Elise
Montana
I proceeded to pack a small bag for our impromptu trip. Jasper's sudden desire to take me to Montana was unexpected, but I agreed without hesitation. More alone time with him meant more answers for me.
I checked the phone quickly before packing it. Status.
I thought of my words carefully. Completing the move to Idaho.
My fingers remained hovering over the screen, wanting to type more. But I held myself back. I didn't need to tell him anything about my whereabouts. I just needed to tell him enough to keep him content, and that only involved any business with the Cullens. My arrangements with Jasper didn't qualify.
Thirty minutes later, I watched Jasper weave efficiently through traffic as we made our way East. He had graciously stopped by a fast-food joint to grab me lunch. I clutched the brown paper bag as we sped by long stretches of barren fields.
"You should eat." He looked at me longer than anyone driving a high-speed vehicle should.
I opened the bag and sniffed the contents. "No," I crinkled my nose as my belly flopped. "I can never eat in cars."
Not as a baby, not as a grown adult. Food and motion did not go together. I would make a shit vampire.
"That's fine. We're only two hours out, and you'll have a lovely kitchen table all to yourself."
"And you can have my dead body all to yourself on your lovely kitchen table."
He tapped lightly on the stirring wheel. "I don't even like eating in the kitchen. Some clans do. Some pick a human for the night, drain her, and funnel her blood into an elegant dispenser. Then, they sit around a large dinner table and pretend they're drinking wine. Some even pray before."
The absurdity of his descriptions was almost comical. His choice of wording was what caught my attention. "Why is it always female?"
He straightened his back. "I let my personal preferences seep into my language, I apologize."
Why did he play it off so quickly? "Again, why is it always female?"
His eyes remained focused on the road, even though I knew he could just look at me if he wanted. "They're sweeter."
Were they? I drew my own parallels, hoping it would help him open up. "I like milk chocolate over dark chocolate because it's sweeter."
He liked that. "I think that's precisely why women are sweeter. You consume more chocolate than males."
"I haven't had chocolate in years. You talked about prayer. Are vampires religious?"
This time, he did look at me. "Are humans religious?"
I couldn't help my dumb smile stemming from my ignorant question. "Sorry. Are you religious?"
A hand reached up and ran against his jaw. "I suppose I was as a human. Not so much now. All the books say I'm going to hell and that I'll be condemned by God. Once you start playing God, you stop thinking about that."
Did he just say that he was God? "That's so egotistical."
"It's the truth. Are you going to ask about my political views next? Because this is not how you make friends."
Me? Friends? With Jasper? Amusing. But what was more important than my improbable friendship with Jasper was the Cullens. I asked him about what he had told them about our sudden departure.
"The Cullens like that I'm distracting you. Frankly, I don't think they'd care if I took you away for a few days."
Jasper was a vampire, so I suppose he was distracting. It was in his nature. I asked him what they thought I needed to be distracted from.
"Leaving."
My eyes widened in surprise. The fact that a whole coven of vampires seemingly went through all of these hoops to make sure I stayed was unbelievable. "So they think that I am free to leave and that I have a choice in my change."
"Sure."
Was that true? "I think I like them better."
All I earned was a scowl. "You only like them because of the lies they tell you. Everybody believes in free will and choice until they're threatened. If the Volturi comes knocking on our door, you'll be the first one to go."
It was like he was as skeptical of them as I was. His claims erred on the side that the Cullens would always pick themselves over anyone else. Over me. If they got into trouble with the law, they would turn me over to the authorities. How would that work? Would I be in vampire jail? Could humans even be in vampire jail?
"I'm not really sure how to feel," I expressed.
The road suddenly became bumpy beneath us as I realized Jasper had pulled off the main road. "Think about it later. I want to show you something."
I counted the trees that passed by as we went deeper into isolation. I should've been irked by the growing silence and emptiness around us, but I was eerily at ease. The sight that welcomed me commanded me to set my shoulders back and take a deep breath. When Jasper stopped the car, he informed me that he had to run me the rest of the way. My eyes were stuck on the beauty of the landscape in front of us.
I had to get out of the car to be closer to it. "Jasper, this is amazing."
"I'm glad you like it."
The sunlight danced on top of the water, and I wanted to dive in. It looked warm, welcoming, and private. The grass around us was overgrown. No human infrastructure had touched this portion of land. I looked back at my chaperone, only to see him staring back at me. My eyes trailed over his skin as the intermittent sun glowed around him. Biblically, he looked like the definition of an angel. The marks on his skin were highlights against his pale complexion. It didn't hurt his appearance. It was unique. It made him interesting, yet confusing.
"What do you think?" he held out his arms, catching more of the light.
But rest assured, even the devil was once an angel. "It's odd. Seeing the most dangerous predator in the world shine… confuses me."
He receded his arms. "Sunshine does suit you."
I peeled my gaze away from the calm water back to his.
"It does wonders to your hair and complexion. Enjoy it while you're not a constant beacon."
My hand automatically when up to adjust my hair. My eyes lowered and I felt heat on my cheeks. It was barely a compliment, but it made me feel oh-so self-conscious.
We hung out in quiet paradise for a little while. Jasper was close, yet distant. He let me enjoy the outdoors, but he kept a few feet between us at all times. He watched me dip my toes in the freezing water, then smiled when I realized my mistake. I returned to his side quickly, and his smile vanished.
"I've never seen a sight like this," I told him.
"If you're patient enough, you can find a lot of treasures like this. Humans tend to stick to their hiking trails and camp grounds." In other words, he didn't come here to kill. Prey didn't hang out here.
Soon enough, he picked me up and ran me to his cabin. Prey didn't hang out here, either. Prey was brought here. If that fact hadn't been reality, the cabin actually seemed welcoming. Jasper even mentioned that the electricity was still hooked up, which comforted the goosebumps on my skin. Were they from the freezing water or Jasper's cold touch on my skin?
The inside of the cabin still held onto the cold weather. Jasper left to fix that. I looked around the empty living room and the adjacent kitchen. Reluctantly, I placed my bagged lunch onto the kitchen table, silently examining the surface for anything suspicious. My finger drew a line on the wood and picked up some dust. Or was it previously shed skin cells? I put that thought away quickly, pulled out a chair, and opened my bag. Sustenance.
I munched away at some fries. The burger remained untouched. Another chill ran over me as I hugged my jacket closer. The quietness of the cabin was getting to me, and I wondered what was taking a vampire so long to flip a switch.
"Jasper?" I called out and left my food post. I found the door that had stairs leading down from it. I called out his name again.
"Coming," he called back.
I quickly saw him appear on the staircase, his eyes a darker shade.
"Do you need more food?" he asked.
I slowly stepped back towards the kitchen table, eyeing my provisions. I took my seat. "No, thank you." I looked back at him, but his coal eyes were directed straight at my neck. "But I think you do."
The silence was choking. I swallowed like prey would. "If you need to leave, I can stay and wait for you." My words hoped he got the message that he should probably find someone else to snack on.
I blinked, and he was in the chair next to me. His heavy hand rested on my shoulder, his fingers trailing my neck. I felt his thumb press on my jugular. "You should go outside more often," he said. My brain tried to calm my furiously beating heart while trying to decipher the odd combination of his words and actions.
"What are you doing?" I stuttered.
"Exploring," he said simply. "Your pulse has always been so weak."
"Jasper—" I leaned away as far as I could, but his grip held me where he wanted me.
"I've always been so hesitant in touching humans unless I knew they were dinner. You bruise so easily. If I just –" I felt him squeeze my shoulder. "Will that turn purple tomorrow?"
He relaxed his grip, probably expecting my adverse reaction. My feet found courage and pulled me out of my chair. "I am not some experiment you'll keep overnight." My hand absently came up to squeeze the ache in my shoulder. "Go eat."
He wore an unusual smile. "You're more annoyed than scared. It's fascinating."
Why wasn't I scared? My body was. My heart pumped adrenaline throughout my body, but my mind fought hard to compartmentalize the situation. I hastily asked which room I would be taking.
"You probably wouldn't want to go peeking around into the rooms downstairs. I suggest you take one up here."
My hand on my shoulder fell limp, and I could almost feel the color leave my face. Dead girls? Severed limbs? Bloody carpets? "What's downstairs?"
He slowly got up as if about to say something, but then brushed passed me to the bookshelf behind me. I followed him, but he seemed to only care about the dusty old books. After a minute, I pressed forward. "Jasper. What's downstairs?"
His tone was bland. "I don't know, Elise. Go find out."
My eyes narrowed at his ill-mannered temperament. How could he go from one persona to another so quickly? "Just because I don't give in to what you want doesn't mean you can treat me this way."
He whirred around to me instantly. His murderous persona came out. "You don't decide what you give or not give. If I wanted to drain you, I would have done it by now."
I should've stepped back, but I stepped closer. He didn't scare me. He made me angry. Not because he was a complete and utter asshole, but because he spewed threats that meant nothing for absolutely no reason. He pulled the vampire card when he didn't get his way. "Good job. You have to throw these empty, forceful statements to prove your strength. Bravo. Thanks for bringing me here, but I hope you never do again."
After grabbing my bag, I picked one of the rooms and slammed the door behind me.
My eyes blinked furiously to ebb the tears away and my breaths came out in slow increments. I needed to calm down. I sat against the door and pulled my feet against my chest, my eyes finally examining the empty, desolate four walls. The window was shut tight, but I could see the darkening sky from where I sat.
I quickly opened my bag and checked my texts. The latest that I received tonight was still unread. Status.
I typed back quickly. Nothing new.
I leaned back against the door. What was I doing here? I had let a vampire take me out into the middle of nowhere. I pathetically eyed the wooden desk next to the mattress. If I broke off a leg and drove it through Jasper's chest, would it kill him? That would also make me a murderer, wouldn't it? But I would probably be doing the world a service.
Jasper hadn't killed me. Yet. But his desire to do so showed glamorously tonight. He wasn't perfect. His hunger would always get the best of him. I thought about the way he had sniffed me like you would a fresh bowl of aromatic soup. He had rested his cold fingers on my neck, the way you would measure out cuts of fresh beef before firing up the grill.
My eyes drooped. I didn't know how long I sat there, but I heard a firm knock on the door behind me and a very annoyed Jasper followed. "I'm leaving these sheets here for you. You don't want to sleep on that mattress without a barrier."
I thudded my head against the door in acknowledgement, then counted the steps he took towards the basement. What on Earth was down there? When I was sure he was gone, I quickly opened the door and retrieved the barriers. I eyed the bed warily as I put the covers over the cold mattress. My stomach churned at all the possibilities, but I reminded myself that my mind was the worst enemy. Sorting through all of the what ifs would drive me crazy. Two-hundred girls could have been slaughtered on this bed, and it would only hurt me to think about it. So, I didn't. With a blank, tired mind, I let myself lay on the bed, waiting for tomorrow.
And tomorrow came quickly. I had slept like a dead person. Keeping up with Jasper was exhausting.
My stomach rumbled and I felt nauseous by the lack of food. I cursed myself for not finishing my meal the other night.
I could smell the steaming cup of coffee before Jasper had even knocked. I cautiously approached the door and cracked it open enough to peek through at the vampire. He'd gone through a change of clothes and, more importantly, wore a pleading expression as he held out his white flag.
I looked at the cup of coffee and paper bag. I asked the important question as I mostly hid behind the door, as if that would save me. "Did you eat?"
He nudged the food closer to me. "I had a nice run-in with a bobcat." Which also explained his change of clothes.
I grabbed his offerings and shut the door straight into his face, greedily sipping at the steaming beverage. My eyes closed and I ignored the whole world.
"I don't think I deserved that," I heard him say.
I took another sip. "You deserved that and so much more."
The two bagels helped ease the nausea in my stomach. The coffee helped me relax. I disposed the remnants in the kitchen, then eyed the dead guy sitting at the kitchen table.
He broke the silence first. "Are you done?"
The coffee was great, though the bagels were a little stale. "It was good. Thanks."
His arms were crossed firmly against his chest, like an angry parent who glared at his child distastefully because they had missed breakfast. "No. Are you done with your attitude?"
My attitude? His niceness surely disappeared quickly. "You're seriously bullshitting me, right? You tried to eat me last night."
"I did nothing of the sort. I wouldn't –"
I held up a hand. The aggression I had felt last night hadn't melted away with sleep. Perhaps sleeping on a sketchy mattress had kept me on edge. "Right, right. You wouldn't need to try. You would just eat me. Because you're a vampire, and I am a human, and our power dynamic is incredibly mismatched. And you somehow don't think I know that. You think it's your job to remind me of how minuscule I am compared to you."
He only stared back at me as I caught my breath. "I wouldn't eat you."
I blinked. "What?"
"I was just going to stay I wouldn't eat you."
My hands found my hips. "It didn't seem that way last night."
His answer came out cleanly. "I hadn't hunted, your heart pumps blood. You were hungry, you slammed the door in my face."
He was insane. "Those are not equal scenarios."
"Point being, there's a common frenzy we both share regarding food." Common, my ass. When I was hungry, I felt nauseous. Anything Jasper felt bordered around murder.
"Mine isn't a danger to your life."
"I wouldn't eat you," he insisted.
"You ate Bella."
He didn't like that I brought her up. "Because you cared so much about boring Bella. Sure, your blood is also appealing. But, unless I was locked away and starved for decades, you wouldn't be my first pick for dinner."
I rolled my eyes openly. "Thanks, now I feel safe."
Unexpectedly, he smiled. "If this out of all places makes you feel safe, then by all means."
Had he not caught onto my sarcasm? "You're so confusing."
He expanded on his thoughts. "And you're more valuable than Bella. Hence, why you're here and she is not."
I took a seat across from him. "Valuable?"
He told me that in his experiences with humans, they had always failed to adapt to an environment that predominantly consisted of vampires. He used Bella as his prime example. But I shot him down quickly. An environment of vampires who practiced true vampirism as opposed to what the Cullens practiced were two different extremes. Bella hadn't been prepared for this. The Cullens chose to adapt to human life, rendering Bella's need to adapt to vampirism obsolete.
"How are you feeling?" he asked after a while.
"Fine."
"Not what I meant," he said. "What does this place make you feel?"
The cabin was supposed to make me feel something? Did all empaths ask these questions? "It's shelter. So, I suppose it adds an element of safety. It's warm, cozy..."
He shook his head and stopped me. "I didn't ask what this place was. How does being here make you feel?"
Scared? No. Happy? No. Confused? Probably. But why did it matter? "I'm sorry. I've never considered questions like these."
He leaned back in his chair and opened up his worldview. He described the cabin and its serenity. He touched on the rain, grass, and the overall peace the aura brought. The stillness of nature was addicting to him. "While you may see these cabins as places of tragedy, I use them to be alone. Among other things, of course."
His feelings were pretty, but how you felt about something rarely kept you alive. I shared that thought with him. "I don't know a lot about you and how you've lived your life. But at some point you stop thinking about how you should feel and start thinking about how you should survive. What I feel, good or bad, doesn't mean anything if I'm dead."
His eyes bore into mine, a small smile on his lips. If I didn't know better, I would say he liked my answer. "I respect your will to live," he said eventually. "This also makes you inherently selfish. I brought you to one of my favorite solitude chambers with a heater. Now it's your turn to tell me more about the Jovu."
He wanted to open that jar of pickles? I sighed, and demanded more coffee.
Once I obtained my life juice, I opened the jar. "It took me a while to convince myself that I wasn't going to die each day. They had us in these rooms with long beds and disgusting fluorescent lighting. I'd wake up in those beds and think: is this my last day? Then we'd wait for visitors. A Jovu member would come, pick one of us, and take us out to the dining room. Some didn't like to bite, so we gave blood. Others took our wrist directly. They were very meticulous. After each feeding, we'd shower and moisturize thoroughly. No marks or scars left behind. They were very weird about that. Our diets were clean. I suppose they wanted us healthy for feeding and healthy for the testing."
He suggested that perhaps the Jovu were covering up their procedures by keeping us unscathed.
"Or," I added. "They could just kill us and effectively get rid of any proof. I hoped they would, but it was rare that they'd go to that."
He asked about their motives, and I couldn't answer. "There are a lot of blanks in my memory where time just passed, and I recall waking up randomly in my bed. They put us under for sure."
He paused. "I can see why you were very confused when you first encountered the Cullens."
I appreciated his empathy. "I didn't know what kind of operation the Cullens were running, and I was admittedly terrified to find out."
Jasper inquired about my knowledge of other covens and if I had any other contact. The only other coven I had even heard of were the Jovu, thankfully.
"Why did you agree to change so suddenly? You were drastically against it."
I hadn't agreed to anything. "I laid out an agreement which you openly rejected. But then, you proceeded to hold up your end of the deal that you never agreed to in the first place. So I'm not sure where we're at with that."
He cocked his head to the side. "So, how many questions do I have to answer for you to change?"
His questioned implied free will. "I thought I didn't have a choice."
He smirked. "Hypothetically."
I looked away. "You're unbelievable. I will decide when I've asked enough questions."
He wasn't happy with that. "That's seems unfair."
I folded my hands on the table and gave him a tight smile. "Nothing is fair, Jasper. Especially for lesser beings like me."
He straightened in his chair. "If you're looking for me to tell you otherwise, I would just be lying to you. I have a clear advantage. Though I would argue your shield is astounding."
And that's what would keep me alive, once again. Jasper equated my worth to my shield, just as Damon did.
Jasper tapped his hand on the table. "You should know that Carlisle is doing everything that he can to confirm the deaths of the Jovu members. Including Damon."
Hearing his name out loud ran a jolt through my veins, as if uttering it would summon him. "And?"
"A few are confirmed, but not the majority."
I swallowed. "And Damon?"
"We can't know for sure."
I hadn't realized that my own fingers were also tapping on the table. Jasper never failed to notice. "He won't get to you," he reassured me. "The Cullens will not let that happen."
He already has. I averted my eyes. "The Cullens have already done so much. It's only fair that I turn, right? You said it yourself."
"As a girl who's hell-bent on survival, I think you're missing the point. Your chances of staying alive increase exponentially as a vampire."
He was right, damn it. Only, he was brave enough to say it out loud. Unlike me. "And I wouldn't be in pain. And I'd be strong enough to fight back. It takes three days?"
"Give or take. The average is three days. Your transformation would be more comfortable than most. You'd be in a bed with a doctor watching over you for the duration of your burning. Most of us didn't have that luxury."
I hadn't viewed my turn as luxurious. "How were you turned?"
He seemed to quickly recede into himself. "On dirt."
"I thought Carlisle would've at least gotten you a mattress or something." Preferably one with no gruesome history.
His words came out in stern staccatos. "Carlisle didn't turn me."
I wanted to pinch myself. Of course. "Who was it?"
"Unimportant."
His reluctance to speak only made me want to push. "You got those scars around that time, huh?"
"We're not talking about this."
I huffed. "And you're not answering my questions."
We stared each other down, but Jasper surprisingly decided to be insightful.
"The vampire who turned me is as good as dead. There is nothing to talk about."
And that was all I got. He pulled his phone out and I watched as he fiddled with it. He looked up at me quickly and informed me that we were leaving tonight.
"Lame," I said. When he wasn't trying to eat me, Jasper proved to be helpful. His insight into vampirism shone bright lights into my eyes. Was I seriously considering this change?
"You don't like the Cullens anymore?" he asked me.
"It's not that," I explained. "They're great. It just gets a little too much sometimes. Esme cooks three different courses for one meal. Carlisle examines me almost daily. Edward won't ever shut up about his vinyl collection. I thought the CDs were enough, but now he's moved onto his vinyls."
Jasper chuckled. "You can see why I leave. But since you made it clear that you never want to be back here, I don't think I can help you."
That wasn't fair. He'd been trying to eat me when I'd said it. "No, I really like it here. Please don't say that."
His expression warmed, showing me that he enjoyed my outburst. And because of that, we would be planning a trip to Nevada.
A/N: Ups and downs. Elise is working through the decision of her change. Damon is still listening in on the Cullens. Jasper is continuously a jerk. Sometimes.
Thank you for reading. Be safe out there during these tough times. For those of you that are stuck at home, I hope this story gives you some temporary distraction.
