Lucien looked totally wrung out just from listening to the session, so Jean gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Stay right there, my love. I'll be back with the tea in just a minute," she told him.
He nodded wearily, but before she could leave, his phone sounded. She watched as he dug it out of his pocket and took a look. "Alice," he announced.
"I'll leave you to it, then" she said, and headed upstairs.
As she put the kettle on, Jean tried to think how they could spend the day that might be calming and healing for Lucien. She remembered him telling her that he found surfing therapeutic, but she certainly didn't like the idea of him being out on the ocean alone.
She paused to glance out at the water. To her untrained eye the waves looked strong enough for surfing. Previously Lucien had offered to teach her how to surf, but she didn't quite know how she felt about that, and teaching an absolute neophyte like herself would hardly be relaxing for him. She wondered if Mattie might know any of the men who usually surfed with him. Maybe she could prevail on one of them to join him now.
Mattie answered the phone call immediately. "Is Lucien all right?" she asked anxiously.
Jean smiled to know how concerned her young friend was. She hoped Lucien realized just how many people cared for him. "Hello, Mattie. Nothing has happened, if that's what you mean, but he's still very shaken. And having to relive it again and again is taking a toll on him."
"I can imagine," Mattie sighed. "But, Jean, that's the whole premise behind this particular form of therapy - if he goes through it often enough it loses its power over him and he'll realize it can't hurt him."
"I know; he explained it to me. But in the meantime it is hurting him. That's the reason I called. Lucien says that surfing calms and relaxes him. The surf's up, but I don't like the idea of him being out there alone in his current state of mind. By any chance, do you know how to contact any of his surfing buddies?"
"That's a great idea. Let me call Ned, see if maybe he can get any of the others, too," said Mattie.
"Oh? You have Ned's phone number?" asked Jean archly.
"As a matter of fact, Ned and I have gone out a few times since that incident with the police. Nothing serious yet, but who knows?"
"Well, if it makes any difference, I approve. He seems like a fine young man."
"It does make a difference because I respect your opinion," said Mattie. "And he is a fine young man, especially when you get him to open up. He's a bit shy, but he's fascinating, the life he's lived. Anyway, let me see if I can reach him."
"Thank you. And Mattie, if Ned can come, you should tell him to park in the drive, not out on the road. We wouldn't want anyone to 'accidentally' leave something illegal in his car to be found."
"Right. I didn't even think of that. I'll tell him. Thanks."
Jean finished making the tea and placed the mugs on a tray along with some cookies. She wondered if Lucien was finished with his call from Alice, not wanting to interrupt their talk. She thought she'd wait a few more minutes, just to be sure, then make some noise as she went down the stairs to let him know she was coming.
She was just about to pick up the tray when her phone lit up. Alice.
As soon as she pressed the button to open the connection, Alice was speaking. "Jean, is he right there with you?"
"He's down in the music room. I'm headed there now."
"Good. Please don't let him be alone more than a few minutes at a time. I'm afraid he's falling into depression."
Jean had suspected as much, but somehow hearing Alice say it served to increase her fears. "Can't you give him something? An antidepressant or anything?"
"No, I'm afraid not. First of all he wouldn't take it. And we tried that years ago, shortly after he was released from the hospital. It didn't go well, made matters worse actually."
"What can I do to help him?"
"As I said, don't leave him alone any longer than absolutely necessary. And talk to him about the future and the things he has to look forward to."
Jean took a deep breath, trying to tamp down her fear for him. "Yes, I can do that. I should probably let Matthew know I won't be in to work tonight."
"It would be better if you can talk Lucien into coming in with you to perform. A roomful of people showing their appreciation would be good for him."
That made sense to Jean. "Yes, all right. I'll suggest it, but if he'd rather stay home I won't leave here without him."
"Exactly as it should be. Just let us know what he decides. If he's going to the club, I'd like to be there."
"Of course. I'll speak with you later then. I want to get back to him."
"Thank you, Jean. Matthew and I are very glad that you are in Lucien's life."
"Me, too," said Jean before ending the call.
Quickly she took the tray of tea things and went downstairs. When she entered the music room she caught him staring off into space, a grimace of pain on his face. She guessed he was remembering something thoroughly unpleasant; she tried not to imagine what. When he saw her, he managed a strained smile by way of greeting, so strained that it made her heart clench. She set down the tray and walked over to put her arms around him.
Lucien pulled her down into his lap and held her tightly. "Thank you for being here," he whispered into her hair.
"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," she reassured him.
"Nowhere?" he asked in a teasing voice. "Not on a beach in Tahiti? Not floating down the Seine? Not at the Newport Jazz Festival?"
She leaned back so she could see his face. "I've never been to any of those places, so I wouldn't know. For the moment I'm perfectly happy being right here with you. Maybe some day you can show me some of those sights, though."
He smiled, and this time it reached his eyes. "It would be my pleasure to show you the world, Jean, whether or not we ever go touring together."
"I'm going to hold you to that, Lucien Blake," she said, before kissing him soundly to seal the deal. "Now, our tea is going to get cold."
They had just finished their tea and were clearing the things away when a voice called down, "Hello?"
"Is that Mattie?" Jean asked.
"Down here," Lucien called up to her.
Mattie appeared at the top of the stairs. "I found someone at your door," she explained, stepping back to show Ned standing behind her.
"I hope I'm not interrupting, Lucien, Mrs. Beazley. I just thought it looked like a good day to catch some waves."
Lucien turned to Jean and raised an eyebrow.
"You should go," she urged him. "I know how much you enjoy it. It'll do you good."
"Why don't you come with us?"
She shook her head. "Maybe another time. You go with Ned, and I'll watch from the porch off the bedroom." She gave him a kiss. "Go. Have fun."
As she had hoped it did seem to help him. He was out on the water for over two hours, while she sat on the upstairs balcony, trying to read a book but actually looking out to sea most of the time, keeping an anxious eye on Lucien.
When he returned with his hair attractively mussed and curling from the salt water, and his face flushed from the wind, he looked so delectable that Jean wanted nothing more than to grab him and drag him off to bed, and it seemed that's what he wanted as well. She watched his eyes darken as he saw her staring at him. She stepped forward to rest a hand against his bare chest. Still wearing his half-unzipped wetsuit, he took her hand in his own, kissed it, and together they went back up to the bedroom.
His love-making was as generous and gentle as ever, but afterwards when they were lying sated and wrapped around each other, he seemed to become distant, his eyes staring off into the distance. It was a sharp contrast to the way he usually focused on her so intently. She had always felt flattered by that, and although she wasn't narcissistic enough to expect that degree of attention from him constantly, she didn't like to see him drifting to who knew where in his mind.
"Lucien?" she said softly, hoping to draw his focus back to her, to the two of them.
He kissed the top of her head absently. "Hmm?"
She thought quickly for a topic. "Work tonight? What do you think?"
"I think Matthew's expecting us. Wouldn't want to leave him hanging."
"No, certainly not, as long as you feel up to it."
"I'm fine, Jean. Right as rain," he told her firmly.
But when she looked up into his eyes, they told her something else entirely.
They arrived at the club at their normal time. Alice and Matthew were waiting for them with little Lucy in tow. When Lucien headed up to the office to change, Matthew followed him taking the baby with him in her carrier.
"You know, I can't believe how quickly she's growing," Matthew said as they walked. "Before you know it she'll be walking and talking."
"Yes," said Lucien, glancing down at the tiny girl.
"Any guesses as to what her first words will be?"
"Depends on whether she takes after her mother or her father," said Lucien.
"Let's hope it's her mother," said Matthew.
"Let's," Lucien agreed.
When they had disappeared Alice said softly, "Matthew's reminding him that he needs to be around to see Lucy grow."
"Yes, of course," said Jean. "Alice, I need to know, exactly how worried are you?"
"Well, let's just say that as long as he doesn't start talking about suicide I won't worry too much."
"I'll bear that in mind," said Jean. "I'd better start getting ready."
Jean prepared as quickly as she could to go onstage, wanting to watch Lucien perform. She always enjoyed hearing him play, of course, but since his choice of music usually reflected his mood, it seemed especially important at this time.
He knew so many songs that he didn't feel it necessary to prepare a playlist in advance. Instead he tended to select what he thought the evening's audience would like to hear on any given night.
On this particular night he strode out on stage to the usual warm reception from the club's patrons. He bowed slightly in acknowledgment then sat at the piano and launched into the classic 'Saint James Infirmary Blues'. Although the lyrics were about a man going to the morgue to identify the body of someone he loved, Jean knew it was one of Lucien's favorites, and he'd played it often enough that his choice of it now told her very little.
She stood in the wings watching him play. No matter how often she heard him, she still found the level of his talent astonishing, and very, very attractive.
She glanced out at the audience, noticing several women who seemed to share that attraction. Hands off, he's mine, she whispered.
She saw that Alice and Matthew were at the table they usually occupied whenever Alice stayed for the show. Jean noticed Alice was also studying Lucien closely.
His next song was Professor Longhair's 'Big Chief', an uptempo song that was another favorite of his. Nothing concerning there.
That was followed by 'Waiting for a Train', another classic. He seemed to be in a mood for older songs. Jean wasn't quite sure what to make of that, especially when the next song was the very sad 'Careless Love'.
He usually did four or five songs before introducing her.
"One last song before we bring out the star of this evening's entertainment," Lucien announced to the audience. "I'm sure many of you know this one. It's called 'Trouble in Mind' and it's been covered by just about every blues artist you can name."
He launched into the slow, mournful tune. Jean sang the lyrics in her head.
Trouble in mind, I'm blue, but I won't be blue always,
Because the sun's gonna shine in my back door some day.
But then she skipped ahead, remembering the end of the song.
I'm gonna lay my head on some lonesome railroad line,
And let the 2:19 train ease my troubled mind.
She gasped and looked at Alice, who was also shocked at Lucien's song choice. Jean didn't know what Alice intended to do, but she herself planned to fight for him with everything she had.
