I moaned softly into the comfortable surface I was laying on while shifting my weight. My legs stretched themselves out as my arms curled into my chest. My eyes opened a bit, only for me to see my unruly white hair.
That was a normal waking up for me. What wasn't normal was the smell.
I blinked a few times as I sat up and brushed my hair back. It took me less than a second to realize I had no fucking idea where I was.
My eyes shot around warily before I realized that I was on a futon on the floor of some random bedroom. I peaked my head over the side of the nearby bed, only to see that it was neatly made. Upon feeling the sheets, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't used in a few hours at the very least.
A noise came from me left, causing my head to shoot around. There was no one in the room, but it was evident that someone was in the general vicinity.
I silently put my ear to the wooden floor and listened to the various noises.
It seemed that I was on a higher-up level of some building - a building riddled with other people.
Shit. This is no good. I can't casually waltz out of here. I then paused before looking at the window. I silently walked my way over before peering out of it. Jesus fuck, this is a high drop. What fucking criminal builds a goddamn building this- Is that the Hokage Monument?
The pedophile snake bastard must not have left Konoha!
I felt chills run up and down my spine at that revelation. I then paused as I realized what kind of building I was in. Wait... No, this is an apartment complex. Orochimydick doesn't have an apartment in Konoha... Oh kami-sama, there's another pedophile in Konoha!
That realization caused me to start to pry the window open. Unfortunately, the window wouldn't budge. It seemed like the pedo had super glued the window shut.
I was horrified at that point, but I needed to escape. What should I do? Should I just break the window? What then? Tell Hokage-sama- Fuck, I need to tell people! I'll put a chakra seal somewhere inconspicuous and come here again later. I looked around before just putting a chakra seal on the wall below the window.
Because that was totally inconspicuous.
Okay, now let's go, I thought as I took a few steps back. Upon reaching the door that was across the window, I got into a sprinting position. That's when I glanced down and saw that I didn't have my shoes or kunai holster. I automatically reached back and found that I didn't have my tantō either.
Any plans of escape went out of the fucking window. That pedophile motherfucker did not just steal my shit that I had paid for! If they wanted some, they could pay for it with their own goddamn money!
I kicked the door to the bedroom open and got ready to fight to the death, only to see a man leaning against the far wall while clutching his nose.
He released a loud groan of pain as I sprinted past him, or at least tried.
I suddenly tripped over something before being wrapped up and hung upside. I flailed my legs since they weren't being constricted like my arms. I barred my teeth like a rabid dog as the man came stepping around me with the utmost annoyance.
"You're the worst guest I have ever had," he stated as he continued to rub his nose.
"You pedophile motherfucker!" I screamed at him while attempting to kick him.
"What are you talking about?" The brunette questioned as he finally dropped his hands from his now-red nose.
"Playing innocent won't help you, bitch," I hissed with narrowed eyes. Upon seeing confusion all over his features, I realized he really didn't know what I was talking about. I gave a deep sigh as I let my head drop down, my eyes facing the floor. "For fuck's sake, man..." I lifted my head up again so I could stare I his black eyes. "Who kidnaps a twelve-year-old in the middle of the night and takes them to their apartment without any pedophile thoughts running through their head?"
"I didn't kidnap you," the man sassed before releasing the jutsu, causing me to fall onto my head and splay myself across the ground.
I groaned into the floor, very pleased with the feeling of pain in my spine. I then stood up and brushed my clothes off. "You are forgiven for your crimes."
"Right, you're a masochist," Tenzō muttered to himself before turning heel and motioning for me to follow down the hallway.
I did so and asked, "What were you doing at the training grounds in the middle of the night?"
"Ren, it's one in the afternoon," the man stated.
I gave a laugh, not believing him at all until we passed by a clock. "Fuck, it's one in the afternoon."
"Stop swearing. You're only a kid," the ANBU member commanded.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" I hissed at the brunette angrily.
"You think I didn't try?" He inquired as he glanced over his shoulder at me, a brown brow raised up high.
"I'm a light sleeper," I objected with my hands on my hips.
"You could sleep through the end of the world," the doll-eyed man argued as he lead me into his kitchen.
I immediately stopped and stared at all the shit he had piled up in his sink and on his counters. My nose scrunched up in disgust before I spat out, "What are you, an animal? This is disgusting. Where the fuck are your cleaning supplies?"
"They're just some dishes," Tenzō-taichō replied while waving me off.
I glared straight through his soul before repeating, "Where the fuck are your cleaning supplies?"
"Ren-"
"I ain't playing, bitch! Tell me where your goddamn cleaning supplies are before I break my foot off in your ass!" I demanded furiously.
Black eyes stared down at me blankly for several long, but silent seconds. Finally, he put his hands up in mock defense before opening one of his lower cupboard doors. He motioned to all of his cleaning supplies before I shoved him out of the kitchen space. Luckily, the man was smart enough to leave me alone while I began to clean his damn kitchen down.
Meanwhile, I cursed up a storm under my breath, saying things like: "This is fucking filthy," and "How could anyone stand this shit?" My favorite, of course, which was the only one that got a response, was: "Is this what a goddamn thirty-year-old virgin lives like?"
His reply was, "I'm not thirty! And I'm not a virgin either!"
To which I replied under my breath, "The fuck you're not. No girl would ever find this attractive."
"I heard that!" He announced, a certain bitterness filling his voice that made me pause for a second.
I quickly brushed off my gut feeling that told me that I needed to fully interrogate Kakashi-sensei the next time I saw him. I instead kept cleaning dishes, countertops, cupboards, and the like until my stomach told me that it was time to eat.
Upon checking his refrigerator, I realized the man probably hadn't cleaned out his old food in weeks. I gave a deep sigh before sorting through all of his food and even hit up his freezer and cupboards. After clearing out everything that had gone past its prime, I had thought up all of the individual recipes I knew before settling on some spicy chicken teriyaki bowls.
I got to cooking, ignoring anything that the man may or may not have said. I decided to make four bowls of the stuff, which cost me a total of 34 minutes of cleaning time. I also made some tea that would go along with the meal, which cost me a few more minutes of cleaning. It was well worth it though as my stomach released a bear's mating call from the smell alone.
"What was that?" Tenzō-taichō questioned as he peaked his head inside of the kitchen, only for his eyes to rest themselves on the food I had made. He pointed at one of the bowls and asked, "When did you get that? I didn't hear you leave."
"I made it," I said before bringing two bowls over to the small table.
"Made it?" He repeated questioningly.
"I didn't poison it, though you probably would have poisoned yourself if you attempted to make it. You really need to check your fridge more. Do you know how much rotting food I found pushed to the back of it?" I chastised as I went back to the clean counters. I swiped some napkins and chopsticks before returning to the table.
The ANBU member had refused to sit down, and instead stood there with a shocked expression.
"Close your mouth unless you want to catch flies," I scolded with slight annoyance before glaring into his black eyes. "Would you just sit down and eat? The food is going to go to waste at this rate."
He snapped out of whatever trance he was in and came over to the table. He seemed hesitant to sit down, and it showed on his face. Nevertheless, the man took his seat across from me.
I rolled my eyes before putting my hands into a praying position, my head bowing down. "Itadakimasu."
Tenzō-taichō quickly put his hands into the same position as he repeated the phrase I had just said.
I then dug into my food, ignoring how the person across from me still seemed hesitant.
Finally, the brunette picked up his chopsticks and grabbed a small bite of his food. Once that food touched his tongue, he began to chow down the food in the bowl like a ravenous dog that hadn't eaten in weeks.
Of course, I was disgusted by his table manners, but I didn't say anything because that would have been extremely hypocritical of me. I instead ate my meal at a normal pace.
He soon finished his food and gulped down his tea. His black eyes darted over to the two bowls on the counter, to me, and then back to the bowls. Needless to say, he wanted seconds and felt the need to gain my approval first.
"Knock yourself out," I said blankly before taking a sip of my tea.
Tenzō-taichō practically sprang out of his seat to get another bowl, which he promptly swallowed whole. Not really, but he might as well have done so. He got himself another cup of tea and returned to the table with a huge sigh of relief. "If you were a few years older, I would marry you in a heartbeat."
My face exploded red for a moment as all my thoughts of becoming married seemed to flood my mind. All of those blank spaces where my future husband was supposed to be filled out with Tenzō-taichō, causing my face to heat up even more. I got ahold of myself quickly and managed to get the heat of my cheeks to leave without any trouble.
The reason his words had such a strong effect on me was simple - no one had ever said such a statement to me before. Because of my sadism, masochism, and sarcasm, many people had taken up their own sense of sarcasm while speaking to me. That aside, nice words weren't given to me often. When they were, they didn't involve such deep topics like marriage and whatnot. People only praised me for my ninja talents, not my more human ones.
So to make in incredibly boring story short - Tenzō was the first person to ever confess that level of fondness for me that wasn't platonic in any sense of the word.
On the downside, he admitted that I was not in his age range of comfort. That, and he probably would only marry me because I was a good cook, which was not the reason I wanted to get married, have maybe three children, and be a good father.
I silently finished off my dish as I watched the man slouch in his chair with a look of content all over his face. I did the same with my tea before I began to clean up the mess I made making a late lunch.
"Ah, I can-"
"No. I made the mess, I clean it up," I interrupted while motioning for him to stay seated.
"Where did you learn to cook like that?" The brunette questioned as he sat up a bit while rubbing his stomach.
"Okaa-san," I answered honestly, "I used to help her out around the kitchen with miscellaneous chores and such, which then expanded into other chores as time passed."
"Why not leave that to your sister?" The brunette asked.
I pursed my lips. "Times have changed. Now kunoichi and shinobi alike live alone for many years. Both parties need to learn how to do various chores so their home can survive."
"I guess that's true. But as a kid, what motivated you to learn those things?" He pressed.
I paused for a moment as I tried to recall the true reason I had started demanding to be taught those things by my mother. I stared blankly at the wall before finally shrugging. "I can't remember. It was probably for some stupid reason, though. I was a really stupid kid."
"Didn't you manifest your kekkei genkai into its own form of jutsu when you were six?" Tenzō-taichou questioned, causing me to blink in surprise, not that he saw or anything.
"Ah, well..." I lowered my head a bit, flustered that I had been caught in a lie. "I was smart in some aspects, I guess. However... I wasn't a smart kid, if you get what I'm saying."
"From what Kakashi-senpai told me, you've always been smart," the man stated.
"But he only knows that from what I've told him. I like boasting about my talents to people I'll be around often, however..." I trailed off, allowing my statement to be ended in whatever way Tenzō's mind wanted it to.
He released a small hum and allowed the silence to fill the gap between us.
I felt comfortable, but the mokuton user clearly didn't feel the same by all the shuffling he did in his seat.
"Um..." The black-eyed man called out hesitantly.
"Yes?" I replied as I began to dry off the dishes I had finally finished cleaning with a hand towel.
"Do you... not intend to keep a bond with me?" He asked, causing the bowl I was drying to nearly slip from my grasp.
I managed to keep it from shattering on the ground with an inaudible gasp. I closed my eyes as I finished drying the dish and set it aside with the others that needed to be put away. I placed the towel on the counter before looking over my shoulder at Tenzō-taichō. "Of course I do. Originally, I was given a bad impression of you, though I had time to think things over. You are an ANBU member, a man who helps this country with dangerous missions unlike any other. You have much work to do for the benefit of this country, and I can understand that. I may not know the full extent, but I do know that you truly do work hard. I know that you'll need to leave for extended periods, and I know that I must wait for you to return." I smiled gently back at the man. "So please, come back safely. I'll surely be here."
Tenzō looked at me in surprise for a moment before giving a very kind smile. "Of course."
I felt myself blush at the nice smile he sent towards me, causing me to turn my head away so he wouldn't see. I didn't want to be judged for my gayness, especially not when I had the feeling I'd be interacting with the man for the rest of my life. "Say, Tenzō-taichō..."
"Yes?" He questioned as he began to move from his seat.
"Why did you take me here? Why not leave me?" I asked curiously as I began to dry the dishes once again.
The brunette released a soft hum as he began to put dishes away in their various places. "Well... To be honest, I saw you at the Hokage Monument, dancing in the moonlight."
"My white hair, right?" I asked with a glance.
"No, I recognized the color of your eyes based on way the moonlight reflected off of them." The man paused for a moment before looking over at me. "You seemed frustrated."
"Frustrated, huh?" I muttered with a soft smile. "How you could predict such a thing from such a distance is beyond me."
"Your movements were a bit forced which typically comes with anger. However, you weren't so angry as to completely lose control of yourself. Besides that, the way you used your techniques indicated a helplessness. Combining that, it was easy to tell you were frustrated," the ANBU member explained, reminding me that he had studied the human body and its movements for years. Of course, he was able to detect those things, especially considering how long I had displayed myself out in the open.
I chuckled as I finished up with the dishes. I looked over at him with a teasing smirk before saying, "That didn't explain why you took me home. Perhaps you're looking for something more~?"
His black eyes widened, his face clearly displaying that he was taken aback. After a few seconds, he cracked a grin and began to laugh. His laugher was contagious and quickly spread itself to me, causing me to also laugh along.
I managed to get my laughter under control first as I sat on the clean counter. "Hah hah, all joking aside..."
He nodded gently while taking deep breaths to control his laughs. "You see, I was worried you'd overwork yourself due to your frustration. As it turned out, I was right."
I gave a sheepish chuckle as I scratched my cheek with my index finger. "I'm known to push myself as hard as possible, and then even further in some instances. I can use a recent example actually..." I then told Tenzō exactly what happened in the Forest of Death between Orochimaru, the Otogakure shinobi, and I. As I explained everything in detail, I watched him make a more and more horrified expression. I stopped from going even further at the part where Sakura had hidden me away as to not cause Tenzō-taichō's features to freeze in that mortified way.
He took a few long moments to get all of that information processed before he finally exclaimed, "No wonder Kakashi-senpai is upset with you! I would be too! You're practically here right now because of a miracle! Not only did you fight an S-Rank criminal, but you also went ahead while you were at the very end of your chakra to try and fight enemies!"
"I was protecting my sister," I argued lamely.
"Your familial bonds must be really strong, huh?" The mokuton-user asked with a sad smile. His eyes seemed to have a far-away look in them, as if he was thinking about his past. He probably never had such bonds if his face was anything to judge by.
"Yeah. I'm probably a bit of an outlier in that regard though," I answered with a small shrug, gaining his confused attention. "I've always been overprotective of my little sister, especially because she was bullied for her oversized forehead." My blank face turned into a dangerous grin with narrowed eyes. "I was so overprotective, I nearly killed a boy my age for daring to push her down a steep embankment into a creek. I was a pretty fucked-up kid - still am really."
"Ah, really?" He had nothing more to say about it. His neutral expression and tone of voice threw me off. "Any other hidden talents?"
"Wh-what? Y-you... You're not going to call me crazy o-or a monster or a delinquent at the very least?" I asked, stumbling over my words since I had been so surprised.
"It was really obvious you were the kid from the Black Lotus incident," the man said with a small shrug. "Besides, I expected something more like... I have a double-jointed thumb or I can touch my nose with my tongue... Something weird like that."
I pouted for a split-second, but nevertheless got over it quickly. "Well... Even though girls are said to be more flexible, I easily beat out Sakura in that category."
"Show me," he demanded.
I hopped off of the counter before stretching my limbs out a bit. I then proceeded to make Tenzō-taichō question everything he knew about male anatomy by performing the yoganidrasana yoga pose.
The man was shocked beyond all words as he stared down at my body, which I had practically folded into a knot. His eyes scanned me over a few times, his mind clearly not comprehending what it was seeing. As if his eyes didn't make it clear, his lower jaw had practically dropped to the floor. His right index finger shook slightly as it pointed down at my body with much hesitance. "H-how...?"
I unfolded myself before performing the kala bhairavasana pose. "I told you I'm flexible. Though, Gai-sensei had originally taught his students yoga so that they'd develop more muscles that aren't commonly stretched with normal exercises. I took part in that training."
I forced my weight onto one hand and unfolded my leg. I extended my limbs out so I could freely perform the one-handed tree pose. "When shinobi exercise, they often exercise muscles that are already a good size, not at all balancing out their other muscles. As such, they often shorten other muscles and make them weak. Gai-sensei, who is a taijutsu expert, understood that and instructed his team to perform different exercise to strengthen different muscles. I never stopped his somewhat loose training program and have been practicing yoga for quite some time."
I lowered my weight down more on my wrist and moved my center of balance off, causing my body to become more horizontal with the ground. I was still at an angle, however, as I looked up at him from the wounded peacock pose. "With the help of yoga, I've become much more flexible, not to mention balanced muscle-wise. Certain body parts of mine are significantly more sturdy that you could probably imagine. Combining that with any normal shinobi's training, and you can create some weird monster such as myself that is incredibly resilient to most attacks since my muscles can take a good beating."
I pushed off of the ground and flipped my body upright. I landed on my feet quietly before brushing my hands off on my shorts. "In any case, you should probably start taking yoga as well if you were that surprised by my flexibility. It's unhealthy for you to not be that flexible when in the ANBU."
"With how many years I've been in the ANBU, I think I'd know which muscles to train," the black-eyed man muttered as he looked away. He was still clearly in shock at my flexibility.
"Mhm," I agreed with a small - and by small, I mean I could have started the next Shinobi World War - hint of sarcasm.
"In any case, today was a resting day since you clearly needed it. Tomorrow will be back to work. Make sure you eat properly and get some more rest. We're taking training up a notch," the ANBU member declared with a serious expression.
I snapped into a proper attitude and nodded in acknowledgement. "Of course."
"You are free to leave at any time," Tenzō-taichō stated while motioning towards a hallway next to the kitchen.
I couldn't help but give a dark laugh as my face contorted into a somewhat terrifying expression. "That's hilarious! First off, the rest of your apartment is still filthy! Secondly, you clearly need me to make you a grocery list! And lastly, I haven't gotten back my weapons, sandals, or headband!"
"Ah, right," the man said, completely unphased, while turning away. He went back towards his room and rummaged around for a second, allowing me to place multiple chakra seals around his home in case I ever needed to return. The brunette soon came back with all of my gear and remained silent as I put everything on without a second thought - save for my sandals which one doesn't truly wear inside if you had any sort of manners.
"I don't need that grocery-"
"Bitch!" I interrupted furiously while swinging my arm back. "Are you fucking blind?! Do you not see all of that shit in your fucking garbage can! You can't shop for food to save your damn life! I'm surprised you're even alive for fuck's sake!"
"No-"
"Silence!" I demanded while pointing at his face. "After I clean this hellhole, I will make you a grocery list! Then you will have two days to buy everything! Once the two days are up, you better have that food! If not, I'm going to shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll taste sandal for a week! Get it?!"
He seemed to get it, but was not pleased with all the swearing thrown in there.
I didn't care, especially not when he was living like an animal.
It was my civic duty to clean up his place and get everything in order for him since he was clearly unable to do so himself.
And so, I spent the rest of the day cleaning down his place, much to his dismay. Of course, I left several more chakra seals around at strategic locations. I never actually intended on using them if he was ever home as that would be incredibly rude of me. I would only use them if he was away on a mission, and I needed to clean his living space again.
By the time I had finished, it was nearly dinner time, so I ended up cooking a meal, ginger-beef stir fry with ramen, for Tenzō-taichō before departing for home. I wanted to help Okaa-san cook dinner as doing so would allow me to rant about various topics with someone actually there to help talk it out.
Upon getting home, the woman immediately took note of how I smelt like various cleaning products. "Did you scrub down a murder scene, or what?"
"Would've preferred the murder scene," I replied honestly as I went to the kitchen sink to wash my hands and forearms.
"That bad?" The blonde asked jokingly, not realizing I was incredibly irked about it.
"Worse!" I exclaimed. "I swear, that man is going to die via mold poisoning! How much rotten food could you let get stored up in your fridge and cupboards?! Disgusting! And who has that much dust floating around the air?! Have you never heard of a duster before?! That's not to mention the fact he probably can't cook to save his life! He thinks spicy chicken teriyaki bowls are delicious! Hah! Thirty-year-old virgin was definitely right on the mark!"
"Do I even want to know?" Okaa-san muttered as she looked at me still scrubbing my hands and arms warily.
"My sensei set me up with another sensei temporarily. The new sensei found me passed out at the training grounds, so he took me to his apartment instead of ditching me there. That man is so incompetent with house chores, it's a miracle he hasn't died and turned into some pathetic virgin mummy," I growled as I finally stopped rubbing my skin raw. I took the towel and roughly dried myself off, ignoring her raised brow.
"So I take it you're not a fan of him. Is he also a bad sensei?" The blonde inquired, causing me to sigh deeply.
I placed the towel back at its typical location. "He's not a bad sensei, but his apartment is a disaster. It sucks too since he has a nice smile."
"Ah, I see. You were hoping to hit things off with him, huh?" She asked as her green eyes pierced right through my soul.
"N-no..." I answered, not daring to look at the woman who had surely gained the devil's aura. "He's an uptight guy, so-"
"Wasn't that Ita-something kid uptight too?" The woman asked, causing me to internally flinch.
"Not as uptight as him..." I muttered before pouting. "And he doesn't even encourage my masochism. It's totally not fair."
Okaa-san sighed deeply. "You and your masochism."
"Hey!" I exclaimed with slight embarrassment.
"You can't deny it," she said before pointing at my chest. "Sakura told me all about your completely idiotic actions."
"I was protecting my little sister from a pedophile. It was completely justified," I argued with my arms crossed, my head turned away from her.
"...What?" The woman questioned after a small pause.
"What?" I asked back.
She stared down at me silently with her green eyes before finally saying, "Sakura said you sassed back an expert in torture and interrogation."
I gave a laugh as I looked away. "Yeah, that was fun. Too bad he also had zero interest in me." I gave a deep sigh before remembering his stern expression. I held my cheeks as they turned red. "If he was a few years younger, I'm sure I could have made it work."
"You're drooling," Okaa-san pointed out.
I snapped out of my trance and quickly wiped away the saliva that was trailing down my chin. "Sorry."
"Where did I go wrong...?" The blonde asked while placing her hand gently on her forehead.
"You allowed Otou-san to take me to the hospital when I was four," I answered honestly, causing her face to scrunch up.
"That man... Sometimes he's such an idiot," the wife of said idiot commented.
"Yeah. Speaking of idiocy, have you found a plumber yet?" I inquired.
"Yes, I found one. He'll be stopping by next week to fix up the drain," she explained, making me nod.
"That's when Otou-san will be out of town with work, right?" I presumed.
Okaa-san snorted. "It's the best way to get the drain fixed. That idiot will most likely interfere if he was here."
"Yeah, but..." I smiled as I looked into her green eyes. "It'd be boring without him here. He really does help keep the family together."
Her eyes widened before a smile came to her lips. "Yes, he does. His idiocy is just what we need." She then paused before asking, "When did you get so in tune with that sort of thing?"
"Ah, well..." I trailed off with slight embarrassment. "During the chûnin selection examination, I've really gotten good at reading people."
"Is that so? Good. Read people and get yourself a good man that can help support you and your three children," she teased.
"Okaa-san!" I screeched as red covered me from head to toe. At least she didn't say such a thing out in public, but it was still embarrassing nonetheless.
Said woman laughed down at me before motioning for me to help her made dinner which consisted of saba shioyaki, nikujaga, sunomono, miso soup, and genmai.
It was a delicious dinner, made even better by the fact I was sharing it with my family. Food was always better when you shared it with those you deeply cared for.
By the day's end, I had felt as though a small weight had been taken off of my shoulders for a small length of time. I knew that that weight would come back, however, along with all of the other weights. It was only a matter of time at that point. I was willing to bet on it.
