We were able to barter passage onto a cargo vessel on the Hydian Way, a trade route that would take us from the northern outer rim, to the southern mid rim.
I found a square of empty floor between the pallets of boxes and I sat down.
Rey had ducked into a small shop before we boarded to buy food, coming out with a thin cloth bag hanging from her shoulder. She turned the bag over, and dumped its contents, then sat down in front of me.
It was maybe four dehydrated rations, and a mountain of candy bars.
"Ok, I buy the food from now on." I quipped.
"I got water, too." She said, handing me a canteen.
She chose a bar and sat back, tearing into it. "This actually has just as much sugar and protein as that stuff you have to rehydrate, and a fraction of the sodium." She took a bite.
I leaned back against the tower of boxes behind me, listening to the groan of the engines.
Though I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten, I didn't have an appetite.
"If I ask you what's wrong," She asked, and I looked at her. "Will you tell me the truth?"
I studied her for a moment, her bruised cheek, her disheveled hair, and the layer of grit from the ships floor that she had smudged all over her.
I shrugged. "There's no point in lying to you, you can hear what I think."
"The shields still work, so I can't hear everything." She reminded me. "And, that's not the point. I want you to tell me the truth."
I let out an exasperated sigh. "I've always told you the truth."
She raised an eyebrow.
"I just left out some critical details." I admitted.
She took another bite, and chewed slowly, waiting.
"Fine." I growled.
She swallowed, and took another bite. "What's wrong?" She asked, her mouth full.
"Do you think that I wanted to go back to the First Order?" I demanded.
Her eyebrows pulled together. "What?"
I rephrased. "Do you think I went back to the First Order because I wanted to, knowing full well that I could have you if I just walked away?
She chewed on her bottom lip, before saying, "Didn't you?"
"No!" I yelled, my voice echoing off the metal hull of the ship. "I went back because it was the only way to protect you from-" I looked around, then to her. "This."
The crease between her eyebrows deepened. "What's this?" She asked, around another bite of candy.
"Rey, we are in a cargo vessel!" I yelled. "With a satchel full of coin that we can't spend, because we are being hunted by a maniac ginger, who's playing dress up as me!"
"I'm perfectly aware-" She started and I cut her off.
"I went back because i knew that this was the only life that i could give you, and it is not a life that you deserve."
She frowned. "I don't deserve a life with you?"
"That's not what I meant!" I raked both of my hands through my hair, and when I spoke again, my voice was thick. "But no." I shook my head. "No, you don't deserve a life with me."
Her face hardened. "You accepted this Mating Bond, too." She pointed out evenly.
"And, I'd do it again!" I admitted. "But, this isn't about the Mating Bond. Its about me doing my damndest to keep you safe and I failed!"
Her eyes narrowed. "Do you think I accepted the Bond because I wanted you to keep me safe?"
I swallowed, and looked down, not answering.
"Do you think that I accepted because I thought that this would be easy? Or that we'd ride off into the sunset, or-" She laughed once, without humor. "That we'd actually get along?"
I wanted to argue that last bit, but we'd been alone for twelve minutes and we were already fighting.
She pointed to me. "I am so sick of you doing what you think is best for me instead of letting me make my own decision."
"I didn't do that." I protested. "You made your decision, you rejected the Bond!"
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them.
I sighed, "I'm sorry."
She got up and stormed off, leaving her half eaten candy bar in her place.
"Rey-" I called, before closing my eyes and letting my head fall against the boxes behind me.
Fuck.
oOo
I found her hours later, laying on a pile of flat, empty cardboard boxes that she'd stacked into a makeshift bed, and she was wrapped in the cloak.
I knelt down and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
Her eyes fluttered open.
"I'm sorry." I told her, gently stroking her cheek with my thumb. "This….us... it's new. And, I'm a little overwhelmed, and I have no idea what to do or what to say, and I need you to be patient with me while I figure it out."
She stared at me for a long moment before she scooted over and held the cloak up for me.
I laid down next to her, and she curled around me, putting her head on my chest.
The boxes weren't exactly comfortable, but it was better than the grooved metal floor.
I wrapped my arm around her, and put my other arm up, under my head as a makeshift pillow.
She was asleep again in minutes, and I laid awake, listening to the creak of the vessel, and Rey's slow, even breathing as she slept.
oOo
We jumped ship at Malastare, then snuck onto a freighter and hid behind a vent in the wall.
I used the Force to seal the panel back into place, and we held our breath when security passed by.
There was barely enough space for us, among the wiring and duct work, and the only light that came through, were tiny slivers from of the freighter floor.
"I don't understand how our Bond works." Rey said, holding on to the piping overhead. "I felt it snap into place, but it feels…"
"Incomplete." I finished for her and she nodded. "It's because we haven't sealed it yet."
"S-sealed as in…" She swallowed. "That?"
I felt a surge of heat in my groin. "Yes," I told her. "Sealed as in that."
"Our last night in Naboo, when we…" She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Yes." I answered.
Her brow furrowed, because she hadn't actually asked anything. "Yes, what?"
"Yes, that's why I didn't make love to you." I explained. "I knew that if I made love to you, it would seal the Bond. And, once the Bond is sealed-"
"It's permanent." She whispered.
I nodded. "But, you didn't know that, then. You didn't know what you were really offering me. And I couldn't do that to you."
She looked down. "But, you wanted to?"
What an absurd question.
"Of course I wanted to." I told her. "I wanted you that night, the next morning. I wanted to take you on the dash of that escape craft after you accepted."My pants grew uncomfortably tight at the thought.
She blushed a deep red.
"And," I groaned, leaning forward so that my lips were against her ear. "It is driving me out of my mind with how bad I want to seal the Bond here." She whimpered.
"So," She sucked on her bottom lip, the action making my already throbbing erection twitch. "Why haven't you?" Her eyes fluttered up to meet mine.
"Because there's not enough room for me to do it properly." I grazed my lips down her neck, and kissed the hollow of her throat, sucking on the sensitive spot.
She shivered.
"I've had a long time to think about how and where I want to seal our Bond. And, I have no intention of doing it on the filthy floor of a cargo vessel, or in a space where I don't have enough room to lay you out like my own personal feast."
When the freighter jerked as it jumped into drive, I straightened, adjusting my pants, and moved the vent, helping Rey as she climbed out.
We spent the day talking. She told me about what had happened with Hux, and what his plans had been. I told her that if he hadn't bought those girls, and Severyn hasn't taken it upon herself to save them, his plan would have worked. Well.
The thought made us both cringe.
I found a crate of textiles among the cargo and I climbed in, hoping to get at least a few hours of decent sleep before the ship docked.
Rey took my hand that I offered her, and I helped her inside, and moved the top of the crate back into place.
We were able to move in the cramped space enough for us to lay on our sides, facing each other, and I fell asleep with my arms tucked securely around her.
oOo
The sound of the top of the crate being ripped off startled me awake, and I squinted as a bright light was shown in my face.
"Well," a male voice behind the light snickered. "Lookie lookie what I found."
