that I did love you so much Elizabeth; who am I kidding I still do Love you and I always will. I don't know if I can even say that, what right do I have? I started to fall for you in the autumn but I still love you during the summer, and will for all the summers to come.
Mum is poorly; she has terminal cancer. She is ok so I've been told, a little weak but ok. She has a about six months to two years, yeah I know as a mathematician that gap in numbers will irritate you. I am hoping she makes it to six - seven months because at least I can finish this tour and get home to her. I wanted to come home but she wouldn't let me, she said she had all the help she needed. Typical mother. I think dad is struggling with it, and god knows how Maureen is coping with this news and Lily. Anyway that isn't why I am writing this letter.
I am writing this letter to tell you how sorry I am and that I still love you so much. I have tried to block you from my mind and forget about you and everything we had but I can't; you're the one for me and I need you. I find myself wondering if you've had a good day, have you had your head in the books, are you eating properly? Or have you drank enough? It might not be my place to ask these questions anymore but I will always care for you. I don't even know if you took the offer of the early start with the CIA? I hope you did, because I know if you didn't that would be my fault and oh god, I'm so sorry if you didn't, I'm such a jerk.
You're beautiful Elizabeth, you're the most amazing person I've ever met and I would give anything to see you again, make it up to you, show you how sorry I am and fight for us. I should never have walked away, I knew that but I was too proud. I got scared; what if I lied to you again? What if I didn't tell you about another deployment? My fear was that I wouldn't have told you yet again because I don't want that bubble to burst. But through all of that I forgot that you wouldn't let me, you'd be by my side and that your hands will also be there to stop the bubble hitting the ground.
I will be heading home a little early from this tour because of mom, hopefully I can find a way to see you. I might even stop by your house at the chance you're still there? I will be flying home on the 14th March - a few months yet but I would love to see you or meet up with you. I'll add my return address on the back of this letter, maybe we can start this again? Maybe we can go back to autumn?
I love you so much, take care Elizabeth Adams
All my love,
Always
Henry McCord
Henry placed his pen down and read over his letter again and again. His brow began to sweat as all the reason not to send this letter came flooding in, as if his body had sent them an invitation. A soft panic situated in the pit of his stomach, and just like the heat of the day it began to grow and burn at his core. He tilted his head back and was blinded instantly by the sun; in his frustration he crumpled up the letter and threw it onto the pile, it landed on approximately twenty other letters that had been written by Henry to Elizabeth that day. The heat has gotten to him. The heat licked at his sunburned face and coiled around his limbs, intensifying ever emotion running through his body. The ground smouldered and set up a disorienting haze; a haze Henry had fallen victim of and talked himself out of sending every single letter.
