Chapter 37: Please don't tell me that.

Clay falters, his head spins and suddenly overwhelmed by a nauseous feeling his legs buckle beneath him.

Jason grabs his arm "Whoa there! I got ya. You alright?"

"Yeah" Clay steadies himself, leaning against the side of the truck behind his back while pulling himself away from Jason's hold.

Crouching down, he takes a moment. Head in hands trying to catch his breath and take on board what Ash just told him. "Wait! What? ... No, she um... she...she was getting her flight. She .. she ... was meant to text me her flight number, when she docked. She said...I mean... oh my god what the hell happened. This .. this can't be right?" he looks up frowning at Ash "How? I mean how did this happened? You need to tell me!"

"Clay I... I don't have all the details, but she was, she was on her way to the airport, they'd only just left the port, half an hour when it happened. Her friend, he couldn't talk for the long he had to go have some treatment. He was also hurt"

"What?" Clay interrupts trying to make some sort of sense of it all. He doesn't want to hear this and he certainly can't accept it "Why.. . why did they call you? I mean, how is it you know".

"Like I said, it was her friend, he called me. " Ash hesitates, he looks up at the other guys apprehensive before speaking "he um ... he had my number; Kelsey gave it to him for emergencies. She'd told him you'd been spun up and so he called me first"

"Him?" Clay frowns "Who? Who's him? Who the hell called you?"

"Clay look... " Ash sighs, shifting around uneasily. The other can feel his tension as he does finally answer him "Alex! It was.. Alex, he was the one, driving her to the airport"

"ALEX?!" Clay's stunned for a moment and takes a deep breath, sucking air in through his teeth "No! No...no it can't be. What do you mean Alex? No, she wasn't even talking to him. I don't understand. I don't get it. Why was he driving? You sure it was him?"

"Yes, it was him and I told you... Clay I only have the brief details he gave me. He's at the hospital with her. I said, he's been hurt as well, though he did say not badly"

"He's okay, but Kelsey's not? " Clay swallows, his mouth goes dry with fear. He takes a deep breath almost scared to ask "How bad is she? I mean... she's ...she's alive, right?... Oh god, please don't... please don't tell me she didn't make it." he shakes his head stepping backwards away from Ash "No! No ... no please you don't say that" his face falters as he stares at his father.

"Clay..." Ash closes his eyes, seeing his son in this much hurt is so hard ".. she's stable but she's in ICU. Alex he um... he said she's not good. They have her in a medical coma. It's just a precaution until they assess her" Hhe takes a deep breath he can hear the shocked sighs from the others and then they all fall into complete silence, all eyes drop to the floor and no one moves "He said she has a fractured hip and also she's broken her leg, and arm. But it's her head injury they're worried about"

"She hit her head? ... Oh god! No! No ... " the bile reaches the back of Clay's throat. He turns around unable to hold his nerves. Then stepping away then leaning against the wire mesh of the fence that surrounds the parking lot and he starts to retch, gagging until he throws up the food he ate earlier.

The guys all look at each other every one of them shocked, and still silent. Trent's the first to move as he checks on Clay "Take some deep breaths ... and give yourself a minute, okay?"

Clay nods he's stunned, as wave after wave of nervous sickness churns in his gut. He wipes his mouth on the piece of tissue Trent hands him " So, what do I do now? I mean where is she?"

"Um...Alex, he left his number and said for you to call him once you got back and then he'd update you"

Clay looks at his father staring him in the eyes "I can't... I can' t call him. No!" there's an anger inside and it bubbles to the surface "Oh God! I don't understand " he sighs "What the hell was she doing with him? Why ...why was she with him? Tell me! She said...she said she wouldn't contact him again. What the hell were they doin?"

"Clay, he was driving her to the airport"

"No... no I don't believe that." he rubs at his head standing up, then he paces around "What were they doing together? Were they seeing each other? "

"Clay..." Ash closes his eyes unsure how to answer his questions.

"Why the hell is she in a coma and he's walking and talking. It doesn't make sense...I don't get it. Why?!" Clay suddenly loses his temper grabbing hold of Ash by the collar "What the hell was going on?"

"Clay!... Clay, just calm down, man!" Jason pulls him away "Look, we'll get to the bottom of this okay... we'll find out what's going on. But you just need to calm down alright, this is not Ash's fault"

"But, what the hell, Jason" Clay pulls away, he leans his head back against the side of the vehicle behind and takes a deep breath "Why the hell was she in his car? I don't understand" he frowns staring at him, the tears filling his eyes.

"Clay, I..." Jason doesn't know what to say as Clay continues to stare, begging him for answers

"Oh my god! Jason, I can't lose her. I can't! You understand me, right? What about Casey? I mean he needs his Mom." he rubs his hand in his hair "Goddammit, she was coming home today. She was missing us"

Clay starts to cry uncontrollably rubbing his hand through his hair. He's bereft. Trent touches his arm but he pulls from his grip and walks away to get some space on his own.

Sonny hands Casey to across to 'Metal' and grabbing hold of Clay he pulls him against his chest, holding him tight, trying to console "Look, c'mon. We'll call him, find out what's going on, man. Clay you listenin, you need to call Alex"

Ray bites his lip anxiously. He's been silent until now. Watching his head has filled with quiet prayers before he finally speaks " Look Clay, I .. I have Alex's number, brother. You want me to call him, for you? Find out what's going on?"

Clay looks confused for a moment and then reluctantly he nods "Yeah .. yeah. I just ... I can't speak to him.. I just can't. Not after, last time but I need to know what was going on"

"Okay, it's okay. "Sonny takes a breath "Let Ray do it man, just take a breath"

"I'll call him now" Ray nods. He walks away to make the call while Sonny and the others try to reassure Clay. Jason's thinking things over as as he and Ash exchange looks

"Okay, so um... let's get you home Clay, then we can sort things out from there. Decide what to do. You gonna need some stuff and you need to take the baby home"

"I need to go... I mean I need a flight. I.. I need... oh god I don't know, I don't know what to do. ... oh Jesus!" he sighs "I just need to know she's gonna be okay"

"Hey, look Clay just calm down, alright. Let's get you home, take it from there. Sonny you drive him. Ash you take the baby, you got the travel seat"

"No!" Clay takes hold of Casey holding him close to his chest "NO! No, I need to take my son. You hear me I need to take him" Clay can't get his breath, but he does know he can't be separated from Casey right now. "Oh god!..." he looks at Ash , then over to Jason "She's gonna die .. he's not even gonna see her again"

"Hey, Clay c'mon just calm down, you bring him with us alright. Clay, c'mon she's not gonna die man, that's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen... alright"

"But it did, you can't say that! Jason... he knows, you can't say that... " he swallows anxiously "I mean... they couldn't save Alana right, she died. What if they can't save Kelsey? Oh my god what am I gonna do?"

"No! No that's not gonna happen this time. Clay, you can't think like that. You don't know yet alright ... let just get you back and sort out. We'll get you a flight, we'll get you out there"

"Right..." Clay takes a breath " .. okay yeah. Oh god!" The pain his chest hurts "Why coudln't she have just waited for the train. She was comin home Sonny" he holds Casey tight against him his head tucked under Clay's chin as he kisses him, stroking his back.

"I know, it sucks man" Jason nods "C'mon Sonny ... let's get him home. I'll wait with Ray and follow on. Just go. Ash you go with them"

"Yeah, sure. Clay I'll follow you alright" Ash sighs he's lost and doesn't know what to say to his son, remembering when Clay's mom died he feels sick as the memories flood his head "Um... Audrey should be there she said she'd come back; she went for lunch with a friend"

Clay nervously nods watching as Sonny moves the travel seat into his truck and they tuck Casey safely inside. Clay's barely able to let him go "Sonny I ... Oh god she was coming home. She was on her way back. Shit."

"Clay just get in the truck okay, Jason's right, let's get you back" Jason and he exchange glances both of them have the same horrible feeling in the pit of their stomachs, both men's hearts beating hard in their chests.

Memories of that day, when he was told about Alana. They flash speedily through Jason's mind. The same overwhelming feeling of dread fills every fiber of his body now. Like time is frozen with a pain stabbing at your heart. He knows exactly the thoughts and feelings running though Clay's body but though he knows the pain he doesn't know what to do, or say.

He takes a deep breath as he watches the vehicles drive away. Turning he can see Ray his cell pressed tight against his ear, pacing around the parking lot, rubbing his head. Occasionally he looks at the sky as if he's praying.

Then as Jason catches his eye, he can hear him finishing up the call "Yeah... yeah sure...Yeah...Thanks Alex,... I will, I'll call you for an update when we get Clay back. Speak soon. Yeah take care, look after yourself" He looks up rolling his eyes at Jason and sighing.

"So? What'd he have to say? Please tell me it's some good news, Ray. I don't know what the hell to say to him if not. I mean ... he has that baby. What the hell's he gonna do, if she doesn't make it?"

"Okay just calm down alright. Alex he um.. he says she's not good but... she is holdin in there" Ray bites against his lip, he can feel himself getting emotional "She's still unconscious, and so they still have her in ICU. They not gonna bring her around until they've run some tests. They wanna know how bad the head injury is first. Ash was right, she's fractured her hip and broken her leg and arm. They gonna do some surgery to pin the bone in her leg" he takes another breath "She sounds pretty banged up. You want me to tell Clay when we get there. I mean, you have more idea what he's going through. May be you should..."

"No... No, I have no idea what to say to him" Jason frowns "Oh god Ray, how can I tell him this is gonna be alright. I mean that's what everyone told me. right? She'll be fine, she'll pull through, but she didn't, did she ... so how can I tell Clay it's gonna be okay, when we both know she might not."

"Jason you can't talk like that, man. He needs you, needs us... to get him through this, brother"

"Yeah ... yeah I know " he takes a deep breath trying to get some perspective, trying to find some hope and be positive "So um... how's Alex doin? Was he hurt?"

"Yeah he's okay. Still a bit shocked by the sounds of things, said it happened so fast. He err... he has a couple of broken ribs .. some injury to his knee but other than some bruising he says he's okay"

"That's good right" Jason nods he's thinking things over "But what the hell was she doin' with him Ray? You know Clay's not gonna leave that alone"

"He swears, he was just being a friend. He was driving her to the airport because she wanted to get an earlier flight back. She didn't wanna wait for a train in the morning. He said she couldn't wait to get home that…" he sighs "that she was so excited to be coming home. Jason, he promised me there was nothing going on, said that she'd warned him off a while back. I believe him."

"You believe him? What enough to make Clay buy it? Make him believe there was nothing going on, you think Clay will accept that"

"Yeah... " Ray rubs his head thinking of what a chaotic mess this is "Oh I dunno... maybe, yeah! Look I have no reason not to think he's tellin the truth"

"Alright .." Jason sighs pulling his fingers through his hair while he tries to work out what to do next "so let's get back and you can explain to him. Then we'll take it from there"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Back at Clay and Kelsey's new apartment

Casey's crying persistently. Clay's anxious and nothing he does will settle the baby.

Audrey places a hand gently against his shoulder stopping him from pacing backwards and forward. "Please Clay, let me take him. I'll give him his bottle, and settle him, he can probably feel all your tension. Clay, he doesn't understand" she smiles, rubbing Casey's cheek with her finger as she reassures and tries to calm them both.

Clay closes his eyes, screwing them together tight. Holding Casey even closer against his chest but then, reluctantly, he lets Audrey take him from his arms.

She smiles sympathetically, rubbing her hand soothingly on Casey's back, hushing him, rocking him in her arms "She's going to be alright Clay. I will pray for her" she sighs smiling. She can see just how worried and hurt he is, the look in his eyes is desolate, just filled with shock and despair.

"No! No, you don't know that so don't say it! You can't say that, you can't!" he snaps angrily, pointing his finger at her before rubbing his head frustrated. He's sick of everyone trying to tell him it's going to be alright "None of you know that. You don't know it's gonna be alright. God, you hear all the time... people ..." he can't finish his sentence his words trailing off as his voice cracks. He turns his back on everyone "Just leave me alone!"

"Okay," she frowns concerned and hurt by his tone towards her "Let me get his bottle made and then I'll make everyone some coffee"

"Hey Clay, now, just calm down there, alright. This is not Audrey's fault, she' just trying to be nice, so don't got takin' your hurt out on her. It's not right"

"Yeah.." Clay sighs nodding his head "Yeah, you're right. Audrey, I'm sorry. Sonny's right I shouldn't have snapped at you. I just... oh god I just want her to come home"

"I know" Audrey smiles sympathetically, she can see the pain he's feeling. She looks at Sonny neither of them really knows what to say or do "It's fine, don't worry I ... I know you didn't mean it. You're just worried I know that. I just go feed him, he's hungry"

"Hey, let me do the coffee you go sort Champ there" Sonny smiles stroking Casey's cheek trying to sooth him "Hey, hey buddy, c'mon don't cry" Casey reaches his hand out to grab at Sonny's fingers "No buddy, you go with Audrey" he smiles at her " She got your milk. Hey, that gonna be nice right"

He smiles apprehensively staring at the baby. Then as he feels his own tears welling in his eyes as dark thoughts start to creep inside his head. He swallows the emotions trapping them in the back of his throat

What the hell's gonna happen if she don't make it? He tries to shake the thoughts away from him as he watches Clay wiping tears from his cheek. "You okay Clay?"

" Yeah... no. Oh I dunno..." he shrugs "What the hell am I gonna do Sonny?" he takes a breath, staring out of the window " I need to get over there, I need to do something. I can't just stand here"

"Okay... okay let's just wait for Ray and Jace, they'll be here soon then we'll sort somethin'"

They both look around, hearing the sudden loud knock on the door. Trent gets up from his seat where he's been sat quiet since they arrived back. He turns the latch and opens the door and is followed inside by Jason and Ray.

Their faces are pale, and they have this glum sadness "How's it going?" Jason frowns looking to Sonny for an update.

"I'm um... just making some coffee" he opens the refrigerator door for the milk and as he does he smiles "Ooh hey Clay, you got beers in here. You wan' one of them instead " he takes some of them out and places them on the breakfast bar "I know I could do with one, I know that for sure"

Everyone takes one, except Clay, he's still pacing around the living area. Running his hands through his hair, easing the aching feeling in his head. Trying desperately to hold himself together.

"Where's the baby?" Jason frowns noticing Casey's not in the room. Ash is still silent as he sits on the couch lost in his own thoughts, Trent next to him.

"Oh um... Audrey's just feedin' him, he wouldn't settle. So what'd he say, Alex." Sonny frowns waiting for something from Ray

"Yeah um... " Jason takes a breath as Clay turns to look at him "Look um.. Ray spoke with him..." he pauses, hesitating his words

"And? Jason, what? Oh .. .. is she okay... please god tell me she's okay"?

Ray sighs, his heart heavy "She's um... she's alive, yes but um... she's in ICU." he takes another breath "He, Alex, he says they think she's fractured her pelvis, and she has a broken leg, and arm but.. um... " he pauses looking around at the others in the room "It's the head injury they are concerned with right now"

"Oh Jesus!" Clay takes a deep breath; he feels sick again. Glad she's alive but worried the list of her injuries and the solemn tone Ray's using "Is.. is, is she gonna pull through?" Clay's lip quivers "I can't lose her. I mean, Casey he ... he needs his Mom. She has to make it, right?"

"Clay..." Ray takes another breath, he can see the hurting horror in Clay's face, and it makes it difficult for him to speak "... Alex, he said she's holdin in there. They gonna run some tests later but Clay...he did say the first ones were positive, so that's good right? That means there's hope"

"Hope?! What the hell does that mean? Hope!" Clay wipes the large tear from his cheek "So, did he um... did he say why he was with her. I mean what they were they doing"

"Yeah, he ... he said he was just giving her a ride to the airport; Clay, he swears that's all it was. She wanted to get an earlier flight cos she wanted to come home. The train wasn't running 'til morning and there was an overnight flight, so him taking meant she could get that"

"Oh Jesus! Shit! Why didn't she wait, get the train. Then this wouldn't have happened." Clay closes his eyes, but he can't stop the tears that now stream down his face. Turning his back on the others and staring silently out of the window, he wipes them away.

The guys continue to stare at each other, the silence is awkward and the atmosphere tense. No one knows what to say or how to comfort him.

"So.." he takes a breath turning around to look at Ray ".. he's not injured? Alex. There's nothing wrong with him?" he frowns "Why is it just her?"

"He is ... hurt. He said he had some injuries. His knee, may have to have some surgery; he's got some broken ribs but the um... the truck. .." Ray takes a breath the details sound harsh, hurtful it seems morbid to describe "Kelsey's side of the vehicle it took the main impact"

"Oh god!" Clay sucks back his emotions, once again he feels faint as his mind draws pictures of what happened "And what about the driver, of the truck. Where's he? Did he walk away too? Is it just Kelsey that was hurt"?

"I don't know. I um...I didn't ask. Sorry I ...I never thought. " Ray sighs rubbing his hand over his beard "Sorry man, I don't know"

"It's okay Ray." Jason intervenes "Clay, forget all that now. What you wanna do now?"

"I dunno... I mean um... I .. I guess I need to get a flight. I need to pack some gear and ...get Casey's stuff together. Oh god! I can't think straight" he's exasperated as tired emotions overwhelm him.

"What?" Jason's frowns looking around at the others "You err... you gonna take the baby with you?"

"Clay..." Sonny frowns as well "Clay, is that a good idea, man? I mean... why don't you get yourself out there, see how the land lies first. You aint gonna be able to take care of a baby as well".

"But she'll wanna see him. When she wakes up I mean she'll want him there, won't she? She hasn't seen him in three weeks she'll want Casey there"

"Clay..." Trent places his hand on his shoulder looking at him "Clay if she's in ICU, you know they won't let you take a baby in. It'll be restricted visits. Be better to leave him here, brother"

"I 'll think of something .. I'll .. I'll, oh I don't know. " He sits, collapsing down on to the couch with his head in his hands "I just thought... that she'd want him to be there"

"I know ..." Ray smiles, trying to reassure him "Clay leave Casey here, where he's safe. Audrey's here. We're all here. We'll make sure he's okay, that he's taken care of. It won't do no good right now to drag him all that way. And if she comes around we can make arrangements to get him out to you"

"What do you mean if ? You said if she comes around?" his face furrows with worry "What, you don't think she's going to make it, do you?"

"Clay calm down! That's not what he meant. She's gonna come around, okay. Just..." Jason looks up as his cell phone stars to vibrate "Sorry, it's Blackburn. I need to take this" he walks away and heads to the quiet space of the kitchen

Sonny strokes Clay's back and hands him a beer "C'mon buddy, think positive. She's gonna be alright. I know it"

" Clay.." Ray frowns he hands him a scrap of paper "Alex, he said if you wanna call him he'll update you. He said there's no hard feelings, about what went on .. between you. This is about Kelsey now not.." he sighs

"You have his number? Why?" Clay frowns as an anger bubbles up inside him "Have you been talking to him? Taking his side"

"No ... look we got on when he was here, we talked for a while. But we haven't spoken, not since... since everything went on. But I still had his number on my cell"

"Oh, you think he's some good guy don't you. Some nice guy" Clay stands up moving towards to Ray angrily " You do know he wanted her, right?" they both stare at each other neither moving "No!...No, I'm not callin' him. He can go to hell!"

"Clay, c'mon man, you need to put that aside. You wanna know how she's doing, right? Then call him. Clay c'mon, be the bigger man here."

Clay takes a breath closing his eyes, there's a surge of pain in his chest. His throat feels like he's suffocating as his emotions start to choke him. He can hardly talk as he grabs, snatching the piece of paper from Ray.

For a few minutes he stands staring silently at it then he slowly looks up, tears welling in the rim of his eyes as he nods "Okay .. Yeah, yeah you're right." He bites against the flesh on his lip. All the hatred and hurt he feels for Alex he decides he must let go of.

He looks up as Audrey stands in the doorway holding Casey."You wanna hold him? I think he would like a cuddle with his daddy" She smiles as she hands him over to Clay. She strokes his arm and looking at Sonny over his shoulder she grins reassuringly.

Casey snuggles against Clay's chest; he's settled and almost ready to sleep now. He looks down at this son watching his eyes start to close and the quiet yawn he gives "Hey there.." he gently rocks his body holding him tight ".. shush there buddy." Then he lets out a big, tired sigh "Let's find out how your Mommy's doing, right."

He swallows, grinding his teeth apprehensively as he takes his cell from his pocket and dials the number from the scrap of paper.

Just before he hits the call button Jason's back in the room with them. "Hey, so that was Blackburn. He's pulled some strings and they can get you on a military transport flight to the UK. There's one leaving soon, but we only got a couple of hours to get there. Only thing is... you can't take the baby. So, it's up to you Clay, you can get that flight or wait and get a commercial later"

Clay looks around as he takes a moment to think. Unsure what to do he looks over at Sonny

"Hey, you need to take the flight man, get over there as soon as you can" Sonny smiles

"Sonny's right..." Jason looks at his watch "You take that flight, then you should be there in the next 11 hours"

"Okay..." Clay sighs, rubbing his head "..okay tell him I'll take it" He looks at Audrey "Are you gonna be okay to look after him while I'm gone? I mean, I don't know how long I'm gonna be. To be honest.." he frowns "I don't know anything right now"

"Yes, Clay I will be fine!" she smiles, it's so reassuring but inside she feels so sorry for him and worries for him and Casey "I'm sure everyone will be able to help me, yes?" she looks around at Ash and Sonny "Don't worry Clay, we will take very good care of him. I promise you. Clay, she is going to be aright" Audrey smiles again, her Spanish accent has such a soothing calm tone

"I hope you're right; I really do, cos... well, I can't imagine to be without her. I mean... what the hell's Casey gonna do, he needs his Mommy, right buddy? We both need her back home with us" Clay takes a breath, tears streaming down his face. He strokes, a now sleeping, Casey's cheek "You need her, we both do. Oh god! " he looks up his eyes staring at Sonny "I love her so much I can't lose her"

"Hey, c'mon..." Sonny takes Casey from him, holding him tight to his chest, letting him settle back into the sleep he was enjoying "Go take a minute... and call Alex!"

"Yeah and while you do that" Jason sighs " 'll speak to Blackburn, about getting you on that flight"

o-o-o-o-o

Clay paces the bedroom, he keeps sighing, taking deep breaths. His finger hovers over the call button on his cell. He doesn't know why whether its pride or ego or what but something's holding him back from making the call. Oh god why did it have to be him? he frowns.

Alex is the last person he wants to speak to right now. Then taking a breath his thumb hits the screen. The phone rings for a while before a weary but striking British accent answers

"Hello"

"Um..." Clay takes a breath then clears his throat coughing nervously "Alex, it's um... it's Clay"

"Clay!" Alex sighs, he almost sounds relieved to hear his voice "How are you doing?"

Clay laughs nervously as he bites his lip " Look we're not here to be polite to each other. I think we both know how we feel. But I .. I do need to know how Kelsey is"

"Yeah sure. Umm...look, I have to be honest with you, she's not good. They won't let me in with her right now, cos they're doing some tests, trying to establish...brain function, among other things"

"Oh god!" Clay takes a sharp intake of breath he almost collapses down on to the bed, the nauseous feeling returns "What do you mean, what tests?"

"Clay just hold in there alright. They said she's been responding pretty well considering the injuries"

Oh shit!...Shit! He takes a breath unable to speak for a moment. "What... " swallowing he tries to form his words without his voice breaking up "..what the hell happened?"

"It was an accident. We..." Alex now struggles as the shock of what's happened starts to hit him "..we were on our way to the airport; I took the turning and this lorry just ploughed into the side of us. To be honest we're both lucky to be alive."

"Yeah but you're okay right! I mean you would be. It's Kelsey she's the one that's nearly dead not you. You know, it should be you!"

"Yeah, yeah and I wish it was. God I wish it was. If I could change places I would, in a heartbeat. I don't wanna be the one standing here, looking at her lying there a forest tubes and drips coming... I- I just want her to wake up. I want her to smile and say she's okay. So, yes I would change places if I could" Alex drops the phone from his ear, he wipes the tears from his eyes, taking breath to control his emotions.

Clay swallows as he also starts to cry "So you're not hurt then?"

"um... a little I um .. I've done some damage to my knee from the impact, they think I've torn some tendons and a couple of broken ribs. I dislocated my shoulder but.. they sorted that, it's just sore now"

"Okay and ... the driver, of the truck. What about him?"

"I don't know, they took him to a different hospital. They wouldn't say but from what I could see, he looked in a bad way. Look, I'll talk to you about all this when you get here, alright" he frowns "I mean you are coming out, right?"

"Yeah... yeah of course I am " Clay's chest tightens he feels like he can't breathe " I um.. I'm getting a military transport flight, but... I can't bring Casey with me"

"Yeah well, that's probably for the best. They hardly let me in to see her, right now and only for a few minutes at a time. They not gonna let him in. He's little Clay, he's best to stay where he's taken care of." he sighs, rubbing his side, the pain killers he took are wearing off and he can feel a surge of tiredness consuming his aching muscles "Look, I'll send you the details of where we are. Let me know when you land, and I'll make arrangements for one of my unit to come pick you up"

"No, it's okay I can get there myself"

"Clay come on, don't be stupid. All that that went on before, let it go. Kelsey's what matters right now so make it easier on yourself and take the offer of help"

Clay pauses, biting his lip. He takes a deep breath "Yeah... yeah okay. You're right I'll ... I'll text you when I have the details of the flight, but please... just keep me up to date if anything changes"

"Yeah I will. You have my word. So...I guess I'll see you soon then"

As Clay cuts the call off he drops his head in into his hands. Sonny's watching him as he stands in the doorway holding Casey "So... you speak to him?"

"Yeah!" Clay sighs looking up "He said they're doing tests, Sonny. That's all he knows. The driver of that truck, he better hope to god I don't find him"

"Clay c'mon, calm down alright. Look, why don't you get yourself some stuff together, take a shower and clean yourself up. Then I'll drive ya to the flight."

"Yeah... yeah sure" he rubs at his head as tiredness starts to consume his body "You okay with him ?"

"Yeah ... we're good ain't we champ" he smiles as Casey still head against his shoulder, sleeping

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay leans against the cool tiles of the wall in the shower. The warm water running over his naked body. His fingers, like they have the past few weeks, touch at the pink colored body wash bottle in the tray, stroking it.

He smiles as he squeezes some of the liquid into his hand and then he takes a long deep sniff, the aroma, the one that Kelsey often smells of, fills his nostrils. He closes his eyes, rubbing the soapy cream over his body, lathering it up into soft moist bubbles.

He sighs again as he imagines that he's rubbing it on her body. As he takes a breath his eyes still tight shut he can hear the giggle of her laugh that she does when he strokes his hand over her butt. He smiles thinking of the times they've been in the shower, together. The fun and the laughter they had and he wonders if they'll ever do it again.

His head is thinking about the things they've been through from when they first met until now. His head frowns and he starts to sob. Leaning his forehead against the wall he lets the water flow over his head and down his back. He feels numb and the noise of the flowing water drowns out the way he's feeling.

Then there's a loud knocking sound and he's brought rushing back into the room. His senses awoken

"Hey Clay! You okay in there? You know we need to be making a move, if you gonna catch this flight anytime soon"

"Um. .. yeah, yeah sure... just comin'" He turns off the water and taking a towel from the shelf he wraps it around his waist before he opens the door.

"You okay in there?" Sonny frowns, he can see the tired look of despair in his face

"Yeah I'm good. I'll um ... get dressed, and get my gear"

o-o-o-o-o-o

He takes a deep breath as he picks up the quickly packed holdall. Then standing in doorway he looks at Ash and Audrey, both with sympathetic looks spread across their faces. Audrey's rocking Casey in her arms and Clay smiles "You gonna be okay with him?" he frowns questioning they both nod "You sure?"

"Yes" Audrey smiles "Clay, just go. We will be fine, and we will take very good care of him. Trust me, he's going to be fine. I promise. We have everything we need right here."

"Okay then..." he sighs swallowing apprehensively

"You got your passport?" Jason checks as Clay nods at him "Alright well you take care. Let us know how things are as soon as you get there. Clay... it's gonna be fine, alright. Just go do what you gotta do. We'll make sure everything's alright here"

"Thanks" he hugs Jason tight patting against his back "I mean it guys, thanks. " His lip quivers and his body starts to shake "Okay... I best go"

He looks over at Sonny and then before they leave he gives Casey one more lingering kiss on his head "I'm gonna bring your Mommy home, I promise. I'm gonna make sure she comes back to us."

As the others listen to him talk to the baby they struggle, each of them gagging against their own emotions, watching him leave his little boy.

"Clay.. " Audrey smiles soothing his fears "It will be fine. Now, just go"

"Thanks, and I'm sorry. This is not really the way you should start a new job. I was so looking forward to you meeting Kelsey, I know she would have liked you so much"

"And there will be plenty of time. I will meet her soon" she smiles "Go, because I have to change this little one. He has a smelly panal, I mean um...diaper" she laughs

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay sighs loudly, rubbing his head. The automatic doors open as he arrives at the hospital and looking around he re-checks the details on the text that Alex sent .

Still unsure he asks at the reception desk in the main foyer and then takes the elevator to the third floor. As the doors open and he walks the corridor towards to the intensive care unit he can feel his body start to shake nervously.

He's so tired hardly having slept on transport plane. Basic was the only words he would use to describe it but, it got him here and he's grateful.

At the nurse's station he's about to ask after Kelsey but before he can open his mouth he looks up to exchange looks with the large guy standing in the corridor, his arm in a sling, his knee strapped up. Alex!"

"Clay!" they exchange enforced acknowledgements with each other "You made good time." he sighs loudly, both can feel the awkward tension between them and neither of them sure how to act "Um..." Alex hesitates "..we can't go in for a minute" he nods towards the closed door in front of them "the err... the consultant, he's with her, they're running some more tests."